With summer winding to a close, the carnival, last dance, and Mark and Bryon's final party of the summer sat close on the horizon. I find myself spending all my free time with Ponyboy. If we weren't working, we would be at the movies, watching the stars together, or sneaking off to my room whenever Two-Bit became a little too unbearable.
"I'm just saying Nell," Pony says into the phone, yawning slightly, "I don't think I'm going to be able to take time off for both the carnival and the last dance at the community center."
"Pony," I say with a slight sigh, "The carnival's all week."
"Yeah, but who wants to go to a carnival on a random Wednesday night?" he asks with his own dramatic sigh, mocking me.
"Me!" I say with a slight laugh, "Ponyboy if I don't get a funnel cake, I might die."
"Oh man," he laughs, "what if I just bring you a funnel cake on the way home from work tonight?"
"I'm going to the carnival with or without you," I finally say. "I'll give someone else the pleasure of buying me a funnel cake."
"Fine," he says, and I imagine his eyes rolling, "you win. We'll go to the carnival Wednesday, I'll buy you all the funnel cake you can eat, and I'll take Friday off for the dance."
"And for Mark and Bryon's," I remind him.
"You sure you wanna go to that?" Pony asks. There's the slightest tone of concern. Since Angela and I had gotten into that fight in the parking lot, the talk over town was that she was waiting for round two. Two-Bit had even gotten into it with Tim Shepard, leaving me and Two-Bit with matching black eyes for the past three weeks. Two-Bit was still angry over it and I knew he was ready for Angela to finally get over it.
"Why should Angela Shepard get to decide what I can and can't do?"
"Because she almost knocked your head off last time you ran into her."
"Hey!" I protest, but know deep down, he is only looking out for me. "I'm sure she won't even be there, especially after what happened with Mark."
"When have you known for Mark and Bryon to spring for some security?" Pony asks with a chuckle, and I can't help but smile at the idea. "I don't need to go to another Mark and Bryon party, baby."
"Yeah, but you don't really wanna miss out either. We're going into our senior year, Pony. It'll probably be the last summer party at Mark and Bryon's."
"Fine, fine." He sighs, but I can hear the smile in his voice, "You gotta let me win sometimes."
"It's sweet you think that" I say with a laugh. "I'll see you after work tonight."
After hanging up, I notice my mother watching me from the kitchen doorway. Leaning up against the frame, keeping the door from swinging shut between us. I smile at her and notice the lines in her face seem deeper and there's bags under her usually bright and cheery eyes. She looks tired and for a moment, I try to remember the last time she looked so defeated. Maybe after our dad had left?
"You okay, Mama?" I ask, taking a moment to fix my hair in the foyer mirror before I cross the space to hug her. She holds me close and I inhale the light, subtle vanilla in her perfume.
"I'm just tired," she smiles before nodding for me to join her in the kitchen. She has a large green salad tossed in a bowl and serves me a small plate with some fresh lemonade, "How's Ponyboy?"
"He's great," I smile. "He's going to come over tonight to watch a movie, and we're going to fair on Wednesday."
"And the dance on Friday," my mother chimes in, "and the party Friday night."
"Yeah, we have a busy week before school starts." I agree, suddenly feeling like the salad and lemonade are a trap. I eye her carefully as I take another deep sip. She is watching me carefully, the lines around her mouth deepening as she frowns.
"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," she says carefully. "You've been spending a lot of time with Ponyboy."
"Two-Bit spends all his time with Donna," I counter quickly, knowing exactly what road she's about to travel.
"Don't start Penelope," she warns. "I am just saying that I would like to spend some time with you, and so would your aunt Louise."
I sigh pushing my salad around the bowl before sneaking a glance at her through my lashes. When I don't say anything she continues, "I know having a boyfriend feels like the most important thing, but I don't want you to forget about your family and your friends."
"I see my friends!" I protest, "Ponyboy and Lucy's boyfriend are on the track team together and Curly was already friends with Pony before we got together."
"Yes, but do you see them without Ponyboy?" My mother asks and I roll my eyes pointedly. Shoveling another bite of salad into my mouth, preparing for a quick getaway.
When I don't respond, my mother sighs again and watches me carefully, wiping her hands on a towel with furrowed brows, "I just want to see you more before your senior year starts and I know your aunt Louise does too. Which is why," she pauses for a moment before saying, "I would like you to stay home Friday night."
"What?" I say pushing the salad away from me. "No, no way."
"Your uncle Butch will be here, and I would like you and Two-Bit here for the night. He wants to spend time with you two."
"No," I say again, "I can see Uncle Butch on Saturday. I'm not missing the dance or the party. Pony and I have been looking forward to this all summer."
"Well, it's not up for discussion, Penelope." My mother states firmly and I cross my arms over my chest.
"You just got back from seeing Uncle Butch not too long ago. Why is he coming here anyways?" My voice is harsh, and I have a hard time keeping it from rising any higher.
"It does not matter why your uncle will be here. The point is that he will be here, and you will be here." My mother states.
"But that's not fair!" I say, hearing my voice slowly reach hysterics.
"Ponyboy will understand." My mother decides with finality. "You will agree to be here Friday night, or I will ground you until Saturday. No fair, no dance, no party."
"I can't believe this! You would never do this to Two-Bit," I yell, standing up and crossing my arms over my chest.
"Two-Bit agreed to be here," my mother says.
"Did you strip away all his plans for the week too?"
"I don't have to Nellie," my mother sighs. "Your brother agreed when I asked. I knew you wouldn't."
"I hate you." I spit and I watch as my mother's shoulder shrug forward a bit, but her face is firm, and I can tell that I've lost.
"Well," my mother finally says, "I'll learn to live with that."
I want to scream, throw my hands in the air, and beg her to change her mind, but I know the damage is already done. She had made up her mind already and I knew that she was serious about taking away the rest of my week. I bite my lip for a moment before rolling my eyes and stomping up the stairs step-by-step.
"I am just so excited to see Uncle Butch on Friday," I yell with the heaviest sarcasm I can muster.
Before I can slam by bedroom door shut, I hear my mother call up, "He's so excited to see you too, dear."
The knock on my bedroom door is quick and I recognize Two-Bit's footsteps as he walks into my bedroom. I glance up from my book and immediately flip him a finger when he sits at my vanity with his arms crossed.
"I haven't even said nothin' yet." Two-Bit says with a slight chuckle.
"You don't need to come in here takin' up for mom," I grumble, folding down the page in my book and shutting it. "I already planned on apologizing."
"I know you did," Two-Bit nods. "I wanted to talk about something else."
I can tell by the shift in his voice that he's worried about something, and I sit up, doing my best to intently look at him. Just so he knows I'm listening.
"You gonna tell me I'm spending too much time with Pony, too?" I ask, but he ignores me, spinning one of my perfume bottles and watching it tip over, "Two?"
"You notice how tired mama looks?" He asks and I nod, picturing the heavy dark bags under her eyes.
"I'm sure it's just work," I say, unsure where Two-Bit is going.
"And how Aunt Lou has just totally moved in?" He continues, picking up my book to mindlessly study the cover so he doesn't have to meet my eyes.
"Mama always wanted that though," I remind him, starting to feel a twist of pain in my gut. "She thought it'd be good for Aunt Louise and us. Like parent or somethin'."
"Yeah, but we're grown, Nell. Seems a little ridiculous for Aunt Lou to move in now."
"Maybe Aunt Louise just needed a place to stay. It's happened before." I say with a shrug of my shoulders. "Where you going with this, Two-bit?"
"Now, Uncle Butch is coming. When's the last time Uncle Butch came for a visit?" He asks me, still ignoring anything I have to say.
"When grandma was dying." I say, before shaking my head and waving my arms to get him to stop talking. "Mama's fine." I state quickly, snatching my book off my bed once more and pretending like I'm no longer listening.
Two-Bit leans forward and lowers my book, "I'm worried, Nell."
"I'm not," I say, ignoring my stomach as it continues to twist with each of Two-Bit's words. "I'm being realistic, Mama would have told us if something was wrong. She would have wanted us to help her."
"When has Mama ever asked for help? Especially from us?" Two-Bit argues and I sigh shutting my book again.
"Mama's fine, Two-Bit." I say once more, "You're just overthinkin' everything."
"You think so?" he asks, licking his lips nervously before plopping himself onto the edge of my bed. For a moment, my big brother looks so little, so childlike that I take moment to rest my hand on his forehead and push his hair back like he used to do to me when we were kids.
"Mama would have told us already," I assure him.
"I hope you're right, kid." He says before I lay down next to him, both of us staring at the ceiling, watching the fan spin in endless circles.
Two-Bit and I lay in silence, mulling over his worries and suddenly I find myself overthinking it all too. Two-Bit's concerns started to seem realistic the more I thought about all the pieces fitting together. He could be right. My mind swims and I swallow the lump in my throat at the idea of my mother being sick. The world could not spin without her. She is everything to me. To Two-Bit. To Aunt Louisa.
Ridiculous. She's not sick. People like Mama don't get sick. But… what would my life be like if mama was? I try to imagine a place without her. What our home would be like, but this house without mama wouldn't be a home anymore. Mama built this place into our safe haven. Our slice of heaven away from whatever was happening in the neighborhood. Yeah we were poor, sometimes on the verge of losing the house once our dad left, but Mama would have done anything for us. To keep us safe, warm, and loved.
I feel the prick of tears begin to push against my eyes and I close them quickly to keep them from spilling over. Mama isn't sick, but if she was? Suddenly a million questions swim in my brain. What would happen to the house? How would we afford the medical bills? Where would I live? What would we eat? Who would move me into my dorm room? Could I even go to college? What would happen to Two-Bit What would happen to me?
I suddenly want to ask my brother everything and cry out of sheer panic. I picture my mother's tired face again and hope, desperately, that she was just tired – older now. Maybe she can get a new job. One that doesn't work her as hard, and she would be okay. Maybe Two-Bit can get a job to help her or I can pick up more hours at the bookstore so Mama could have time to relax. I open my eyes and still feel the slight burning of tears that threaten to spill over.
You told her you hated her. The small voice in the back of my head whispers. She wanted to spend more time with you, and you told her that you hate her. Finally, a single tear spills over I hurriedly brush it away before Two-Bit can see.
Mama isn't sick. I tell myself again, but this time I didn't really believe it. So I try again and again, willing the thought into reality – into only an hour ago before Two-Bit planted the seed of doubt in my mind.
"Two?" I whisper as the room begins to darken as the sun settles.
"Nell." His voice, just as quiet.
"What would happen?" I ask, unsure if he would know what I was asking.
"Nellie," Two-Bit sighs, sitting up to rest his own hand on my forehead. "We'll take care of each other, kid. I ain't leavin' you for nothin."
It's late when I hear the rumbling of Ponyboy's truck pull up to the house. He had stayed a few extra hours at the grocery store, calling to let me know he would miss the movie at 9. I didn't mind, despite my lack of apology, Mama made up the couch and we cozied up under a blanket together, our hands intertwining like I was girl again.
"Mama," I say, as I get up to meet Ponyboy outside. "I'm sorry for what I said." I study her face briefly, and she just smiles, reaching out to take my hand again and pressing it against her cheek.
"I'm sorry too, my girl. I know how much the dance and the party mean to you," she sighs and presses a kiss to my hand before releasing me. "If you stay for dinner on Friday with Uncle Butch, you can go to the party afterwards."
"I don't have to," I start to say, but mama holds up her hand to stop me.
"I want you to go. You're young," she smiles, and I notice the tight, deep lines around her lips once more, "you're in love. You should enjoy it all while you're young and in love."
"I love you, Mama." I tell her and she nods, swallowing sharply. I study her again and wonder if her cheekbones have always been so prominent. If her hands were so bony? Wouldn't I have noticed if they were?
"But I love you more." She reminds me before turning to look out the window at Pony's truck. "Don't keep him waiting and apologize about the dance on my behalf."
I grab my shoes and a small sweater, assuming we would find ourselves outside at the park tonight. "Ponyboy won't mind, we'll have plenty more opportunities to dance circles around everyone else during the school year."
Running out the front door to meet Ponyboy, I turn for a moment to watch my mama through the window. She stands, rubbing her lower back before leaning over to turn out the light. I swallow and remind myself once more that mama isn't sick. I jump into the cab of the truck and try to fake a smile for Ponyboy, who leans over to plant a line of kisses from my temple down to my lips. I inhale and feel myself relax a little in his presence.
"What's the plan?" I ask him as we settle into the seat and Ponyboy turns back onto the street. He leans over to turn down the radio and looks at me curiously.
"Well, the movies are out of the question, and it looks like summer rain tonight. I thought we could go back to my house?" he says, glancing at me again. When I don't respond, Ponyboy gently rubs my shoulders and says, "You okay, Nell?"
"Your house is great." I say, but even I can hear my voice falling flat.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks, there is a slight infliction at the end and I know he's concerned, but as we round the corner to his house I find that I cannot immediately respond.
There were so many things fluttering around my mind. All the what ifs of the future. I didn't even know if my mother was sick, but how could I explain all that to Pony? Would he understand or just think I was overthinking like I did with Two-Bit? Once Ponyboy parks and turns off the truck, he turns to look at me, like he's trying to read the jumbled thoughts that bounce around my mind.
"Nellie?" He asks quietly, "Tell me what you're thinking about, please?"
"My mother," I say, licking my lips in hesitation, "she said I can't go to the dance on Friday. I'm sorry, I hope you didn't take the day off already."
"Why can't you go?" he asks, brushing a piece of my hair out of my face and furrowing his brows in slight concern.
"Oh, my uncle's coming for dinner," I sigh, "I haven't seen him since my grandma died three years ago."
"The same one your mom just visited?" He asks and I nod. "That'll be a nice reunion. I can't remember the last time we saw any of our extended family."
I bite my lip for moment, considering if I should lay every concern out on the table, but facing him now and seeing the easy-going smile on his face I decide against it.
"Did you already take Friday off?" I ask again and he shrugs.
"Yeah, but that's not a big deal. I'll go hangout with some of the track guys while you're at dinner and come get'ya for the party when you're done."
"You're not mad?" I ask and Ponyboy laughs.
"You'll have to do a lot more to make me mad at you, Nell." He promises before hopping out of the truck and jogging around to open the door for me. I climb out and take his hand, but Ponyboy slows as we reach the porch, studying my face once again in the brighter lighting, "You sure that's the only thing bothering you?"
"Yeah," I say, forcing a laugh. "Now I'm just hoping that Sodapop made more chocolate cake."
Before Vietnam, Ponyboy and Sodapop shared a room, but after Soda came home, Darry had fixed up his room to share with Soda instead. Most nights, Darry slept over at his girlfriend's a few houses down, leaving Soda and Pony in their own space. A luxury that I know Ponyboy enjoyed more than he liked to let on. As Pony raids the ice box for the chocolate cake, I open his bedroom window to let in the fresh summer rain. The drops hit the gutters rhythmically and I inhale the smell as deep as I can, wondering if my mother was enjoying the same scene from her chair in her room. When I was little, we used to like to stand out in the summer rain and play or dance or just spin. Two-Bit and my father always thought we were crazy, but once he left, it didn't take long for Two-Bit to join in too. I smile at the thought and suddenly feel the hot burning of tears beginning to prick at my eyes once more. If my mother is sick, would anyone want to dance in the rain with me again?
"Alright," Ponyboy says as he enters his bedroom. "I got chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream, and some potato chips."
"No chocolate chip cookies?" I ask and Pony gives me a sharp look. I laugh and climb onto his bed, settling into his pillows as he places a plate of chocolate cake onto my lap.
"What's your favorite part about a summer storm?" I ask him and Ponyboy presses his lips together, a sign that he's thinking deeply about my question.
"Everything's wiped clean," he says with a nod. "Its like the world gets to start over."
"Ponyboy," I say as he shovels a bite of chocolate cake into his mouth. He cocks his eyebrow in a Two-Bit fashion and I smile, "I think I might love you."
A/N: Thank you so much for everyone who has reviewed and stuck with me. I know its been more than a year since I updated, but I plan on finishing this (and having a sequel?) soon!
Ponyboy and Nellie live so deep in my heart, I'm happy you love them as much as I do!
