"Ponyboy, please!" I yell, pushing through the crowd to follow him before he can leave. I can see the top of his head over the dancing couple and feel my chest beginning to tighten again. Not tonight, please not tonight.
Once I reach the front door, I feel my legs begin to move faster down the steps, stopping him before he can reach the sidewalk and leave. I grab his hand as he reaches the bottom porch step to stop him and he whips around, jaw clenched, and brow furrowed. He has never looked so much like Darry.
"Nothing was going on," I say quickly, feeling my heart slam again my chest. "I promise, I fell, and Mark was just helping me – and…"
Ponyboy crosses his arms over his chest and stares down at me with a cool look on his face. I can't read him and I suddenly feel so cold and so desperate to make him understand.
"Please just let me explain," I beg, trying to reach for his hand again, but he pulls away from me, taking one more step off the porch.
"Explain than, Penelope," he spits, "explain what you were doing in Mark's room, alone with him."
I can't help but be aware of the small crowd that has gathered on the porch, and I feel my face flush with color. I am so stupid. Why didn't I just go back home? How did I even begin to explain to him? Ponyboy my mother is dying? My brother's leaving? My family fell apart and I can't lose you too? I open my mouth, trying to find the words, but it's Mark's voice that answers, "Penny fell, I was just cleaning her up. Come on, Curtis. It ain't that big of a deal," he steps down the porch steps to stand next to me, placing hand on Pony's shoulder.
Ponyboy looks over Mark, almost like he's sizing him up and before I can stop him and before Mark can realize what's happening, Ponyboy's fist connects with Mark's face. The sound is sickening, and I gasp, watching Mark crumble to the ground. Mark springs back up in a second and I move to stand between them, but suddenly Pony is moving me out of the way. Mark swings and Pony dodges, before swinging again and making another connection with Mark's face. This time though Mark doesn't falter and instead bullrushes Pony, hitting him square in the stomach with his shoulder and knocking both to the ground. They roll around for a moment, both trying to get the upper hand on the other, until finally Ponyboy is holding him down, one hand wrapped around Mark's neck before he cocks his fist back and hits him once more.
"Pony!" I yell, looking at the crowd, willing for someone to break them up. But most of the people watching are laughing, cheering Pony on, or encouraging Mark to get back up, "Please stop!"
Mark finally wriggles free and the two are rolling around on the ground again. Mark tries to pin Pony, but can't see to get a grip, compared to Ponyboy, Mark is skinny – lean compared to Pony.
"What the fuck," someone says behind me, and I look to find Curly finally appearing from the house, Annette close on his heels. She looks at me with a wild look before pulling me to her side while Curly pries Ponyboy off Mark. Ponyboy struggles against Curly, before Curly is finally able to shove Ponyboy off to the side. Mark stands back up, ready to make a bull run once more before Curly holds up his hands, "Watch it," he warns.
There's a lull in the commotion and when the crowd realizes the fight is over, most of them disperse back into the house or back to their conversations on the porch. I stand there with Annette, sucking in the deepest of breaths to settle my nerves. I carefully move towards Ponyboy, who is now leaning against the porch fumbling to light a cigarette with his hurt hand.
"Fuck," Ponyboy mutters as he shakes off his hand. He looks at me again, but instead of an icy glare, I can see the pain within them. I reach out to help him light his cigarette, but he pulls away from me, pushing off the porch to walk away.
"I'm gonna let you have that one," Mark groans, but there is a strange, dangerous smile on his face. He wipes his nose with his t-shirt and winces, "You're lucky it ain't broken."
"You're lucky I didn't break it," Ponyboy spits, venom dripping from his voice. He shakes his hand again and looks at Mark with a cool, tough look, before turning on his heel and starting his walk home.
"Aw, come on Curtis!" Mark calls after him, "You don't gotta leave. Ain't nothin' happened and I ain't mad you had to blow off some steam."
Ponyboy turns to look at him and then me, shaking his head before turning back around and leaving me behind.
"What's going on?" Annette asks and I shake my head, scared that if I start talking – I'll start sobbing instead.
"I'll call you tomorrow, okay." I promise and Annette nods, Curly places a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"You sure you want to go alone?" He asks, watching Pony as he stalks down the sidewalk.
"Don't worry about us," I tell him and I try to smile, but it just doesn't feel right.
I hurry to catch up to him, trying to stay only a few paces behind him so he can cool down. As we reach the end of the block, far enough away from everyone else, he finally turns to look at me again. The hurt is finally written all over his face. "I know," I say sucking in a deep breath, "I know what that looked like, but please – nothing happened. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Explain," he says, "help me understand how you ended up in Mark's room."
"I was running," I say with a shaky breath, the wind picking up around us as the summer rain starts to close in, "I was running from my family, and I fell. I thought you'd be there already, and Mark took me into his room so I wouldn't bleed everywhere. Look," I say holding up my banged hands, and then pointing to my still cut up and still dirty knees. I then pick quickly at the band-aids on my face, ripping them fast, uncaring if I pull the beginning scabs off. Desperate to get him to understand – to look at me like he has all summer.
"I wouldn't do that to you," I tell him, "Not with Mark, not with anyone."
"Penelope," he says, starting to take another step away from me and I wave my hands to get him to stop.
"No, no, listen," I say, "I know how stupid it sounds. I know what happens at Mark and Bryon's parties, but that's not me. I couldn't."
We stare at each other, the wind whipping around us. Please. Please, understand.
"Why were you running?" he finally asks, with a heavy sigh, sitting on the curb and stretching his hand, examining his knuckles closely. He looks at me and then nods for me to sit down next to me as the first few drops of rain begin to hit the pavement.
"Say that you forgive me," I say desperately, and he shoots me a look.
"Why were you running?" He asks again and I sit down, bringing my knees up to my chin.
"Remember when I didn't know why my Uncle Butch would be in town," I say finally and Ponyboy nods, still examining his hand. I suck in a deep breath and reach for it, enveloping it gently in my own. He's stiff, but lets me, and I continue, "Two-Bit and I know that he only visits when there's something wrong. Like when my dad left or when my grandma died."
He doesn't say anything, and I take a deep breath, trying to settle my voice, "I didn't want to say it before, because I didn't want it to be true, but Two-Bit thought it was because something was wrong with our mom. I thought it was stupid at first, just my brother overthinking, but the more I looked at her, the more it seemed real."
Ponyboy doesn't say anything but takes his hand from mine to dig around in his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter once more. He hands me the lighter, and sticks the cigarette in his mouth, waiting for me to light it. The gesture is so small, but it causes my breath to catch and I feel the same hot tears start to brim my eyes once more.
"I just thought she'd be sick, and we'd get through it like we always do." I say, watching as the smoke rises into the air and is taken off by the wind.
"Is she sick?" He asks finally and I nod my head slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to blink away the tears before they fall.
"She's dying," I say, and the relief that floods my chest to finally say it out loud is unbearable. I can't stop the sobs from escaping while I say, "and Two-Bit's leaving and I'm scared, Pony. I am so scared that they are going to leave me all alone. It's always been the three of us and if Two-Bit goes to Tennessee, and if my mother – I won't have anyone left."
I can see Ponyboy studying me from the corner of my eye, while his face is still unreadable, he is at least looking at me. His hand, falling back into mine, loosens, and slowly intertwines with my fingers.
"Why's Two-Bit leaving?" he asks, looking up towards the sky as the rain begins to fall more steadily.
"My uncle," I say, impatiently brushing the tears from my eyes. "He thinks, that for Two-Bit to help, he needs to go work for him at his car dealership."
"Why didn't you tell me that you were worried? I would have waited for you, instead of going to the dance." he asks, finally lifting his arm to wrap me into a tight embrace. He presses a single kiss to my temple and holds me there, until I feel like I can finally breathe again.
"I didn't want it to be true," I finally say, and the sky opens, dumping rain on us. We look up and let the water rush down on us, mixing in with my tears, until they are all washed away.
My mother, brother, and Donna are sitting on the porch when Ponyboy and I finally get home. We are soaked to the bone but walk together – hand-in-hand. My mother stands when she sees us, hurrying off our porch to embrace me in the rain. She holds me, inhaling deeply, before letting out a small sob.
"I am so sorry," she says. "I have only ever wanted what's best for you and your brother."
"I know, mama," I say closing my eyes and trying to hold this moment in my mind. The way her sweater feels against my skin, the smell of vanilla in her perfume, and the flutter of her heartbeat – matching mine exactly.
Ponyboy makes his way to the porch, sitting down next to Donna as Two-Bit slowly joins my mother and I in the rain. He lays a careful hand on my shoulder before I invite him in our embrace. The three of us stand there – together – the way it's always been. The rain covers us, washing away any pain, fear, and sadness that we might be holding so deep in our hearts. My mother pulls away first, looking at both of us with such love and admiration, before she lifts her arms over her head and starts spinning – dancing in the rain, like she did when we were kids. Two-Bit and I join her slowly, until the three of us are holding hands, spinning together. Connected and whole.
A/N: Thanks for sticking around. Reviews are always appreciated.
