I really, really debated starting this story. I already have too many stories, and I feel SO BAD that I don't have time to update more regularly. But I couldn't get this idea out of my head after MusesOwnMyMind had started a similar story for M7. She discontinued it/took it down and was so kind to give me permission to take the idea and start my own story with it. (I've switched things around to make it a Chris Larabee story).
This story has a bit stronger rating than my other stories.
Thank you so much to everyone who reads and anyone who comments. The M7 fandom can be a little lonely since it doesn't get as many readers/reviews as other fandoms, but it is definitely my very favorite to write for. :)
Chapter 1
Ellie Wilmington's laugh carried across the bar and Buck turned his head to look for his sister.
Her teasing smile was bright, her blonde hair in a high ponytail that swung when she leaned down to say something to Vin.
Vin's quiet smile met whatever she said and Nathan laughed.
Buck sighed and turned back to Josiah. "It's gonna be hard to ship out again," he said.
Josiah didn't offer a platitude, something Buck appreciated about the man. The military chaplain just leaned back in his chair, at ease with the silence until Buck spoke again.
"Ain't fair to Ellie that we're deploying so soon again. Hardly got home and now we're being called back over there." He knew it was what he had signed up for when he enlisted in the Navy. He and Chris may have been young and foolish, but they weren't stupid. They had known the commitment it was going to require. And they had known, when they were accepted to the SEALs training, the sacrifices they would be called to make.
They hadn't known how it would tear apart their souls.
Buck looked at Chris, alone at a table in the corner. He supposed he should be glad Chris even agreed to come out with the rest of their unit, but the way the man sat in silence, glowering at the drink in front of him, made Buck anything but glad.
Josiah followed his eyes. "He talk to you about it?"
Buck shook his head. Chris hadn't talked to anyone about what had happened in Syria on their last deployment. And the closer they got to going back, the more Chris withdrew from everything around him.
"Come on, Josiah," Ellie's voice interrupted the direction Buck's thoughts had taken.
Josiah lifted his eyebrows in question.
"Someone has to dance and Vin swears he has two left feet." She raised her voice enough to be sure her words carried to Vin.
Vin winked at her, clearly not offended.
Ellie didn't give Josiah a chance to argue, reaching for his hands and pulling him to his feet as an old Clint Black song came on the speakers.
Josiah gamely spun her in a circle, moving into a Texas two step that had Ellie grinning up at him.
Buck looked at Chris again. Chris tossed back his drink, but didn't motion for another.
Buck was about to go over and sit with his oldest friend, but then thought better of it. At least Chris was here. Push too hard and the man might leave, go hole up for the next week until they shipped out.
The song ended and Ellie thanked Josiah, planting a kiss on his cheek, laughing at his blush.
"See, Vin?" she said, wrapping her arm around Josiah's waist and giving him a warm hug before going back over to Vin and Nathan. "It's easy."
Buck snorted. If his twenty two year old sister got Vin to dance, he would eat his hat.
A couple of women at the bar none too subtly eyed Buck. Forgetting about Chris and looking over at Vin, Nathan, and Josiah with his sister. He was reassured they would keep an eye on Ellie, and hopefully keep her from her from acting on any of her impulsive instincts that had been getting the better of her since she was a kid. Buck turned his attention back to the women. He smiled at them, getting to his feet and approaching the beauties.
He only had a week left before his only company would be the men of his unit.
#
Chris could hear the screams. It didn't matter how loud the music in the bar got, who talked to him, how much he drank. The screams were there.
He turned the empty shot glass around on the tabletop, spreading the water ring under it. He didn't want to be here, but it was better than going back to his empty house. As soon as he fell asleep, he'd see the women and children who were screaming. The soldiers being blown to pieces. Death. Destruction. Hopelessness.
And he was going back to it. Six more days and he would be on a flight back there.
Familiar laughter sounded again and Chris didn't have to look to know who it belonged to. But in spite of that, he looked up anyway, against his will.
Ellie Wilmington had always been like a ray of sunshine. A hell-bent ray of sunshine, but with Buck for a brother, she didn't have much chance of being anything different.
She was accepting a drink from the bartender with a wink. Her hair was like sun, her smile as warm as the sand on a beach, and her laughter uninhibited. For a second, Chris let himself be comforted by the way she seemed unscarred by the world.
Ellie turned, almost like she could feel his eyes on her, searching until she found him.
Her smile didn't dim, but her brow wrinkled slightly in confusion at his dark expression. Chris didn't blame her. She had no idea what they had seen over there.
Chris looked back down at his glass.
A chair scraped and Ellie dropped into the seat next to him.
She didn't say anything right away, just took a drink of her beer.
Chris wanted to tell her to go away. She was all openness and eagerness and Chris couldn't shake the feeling he would dull that if she got too close. But he didn't tell her to go away. He didn't want to be the man who destroyed her faith in people.
"I don't suppose you'd want to dance," she said, a twinkle in her eyes as she leaned towards him.
Chris looked back down at his glass. He should have another.
Ellie's hand found his arm and his muscles clenched involuntarily before he pulled his arm away.
"You've been quiet," she said.
He knew she didn't mean just tonight. It had been the last two months since they had all returned stateside.
He had lied through his teeth to the military psychologist, getting cleared for duty after everything that he had seen on his last tour. It was harder to lie to Ellie, when she saw him for more than a one hour evaluation.
"I should get going," Chris said. He stood, pulling out his wallet and tossing down enough bills to cover his single drink.
Ellie didn't argue, but Chris saw the worry. He didn't have it in him to reassure her.
She didn't say anything to persuade him to stay, but he could feel her watching him go.
Outside, he welcomed the icy blast of winter wind. It was better than the numbness that accompanied most of his days.
#
Ellie watched Chris go. Her heart ached for him. She had no idea what was wrong, but he had been quiet when Buck and unit returned a couple months ago. They all had, even though none of them told her anything about what had happened during their deployment. But, Chris had grown angrier, more withdrawn, the closer they got to the next deployment.
And now they'd all be leaving again in six days.
Ellie tried not to feel the ache of loneliness that would be there when Buck was gone. When she didn't have the rest of the men he was friends with around.
She took a long breath. She had managed through the last deployment. She would make it through this one, too.
But she wondered if Chris would. The look in his eyes. He looked…haunted.
Ellie abruptly stood, leaving her empty bottle next to Chris' glass and went to get her jacket from the chair at Vin and Nathan's table.
"You leavin'?" Nathan asked.
"Yep," Ellie said, shrugging on her coat. She looked over at Buck, two women nearly draped over him as he no doubt shared some story from the SEALs that emphasized his heroism. She quirked a brow at Vin and Nathan. "Make sure I don't end up with one of those bimbos as a sister-in-law."
"We've got his back," Nathan promised.
Vin stood when Ellie started to go. She glanced at him.
"I'll walk you to your car," he said.
"And protect me from the shadows," she teased lightly. She threaded her arm through his.
Vin didn't correct her, but Ellie noticed how he scanned the parking lot, alert, tense as they walked. He had come home more alert, more guarded. If it gave him some measure of comfort to make sure she got to her car safely, she wouldn't deny him that.
He waited until her car started before stepping back.
"Thanks, Vin," she said sincerely. She didn't need the protection, but she appreciated how much it meant to him to double check on her safety.
She pulled her door closed and gave Vin one last wave before she pulled out.
She didn't hesitate, heading the opposite direction from her apartment. Going straight towards the highway that would take her out of Denver, and then to the foothills of the mountains and Chris' ranch.
She made one stop at a liquor store on the edge of the city. Something to bring to Chris. Maybe help him relax.
Lost in thought about the dark shadows in Chris' eyes, the drive passed quickly.
Ellie hadn't bothered calling first. She had seen Chris at the bar, he would have refused if she had asked to stop by. But he wouldn't turn her away at the door.
Or, at least, the Chris she used to know wouldn't.
Ellie shook off that discouraging thought and squared her shoulders. She wouldn't let him. He shouldn't be alone. Not with what looked like the weight of the world threatening to crush him.
The door opened before she even stepped foot on the porch.
Chris didn't say anything. Ellie tried not to falter, not sure what to make of the hard look on his face. Instead, she met his eyes and moved forward.
When she got to the door, though, she held up the two bottles, one of bourbon, one of vodka, quirking an eyebrow in question.
Chris hesitated, then sighed and pulled the door open for her.
"Good choice," Ellie said with a wink. She stood on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek, just like she had any number of times over the years.
Chris flinched back, and she blinked at him in surprise, her brow furrowing.
Chris avoided looking at her, nodding toward the living room.
Ellie followed, setting the bottles on the coffee table with a dull thud and not commenting on the half empty bottle of whiskey sitting there.
She settled in on the sofa, watching Chris' tense movements as he pulled a glass from the cabinet for her and set it on the table before sitting on the other end of the couch. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and slid the bottle towards her.
Ellie scooted closer to him, holding her glass up and waiting for him to lift his.
"To friends, Chris," she said. "Who are there for each other. No matter what."
Chris let out a snort that didn't sound like he believed a word she said, but let her tap her glass against his before they both tossed the drinks back.
Ellie's eyes watered at the burn, but that didn't stop her from opening the bourbon and pouring them each a generous amount. They both downed another glass without comment.
Comfortable warmth spread through Ellie and she leaned her head on Chris' shoulder. She could feel his muscles tense and almost expected him to shrug her off.
"You shouldn't be here," he finally said in a low voice.
"I'm right where I should be," she said loyally, squeezing his arm. And, just like in the bar, he pulled away.
Chris took the whiskey bottle and took a drink straight from it. Ellie waited until he set it down, then took it from him, taking a drink herself.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Ellie's head was starting to swim, but her words were steady. "Waiting for you to tell me what's going on with you."
Chris let out a bitter laugh.
"Chris," she said. "I want to help."
And then any humor was gone from Chris. He slammed the bottle back down on the table. "No one can help," he said sharply.
Ellie frowned. "Let me try," she insisted.
"You should go," Chris said without looking at her.
Ellie shifted so she could try to make him look at her. "Talk to me," she said.
And then she saw the hurt. The pain he was trying so hard to hide.
"Oh, Chris," she breathed. "What happened over there?"
Chris met her eyes for a moment and the man she thought she had known wasn't there. Just the shattered remnants of him.
In that moment, Ellie wanted nothing more than to comfort him. To fix him. To take away his pain.
Without thinking, Ellie took his face between her hands and found his lips.
The jolt of awareness when her lips collided with his took her breath from her. She had never thought of any of her brother's teammates as anything other than friends, an extended family. But Chris' kiss swirled with the alcohol in her bloodstream, sending heat through her veins, building a fire.
He met her heat, his hands moving to her waist, gripping her like he needed her.
Ellie could taste the alcohol on him and knew how empty the bottle was, but she didn't stop to think. She moved closer, everything about Chris taking over her senses, making her forget about anything but him, his hands on her, getting closer to him.
Chris moved his lips from hers, finding her neck, the sensitive spot behind her ear, her jawline.
Ellie gasped and couldn't hold back a moan as his hands moved.
She wasn't thinking when she pulled her t-shirt over her head. It was pure instinctive drive that had her pulling at Chris' belt and the snap on his jeans.
She moved so she was on her back on the couch, desperate for him, wanting to chase the haunted look from his eyes and every nerve in her body aching for him with a fiery heat.
It wasn't anything she had ever expected. But that didn't matter. There was no room for thought or hesitation. It was just her and Chris and needing him. Wanting to take his pain.
#
