Chapter 1 - I Was Told To Wait
Jin was aimless.
And so, it was fitting that the only reason he found that tiny house again was because he was aimless. With no real purpose to guide him, he found himself adrift on the cloud sea, sailing a small Tornan warship - stolen from a port policed by Indol. If found in the wrong ports, it and he would likely be detained on sight.
It was a fit of morbid sentimentality that drove him to take the Monoceres - the name of the stolen warship - to the coordinates where the Tornan Titan had sunk beneath the clouds.
Against the relentless currents and tides of the cloud sea, the piece of land broken off from the sunken Titan would likely stay afloat for only a decade or two. And then, like the rest of the Tornan Titan, slip beneath the cloud sea and out of sight.
As it was, as Jin stepped off the Monoceros' docking ramp, the clouds already lapped up the majority of the small landmass. The grassy piece of the Titan almost felt unstable under his feet as the dying ether line outgassed the last vestiges of life, staying afloat on the hopes and dreams that had died with its people.
His feet drew him to the only landmark on the island, pulled as if by a string he couldn't break. The house lay on a tiny piece of the past, drifting in the cloud sea like he was. When at last he arrived in front of the intact wooden structure, he couldn't help but marvel at the Architect's cruel sense of humour.
"Everything's still intact," he murmured aloud.
Jin's hand brushed against the wood of 'his' house, which stood undamaged after Mythra's last attack. Of course, in the end, he felt it wasn't his house at all, not really. The remains of him in another lifetime, when he was just another Blade of a woman he would never remember.
His hand slipped from the wood and clenched into a fist. A heart, Lora's heart, beat loudly in his ears. Her body, entombed in ice, stood in the Monoceres.
It wasn't fair that this remained and she didn't.
Jin left the tiny piece of land that day, a bitterness building within him. He tried to ignore it. The feeling wasn't a pleasant one, and he was sure Lora wouldn't have wanted him to harbour it.
But the bitterness remained. He didn't like it.
And so he tried to throw himself into life. Doing what little good that he could, changing tiny little insignificant things that a freelancer could while remaining under Indol's radar. On his own, he tried to figure out who he was, what he was, what his purpose was.
Live for her.
He heard the Aegis start becoming a thing of legend, spoken in hushed whispers among the common folk just trying to live their lives, but loudly on government floors eager to correct the mistakes of the Aegis War.
That was what they were calling it now. The desperate struggle against Malos. Details were already being lost to misinformation and myth.
He heard those remnants from Torna fleeing to the Tantalese Titan, Genbu, aiding in the indigenous people's own struggle to rebuild after their Titan had been ravaged by Malos.
He heard of the disappearance of Addam. After the first year's initial manhunt for the dangerous Driver of the Aegis, the lost Prince of Torna, Jin noticed that the story seemed to shift. He started hearing whispers calling him the legendaryHero. The Hero that with the Aegis of light had saved Alrest from absolute destruction.
He heard tell of a new Praetor in the Praetorium, of making decrees and law and order for Blades. A registration system. There were other rumours, quiet whispers of a way to increase the resonance rate of Blades.
Jin heard it all, and did nothing about it.
In all honesty, he didn't really care for it all. He and Lora had never really cared much about the goings on in the government before. So instead, he let it pass him by, living day to day, helping where he thought was best, like he hoped she would have wanted him to.
There were times, flashes, where he thought he felt her approval, after finishing off a particularly nasty monster. Helping people, whether through simple acts of kindness or official mercenary writs.
But in the end, all it felt like he was doing was wandering.
Aimless. But alive.
Despite himself and the bitterness it brought, he kept coming back, year after year to that little island. The little sliver of the Tornan Titan kept sinking, slipping little by little into the cloud sea. And despite all his efforts to the contrary, that bitterness inside him kept on building.
He stood in the house. Outside it. Paced around it. In it. The journal left by his old self taunted him.
Didn't you want this? To be together in memory. To remember her?
On one particularly rough night, a traitorous part of him wondered if he would have been happier if he hadn't gone through with becoming a flesh eater Blade. If he hadn't, would he have become the Blade of some Indoline? He ignored the thought of it in favour of holding on to his memories.
Just like Lora, he couldn't let them go.
Another year passed, and then another. But he kept coming back to that spot. It...irked him that he couldn't bring himself to move on. That feeling, alongside the bitterness grew, and grew tiresome.
And finally, ten years after the fall of Torna, something in him cracked. And Jin was ready to move on.
As far as he could tell, there hadn't been any major event that had helped him come to that conclusion. It had just been a steady build up. Perhaps, just like the little piece of Torna was all ready to sink, beneath the clouds, it was inevitable.
An almost symbolic ceremony to let go of his past.
Regardless, his mind was made up. Night had fallen and the house was all ready to burn. Everything that Jin remembered was there, any trinkets he'd picked up from his time travelling with Addam, the journals he'd made with Lora right alongside the ones from his past.
All of it, ready to burn.
The only things left would be the mask Lora made for him - out of practicality and a sense of sentimentality - and Lora's body, encased in ice. A grim reminder, but one he knew he would never be able to let go.
In his hand, a torch was held ready, lit, and all he had to do now was drop it.
His grip on the wood of the torch tightened even though it should be loose. Almost as if his hand wouldn't let him. A trick of the mind. Like the phantom feelings that seemed to come from Lora's heart.
Like right now, her heart was beating faster in his chest. Like a feeling of...nervousness? Fear? Even a decade later he still was never sure. For all he knew it was just wishful thinking. If she was here, would she support him in his decision to burn the bridges of the past?
He didn't know anymore, but at last, he dropped the torch.
There wasn't a dramatic flare, like with a fire based ether attack. The flames spread slowly at first, and over minutes, more and more started catching, until at last the little wooden cabin was alight with flames.
His careful preparation to make certain there would be nothing left in the ensuing blaze was thorough. As the flames licked up the wood of the cabin, he knew no part of it would be left untouched. Everything would be reduced to ashes.
Good.
Stepping back from the growing heat of the flames, he pulled out a picture from his pocket and glanced at the figures present there. His comrades during the war against Malos.
Now they were gone, or would be soon. Hugo and Milton were dead. He had heard Brighid and Aegeon had already been reawakened, so they would no longer remember. Mikhail wouldn't have survived the chaotic assault on Spessia. He'd heard nothing of Haze, nor Minoth, or Addam, though it wasn't for lack of trying.
But that was over now. He was moving on, literally burning the ties to his past. He hesitated, but firmed his resolve and nearly tossed the photo into the blaze in front of him.
Wait! That wouldn't really be fair of you to them, would it, Jin?
Lora's heart skipped a beat, and his free hand immediately went to the hilt of his nodachi as he whipped around and scanned the surroundings. Nothing but the tiny, nearly-drowned island, and the Monoceres docked below the hill the house sat on. The flames crackled, licking up the side of the house. Embers began raining down into the night air.
The heat built behind him, and he heard something in the house crack. Smoke mixed with embers poured out of a growing hole in the roof.
Nobody. Just him.
So why did that sound like her voice? Had he imagined it?
He supposed it wouldn't have been the first time he'd imagined what she would do in situations. But this had seemed clearer, not a memory, but real. Yet after a minute of waiting, nothing else happened. No one else was around.
Letting out a breath, he took his hand off the hilt of his weapon and began walking away from the flames. That was cruel, hearing Lora's voice like that. But whether a figment of his imagination or not, there was some truth to what he had heard.
He slid the picture into his pocket.
Oh thank goodness. But that's mean, calling me that. I'm not cruel, am I?
Jin stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the side, looking this way and that.
...Was he going mad? It hadn't been more than ten years and he was already going mad, hearing her voice in his head.
There was a laugh. Her laugh.
No you're not mad. I'm right here.
His ether circuits ran chill, chillier than normal, and he furtively looked around again, eyes wide. Still just him, the remains of a dying Titan, and the barren cloud sea. No place for anyone to hide.
But also no one to see him speak into the open air.
"...Lora?" His own voice came out quiet, tentative, unbelieving. It croaked somewhat from recent disuse.
To his astonishment, her voice responded.
Yes?
Her voice seemed to come from within him, almost like hearing his own thoughts. Something in him stirred. It wasn't hope.
It was...fear.
Dread. Was this a hallucination? A dream?
Even so he asked: "How?"
What do you mean?
His hand clenched. "I saw you die. I...ripped your own heart out with my bare hand, absorbed it into my being. I...I felt your body go cold."
You and Haze can attest to how well I can play dead. Especially when I was younger.
She was...joking? He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.
Too soon?
"I-I…" He stammered out the word, voice choked with emotion, his mind stuttering, trying to figure out what to say. What was this?
Do you want me to give you some time?
"No, wait." His answer was desperate, even to his ears. "Please." Even if this was a hallucination, a dream, he didn't want it to end. "Stay."
Alright, I'll stay.
There was silence in his mind. Behind him, the wood of the house creaked, then with finality, the roof and the walls collapsed, sending up a shower of sparks into the air that lit up the night sky.
Finally, he composed himself enough to ask, "What happened?"
He heard a sigh, and he could almost see her brow furrowing in deep thought. Her tone was more sombre than the teasing she'd been doing earlier.
I'm not really sure what happened, to be honest. I feel like I remember those last moments with you, in Spessia after...you know. But after that it's just...blank.
"Blank?"
For a while, at least. No light. No darkness, no pain. I was never really sure what the after life was like, if there ever even was one, but if that was it, then I guess that would have been okay. But after a while, I started to feel...cold.
Jin's eyes widened. "...Cold?"
Yeah. It wasn't a bad sort of chill, but it felt...lonely, I suppose. Later, I started to become aware of other things. There were flashes of feelings, thoughts. Images. Like I was falling in and out of a dream I couldn't control. Sometimes I could hear people talking. Most of the time it was your voice, Jin.
"Then those times it felt like you were there…?"
I don't know. It might have been me. It's hard to say.
"And right now, are you…" He looked around again and still he saw no one but himself. It was frustrating hearing a voice with no face to put to. "Where are you?"
With you, I think.
Jin's hand rose up to his chest, hovering over the hidden ugly scar where Lora's heart beat in his chest. "With me, huh?"
Seems so. I suppose it's kind of poetic, in a way.
"So then, what was it about today that let us talk like this?" Whatever this was.
It felt like waking up from a dream. I saw the flames. I saw you holding that photograph. Despite the heat, it was so cold. When you were about to throw it to the flames, I just couldn't stand the thought of it. I had to say something. But I didn't fall back asleep. I was kind of surprised, to be honest.
"I'm glad you didn't."
Me too.
And for a moment, he felt alright, despite the strangeness of the situation. But, now what? His eyes flicked over to the Monoceros, the only landmark now other than the flaming house behind him and the ever-present World Tree glimmering and towering in the distance.
"There's...something I feel I should show to you."
Go on then. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'm going anywhere without you.
Jin nodded, and started winding his way towards the Monoceros. Though he could still feel the heat of the now blazing inferno behind him, he didn't look back.
Jin looked up at Lora's body, suspended in the ice. The quiet hum of idling machinery inside the Monoceros filled in a silence so long that he wondered if doing this had been a mistake.
"Are you alright?" he asked carefully. It was still strange, talking to someone he couldn't see. He wasn't sure where to look.
It's so...surreal.
"Are you mad?"
No, it was kind of you to do that. It's a very you thing to do. Though I will admit that it's unsettling.
"I see." From her tone of voice, he guessed she wasn't being entirely honest to spare his feelings, but knowing Lora, probing the issue right now wouldn't do anything. "Do you feel any sort of connection?"
There was another long pause.
I don't think so. It's so strange seeing myself. I know that's my body, but there's just... There was an element of fear creeping into her voice. There's nothing, Jin. What does that mean?
"I don't know, Lora." Maybe it had been a bad idea to show her this so soon. "This is as new to me as it is to you."
You're… He heard a sigh. You're right. I'm just scared. There was another pause. I'm sorry, Jin.
His eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean?"
No matter how scary this is for me, I can't imagine how you've felt since I died. You must have been so alone. I remember how desperate you sounded at the end. I wasn't even thinking of how you must have felt since then. I just...that was selfish of me, not wanting to be forgotten, wasn't it?
"You shouldn't blame yourself. I was the one who suggested it. I was the one who did the deed."
And I agreed. But you were the only one living with the consequences. You had no one left to share the burden with.
"Lora…"
Even if I don't understand what's going on right now, I want to help you, Jin. I owe it to you for the pain I caused.
"You don't owe me anything, but...that means a lot to me."
It's the least I could offer. So...thinking about it, will the ice melt? It doesn't seem like it's particularly cold in here, so wouldn't you have to keep freezing it?
"No. It's been like that for nearly a decade. Not even a drop of water out of place."
Really? How?
"I did that. I believe it's a side effect of…" her heart seemed to beat louder in his ear, "...of what happened. The ice ether I control is much stronger."
That's pretty…'cool.'
Jin rolled his eyes.
Sorry, sorry. It is strange though. I remember. Minoth said that originally flesh eaters were created in search of greater power, so I wonder...has there been anything else you've noticed?
"Learning the full extent of my capabilities hasn't been my highest priority. Beside my ice element ether being stronger, I have noticed that my movements with my weapon are faster, more precise, but I don't know how what my limits are."
Maybe we can try it out later. Hmm. Thinking about it, do you think that the reason we can talk now is another one of those side effects of you being a flesh eater?
Jin shook his head. "I don't know. If I'm honest, all of this is still so…"
Strange?
"Yeah."
And there was the crux of the matter. It had been gnawing at him the entire time they'd been speaking in the back of his mind. Was this just a facet of his imagination, facilitated by his transformation into a flesh eater Blade?
Don't worry. Whatever it is, we'll figure this out together!
He wanted to believe it was her. Desperately. He closed his eyes, and for a moment, he could imagine she was standing beside him, and not frozen in an ice pillar. A person, not a voice in his head. A tiny laugh escaped him.
What?
"It's nothing."
You can't expect me to believe that, can you?
A subtle smile crept up. "You haven't changed."
Well, you still worry too much. I can always tell when you're doing it, even when you never say anything.
"It's in my nature to worry, I suppose."
I didn't say it was a bad thing.
The hum of machinery filled in the silence again. Opening his eyes, once again, he wished he could see something more tangible than a voice. As it was, he looked away from Lora's body. Talking with her and looking at her corpse was...off putting.
He crossed his arms. "So, what do you propose we do?"
Well...maybe we could try and talk to Addam?
"That might be difficult. I already looked for him before, but that man is impossible to find. After what happened, I don't think he wants to be found."
But you didn't have me to look for him with you last time, did you?
"No, I suppose not. And it has been years since my initial search."
Exactly! He may have let his guard down. He was always talking about settling down and tilling the land once the fighting was over while we were travelling with him. And he had a wife too, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's settled in.
"It's possible," he admitted. And it wasn't as though he had much of a plan anyways. "Is there a particular reason you want to talk with him?"
Well, he probably thinks you've returned to your core, right? And even if he hasn't, it might cheer him up to see a friend. I know it would brighten my day if I were him. Do we really need a better reason?
"No, I suppose not."
That's that then. Let's go.
Her voice went silent, and Jin found himself with the feeling of being alone in the Monoceres. The bitterness that had been growing in him retreated, if only a little. Whatever this was, figment of his imagination-
I'm very real, thank you.
- or not, he wasn't aimless anymore.
That night, as he lay down to sleep, reflecting on the day's bizarre turn, he carefully called out again.
"Lora?"
Hmm? What is it?
So she was still there. He said nothing.
Just checking to make sure I'm still around?
He chose not to answer that. It was true though.
Don't worry, Jin. I'm not going anywhere. I'm...not sure I can go anywhere.
"Are you okay with that?"
For now, I'm fine.
"I'll figure something out."
He didn't hear a response to that. After a long while he settled in.
"Good night, Lora."
'Night, Jin.
A/N: Is Jin just talking to himself, or is it real?
An exploration of that little scene in Xenoblade 2 ch. 9 where Jin says, "I was told to wait," and then sees an image or something of Lora. Except it happens differently and earlier, and Jin hasn't quite gone off the deep end.
