The following day, Maya and Carina ended up calling Vic to come over and play with the twins, not wanting to send them back to daycare when their fevers had only broken overnight but both moms too tired to play with them in the way they needed. Vic was more than happy to come over and be with them, taking them outside to play for a good part of the morning before building towers and playing games with them until their nap.
After their nap, Carina was feeling ok enough to get up and heat them up some dinner. Maya was still pretty sick and her fever was still pretty high which worried Carina. They made sure to call Lia a few times, the baby pretty fussy due to what the doctors thought was reflux which broke Maya and Carina's hearts to listen to, but their friends made sure Lia always had someone with her so at least they knew she wasn't alone when she wasn't feeling well.
The next day, Carina took the twins back to daycare, opting to stay home herself another day because she hadn't fully shaken the fever and she needed another day to recover. Also, she was worried about her wife who was still sporting a high fever and having a lot of pain in her breast. Carina decided that if the fever didn't break and Maya didn't start getting better, she was going to have to take her to the hospital the following day because she knew sometimes mastitis didn't respond well to oral antibiotics and people needed IV doses to improve. She had told this to Maya and it all but sent her into a panic attack thinking about more time in the hospital.
Luckily, around 3 am, they both woke up to a soaking wet bed and a much cooler Maya. After a shower and changing the sheets, they both went back to sleep, happy the hospital could be avoided. Maya slept a lot the following day, her body needing to recover more. Carina went back to work and even stopped by the NICU for a visit with Lia and a phone call with her wife so she could see her, Maya promising to come see her the following day.
Finally, after almost 5 days of not holding her baby, Maya was able to go back to the NICU for the first time since being sick, almost bursting into tears when she picked Lia up for the first time in that long.
"Hi Peanut," Maya said, holding her close, "Hi. Oh, you have gotten so big in the past few days. I missed you so much."
"Hey Maya," Pam said, coming over to her, "I heard you all were pretty sick the past few days."
"Yeah," Maya nodded, "The twins had strep which they kindly shared and I also got mastitis at the same time. It was not a great time, but everyone is healthy again thankfully."
"Good," Pam said, "Man, strep and mastitis? That is rough."
"Tell me about it," Maya said, shaking her head, "And I always run high fevers when I'm sick so it makes it that much more miserable. But I have been fever free for over 24 hours and I'm good to go. I mean, I also have been on antibiotics for four days and I don't think mastitis is contagious so…"
"Oh, yeah, of course," Pam say, "You are more than good. It looks like Lia is happy to have her mommy back."
Maya smiled, looking down at Lia who was just relaxing on her chest, hand grasping her bra strap.
"I feel like she has gotten so big the past few days," Maya said, rubbing the baby's back gently, smiling at the cute lemon outfit Lia had on.
"She is growing," Pam said, "Actually, I think Dr. Jax was talking about moving her to an open-air crib today or tomorrow."
"Really?" Maya said, eyes wide.
She knew that was a big step and another box to check off on Lia's journey to home.
"Yes," Pam said, "She is maintaining her temperature really well most of the time and he thinks she's ready. He also wants to try to wean her oxygen down a little and see how she does. Right now, she's still on high flow, but he's hoping in a week, we can get her down to a regular nasal cannula and then off of it all together."
"I know Carina said she didn't have any breath holding spells yesterday when she was here, but did she overnight?" Maya asked, looking at her little girl.
"Nope," Pam said, "It's actually been about 36 hours since she last had one. Which is a great improvement."
"Good job Peanut," Maya said, smiling down at the baby, "I am so proud of you."
"She is really making big strides forward," Pam said, "She is exactly where she should be for 35 weeks one day which is where she is today. Is there anything you need right now?"
"Is it almost time to feed her?" Maya asked.
"In about thirty minutes, yes," Pam said, "I'll come back over to help you. As you know, she's been a little refluxy lately so we are trying some things to help with that. I know you have been trying to breastfeed which is great, but we have a bit of a different position for you to try to help keep the milk in her belly and not all over you or her. And a few other things too. She had a better day yesterday than she did the few days before so we want to try to keep that momentum going. She actually finally started taking over an ounce yesterday by mouth which was great, as I'm sure Carina told you."
"She did," Maya nodded, "And I know about the reflux. It was so hard to hear her crying and not feeling well when we weren't here to hold her."
"I know," Pam said, "Luckily, with the adjustments we have made, she seems to be better without any medicine. She still could end up needing some down the line, but for now, she's doing well. Reflux is extremely common in preemies and it usually goes away on its own, just like in all babies. There's a good chance she will always spit up more than the average baby, but as long as she's eating and not in pain, it just comes with preemie territory."
"Ok," Maya said, nodding, knowing it was normal for babies to spit up.
They went through so many burp clothes and outfits and blankets when the twins were tiny that she was doing laundry every day, but with Lia, it scared her more. She knew the tiny baby needed all the calories and nutrients she could get and the fact that she was spitting up a bunch made Maya worry. But she was gaining weight and today at least, didn't seem to be as fussy.
"She's working hard on getting home to be with her family," Pam said with a smile, "I will let you two catch up on all the cuddles you missed out on the past few days. As always, just call if you need anything."
"Thank you," Maya said before looking down at Lia, "Did you hear that Peanut? You are doing such a good job. I am so proud of you. But I would also be so proud of you even if things weren't going so well too. I am just proud of you for being here. I missed you so so much, but I'm so glad that you got to spend time with your aunts and uncles. Your big sisters were sick and then Mamma and I were sick. Getting sick is something I hope you don't have to learn about for a long, long time because it is no fun. But I know you weren't feeling too well either when we weren't here. I'm sorry your tummy was bothering you. But it sounds like we have some solutions so hopefully no more pain. I hope you didn't miss me too much while I was gone. I try really hard to not go more than 24 hours without seeing your sisters or mamma and the same goes for you. But I also don't want to get you sick. Are you ready to move into a big girl bed soon? That means you will get to look at the ceiling when you are lying in bed instead of the top of your incubator. That will be pretty cool. Maybe we can even have your sisters draw some pictures that we can put up so you can see them. They like to draw, especially Nora. I think Nora doesn't quite know how to feel about you yet, but I promise you she loves you. She just takes some time to adjust. And Rowan, she is so excited for you to come home eventually. Mamma and I will make sure she doesn't smother you, but she is going to want to hold you all the time. Your sisters love you so much."
Maya just sat there for a while, Lia contently resting her head on her chest as Maya talked a little and sang her some songs.
Soon enough, it was time for her to eat. Pam came over to help, having Maya change Lia first because they didn't want to lay her flat after she ate to do it. She then showed Maya how to hold her so Lia wasn't laying down to eat and was instead more in an upright position facing Maya. Unfortunately, that didn't go super well and Lia just couldn't get the latch down, fussing as she tried.
"Can I just have a bottle?" Maya asked, hating that the baby was getting upset, "I don't want to make this harder on her than it has to be."
"Of course," Pam said, "Let me go grab one."
"Ok Lia," Maya said, pulling her bra back in place before standing up, bouncing the baby a little, "It's ok. I'm sorry that was so hard. We don't have to breastfeed if you don't want to. We will get you a bottle."
Lia settled a little bit once Maya got up and started moving a little, but she was still not happy.
"Here we go," Pam said, coming back over a few minutes later with a bottle, "Oh Miss Lia, it's ok. We have food for you. Maya, why don't you sit and I will show you how we've been holding her to help her most."
"Ok," Maya said, sitting down.
"So one way we have found has been really good is to sit her on your lap and then lean her back against your chest just a little for support and then feed her sitting like that," Pam said, helping Maya get Lia situated in that way, "I know it's not quite as nice as looking at her while you feed her and we have some options for that too, but she has really liked this position the past two days."
"If this is what she likes, then this is perfect," Maya said, popping the bottle into the fussy baby's mouth, it taking a second before Lia realized she was being fed and started suckling her bottle, "There we go. Is that better?"
"Now, we have also been making sure to burp her every half an ounce to ounce," Pam said, "She hasn't taken much more than an ounce though so she should be good. And when you burp her, just keep her upright. And then keep her upright for at least half an hour after she eats too. I know her favorite place is curled up on your chest and that is a perfect position for her."
"Ok," Maya said as Pam tucked a cloth under Lia's chin to catch the tiny drops of milk that would occasionally dribble out as she drank her bottle.
"Ok," Pam said, "I need to go check on something. I will be back in a few minutes but please call if you need anything, ok?"
"Sounds good," Maya said, nodding as Pam walked away.
It was strange feeding Lia when she couldn't see her face, but the baby seemed pretty happy so Maya wasn't going to complain. She was careful to burp her after each half ounce, Lia shocking her by taking a whole two ounces before she stopped.
"Wow Peanut," Maya said as she patted Lia's back to burp her, "That was such a good job."
Lia responded with a burp and a decent amount of spit up which Maya quickly wiped away, Lia fussing a little bit after.
"I know, that's probably not fun," Maya said, bringing Lia up to her chest to cuddle her, "Is your tummy hurting a little bit?"
Lia rubbed her face on Maya's chest, still not comfortable.
"Here," Maya said, undoing the magnets on the front of Lia's jammies so she was skin to skin before grabbing Lia's pacifier, sticking it in her mouth before starting to sing to the baby.
It took a minute, but Lia settled, her eyes getting heavy as she relaxed.
"There we go," Maya said, smiling as Lia settled more, "Just take a nap Peanut. It will help."
Maya just sat there, rocking in the chair, rubbing Lia's back until she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Hey," she said, smiling as her wife appeared in front of her, "Are you on a break?"
"I am," Carina said, "For about half an hour. How is our Trottolina doing today?"
"She ate two whole ounces for me," Maya said, "She was a little bit fussy after, but we are doing skin to skin which seems to have calmed her down."
"That was how she was for me yesterday," Carina nodded, "I'm glad she's sleeping. How are you feeling?"
"Pretty good," Maya said, "Finally. I'm happy to be back with her."
"Did she breastfeed?" Carina asked.
"No," Maya sighed, "The positioning was too hard and she was too fussy. I just gave her a bottle."
"Did you go pump?" Carina asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Not yet," Maya said, biting her lip as she looked down.
"Bambina, you are coming off mastitis," Carina said, "You have to be keeping up with pumping."
"It's only just three hours now," Maya said, "And I can't lay her down for another twenty minutes at least. I'll be ok."
"Good think her mamma is here and in dire need of some cuddles," Carina said, "Let me take her so you can go pump."
"Fine," Maya sighed, not excited about the idea of not holding Lia, even just for a few minutes, but she knew her wife was right.
After they carefully swapped who was holding Lia, Maya went to go pump while Carina sat in the chair with Lia who was still sleeping.
"Oh, Carina," Pam said, coming over a few minutes later with Dr. Jax at her side, "Where did Maya go?"
"To pump," Carina said, "She needs to try to stay on top of it, especially right now because of her mastitis. I was pretty close to bringing her in for IV antibiotics because of how sick she was. Luckily, we didn't hit that point, but she needs to keep up with the pumping now to make sure she doesn't end up with another infection."
"Of course," Pam nodded, "Yeah, mastitis is no joke. Dr. Jax has something he wants to tell you."
"It's time for Lia to move to an open-air bassinet," Dr. Jax said, "Her temperatures have been beautiful and she is big enough and stable enough for it."
"Really?" Carina said, having not heard that the night before when she visited though she knew it was likely coming.
"Yes," Dr. Jax said, "She has been doing really well and we think she's ready. And then tomorrow, as long as she tolerates the open-air crib well, we are going to start working on weaning her oxygen again. She has done well with that too, and I would like her off high flow sooner rather than later. As you know, that means we are going to move her to another part of the NICU."
"Si," Carina nodded, "Of course. Is she moving now?"
"I was going to start bringing her things over to the new bed," Pam said, "But I'll wait until she's awake to make you get up with her."
"Ok," Carina nodded, feeling oddly emotional about Lia moving out of the incubator.
It had been her first home, the only bed she had ever slept in and now she was going to be somewhere else. Sure, it was a good thing, but it also was a big deal and felt like their baby was growing up. She blinked a few times, wiping her eye with her free hand before she heard an alarm going off and quickly realized that was for her baby.
"Lia," Carina said, moving the baby, rubbing her chest gently, "Come on Trottolina. You have to breathe."
Just as Pam ran over, Lia took a big breath and started crying.
"Miss Lia," Pam said, grabbing her stethoscope, "You cannot hold your breath. I know Mamma is comfy, but you have to keep breathing."
"Did she stop again?" Maya asked as she ran over to them.
"She did," Carina nodded as Pam kept doing her assessment of Lia, "Just for a little bit."
"It had been almost two days since she last did that," Maya said, tears in her eyes, "Why did it happen again?"
"It just happens sometimes," Pam said, "Breathing is a complex thing and learning to do it all the time can be a lot. The good news is that she came back form it beautifully and quickly and she is ok even if she's a little grumpy now."
"When is she going to grow out of it?" Maya said, setting down her pumping bag as she went over to Carina and Lia, both of whom were pretty shaken up.
"We don't know Bambina," Carina said, trying to calm herself down along with the baby in her arms, "It could be tomorrow or in a few weeks."
"Babies almost always grow out of it by the time they are at term," Pam said, double checking Lia's sats which were normal, "Lia is starting to grow out of it. The episodes are getting further and further apart. I know it's scary, but I promise she is doing better."
"I just…I don't want to have to worry about her not breathing," Maya said, looking at Lia who was red faced with tears, "I just want her to be ok."
"I know," Pam said, "I wish there was a way I could tell you when these spells will stop, but I can't. I can promise you that we have a good eye on her all the time and are right here when you aren't able to be, ok? For now, just hold her and be with her. That is exactly what she needs from you."
Maya nodded, wiping the tear that ran down her cheek.
"Do either of you need anything?" Pam asked, looking between Maya and Carina.
"No," Maya said as Carina shook her head, still trying to finish calming Lia down.
"Ok," Pam said, "I'm going to keep moving her things unless you need something else."
"Wait, moving her?" Maya said, confused.
"Oh, yeah, Dr. Jax has decided Lia is ready to move to an open-air crib," Carina said, "And tomorrow she is going to be weaned down on her oxygen too."
"Woah," Maya said, "That's…woah."
"I know," Carina said, "She is working hard to come home."
"I can't wait for that day," Maya said, sitting down next to Carina, "But also it sounds so scary to have her home. What if she stops breathing at home? Or what if something else goes wrong? In here, she's safe and watched all the time, but at home…"
"Hey," Carina said, feeling her wife start to spiral, "Let's not think about that right now ok? Lia isn't coming home tomorrow or any time in the very very immediate future. And when she comes home, we can get a monitor for her to wear just like the one she has here if that's something that you think will help. But we do have to take her home one day."
"I know," Maya said, "I mean, I want her home. I want her home more than anything. I just…I'm scared."
"I am too," Carina said, "Terrified actually, but we've got this."
Maya smiled a little as her wife reached out her hand, the blonde taking it and giving it a squeeze.
"I'm glad you were here when she had her episode," Maya said, "I hate when she has them, but I'm glad she had her mamma with her."
"I'm just glad she settled," Carina said, "I hate when she's upset. I am going to have to go soon though. I have a patient in ten minutes."
"I can take her back whenever you are ready," Maya said, seeing the look of sadness and fear on her wife's face, "But also, I think it would be ok if you were a few minutes late. Doctors run late all the time."
"I try really hard not to run late though," Carina sighed, "And this isn't just a regular appointment. This is a scheduled c-section and I need to be on time for the OR. I just need another minute or two with this Trottolina."
"Ok," Maya said, seeing how hard her wife was trying to be strong.
All too soon, it was time for Carina to go, Maya carefully taking the still sleeping Lia, giving Carina a quick kiss before she headed to the OR.
"I will try to come back down later," Carina said, "I won't be off until midnight at the earliest tonight so I'm going to try to steal my time with her where I can."
"Ok," Maya said, "I'll be here until 3 and then I have to get the twins and take them home. I might take them to a park or something if the weathers ok."
"Don't push yourself too hard ok?" Carina said, "You are still recovering. The bambine will be just as happy playing at home."
"I won't push too hard," Maya promised, "Now, go be amazing. I love you."
"Ti amo," Carina said, "Ti voglio bene Trottolina."
Carina headed out, leaving Maya with Lia. The baby slept for a good long time before waking up pretty happy. Pam helped Maya move Lia to her new bed, the two of them giving her a quick bath before settling her into her new space.
"This is your new bed," Maya said as she did the snaps on Lia's new outfit, a cute little piece with fish jumping out of the water that said "go with the flow" on it, "It looks like a pretty nice area. It's quieter than the other bed too. Look at this hair. I think Mamma might be right. I think you might be a little red headed girl. How did that happen Peanut?"
Lia, who had finally calmed down after being fussy from having to get dressed after the bath sighed up at Maya. Maya took a very soft baby brush that they had brought in, gently brushing the tiny, tiny amount of hair on the top of Lia's head.
Once that was done, she put a hat on Lia's head, smiling as she took a quick picture to send to Carina before scooping the baby back up into her arms. The rest of the afternoon was calm, Maya feeding Lia again, the baby eating less this time and spitting up quite a bit which made her cranky, but luckily, once Maya sang to her and paced around a little, Lia calmed and eventually went to sleep.
When she woke up from that nap, Maya read to her and just chatted with her about life and fire safety, something she had always done with the twins when they were babies and even still. Maya was there for one final feeding before heading to get Rowan and Nora. She decided she was feeling up to taking them to the park so she loaded them up, texting Andy before they headed over there, knowing her best friend was off today, inviting her to join them. Andy quickly agreed, saying she has just picked Luca up from school so she would meet them in just a few minutes.
Once they got to the playground, Maya got the twins out of the car, Andy pulling up just as they were about to walk over to the park.
"Tia Andy," Rowan called as she saw her aunt get out of the car.
"Hi Rowan," Andy smiled, "How are you?"
"I'm feeling better," Rowan said, "My froat doesn't hurt anymore and neither does Noa's or Mommy's or Mamma's."
"That's good," Andy said as she opened up her car to get her own kids out, "Being sick is no fun."
"Wonnie," Nora called, seeing her cousin in the car, "Yuca."
"Noa," Ronnie called, kicking her legs as Andy helped her with her buckles, Luca already out of his seat.
"Ronnie, stop kicking so I can get you out," Andy said, putting a hand on her daughter's legs.
"Lo tiento," Ronnie said, stopping as Andy undid the buckles before both her kids got out of the car, running over to Rowan and Nora.
"Mama, can we go to the park?" Luca asked, bouncing up and down.
"Go ahead," Andy said as Maya nodded, Luca, Rowan, and Ronnie all running to the playground while Nora just held Maya hand.
"I'm guessing you just came from the hospital?" Andy said as she and Maya walked over to the park.
"Yep," Maya said, "It was the first time I saw Lia in five days because I was so sick. It was good to see her today. And she moved to a new bed, an open-air crib which means she's regulating her own body temperature better."
"Wow, Maya, that's amazing," Andy said, "Does that mean she's coming home soon?"
"Probably not," Maya said, "I mean, it's a step toward coming home, but she's still got to be eating her full feeds by mouth and come off her oxygen. They are starting to try to wean her oxygen down again tomorrow. They've tried a couple times but she hasn't done great, but she is more stable now and seems to be doing much better with her breathing. She's thirty-five weeks one day today so she's heading toward home but we probably have a few more weeks. She'll be a month old in two days which hurts my head to think she's been here that long."
"It's really already been almost a month?" Andy said, shaking her head.
"It has," Maya said, "It's been the fastest and slowest month of my life."
"Mommy, tan I go play?" Nora asked, looking up at Maya.
"Of course," Maya said, "Go ahead. I'll be right here."
Nora nodded, going to play with her sister and cousins as Maya and Andy sat down on a bench.
"How have you been?" Maya said, "I feel like I haven't seen you much recently."
"I know," Andy said, "We've both been busy. Luca started kindergarten two weeks ago and it is still wild to me that he is somehow five and in full time school. But he is loving it. He's coming out of his shell and making friends. It's been good."
"What's going on?" Maya asked, sensing Andy was holding something back from her.
"It's nothing," Andy said, "I mean, probably nothing. Robert has just been distant recently and I just…It feels like there's something going on. Or there's something wrong. He keeps picking up shifts at other stations as a sub and not being home. He almost missed Luca's first day of school which I understand if he was scheduled to work, but I purposely didn't schedule him that night so he could be home and then he picked up a shift anyway. I don't know. And when I try to talk to him, he just says he is trying to make extra money so we can go on vacation or that he is trying to brush up on his skills or literally any excuse in the books. I don't know. It just feels like something is going on."
"I'm sorry Andy," Maya said, "That's rough. Is there anything I can do? I can talk to the other battalion chiefs and get them to deny his OT or something."
"No," Andy said, "No, that won't help. I don't know what I need. I just feel like I'm losing him and the kids are losing him. Maybe I'm just being paranoid."
"Don't put down your own intuition," Maya said, "If you feel like something's wrong, don't shut that down. Maybe try talking to him again?"
"I will," Andy sighed, "I just…I don't know."
"Whatever you need, I'm here for you," Maya said, "If you need us to take the kids or something so you guys have time to talk, we can."
"No," Andy said, "I mean, thank you, but you two have so much going on. I know Travis or Vic or Dean would be able to take them if we need that. I'm hoping we can just find time to talk when they are at school and daycare. He just has to be home is the problem."
"Just say the word and his OT will be denied," Maya said.
"I won't ask you for that," Andy said, "But thank you for offering. I'm hoping it's just him needing to work and not something worse like a relapse or something."
"Whatever it is, I'm right here for you through it," Maya said, putting a hand on Andy's shoulder.
"Thanks Mai," the Latina said, smiling.
"Mama, come push me," they heard from the playground, Ronnie standing by the swings.
"Duty calls," Andy said as she and Maya both got up and headed over to push their kids on the swings.
They played at the park for another hour or so before it was time for everyone to go home. "I'm serious Andy, let me know if there's anything I can do for you," Maya said after they got their kids loaded up into the car.
"Thank you," Andy said, smiling at her friend, "Same goes for you. If you guys need any help with the twins or anything else, just let me know."
Maya smiled as they both squeezed each other's hand before getting in their own cars and heading home. Maya got the twins home, opting for bath time before dinner tonight because the girls were sweaty from the park.
After baths, dinner, and another round of antibiotics for everyone, Maya went to play with the twins. The girls had gotten very into puzzles while recovering from strep and they had one out of the floor that they were working on. Eventually, it was bedtime, Carina surprising all of them by calling just as it was time for bed, allowing the twins to say goodnight and Carina to sing to them before she was pulled away for a delivery.
Maya got the twins down for the evening before going to finish cleaning up the kitchen and make the twins' lunches for the following day. She made sure to stay on top of her pumping routine.
With Carina working late, Maya decided to pull out her laptop and check on work stuff. She hadn't done it often since Lia was born, but she wasn't tired enough to sleep tonight and she wanted to just see what was going on. She had been keeping up with things tangentially through Andy and Vic and Travis but she hadn't checked her email in over a week. It was kinda crazy to her because before they had kids, she never would have ever fathomed going that long, but when the twins came along, things changed and now with Lia, they had changed even more.
There were days where she desperately missed being at work and being in fires and just being with her people at the station, but she also couldn't imagine being back at this point and not getting to spend all her days with Lia in the NICU.
She went through some emails, emailing a few people back and just clearing out her inbox before it was time for her to pump again and then try to get some sleep. She knew she likely wouldn't fall asleep until after Carina got home, but she was still a little run down from her illnesses and being cuddled up in bed sounded like the best thing at the moment.
She put on a podcast, just listening to it as she drifted in and out of sleep. She woke up around 11 to pump again, trying to stay awake until her wife got home around 12:30.
However, she was apparently too exhausted for that, jolting awake when she heard the bathroom door close. She rubbed her eyes, hearing the water turn on as she grabbed her phone, seeing it was nearing 2 am. She knew this likely meant Carina had had a bit of a rough shift. She bit her lip, trying to decide if she should get up and go check on her wife or not. However, it was now also time for her to pump again so she decided to do that and give Carina the space she knew she often craved after a really long day at work.
Maya hoped that the day was just long and not too hard because Carina had to work the following morning at 10. Just as Maya was finishing up her pumping session, she heard the shower turn off, realizing her wife had taken a much longer than normal shower.
She sighed as she took her pump apart, storing the milk in the mini fridge before going to the bathroom door, knocking gently, "Hey Car, can I come in?"
She heard a very quiet "si" so she opened the door, being immediately with a face full of steam.
"Hey," Maya said, setting her pump parts down before walking over to her wife, immediately knowing something was wrong, "Wanna talk about it?"
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "I just want to go to bed. I'm tired."
"Ok," Maya said, trying to wrap her wife in a hug only to have the older woman pull away, "I'm here if you need me. I'm just gonna wash my pump and then I'll meet you in bed."
Carina murmured something Maya couldn't quite make out before shuffling out of the bathroom. Maya got her pump cleaned, setting it on the counter to dry before heading back into the bedroom, finding Carina curled up in bed, eyes closed. Maya was pretty sure she wasn't sleeping, but she also was going to respect her wife's boundary for tonight and not push her to talk.
Instead, she got into bed, debating for a second before wrapping her arms around her wife, feeling Carina snuggle back a little, pressing her back to Maya's front a little tighter.
"I love you," Maya whispered, pressing a kiss to her wife's shoulder before letting her own eyes slip closed, hoping that most of what was going on was mostly just Carina being tired and that some sleep would help.
Unfortunately, sleep was short lived when Maya was ripped out of sleep by a cry. At first she thought maybe the twins had woken up, but then she felt her wife moving around in bed next to her and realized the Italian was in the midst of a nightmare.
"Carina," Maya said, trying to get her to wake up, "Hey, Carina, wake up. You're ok."
It took a minute, but Carina's eyes popped open, fear and terror obvious even in the darkness of their bedroom as the Italian burst into tears, clinging to her wife.
"Ok," Maya said, rubbing her back, "It's ok. I'm right here. You're ok."
Carina cried in Maya's arms for a while before she tried to move, getting out of bed and going over to the dresser.
"Carina, what are you doing?" Maya asked, confused because it was only 3:30 am.
"I need to go to the hospital," Carina said, pulling on a pair of pants, "I need to go see Lia."
"Babe, you have barely been home an hour and you have to work tomorrow," Maya said, confused as she got out of bed, "You can see Lia tomorrow."
"No," Carina said, shaking her head as she took off her pajama shirt and dug around for a bra, "No, I need to see her now. I need to make sure she's ok."
"Carina, what is going on?" Maya asked, "Did you have a dream about Lia or something?"
Carina stopped, looking at her wife for a moment before breaking down in tears again, Maya pulling her close. Eventually, the tears stopped, but Carina just stayed buried in Maya's neck.
"Babe, hey, let's get back in bed, ok?" Maya said after a little while, really hoping she could convince her wife that it wasn't necessary to go to the hospital right now.
"Can we call the nurses and see Lia?" Carina asked, rubbing her puffy eyes.
"Of course," Maya said, knowing the NICU nurses were more than happy to let them talk to their little girl whenever they wanted, "How about you get back into your pajamas though, ok? I'm gonna go get you some water."
Carina nodded, going to change as Maya headed downstairs to grab both of them some cold water. She came back upstairs just as Carina was getting back into bed, phone in hand.
"Hey," Tori, one of Lia's newer night nurses, said as she answered the phone, "I was just about to settle Lia after diaper change. She's right here."
"Hi Trottolina," Carina said, just staring at the baby, "Is she doing ok tonight?"
"She is," Tori nodded, "Just like when you left, but I know after tonight, you probably need some extra reassurance."
"What happened tonight?" Maya asked, "Did something happen to Lia you didn't tell me about?"
"No," Carina said, still just staring at the baby, "No, Lia is fine."
"But what happened tonight?" Maya asked, "What aren't you telling me?"
"Our baby is fine Maya," Carina said, "She's just fine."
Tears started rolling down Carina's cheeks again, the Italian quickly wiping them away.
"Hey," Maya said, concern only growing, "What is going on?"
"Tori, thank you for letting us see her," Carina said, "I hope she settles ok for the rest of the night."
"Bye Peanut," Maya said waving a little as Carina hung up the phone, "Carina, what happened?"
"I had a mama come in tonight," Carina said, staring straight ahead, "She was 24 weeks, her waters had broken, she was 8 centimeters and the baby was in distress. We tried to delay labor, but the baby's condition kept getting worse. We had no choice but to do an emergency c-section but the baby… the team worked on her for almost half an hour but they never got a heartbeat for more than a few seconds. This mama, she has had three miscarriages. This was the first time she ever made it past 15 weeks and now, her bambina is just gone. And the worst part is, her husband was away on a business trip to New York so she was all alone in the OR when they came in and told us the baby didn't make it. And then in my dream tonight, it wasn't her but it was you and Lia and we lost her and…"
With that, the sobs started again, Maya pulling Carina close to her again as she felt tears in her own eyes. Their NICU journey had been anything but easy, but hearing stories like that really made her grateful for how well Lia was actually doing. The two of them just sat there for a while, Carina clinging to Maya while Maya just held her, both of them crying.
It took a while, but eventually, the tears tapered off, Maya handing Carina some tissues before wiping her own eyes.
"Sorry for keeping you awake," Carina said, "I know you're tired."
"Carina, absolutely not," Maya said, "You never make me apologize when I keep you up and you will not be apologizing to me. We are a team, in this together and I would stay up for days if that's what you needed to feel a little less awful. Now, what can I do? Do you want to lay back down and try to sleep or do you want me to read or we can go downstairs and snuggle on the couch. What can I do?"
"Let's stay up here," Carina said, "I do have to work in the morning and I should try to sleep and you need sleep too. But maybe we listen to some music?"
"Sounds good to me," Maya said, grabbing her phone and putting on their favorite playlist, the same one that had gotten Carina through her radiation treatments and that Maya had often listened to while she was stuck in bed while she was pregnant.
They then laid down in bed, Maya pulling Carina close. She could all but feel the anxiety rolling off her wife though so after about fifteen minutes, Maya sat up.
"Take your shirt off," Maya said as she pulled her own t-shirt over her head, all thoughts about her body disappearing as she focused on how to help her wife.
"Bambina, what?" Carina said, confused as she also sat up.
"Well, when Lia is upset and can't calm down, skin to skin helps a lot," Maya said, "And you are upset and struggling and don't tell me you're not so come on, take your shirt off."
Once Carina realized what Maya was doing, she pulled her own shirt off before both of them laid down, Carina sighing a little bit as she felt her wife's skin on her own.
"Better?" Maya asked, running her fingers through her wife's hair.
"Si," Carina nodded, "Better."
"Try to sleep babe," Maya said, "I'm right here. Nora and Rowan are sleeping happily down the hall, Lia is all cuddled up in the NICU in her new bed because she is doing so well. We are all safe and so are you."
"Ti amo Bambina," Carina said.
"I love you too," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Carina's shoulder blades.
It took a while, but eventually, they both drifted off to sleep again, grateful they had each other, and that for now at least, all of their kids were safe and healthy.
A few days after, just as everyone was finally back to their normal routine after their illness, they got another call from daycare that Nora was having an upset tummy and had had an accident because of it. Maya herself hadn't been feeling super great either since the night before but as she and Carina had discussed, she was on antibiotics that were more than likely making her feel less than ideal. Maya's body didn't do great with antibiotics in general most of the time and she would often end up with an upset stomach and occasionally even have to take a day off work to spend at home near the bathroom so it was no surprise her body wasn't loving her being on two antibiotics, one of which was very strong for her mastitis.
She had actually decided to wait to go in to see Lia that morning just because she wanted to see if maybe some Pepto and a few BRAT diet foods would help her feel a bit better so when daycare called, she headed to pick up Nora who was pretty upset. Maya assured her that it was ok and that it wasn't her fault and took her home for a bath and some children's Pepto and a day of movies on the couch snacking on foods that would be easy on her belly and just resting.
Luckily, the twins got their last dose that morning as did Maya so hopefully they both would be feeling better the following day. However, as the day wore on, while Nora felt a little bit better after some meds, the same could not be said for her mommy.
Carina had come home with Rowan to find Maya on the couch with a plastic lined trash can sitting on the floor next to her, Nora rubbing her back as they watched a movie together.
"Oh Bambina," Carina sighed, seeing how miserable her wife looked, "What can I do?"
"I don't know," Maya said, voice barely above a whisper, "I feel so nauseous."
"Do you want me to help you up to bed?" Carina asked.
"I'm ok," Maya said, swallowing thickly as she closed her eyes.
"Mommy's sick," Nora said, "Her tummy hurts."
"I know," Carina said, "How is your tummy feeling?"
"Um, icky," Nora said, "But Mommy gived me medicine and a beenana and ogurt to help me feel better."
"Good," Carina said, "I have some soup for dinner. Does that sound like something your tummy would like?"
"I fink so," Nora nodded, "But I don't want Mommy to be alone."
"I'm ok Piccola," Maya said, "You can go eat dinner."
"You can stay here with Mommy for a little bit while I go get things ready," Carina said, "Bambina, do you need or want anything. Maybe an antinausea pill or something."
"No," Maya whispered, "I don't know if I can get it down."
"Ok," Carina sighed, rubbing her back with a frown on her face, "Just rest. I'll be back in a few minutes."
Carina wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her wife for the rest of the night and just hold her until her stomach felt better, but they had two three-year-olds who needed dinner and baths and to be taken care of so reluctantly, Carina went into the kitchen to start on those things.
While the twins ate, Carina snuck a few minutes to check on Maya, bringing her a cool, damp cloth to try to help with the nausea.
"Are you feeling any better Bambina?" Carina asked as she put the cloth on the back of Maya's neck.
"No," Maya said, "But I'll be ok."
"Are you sure you don't want to go up to bed?" Carina asked, "You would probably be more comfortable in bed."
"Ok," Maya said, opening her eyes as she looked up at her wife, Carina's heart breaking a little at the pain and anxiety she saw reflecting back at her.
"Oh Bambina," Carina said, rubbing Maya's back, "Let's get you up to bed."
Carina helped Maya sit up, the blonde having to stop to try to keep control over her stomach for a minute before standing up, leaning heavily on her wife.
"I've got you," Carina said, pressing a kiss to the side of Maya's head as she helped her up the steps.
"I don't feel good Carina," Maya said, voice shaky as they walked up the stairs.
"I know," Carina said, "We can get you into bed and you can just sleep ok?"
"No, I like really don't…" Maya said before she was cut off as she threw up on the stairs.
"Oh Bambina," Carina sighed as she rubbed her back, "Ok. Just get it all up."
"I'm sorry," Maya groaned as she coughed a little bit.
"It's ok," Carina said, "You don't feel well. You can't help it. Are you ok? I mean, I know you are probably not ok but do you think you can keep moving?"
"Yeah," Maya said, "I can go get some towels and…"
"The only thing you are going to do is get in bed," Carina said, "Or go hang out in the bathroom if you need to. I will take care of the mess. Come on."
Carina helped Maya up the rest of the stairs, the blonde heading into the bathroom while Carina made sure everything was set up next to her wife's bed to help her feel better. It felt like a weird déjà vu as she set a trash can next to Maya's bed. She hated that her wife was feeling sick again, but she also knew it was just her antibiotics.
"You ok Bambina?" Carina asked, knowing on the closed door.
"Yeah," Maya said, "I will be."
"Do you need anything?" Carina asked.
"No," the sick blonde said quietly.
"Ok," Carina said, "I'm gonna go back downstairs. I left your phone on your nightstand. Call me or text me if you need me. I'll be back up here as soon as I can, ok?"
"Ok," Maya said, "Thank you."
"I hope you can get some rest soon Bambina," Carina said, pressing a hand to the door before forcing herself away.
She went back downstairs, getting the stairs cleaned up after checking to make sure the twins were ok. Once the stairs were cleaned, she was going to go check on Maya, but instead, she heard Rowan calling for her so she headed back to the kitchen to eat with them. Once dinner was done, she sat down on the couch to read with the girls at their request. Just recently, the twins had both been showing some interest in learning how to read, but Nora especially so Carina tried to take the time to do that with her as often as she could.
Eventually, it was time for a bath for Rowan while Nora looked at more books about dinosaurs and then time for bed. Carina went to check on her wife and see if she was up for some goodnight kisses which the blonde was so once the twins were both dressed and had their teeth brushed, Carina brought them in.
"Mommy, are you going to have another baby?" Rowan asked.
"What?" Maya said, confused, "No. I just had Lia. Why do you think I am having another baby?"
"Tetause you growed up and your tummy hurts," Rowan said.
"Oh Patatina, Mommy's tummy is hurting because of the medicine she had to take when she was sick," Carina said, "Just like the medicine you had to take, but it made Mommy not feel very well. She'll feel better soon."
"Oh," Rowan said, nodding, "But why did Mommy get sick and not me or you or Noa?"
"Well, Nora wasn't feeling very well earlier," Carina said, "But sometimes, different medicines make different people feel sick and don't make others feel sick. Just like some people like some foods and others don't."
Rowan nodded, clearly taking in the information as Nora gave Maya a hug and kiss before the little blonde did the same.
"Ok Bambine, time for bed," Carina said, "Go pick out books. I will be right there."
The twins ran out of the room as Carina went around to Maya's side of the bed.
"How are you feeling Bambina?" Carina asked, brushing a rogue piece of hair off her wife's forehead, "Up for any anti-nausea meds yet?"
"Still don't think I could hold them down," Maya said, "I haven't gotten sick again, but I feel like I might. I'm just gonna try to sleep."
"Ok," Carina said, "I will be back once I get the bambine down."
Maya nodded almost imperceptibly before closing her eyes, Carina pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving to go get the twins down for the night. Luckily, both girls went down with little fight allowing Carina to get back to Maya quickly. However, when she went back into the bedroom, she sighed at seeing the bed empty. She went over to the bathroom door, which was closed, knocking on it gently.
"Come in," Maya said so quietly Carina almost didn't hear it, but she did, going in and finding her wife sitting in a position that had been an almost daily occurrence not that long ago.
Just as Carina walked in, Maya leaned over the toilet, heaving again as the Italian quickly made her way over to rub her back
. "It's ok," Carina murmured gently, "You're ok."
Maya leaned back after a minute, panting. It was then that Carina saw the tears falling down her wife's cheeks.
"Oh Maya, what's wrong?" Carina asked, holding her close.
"It just…I feel like when I was pregnant," Maya sobbed, "And I don't like feeling like this."
"I know," Carina sighed, pressing a kiss to Maya's forehead, "I know. I don't like that you feel like this either. Do you want to try some Zofran and maybe the heating pad and get back in bed? I think you might feel better in bed."
"I'm still nauseous," Maya groaned, leaning back toward the toilet, body tensing as she waited to see if this wave of nausea was going to make her sick again or not.
"I'll be right back," Carina said, getting up and going to grab a cool wet washcloth, hoping it might help, grimacing when she head Maya heaving again as she wrung the cloth out over the sink.
"Bambina," Carina sighed, going back and sitting down next to her on the floor, pressing the cloth to the back of her neck, "Shhhh. I'm right here. Just let it all out."
Maya was crying as she was sick which was only making her feel worse and making it feel impossible to stop heaving.
"Bambina, hey," Carina said, realizing what was going on, "Take a breath for me ok? I know you don't feel good and I know you are overwhelmed, but you have to breathe."
"I hate this," Maya said, somehow managing to stop heaving but still sobbing.
"I know," Carina said, "I know and I hate this for you. But it will be gone soon and you will be feeling better, ok? Just breathe for me. I know it's scary and that you don't feel well, but this is not like when you were pregnant. This is going to go away soon."
"It is making my skin crawl," Maya said, unable to get across exactly how she was feeling other than that she didn't want to be in her own skin anymore.
"What can I do?" Carina asked, "Would a shower help? Or maybe some ice?"
"Shower," Maya said after a minute.
"Ok," Carina said, "I will go start the shower. Do you need anything else?"
"I don't know," Maya said, rubbing her eyes.
"That's ok," Carina said, "Let's start with the shower."
The shower helped some with Maya's nausea, the blonde deciding to try both some Zofran and some Pepto after to see if she could get her stomach to calm back down before Carina helped her into bed.
"Did you go see Lia tonight?" Maya asked as she laid down on Carina's chest, still feeling sick but slightly better.
"I did just for a little bit," Carina said, pulling out her phone, "She was weaned down on her oxygen again today and she did beautifully. Her sats are holding and she was in a very happy mood for me tonight. They are hoping by the end of the week, she will be off high flow. Here."
"Look at her," Maya said, smiling as she looked at the baby who was curled up on Carina, pacifier in her mouth looking content, "Is Andrew with her tonight?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "Are you feeling well enough to call?"
"Let's wait another half an hour," Maya said, "I think it's getting better but I just want to make sure."
"Whatever you need Bambina," Carina said, rubbing her back.
Carina could tell Maya was wound up a little bit, the tension in her body obvious. Carina was kicking herself a little bit for not thinking about the fact that feeling sick like that might be hard for Maya because of course it would be. Maya's pregnancy had been nothing if not traumatic and of course this brought up some of those feelings again. Carina knew that Maya needed to process what she had been through, probably with Diane, but she also knew that they were still not through the trauma of Maya's pregnancy and Lia's birth and that it was probably going to take time for both of them to process all of this.
For now, Carina was just going to be here for her wife as best as she could, glad that she seemed to be feeling better. Carina really hoped that this would be the last hiccup for a little while, that they could get back to whatever their normal was right now, at least until their Trottolina decided to finally break out of the NICU and change everything again.
