Lord Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald sniffed the musty air of his workshop. He looked around at the tables laden with beakers, at the bookshelves containing fraying volumes written in the oldest languages of man, and finally - at the summoning circle drawn on the ground. Yes, his student - what was his name? - had done an acceptable job with that, and though he felt there was room for improvement, he could address those areas ad hoc.

His gaze shifted to one table in particular, and to the red box upon it. He walked over to it, and touched its finely grained wooden exterior. The grooves his hands traced on the box only served to whet his anticipation. He pronounced a spell - aperire, mei capsula - and the golden lock on the box unlatched itself. As the box opened before him, he felt he could sense the magical energy emanating from its contents.

He allowed it to open fully before putting his hand inside, removing the faded, slightly torn cloth. He was struck by the purity of its crimson hue, and then reminded himself that it was so, so much more than just a cloth. For this was an ancient artifact, once worn by the King of Conquerors himself, Alexander son of Philip, of Macedon; and he knew that with this, his victory over - and humiliation of - his enemies in the Fourth Holy Grail War was assured.

Filled with excitement at what would surely come, he placed the cloth on the prepared pedestal, and inspected the summoning circle drawn in mercury on the floor. While there were some imperfections, he felt that those would be insufficient to get in the way of the ritual, due to the sheer power of the artifact, as well as his own prodigious magical abilities. The only way to be assured of perfection in the work would have been to do it himself, but he was far too busy making the arrangements for delivery of the artifact. Let the menial tasks be left to those low persons suited for them, and nothing else. A smile fills his face, as he considers the Servant who will soon be his. He had spent some time researching Alexander, so as to be fully aware of his personality in life, as well as the nature of his Noble Phantasm, so that he would be able to use him most effectively. What he learned was somewhat impressive, but Kayneth knew that by the time this war was over, his own accomplishments will have dwarfed even the greatest empires of history.

"Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill," he said. As he did so, he held his arm out before him, above the circle. His eyes were closed, his voice perfectly controlled as the words came out. "As each is filled, let it be destroyed." The room began to hum with magical energy. "Let silver and steel be the essence. Upon it rests the cornerstone and the Archduke of Contracts. Become the wall that repels the gale." Kayneth felt a breeze whipping his face, smirked, and continued. "The four gates close tightly. Burst forth from the Crown, and follow the winding road to the Kingdom!" A light so bright penetrated his eyes, forcing them open. He saw the circle emitting a radiance like nothing else he had ever seen. Yes, this was his luminescence; the light created by his power and will. "I call to thee! Thy body, formed of my will; thy sword, enforcing my fate! An thou bend to my will, and my justice, heed the grail's call and answer me! I swear before thee; I shall become all that is good in the world, and destroy all that is evil. Seven Heavens, clad in the Three Holy Souls, cast aside your shackles and come forth; O Guardian of the Scales!"

He was blinded by the light, now. Still, the smirk remained.

The light died down, and the dust cloud cleared. As Kayneth struggled to adjust his eyes to the dark room, he could barely make out a human form in the circle, cloaked in red.

"Greetings, Iskandar," he said. "I have summoned you to this era to do battle on my behalf, as my Servant; rejoice, for you have a Master more than worthy of your immense power. Whatever your desires for the Grail may be, consider them granted. Come, let us crush those who would stand against us-"

"I do not know this 'Iskandar' of whom you speak, but I ask you: Are you my Master?" said the female Servant.

Kayneth was taken aback, and as his eyes focused, he could see that the Servant before him was certainly not Iskandar, King of Conquerors; nor, for that matter, any other King. He didn't know who she was, and he was in severe distress at this, but he was too mature to allow it to faze him. It was at least apparent to him that she was of the Caster class, and possessed of decent magical ability; perhaps this would be salvageable after all.

"Yes, I am, girl. I command thee answer me; what is thy name?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You summoned me, using my own relic, yet you do not know my name?"

He knew now that the cloth was not, in fact, Iskandar's ancient cloak; the matter of his deception would have to be pursued later. A cruel fate awaited whoever was responsible, but meanwhile: "Servant, I have commanded you!" he shouted.

She turned her head away from him for a moment; he would have chastised her for this as well, had she not said anything. "I see." She again faced him. "I am Yukiko Amagi, of the Caster class. My Noble Phantasms are Yata no Kagami, Yasakani no Magatama, and Kusanagi no Tsurugi." She paused for a moment, then added, "By any chance, Master, were you perhaps expecting another Serv-"

"Quiet, Servant. I need to think, and I can't have your voice annoying me forever."

Yukiko put her finger on her lip, and tilted her head to the side. As Kayneth was lost in thought, his back turned to her, she began walking toward the altar on which the summoning relic was placed. As she neared it, he must have noticed the sound of her footsteps, and looked up.

"Be still, lowly Servant!" he shouted. "You are not to move nor to speak without my express command. Or shall I use the full extent of my powers to torture you; command you to kill yourself in the cruelest of ways? I have been given these three Command Spells, and even a Caster class Servant cannot disobey them. Dirty little rat. I can assure you; after your unsightly presence is removed from my sight, I will summon a proper Servant in your stead."

Through all this, Yukiko retained a calm expression, facing him. After he finished, she took the cloth from on top of the altar.

Seeing this, the veins on Kayneth's face bulged. "By this Command Spell, Servant, I order you to-"

"Warm. It's so warm..." Kayneth was flabbergasted by her apparent disregard for his usage of the Command Spell. He could only look on in indignation.

Yukiko held the cloth to her face, nuzzling it. Sniffing it. "It's been so long since I've seen this... thank you, Lord Archibald. Thank you for bringing me back, so I could walk this Earth again, and smell the scent of my childhood."

Kayneth was silent.

"This is my old blanket, from when I was a baby, you know," Yukiko said. "Don't tell me," she laughed, "You actually thought that this belonged to Alexander the Great? I mean it's a little old, but..." Yukiko was clutching her sides in laughter, apparently unable to speak.

Kayneth took umbrage at this. It was one thing for a mere Servant to ignore his commands, but to laugh at him? Absolutely unforgivable. He couldn't even dismiss her, in this case; he had to make her pay for her offence with blood. Well, metaphorically speaking; any blood she lost would merely be a drain on his mana, but... oh, wouldn't it be worth it? Just to teach this impetuous girl a lesson in respect for her betters?

Yes. Yes it would.

First, however, he had to take care of the boy who tricked him.

"SILENCE, SERVANT!"

Yukiko was startled, and stopped laughing. "Sorry, that was just too funny..." she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Now, your first mission," Kayneth said. "I want you to use the clairvoyancy of the Caster class to discover where the naked ape who deceived me is now, that I may exact retribution from him for his crime."

"Ah, yes, of course, Master." Yukiko held her hands in front of her, as if in prayer. "Hear me, Amaterasu!"

Slowly, an image began to flicker before her. It showed a boy, around 19 years old, reclining in a bed with a sports jersey hung up on the wall next to him. His head was buried in a book. He looked up for a moment, and it almost seemed as if he had noticed he was being watched; but he simply sneezed and returned to his tome.

"Aha! There the little rat is," Kayneth said. "I cannot wait to see his face contorted in pain..."

Wait. Kayneth recognized him. That was... ah, yes. Waver Velvet. That child- no, not a child. A mere infant. He represented the worst of the newest class of students at the Clock Tower; Kayneth had been lobbying the directorship of the institution for years to only allow students with a certain degree of lineage into the school, but every time his requests were denied. They cited "declining population of the old families" as the reason they needed to expand their student body; ensure that the school's lecture halls and dormitories would continue to be filled.

Screw that. If the student body would have to dwindle in number, then so be it. It would be worth the vastly increased overall quality of the place. Kayneth knew that, but sadly it seemed that everyone else was only concerned about money. Tuition wasn't cheap, and there were many nouveau-riche who were anxious to pay their way in, and establish their own families as magical. This sort of behaviour disgusted Kayneth, who had achieved his position by sheer effort and discipline, never mind his illustrious family background. That was no help to those who would not apply themselves, and the idea that these dirty bastards whose paws were stained with ill-gotten gains were sending their stuck-up brats to be given the greatest magical instruction on Earth grated his soul. It was wasted on them.

The Velvet boy's "thesis" was the culmination of this puerile audacity. While Kayneth certainly valued the hard work he had done to become who he was, it was absolute foolishness to suggest that that could ever be enough to make up for lack of good Magic Circuits. Magic Circuits were like the foundation of a palace; one can build all one liked, investing infinite amounts of time and money into the erection of it, but without a sturdy foundation, even the grandest of palaces would crumble at the first mild storm. Hard work and effort were commendable, but utterly useless without lineage.

"You know," a voice interrupted.

Oh, what is it now... Kayneth made a mental note to spend the next few nights researching exactly how to maximize the pain he could inflict on his Servant without forcing her back to the Throne of Heroes.

"I really don't think you should be doing this," Yukiko said. "It's cruel, and honestly a waste of our time. If we're going to win the Grail, we should focus on the Holy Grail War, not some kid."

"'Cruel,' you say?" Kayneth said. "Well, perhaps that only sweetens the pot for me, Servant. Or is that philosophy too difficult to comprehend, for a mind as troglodytic as yours?"

"Yes, actually. I can't ever see myself respecting a Master who would do something like that, to a non-combatant. It's horrible."

At this, Kayneth smiled. "I see. In that case, I shall have you attend to it personally. At least you will have learned something from the experience, if you are not as utterly stupid as you seem."

Fire raged in Yukiko's eyes. "Why do you care so much about him, anyway?"

"What do you mean, 'why?'" Kayneth said. "It is my obligation as a senior member of the Mages' Association, and as Lord El-Melloi, as well as the 9th Head of the Archibald family of Magi. Impudent children like him must be punished, to atone for their insult against the honor of magic." He chuckled. "Don't mistake me, girl; I do this only out of a sense of duty. If it were only myself he had acted against, I would be generous enough to ignore the damage. Do you swat every fly you see? Of course not; it would simply be a bother. The same applies here."

"...It's not as if anyone's forcing you to do this, right?" Yukiko said. "I mean, you and I are probably the only ones who know about this whole relic-swapping thing in the first place. Your honour will remain intact if you choose to, as you say, ignore him."

"Stupid girl. I would know; and I would never be able to face myself in the mirror again. Surely someone like you would know nothing of it, but we Magi have certain higher ideals that we place above ourselves. We ourselves are answerable to them, and we hold ourselves accountable for any deviation. Hence, the sheer defiance exhibited by that boy against them can only point to a lack of proper breeding, both genetically and in his education. No Magus properly raised could act in such a disgraceful manner. Such a person is best eliminated from our ranks before he corrupts others. Really," Kayneth shook his head, "You are simply too low-born to understand the ways of the upper class..."

"I am not low-born," Yukiko said. "I am the 50th heir to the ancient Amagi clan of Eastern Magi; which, by my calculations, ranks my lineage far above yours. So please cease your ramblings about 'ideals' and 'honour;' I was happy to keep my mouth shut earlier, but it's now apparent to me that you are nothing but a spoilt child, led on by dreams of anything more important than yourself."

Kayneth's eyes bulged.

Yukiko continued. "My family has been guarding the Japanese archipelago from attack since the days of my most ancient ancestor, the Emperor Jinmu. We maintained an inn, for appearances' sake; but our true duty was always to our land and its people.

"And you know what? I was happy about that. I would have been happy to take on the burden from my mother; actually, I was looking forward to it. Or maybe I was just retroactively justifying my resignation to Fate. There was nothing I could do about it, anyway; so might as well enjoy it, right?" Yukiko laughed mirthlessly. "I never thought of myself at all, or what I wanted. I'm not even sure I was really aware of myself as a separate person; was "I" anything more than the daughter of Norikata, who had married into the clan before disappearing, and Kuroko Amagi? The 50th heir to the illustrious clan of Amagi? I don't think I considered myself defined by anything but that.

"But then, one day, that all changed. I made friends at school, and we had adventures together. I then realized that I despised the name 'Amagi;' I had finally learned that it was possible to not be defined by your family. That I could be my own person. It was as if I had been drowning all my life until that point, and then I was brought to the surface to breathe for the first time. It was exhilarating. I wanted to completely cut ties with my family, and the backwater town I had been living in, and pursue the new me. Find myself, and decide who I wanted to be. I relished the thought of telling my parents that I was leaving, and seeing their faces as I just walked out from them and everything they had prepared for my succession. Not as if they ever cared about me as a person, either. They only saw me as an opportunity to expand their magical knowledge, and strengthen the Amagi Magic Circuits. They probably saw themselves the same way, too, now that I think about it.

"I was ready to do all this, when I was stopped. My friends convinced me that I could become a Magus, without sacrificing who I was. That I could do it because I wanted to, not because I was forced or pressured or born into it. And when I heard that, it just made so much sense. Of course I could. I could pursue the path of self-determination, and what better way to do so, than with the power and prestige I would have as head of the Amagi clan?

"So I made the decision: I would succeed my mother as matriarch, because that is what I wanted. What I decided, for myself. I then used my position to ensure the prosperity of my country, delighting in the feeling of strength whenever it occurred to me that this whole country rested on my shoulders; and that I was strong enough to carry it all with ease. There is truly no better feeling..."

"I did not summon you to listen to your life story, Servant!" Kayneth shouted. "I have decided the pain of enduring your existence is not worth any Grail; I shall now dismiss you. By my second Command Seal, I order you to-"

"Oh, shut up," Yukiko said. "I'm getting sick of this act of yours. You may be a shit Magus, but unlike you, I have enough magical ability to know who my Master is. Your background is just like me. Well, except that it's several orders of magnitude smaller. Puny. I don't know why I even bothered, but I was trying to help you see the error of your ways; I thought maybe, maybe he can find happiness like I once did. I know now, though, that you're not worth the effort. So go on. Burn up to ashes, as you continue to sacrifice your life to some phantasmal thing like 'the Honour of Magic.' As far as I'm concerned, our contract is void." Yukiko turned away from Kayneth, and began walking toward the door of his workshop. "By the way," she called out behind her, "don't think you can get rid of me just by expending your Command Seals. My Yata-no-Kagami provides me with more than enough mana to keep me materialized for, oh, another century or so."

This was too much for Kayneth to bear. This girl must be punished, for her flippant denials of everything that was sacred. He checked his pocket.

Excellent, it is here, as always. Not as if he would ever let himself be caught with his pants down. She was about to open the door, but it would be too late.

"Scalp!"

The mercury tendrils shot themselves at Yukiko's departing figure, covering her, swallowing her in a giant blob.

He had used his position to his advantage, catching her by surprise, and finally getting rid of her. He would at last no longer need to endure her insufferable voice, and could now put his mind to more important matters... like locating Waver Velvet. He had already decided what he would do to him; bind his hands and feet with iron chains to a steel bedframe, and let electric current flow through the bed and chains, into Velvet's body. He would not be overly cruel, though. He would make sure to continually heal the boy, so that no matter how much voltage entered his body, no matter how he cried out for sweet death, he would live.

Kayneth smiled at the thought, and began to laugh. Indeed, there was no Magus on Earth who could stand against him; even this girl of a lineage of 50 generations was as nothing before him. He began to consider fighting in the Grail War without a Servant; if this was what his power was like, perhaps not even the greatest of Servants could stand in his way.

slosh

He pricked his ears. Seemed to have been a noise from the Volumen Hydrargyrum. Probably just digesting.

slosh

That thing was really quite noisy, wasn't it? Kayneth had never had it swallow a human before, so he wasn't sure what was typical. He began to pack his things, making his way out of the room by the other exit; as the main one was obstructed by the man-eating mercury, and the Servant's partially digested corpse inside of it. Did Servants have corpses? Or did they simply dissipate upon the return of their spirit to the Throne of Heroes? Now that he thought about it, that was odd...

Lost in such thought, he opened the door, and was about to exit the workshop, when he felt great heat on his back. He smelled burning linen.

His suit was on fire.

He turned around, and saw his Servant. Her body was wreathed in flames, and her mouth burned as she spoke. Above her head was something like a halo, or perhaps a disk, radiating blinding light.

"KAYNETH ARCHIBALD. THOU HAST BEEN DEEMED A THREAT TO THE SACRED LAND OF THE RISING SUN. I SHALL NOW PUNISH THEE, AS THE GODDESS OF THIS PLACE."

Kayneth trembled, for the first time in his life since the childhood beatings he used to receive when he failed his magical practicals. He shuddered inwardly at the memory, but summoned his pride to confront his Servant.

"Silly girl. Quit this charade, or I shall-"

"I DID NOT BID THEE SPEAK. I AM NOT THY SERVANT; I AM THE PROGENITOR OF THE IMPERIAL DYNASTY OF THE CHRYSANTHEMUM THRONE, AMATERASU-NO-OMIKAMI. NOW, ACCEPT THY PUNISHMENT AS A MAN WOULD. IF THOU'RT EVEN WORTHY OF THE NAME 'MAN.'"

Kayneth was about to say something, but his Servant - or the Goddess? He didn't know anymore - floated toward him. Slowly, inexorably, she inched closer and closer. He forgot that there was a door open behind him. He could only retreat backwards in abject terror. He tripped on his suitcase.

As he lay on he ground, defenseless, he held out his right arm in front of his face. He could use it. The forbidden spell of the Archibalds. It would drain his body of almost all is mana, likely killing him, but it would be a better fate than whatever awaited him from that divine fire.

As he was about to activate it, his mind was frozen solid by the imperious, ethereal voice.

"KAYNETH ARCHIBALD, I EXPEL NOW THY VAST DEFILEMENT."

Those were the last words Kayneth heard, accompanied by a flash of light like an atomic bomb, and the fires of a thousand suns. In the nanoseconds that his life still held out, he asked himself one final question, after a life of searching and questioning.

What... was it all for?


Hope you liked it! Feel free to leave feedback; I always enjoy it, and appreciate the opportunity to improve my writing.

End Notes: Because Kayneth simply doesn't get enough love.

If any of you have read my previous works, you'd probably know to expect weirdness... I've been reading Tsukihime recently. Now *that* is weird. Love it, though. Praise the Nasu.

Some notes on the backstory here:

1. Yukiko's family: They are indeed Magi, protecting the country from the shadows against threats both internal and external. This was likely why Izanami co. came to Inaba in the first place; its ley lines flowed with even more mana than those of Fuyuki. They were, however concealed by the Amagis' barrier to all but the most Divine, hence why the architects of the Heaven's Feel ritual had no knowledge of them.

2. The relic-switching: Waver, after intercepting the delivery of Iskandar's relic from Kayneth, was making preparations to summon Iskandar in Inaba; he had heard from a friend of his - a Japanese exchange student - about the Inaba ley lines, and was determined to use them to get a leg up on the other Masters. While there, he bought a small blanket at a shop that resembled Iskandar's relic. He then singed and wrinkled it, to make it seem ancient, packaged it similarly to the relic, and shipped it off to Kayneth, who was blissfully unaware of the deception. The sports jersey hanging in his bedroom was owned by the deceased son of the American family whose home he was 'borrowing.' He used magic to deceive them into thinking that he was their dead son. They're fairly happy with the arrangement, and though pangs of guilt assail his heart, he comforts himself with the notion that if they're happy, and he's happy, that's all that matters. The book is a biography of Alexander the Great, as Waver wants to know as much about his Servant as possible before he summons him.

3. Yukiko's Transformation: Yukiko is a Pseudo-Servant, not unlike Rin Tohsaka, who was possessed by the goddess Ishtar. The essential difference in Yukiko's case, however, is that Amaterasu-no-Omikami, as the Embodiment of the National Will of Japan (a sort of localized subsidiary of Alaya; strictly speaking, She represents the *people* of the land, rather than the land itself; but in most cases, as here, that is an insignificant distinction), only appears when the Japanese Nation itself is, in Her view, threatened. After Yukiko called for her aid for the clairvoyance, She watched Kayneth, and after he attacked his own Servant, She judged him a danger. The reason - insanity, the sheer arrogance to attack his own Servant and think himself capable of winning the Holy Grail War on his own, proved him a more dangerous lunatic than any member of the Berserker class. Hence, Amaterasu took over Yukiko's body. She pushed Yukiko's consciousness aside, and bestowed the Divine Punishment he deserved.

4. Chronology: The Fourth Holy Grail War took place in 1994, while Yukiko Amagi was born December 8, 1994. The apparent discrepancy here can be explained simply: The blanket that Waver purchased, and switched with Iskandar's relic, was the blanket that would have been bought by the Amagi's nursemaid for little Yukiko. Indeed, it *was* bought by the Amagi's nursemaid in an alternate timeline; it functioned as a proper relic, as a temporal aspect of it existed as Yukiko's baby blanket. Hence, the summoning ritual took effect as it would with any other Servant.