Chapter 52.

I take the steps, two at a time, with Bella still wrapped around me. Between her giggles and the kisses we place on every free inch of each other's exposed skin, I'm surprised we make it to my room unscathed.

Once my door clicks behind us, I pant against Bella's neck, finally stumbling onto the bed, with me on top of her and her legs still looped behind my back. She laughs as her hands reach for my face, and she brings my lips to hers.

My hands roam her body, clasping and releasing, in an ongoing battle for what I want—what I desperately need—and what I think would be best for her, for me, for us.

"I know we said we'd take it slow," I say, pulling away from her, trying to sound convincing. "And we still can." The last thing I want is for her to feel pressured to go into this before she's ready. When my eyes find hers, all I see is love and trust. "I'm not expecting anything here. Just wanted some time. Alone. To just…be with you?"

"I know…" She breathes out as I painfully peel myself from her, pushing myself up on my hands and lowering next to her, so that I'm not fully on top of her.

She moves her body with mine, as if they're magnets, staying close. "You don't know how long I've been waiting—dreaming really—to be with you." Her hands reach for my face again, while her eyes inspect mine. And then, she smiles, as she pulls me to her and whispers, "I've had a lady boner all day."

"Swan—" I chuckle against her lips.

"It's the truth."

"I can relate." I breathe out in relief, kissing her as softly as I can manage.

When I pull back, her eyes are on me, wide and trusting and full of love. They warm me up inside; they make me feel things I didn't think I'd be feeling again.

"You don't know what it means to me, to hear you say those things," I say, my voice deep, my feelings strong.

Her eyes switch back and forth between mine, as if hung up on my words, while her fingers trace patterns in my hair and behind my ear. My eyes flutter closed momentarily against my will, even though the last thing I want to do now is sleep.

I grab her hand in mine, fingers closing around her wrist and bringing it to my lips, keeping my eyes open and on hers.

"Edward?" she says in a breath. "I need to ask you something."

A million things run through my head, and the emotion that is clear in her eyes turns my stomach with anticipation.

I push myself up on one elbow, my full attention on her.

She pauses, seeming to contemplate her words before she sits, and when I sit up next to her, her hands are clasped over her thighs, fingers intertwining nervously.

"What is it?" I tuck her hair behind her ear while trying to ease my heart with a breath.

"Did I ever make you feel unwanted?" Her voice is merely a whisper while she avoids looking at me. "While we were together?"

"Bella…" I breathe out through puffed cheeks

"Like…I wasn't into you or…into being intimate?"

"Not really. Not in the moment, I don't think…" I reach for her hand, debating whether to guard my words or shoot for honesty instead.

I decide quickly that if this is going to work, we need to be truthful with each other. Words just spill out of me after that.

"After you left, I did overthink and hyperanalyze every single moment that we were together. Trying to figure out where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently?" I wrap my fingers over hers, securing her hand in mine. "And I guess there were some times when I wondered—especially toward the end—whether something had changed for you, since it had been a while since we had been…intimate."

She turns to look at me, eyes full of tears.

"I didn't realize it at the time, with so much going on," I continue. "But yeah, I did wonder…after the fact."

"You didn't do anything wrong." She reaches a hand to my face, cupping my jaw. "There was nothing you could have done differently. It was all in here." She sniffles, pointing at her head and smiling at me. "Toward the end, yes, I was very much not feeling it—not feeling anything," she starts after a moment. "But it had zero to do with you, and everything to do with me and hating myself and my body."

"Swan—"

"It's okay." She wipes her tears away, shaking her head and smiling at me. "We need to talk about this, though. Because I see you hesitating, doubting, second guessing. And I get it—I do—I wouldn't know how to act around me either."

"We don't have to do anything, Bella," I say, meaning it. "We can do things at our own pace."

"It's not that…" She smiles through tears, inching closer and reaching for my face again. "It's quite the opposite."

She presses her lips to mine, with intent, lingering before she pulls back "I want you to know that I've worked really hard on myself. I focus now on what my body can do, and not on how it looks. But I do love my body now."

"I believe you," I say softly. "I do." I look at our hands, intertwined over my lap, and then up at her. "I still worry, though."

"About what?"

I think about it, trying to choose my words carefully. "Did I ever do or say anything that made you feel bad about yourself, or your body? You know," I explain nervously, "back then."

"No," she answers immediately, moving closer to me. "I promise you."

"Okay." I exhale against her hair.

"All I ever felt with you was safe." She climbs onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Wanted. Loved."

I don't even attempt to hide the moan that escapes from me as she straddles me, her knees pressed on the mattress.

"I love it when you look at me that way," Bella continues, her fingers roaming in my hair. "Like when your eyes wander despite your best efforts." She trails kisses over my jaw, drawing a path down to my neck. "I love it when you touch me. When you let go."

"Fuck, Swan." My hands clasp around her waist, pressing her down to me.

"So, can you, please…." Her fingers reach for the hem of my T-shirt, pulling it off me. Her eyes burn into my soul. "Look at me. Touch me. Tell me how much you want me."

I grab her face in my hands, my eyes locking on hers. "I want you so fucking bad I can't think straight when you're near me."

She smiles, accomplished.

"I love you," I continue. "I love your body and what it can do." My hands trail down to her back, securing her to me as I push back with my hips. "And I fucking love what it does to me."

She rolls her hips in response, her eyes closing.

"Like I'll probably have to start jerking off before practice now, or I'll be hard and uncomfortable all day," I ramble. She laughs. "Like it physically hurts to keep my hands off you. To refrain myself from what I want to do to you."

"What do you want to do to me?" Her eyes open and her breath catches in her throat when my hand circles around her neck, thumb pressing her chin up.

"I told you I would show you, didn't I?" I've always been better with actions than words. She gasps when my hands clasp under her legs, and I fling her body under mine, so her back is on the mattress and I'm pressed up against her.

Then, I show her.

I let my eyes roam all over her while I undress her, like they tried so hard to avoid before.

I let my fingers bring her pleasure, listening to her body and her cues, like they've been dying to do.

I let my tongue tease her, taste her, spell out everything she means to me, until she cries out my name.

I let myself get lost in her, falling deeper than ever before.

When I collapse on top of her, barely able to breathe, she wraps her arms around me, holding me to her, never wanting to let go.

~.~.~

"Cullen?" Her voice is soft, her head still on my chest.

"Hmmm?" I manage to mumble out. I don't know what time it is, but we've been here for a while, making up for lost time. I fight to open my eyes. Hers are still closed.

"I'll never leave you again," she says, hugging herself to me. "As long as you want me, I'll be here, loving you."

"I'll never stop wanting you—loving you—Swan," I promise with my lips on her forehead.

She exhales in contentment as I secure an arm around her, and I let my mind drift, finally at peace, finally whole.

Images flash through my eyes as I imagine our future together.

The semester, the championship.

Fuck, the partner stunt competition.

I'll ask her when she wakes up. It's my last year at the college level, and there's no one else I'd rather do it with.

She'll say yes. I'm sure of it.

I wonder what else she'd say yes to.

My eyes close, and I allow myself to dream.

I can see it.

Winning. Everything. Together.

While my mom watches in the crowd. With Charlie there as well.

We'd visit them too at some point. The holidays, probably. Bella will win my mom over again, and I'll get to know her father—her real one.

I'd take Bella to Paris in the summer. Take her anywhere she wants. Like we were supposed to two years ago.

She has another year of school. I could take on a masters program to give us more time together. There's an accelerated masters in special education I have been considering. It would allow me to cheer with the team another year and continue to grow the Dream Big Camp.

I could coach afterward. Run my own program. One day, open my own gym. I could do that from anywhere. Anywhere Bella'd want to be. We could do that together.

For now, I enjoy the moment: the feeling of her, soft and warm, pressed against my chest. It was naive of me to think that I'd be able to keep myself from falling for her again, because in reality, my feelings for her never waned, never changed. And when tomorrow comes, I'll keep falling for her all over again.


AN: A year and almost two months from posting for the first time, these two are in a place I am happy to leave them in. I'll miss this Colorado boy and his sweet, sweet heart. And I'll miss this Bella who pushed through and did the best she could.

Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, or supported this story in any way shape or form. You make this process fun!

Thank you to Kristen and Pali, who always humor me no matter what my next obsession is, and who make me listen to T Swift despite my best efforts! I love you both!

Thank you also to Lizzie, who puts my words into images and who's ready to lynch anyone who wrongs this Colorado boy lol I love you something fierce!

And last but not least, thank you to MEL who is the best beta, pre-reader, plotter, re-reader, accountant, timeline-keeper, medical advisor, re-re-reader, emergency contact, you-name-it that anyone could have asked for! I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I LOVE BABE!

With that, Ronnie out! I have something I am working on but it's still pretty raw and no idea when/if it will see the light. Until then!

Mwah