13816 - Moskva, we get you scared of spiders, but can you NOT fire off an AShM or SAM at every one you see? The costs in damages are mounting.
It had been three days since his breakdown and subsequent kidnapping back to base. And Admiral Briggs was feeling much more relax. The day was almost over too and there had been no reports of indecent conduct. No incidents with human personnel. No explosions…
BOOM!
Briggs yelped and stood up from his chair, ignoring the stains from his perfectly good coffee now on his trousers. Looking out his window, he could see a column of smoke rising in the distance. Explosions on base meant one thing.
"PHOEEEEENNNIIIIIIIXXXXXX!"
Half an hour later, the blaze was under control and Briggs stared down the science!girl who for her part looked totally unconcerned. "Admiral, for once it wasn't me."
"Right…" Briggs shook his head disbelieving.
Phoenix sighed. "Seriously Admiral. I didn't do anything. And the explosion was no where near my lab." She said.
Briggs had to admit she had a point there. He laced his fingers together and leaned forward across his desk just enough to make her squirm. "Then tell me. If you didn't cause this mess then who did?"
Just then there was a knock and the door opened. In came New Jersey who was dragging Johnson by her collar. The battleship looked beyond furious. Trailing behind her and looking very ashamed was Moskva. Phoenix very quickly decided her talents could be useful elsewhere and left.
Briggs groaned as he put the pieces together. "What happened?" He demanded.
"This little shit," Jersey shook Johnson who whimpered but said nothing. "Thought it would be funny to take one of Balao's animal sample jars and unleash them on the base."
Briggs' palm meet face. "Oh please don't tell me they were…"
"Spiders? Yeah. And not just any spiders but fucking tarantulas!" Jersey fumed.
Briggs moaned into his hands and removed them to look at Moskva. The cruiser had her head down and was studying the floor. "Moskva, you do know that not every spider is a drone right?" He asked.
"But it was crawling up my leg and…" she whined.
"And not every drone is evil." He continued.
She said nothing, just went back to hiding behind Jersey, pulling out a lollipop that someone, presumably Vestal who was still on scene tending to the wounded, gave her and proceeded to suck on it.
"God that's adorable." Briggs thought.
Now Wright entered, a clipboard in hand. She gave Moskva an annoyed look before giving her report. "Fortunately no one was killed. And I do mean we were seriously fortunate. That said both South Dakota and Indianapolis will need work."
"How much and how long?" Briggs asked with a resigned sigh.
"They'll need a good 2 weeks in the docks since the instant repair buckets went up on that melee." Wright replied, noting Moskva's wince.
"I'm sorry." The cruiser said.
"I know you are but it doesn't change the fact that we now have no repair buckets." Wright replied.
"Do I even want to know the costs?" Briggs asked.
Wright told him.
Reactions were varied. Jersey's scowl deepened. Johnson tried even more to bury herself in the carpet. Briggs faceplanted his desk.
And Moskva, well Moskva's legs gave out from under her and she collapsed on the floor. Both Jersey and Wright immediately assisted her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" The cruiser wailed.
"It's not the worst we've had. You should've seen how bad it was when Phoenix first tested her floof stuff." Wright said.
Jersey shook her head. "I thought for sure Uncle Sam was going to have a heart attack signing the check." She said.
"But-but that's… (REDACTED) is so much more than…" Moskva sobbed.
Of course the Russian cruiser would see (REDACTED) as a major loss. Her country wasn't exactly swimming in cash.
"Relax kiddo we've got more than enough money to spare." Wright said. "I mean the annual shipgirl budget for food alone is (REDACTED)."
Moskva's eyes widened to where they were nearly bulging out of her head. "Wha-but-how-where…." The cruiser froze.
Wright waved her hand across Moskva's face getting no response. "Ah shucks. I think I broke her." She said.
With a sigh, the Admiral turned to Jersey. "Leave Johnson here. You take Moskva and give her to Wisconsin and Midway so she can start therapy. This cannot continue." He said.
"Yes sir." The battleship replied.
