14114. YouTube can be a dangerous world to navigate. Mombotes are requested to keep a close eye on their charges' YouTube channels (if they have one), especially after the latest 'incident'.
Rule by ijnfleetadmiral
Shipgirls having YouTube channels was not a new thing; probably about eighty percent of the shipgirls did by now. Even some of the other summoned entities had gotten into video blogging. Yellowstone had an earth science channel (along with one video of her singing "I've Got the Whole World in My Hands" that was dedicated to Admiral Briggs, which resulted in yet another 'vacation' for said Admiral and a nice long lecture from Wright). Sparky had both a cooking channel called 'It's Fry-Day!' and a podcast called 'The Hot Seat' (though the first episode of said podcast, titled 'Top 10 People Whose Moms Should've Swallowed' had since been removed after Admiral Briggs had a meltdown (and several other people mentioned in the video whined about lawsuits)).
Battleship North Carolina was thankful she really didn't have to worry about that. Her 'daughter' USS Charlotte was the shipgirl version of the U.S. Navy's 1938 Heavy Cruiser Design. She'd been given the designation CA-141 (which was the first cruiser number that did not have a name assigned to it) and her rigging had twelve eight-inch guns in four triple turrets. She was also positively adorable, but there was a catch to her cuteness: she looked like an eighteen-year-old version of her Aunt Iowa, had a Southern accent like Ellie Mae Clampett, was as innocent and derpy as her big cousin 'Laska, and was as big an anime fan as her Aunt Wisky.
All that made for an essentially lethal combination on a base with over 80,000 naval personnel, many of them single and unattached.
North Carolina sighed as she thought about the chaos Charlotte could cause just by walking down the street.
**Flashback**
North Carolina looked up as the door to their quarters opened and Charlotte walked in wearing a crop-top and denim cutoffs.
"How was the beach, Charlie?" she used the cruiser's nickname.
Said cruiser flopped down on the couch with a huff and a confused expression (which on her looked positively adorable; North Carolina was certain Nagato would've blue-screened if she saw it).
"Mama, I gotta say, there sure are a lotta clumsy people on this here base."
The battleship blinked. Whatever she'd been expecting her 'daughter' to say, that had definitely not been it.
"How so?" she asked, almost afraid of the response to come.
"Well," Charlotte began, "I was passin' the construction site…y'know where they're puttin' in them new officer quarters?"
North Carolina nodded.
"Well, as I was walkin' by, there were accidents left an' right! People droppin' stuff and fallin' off scaffolds…one guy who was paintin' dumped a can of paint right onto the head of a Chief Petty Officer!"
The battleship cringed; she could well imagine the reaction that had probably gotten.
"Lordy, did that Chief have a set o' lungs on him! Not only that, but he was also sayin' all o' them words that you told me I shouldn't use, and even inventin' new ones! And he wasn't just sayin' 'em, Mama…he was hollerin' 'em! But I guess he had to speak up because there must be a lot of people workin' there who don't pay attention."
That gave North Carolina pause. "How do you know a lot of the workers don't pay attention?"
"Well, when I was walkin' by there was a lot of whistlin', whoopin', and hollerin' goin' on. I didn't wanna keep them from their jobs so I just kept goin'."
North Carolina's thoughts turned dark. She could pretty much guess why the construction personnel were whistling and acting like idiots.
"There were also a lot of fashion-minded people workin' there, too."
"Fashion-minded people?" For the life of her, North Carolina couldn't think of what that might mean.
"Yep! A lot of those guys were yellin' about how much they liked my outfit." Charlotte smiled, then pouted. "Then Miss Wright came along and made me put this top and my shorts back on over my bathin' suit."
North Carolina mentally thanked the Secretary Ship as she resisted the urge to facepalm. Her innocent adorable daughter had strolled past a construction site full of horny sailors while wearing nothing but a bathing suit. She was stunned there weren't riots.
"Exactly what bathing suit are you wearin', Charlie?"
"That one Aunt Kirishima, Aunt Wash, and Aunt Gayle sent me from San Diego."
North Carolina sighed mentally. Said swimsuit was a bikini in MS-32 camouflage pattern with the number '141' emblazoned across the 'stern' area of the garment. It was rather skimpy, but Charlie absolutely loved it, so she'd begrudgingly allowed her to wear it.
"I thought about wearin' that one Miss Musashi sent me from Japan, but I just cain't get it to look right on me."
That swimsuit, North Carolina knew for certain, would never be worn by her daughter out in public. It was candy-apple red and amounted to three miniscule triangles of material held together by dental floss. Why the Japanese super-battleship had sent Charlie such a thing was beyond her, but there would be words had the next time North Carolina met said Japanese shipgirl face-to-face.
She sighed. "I think I need to explain some things to you, hun…this might take a while."
"'Kay, Mama!" the cruiser chirped happily, and North Carolina fought the urge to squee.
Sometimes Charlie was just too cute for words.
**End Flashback**
"WHEE!"
North Carolina was brought out of her thoughts by the sound from her daughter's bedroom.
What's she up to now?
The battleship had started for the hall that led to Charlotte's bedroom but was interrupted when the front door opened and their roommate, battleship Massachusetts, walked in carrying several grocery bags and the mail.
"I'm home!" the battleship smiled, setting her grocery bags down in the kitchen. "And what the mess hall didn't have, Costco did! Get ready for homemade clam chowder and lobster rolls for dinner, and Boston cream pie and chocolate chip cookies for dessert!"
North Carolina's stomach growled at the mere thought of such a feast. Massachusetts was an incredible cook, and there were rumors of a petition going around to make her the Mess Officer on a permanent basis.
Massachusetts picked up a medium-sized parcel from the stack of mail. "Looks like Charlotte got some mail."
"Oh?" North Carolina's interest was piqued.
"Yeah, it's from…YouTube? What the…?" Massachusetts trailed off as the two battleships looked at each other in confusion.
*THUD* "Ow! Sorry, y'all…that'll be a do-over!" More noises from Charlotte's room caused the two battleships to head that way.
"What's going on in there?" Massachusetts asked.
"I don't know. I was headed that way when you came in," North Carolina replied. "Now we can get answers to that, plus see if she knows why YouTube sent her a package."
North Carolina nodded as she knocked on Charlotte's door. Through the door, they heard Toxic by Britney Spears playing. North Carolina cringed; it wasn't her choice of music, but it was better than some trashy rap song or the rusty-nail-through-the-goodies music of that Bieber weirdo.
"Charlie? Y'all right?" she called through the door.
"'m fine, Mama! C'mon in!" the cruiser called out.
North Carolina opened the door and froze. Her innocent, happy-go-lucky daughter was swinging around on a stripper pole while wearing a sports bra and yoga pants.
"Oh, my…" Massachusetts trailed off, a hand over her mouth as she looked uncertainly at her fellow battleship.
"Hi, Mama!" Charlotte chirped. "I'm testin' out this here new workout that was recommended to me!"
"And just who recommended this workout to you?" North Carolina gave her daughter a falsely bright smile while mentally plotting ways of ending said person that would make Jack the Ripper look like an amateur.
"Miss Iku over in Japan! She said her and Miss Noriko have been doing it goin' on 'bout a year now and they always get real excited 'bout it!"
"Oh, I'll bet they do…" North Carolina struggled not to follow her first instinct, which was to borrow a couple k-guns and then volunteer to escort the next convoy to Japan in order to have a 'conversation' with a certain submarine.
Damn lewdmarine…she tagged me off Guadalcanal all those years ago when she got Wasp, and now she's still making trouble.
Massachusetts speaking up brought the battleship out of her thoughts.
"Charlie, you got a package in the mail from YouTube…any idea what it might be?"
Charlotte looked confused. "I don't have nary one idea, Aunt Mamie…lemme see what it is."
She took the package from Massachusetts and opened it, gasping in pleased surprise when she pulled out what was in the package.
"What is that?" North Carolina asked.
"It's a Silver Creator Award, Mama! Look, see? It says right here why I got it!" Charlotte pointed to the award and the two battleships read the inscription.
Presented to Showboat_Jr for passing 100,000 subscribers.
"Would you look at that!" Charlie beamed. "I got me an award for how many people watch my YouTube channel!" She hugged the plaque to her chest happily. "Though I didn't know I was nearin' such a milestone…wonder what happened?" She went over to her computer and pulled up the website and then her personal channel.
Which now showed 345,769 subscribers.
"What in the world?" Charlie looked adorably stumped. "Must be a lotta bots on here lately." She scrolled down so the screen showed her videos, many of which were of her playing or reviewing games or talking about anime. But one video…
North Carolina froze when she read the title.
New Workout Coming!
"Charlie, what's that video there?" she asked, and the cruiser looked at it, then did a doubletake.
"Lordy, Mama! That's the video that got me all the subscribers! Look, see there? 500K views!" She resumed the 'adorably confused' look. "And all that there video shows is me settin' up the pole and talkin' 'bout the new workout...dunno why people viewed it so much. I mean, I know I'm popular n'all, but still…"
North Carolina had a good idea as to why the video was so popular, but chose to remain silent.
"There must be a lot of fashion-minded people viewin' my channel, too!" Charlie stated. "They're suggestin' outfits I could wear while doin' my workout! Although," she looked uncertain, "I don't rightly know how a cheerleadin' outfit or a schoolgirl get-up would serve as workout clothes…they seem like they'd be a mite cumbersome to me." She shrugged. "But to each his own, I guess."
On her bridge, North Carolina's Captain was receiving reports from a frantic Chief Engineer of various boilers rapidly approaching the redline. Thankfully, Massachusetts was wise enough to fix the impending parenting crisis.
"Charlie dear, why don't you leave your videos for later? I got some fresh seafood at the store and could use help in making dinner." She informed the cruiser of the planned meal.
"Sure thing, Aunt Mamie!"
"Good girl," the battleship smiled. "You get changed and meet your mother and I in the kitchen."
"'Kay!"
Massachusetts pulled North Carolina out of the room. "I know you want to use that submarine for target practice right now," she stated as they walked down the hall, "but before you decide to head to Japan, let's have our dinner."
North Carolina had been all set to protest, but she realized Mamie had a point.
"I don't think that submarine meant the idea for that workout to be taken in that way," Massachusetts continued. "She might be a notorious pervert, but she's not stupid. Nor is she the type to go looking for other women. Isn't she engaged to a JMSDF officer?"
North Carolina nodded as she got out the various cutting boards and utensils Mamie would need to make their meal.
"See?" Massachusetts continued. "And besides, why wait all that travel time to confront Iku…" she pointed at North Carolina's laptop, "when there's the wonder that is Skype right in our living room?"
A feral grin came over North Carolina's face. Why waste travel time, indeed? I can settle for yelling over Skype.
Not to mention, fresh-out-of-the-oven homemade chocolate chip cookies won over beating the snot out of perverted submarines any day.
