Remember English is not my native language, I hope the translation is correct, I check it, but sometimes I miss some incorrect, sorry.
I repeat, I am not the owner of the characters, I only rely on them for the sheer pleasure of practice writing stories without any economic interest, and these two characters inspire me.
Chapter 7: Moving On - The Call -
Rachel and Chandler returned to NY completely dejected, they had traveled to Montreal full of hope, but nothing turned out as they thought. Monica, their Monica, wasn't there.
Ross went to look for them at the airport and immediately, by there faces, he realized that the trip had been a disappointment.
The whole family was waiting for them at Ross's house.
Jack and Erika, when they saw their dad they ran out to hug him, Chandler bent down and hugged them tightly, they were the only thing he had left of a life that had been so happy, so complete. He wondered "what he would do now, how to continue…"
Rachel, who was somewhat more composed, told them step by step all the interviews and Hope's final decision.
"Did she want to return the photo album?" Judy asked through tears.
"Yeah, I don't think she even looked at it... but Chandler told her to put it away, that maybe one day she'd be interested in seeing it," Rachel explained.
"The only thing he allowed me to do was give her one last hug…. to have her in my arms again, even if it was for thirty seconds… that's all…. In a few days it will be our anniversary and I couldn't even tell her" … Chandler said as tears fell down his face.
In reality, they were all crying.
"Do you think that if we go, we are her parents" Judy said
"Judy, I don't think it's good for you or Jack to see her cold gaze, empty of all memory, her daughter isn't there, and she doesn't seem to have the will to remember," Rachel told them softly.
"and we're going to leave it at that..." said Ross
"Ross, what do you want us to do, that we bring her by force... she doesn't want to be with us, she's going to leave and we probably won't hear from her anymore…. So at least I can call Dr. Mercier to see how she's doing, hear from her," Chandler said with her voice cracking and annoyed.
NO! Phoebe said out loud, stood up and began to pace back and forth,
"this is over …. we have to accept that Monica is no longer here, the person who lives in Montreal looks like her image, but Monica, she is no longer there, and we have to accept it…" and she continue
"We spend the whole year in uncertainty, looking for her, I know it's not her fault that she has no memory of us, but obviously she doesn't make an attempt to recover, even if it's something, from her past. This new woman is happy where she is, perfect, she doesn't want to know anything about us, perfect, she now knows that she has children and she doesn't even want to know them…. not even for photos…"
"I'm sorry, but this has to end..."
"Chandler, if you need to, lock yourself in your room and cry all you want for a week…. but then it's over, … you already suffered too much, your life has to move on, for your children and for you…"
"You're skinny, emaciated, you're a shadow of our Chandler... we've already lost Monica, and I'm not resigned to losing you too... you have to move on for your children and for all of us..." "And so do we... We have to get our life back…. "
Everyone was silent, as tears fell down everyone's faces. Phoebe was right, there was nothing to look for anymore and what they had found was no longer Monica.
May 15 was a difficult day for Chandler, he still couldn't get used to the idea that he had lost her forever, but he had to continue, as the counselor had told him, he had to grieve and continue with his life.
The weeks went by, and everyone began to adapt to the new reality, they met again for barbecues on Saturdays, which allowed them support and distraction.
Chandler took care of the children, and little by little his smile and some of his humor began to appear, his physical appearance improved, he regained weight, his face relaxed…. With the counselor's help, his life began to get back on track.
He still loved Monica with all his heart, he missed her, and he tried hard not to call Dr. Mercier, but it was better that way, so as to confirm that Hope wasn't interested in her past.
At the beginning of July, he went with the children for a couple of weeks to Judy and Jack's beach house, Ross and Rachel also went, and they had a quiet time enjoying the joy of children.
Upon returning to work they introduced him to a new member of one of the creative teams, her name was Jennifer, she was a beautiful woman, redhead, black eyes, quite tall, who immediately smiled at Chandler and sought to talk with him. She was nice, cheerful, was divorced and had two boys, ages 9 and 7.
They began to have lunch with a couple of other colleagues, but it was clear that she was attracted to Chandler.
He hadn't stopped being shy with women, but since the relationship was eminently work related, he relaxed.
A couple of weeks later, during a coffee break in the break room, Chandler walked in and was met by Jennifer. She smiled at him and asked directly.
"…a couple of attendees told me about what happened with your wife…sorry…. are you still married... since you wear the ring"?
Chandler was surprised by the direct way in which Jennifer spoke to him, even annoyed he replied:
"Look, that's a very personal issue…. but yes, I'm still married... and despite everything I still love my wife…"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be nosy... I just thought you would be over it…" Jennifer told him softly.
"Okay, no problem…" Chandler replied.
"Look, would you like to talk…. sometimes it helps... we can go for a drink…" Jennifer insisted
"Jennifer, I can't get you excited or promise you things that I can't give you..."
"Chandler, I'm not pretending anything, I like you, I'm just offering you my friendship..."
"Well, if you accept those limits, there's no problem in maintaining a friendship..." Chandler answered and with some doubt he proposed.
"If you're not busy tomorrow, Friday after work, we can go for a drink... I'll still confirm in the morning because I have to make arrangements with the babysitter."
"It seems perfect to me, we'll confirm tomorrow and if you can we'll meet after work" Jennifer got up and left the break room.
Chandler wasn't sure he wanted that meeting, but all of his friends and his counselor insisted that he had to move on, Jennifer was pretty and funny…. But she wasn't Monica… he would see.
On Friday Jennifer and Chandler went out for a drink, they talked about everything a bit, Jennifer talked more, she told him about her divorce, about the children... but he kept his reservations about his recent past.
When the friends gathered for a typical barbecue on Saturday, as they do every Saturday, Chandler recounted Jennifer's approach and outing the previous afternoon.
Ross blushed and gave him the typical Geller look, but before he could speak Phoebe jumped with joy. "Okay Chandler, I'm glad you're trying to move on, we're all rooting for you…"
"Don't go so fast Phoebe, it was just a coffee with colleagues... I don't know if there will be something else..." he reply
"Honey, you have to be positive and give yourself a chance…" Rachel said, before Ross's serious look.
"Look Ross, what do you want from your friend, that he stays his life waiting for what will never come…. please you don't even have a little sister to protect anymore…. Support your friend who almost gave his life for her…" Phoebe spoke firmly.
Ross lowered his head, then looked at Chandler "sorry dude, Phoebe's right, it's time you came back to life…. It's just that sometimes I don't give up…"
"Okay Ross, I understand you, don't think I've given up, but I'm making an effort..." Chandler said hugging his best friend.
Going back in time to Montreal, after the meeting Hope had been confused, she didn't know that man at all…. However, her hug and her scent had calmed her down, as if she had been in those arms all her life.
She didn't tell the doctor anything, and she tried to get it off her, but her mind always returned to the feeling she had during the hug and inside his eyes. -
One morning, a few days later, she saw in the almanac that it was in the kitchen, that day was May 15. She froze, that date was on the ring she had on her ring finger…. It must be her wedding anniversary with that man whose embrace had disturbed her so much. She wondered what the man was doing that day.
A couple of weeks later, when she woke up, she knew that she had dreamed, she did not remember anything about the dream, only that she had woken up agitated, sweating, she was sure that it was not a nightmare, it was not like the ones she had when she came out of the coma, and that lasted for several weeks, making her wake up screaming and scared. This dream when she woke up had given her a pleasant kind sensation, it quickened her pulse, but it did not scare her, that first time she felt wet and she thought that she would have urinated while sleeping, but no, it was another kind of humidity... which it repeated to herself when she had those dreams.
The dreams were frequent and although she tried hard, she couldn't remember them in the same way that she couldn't get out of her mind the memory of the eyes and look of that unknown man or the hug he gave her when he left.
She let a few weeks go by and one night she took courage and she decided to look at the album that she had kept at the bottom of the last drawer of the dresser, just as the man who claimed to be her husband, Chandler, had told her.
In the photos she could see her image as a little girl, a photo that said mom and dad, later a photo with a series of young people, at the bottom it said the gang in 1994, there were more photos of that group, almost one a year. In all of them, Chandler was next to her when she was Monica.
Later there were several photos of her with Chandler, one said "first anniversary as a couple, trip to Las Vegas" ... Other photos followed together or with the rest of the young people. There were a couple of photos of the wedding, and then several with two small children, very beautiful. In all of them it was noticeable that the eyes of both shone ... wow..., she thought..., in that life I was happy... It seems that I was happier than now.
She began to have doubts about whether she had made the right decision not to try to meet them, she had been afraid of losing her home and the peace she had with Janet and Francis, but in the photos it seemed that there, in NY, she also had a home and apparently she had happiness... and peace in that man's embrace.
She went through the album over and over again for some days, until she decided to bring all these feelings and doubts to Dr. Mercier. -
"Hope, all this time you were feeling those things, why didn't you tell me..." the doctor asked.
"I felt so confused, I was scared, but between those weird and unknown dreams, the feeling I had during the hug, I started to get curious…. more and more curious... And look at the photos…and…" Hope trailed off
"AND…?" asked the doctor
"I began to envy that woman that I was, it seems that she had so many beings by her side, parents, friends, husband, children, who obviously loved her…. and I realized that by refusing to go with them I had lost the opportunity to feel something of what she felt, of what she had and received" Hope murmured.
"I don't know, I think that, although I don't remember them, I don't know who they are, at the same time I could feel in the embrace of that unknown man a peace, a warmth, a calm that were not strange to me... and the smiles in the photos they made me feel happy too."
"Hope, you're always on time to go, I'm sure they'll be happy to see you and have you at home…" the doctor said with a smile.
"But I don't want them to believe that it's forever, I don't know if once there I want to come back here…. perhaps I would prefer to live with Janet and Francis at home." said Hope.
"Look Hope, you have to give yourself the opportunity to meet them, we can call Chandler to tell him to come over and you want to talk to him, you explain to him that, now you thought about it calmer and you want to go meet them, but you'll clarify that it's a visit, and that you can come back whenever you want"
"Okay doctor, let me think a bit…"
A couple of weeks passed, it was already mid-August when Hope called Dr. Mercier.
"Hello doctor I was thinking about it and, if it is under the conditions we discussed and he respects them, call him"
It was Friday, and as always in NY in mid-August it was very hot, Chandler had just arrived from work, he entertained himself playing for a while with the children, and then he told them that they will stay with July, since that night he was going out. Just with Jennifer they had planned an outing to the movies and dinner. So far nothing had happened except friendly outings, no romance, but Chandler was thinking of moving on, why no, he hadn't been with a woman in over a year, and obviously he was free now, he even though ¿could it be today? …? At that moment his mobile phone rang.
He didn't recognize the number, but the voice on the other end recognized it clearly.
"Good afternoon Mr. Chandler, this is Dr. Mercier, how are you…"
Chandler was paralyzed for a few seconds until he answered "Hello doctor. How are you, what a surprise, is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, on the contrary, Hope is willing to go to NY to meet all of you, she wants to talk to you, explain some things to her, could you come look for her...?"
Chandler's heart began to race; his legs gave way. When does she want me to go?
"If you can come tomorrow Saturday, on Sunday Hope would be ready to travel, she doesn't have too much luggage" said the doctor
"Yes, of course, right now I get my ticket and the tickets of both for the return…. Doctor, I'm very happy that she changed her mind…" Chandler said enthusiastically.
"Chandler, wait, go slowly, give her space to get to know you without pressure, for now it's a visit, explain to the others that they should be patient..."
"Yes, doctor, don't worry, I'll take care of it..."
As soon as Chandler hung up, he called the airline to make reservations, he got a flight for 10 am the next day, and two tickets for Sunday at 1 pm, he wanted to get to NY early.
His head was in a whirl, he had to prepare Jack and Erika, but first he called Rachel with the news and asked her to stay with the children until he returned, he also told her that he wanted to tell Judy, so he did, and he realized that Judy had started to cry. Rachel told Ross that he tearfully hugged her, and then called Phoebe.
Chandler asked everyone to come to his house, it was important that they understand how to behave around Hope.
When he was waiting for the family, his phone rang, and when he looked at the mobile screen he saw that it was a call from Jennifer, he looked at his watch, they should have met 30 minutes ago, but he had totally forgotten.
He answered embarrassed.
"Hi Chandler, are you okay? something happened to you? I'm waiting for you at the door of the cinema, the movie has already started, but it doesn't matter, if you're late we can go directly to dinner..." Jennifer spoke like a waterfall...
"Jennifer, sorry, ... I totally forgot... I had news from Monica, I'm waiting for my family to talk... and tomorrow I'm traveling to Montreal to look for her..."
"Wow…. I understand …. Don't worry …. I hope everything goes well…. see you on Monday …"
"yes of course, …. see you …"
As Jennifer cut it off, she felt that what it had never managed to start was ending.
When the family arrived, Chandler told them about the little conversation with Dr. Mercier, and her clarification for them to go slowly, without pressure, that for now it was just a visit.
"Chandler, you're the first to be clear that 'it's just a visit'" "don't get your hopes up..." Phoebe said.
"I know Phoebe, my mind is clear…. but my soul, my heart is galloping, I can't help it"
Phoebe made a worried face…
Chandler wanted to be well the next day, and he took a sedative to sleep, on Saturday he got up early, he packed a small bag just for two days, he put on the shirt and jacket that everyone told him was perfect for him, he wanted to give a good impression…. He laughed to himself in the mirror since he was acting like a teenager.
On the plane he was nervous, his hands were sweating, the flight seemed eternal.
When he first arrived, he registered at the hotel, he called Dr. Mercier to let her know that he was already in Montreal, the doctor told him that they expected him at 4 pm.
At the foster home, Dr. Mercier was waiting for him with Hope in the garden.
Chandler greeted them with a soft smile, and he sat down in one of the easy chairs.
Hope looked into his eyes, always looking for something in the bottom of his soul, and she smiled back. It was the first spontaneous and genuine smile she had given him.
Chandler was nervous, and after the usual greetings and a brief conversation about the weather, he decided to get down to business.
"Hope, Dr. Mercier told me that you wanted to talk to me and that you were looking at the possibility of going to NY"
"Yes, these months I was thinking about it, I looked at the photo album, and I became curious to meet all the people who knew Monica and understand what her life was like. So I decided that I could come visit for a while. But I want to clarify that I don't know how long I'm going to stay, it will depend on how I feels about, and when I wants to come back you have to promise to bring me without any complaints. I am just visiting, not to stay and live there, my home is here"
Chandler's heart clenched, he came with expectations, but according to Hope's words he was facing a new disappointment, she would return home only out of curiosity and to visit, her home is in Montreal.
Chandler rubbed his hands together as he looked at them, then lifted his head and looked into Hope's eyes and calmly said,
"Hope, I accept the reason that moves you to travel to NY, I accept it, as well as your conditions, even if they let me down, I know that the rest of the family will accept it, since they want to see you and that you know them, even if it is from you just out of curiosity and only during a visit" Chandler said the latter with a sarcastic tone…. and continued
"But there are two problems here" …
"On the one hand there are two children that I have to protect…. our …. ooh! no, sorry …. my children...," Chandler emphasized this last sentence and continuous "they are already 4 years old, and although due to their young age they probably do not remember much the caresses, the kisses, the pampering by their mother..., but at home...in their rooms... there are lots of photos of her mom. I especially worry that they will never forget her…. for which I am sure that they will recognize you as their mother, even if it has been more than a year without seeing you physically" …. he kept saying,
"You work here with children, so I assume you know how fragile they are…"
"I accept your conditions, but I have one that is essential, if you come home for the children you will not be able to be Hope, you will be their mother, you will have to accept that they treat you like this... and even if you do not remember them or feel absolutely nothing for them" …
He emphasizes these last words firmly, ….
"it will be necessary that you give them the same love, the same affection, the same attention that they received from their mother"
"When you finish your visit and you return to your home in Montreal, I will take care of giving them some explanation that they can understand, but while you are at home you have to promise me that you will behave with the children as their mother would..."
"The other problem is..."your parents"...because, even if you don't remember them or they don't matter to you at all"
And he returned to his hard and firm tone when he said the last thing:
"you have to understand that for them you are still their daughter... and even if they have in front of them just an image of their daughter... it will be very difficult for them to process the difference. Jack had serious heart problems when his daughter disappeared, and Judy, although the woman who carried you in her womb, was still stronger, she gave birth to you, she love you and she cradle you." and he kept telling her.
"In this case, I do not want you to feign love or affection towards them, but if I ask you to have some empathy with these two people, try to give them a look with some warmth, without that coldness and indifference with which you look at the rest of us. I hope you can do just that for them too."
Hope lowered her head, she did not expect conditions from this man…. She did not expect him to speak to her coldly and harshly, she believed that he would be willing to do anything for her to come back, however, she realized that for him before her were his children…, wow …. he was a very good father, he was right, the children couldn't suffer because of her amnesia, her confusion and her insecurities, and neither could their parents, after all, the fact that she didn't remember them didn't mean that she didn't know that those people had given her the chance life.
Hope, raised her head and looked into his eyes intensely, "I agree, children can't go in and out of her mother's life thinking she doesn't care or love them. I will be fine with being called mom, and as long as I give them all the love, presence and attention that a good mother would give them, I promise to that, don't worry about them, and I also promise to be kinder and more warm with…. my parents"
"Perfect, everything is cleared up, the flight is tomorrow at 1 pm, so I'll pick you up at 10:30, I don't think there will be much delay in traffic on Sunday"
Chandler got up quickly, Hope was surprised, she thought he would stay a while to talk a bit, "
"You're leaving now …? Don't you want to drink something...? ask him Hope"
"No thanks, I'm a little tired, since last night I've had a lot of stress, I'm going to order something from room service and I'll try to sleep, see you tomorrow, rest" he greeted Dr. Mercier and left.
Chandler left annoyed, Hope's coldness and indifference when speaking really made him angry and hurt him, he thought, ¿what's the point of this woman, who isn't Monica, going to NY if she isn't interested in us and she doesn't do it to try to remember, she does just out of curiosity as if we were circus monkeys? That night he slept badly, but in the morning he concludes that at least he would try for his children.
When Chandler left Hope was quiet...
"What's wrong, Hope..." the doctor asked.
"I thought he would stay to talk; I like to talk to him… what he tells…. But he is right with what he asked me about the children and my parents…. I just felt that it was hard, I would never have pushed the children away, I would never have treated them with indifference... and neither would I have treated the people who are my parents coldly" "Doctor, am I so cold and hard when I talk to him...?"
"Hope, obviously it was hard for him to listen when you told him that the only thing that moved you to go to NY was curiosity, that you were just visiting, in addition to clarifying that your intention is to return to live here, it is logical that your speech will sound indifferent and distant to him. If he came in with any hope that you would actually make an effort to know them and at least intend to try to remember, he totally lost it, and obviously went on the defensive protecting his children and his in-laws," Mercier told her.
"I don't want to hurt the children…. and I don't want to hurt him either... I can see suffering in his eyes because I don't remember it, it makes me feel bad…. but I can't do anything…" Hope said
"Look, I don't think he's pretending you remember, I think he just wants you to try, he wants you to take time to get to know him, to get to know Monica, the woman you were, and even if you don't remember, you can learn and understand how it was being together as a family"
The next day Chandler picked up Hope on time. During the trip to the airport they didn't talk much, once on the plane, Hope realized that she didn't remember having traveled by plane, and she felt scared, when the plane began to taxi down the runway she was shaking her hands nervously, Chandler looked at her, "Hope, everything is alright, …. give me your hand." Hope gave him her hand, he squeezed it gently, intertwined her fingers, and gave her a smile,
And there it was again... the sense of peace, security and calm…. Hope wondered, how does this unknown man make me feel like this by just touching me…? why does it make me excited?
