At a quarter till 8, Anna slowly lowered her knees onto the pillow on the floor of the sitting room, already placed in front of the fireplace. She hadn't seen the Commander since he introduced himself. But she'd hardly left her room since. Her shopping trip was the first time she'd left the house, and the first time she'd interacted with someone other than a few words here or there. Mrs. Waterford had been acting as if she wasn't there, and Rita was fairly short with her.

She raised her eyes as Nick and Rita entered.

They didn't look at her. They made their way towards her and stood behind her.

After a few moments of silence, Rita spoke.

"I hope they hurry. I have to finish prepping the roast for tomorrow," Rita's voice was low, but Anna could hear her uncaring tone.

"The Commander is in his study. I dropped him back off about an hour ago. Super late. Serena is pissed. And after the ceremonies are complete he's leaving town," Nick murmured.

"For how long?" Rita asked.

Anna strained her ears to listen to their gossip, but the two of them fell silent at the sound of heels clicking on the hardwood. Mrs. Waterford walked in with a cigarette lit. She took a puff as she sat down in an armchair a short ways away. She didn't appear her calm self Anna looked away from her quickly. She was jealous of the casual talk the Martha and Driver had. Their world wasn't falling apart at the moment.

Silence fell around them. Anna listened hard for the sound of more footsteps outside of the door, but it was quiet. Nick cleared his throat behind her softly, and Mrs. Waterford continued to puff on her cigarette.

Anna forced herself to breathe in and out. The smoke entered her nose.

And then there it was.

The knock. Anna was expecting it but still she nearly jumped. At the Red Center the taught of the rules the entire household must follow. The Commander was to come in last and knock because it is his wife's ceremony. Funny that it's considered the wives' ceremony but the husbands are the ones who get off.

"Come in,"Mrs. Waterford snapped. She appeared agitated now. Possibly because he was running late, like Nick said.

Anna wiped her clammy palms on her dress as she heard the Commander enter the room.

"Good evening all," Anna gritted her teeth as he spoke like he was the president greeting a crowd of people.

Commander Waterford cleared his throat almost awkwardly as he paused by his wife. "Uh well, Let's get started I guess."

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him walk over to a wooden box sitting on the mantle. He removed a bible and flipped to a bookmarked page.

He cleared his throat and looked at his audience, pausing on Anna and then looking to his wife.

Mrs. Waterford gave him a curt nod and he began. She put out her cigarette in a small golden colored ash tray beside her.

"And when Rachel saw that She bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister and said unto Jacob give me children or else I die…"

Anna's heartbeat pounding in her ears drowned out most of what he read from the passage. She was immediately brought back to the Red Center. In order to get their daily bible readings, it was projected over speakers in the dining hall. A male voice read it.

When the Commander stopped reading, she followed him and his wife to the bedroom, leaving Rita and Nick standing alone.

As she passed the solemn pair, she avoided their faces and focused on the decorations around them.

It was the Boston Museum of Art. That was where she'd seen the Monet. It was a thought that just burst into her mind as they passed the painting again. She wondered if Waterford stole it himself. She'd heard that anything was fair game for the Commanders. She just hadn't thought of them being interested in art.

Anna leaned back on the soft billowy comforter on the Waterford's bed. So much softer than what she had on hers.

Mrs. Waterford had climbed up behind her, tucking her dress around Anna's head and scooting so that Anna's head was nearly in her lap.

She raised her hands and Mrs. Waterford snatched her wrists quickly and pinned them down.

Mrs. Waterford's fingers dug into her wrist painfully as if she thought she may fight, but Anna stayed limp. Mrs. Waterford's hands felt clammy.

She could smell Mrs. Waterford's clean smell mixing with the cigarette she'd just smoked on her breath.

She could hear the Commander enter but dared not peek. It sounded like he was undressing himself.

Anna stared up at the ceiling. The chandelier that hung above their bed was much more fancy. It had pretty shimmering crystals hanging from it, but it wasn't on. The dim bedside lamps were on, giving the room a dull glow.

When she finally heard Commander Waterford approach her, she let her eyes drift to him. He had merely taken off his jacket. He reached down to undo his pants and Anna looked back at the ceiling.

Mr. Waterford smelled of cologne. Pretty strong cologne as if he'd just dabbed on a little extra before the ceremony. Like he was trying to impress her, the fleeting thought crossed her mind but she pushed it out.

She squeezed her knees together. They were trembling. She hoped he wouldn't notice.

It's just sex, she silently told herself. Just sex. Like the sex you have with someone when you didn't really feel like it but they were turned on so you did it anyway. Like with her ex. Anna's breath caught in her throat. When she was falling out of love with him, she'd give in, hoping that the feelings would return. It had been a long time since she'd even had sex with someone.

When his hand brushed against her knees, they were warmer than she thought they would be and she jumped slightly.

Before Anna could open them herself, Mrs. Waterford shifted on the bed behind her. "Open your legs. You don't have to touch her, Fred," her tone was sharp as she barked out the order.

Anna opened her legs slowly. Embarrassment flooded her body and made itself known on her cheeks. Mrs. Waterford reminded her of a harsh teacher. Nearly as harsh as the Aunts.

"Scoot closer," Mrs. Waterford barked at her again.

Mrs. Waterford's grip tightened on her wrists as Anna scooted closer to the edge of the bed. It felt like the gynecologist's office. She remembered every time she went that when she'd grudgingly put her feet in the stirrups the doctor would remind her to scoot further and further down on the table.

She closed her eyes when she felt the material of his pants against her thighs.

She waited for what seemed like ages but she knew was only a few moments as he guided himself to touch her.

It took a few thrusts before he was fully inside her. And truth be told, it hurt. She hadn't had sex in a long time, but also it wasn't like she was turned on and ready for him. She was nervous and tense. She focused on that pain until it numbed- until her body did what it was built to do and made the intrusion a little less painful.

She held her breath. She wanted to pass out. She held it until her lungs burned. But she didn't pass out this time.

He thrust in and out of her. He was breathing a little hard but almost like he was trying to control it.

Mrs. Waterford's grip only tightened on her wrists and she was sure that she would have bruises. Anna focused on the painful grip the woman had on her wrists as she waited for it to all be over.

And then he finished abruptly. He grunted lightly.

Anna released the air in her lungs as he stilled inside her. It was over.

He waited a few long seconds and then pulled out of her.

She didn't open her eyes until she heard him re-buttoning his pants. He turned and picked up his suit jacket and left without looking at her.

Anna was shocked but thankful for his quick exit.

The door shut behind him and Mrs. Waterford slid off the bed, finally releasing her wrists and jerking her dress from beneath Anna's head.

Anna suddenly realized that she didn't know what the next step was. The Aunts said that if allowed, the Handmaid should lie still for at least 10 minutes after the ceremony.

But as Mrs. Waterford leaned over to grab a cigarette, Anna was suddenly aware that Mrs. Waterford may not want her there any longer.

"Do you want me to… go?"

"Yes." Mrs. Waterford snapped sharply. "Go to your room."

Anna hurried from the bedroom. The welcoming and cordial Mrs. Waterford was long gone. Anna slowed down once she entered the hallway and took the stairs slowly. The results from the ceremony were dripping down her legs with every step. She paused in the doorway, gripping the door frame.

She couldn't make herself reach down to wipe it. She didn't want to touch it. It was disgusting.

She ran to the toilet and sat down. Always pee after sex, she reminded herself. Except this wasn't sex. This was rape.

The smell of it invaded her nose and she fought the urge to gag.

The hope that she wouldn't become pregnant was a complicated want. Because if she didn't, what would become of her? Would she be sent away to the colonies or just gotten rid of.

She stared up at the small chandelier hanging from her ceiling. She could see it from her spot on the toilet. She saw spots when she finally looked away. She forced herself to pee, and then rose to change clothes.