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Wally: Name a way to be nice to people

Dick: Not murdering people

Wally: Setting the bar really low, but I'll allow it


Wally: One day someone will think about you for the last time

Dick: Not if I eat the Declaration of Independence they won't

Wally: Why… why is that a thought in your head?


Wally: Don't bring a gun to a knife fight.

Don't bring a knife to a knife fighter either.

Stop going to knife fights altogether

What's your deal with knife fights?

Dick: What I do on my off time is no one's concern


Dick: Time for plan G

Wally: Don't you mean plan B?

Dick: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties

Wally: What about plan D?

Dick: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago

Wally: What about plan E?

Dick: I'm hoping not to use it. You die in plan e

Wally: Oh… yeah let's wait


Wally: Did you hear about Joe

Dick: What's Joe?

Wally: Who's Joe*

Dick: Joe Mama

Wally: Son of a B****


Wally: I don't think we can ignore the elephant in the room anymore

Dick: I think the elephant really ties the room together


Wally: Tried a Wendy's burger for the first time today. Treated like a burger

*Tasted

The did NOT put me on the grill


Dick: I was at breakfast this morning with Tim and almost told him that I was getting really into orange juice lately before I realized that is something a literal toddler would say.

Wally: Dude I am always into orange juice, you want me to bring some over?

Dick: Actually, yeah. That sounds awesome


Wally: I killed an Oyster on purpose once. Smashed it with a rock. It's one of my life's biggest regrets.

Dick: Oysters can't feel pain

Wally: What about my pain? What about my sorrow?


Wally: How exactly do I 'borrow a cow'?

Dick: We have time to figure that part out


Wally: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of b****?

Dick: Sure, if you could ask the question without the usual level of stupid


Dick: Jail is no fun

Wally: You've been

Dick: Once

In Monopoly


Dick: Well, that was the weirdest occult summoning ritual I've ever walked in on

Wally: How many have you walked in on

Dick: Honestly, I don't bother counting


Dick: Even IF I do 19 flips and s*** before I throw a punch

That punch will make you see the face of God

It's the only punch I need.

Wally: It's just, I mean

Are the 19 flips really that necessary?

Dick: Do I need to repeat myself?


Dick: I lured you to my lair because I crave the deadliest game

Wally: Knife Monopoly?

Dick: That isn't what I was going to say but now I want to know what knife Monopoly is


Wally: Sometimes I put commas where they don't belong because it's sexy, it's spicy, it adds a little color, and it keeps things interesting


Wally: Man, I hate Solitaire

Dick: Well what do you expect from a card game invented for the lonely?

Wally: Joy!?


Dick: How many times do you think you've seen the same bird twice?

Wally: Please don't do this to me, you've said a lot of things that f*** me up and I feel like this may be the worst.


Wally: I don't think we should ever tell Bruce about what we did yesterday

Dick: You want me to lie to Bruce?

Wally: Is that a problem?

Dick: No


Wally: Obama means Gmail

Dick: WTF

Wally: Damn autocorrect


Dick: Goooooooood morning to my beautiful best friend

Wally: It's 11 at night

Dick: Ok well, you're supposed to be asleep and weren't supposed to open that until the morning so f*** off


Dick: I bet I'm 100x smarter than you

Wally: 100x-1=-100

Dick: You wouldn't know that if your IQ was -1


Wally: I had a dream last night that a cat learned how to use a can opener and when I walked through my kitchen there were a dozen open cans of soup because said cat was looking for cat food


Dick: I told Bruce that a guard Llama could kill coyotes and he told me we still couldn't get a llama, I'm pretty sure he hates me

Wally: I'll let you get a Llama


Dick: Heyy!

I want to get into an argument

Wally: Okay, cream cheese isn't that good

Dick: I was kidding but you know what…

F*** you for real


Wally: It's really dark in here.

It's making me nervous

Dick: This is why I always wear light up sneakers


Wally: I think turtles are a big risk to our national security

Dick: May I ask why?

Wally: No


Dick: I think Clark may get outed as Superman pretty fast if he ever pushed a pull door


Dick: Dude, you've got to get me out of this f***ing house. We're out here doing puzzles, if I wanted to put together 750 pieces back together, I'll start with my mental state

Wally: Why are you all doing puzzles at 4 in the morning

Dick: Mind yo business


Dick: Is it 'for f***s sake' or 'for f*** sake'? It's for an email for work so it needs to sound professional

Wally: I think for this one you need to follow your gut

Dick: Well you're no help at all


Wally: Uno is a game based on luck unless I wil, then it's a game of strategy


Dick: The Breakfast Club isn't even about breakfast

Wally: Dude

Spoilers much?


Dick: Today marks the five year anniversary of the time I fell off some swings at the park and some kid yelled 'what season is it? Fall?'

I pray that child is dead every single day


Wally: What are you up to?

Dick: Having a panic attack

Wally: Nice

Keep me posted


Wally: Why do you need to put garlic in your pants

Dick: So Dracula won't try to eat my a**

Wally: Why would Dracula try to eat your a**

Dick: He won't. The garlic- are you even listening?


Wally: Scientist found that Vampire bats will 'French Kiss' with mouthfuls of blood to deepen social bonds

So, no I don't think romance is dead


I think I'll disappear back into the ether. Ciao