I couldn't resist uploading this one early.

Be warned, there be smut :3


It was Christmas Eve. A thick layer of snow coated the ground overnight and continued to fall as I walked. Despite the chill in the air, people filled the sidewalks. The sun couldn't break through the clouds, but there was still a cheerful atmosphere that felt at odds with my thoughts.

I was up most of the night wondering if I would actually commit to what I was doing—walking through the streets in search of Dimitri's apartment.

Lissa would be back in town in four days, and I had just as much time left to do what I wanted before returning to guarding her during the days again. I knew I shouldn't be out searching for a Strigoi, but I couldn't stay away from Dimitri—just as I couldn't get him out of my mind.

It had only been a day since the run-in with Nathan. Dimitri fought his own kind to save me again and got seriously injured doing so. But the strangest discovery was that he didn't drink human blood. His fridge was filled with enough blood bags to last him a while. Did that mean he didn't attack humans?

"But I'm still a monster."

His words struck a chord. I didn't know what to think anymore.

A Strigoi that chose not to kill sounded impossible.

Maybe I was an idiot for returning—for letting my curiosity bring me back—but I had to know.

I had a strong suspicion Dimitri would be home and felt safer approaching him during the day. After the run-in with Nathan, I felt unsure about the nights. I would have to think of a way to inform Chelsey and Andrews about the Strigoi gathering; I just had to think of a good cover for how I got that information.

The stairs down to Dimitri's apartment creaked and would be enough warning to him that I was there. We would never be able to sneak up on each other; the nausea hit as soon as I stood on the first step. I knocked once before his door opened, and Dimitri greeted me with a look of confusion and suspicion. His eyes flicked to my hands as if expecting me to have a stake out.

I had a speech ready for why I was there, but the words died in my throat as I took in the sight of him. It seemed Dimitri never wore shirts around his apartment because he was only in a pair of grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips. I tried to keep my eyes on his face but glanced down at his toned chest and firm stomach. I paused at the waistband of his pants.

"You're wearing sweatpants," I commented with a tilted head.

Dimitri narrowed his eyes. "Is there something wrong with that?"

I shrugged, cheeks flushed. I didn't know why that was how I chose to start the conversation. "I just didn't expect you to be in something so… comfortable."

"Why are you here, Roza?"

My eyes snapped to his, only to drop at the intensity he stared back with. Dimitri was so good at guarding his thoughts, that I couldn't tell if he was irritated that I was there. I couldn't blame him if he was; I did just show up at his front door.

"I wanted to check on you," I fumbled, hands stuffed into the pockets of my coat. Now I really felt like an idiot. I eyed the spot on his stomach that the pipe pierced; it was unblemished, just smooth pale skin. I shook my head and backed up a step. "Which I can see you're fine. So, I'm just going to go… and…"

"Come in, Roza," Dimitri announced, holding the door open for me to enter. I swallowed and crossed inside, looking anywhere except at him. "I assume you have questions?"

"Maybe," I muttered. Blood still stained the couch cushion; his ruined duster laid beside it. "Why did you help me?"

"Why do you think?"

I spun and met his steady gaze. "Is it some ploy to get closer to Lissa? Is being nice to me just some means to an end?"

He raised an eyebrow and stepped towards me, "You think I'm using you?"

"I don't know," I huffed, "I'm not exactly buddies with Strigoi, so I'm confused by all of it. First, you wanted to kill me, and then you kissed me. And now—you're drinking animal blood and almost dying to protect me? What the hell is happening?"

Dimitri didn't reply, instead, he stepped closer and lifted a hand between us. I could feel the slight chill his skin held, fingers just barely brushing my cheek. I didn't move as he ghosted his hand down to my neck, hesitating before pushing my hair back from my neck. His head tilted to the side with a frown.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he apologised as the tips of his fingers softly stroked where his nails cut my throat. They were healing, but still noticeable if you were looking. I kept my hair down and pulled forward around Eddie so I didn't have more questions directed at me.

Just the slightest touch from Dimitri had my heart racing. My mind instantly reminded me of other times he had touched me.

"What is this, Dimitri?" I questioned, just barely holding myself back from leaning into his touch.

His expression became pensive, looking at me with intrigue; inching closer.

I licked my lips; my heart skipped a beat when his eyes darted to my lips before returning to mine. His body gave no warmth, but the air felt heated between us. "Are you after Lissa?" I demanded weakly.

"I don't want her," Dimitri promised.

"What do you want?"

His eyes gleamed, intrigue transforming into something stronger. "You."

The distance between us closed, and his hand cupped the back of my head, fingers threading through my hair. I tilted my head back and leaned into his hold, eyes fluttering closed when our lips met in a sweet kiss. It was like he was hesitant to be as rough as last time. As if he thought I would pull back.

I should have.

I shouldn't have wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer, kissing back eagerly. I shouldn't have moaned when his tongue tangled with mine. I shouldn't have stripped off my coat after he unzipped it or kicked off my shoe before he picked me up.

There was so much I shouldn't have done, but I didn't regret a single moment of it.


We didn't go further than a heavy make-out session; Dimitri didn't push for more, even though I would have agreed. It made my affection for him grow. I stopped fighting my feelings for him—there was no point in denying it. I liked Dimitri.

It was a terrifying thought, but it was also thrilling. With Mason, my feelings were more of a fondness; but my feelings for Dimitri were deeper—so much more complicated.

I had to accept very quickly that everything with Dimitri would be complicated.


His fingers trailed down my side, stroking the bare skin between the hem of my shirt and underwear. My pants were removed at some point, but that was the last piece of clothing stripped. Dimitri was still in his sweatpants; he was already shirtless, and I took great pleasure dragging my nails down each muscle.

We were under the blanket on his bed with my ear pressed to his chest. I hummed, "Your heart really does beat."

Dimitri shifted his hold and pulled me on top of him so we faced each other. The corner of his lips quirked up, "It's slow, but it does. Is there anything else you would like to know, Roza?"

"Why do you call me Roza?" I asked. When he first used the name, it pissed me off, and I corrected him with a fist aimed at his face. I had grown used to it over the months since then.

He chuckled; the sounds rumbled deep in his chest. "It's how you pronounce Rose in Russian. After I saw how it irritated you, I continued to use it. Do you still dislike it?"

I shook my head, resting my chin on my arm, "No. I like it. Better than my full name." I narrowed my eyes in warning, "If you call me that, I will stake you."

Amusement shined in his eyes, and a smirk grew on his face, "We can't have that."

His hands returned to my hair, threading his fingers through the strands with a fond expression, one that hadn't left his face since he laid me on the bed. If it weren't for the glowing red in his eyes, I could almost pretend he wasn't the enemy.

"This is really weird, isn't it?" Dimitri eyed me, and I added, "You and me. This. If anyone else found out—"

"Are you worried about what the Princess would say?"

I frowned, replying, "I'm worried about what everyone will say. You were a dhampir; you know exactly what they will think if they found out. I would be as good as dead to them."

Dimitri's expression became harsh with a low growl in the back of his throat, "No one will harm you, Roza. If anyone tries—"

"Don't promise to kill someone for me," I glowered as I moved out of his embrace; the chill in the room returned, and I pulled my legs up and wrapped an arm around them. "I can't be with someone with such little regard for life."

"I haven't hurt a human in weeks," he defended, "I haven't—"

"Why?" I demanded, raking my hands through my hair and tugging the strands. What the hell was I doing? "It's your nature to kill—to feed! Why the change?"

"Because of you!" Dimitri bellowed; the outburst made me turn to face him, staring with wide eyes. "It's because you called me a monster, Rose. Your words stopped me every time I tried, all because I can't stop thinking about you!"

Dimitri jumped out of bed, stalking across the room with tensed shoulders; his hands clenched at his side. I watched him pace back and forth before he halted and spun back to me. "You think it's confusing for you? I'm going against everything for you! I'm changing every part of me just so you won't look at me with fear or hatred. I'm doing everything I can because I want you, Roza."

"I—"

"I saw you at the academy," he cut me off, eyes boring into me as he spoke, "I heard about what you did during the attack and saw how you fought to save more people. I admired you—watching you fight was breathtaking. When I realised it was you guarding the Princess, I couldn't stay away."

My heart was in my throat; thoughts ran through my head quicker than I could keep up with. "So, what? You want to own me or something?"

"It might have started that way," Dimitri admitted as he deflated, expression conflicted. I had never seen his emotions so raw; his guard dropped completely.

"And now?"

Silence followed the question. I felt myself crumbling as I waited for Dimitri to say something. I didn't need some declaration of love—I didn't think he could feel that. But I need something. Anything.

The conflict fell away, and Dimitri gazed at me. My breath caught from the affection in his stare—the admiration. "Now, I want to be with you because, every time I am, I feel like I could be more than a monster. You make me want to be something I'm not anymore. You make me wish I was still a man."

It wasn't a declaration of love.

No, it was so much more than that.

How could I have had such an effect on him?

His confession stole the air from my lungs and left me breathless. I crumbled, but not in the way I expected. All of the walls that I kept up to stop me from falling completely for Dimitri tumbled.

I reached for him, hand stretched out, pleading him to take it. I was committed knowing it would only end in heartbreak—but I couldn't turn away.

Dimitri might be an angel sent from hell, but I was happy to dance with the devil for him.


Dimitri accompanied me back to the house, refusing to let me walk back alone after sunset; it seemed the threat of Nathan was still on his mind. We didn't give what was happened between us a name, but I was sure we wouldn't be trading punches in the shadows of the night anymore.

I warned him to stay at least a block away just so no one at the house would see us together. I hated to hide him, but we both knew the risk. If someone did know, I was sure they would kill Dimitri and send me to live in a dhampir commune.

Everything I had was on the line, but a part of me knew it was worth it.

Dimitri said he wished he was a man still, and I wished I had met him before. Maybe I could have saved him in the caves—maybe I could have prevented him from ever being condemned with the fate of becoming a Strigoi.

I could have saved his soul from the torment of being a monster.


The next day, and the day after, I returned to his apartment, welcomed in instantly. Dimitri even greeted me with a kiss that made me shiver in anticipation. Each time we touched it was intense, leaving me wanting more. It wasn't all physical; we spoke for hours and I could tell him things I felt I couldn't tell anyone.

We were laid on his bed again, stretched out and talking about our families. My turn at sharing was short and filled with ire. The relationship with my mother wasn't as bad as it had once been, but it wasn't great. Dimitri told me about his family and I absorbed everything fervently; they sounded amazing.

I spun the ring on my finger, a soft smile on my face after listening to another fond story about Dimitri's sisters. "It reminds me of Lissa and Andre. They were the closest I had to a real family," I told him.

Dimitri rolled onto his side and covered my fingers with his, expression clouded. "The crash that killed the Princess's family was that the one you died in?"

"Yeah. I don't remember much about it—didn't even realise that was what happened until a couple of years later. We just assumed something happened to connect us. Never expected that it was me literally being brought back to life."

"How is it you can call the ghosts? That wasn't a pleasant experience."

I winced. "Yeah. They suck." I held my hand up to show the ring I had been playing with. "I keep them blocked most of the time—like a wall in my mind. The ring helps, it's been infused with Spirit."

Dimitri eyed the ring curiously, so I removed it and held it out. He grimaced at it, "Don't you need it to keep the ghosts away?"

I laughed, placing it on one of his fingers. "I can keep them back without it. I'm in control right now."

He held his hand still, eyes locked on it. There was a shift in his expression, something soft that I had only seen glimpses of before. Dimitri glanced at me with a curious look before returning his attention to the ring. "What do you mean about being in control?"

I didn't want to tell Dimitri about the darkness. I didn't want him to look at me with the same pity Eddie had when I told him that my life likely ended up with me insane and taking my own life. I was a ticking bomb, and I didn't want that to be something Dimitri focused on.

"Mainly if I'm tired or unprepared," I explained quickly. "The ring just makes it less draining to keep the wall between me and the dead up." One day I wouldn't be able to keep that boundary between the two worlds, and I would be dragged back.

Dimitri's brows knitted together, but he didn't question my answer. He took my hand and slipped the ring back onto my finger with tender movements. As soon as he released the metal, his eyes darkened and his hand moved to my neck, brushing his knuckles against me. "Was I right? Had you been bitten before, Roza?"

I inhaled sharply, thrown by the sudden change of topic. "Yeah," I whispered, "me and some friends were held by a Strigoi. They fed off me once before we escaped."

His eyes narrowed. "Was that the only time you've been fed from?"

I looked away. I didn't talk about what I did to protect Lissa when on the run.

Fingers wrapped around my chin and brought my eyes back to his. "You can tell me," Dimitri implored, "I won't judge you."

My tone was low when I replied, "Lissa used to feed off me. We were living in the human world and didn't have access to a feeder… So, I…" I squeezed my eyes closed from the memory, desperately ignoring the small part of me that missed it. I once compared her bite to being better than sex, and part of me still agreed.

"Have you thought about it?"

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, "About what?"

Dimitri made a sound that was almost a laugh, fingers still brushing my neck. "Have you thought of how it would feel if I bit you?"

My eyes snapped open and I became very still. Dimitri sat up to hover over me but removed his hand from my neck to take my hand instead, squeezing it.

"I don't mean in a way to hurt you, but I can't stop thinking of your reaction when I kissed your neck that time. The sounds you made were irresistible, Roza. I can't help but wonder what your reaction would be like."

As much as I knew I should stop the conversation and make him understand to never bring it up again, I couldn't ignore the heat that moved through my body. A bite from a Moroi during sex was meant to be incredible; one from a Strigoi would be even better. The thought of it made me feel dirty, but also insanely turned on.

I squeezed my thighs together as a heaviness grew—my arousal evident when Dimitri inhaled and groaned.

"I could take care of you, Roza," he promised, eyes closed in bliss for a moment before opening them again. His eyes were filled with longing and a passion that made my stomach flip. "Only if you want it. I won't do anything without your permission."

The weight of his request settled on me. His offer was enticing.

Did I want to have sex with Dimitri? Yes. The idea had been on my mind since his confession. That wasn't the part that made me hesitate.

Did I want Dimitri to bite me? I shouldn't, but with many things involving Dimitri, I wanted it.

But to voice that want…

"Would you take much?" I mumbled nervously.

"No," he assured, confident to lean close again without fear of me recoiling. "I promise, you'll enjoy it."

Dimitri's hand squeezed mine again, then slowly dragged down to the waistband of my jeans. My breath hitched, but I lifted my hip and nodded when his fingers toyed with the button. He moved slowly, eyes seeking approval each time he stripped a piece of clothing from me; so tender with each touch.

When we were both naked, and I was panting from the kisses he peppered my body with, he leaned close again and held my eyes. "What do you want, Roza?"

"You," I gasped, wiggling my hips to get some kind of friction, but he denied me.

"Is that all?"

I thought about it for a moment, warring with myself between desire and expectations.

Everything about our relationship was forbidden—what was one more thing?

"I want it, Dimitri," I told him, tilting my head back. "I want it."

Dimitri's hips lowered to mine and I moaned, eyes rolling back when his hard length rocked against me. Our lips met as he aligned his cock with my entrance and began to thrust in. He filled me, making me gasp with each inch he pushed in until his hips were flushed with my inner thighs. It was so much better than his fingers—so much better than the previous times I had had sex—and he hadn't even moved yet.

"You're so beautiful, Roza," Dimitri revered as he withdrew. "So beautiful, it hurts." His hips snapped forward and I moaned in pleasure, clinging to him as he set a feverish pace. Our tongues tangled in a fight for dominance, both moving together in another dance.

Just like when we fought, sex was passionate and both took turns leading. Dimitri was happy to give up control, eyes burning into me as I rode him, feeling myself get closer just from how he watched me. He made me feel worshipped—wanted. I was his sole focus and I wasn't used to being put above all else.

I balanced the edge, so close to falling over when he flipped us, pressing deep inside me. His thrusts became short and purposeful as his lips covered my neck, starting soft and tentative before he pressed open-mouth kisses. I gasped when he sucked and nipped, the anticipation of what was to come sped up my heart and made me clench around him.

"Dimitri," I whined, scratching at his shoulders, "Please, I'm close."

I felt his smile against my skin. A kiss on the side of my neck, and then I felt his fangs sink in.

Pain shot through me, always catching me off guard with how excruciating it was, but it was quickly replaced by the endorphins. Pure pleasure rocked my body as he continued to thrust into me. Never had I felt such rapture until that moment. My body bowed, and a scream of pleasure left my mouth, rambles of Dimitri's name fell from my lips as I rode out wave after wave of my orgasm.

Everything faded away until all I could think of was Dimitri and how good he made me feel. A warmth grew in my chest, filling it until it hurt. My eyes fluttered closed as I whispered a sweet confession into his ear.

"I love you, Dimitri."