CONRAD
Fucking hell. I was in absolute fucking hell walking away from her like this. She just had to look like this, at this hour. She just had to smell like that and talk that way. She had to breath so slowly and bite that lip of hers like that. She had to wear her hair like that and let it fly all around her soft, beautiful face. She just had to, unknowingly, do everything that makes this the most crushing experience of my life. I must not look back. I must not look back. I must not look back. If I do, for just a second, I will run to her grab her to kiss her like she was never kissed before. I would pick her up and carry her to the car and drive her to Cousins, just to lock us up in the beach house and spent every second admiring those freckles.
I must not look back. Jere would never forgive me this, this was his girl now. My girl was his now and I have to do everything in my power to remain strong, for all of us. I must not look back. I repeated in my head with each step I took. As I approached the house I saw a chair where the light didn't hit, it was quite dark there, so I walked over there and sat there for a moment. I saw Belly, walking back inside after a couple of minutes. The music was blasting really loud and I could hear chatter, but couldn't make up what they were saying.
After a few more minutes of taking deep breaths to calm myself down I walked back inside, getting another beer. I walked in on Steven talking to a couple of guys so I joined them. Steven introduced me enthusiastically. They were apparently all taking the same classes as he was. We talked for a bit, mainly about irrelevant things like football.
I knew when she was around, I felt her presence so strongly. I turned my head around to see her sitting on the kitchen island in the room next to this one, Jere in between her legs, having his hands all over her thigh. It made me sick to my stomach. I could see he was already wasted. In his defence, we all were, Steven was handing me one beer after another while I was busy trying not to stare at her, pretending she wasn't the only person I wanted to talk to right now.
„Moth To A Flame" from the Weeknd started playing and I spotted them in the large crowd, dancing and laughing. She caught my stare and glanced at me for a while, before looking back to Jere, kissing him. Again, I felt this anger in me, I've matured enough to know exactly what this feeling that is eating me from the inside out was. I was jealous of my little brother. He was dancing with her, holding her waist and kissing her, I felt my chest burning and Steven noticed it.
„I'll give them this summer, you know how Jere is." He said, rolling his eyes a bit, taking a sip of his beer.
„That's the problem, I think he is serious about this." I mumbled, under my breath.
„Jere doesn't take anything seriously." Steven laughed and spotted Taylor.
„If you'll excuse me—" He sang out, handed me his beer and walked over to her, taking her hand and leading her to the living room, where everyone was dancing and partying.
The guys I was talking to were actually quite cool, they were a good distraction for me. Some of their really lame jokes made me even laugh. Steven joined us after some time.
„Well, look who's back at last, Taylor dumped you?" I jokingly asked.
„Not yet at least, don't know why." Steven laughed.
„She's dancing with Belly now." he added before patting a hand on my shoulder—
„Let's get me some more of that secret potion, that's making you laugh Conrad Fisher." He said and we made our way to one of the beer dispensers in another room, since the one in the kitchen was empty, that one was on us, I must admit.
As we walked into another room I heard Jere talking to a couple of guys in the hallway. My head instantly turned once I realised what they were talking about.
„Yeah, Belly has a nice ass, too." One of the guys said and I felt my blood begin to boil. Steven noticed I'm not following him anymore, so he walked over to me.
„Not like Maddie tho, that bitch is tight." The second guy laughed, disgusting.
„Did Maddie, good times." The first guy said, feeling proud. What a classy fucking gentleman.
„I guess you'll fuck Belly anytime now, she's basically asking for it." The second guy said to Jere and I started walking over to him, Steven grabbed my arm, pulling me back, not wanting any trouble.
„By the time I'm done with her, she won't be able to walk. Her nice ass is mine." Jere laughed out. That little piece of shit.
„Make sure you leave some for-"
Before that mother fucking asshole said another word, I pushed Steven away and in burning rage, rushed over to Jeremiah, who turned pale finding out I overheard their conversation. I felt my whole hand shake as I punched him right into the face, making him lean against the wall of the hallway and slide down. My heart was pounding like crazy and everything around us felt blurry before I punched him again. I have never experienced this type of black out, all I could think about was how ungrateful he was, having Belly calling him her boyfriend, disrespecting her like that.
Everyone gasped around us and the two guys stepped away from me, smart choice. He didn't have anything to say to me. But I pretty much yelled out:
„You say another fucking word about her, I will kill you." I screamed and Steven barely had the strength to pull me away. In that moment, I saw Belly run over to Jere, kneeling down to him to check out the bruise that was already forming on his face. I didn't care how badly I hit him, he deserved way more than that. The amount of alcohol he drank, was absolutely no excuse, I always knew who he was, he may have fooled Belly, but he was just like our dad.
„Belly-" I whispered, breathing heavily.
„Are you insane?" She yelled at me, turning to him, asking him if he was okay.
„Belly, please—" I tried to let out the words, but she wouldn't have it.
„Get the fuck away from him." More people started to gather around us and Steven dragged me outside.
„I just have one question Conrad—" Steven started, sounding serious and confused.
„Are you out of your damn mind? I know it was messed up what he was saying, but to sucker punch him like that?" He said, but I couldn't get myself to calm down.
„He has no right talking about her like that!" I yelled.
„And I'll make sure Belly knows that, but—"
„No!" I interrupted him. „That will only upset her. Please Steven, it's better if she hates me." I pleaded.
„She has to know what kind of an asshole he just turned out to be." Steven tried reassuring me.
„No Steven, this has to come from her. I can't be the one—„
„You care that much about the guy that just talked about Belly like that?" He asked me, sounding more surprised and confused by the second. I just looked away, shaking my head. What a mess.
„Well… I hope he lost a tooth." Steven said, bursting out laughing, it was contagious.
It would take me hours to fully calm down. Taylor walked out after us.
„What the hell?" She asked, and I took a step back, ashamed of myself.
„I'll explain later." Steven said, but I interrupted:
„I just got jealous, I couldn't keep it under control." I said, not being able to look Taylor in the eye.
Steven looked at me, not knowing what to say to me. He doesn't have to understand. This is how I take care of my brother? I was a disappointment to my mother.
Taylor walked back home since it was only a couple of houses away and took Steven and me home. He was silent the whole ride and Taylor just went on about how everyone was talking about the scene that I've caused, how ridiculous it was and how I could've really hurt Jere. Well, Taylor, that was the whole point of it, you genius. I just rolled my eyes and breathed out, glad we finally got back. Thankfully, Laurel was already asleep, so she wouldn't ask why we didn't come back together. I just hope Belly didn't drink and would get both of them home safe.
I walked up to the guest room and walked over to the window once I heard a car pull up. They both got out of the car and I could see Jere's black eye. He had his hand around her shoulder and I felt my fists clutch, it made me so mad, thinking about the way he was talking about her. I knew it. I just knew this was a game to him. I stepped away from the window and sat down on the bed.
I may be a disappointment to my mother, but I would never be this person talking shit behind Belly's back. I broke her heart, but there was no one on this earth that loved her more than I do. No one that could love her better than me. I knew that now. She was the most important person in my life and I deserved her, I deserved a chance to show her what she means to me. She deserves someone that could love her like I would. She is the one, she is it for me. I don't care what it takes, I'll be there for her, I'll be there for her, I will care. I will show her how much I can love her.
Straightening this up would be a big challenge. I did mess up big time by just letting my emotions take over like that. I want her to choose me because she loves me, not because I was enraged that anyone would talk about her like that. I had only three months before I had to leave to Stanford, if I leave, and we don't recover from this, she will never forgive me, I will never forgive me. I had to win her back. My Belly, the only girl I was ever in love with.
