Rafael headed straight home after Olivia had told him she was on her way to a scene whilst on her way to the awards ceremony where they were meeting. They were meant to go together but she had to stay back at work and one of them always made a point to sit down with Noah at the end of every day, whether that be dinner or bed time.
They had been together for almost a year. Rafael kept in touch whilst he was away, visited as often as he could but was hesitant to start anything until he felt somewhat worthy of Olivia as much as he wanted to be with her. He wanted to finish his commitments and be able to fully commit fully to her. They both knew something was brewing between them and they just needed to take the plunge. Davies had caused a ripple which delayed their progress but he refused to let her push him away because of it and refused to take no for an answer. He knew that she was worried that he would just leave again. Like everyone else seemed to. Like he had before, but as much as he didn't want to, he needed to. He couldn't't offer her anything after Drew. She and Noah deserved more than the shell of a person he had become especially after his hearing. For all terms and purposes he knew she understood, but he also knew it evoked abandonment issues she tried so hard to ignore. It had taken some time, but the moment they were finally together, they were both all in. He knew she was it for him and she knew that no one else made her feel the way he made her feel. The way he loved her, the way he loved Noah it left no room for question. Even in his physical absence he was ever present in both of their lives and she was in love with him in a way she had never felt for anyone before.
It was Rollins who told him. He had hesitated about his next move. Under normal circumstances he would just show up to offer his support, but this was different. He knew it would be different. However she was his main concern therefore despite the bout of insecurities that now flooded his entire body he made his way to the precinct. Her favourite tea in her insulated mug in hand and dinner she had missed from home. If nothing else he was offering a hug and some sustenance before giving her the space she would insist on having.
She exhaustedly walked into her office after having stopped Elliot from advancing towards a suspect. Clearly some things didn't change with time. She saw the familiar flask and one of Noah's bento boxes he used for lunch sitting there with what looked like a note from her 8 year old telling her he loved her and that he was proud of her. She was sure it was what would have been waiting for her on their dinner table after the awards night. She turned to find Rafael sitting on her couch with a book in his hand.
"I know you're working and you need to be 'on'. I just wanted to drop that off for you and offer you a hug if you need it. I know what a shit storm this night has been for you and it's nowhere near done, so I'm here for whatever you need. If that means leaving, I can do that. I just wanted you to know, you're not alone in this. Whatever this is." His sincerity was her undoing. She walked over to the door and closed it before walking over to him as he opened his arms to receive her.
"I just need a minute. I need this minute with you." She whispered.
"Take as long as you need Mi Amor," he replied as she buried her face into his neck breathing him in. She let his presence surround her senses and calm eventually fill her.
"Thank you for coming. For knowing I needed you. I suppose you know." Rafael nodded.
"I'm sorry I wasn't the one who told you. It's just been madness and I haven't had a moment. If I'm really going to be honest. I didn't really know where to start and I'm not sure I've fully comprehended the events."
"Liv, baby you don't owe me any explanations. I'm just glad I can be here. We don't have to unpack this now and I understand why you can't." Olivia nodded and just hugged him tighter.
The reappearance of Elliot Stabler was bigger than anything they had ever had to face. Not even his departure could come close to the impact of the reappearance of Olivia's former partner and the silent goal post in which she measured all relationships. Rafael did not have a high regard for the man the moment he heard of him and even less so when he connected all the dots as he and Liv navigated their friendship in the early years and after his having to leave he knew he was in part paying for the original sin instead of his own. If Rafael were to be honest, there was a part of him that worried that their unresolved issues would drive a wedge between him and Olivia. A part of him wanted to activate self preservation mode but concern for Olivia would always win out over his own comfort or even need.
"You should get back out there." Rafael said reluctantly as Rollins looked up from her desk as if signalling him to wrap it up.
"Yeah. I sent Stabler to cool off before addressing the whole mess in the interrogation room."
"I'll get out of your hair. I told Lucy I wouldn't be long." Olivia nodded.
"I don't know how long I will be."
"That's ok. Do what you have to do. Let me know if you need anything. There's dinner and tea for you when you need it." He said pointing back at her desk as if to remind her.
"I love you Rafa."
"I know. I love you too Liv." He replied softly as he kissed her. As she reluctantly pulled away she searched his eyes and found nothing but love and concern for her welfare.
Olivia knew that whether or not he allowed himself to feel it, Rafael was worried knowing the weight that Elliot held in her life. They both knew that Elliot was her unspoken kryptonite. With one last squeeze and a chaste kiss on her lips he released her and opened the door. They were walking out of his office as Stabler was walking back into the bull pen. Without bringing any unnecessary attention to himself he looked back at Liv with a subtle nod and headed out the door. She knew he was trying not to add to the fire all around her and she appreciated it. She couldn't wait to get home and just be with her boys, back to a life uncomplicated. Wordlessly Amanda followed Rafael out the door to check in on him which Olivia appreciated. Amanda throughout the years had been like a little sister to Rafael and Olivia was glad that they had their own rapport. Elliot headed straight for her office completely oblivious. It made Olivia wonder if he was always that self absorbed or the current situation just had him completely occupied. She suspected it was the former. She sighed and motioned for him to follow her to the rooftop. She had given him some time to cool as she threw him out of the interrogation room and knew they would now have to have that conversation.
Needless to say, that conversation had not gone well. Thankfully Dickie had appeared to let him know that Kathy had woken up. She gave them a head start knowing she would have to make her way to the hospital eventually to question Kathy. Her head was still spinning that after ten years they appeared from seemingly thin air compromising her life balance.
Olivia headed back to her office and closed the door behind her. She took a sip from the hot tea that Rafael had brought and took a peek at the dinner he had packed her. She smiled to see that he had packed one of her favourite Cuban dishes, picadillo. She saw that he had slipped in Pastelitos he and Noah had made the night before.
"Hi Baby," Rafael answered after one ring.
"Did I wake you?" She asked finally looking at the time and realising that it was past midnight.
"No, just doing some work. Noh woke up a little while ago,"
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he sensed Momma wasn't home yet and was looking for you."
"Sorry. It's going to be a long night. Kathy's awake so I need to take her statement."
"Don't be sorry. He's okay. You know he just likes to do roll call of an evening."
"Thank you for staying with him tonight."
"Of course Liv. How are you? Have you eaten?'
"I'm okay. Yeah just finishing up as I called you. Thank you, not only for bringing me dinner but making it especially," she suspected he had cooked it when he headed to her place instead of the awards ceremony because she knew she did not have a number of the ingredients he would have needed to put it together.
"Noh helped."
"I miss my boys." She said with a sigh.
"We miss you too, but we will be here when you're done."
"Do you have classes tomorrow?" She asked conversationally. Most Saturdays he didn't work but on the rare occasion he would run a class or fill in for one of the other professors. He knew she was trying to trying to bring normalcy before having to go to the hospital.
"No, just grading papers." He replied as he leaned back on the couch. Whilst he still practiced, Rafael was primarily a Law Professor at Colombia. He hadn't anticipated how much he would enjoy it and the hours we conducive to a very active 8 year old with a plethora of extra curricular activities.
"You working from there tomorrow?" She asked. Usually he graded papers in his office at Columbia or at his own place wanting to be fully present when he was with them. They had talked about moving in together as he stayed most nights and on the nights they weren't together neither slept as well. At the moment his place was acting as an extension of the closet space that Olivia had cleared for him and an office if he didn't want to be on campus.
"I was going to, but I don't need to." He answered uncertain of what her preferences would be after her evening.
"Please stay," she said softly.
"I will be here Liv." He promised.
"I guess I better head to the hospital. The sooner that happens, the sooner I can come home."
"Sounds like a solid plan. Call if you need anything."
"I will. Don't wait up for me. Try and get some sleep."
"Sure,"
"Liar," Olivia challenged,
"Love you." He replied with a chuckle,
"Te quiero mucho Rafael Barba,"
By the time she arrived home it was almost 3 in the morning. She found Rafael upright, leaning against her headboard in bed with papers in his hand asleep. Noah snuggled against his side with his arm and leg draped over her boyfriend. Olivia kissed Noah's cheek and ran her fingers through his hair before gently prying the papers from Rafael's hand and slipping off his glasses from his face.
"You're home," Rafael observed as he opened his eyes.
"When I said get some sleep, sitting up in an uncomfortable position wasn't what I had in mind." She replied as he just smiled at her.
"Why don't you get ready for bed and I can take the little monkey back to his bed." He offered as she nodded. Rafael climbed out of bed and drew her into a hug.
"Good to have you home,"
"It's good to be home." She answered.
Olivia watched as Rafael lifted Noah into his arms to carry him back to bed even though he was definitely getting too big to be carried. Noah remained unconscious as he wrapped his arms and legs around Rafael laying his head on his shoulder. Whilst Noah and Rafael were always close, the last year had morphed them into essentially father and son. Rafael had the hard conversations with Noah when required, set boundaries when necessary but most of all Rafael loved him unconditionally. He was there for the good and the bad. He attended games, recitals, performances, parent teacher nights, he did homework, he cooked and baked with Noah just as Rafael did with his Abuelita. They were thick as thieves and Olivia had enjoyed watching their relationship evolve.
When Rafael had returned to the bedroom Olivia was in the shower. He packed up the papers he was reading through and grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge. When Olivia came out of the bathroom he was laying on what had become his side of the bed waiting for her. Olivia slipped into the covers and straight into his arms. He heard her let out a sigh as she lay her head on his chest as her draped her arms around his middle. Rafael placed his lips on her head and rubbed her back soothingly.
"Sleep my love. It's already tomorrow." He murmured. Olivia lifted her head to look at him. She kissed his jaw and his lips before snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes, only to open them a few moments later.
"He apologised," Rafael opened his eyes,
"For?" Rafael asked knowing her mind was racing and needed to talk it out.
"For leaving and not saying good bye." Rafael bit his tongue before he could say, 'Is that all he's apologising for?'.
"He said that if he had heard my voice, he wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. What does that even mean?" That he's a coward, his inner voice raged within him.
"That you meant a lot to him and he didn't want to disappoint you. That if you'd asked him to stay, he would have." Rafael answered..
"I'm not exactly foreign to the concept. So I guess if anyone were to understand, I would." He further explained.
"Hey," she said sitting up.
"That's not the same thing. You didn't leave without and explanation and you didn't disappear from my life. His sins aren't yours Rafa and I am sorry if I ever gave you any indication that it was." She said regretfully cupping his cheek.
"We're good Liv." He assured her as he leaned down to kiss her. Olivia angled towards him to deepen their kiss as Rafael's hands began to roam beneath her pyjama top. She moaned into his mouth as ground against him one of his hands resting on her bottom. Rafael gently rolled her to her back as his lips trailed from her lips, down to her neck as his hands continued to roam down her body.
Rafael woke early to get Noah ready. He carefully slipped out Olivia's arms and bed. He threw his sweats back on and headed to Noah's room.
"Hey Honey, time to get up." Rafael said gently running his fingers through Noah's hair coaxing him gently awake.
"No school," he mumbled uncharacteristically protesting. Rafael knew it was because he was tired from his broken sleep the night before.
"No school for you my Love it's Saturday. You have dance this morning remember." Noah's eyes shot open as Rafael grinned. Dancing was a Noah Porter Benson favourite and always the preferred activity.
"Will you take me today?"
"Of course. Why don't you get ready and I'll make you a smoothie to go." Breakfasts before dance never worked for Noah so Rafael had started making him smoothies to get something in him but light enough that it didn't cause him discomfort. Usually once dance was over they would have brunch together as a family of Olivia wasn't working. If she was and Rafael wasn't working it would end up being a boys thing.
"Mama home?"
"Yes she is. She got in a few hours ago so she's still sleeping. Get dressed and you can say good morning before we leave for dance." Noah nodded as he gave Rafael a hug before heading to the bathroom. Rafael headed to the kitchen to get Noah's pre breakfast ready and turn on the coffee machine. He poured a cup for Olivia before heading back to her bedroom. He picked up her pyjama top from where it was thrown on the floor the night before and sat down on her side of the bed to wake her.
"Morning my love. Noah's about to wander in here to say good morning." He whispered on her ear as he kissed her cheek, placing her pyjama top in her hand. Olivia murmured something incoherently as she took it from him and slipped it over her head. Rafael placed a kiss on her forehead before standing to his feet. Olivia grabbed hold of one of his hands and pulled him back down for a proper kiss.
"Morning Rafa," she said softly as she lovingly caressed his groomed beard.
"There's coffee beside you. You going in today?"
"Not until later." Rafael nodded before he could say anything else Noah knocked on the door. Rafael kissed her forehead and stood to his feet.
"Come in honey," Rafael called out and grabbed his jeans and T-shirt before heading into Olivia's ensuite to change and brush his teeth.
Rafael gave Noah some one on one time with his Mom knowing the next few days would be busy. Rafael came in a few minutes later with Noah's smoothie in a to go mug.
"You have some time kiddo. I'll come and get you when we have to go. Hang with Mami." Rafael heard Noah ask Olivia if she was working this weekend as he headed back into the kitchen to rustle up some breakfast for Olivia knowing she'd probably have to go by the time he came back from dropping off Noah.
"Time to go honey. Say bye to Mami and grab your things." Rafael said ten minutes later as he entered with a breakfast tray for Olivia of toast, eggs and bacon. Noah hugged his mother goodbye before running out of the room,
"Walk my love," Rafael called out after him. They heard a sheepish sorry in reply.
"Thank you for taking such good care of us." Olivia said meaningfully as he set the tray on the bed.
"We're a team. We all take care of each other." He replied tucking a loose hair behind her ear.
"Eat. I'll take him to dance and come back."
"Are you okay to pick him up and have him for the day? I could call Lucy if you're working."
"I'm almost done with grading papers. If you're working for the rest of the weekend might be good to have one of us with him for the duration. We can have a boys day out. Take him to brunch and the park or something."
"Sounds good. Just don't do too many fun things without me."
"Nothing is ever as much fun without Mama." He promised pressing his lips to hers before following Noah. She smiled as Noah talked a mile a minute as Rafael herded him out of the apartment.
When he got back a half hour later he saw the tray in the kitchen and heard the shower going. Olivia smiled as the shower door opened.
"I was hoping you'd join me." Rafael grinned as he stepped in drawing her into his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Once the water had ran ice cold they had reluctantly stepped out of the shower and got ready for the day.
"Did you want a ride to the precinct? Noah wanted to have brunch with Abuelita so we're going to swing by and get her. He wants her to teach him how bake Torticas de Moron so we'll be here home." She knew he was staying close to home in case she needed him.
"A ride would be great. I left my car at the precinct. Fin insisted on driving me home."
"Good man that Tutuola." Rafael stated appreciating how well her team looked out for her.
Olivia spent the morning in her office. First a meeting with the Chief and then going through what they had with Kat and Amanda.
"Back then no one looked out for me the way he did." Olivia stated.
"I get that." Amanda replied.
"Rafa, he's been amazing Manda." Olivia said looking at her friend.
"He loves you Liv. He knows this isn't easy for you and he just wants to make sure you're taken care of and that you don't have to worry about anything. That he supports you."
"Is he okay?"
"Liv, you'd know if he wasn't. His poker face with you is non existent. Secondly as long as you're okay, he's okay."
"I don't know how much worse this would be if I didn't have him."
"You don't have to worry about that, because you do. Let him take care of you."
"I will. Thank you Amanda. For being here, for me. For him. I know it means a lot to him to have you on his corner."
"Well my kids think he hung the stars and moon, so kind of comes with the territory when he's their beloved Uncle Rafa."
"Noah and those girls mean the world to him."
Olivia had gone to the hospital to check on Kathy and to give Elliot an update. It was surreal to think there they were walking side by side talking about a case as though no time had passed. But it had, and there was a distinct difference in their manner, hers specifically.
Olivia checked in with Rafael throughout the day. He had sent her pictures from Brunch and baking with Abuelita. Lucia had stayed and cooked on of Rafael's favourite meals. She was still there when Amanda had told him the Kathy Stabler had passed away and that Olivia was on her way to the hospital. Lucia insisted he go to her and she would watch Noah until he returned.
"I'm so sorry," he heard her murmur over and over again as Elliot Stabler was wrapped around her, his face buried into her neck so intimately that he felt like he was intruding. Rafael backed away trying not to bring attention to himself bumping into Fin.
"I'm going to wait out here." He said quietly as Fin nodded. Seeing the sight before them wasn't easy by any means, but as someone who knows of their history Fin could understand why Rafael would feel unsettled. Rafael considered leaving altogether feeling like being there was an overstep. As he weighed out the pros and cons Olivia turned the corner and found him leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.
"Hey," she said surprised to see him. Elliot had to sign paperwork so Fin had offered to stay with him so she could take a breather. Rafael turned and opened his eyes, seeing the heartbreak in her face had him launching himself off the wall to gather her in his arms as she began to cry.
"I've got you." He whispered softly in her ear as he guided her into an empty room.
"I'm so glad you're here."
"Always. I wasn't sure whether I should be, but my feet kind of steered its way here."
"Rafa, she's gone."
"I know Liv. I'm so sorry."
"You should go back out there. I'm going to head home. Mami is with Noah. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Thank you."
"Of course." Rafa kissed her forehead and gave her hands a squeeze before leading her out of the room to join Fin and Elliot.
When Rafael got home Noah was already asleep. He put his mother in an Uber and poured himself a scotch. Kathy Stabler gone shifted things, even if he tried so hard not to go there. Sure there was a grieving process due, but there was also about 23 years of sexual tension and unresolved issues between Elliot and his girlfriend. All of a sudden he felt like a caged animal. He wished he'd asked his mother to stay at least for another hour so he could go for a run. He looked at the time and grabbed his phone. It was early enough.
"Thank you Lucy for coming on such short notice. I just have an errand to run."
"Of course Rafael. He's asleep and I brought my text books. This place is always quieter than my place."
Rafael dropped Amanda a message to let her know of his whereabouts asking her to let him know once Olivia was headed home so he can be there when she did. For now he just needed to breathe. Rafael ran for miles and was back after an hour. Whilst he was exhausted, he was no longer haunted by images of Elliot clinging to Olivia with such possession that even he felt like he was intruding. He thanked Lucy and paid her for the evening before taking a long hot shower.
When Olivia arrived home an hour later the apartment was quiet. He had left a plate out for her and cookies that Noah had baked with Lucia. She was surprised to not find him waiting for her in the living room. She checked on Noah who was fast asleep clutching Eddie the Elephant tightly to his chest. She pulled his blanket up to his chin and kissed his forehead. When she got to her bedroom she found Rafael laying on his stomach on his side of the bed, his face towards the window. She sat by him and leaned down to bury her face into his shoulder. Rafael woke and his arm automatically reached behind him to hold her head as he turned to look at her.
"Hey," he greeted. He released her only so he could turn his whole body.
"Come here." He said opening his arms out to her. Olivia stripped off her clothes and climbed into his side of the bed and into his arms. She began to shake as he held her until the floodgates had opened and she sobbed against his chest. Olivia cried until she fell asleep leaving Rafael wide awake, his thoughts running a million miles per minute.
Olivia woke to the noises from the boys coming from the kitchen. Sundays were the days they normally got to have breakfast together so it was always elaborate and something they all looked forward to. She smiled as Rafael stood before Noah as he guided his hands on how to use a knife properly.
"Rafi,"
"Yes my love," Rafael answered patiently.
"What are we doing today?"
"I'm not sure honey. I didn't get to ask your Mom if she was working today."
"Will you stay with me if she does have to work?"
"Sure Kiddo, if that's what you want." Noah nodded.
"I like it when you're here all the time Rafi." At some point on his relationship with Olivia Noah dropped the Uncle instead preferring to call him Rafi as Lucia did to which he didn't mind.
"I like being with you too Noh." Rafael caught a glimpse of Olivia leaning against the frame between the hallway and dining room/kitchen.
"Hey Noh, Mami's awake." Rafael noted carefully taking the knife from Noah so he could greet his mother.
"Morning Sweet Boy, what are my boys making?"
"Waffles, bacon and berries."
"Yum. Morning Rafa." She said walking over to him to give him a kiss.
"Morning Liv." He replied wrapping an arm around her waist running his hand up and down her back soothingly.
"Fin and I are going to head to the Stabler's in a couple of hours and bring lunch over."
"Good. I'm sure they'd appreciate it." Rafael replied dropping a kiss to her temple before checking on the bacon. The three of them enjoyed brunch together. Olivia was navigating messages from Elliot as well as Fin. The Chief had told her that they were off the case as of the night before so she also needed to gather a few things to hand over to Elliot.
"Sorry," she apologised knowing she wasn't completely present. Rafael placed a hand over hers.
"Está bien. Pero es posible que tengas que decirle lo que está pasando. Ha estado preocupado." (It's okay. But you might need to tell him what's going on. He's been worried.) Olivia nodded as he stood to his feet to clear the table. When his phone began to ring he excused himself to take it in the bedroom.
"Everything okay?" She asked as he returned a few minutes later.
"One of my colleagues is sick. He's asked me to his morning class. I need to pick up course content from him and prep for class tomorrow. I can do that this afternoon after Noah and I spend the day at the zoo maybe Noh?" Noah nodded enthusiastically.
It was another long and tiresome day and Olivia was surprised to see Lucy studying at her dining table.
"Hey kid, apartment noisy?"
"Always," Lucy replied with a groan.
"Where's Rafa?"
"He said seeing as I was here he'd go home to prep for his class tomorrow and give me the space to study in the peace. He said he'd left you a message. I'm confused though, weren't you guys supposed to be out tonight, which is why I was supposed to be sitting Noah?"
"Oh no," Olivia groaned as she looked at her phone. She did see a voicemail and a text message from Rafael earlier but she had just wanted to get home. Her eyes fell on the date and she realised why Lucy was there.
It was their one year anniversary.
She and Rafael had booked her to stay the night so they could celebrate. She knew he had booked them a hotel and a table in one of the new French restaurants she wanted to try. He had booked it months in advance because of the long wait list.
She listened to his voicemail before reading his message,
"Hey Liv. Noah and I just finished up at the zoo. I have just picked up the course content tomorrow and I need to prep tonight. It's a lot of content on unfamiliar subject so if I don't want to sound like a jack ass who has no idea what he's doing I need to get my brain around this tonight. I called Lucy and she's going to sit for Noah until you get home. Hope that's okay. Hope today went as well as it could."
She looked at his text,
"Hey Liv, sorry I missed you on the phone and had to leave you a voicemail. I left Noah with Lucy so I can head home and prep for tomorrow. Hope the Stabler's are doing okay. I'm sure it means the world to them to have you there as support for their family. Just remember to take care of you too. Noah made dinner so there's spaghetti on the stove for you. Eat something. Get some rest. I'll talk to you later."
Olivia facepalmed and sat down on the chair somewhat exhaustedly.
"So I forgot it was our one year anniversary."
"Wait that was today?" Lucy asked incredulously remembering all the things that Rafael had planned.
"Yeah. My partner from a lifetime ago of 13 years reappeared the other day after 10 years of being gone. His wife was in an explosion on the night of my award and she passed last night. Do you think Rafael forgot?" Olivia said hopefully.
"I doubt it Liv, but obviously he knew this was important to you and he didn't want to make you feel bad." Olivia suspected as much.
"Luc, seeing as you're already here you mind?"
"Of course not. Go."
Olivia let herself into Rafael's apartment. Paperwork was spread out in his dining table, his laptop was on and he was using his iPad for referencing information. His phone and his Apple Watch sat on the table whilst he was nowhere to be found. She searched his house and came up empty but noticed that his running shoes were not by the door as they usually were and deduced that he was probably out on a run. She made a note to lecture him about safety and running without his watch or phone.
When Rafael arrived home Olivia was asleep on his couch. He covered her with a blanket and kissed her on the head before taking a shower and getting back into prepping for his class the following day. When Olivia stirred it was the middle of the night and Rafael was still at the dining table. She chuckled to find him hunched over a text book asleep.
"Hey, lets get you to bed." She said in a whisper as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Disoriented, it took a moment for everything to register. He nodded not bothering to ask why she was there. He assumed she'd remembered. She led him to his bedroom as he exhaustedly climbed into bed opening his arms out for Olivia as she climbed in and lay with her back against him.
"I'm sorry Rafa." She apologised as she hugged the arms that were wrapped around her.
"It's ok Liv." He murmured sleepily as he kissed the top of her head.
Liv woke the following morning to a fresh pot of coffee and breakfast with a note from Rafael.
"Hey, class was is at 7am this morning. I didn't want to wake you so early. Lucy is going to get Noah to school so you don't have to rush home and worry. I am in class and office hours for most of the day. I won't make it for dinner or bed time with Noh. I'l call you. Love you."
Olivia helped herself to a cup of coffee and got ready for the day from his place. Both she and Noah had their own closets at his place. His guest bedroom had long since been converted and claimed as Noah's room. When they talked about moving in together they hadn't quite decided whether one would move into the other or that they would look for a new place altogether. Rafael's place was definitely bigger, and there was an office they could share if they needed to bring work home. It was also equal distance to his school and her work.
"So I win stellar girlfriend of the year." Olivia commented to Fin as he checked in upon his arrival at the precinct later that morning.
"Uh oh,"
"I forgot it was our 1 year anniversary yesterday."
"Yikes. Barba mad?"
"Nope. Didn't even mention it. He cancelled the hotel room, the dinner reservations and pretended it was just a normal day. When I came over last night to apologise he just drew me into his arms and told me it was ok."
"He's a good egg."
"He says the same about you." She replied with a chuckle.
"He's handling Hurricane Stabler better than what I thought he would if one is going to be honest."
"Truthfully? Same."
"I thought for sure after the other night," Fin stopped realising that Olivia may not know.
"What do you mean the other night?"
"Nothing,"
"Odafin Tutuola," she warned.
"He saw you at the hospital."
"I know, he came to check on me." She replied confused,
"Wait, do you mean."
"He saw Elliot wrapped around you. I mean yes his wife died. But Liv I know your history and even for me it was a lot. If I were Barba."
"Oh Fin."
"Liv, Barba's a good guy. He understands."
Rafael entered his office tiredly. He had a little over an hour before he started office hours with his students. His stomach rumbled as he realised the only thing in his stomach had been coffee that morning and it was already 12:30 in the afternoon.
"For someone who's so insistent on a regular feeding schedule for others, you're terrible at your own." Rafael turned and rolled his eyes at Olivia who was sat on the couch in his office.
"You're a pleasant surprise. Shouldn't you be Captain-ing somewhere?" He teased as she stood to her feet to greet him.
"Professor Barba, Captain-ing is not a verb, let along a legitimate word." She replied wrapping her arms around his shoulders resting her forehead against his.
"Hi," she said as her eyes locked with his.
"Hi Baby," he replied with such affection and softness that her eyes watered.
"I really love you Rafael Theodore Barba,"
"I know you do." He assured her sensing it was what she needed.
"You want to have lunch with me? I have an hour." He offered.
"I actually brought you food for once. I wanted to see if you could squeeze me in."
"Always. What'd you bring me?" He asked excitedly,
"Sometimes I think Noah is more yours than mine." She said laughing as his expression was almost identical to Noah's.
"With his stubbornness, definitely more you." He retorted earning a jab to his side.
"Rafa,"
"Yes Liv,"
"I'm sorry about yesterday. For forgetting. For being so preoccupied."
"It's okay."
"No it isn't. I never want you to feel as though you're not, we're not as important. It's just been a lot."
"I know and for the record, I never once thought we weren't as important. I know how huge Elliot's return is. Add to that Kathy's passing. I do not doubt you love me. That we are important to you. Liv it is what it is and we can only navigate this as best as we can. To keep the communication lines open. To be honest, no matter how hard it is."
"Rafa, my feelings haven't changed."
"And neither has mine. I'm in this Liv."
"As am I."
"Good, we're on the same page. Now will you please feed me. I'm hungry." Olivia smirked as she rolled her eyes at him.
"Rafa, I know you're working late tonight but will you come home? To me and Noah. I mean I know you have your own place and I know we parked this conversation, but I'd really like for us to officially be under the same roof. I don't care where it is."
"Olivia Benson are you asking me to move in with you?"
"Yes,"
"Liv,"
"I'm not asking because of all that's hit the fan in the last few days Rafa," she added as she noted the flicker of hesitation in his eyes.
"I just don't want to push you into something you're not ready for."
"I'm ready Rafa."
"Yours, mine or somewhere new?"
"Yours has more room."
"Yours is where Noah grew up."
"I know but he's getting bigger and it doesn't matter where we end up as long as we get to make new memories together."
"I don't care where we are as long as we're together. Why don't we ask Noah?" Olivia nodded.
"But you'll come home tonight?" She pressed,
"Yes my love." He said giving her hand a squeeze.
"Rafa, I don't want us to pause our life because of this."
"I appreciate that, but I also don't need you to make big decisions as a grand gesture of proof that you love me and that you're committed to us. I'm not going anywhere Liv. I know what Elliot means to you. It's okay to unpack that. It's okay to give yourself time to unpack that."
That evening when he arrived at the Benson's he was surprised to find Olivia already home. He knew that they had wrapped up Elliot's case and handed it over as it was not an SVU case. Kathy's funeral was scheduled for the following Saturday. It would only be Elliot, the kids and Olivia. Kathy no longer had any living relatives and they'd been gone for so long that she didn't really have any close friends in the area. Rafael knew how awkward it was for Olivia to be singled out especially as it had been so long, but she couldn't deny him either. Olivia was laying on the couch through a file when he walked in.
"Hi Baby," he greeted as he bent down to kiss her. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her.
"Hi," she greeted kissing him deeply until he was hovering over her on the couch.
"I've missed you too my love." He said with a grin as he ended up joining her on the couch.
"Our little monkey down for the night?"
"Yes, he was disappointed to have missed you at dinner and especially bed time as I am clearly not as good at the voices or reading in Spanish as you are." She added dryly. Noah and Rafael read Spanish edition of mainstream books together. It had been their thing since Noah was little and Rafael started building his collection that started with 'La oruga muy hambrienta' (The Very Hungry Caterpillar).
"You can speak Spanish to me any day." He replied,
"You make that sound so dirty." She said laughing.
"That's because you have a dirty mind Olivia Benson."
"Did you eat?"
"I never got the chance to."
"We made Chicken Alfredo."
"That sounds incredible." He sighed.
"Then you're going to have to get up so I can make you a plate." She pointed out as he groaned.
"But I don't want to. I'm comfortable now." He protested burying his face into her neck, tightening the arms he had wrapped around her middle.
"Cute Barba, real cute."
"Do you really want me to move?" He asked grinning at her knowing her preference would be for him not to.
"No but you have to eat." She said sensibly.
"Not hungry anymore ." He mumbled as he nestled his face deeper into the crook of her neck.
"Later when you're starving and grumpy, I will remind you of this moment so you don't get to be mad it me."
"Never." He promised.
"Says the man who turns to the incredible hulk when he's hangry."
"Green and muscly?"
"You're ridiculous." She stated laughing.
"You love it."
"I love you."
"Good because I have it on good authority that I love you too."
"Huh, always good to know."
When Olivia got home from Kathy's funeral she found both boys in Noah's room. Noah's head was on Rafael's chest as he lay beside him reading him the first instalment of Harry Potter in Spanish. Noah woke up unwell that morning with a slight fever so Rafael had stayed home with him instead of having Lucy sit in case he was contagious as she was in the middle of exams. She had guessed that he caught a cold from the day they were sledding. The day Elliot had handed her that letter, and days later the contents of it still bouncing around in her head.
"How are my boys?" Liv asked as they both looked up at her and smiled. Sometimes she had to remind herself that despite their identical facial expressions there was not a drop of blood between them.
"Momma." Noah said happily raising his arms to hug her. Olivia walked over and dropped a kiss to Noah's forehead before laying down on the other side.
"You two cuddle, while I get dinner ready." Rafael said rising to his feet. Olivia caught his hand,
"Stay. I want to cuddle with both my boys." Rafael nodded and lay back down beside Noah as Olivia kept hold of his hand.
He had walked in on her reading the letter from Stabler. As reflex action she had slipped it between her iPad. Rafael's look of surprise went to hurt when she explained that Elliot had handed her a letter when she gave him what they had collated from the case. He wasn't hurt that she was reading a letter from him, or that she didn't want to share it with him, but that she wanted to hide it from him. Rafael picked the book back up with his free hand and began reading again. Olivia laced her fingers through his and rubbed her thumb along his palm. When he had to turn the page he released her hand. As the chapter drew to a close both Noah and Olivia had fallen asleep. Rafael slipped out of the bedroom to let them rest. He started dinner so that it could slow cook for a couple of hours. He was making Noah chicken noodle soup and making his own broth. Once the vegetables were sautéed and the chicken had been seared he popped it into the slow cooker.
Olivia woke up with Noah still asleep beside her, Rafael no longer in the room. Gently she eased herself off Noah's bed not wanting to wake him. The amazing smell coming from her kitchen was a tell tale sign that dinner was coming along. She found him sitting out in her balcony in the egg swing he had bought for her the previous summer. It was one of their favourite places to sit, especially in the summer. However in March when there was still snow on the ground it wasn't ideal, yet there he was sitting cross legged typing madly on his laptop his AirPods on.
"No, whilst that is a convincing argument that isn't law." He replied. He looked up apologetically.
"Listen Sam, your argument is sound. But you need to put actual bones in it. Facts, law. I've sent you notes on what you've sent me. You have a few days until it's due. Read the notes, pay attention and make the changes. You've got this. I've got to go. You're welcome." Rafael hung up his call and removed his AirPods from his ear and slipped it into his hoodie pocket and zipped it for safe keeping as he closed his laptop.
"Last time you did that you almost washed your AirPods." She reminded him.
"That was definitely a close call. Noh still asleep?"
"Yeah, dinner smells amazing."
"I should go check on it."
"Rafa,"
"Liv, it's fine."
"It isn't Rafa. Not if it hurt you."
"It's ok. I know it was reflex. You weren't expecting anyone to walk in while you were reading something to private." Olivia pulled out the letter and held it out to him.
"I don't want to read it Liv. It's private. It's yours. I never needed to know what was inside it and I don't need to know now. You are your own person. Entitled to her own privacy. Whatever it is, it's between you and Stabler. We're good." He said gently giving the hand that held the letter a quick squeeze before heading inside to check on dinner. Once he added a few more things to the soup he went back outside handing her one of his hoodies to place over her sweater.
"We don't need both Benson's sick," Olivia slipped on his hoodie as he sat beside her. She leaned against him as he wrapped his arms around her. Rafael slipped the hood over her head so that her head could keep warm. He took both her hands and enclosed them with his.
"You warm enough?" He asked as she nodded leaning her forehead against his jaw.
"We could go inside you know. There's a perfectly good fireplace in there." He suggested as she shook her head.
"I like it out here. With you."
"I will still be with you inside." He promised.
"I know, but let's just stay here a little longer."