"What! I don't like Kyle!" Stan defended, his face turning red.
Kenny scoffed. "Dude, don't even lie about it. You're head over heels for him."
"We saw the way you were texting him last night and we also see the way you look at him. You obviously like him." Marjorine said.
"Stan, it's okay that you like him. Kyle would be flattered honestly." Tweek said.
"I don't even know if he's gay!" Stan said.
"Stan. Kyle has a one hour long skincare routine and a three hour hair routine. He's gay, we promise. And," Tweek paused. "We really shouldn't be telling you this... but Kyle's last relationship was with a dude."
"It was? Why didn't he tell me?" Stan asked.
"We don't talk about his last relationship. If Kyle wants to say something about it, then he will. It's not our place." Marjorine said.
Stan sighed with relief. At least he had a chance.
"It's just.. I can't risk losing him. He makes me so happy, I don't even have to take my depression meds when I'm around him. He's just so perfect." He explained.
"Stan, Kyle wouldn't leave you just because you like him. Like I said, wether he wants to date you or not, he'll still be flattered." Tweek said.
"Come on, dude. It'll be worth it." Kenny spoke up.
Stan sat there contemplating what to do next.
He sighed. "Fine. I'll tell him this weekend, how about it?"
Kenny wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Sounds good to me."
All was silent until Kyle returned to his seat.
"I just ran into the biggest asshole I've ever met." He grumbled.
"Let me guess. Short, chubby, and did he have a weird accent?" Kenny said. He and Stan knew exactly who Kyle was talking about.
"Yes he did. How'd you know?" Kyle asked.
"That asshole is Eric Cartman. He's the jerk that Kenny threw firecrackers on a couple year ago." Stan explained.
Kenny burst out laughing. "Oh man, I forgot about that! That was awesome!"
"You threw firecrackers on him? Oh goodness!" Marjorine exclaimed. "Why?"
Kenny paused. "He told a teacher I was smoking weed in the bathroom at school. I was pissed."
"Isn't that against the rules though?" Marjorine asked.
"Yes it is, but freshman year was a rough year for everyone. I needed a break and the older kids roped me into it." Kenny explained. "And Cartman is just an asshole. I've had plenty of reasons to throw firecrackers on him in the past."
"What did he do?" Stan asked Kyle.
"The fatass ran into me as I was leaving. He told me to move, so I told him to watch his mouth. He said, 'Aren't you that nerd helping Stan with his homework?' And I told him it was none of his business. He then told me that I looked like I suck dick? What kind of sentence is that?! And I got mad and told him to fuck off. He finally got out of my way after that." Kyle explained while stabbing a bit of his food with his fork.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. He's got a sick, twisted sense of humor and he holds grudges real easily." Stan said.
"If he ever tries to talk to me again I might just throw firecrackers on him. Have any extra, Kenny?" Kyle asked.
"I may have a few in my truck." Kenny responded.
"Hey Tweek." Craig's monotone voice spoke, scaring Tweek.
"Gah! Oh Craig, you startled me!" Tweek exclaimed and scooted over so Craig could sit down.
"I saw you guys having fun over here and wanted to join. You mind?" Craig said and sat down.
"No, no! We don't mind." Tweek said, his face flushed red.
Tweek introduced him to Kyle and Marjorine, and the six immediately clicked. Kenny and Craig gave their crazy school stories and the three listened, intrigued by the different experiences.
"...So that's the story oh how I was made fun of since elementary school because of my teeth." Craig said. He and Tweek were sitting very close at that point, looking into each other's eyes.
"Your teeth don't look bad now." Tweek said.
"Oh, they used to be bad. He didn't smile for about two years, even for picture day." Kenny said. "You couldn't get any girls with teeth like that."
"Well it's a good thing I'm not into girls." Craig said and looked at Tweek. The blonde boy smiled and looked at him shyly.
"Oh, you two have it bad for each other." Kenny said.
"So what if I do? Are you jealous?" Craig said, wrapping an arm around Tweek.
Tweek didn't know what to do except twitch in surprise.
"Trust me, I'm not. I'm not for all that mushy stuff." Kenny said and crossed him arms. Stan knew it was a lie.
Marjorine gasped, looking at her phone. Everyone turned their heads to her.
"Oh, hamburgers! My curfew! It's in ten minutes!" She exclaimed. She stood up and flipped through her purse for her money.
"It's alright, Marj. I think we're done here, too." Kyle said and stood up.
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. I have to work tomorrow." Tweek said.
"Same time, eight to eleven?" Craig asked.
Tweek nodded.
"I'll see you then." Craig said and winked at him before walking back to his original table.
Tweek grinned and stood up from his seat.
"Can I have everyone's money, please? I'll go up there and pay for all of our tickets." Marjorine said.
Tweek handed her a twenty, and Kyle tried to give her his card. Stan put his hand down and tried to give her his instead.
"Stan, I'm paying for your food." Kyle said.
"No you aren't. You paid for coffee yesterday. It's my turn." Stan argued.
"Stan, please. I'll feel bad about it." Kyle said and put on a fake pouty face.
"I'll feel bad if you pay for everything."
"Dude, you're letting me stay with you in your home. Let me pay." Kyle said.
He gasped when Stan snatched his card away and gave Marjorine his. He held the card in between his fingers.
"Can't pay if you don't have it." Stan said with a smug expression.
"Guys! We don't have all night to argue about this. Come on!" Tweek said. Marjorine had already walked off with Kenny following her close behind.
Kyle groaned in defeat. "Fine you jerk. I'm only letting you get away with this once."
"Highly unlikely." Stan said and laughed when Kyle playfully punched his shoulder.
After Marj had payed for their food, they all walked outside.
As they were walking outside the door, Stan felt Tweek come up beside him.
"Man, you two even argue like a couple." Tweek whispered to him.
Before Stan could respond, Tweek was ahead of him, walking off.
"Bye you guys! I'm going to go take a good nap." Tweek said and waved goodbye as he walked to his car.
"Can I walk you to your car, Marjorine?" Kenny asked.
Marjorine giggled. "Sure! And you can call me Marj, it's what my friends call me." She said. Stan watched them walk off to the opposite end of the parking lot.
"Keep an eye on them, please." Kyle asked.
"Trust me, I am." Stan said. "I trust Kenny and all, but he can be a bit unpredictable around girls."
Stan watched them say a few more things to one another. Couldn't see Kenny's face, but Marj was smiling and laughing like the happiest thing on earth. It wasn't long before they waved goodbye and Marj got in her car while Kenny walked back inside.
"Alright, we're in the clear." Stan said and the two started up the truck and went home.
"I can't believe it. Kenny likes Marj." Kyle said.
"We don't know that for sure. Kenny likes girls, but he doesn't like like them. If they're there for sex, sure, but if they want to start a relationship, Kenny's out of there like a bat outta hell." Stan recalled. He's seen so many girls shed tears because the slut of the school wouldn't go out on a date with them.
"He likes being free, I can tell. I'm just worried about what he'll try to do with Marj." Kyle said. "She's extremely innocent. Her parents didn't even give her the talk; me and Tweek did. She still didn't really understand it. I don't want her to be taken advantage of."
Stan could've sworn he heard Kyle murmur something under his breath.
"I understand. Kenny's my best friend, and I have no problem putting him in his place if he does try anything. I promise, Kyle." Stan said.
Kyle looked upset. "Alright, I believe you, Stan."
"Are you okay?" Stan asked.
"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm good. Never better." Kyle said and erased his upset face into a blank one.
"Okay. I'm just making sure." Stan said. He paused.
"Kyle, you know you can tell me anything. I won't tell a soul." Stan said.
"I know, Stan. There are some things I want to talk to you about, but, I'm just not ready yet." Kyle explained.
Stan's heart raced, trying to figure out what he was implying. "Take your time. I'll be here when you need me."
Marjorine quickly walked inside her home with a big smile on her face.
"Hi, sweetie! Did you have a fun time?" Linda Stotch called from the kitchen. Marjorine followed the sound of her mother's voice.
Linda was washing dishes and Stephen Stotch was reading a newspaper at the table.
"Oh, I did! It was so much fun! Kyle has a new friend, and his name is Stan! He's very nice." Marjorine explained as she sat down beside her father.
"Stan? Oh, you're talking about Randy's boy." Stephen said without looking up from his newspaper.
"I also met the boy Tweek is crushing on. He's very stoic but he seems pretty nice." She explained. "His name is Craig."
"The Tucker boy, I know his dad pretty well." Stephen once again replied without looking up from his reading.
"Sound like your little friend group is finally expanding after sixteen years! How wonderful." Linda said.
"Oh! I also met another boy. He asked for my number." Marjorine explained.
That was when Stephen broke concentration, looking up at his daughter.
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah! He's really sweet though. His name is Kenny!" Marjorine said with a big smile.
Stephen and Linda were quiet.
"He asked for your number now, did he? Did you give it to him?" Linda asked nervously.
"Of course! I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Marjorine explained.
"Kenny. Kenny McCormick. Stuart McCormick's son... asked you for your number." Stephen processed.
"Did I do something wrong?" Marjorine asked softly, her excitement fading.
"No, sweetheart, it's just that.. well.." Linda began.
"I've heard some pretty bad rumors about the McCormick boys, that's all. You did nothing wrong, Marj." Stephen said. "I just don't want you to get hurt, or get roped into doing something bad."
"Oh, don't worry, Dad. Kenny was just being friendly. I promise I won't do anything with him." Marjorine promised.
Stephen and Linda exchanged uncertain looks.
"Alright, Buttercup, we trust you." Stephen said.
Once Marjorine was out of the room, Stephen pinched the bridge of his nose.
"This is what I get for having a pretty daughter." He said.
"Stephen, I'm worried." Linda said. "You know how she is! She's so innocent and naive, I don't want her heart to get played with."
"I know, Linda, I know. How about this: we ask Kyle and Tweek to keep an extra eye out on her. They'll keep her straight, they always have." Stephen reasoned.
"But what if they get together? Marj has never dated anyone! What if he takes advantage of her?" Linda contemplated.
"Don't worry, Linda. The boy will have to get through me if he wants her." Stephen said and ruffled his newspaper before continuing to read, but the thought of his one and only daughter even talking to a boy plagued his mind with unhappy feelings.
Kyle sighed when they walked into Stan's house.
"I need a shower. I feel disgusting." He said.
"You took one this morning, didn't you?" Stan asked.
"I did, but worrying makes me sweat. I don't like sweat, it's gross." Kyle said.
"Alright, go get a shower you clean-freak." Stan said.
Kyle walked up the stairs and Stan went into the kitchen for a drink.
He went into the bottom of the fridge to find one of Randy's beers. He popped open the lid and chugged it.
"Just one. If I get drunk I might say something to Kyle he won't like... or he'll just get mad at me and leave like Wendy." He thought.
A knock on the door made him jump. He hid the bottle behind the paper towel dispenser, just in case it was an adult, and walked to the door.
He opened it to find Kenny.
"Oh, hey dude. What are you doing here?" Stan asked, then he noticed the look on Kenny's face. It was an expression he'd never seen before.
"Oh, man. I'm in trouble. I'm in deeep trouble, Stan." Kenny said as he walked inside.
Stan quickly went to grab his beer and found Kenny in the living room, lying down on the couch.
"What is it? What happened?" Stan asked, panicking about what Kenny could do in literally twenty minutes since he last saw him.
"Stan, you were there. You saw me! Well, you weren't outside when it happened but you saw the aftermath!" Kenny ranted.
"Kenny! Calm down, what the hell are you talking about?" Stan exclaimed.
"Marjorine, Stan. Little Miss Marjorine Stotch." Kenny said, staring at the ceiling.
"Oh, Kenny. I meant to talk to you about that. Marjorine isn't that type of girl." Stan said.
"Im not talking about her because I want to fuck her." Kenny snapped. He looked at Stan with desperate eyes.
"Stan, she gives me butterflies. She makes me blush, and when she laughs I get all fuzzy inside. Stan, don't you get it?" He said.
"Oh, gosh. Kenny, do you like like her?" Stan asked with wide eyes.
"I don't like like her, Stan. I'm in love with her." Kenny breathed.
"Kenny, you just met her. You barely know anything about her."
"Stan, look at me. I know what I'm feeling. It was love at first sight... her beautiful golden hair to her wide, precious baby blue eyes to her adorable smile... I'm head over heels..." Kenny said dreamily. "And the problem is I don't know how to handle it!"
"Calm down, Kenny." Stan consoled.
"You're the only person I can trust right with this. My family won't understand, our other friends will just make fun of me, and you're the only person who has ever been considered 'in love' before. I'm a slut! I'm supposed to make love, not be in it!" Kenny stated, obviously distressed.
"Let's wait until Kyle gets out of the shower, he'll know what to do. He's known Marj his whole life." Stan explained.
"Wait for me for what?" Kyle said as he walked into the living room dressed in Stan's clothes and had a towel hanging off his neck.
Stan swooned at the sight. Kyle's hair got darker when it was wet, and looked so shiny and bouncy.
"Why's Kenny here?" He asked.
Kenny sat up. "Kyle, dude, you've got to help me."
"Let me guess.. is it about Marj?" Kyle asked.
"I'm in love with her! Kyle, she's the most perfect girl I've ever met! She's got this vibe to her... it makes me want to protect and love her.." Kenny explained. "I don't know how to handle it, it's such an overwhelming feeling.."
"So you don't want to have sex with her?" Kyle asked.
"Jeez, why is that the first thing everybody assumes of me?" Kenny said.
"From experience." Stan said.
"Okay, okay. We get it. What do you need from us?" Kyle asked.
"I want to know everything about her! What she likes, what she doesn't, what kind of dudes she into, what her parents are like.. everything." Kenny said.
"...You want to know everything, hmm?" Kyle asked. He sat down next to Kenny while Stan sat in a recliner next to the couch.
"Yes!" Kenny said.
"Well, first of all, this girl, that you are soooo in love with.." Kyle gave a dramatic pause.
"...isn't even a girl."
Kenny was dead silent.
"Huh?" He said.
"Marjorine is trans, Kenny." Stan interjected.
"She.. she is?" Kenny asked dumbfounded.
"Yep." Kyle said, popping his lips.
"That... that's actually... perfect!" Kenny exclaimed.
"What!" Stan yelled. "Kenny she's a dude! I thought you were straight!"
"Stan, like I said before, you obviously don't know what I'll do for money." Kenny said.
"You've fucked a dude before?" Stan asked.
"Not a dude, dudes. Plural." Kenny said.
"How in this situation is Marj being a dude perfect?" Kyle asked.
"It's simple. I don't have to worry about getting her pregnant." Kenny said.
"Kenny!" Kyle exclaimed.
"I'm obviously going to wait for her to have sex. I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to." Kenny defended.
"So please, can you help me, Kyle?" Kenny pleaded.
Kyle sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you what you need to know."