A/N: Just adding a little disclaimer here :) Most of the scenes/dialogue in Edward's POV are directly from the New Moon novel. I wanted to show some of those events from his perspective. I went into this story wanting it to line up with some canon material. Enjoy!

….

Earthshine

Chapter XXI

"September 13th"

…

"She told me shading made everything more beautiful, but I don't see it at all. I'm more deranged than before. Standing in paints as it pools on the ground…witnessing everything melting around until I drown." - Jacob Lee

…

[Vitalia]

I was lying on my bed listening to Eddie's CD for the fiftieth time, smiling and reliving the moment he'd first played my song for me. I'd been so happy when I walked out my door the other evening and saw the pretty, metallic blue wrapped gift.

Just knowing he'd been there made me feel all excited, even if he had been creeping around, not even bothering to let anyone know he had been there. I'd had to laugh a little at that. Of course he was a drop-and-run kind of gifter.

But even if I couldn't see him, it was nice to know we still had a solid connection. I was feeling kind of optimistic because some part of me felt that maybe I might get to talk to him at least one more time. Someday, maybe a long time from now, I was determined that I would see Edward Cullen again before I left this world behind me.

Rolling over, I reached for one of the many stuffed animals surrounding me. I was a collector of sorts. I just couldn't resist the soft, adorable plushies.

I held up the cougar, remembering that Eddie had said his favorite animals to hunt were the mountain lions around here. It made sense to me. They were lean and fast and dangerous, in the same way that he was. They liked to stalk around too.

I tossed the plush into the air then held it close to me, wrapping my arms around it as my song came to a close.

The next one started, one I didn't recognize, but it was pretty and sweet. Maybe it was an official classic song, I didn't know. I didn't recognize most of these, but some were familiar. Classic compositions that were in some of the movies I watched.

I felt myself start to drift off to the melodies. They were so slow they made me feel sleepy. It didn't help that I had some chamomile and vanilla essential oils drifting out of the diffuser my mom had put in my room — it was something to help settle me enough to go to sleep. My mind was so active and my body so restless, it made relaxing difficult sometimes.

I had almost completely dozed off when I felt myself jerk awake at the sound of a knock at the front door. My brows creased and I slowly sat up. I heard voices down the hall and grinned when I recognized the booming voice of Emmett. Were they back?! Excitedly, I threw off my covers and dashed out the door and down the hall.

I saw my mom standing there in the kitchen with Emmett, Rosie and Tex. They all looked at me as I ran to them.

"You're here!" I exclaimed.

Emmett laughed. "We are. Special occasion, so we cut the trip short."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "It's Bella's birthday. Alice has a whole thing planned."

"Which Bella's going to hate." Tex chuckled. "She's not big on birthdays. Or parties in general."

"Why not?" I asked curiously. Birthdays were fun.

"…it's complicated." Rosie answered, a strange, resentful look on her face.

"She's also just shy." Jasper offered. "Birthdays make a person the center of attention."

"Poor girl," my mom offered kindly before moving to the kitchen.

"It'll be funny." Emmett chuckled. "Can't wait for her to open our gift." He indicated himself, Rosie and Jasper. "Got her a stereo for her truck!"

"That's an awesome gift!"

"Yeah, we had to come back so I could see the look on her face."

"You're ridiculous." Rosalie rolled her eyes, but smiled at him fondly.

"Would anyone like coffee or tea?" My mom called as she set a pot of water onto the stove.

"Coffee please!" I answered.

"I meant our guests, Vitalia." She chuckled and gave me a little shake of her head.

Each one of them declined. I kind of guessed they would too. Eddie was the only one who ever took mom up on her offers, and even then I felt like he only did it to be polite.

I turned and bounced into the kitchen to make my coffee. My mom put a hand over mine with a smile and took the bag of ground beans from me. "I was just giving you a hard time. Go and hang out with your friends. I'll make it."

I grinned at her brightly, kissed her cheek, then walked back to the living area, where I plopped onto the couch and pulled a pillow into my lap.

"So how was Africa?" I asked Rose and Emmy.

They grasped hands and moved to join me on the couch, while Jasper hung back near the door. He didn't look the most comfortable standing in here, but I was glad he came. It was nice to see him.

"It was great," Emmert grinned. "Lots of good hunting down there."

"The scenery was beautiful too. The sunsets are incredible." Rosalie smiled. "And I just adore their fabrics with all of their colorful patterns. I brought a lot of fabrics home for Alice to work with."

"Should keep her busy for a little while." Jasper chuckled.

I laughed too, then fixed my smile on the couple next to me. "It sounds so cool. I'd love to see it someday."

"You will," Rosalie answered. "You can make it happen."

"Just don't get eaten by the lions." Emmett warned.

"I'll try!" I gave him a thumbs up. "I'll make sure to bring a weapon."

Rosalie was reminded of something on their trip and she turned to reminiscence with her man. Something about the weapons the tribes used to hunt down their food. Apparently it was very efficient. I sat back and listened to them, enjoying their excitement.

Jasper came over and carefully sat in the chair near the wood stove, keeping at a comfortable distance. He looked at me intently.

"So how have you been? You know, after the whole Edward thing?"

I sighed before nodding. "I've been good. You know, finding ways to keep myself entertained. I miss him though." My eyes lowered to the pillow. "I miss him a lot."

Jasper gave me a little smile and then Rose, who had stopped talking to Emmett, clicked her tongue.

"He's a moron."

I looked up at her quickly and shook my head. "No, no. I was completely on board with the decision. Really. I understand why it bothered Bella. If he was my boyfriend, it might bother me too."

My heart jumped at the implication and I looked away from the three of them. Somehow, I weirdly felt like they knew exactly how I'd reacted.

Mom came from the kitchen and handed me my coffee. I thanked her and blew into the scalding liquid. I took a careful sip then looked at Tex again.

"So what have you been up to?"

"Just college stuff." He answered.

"Oh, you're in college now?! That's neat. What are you studying?"

"Philosophy."

"Oh wow. Why'd you decide to go for that?"

He looked out the window while he thought. After a moment, he glanced at me again. "I'm curious about the big questions. I want to really analyze the deeper, complex things in life. Figure out what's really behind it all and explore all the mysteries of existence."

My brows shot up. Jasper was pretty intelligent, wasn't he? He had one of those analytical minds. "I like that. That's a cool ambition."

He returned my smile. "I'll try and let you know what I find out. Maybe one day when you're off writing about all your travels? Edward told me that's what you want to do."

"Yep!" I liked that idea. I liked thinking I could continue to talk with all of them.

"Also a cool ambition." He nodded. There was a brief silence before he smiled again. "He misses you too, you know."

"I know." I nodded and returned the smile.

"Yeah," Emmett added. "You should've seen the look on his face when we told him we were dropping by to see you."

"Ah, he isn't too sad, is he?" I asked, brows creasing at the thought of him feeling badly about all this.

"He's fine." Rosalie answered. "He's got Bella and she basically makes him forget about everything else."

I only nodded, unsure whether that was a good thing or not.

They hung for a little while longer then Jasper stood. "Well, we should get going. Promised Alice we'd start setting up while she's in school."

"Okay, yeah." I grinned and walked them to the door. "Have fun at the party! It was greeting seeing all of you."

"You too," Rosie answered. "We'll stop by again soon."

"You have two weeks left?" Emmett asked.

"Yep." I felt so torn about that too. I loved my home, but I was really going to miss everyone here.

I waved as they walked away before sighing and leaning my head against the doorframe. I hoped Bella ended up liking her party. They all seemed so excited about it. I was sure Edward was pretty excited for her too. I would tell him to wish her happy birthday, but she probably wouldn't appreciate hearing from me like that.

Oh well, I thought as my eyes lifted to the cloudy sky. Huh. Those clouds look a little ominous today. As I stared up at them, they started to sprinkle rain and I shivered as the temperature dropped before I stepped back and closed the door.

[Edward]

"She's coming!" Alice bounced up and down beside me with a grin. She clutched the little silver present between her hands tighter as she eagerly looked to the entrance of the student parking lot. I smiled at her but shook my head. I just didn't see Bella sharing my sister's exuberance.

I leaned against my car and waited patiently as I heard Bella's behemoth of a truck roar down the street. I saw her dark eyes drift over Alice and I, before they fell to the present Alice held. She frowned and I withheld a sigh. She wasn't pleased.

Bella stepped out and slammed the door of her truck — I watched in amusement as pieces of rust drifted down to the cement. Alice rushed to greet her, but I hung back, giving them a moment together. My sister was positively radiating eagerness.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" She gushed.

"Shhh!" Bella immediately answered, eyes drifting around nervously.

She was being absolutely absurd about this entire thing. I couldn't understand her aversion to this wonderful day. It was a day to celebrate her life. To celebrate the miracle of her existence. It was the most important of all days to me!

I watched as Alice tried to offer her the silver present, but Bella immediately refused. My sister, undettered, decided to try again later. They made their way to me and I reached out my hand to take my beloved's. The feel of it held in mine always filled me with an electric jolt. I squeezed Bella's hand gently and listened as her heart started to beat rapidly in response. There was always a sense of satisfaction I felt in that. I smiled down at her, enjoying how easily I could shift her mood into a happier one.

I lifted my other hand and traced a finger around her mouth. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct."

"Just checking." I'd hoped I could help her enjoy it. Even a little. I ran my hand through my untameable hair. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

I heard Alice laugh as she watched us. Nice try, Edward. But don't worry! Once she sees what I've arranged, she'll get into the spirit.

I gave my sister a bemused look. For as much as she saw of the future, I felt there was a lot she overlooked. Such as the fact that Bella was not, in fact, tempted by fancy parties.

"Of course you'll enjoy it." Alice said to Bella, seemingly unaware of how Bella was actually feeling about all of this. "Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

Honestly, no one cared as much about getting their own way as Alice.

"Getting older." Bella answered.

I fought to keep my smile in place, but it was forced. Here we go again. I hated to hear how meaningless her humanity had become to her. It reminded me again that I was ruining things for her.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice argued. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward."

I sighed loudly. Why? Why couldn't she see what a gift her ageing was? She was measuring the worth of her years by my own unnatural life.

"What time will you be at the house?" Alice switched topics. I was glad she had too. I couldn't bear to hear Bella complain about getting to experience an extra year of life.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there." Bella answered suspiciously.

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice all but stomped her foot petulantly. If I wasn't on her side, I might've found her struggle to bend Bella to her will amusing. "You aren't going to ruin all of our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what I want."

I decided to skip the dramatics and move past the power struggle here. Alice always won Bella over eventually. "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school." I assured my sister.

"I have to work." Bella tried again.

So stubborn! Alice thought before countering her. "You don't, actually. I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

Alice really would move Heaven and earth to get what she wanted. She'd thought of everything.

"I-I still can't come over." Bella struggled to think of another excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

Oh, please, I know you and Edward have been reading it together. Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it — that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. This was getting ridiculous. She was really grasping at whatever she could now. How long would Alice let this go on before she put her little foot down?

"You've already seen the movie." Alice continued.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

If she was going to go along with everything Mr. Berty said, maybe he was the one I needed to recruit to help Bella appreciate her mortality. Apparently the man held a lot of weight in her book.

Alice's smile fell and she looked at Bella with a glare.

There it is, I mused.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other —"

I decided to insert myself then, hoping to put an end to their bickering with a compromise. Even if I was siding with my sister, I didn't like watching her push Bella around. I was a little fed up with her pushiness in general. I still hadn't entirely let her interference with Vitalia and I go. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there." Bella said smugly.

Oh no, you aren't entirely getting your way either. I thought before continuing to Alice. "I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up."

Alice laughed, perking up at once. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned and kissed Bella's cheek before dancing away to her Physics class. Thanks, Edward!

"Edward, please —" Bella implored before I lifted my finger to her lips to silence her. I ignored the velvety feel of them for a moment.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

Fortunately she complied and we made our way to the classroom silently. I made sure not to bring up her birthday again and informed Alice to do the same when we sat in our advanced math class together. I wanted to at least get through the school day without having to argue the entire time.

I told Alice to take my car home with her when she saw that Bella would attempt to leave us both behind in another effort to escape going to the party. I decided to drive her home in her truck and spend the afternoon with her, just to make sure she didn't try to hide out somewhere. I was surprised she was going to such lengths over this!

I lifted a hand over my eyes and winced. I tried to ignore how Bella's opinion was stabbing at me, but it was difficult. It was all a very vivid reminder of what I was doing to her. I sighed and lowered my hand, eyes shifting to the window. I reached for my phone and scrolled through Vitalia's texts, wishing I could ask her input on all of this. More than that, I wished she could give Bella some advice. Some encouragement. Some appreciation for this day.

I knew that, if I weren't here, Bella would be enjoying her birthday. She'd probably have a little party with Charlie. Or with her school friends. She might still feel strangely about accepting gifts, but I felt that she would accept them. There would be no perceived imbalance there.

After school, I walked beside her through the rain, glancing over to see if there'd been any change at all. Couldn't she enjoy this a tiny, fraction, of an amount?

I opened the passenger door for her then looked up at her expectantly. She, however, stood there obstinately, jacket getting soaked in the downpour. She crossed her arms. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"

There had been no change, it seemed. "Alright," I answered without missing a beat. I moved past her and opened the driver's door. "Happy birthday."

"Shh," she hushed me before climing in. Her tone was slightly amused, so maybe I was making progress?

I hid a smile then joined her in the cab. We drove to her house and, once we arrived, I kissed her, hoping it would help her feel more optimistic about the coming celebration. She was delighted for the moment, as always, but I had to wonder how long it would last.

We settled in to watch Romeo and Juliet and our commentary eventually led to what my plans were if and when Bella's fragile life ended. I watched the double suicide taking place on the screen and felt rather envious of the ease in which Romeo was able to end the tragedy of living without Juliet. I voiced as much to Bella and continued to explain how I would provoke the Volturi in the event of her death — something which nearly always merited the death penalty.

Bella seemed infuriated with the idea though. She adamantly ordered me never to do anything to hurt myself, but I felt confused. Didn't she understand that I couldn't possibly live without her? The very thought was absurd!

But then she turned it around on me and I wavered in my resolve.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?"

I couldn't help the expression of agony that crossed my face at the thought. Of course I wouldn't want that. I wasn't worth it.

I felt the weight of Vitalia's bracelet in my pocket then. It was calling out to me, rebuking me. With her beautiful outlook on living, suicide was completely out of the question, even for someone as worthless as me. Her bright view of me assured me that she would be objecting to my plan too.

"I guess I see your point…a little." I paused before desperation entered my voice. "But what would I do without you?"

I could scarcely imagine it.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

Complicated indeed. I sighed. "You make that sound so easy." How could I just go back when she'd changed everything else about my existence so unalterably?

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

It was insane that she could think that, but I decided not to argue. It was pointless anyway. If things went how they should, she would already have died, after living a long, fulfilled life without me, before I had to consider this again.

After Charlie got home and gifted Bella the camera he and her mother had gotten her — the first picture she took being of me — we headed out to her truck. She got into the passenger seat this time and I took the driver's side, though my eagerness to drive quickly faded when I remembered just how very slow her vehicle was. I pushed it as fast as I could, though it barely made it to fifty. It was like nails on a chalkboard to me, being stuck at this speed.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked as we neared my house.

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed then looked to her intently, deciding to use a different tactic. Honesty and vulnerability. I hoped it helped. I would ask her to consider the people throwing this party. She would be much more inclined to play nice about it if she wasn't doing this for herself.

"Bella," I started softly. "The last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

Her eyes widened a little and it finally appeared that I'd broken through her stubbornness.

"Fine, I'll behave." She answered, still looking thrown by my admission.

Mentioning Emmett reminded me of something I had yet to inform her of. I hoped it wouldn't ruin this tentative truce we'd just established. "I probably should warn you…"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them."

"Everyone?" Her voice broke. She'd picked up what I meant instantly. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But…Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

I watched her get lost in her thoughts and was frustrated for the thousandth time that I could not hear them. The curiosity I often felt was maddening. She didn't often volunteer much either.

I decided to distract myself as my own thoughts turned to Ememtt and Rose again. Specifically, I wondered how their visit with Vitalia had gone this morning. It was the very first thing Rose had wanted to do once they'd gotten back. Watching them leave with Jasper to go see the girl had me wishing once again that I could go with them. It had been stronger this time too, as the more time passed, the more I longed to see her. But I had forced that longing aside and dutifully stood by my promise to Bella.

I hoped the visit had lifted Rosalie's spirits. I was counting on that. Seeing Vitalia usually helped.

I glanced at Bella then back out the window. I decided to start a new topic. I'd offered to get a new car for her several times, so I referenced that. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

I meant it as a tease but a very serious expression crossed Bella's face. I tensed as I recognized it, knowing before she'd spoken what it meant. I'd unfortunately been seeing that expression a lot lately.

"You know what I want." She whispered.

I should have kept talking about Rose, I thought to myself as I gave her a troubled look. Her words ripped through me and I had to look away from the intense expression she was giving me.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please." Not tonight. Not ever. I silently implored her to never ask me for this again.

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

I couldn't help the warning growl that escaped me as I gripped the steering wheel tighter and pushed the engine of the truck harder as I pressed the gas pedal to the floor. The speedometer barely climbed to sixty. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella."

"That's not fair!"

My teeth snapped together as I kept myself from spewing the fiery words that threatened to escape. I didn't want to unleash my anger on her. I was mostly angry with myself, of course, for inspiring such unnatural desires. My meeting her was unfair. Unfair to her. She deserved so much more than this.

I was quiet as I let the fire spread through me and I gripped the bracelet in my pocket tightly as I breathed out evenly. I focused on all the sensations around me, grounding myself in the moment. I continued to breathe in and out as I parked, feeling every particle of breath until I was calm again.

I heard Bella groan as she eyed the elaborate decorations outside of the house.

"This is a party. Try to be a good sport." I was glad my voice was measured and even again. I released my hold on Vitalia's memento.

"Sure."

I stepped out of the car, glancing at the softly glowing Japanese lanterns strung in the trees. I liked the hazy, warm effect they had.

I held my hand out for Bella as I opened the passenger door.

"I have a question." She started.

My breath caught and I felt myself stiffen in apprehension. I eyed her warily, wondering what it was she wanted to say now.

"If I develop this film," she rolled her camera between her hands thoughtfully, "will you show up in the picture?"

I started laughing. It was less that I found her question funny and more that I was so relieved that she was finally letting both the birthday and immortality complaints go. For now anyway.

I held her hand and walked her to the house, still laughing as I felt myself relax further. Maybe Alice was right. Maybe Bella would end up enjoying her party.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" My family all shouted as we walked in. Every single one of them were waiting in the spacious living room.

Bella blushed, the rosy pink as lovely as ever. I smiled down at her then directed my gaze at the pleased expressions on each of my family members' faces. I was glad that they'd all managed to put their disagreements aside for now. They each genuinely wanted to celebrate Bella with me.

Great job getting her here, Alice winked at me.

I wish she wouldn't look so horrified by all this, Rose was thinking with a shake of her head.

I gazed around at all of the pink and had to admit that it was a little horrifying. I wrapped a supportive arm around Bella's waist and kissed her head, appreciating that she was holding up her promise to try and get through this willingly.

Poor Bella. This is a bit much. Carlisle was thinking, instinctively picking up on Bella's discomfort.

Oh dear, my mother thought as she hugged Bella tenderly and kissed her forehead. She's so sweet for putting up with this.

Carlisle wrapped an arm around Bella's shoulders and squeezed her gently. He lowered his voice and smirked good-naturedly. "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

Emmett laughed as he observed Bella's blush. As red-faced as ever, isn't she? I'd love to hang out here, but I've got a stereo to install. "I have to step out for a second —" he winked at Alice before he looked at Bella again — "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

Alice stepped up to Bella with a brilliant, excited grin and Jasper watched them both with a fond smile of his own. He stood a careful distance away though, making sure not to breathe in too deeply. The scent of Bella's blood was difficult for him because he could feel my own strong desire for it. I appreciated his caution. Even if the draw was only a fraction of my own, he was significantly less disciplined.

Okay, I can't wait any longer. "Time to open presents," Alice stated, taking charge. She reached out and led Bella over to the small table they'd set up with gifts and a pink frosted cake.

I watched as Bella put on a brave face. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything—"

"But I didn't listen," Alice announced, looking very pleased with herself. "Open it." She reached out and quickly swiped Bella's camera out of her hands before replacing it with the large wrapped box the stereo had come in.

This is going to be hilarious. Japser was thinking as he fought a smile.

Alice is bossier than usual today, isn't she? My mother observed her exchange with Bella before glancing at me.

I only shrugged. It wasn't very surprising. Alice was a little dictator.

I returned my attention to Bella as she opened the gift and looked down at the light, empty stereo box in confusion. Her brows drew together before she looked up and directed a bemused expression between Rosalie and Jasper. "Um…thanks."

Her reaction actually earned an amused smile from Rosalie. Okay, I thought this would be a stupid idea, but the look on her face is priceless.

Jasper laughed, eyes twinkling merrily. "It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

We all know you would, he silently added.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said politely, seeming unable to help feeling grateful for their gift. She even grinned as she shouted in the direction of the door. "Thanks, Emmett!"

He answered with his loud, boisterous laugh. Best birthday gift delivery ever! She can't even help but love it.

Bella laughed at the sound of his cheer and I felt my chest lift at the sound. I could hardly believe it. Alice had been right. I exchanged a glance with my sister, who stared at me knowingly.

I'm always right. She told me.

I breathed out and allowed the warmth of this moment to flood me. Standing here with Bella and my family, all tension eased, made me feel hopeful in a way I rarely allowed myself to be.

Maybe. Maybe things could actually work out. For awhile anyway. Here Bella was, standing in a room of vampires, and it was going smoothly. It very nearly felt like an ordinary family gathering.

Was I overreacting? Could Bella learn to appreciate her mortal life, even with me here?

Maybe you're wrong and you aren't as bad for her as you think. Vitalia's words rushed into my head and I embraced them desperately. I willed them to be true.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice ordered excitedly. She held out the wrapped CD to her and I smiled, sharing in my sister's excitement.

Jasper stepped closer, risking the proximity so he could fully appreciate Bella's reaction to the gift from Alice and I.

Bella, however, gave me a seething, betrayed glare. "You promised."

I opened my mouth to answer, but I heard Emmett's approach.

Hold up! I'm coming. He burst through the door with a large smirk. "Just in time!" He squeezed himself in behind Jasper, peering over his shoulder expectantly.

I shook my head at the pair of them then looked at Bella and brushed her hair away from her face to soothe her. I listened again to the satisfying stutter of her heart in response. "I didn't spend a dime."

Bella inhaled before turning to Alice with her hand outstretched. She sighed in defeat. "Give it to me."

Emmett chuckled to himself. She's going to love it. Bet after this, we're going to make her forget she ever hated birthdays.

I hoped so. I smiled in agreement with Emmett's thoughts.

Bella rolled her eyes at me, as if she knew what I was thinking, then slid her finger under the wrapping paper and forcefully jerked the tape up.

I stilled as the scent of her blood instantly permeated the room. I held my breath at once and struggled against the monstrous side of me that yearned to drain her of her life. It flared up as soon as the scent reached me.

"Shoot!" Bella hissed as she held up her finger and watched as a single drop of blood sprang from her wound. It wasn't much, but it was enough. It was enough to send all of my hopes from a moment ago tumbling into oblivion.

The shift was immediate. One by one, each member of my family processed the scent of fresh blood in the air. Nearly all of them were able to resist, but Jasper's thoughts had suddely turned instinctive and feral. His eyes shifted unto a focused, predatory stare and I saw his plan of attack. Jasper would kill her first, knowing he wouldn't have time to drink her dry if she was alive. He knew one of us would surely stop him.

Jasper! Alice exclaimed, looking horrified.

Edward, quickly! Carlisle thought.

Oh that scent, Emse thought guiltily. Wow…it's incredible.

She's mine. Jasper growled dangerously.

"No!" I didn't have time to counter him, only to try and get Bella out of the way. I didn't even have time to do that carefully, as I instead rushed to her, throwing myself at her and sending her crashing backwards into the table. It couldn't have been a worse trajectory, as she collapsed along with the table and landed in a pile of broken glass. I didn't see exactly how wounded she was as I quickly spun to counter Jasper, but the scent of her blood was suddenly a hundred times more potent. What had I done?

Oh no, I can hardly stand it! My poor mother thought miserably.

Jasper ran into me forcefully, continuing to growl menacingly. He tried to move me aside, snapping at me and at Bella, desperate to reach her and satisfy the raging desire he felt. If he was not so far gone, I was sure he might've managed a more effective strategy than this, but his mind was completely given over to the monster within.

Out of my way, Edward. I'll kill you if I have to! He threatened with a hiss.

I've got this. One sec! Emmett dashed forward and grabbed Jasper securely, effectively restraining him in his strong grip. You weren't kidding about her scent though. Wow!

Japser thrashed within Emmett's hold, vainly attempting to reach Bella still. His rabid, soulless eyes were locked on her. All trace of his humanity was gone.

Alright, let's assess the damage. Carlisle was thinking in his composed way. With Jasper restrained, he stepped forward and took charge.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Emmett nodded. "Come on, Jasper."

Jasper continued to struggle, but there was no escape from Emmett's vice-like grip. He turned and bit at Emmett, willing to go through just about anyone to get what he wanted.

I turned and crouched over Bella, not knowing if any of my other family members might try to harm her. I let out a threatening snarl, just daring any of them to cross me. Like Jasper, my mind had become somewhat unreasonable and all I could think about was defending Bella from all the threats around me. An almost animalistic possessiveness took me and it was intensified by my own desire for her blood — that part of me fiercely desired to protect her as her well, if only because her blood was mine for the taking. She was my prey.

I knew it. This was bound to happen. Rose thought smugly as she reached out to restrain Jasper's arms and help Emmett wrestle him out of the house. It was only a matter of time, Edward. This is what you've been so afraid of, right?

Esme, still struggling against her dark nature, looked apologetically at us. "I'm so sorry, Bella." She ducked her head and rushed out of the house.

I heard Carlisle approach and stand behind me carefully. He was the only one who had remained entirely unaffected by all ofnthis. How could I have ever thought I even remotely resembled him? The chasm between us was far too vast. "Let me by, Edward." He ordered in a soft, commanding voice. I need to examine her, son.

I closed my eyes, struggling to try and think clearly through the haze that had descended over me. Slowly, I nodded and relaxed, pushing myself to my knees.

Carlisle knelt at Bella's other side, thoughts analytical and clinical as he quickly determined that nature of the wounds and how best to mend them. He leaned close to her arm, still completely unfazed by the gaping gash. He appeared as human as any other doctor. I felt a rush of envy for his control and a deep revulsion towards myself. Here I was, feeling as intensely as Jasper the urge to kill the love of my life. I'd never seen such a stronger contrast between my father and the rest of us. Even Esme could barely stand to be in the room.

Alice was struggling too, but she chose to stay. Like me, her beastly nature was battling with her love for Bella. She wanted to be able to stand at her side and help her through this. "Here, Carlisle," she said, holding out a towel.

"Too much glass in the wound," he said with a shake of his head. I watched numbly as he made a tourniquet and twisted it around Bella's arm. He offered to bring her to the hospital but she unsurprisingly declined.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle told me.

I said nothing as I took her in my arms, wishing my hold could provide her with the security and comfort she deserved.

"How are you doing, Bella?" My father asked as he kept pressure on her arm.

"I'm fine." She answered, not even sounding shaken.

I knew she was trying to be brave, but inside she had to be terrified.

With a straight face, careful not to betray my raging feelings, I made my way into the dining room and set Bella carefully in a chair.

Alice was there already with Carlise's medical bag. My father wasted no time and immediately started to pull out the supplies he needed. He always worked quickly and efficiently.

I stared down at Bella, standing as close as I could. I was still wary though as my eyes darted around. I was ready to fend off whatever danger came for her next. It was laughable though. She was in just as much danger from me. More even! My family's thirst for her was far less intense than my own. It was getting harder with every second to stand near her.

"Just go, Edward." Bella sighed, seeming to know exactly how difficult this was for me.

"I can handle it," I answered through my teeth, still not breathing.

She continued stubbornly. "You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

I doubted myself for a second but then she winced and my resolve was renewed. "I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?"

I feel I need to step in here. Carlisle thought before adressing me without looking up from what he was doing. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." Please, he implored me silently. I'm worried about him.

"Yes. Go find Jasper." Bella urged me.

"You might as well do something useful," Alice gave her input. He needs you. Be gentle though, will you?

I glared, feeling my myself rebel against their united front. However, my reason was starting to break through my darker instincts.

I recognized first that I needed a second to step away from the situation and sort out what I was going to do. But, more than that, they were right. Japser was probably beating himself up right now and it wasn't right. I was the only one to blame. My actions had led both him and Bella into this situation. If I wasn't so selfish, this would never have happened. He shouldn't be suffering for my mistake.

I nodded once then moved swiftly out the kitchen door, taking a very deep inhale of clean air as soon as I was outside. I nearly gasped on it, the relief was so overwhelming. With it came a fresh surge of guilt and I winced. It threatened to drown me but I willed myself to stay above it for now. I had to keep a clear head. There would be plenty of time for drowning later.

I clasped my hand around the smooth leather of Vitalia's bracelet before focusing on the direction Jasper had gone. They'd taken him downwind, directly south by the river.

I ran through the trees, the evergreen fragrance and rain-scented breeze bringing me further clarity.

I found Jasper sitting at the water's edge, while Rose and Emmett hung back, their pristine skin vibrant in the moonlight.

Em and Rose looked at me, concerned expressions on their faces. They seemed to look me over carefully, but my own expression was a stony mask.

He won't talk to us, Emmett told me. But he's really hating on himself right now.

Rose didn't say anything, but she was silently blaming me for doing this to him. I nodded at her subtly, showing her she was perfectly right to do so.

My gaze flicked to my brother, who had his head held in his hand, a grimace on his face, and a closed fist coming down on the soft earth beneath him.

I can't. He was thinking. I can't do this. I can't be like them. I'll never measure up. I'm just a weak, pathetic excuse for a vampire.

Alice wasn't far behind now. Apparently she hadn't been able to withstand staying in the room with Bella either. She was making her way through the trees and I took purposeful steps towards Jasper. I eased myself down beside him and looked out over the dark, gleaming water.

I breathed in as I tried to collect my thoughts then picked up a handful of grass, much as I'd done the night I'd surprised Vitalia at her campsite. "Don't blame yourself." My voice was rigid. It was a fragile gate holding back the onslaught of feelings waiting to devour me.

Jasper was silent before he huffed and lowered his hand, resting it over his raised knee. What'd you mean? I've ruined the party. I'm just a monster. I don't think I can ever be as controlled as any of you. No one else reacted the way I did. Bella's probably terrified of me now. He laughed humorlessly. I thought I was doing so well. Who was I even kidding? I haven't changed at all.

I couldn't bring myself to disagree with all he was saying. Some of the words mirrored the way I felt about myself. I sighed and lifted a hand to his shoulder. " I'm the one to blame. I'm the one who risked this. None of us can change what we are. I very well could have attacked her myself. It took every ounce of control I could manage and even then I was barely hanging on."

"Yeah, but you didn't attack her. I did." He said out loud.

"You're newer at this. Control only comes with time. You've been so careful, but tonight…it was stupid of me to bring her here. It was selfish of me to even involve myself with her in the first place. This was always bound to happen. It was always just a matter of when."

"Edward-" he started, knowing where I was going with that.

"No, Jasper. It's been a long time coming. I should have ended things already. I-" I felt my voice break and was unable to keep my emotions at bay as I metaphorically cut myself open in front of him, revealing the burden of what I'd been holding inside for months. "I have to leave her. I've been putting it off, deluding myself into thinking it could work somehow. All this did was show me what I've known all along." I hung my head in shame. "Forgive me. Forgive me for doing this to you, please."

He sighed and I knew he could feel everything I felt. He lifted his hand and held it over mine as I continued to grip his shoulder. "I don't blame you, Edward, but since you need to hear this: I forgive you. We can share the blame, if you want." I nodded and he chuckled humorlessly. What miserable creatures we are.

"The worst," I agreed.

"Edward?" Alice came through the fringe of trees then, gaze bouncing between me and Jasper. Are you…actually going to break things off with Bella?

I saw in her head that the vision had become much more solidified. I would leave. I was entirely set on it now. It was now just a question of how best to do it.

She's going to suffer so much. She showed me the image of Bella sitting in her room, empty and still. And then the other one of her screaming out for me in her sleep.

I closed my eyes but my resolve didn't waiver. I snapped them open a second later and looked to my sister sternly. "Better that than dead. She'll move on eventually. She'll live her life the way she was always supposed to."

"But-"

"No." I stood and held my gaze on hers. "There's nothing left to consider. This is the only acceptable option. Don't interfere. I need to do this."

Alice stared up at me, her expression contorting into regret and heartache. She slowly nodded in defeat, but she was hoping that I would come back, that I'd prove to be incapable of staying away. But for now, there was nothing she could do.

Poor kid… Emmett was thinking as he watched me. This is tearing him up.

You letting this drag on only made things worse. Rose shook her head in disapproval at me.

"I don't know exactly how to do this," I told them all quietly, eyes lowering to the forest floor. "How to make it as painless as possible for her." I ran a hand through my hair. "I'll think it over and come back later tonight to discuss it."

"We'll be here," Jasper stood and approached Alice, wrapping an arm around her small waist. "Whatever you need us to do, Edward, we're on board." I'm so sorry it's come to this, he thought miserably.

I shook my head, letting him know that no apology was needed.

Alice reached up and touched Jasper's face, silently asking if he was okay. He gave her a little smile and leaned into her touch. I will be, he communicated to her with his eyes.

I took a shaky inhale of breath then lifted my gaze to the imposing structure that was my house. The future I'd been dreading was suddenly here. It had come much sooner than I'd expected. I hadn't really been prepared for it. I was foolish, I thought. I should have been prepared for it.

I steeled myself and felt my expression slip back into its composed mask. I caged all the heavy feelings that would betray what I planned to do, then strode forward, clinging to the certainty that this was all necessary and right. I could do the right thing. I would.

I prepared to face Bella. I prepared to start doing the most difficult thing I'd ever had to do. It wouldn't be tonight, but once I had a clear strategy and all the preparations had been made, it would be time to start an endless existence without her.