Lost and Found
Chapter 5: Speaking with a Dog
Regulus smiled a sad smile as he looked at his small family who were sleeping, hopefully peacefully, beside him in the bed. He cast his mind over the past nearly fifteen years. From the moment he had found out that Sev was pregnant, to now, having their son back in their arms after fourteen years of believing him to be dead. Fourteen years of pain for all three of them. Fourteen years of Sev, and himself, being too scared to try for another baby, to add to their family, because they were worried their next baby would die, too.
They had both wanted a large family. They both still did want a large family. One filled with happiness, and love, and hope, and everything that neither of them received when they were children themselves.
But whoever had a hand in ripping their family apart destroyed their dreams, and hopes. And everything.
He remembered, very clearly, every moment of the last fourteen years. Every Yule. Every birthday. Every Ostara. Every Samhain. Every other moment that was meant to be filled with family, and happiness, and yet was filled with pain, and longing, and grief. He remembered every tear that he and Severus had shed.
He remembered their son's funeral. Yet, from what he could assume, was actually the funeral of the real Harry James Potter.
He remembered Severus finding out he was pregnant again, five years after their son had apparently died, and how stressed, and terrified, and panicked he was. They both were.
He remembered with startling clarity every moment of the miscarriage that had occurred when Severus was twelve weeks pregnant.
The extra pain, grief, and fear that had followed.
Severus, and himself, being even more terrified of ever having another baby to love because they would only be taken from them, too, right? Clearly they weren't meant to be parents, right?
Except they were meant to be parents. Their oldest was still alive. And he was with them now. One of their babies was in their arms again, and as much as Regulus was so terribly grateful for it, it didn't erase the fourteen years of pain that had come before this moment. It wouldn't erase the fear of trying again. It wouldn't erase the loss of their second child.
It wouldn't erase anything.
They could find a way to find happiness for themselves now that they were together again. But they would still always remember what came before that.
There will always be pain, and grief for the years lost.
Severus and he didn't get to see their son take his first steps, or hear him say his first word. They didn't get to teach him how to read and write, or anything else they had wanted to share. They didn't get to watch him make friends, or send him off for his first year at Hogwarts, and every year after that. They didn't get to watch him grow, and laugh, and smile, and cry, or anything. They had nothing but pain.
Harry had nothing but pain after the Potter's died.
And Merlin, he needed answers. Not just for himself, but for his family.
He needed to know why his son was taken from him, and who by. He needed to know why he was abused and who knew about it. He needed to know everything he could so everyone could pay for hurting his baby boy, and his husband.
And he would start with his brother, supposing Azkaban hadn't messed with his memories too much.
He had requested a blood tracking potion from Healer Greyclaw an hour ago, along with some parchment. He sighed painfully as he released the cork and dug his small, ornate knife, that he had taken to carrying around with him, gently into the tip of his finger and let seven drops of his blood fall into the potion, watching as the once plain parchment turned into a map showing where his last blood related family were currently located. Well, the ones from his son to his second cousins.
His son was indicated with a gold dot right next to his own red one. His cousins were indicated with bronze. And his brother indicated in the mountains near Hogsmeade with a silver dot.
His jaw tensed when he saw the dot, his hand shaking as his fingers glided over the map.
He turned to his husband and son again. They were still asleep, curled closely together as if neither of them wanted to let go any time soon, and he knew they didn't. He didn't want to either. But he had promised them answers, and he needed them now. As many as he could get for now anyway, he would get more later.
He leaned over and kissed Harry's hair gently, and thankfully he didn't wake. But Severus stirred when Regulus kissed his cheek, and blinked blearily up at him.
"Reg," Sev whispered hoarsily.
"It's fine, Sev. Go back to sleep. I am just going to speak to Sirius, he's near Hogsmeade. I want to get us some answers. As many as I can from him. But I will be back soon, I promise. I love you," Reg said softly, smiling as much as he could at his love.
"I love you, too. Be careful," Severus said, looking up at him with worried eyes.
"Always," Reg smirked slightly.
Severus was soon asleep again and Regulus sighed shakily before standing up and making his way quietly out of the room, and then the bank as he floo'd to The Three Broomsticks, the hood of his cloak covering his head. And surprisingly, considering the late hour of the night, it was busy enough for him to arrive and leave without anyone really paying attention to him.
He stalked as fast as he could through the village towards the mountains his map had said his brother was hiding in. It was a long trek, but the cool night air helped him to not break a sweat.
He found himself at the entrance to a cave, right where the silver dot was, and he looked in to find a fire burning in the centre and his brother sitting, leaning against the side of the Hippogriff that was lying behind him. He was humming a song Regulus didn't recognise as he stared up at the roof of the cave.
And Regulus hoped with all that was in him that his brother didn't know anything. Because no matter how much he needed answers, for his family, he didn't want his brother to be the one to give some of them. They were brothers, even if they didn't get along anymore, and it would hurt more than anything if his brother had a hand in taking or keeping his son away from him.
He moved slowly into the cave and Sirius finally noticed him, jumping up with the Hippogriff which looked ready to pounce until Regulus lowered his hood and bowed to him, keeping his eyes on the beast who soon bowed to him in return before sliding back down to the floor without a care in the world.
Sirius was staring at him in shock, though.
"Reggie," Sirius breathed, "What? I-I thought you were dead,"
"Clearly I'm not," Regulus smirked at the man who looked older than his age.
"I-I… What are you doing here? Are you going to turn me over to the Aurors?" Sirius said defensively, looking around for any kind of weapon and yet he didn't have one.
Regulus did though, and he took out his wand, leaving the knife in his pocket for now, and pointing it at his brother who shied away, "I'm here for answers," Regulus said firmly.
Sirius looked confused, "Answers?"
"Yes. If you can provide them," Regulus said.
"Answers for what," Sirius said.
And Regulus passed him the sheet that had changed his family's lives. The sheet of parchment that told them who Harry really was.
"Answers regarding that," he said as Sirius hesitantly took it and read the words, eyes widening with shock and many other things as his eyes traced over them.
"Harry is your son… with Snape?" Sirius said, his voice quivering, "Why Snape?"
"I don't believe that is any of your business given everything you have done to Sev over the years. Especially when I am here to find out if you knew, and if you know who did know, and what happened. I want to know why the fuck our baby was taken from us and we were made to believe he was dead for fourteen years. I want to know why the fuck my son has been abused by the people he thought were family to the point where he is currently pregnant and had a bloody miscarriage at the age of twelve, on his own. So please, enlighten me as much as you fucking can before I actually do turn you over to the Aurors. Although depending on your responses, I may of course do that anyway. Or the goblins, we'll see, I suppose," he smirked at the look of fear in his brother's eyes, although pain was stabbing his heart.
"I-I…"
Regulus snapped and rushed forward, pinning Sirius to the wall of the cave, thankful that the hippogriff was asleep, his wand aimed at his brother's neck.
"Did you know?" Regulus growled, "Did you know he was mine? Did you know he wasn't a Potter?"
"I-I didn't know he was yours," Sirius said desperately.
"But you knew he wasn't theirs?" Regulus said, feeling rather like he had been punched in the gut.
"Not the whole time," Sirius muttered.
"When did you find out?" Regulus growled dangerously.
"Shortly after Lily did," Sirius said, and Regulus' heart clenched at the thought that he would have to tell Sev that Lily knew at least that Harry wasn't hers.
"When? How?"
"Harry was ill, Lily got a healer in to see to him, and it was revealed that he wasn't theirs. Her and James had an argument and she came to see me and Remus, and told us,"
"So Potter knew the whole time?" Regulus snarled.
Sirius nodded, eyes wide.
"When did you find out?" he asked again.
"When Harry was five months old,"
And his heart broke again at the words as he tried to hold back his tears.
"So… So for eight months," he gulped, "For eight months you, Lupin and Evans knew that the baby you were raising belonged to someone else, and you did nothing. You did nothing to find out who his parents were, or what they believed happened to him. You did nothing," Regulus said, trying to get control of himself enough to not cry, "You got to hear him speak, and see him walk, you got to see the first fifteen months of his life, and we got nothing because you wouldn't do the right thing. You kept him to yourselves instead of finding his real parents. And then, instead of telling anyone, you let him be taken to people you knew weren't his actual family when the Potter's died," he growled, moving closer to his brother.
Sirius gulped, "Lily was distraught, Reg. She had just found out her baby had died at birth. She couldn't let him go. She needed him,"
Regulus punched him, and relished in the sight of his brother on the floor, clutching his broken nose, and the blood dripping from between his fingers.
"I understand grief, I really do. I have believed my son to be dead for the last fourteen years, you selfish, arrogant little twat. But if I was the one finding out that my actual son was dead whilst I was raising someone else's baby, then I would still do the right thing, no matter how much it hurt. I buried the boy that was meant to be your godson, thinking he was mine and Sev's. We have been in pain every fucking day since we were told our baby was dead. Every day. We went to his grave every year on his birthday, on Yule, and Ostara, and Samhain, and every other important day. Sev was so fucking terrified and panicked the second time he fell pregnant that I had to watch him and hold him as he had a miscarriage,
"We missed everything, Siri. Everything. All those momentous moments that parents are meant to experience with their children, we missed them all. Because our baby was being hurt by people that he should never have been placed with. Because you didn't want to do the right thing and find out who his parents were, then give him back. He had a miscarriage, for fuck sake, at twelve, on his own, in the fucking shower. He had to give birth to his dead baby on his own, not knowing he was pregnant, or that it was even possible. And now he's having a baby, again. And he shouldn't be. He shouldn't be doing this. My baby shouldn't be having a baby because he was raped by the man he had thought was his fucking uncle. He should have been with us, his parents, the ones who have been loving him and grieving him,"
Sirius scoffed, "As if Snape could ever love anyone, let alone a child,"
And Regulus punched him again, relishing in the sickening crunch that he heard as his brother's nose broke some more.
"You don't know him," Regulus growled, "You refused to get to know him. Instead you did nothing but bully and abuse him. Sometimes even sexually. Oh, and you tried to murder him using one of your best friends, do you remember that? Severus is one of the most loving people I know. You don't know much about bearers, their magic, or anything, but I suggest you do some research maybe before you get escorted to some kind of prison. Oh, wait, I will be taking you to the goblins after we are done here,"
"I did nothing wrong," Sirius yelled.
"You may not have taken Harry from us, but you kept him from us without telling any responsible adult the truth. You are part of the reason we have thought our son dead for so long. You are part of the reason my husband had a miscarriage. You are part of the reason my son is having another baby and is so incredibly traumatised. He's my baby, Sirius. I watched Sev grow with him. We built a nursery together. We were so bloody excited. I felt his magic. And I felt him move, and kick. I held Sev as I watched him give birth to him, three weeks early which is why we were in the hospital in the first place rather than him giving birth at home like he had wanted. And we held him, and watched him breathe and move, and heard him make those cute little new-born sounds for a good couple of hours before Severus wanted to go to sleep. Then he was gone and the healers came back with a dead baby they said was ours, and we believed them. Because they are healers, they're meant to be good, and honest, and our parental bonds, especially Sev's, were blocked somehow,
"Do you know that pain, Siri? The pain of losing your baby? He was so tiny, but he was so alive, and healthy because Severus did everything he could to make sure he had a healthy pregnancy. And Sev has been blaming himself for not doing enough, even though he did everything, and more, that the healers suggested. He has been blaming himself for both of our children's deaths for fourteen years. And now he is blaming himself for not knowing that Harry was alive. I know that no matter how much Harry or I tell him that it wasn't his fault, that none of it was, that he will never believe me. And it hurts so fucking much to see the man you love in that much pain. Especially whilst you are in that much pain, too, and you don't know how to help him, or yourself,
"You may not have known he was mine, Siri, your own actual nephew. But you knew for eight fucking months before you were arrested that he wasn't a Potter. And you did nothing. So you are going to pay for keeping our son from us, and for all the shit he has gone through because of it. You are going to pay for allowing my husband to fear his own body so much that he lost our baby. And I will also let you pay for the things you did to my husband whilst we were in school," Regulus breathed darkly, leaning over Severus with fierce eyes.
"I-I'm sorry. If I had known-"
"If you had known he was mine, you would have told me, sure, I will let you believe that," Regulus scoffed, "But you could have found out. You aren't terrible at potions, you could have made the potion to reveal his parentage yourself and found out. You could have done the right thing. But I also don't believe for a second that you would have actually done the right thing having found out the truth of his parentage, because you hate Severus, for whatever reason,"
"He's a Death Eater,"
"So am I," Regulus grinned at the widening eyes of his brother, "But I'll let you in on a little secret considering you are about to be interrogated by rather a lot of people who are involved. We are both trained Unspeakables, just without the fancy names and robes. We are working with Unspeakables, certain Aurors and the goblins to end this war and everything with it. Because, make no mistake, it will start again. We are working from within any organisation we can get in to make things right for the people of this country. And all of the people we work with are going to be coming down on you so hard for any answer that you can give in regards to Harry, the Order, Dumbledore, the Potters, anything. You had best comply,"
Sirius looked terrified and Regulus couldn't help but chuckle as he bound his brother with shimmery, golden magical cuffs and hauled him up from the floor.
"What about Buckbeak? Harry loves him," Sirius said nervously.
"I'll come back for him the second I drop you off with my goblin friends," Regulus said before taking out his portkey that would take them both to the bank.
Everything was rather a blur after that. He watched as Sirius was thrown into a cell by some angry goblin warriors, he heard the goblins talking but couldn't hear what they were saying. He went back to get Buckbeak and gave him to the goblins to look after for his son.
Then he was back with his family, watching them sleep. And he didn't want to tell them that they had all known, at least, at some point, that Harry didn't belong to them. He didn't want to see the pain in their eyes grow. But he knew he had to.
He laid down beside them, Harry safe in the middle of both him and Sev, Regulus' arm going over their son so that he could cup Severus' thin waist.
And, of course, Severus woke up again, his dark eyes blinking open and looking questioningly at him, though his eyes also held pain and so much more when he saw the slowly falling tears in Regulus' eyes.
"He knew?" Severus whispered shakily.
"Not that he was ours. But himself, Lupin… and Lily found out that Harry wasn't theirs when he was five months old," Regulus whispered back, pain squeezing his chest at the tears that filled Sev's eyes.
"Lily knew?" Severus said roughly, throat bobbing as he gripped Regulus' arm, "She knew and she didn't… How did she know? How did she find out?"
"Harry got ill. She had a healer over to take a look and it was revealed then. She and James had an argument and she went to see Sirius and Remus and told them,"
Severus' breath hitched, "So she must have known he was mine, right? She… The tests the healers do would have shown who his parents are, right? She kept my baby from me,"
"I'm sorry, love," Regulus said, "I'm so fucking sorry, for everything,"
"It's not your fault, Reg," Severus said, tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he held Harry and Regulus closer.
"It's not your fault either, Sev. None of this," Reg said, and Severus let out a dark, yet quiet, self-deprecating chuckle.
"Lily kept my baby from me,"
"And it's not your fault, Sev,"
"I called her a Mudblood," Severus spat.
"You didn't mean it. Anyone with eyes and ears could see that you didn't mean it. You were being hung upside down in the air. You were scared, and stressed, and anxious, and whether you meant it or not, that is no reason for her to keep our baby from us. She did that on her own, without your input. It's not your fault. And I will keep telling you that for the rest of our lives, and even in the afterlife, if I have to. Even if I don't have to I will keep telling you. I love you so much, Sev. I love you and our babies, and grandbabies, more than anything in the world, and I will burn the world down for you all if I have to,"
"We love you, too," Severus whispered.
"They'll be punished, Sev. Every last person who had a hand in doing this to us, they'll be punished,"
"I hope so,"
Regulus hoped so, too.
Hiya, how are you all?
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, sorry for any tears that may have been spilled during your reading of this. But yay, Buckbeak is back, and will be very much part of this story, I will be bringing Hedwig in at some point, too, so no worries there. Maybe a whole hoard of animals. Who knows? But anyway, what do you think is going to happen? Or what would you like to see happen? I am very much interested in hearing what you would like to say.
I wrote a one-shot prequel for this story called I've Been Waiting For You. Feel free to go and check it out, and if you can figure out where I got the title inspo and such then you are amazing.
Anywho, I posted an essay/petition where I (un)officially explain why I think I should be cast as my favourite character, Severus Snape, in the new HBO series, despite the fact that I am a woman. It would mean a lot if you went and read it, but no pressure. It isn't going to lead to anything, unless, by some miracle, it goes viral, but it was fun to write. It is on my AO3, Maraudering_Paige. Feel free to go and check it out.
Also, I am working on some Spotify playlists for my fanfics, so if you can think of any songs you think work with the stories as they are so far, or where you think they are going, or songs that give you the vibes you get from the stories, then please do let me know and I will give them a listen, then potentially add them to the playlists. If you would like to go and give them a listen as they are now then you can find me on Spotify under the name Maraudering_Paige. They aren't that long at the moment, but we are making progress and I will continue adding to them the more music I listen to and when I have the time to do so. But still, if you can think of any relevant songs then do let me know.
I have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you would like to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes and more. It is also where I have somewhat of an update schedule for my fics and will be keeping you up to date on what I am working on, in regards to fanfics, original works, and more things. So if you are interested in joining then I am more than happy to accept you all.
I also now have a TikTok and an Instagram for my fanfic writing escapades. The username is maraudering_paige on both of them so feel free to follow me, and we shall see how often and what kinds of content I can post when I can. But it is another way for me to keep you all up to date if you don't have Facebook and such, and for me to spread the word about other things I am working on and things I want to do and such. So yeah, feel free to join me on those if you are able.
And finally, if you like poems, then I write them and I have started a where you can read 1 or more poems every month depending on how many I have the time to post. You also get access to information about my original books I am working on before anyone else. And you get your name listed in the acknowledgements section of any book I publish whilst you are a Patron. For £2.22 a month. If you would like to join me over there and read some rants I call poems, and get updates on original work, then you may. My username over there is Paige_Makepeace. No pressure, by the way, you certainly do not have to if you can't or don't want to. I understand. I just thought it would be a cool thing to try. Any money made from this will go towards helping me write and publish the original novels I am working on. Including the one I am hoping to publish first which is a slow-burn, witchy, bisexual/lesbian enemies to lovers book. You will also be able to read the first draft of the first chapter of my book, so, if you are interested in doing that then feel free to go and subscribe if you want to.
If there are any other platforms you think I should join you all on then let me know and I will have a think.
I hope you are having an amazing day!
Kind regards,
Paige xx