Alone Again, Natura-Diddly At a NASCAR racetrack, Maude is knocked off of the stands by t shirt cannons and dies!
Plot
The chalkboard gag is "My Suspension was not mutual."
The couch gag is the Simpsons riding Dogems and ramming into Homer.
...
The episode starts with us looking at the Springfield Nature Preserve sign. It says underneath the name of the nature preserve "Outdoor sex by permit only."
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Marge sighed.
The Simpsons and Oscar who is wearing just a diaper are at a nature preserve.
"Now we must leave nature untouched. Whatever we pack in, we pack out." said Lisa.
A mosquito was bothering Oscar. "Stupid bug! You go squish now!" He swatted and killed the mosquito.
"Oz!" Lisa yelled.
"But what if I need to go to the bathroom?" Homer asked.
"Just use this plastic bag." said Lisa giving him a plastic bag.
"Or wear a diaper like I am!" said Oscar.
"Uh no." said Homer.
"Oh how comes bears are allowed to take a dump in the woods?" Homer whined.
A bear comes out of the bushes and put a bag in the bin.
Meanwhile Hugo scampered around the forest path searching for food like a wild animal.
"Actually Alvin, I'm trying to be cognitive and intellectual today." said Hugo to the fourth wall.
"Yeah but I wanted to write you as feral Hugo." said Alvin. "Since you only appeared once in the non-canon episode Treehouse of Horror VII."
Hugo grunted nonverbally and continued scampering about like an animal.
"It's so wonderful to have this little bit of paradise so close to Springfield." said Lisa.
The Simpsons hear buzzing.
"Uh oh! sounds like bees." said Homer.
"Those bees sound angry and Africanized." said Marge. Oh dear...
An African bee in traditional African robes appeared. "What so because we're African we're always angry and aggressive?! Shame on you! You racist!"
"I'm so sorry!" Marge apologized.
"Luckily I bought this bee repellent." said Homer spraying it into his trousers.
"Hold on. That doesn't sound like bees." said Lisa. She pushed aside some bushes to find NASCAR racers on a track speeding along noisily.
"A race track!" said Bart joyfully.
"Oh no! They ruined the bird sanctuary!" Lisa lamented.
Hugo grunted. He liked birds, but mostly he really liked filthy pigeons.
"No they've made it better!" said Homer. "Like chocolate covered raisins."
Oscar was eating chocolate covered raisins. "Mmmmmmm! Forbidden Eeeeeeeee numbers..."
"Or a monkey in a cowboy suit." said Homer.
"But the animals!" Lisa whined.
"They'll get used to it..." said Homer.
There were squirrels driven mad by the noise growling and chittering. And parrots repeating what they heard at the NASCAR track.
"Arr! Start your engines! Arrr! Start your engines!" a parrot squawked.
"Will you shut up?!" Iago from Aladdin yelled.
"Arrr! Show us your boobs! Arrr! Show us your boobs!" A parrot squawked.
"Marge you better do as he says!" said Homer. Marge frowned at him.
"Why do jerks think everyone wants to see their stupid noisy cars and race tracks?!" Lisa ranted angrily.
"Quiet Lisa!" Homer barked.
Then a NASCAR driver who's clothes were on fire arrived after crashing his car nearby.
"Sorry to break up your picnic folks. I'm Clay Babcook. And you lot are on the greenery in the middle of the track." said Clay.
"You're on fire!" Marge gasped.
"Yes I have won a lot of races and trophies. Thank you adoring fans." said Clay.
"No really Mr Babcook you're on fire!" said Lisa explaining he was on fire.
"Oh god! It burns! It burns!" screamed Clay as he tried to pat out the flames.
"Stop, drop and roll!" Marge warned him.
Clay was rolling about on fire while Hugo laughed maniacally.
Eventually Clay put out the fires on his clothes.
"Since you are such nice people how about some free tickets to today's race?" asked Clay.
"That's nice but we have a full day of hiking to get through." said Lisa.
"We can hike any time! I want to watch the race!" said Homer.
Lisa and Marge sighed.
Lisa seethed. "No we can't Dad! I booked this day out to go hiking and enjoy nature!"
"Well I'm in charge and I say we take up this nice guy's offer to watch the NASCAR races!" Homer growled.
"Mooooom!" Lisa whined.
"The plot says we watch NASCAR..." Oscar sighed.
Lisa sulked.
"Clay can I ride in your car?" Bart asked him.
"Well... My A car has been incinerated. But I suppose you can ride in my B car..." said Clay.
Bart rode in the B car. However Clay's wife was riding too and she didn't like Bart sprawling his legs across the upholstery or fine leather seats.
"Keep your legs off of the upholstery." said Mrs Babcock.
...
The Simpsons sat in the stands to watch the NASCAR cars zip about and crash violently.
Lisa sulked.
Marge wasn't pleased either.
"Homer J Simpson! You ruined our day out just to sit and watch cars crash into each other!" Marge ranted.
Homer blanked her and sighed as he watched the cars.
"Oh come on! Crash!" Bart groaned.
"Son, a watched car never crashes..." said Homer.
"One, the phrase is A watched pot never boils and secondly-" said Lisa. Oscar emitted a powerful red beam from his hand and it blew up a car on the track.
"Cooooool!" said Bart.
"Oz! You could have killed someone!" Lisa yelled.
Oscar sulked and crossed his arms.
In another row of seats sat the African bees...
"We should come here next Kwanza." said the giant bee in full African robes.
"Yes my brother." said another African bee...
Hugo winced exasperated.
Oscar smirked.
Then to Homer's annoyance he hard a familiar friendly greeting.
"Well hi diddly ho pedal-to-the-metal-oh-philes?" Ned greeted them. But now this is where I get silly.
"Hi diddly ho Ned!" said lots of pedophiles lead by Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter on a hiking trip. They took seats in the stands of the race track.
Oscar and Bart screamed in terror. Hugo just sat there in silence as he ate his fish heads. Oscar concerned nudged him.
"Oh I mean Yaaaaaaaaaaagh!" said Hugo suddenly deciding to scream.
Marge glared at the pedophiles.
"D'oh Flanders! Why are you here?! You don't like noisy NASCAR races?!" Homer groaned.
"Well there's first time for everything! Like I told my lovely Maude and my boys this morning." said Ned.
"We love yooooouu!" Rod and Todd uh hugged Bart...
"Ha! Gaaaaaaaay!" Señor Chang yelled from somewhere.
"Do not touch me. You disgust me." Bart snapped as he pushed the Flanders boys away in disgust.
Marge sighed. "Hmmmmmm! Bart why can't you try to be friends with nicer well behaved boys than Nelson and that kid with the lollipop stick in his mouth pretending it's a cigarette..."
"Because they are geeks and I have a higher class of friends than Oscar. Why just last week at Flanders..."
At Ned Flanders's house Oscar was chuckling while watching Veggietales.
"Why doesn't Bob the Tomato as Jesus simply feed the five thousand by slicing himself up with Artie Avocado and some mozzarella..." Oscar asked.
Rod winced at him.
"And yesterday at Ralph's..." Bart sighed.
At the Wiggum household.
Bart groaned as Mom made him hang out at Ralph's. Also Ralph was watching Bob the Builder.
"Bob the Builder! Can he fix it? Bob the Builder! ..."
"NO HE CAN'T!" Oscar yelled angrily.
"Oscar..." Clancy sighed.
Marge sighed.
Lisa sighed annoyed. She wanted to finish their nature walk.
"Boy these seats are bad..." said Oscar.
"Hmmmmm... well let's take your mind off of them. Do anything fun at school?" Marge asked.
"Well..." said Oscar.
Spanish class at Springfield Elementary.
"Now class I will say something in English and it's meaning in Spanish." said the teacher.
"I am - Soy." said the the teacher. (I am soy)
"You sure are! Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Everyone laughed.
The teacher sighed.
"That's really not that funny..." said Jurkle.
"And then on Tuesday we went to visit some old ruins and Young Link sneezed." said Oscar.
At a ruined, abandoned church Young Link sneezed.
"Gesundheit." said Oscar.
Young Link winced.
"Then in the public library I kept playing the Windows 98 shutdown sound for a laugh until the librarian got annoyed." said Oscar.
"It was annoying! Oz the library is a quiet place of study..." Lisa groaned.
"Then at recess I sang silly versions of songs.
"Hit me baby one morgue time!" Oscar sang at recess.
"Hey I'm trying to talk to Ned here!" Homer yelled.
Oscar pouted as everyone had to be quiet for Homer's conversation.
"Oh and this morning someone stole my car." said Ned.
Homer snickered.
Marge frowned at Homer.
"Boy everyone is stupid except me..." said Homer chuckling to himself.
...
"No really Flanders. Why does this interest you?" Homer asked.
"Well I like to get the fresh air and look at the poor people in the front row." said Ned.
"Can you not look at us..." said a family of poor people in rags.
"Sorry!" said Ned.
"I like the safety gear." said Maude.
"I like the colourful flags." said Todd.
Elsewhere in the stands.
"Dang, Cletus. Why'd you have to park by my parents?" said Brandine to Cletus.
"Now, honey, they's my parents too." said Cletus. Eeeeeeeew!
A guy sat near them threw up in disgust.
Brandine then spent the family vacation claiming she wrote movies she didn't actually write. She often told people she wrote the movie Hope Floats.
"Now Brandine yer did not write that big screen story book whatchamacallit." said Cletus.
The whole town it seems is at a NASCAR track.
A race was starting.
"Start your engines!" said the announcer.
"Arrrrr! Start your engines! Start your engines!" The parrots squawked again.
Plot 2
"Daddy, can we move closer?" Rod asked his Dad.
"Abso-not-ly not, hot Roddy. We're up here out of range of the crashes and the drivers' cussin'." said Ned.
Bart and Hugo were arguing.
"Move your damn butt." Bart shoved Hugo.
"Bite me." said Hugo retorting.
"Ass fucking titties! Shit! Bastard!" Oscar was swearing deliberately.
Ned and Maude gasped offended as they covered Rod and Todd's ears.
"Oh! My F*******g ears!" Todd whined.
Ned and Maude gasped.
"Well I expect that sort of language at the deli but not here!" said Ned annoyed.
Clay Babcock went in the pit stop and got his tires changed and his car repaired.
"Come on guys hurry up!"
Once he was good to go he drove off.
Homer then drove into the pit stop in his pink car.
"Come on! Change those tires!" said Homer expecting a tire change.
"Hey! You're not a racing car! Get outta here!" said the guy in charge of the pit stop.
Suddenly the Duff babes bring out the t shirt cannons.
"Who wants a free t shirt?" the Duff babes ask.
"Oh! Me me me!" Homer yells from the stands.
"Ok Hon!" The ladies reply.
"Maude, why don't you get us some hotdogs." Ned asked his wife before kissing her.
"Sure sweetie!" Maude left to get her family some hotdogs.
"No foot longs..." said Ned.
"I know dear. They make you feel uncomfortable..." said Maude.
"They make me feel very comfortable... Gehehehe..." Oscar giggled pervertedly.
"Here t shirt! T shirt!" Homer repeated as he had taken off his white shirt and had painted a target on his stomach. "Oh! A penny!" He ducked to pick up the penny as a t-shirt was shot at him when Maude returned.
"Hey Maude, watch out!" Oscar warned. But it was too late. The t-shirt missed and hit Maude.
She yelped and was sent flying off the stands. There was a crunch.
"Maude?!" Ned gasped.
Everyone and the local physician gathered in the car parking lot outside.
"I'm sorry Ned but she's gone." said the doctor who replaced Hibbert.
Ned and his kids cried. Everyone hugged him and showed him sympathy.
"Of course paramedics would have been able to save her if someone hadn't had parked their car in the emergency space!" The doctor ranted and pointed to Homer's pink car in the ambulance space.
Homer did a Curly noise and tugged at his shirt as everyone glared at him.
...
There was a funeral for Maude. Nearby were graves for Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr Marvin Monroe.
"Dr. Monroe died?" Oscar asked as he was reading the Simpsons episode guide.
He's in some sort of limbo...
Then finally there was a stone marking a grave. It read "Frank Grimes."
"Well I know Grimey snuffed it..." said Oscar.
"It's hard to believe we're never going to see Maude again. And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say good-bye." Marge sobbed.
"You do know she didn't really like you when she was alive..." said Oscar.
Homer asked for a hotdog.
"I really fancy a hotdog."
"Homer! This is a funeral!" Marge scolded him. However a hotdog vendor appeared and Homer bought a hotdog from him.
"Hotdogs! Freshly cooked hotdogs! With mustard!" said the hotdog vendor.
"Why do you keep following my husband around?" Marge asked him.
"Lady he's putting my kids through college." said the hotdog vendor.
Lovejoy said some things.
"Maude Flanders didn't grab our attention with catchphrases or funny accents..." said Lovejoy.
"Arrrrrr!" said Sea Captain with sympathy.
"Glavin, flavin..." said Frink.
"Ach! We'll miss you Lass!" said Willie.
"But she was there. Amen." said Lovejoy.
McGee from McGee and Me cleared his throat and began his speech. "I know Maude Flanders a long time and now she has died, I will remember her fondly."
"I won't. She was mean to Marge when she was caught shoplifting and spied on her in the bathroom and rudely told her to hurry up because she thought she was gonna steal the soap..." said Oscar annoyed over that time in Marge in Chains.
McGee frowned at him.
Lisa felt sad about Maude dying too. Because she's pretty much the only reasonable character.
Bart said a eulogy. But he just was nostalgic about the 80s.
"Man, I loved the '80s. It was the age of E.T."
"E.T. Phone hoooooooome..." said Oscar being silly.
Bart glared at him.
"Mr. T..." Bart continued.
"I pity da foo!" said Oscar.
Bart seethed.
"and MTV." said Bart.
Oscar had nothing silly to say.
"You're probably too young to remember when MTV went on air, you were only one year old in 1989..." said Bart.
...
There was then a wake at the Simpsons house.
"Sorry, Ned but if it makes you feel any better if you died I would have been on Maude so fast-" Moe tried to comfort Ned.
"That's terrible! You monster!" Ned yelled and started beating up Moe.
"Cool! Ned can fight!" Oscar cooed. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"That's it. Bring me closer to Maude! I'm coming babe!" Moe smirked as Ned punched him.
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Oscar cheered.
"Stop it, you two!" Marge scolded. "What happened to Maude was an accident. She would not want you to blame anyone for her demise."
In the kitchen Homer ate some of the sandwiches.
"Mmmmmmmm! Mini sandwiches..."
"Homer don't eat those!" Marge sighed as the buffet wasn't ready yet. Hugo began eating fish heads out of his bucket. "Hugo don't bring that downstairs with you... the smell is bothering everyone!"
"Peeeyeeeew! What smells like rotten fish?" Agnes Skinner yelled holding her nose from the stench of Hugo's fish heads.
Marge sighed. She saw Bart rearrange the letters on the funeral cake to spell out a funny anagram. But she didn't tell him off.
"Bart, honey, I think you should go play with Rod and Todd." said Marge.
"Oh, man. Why does everything bad have to happen to me?" Bart groaned.
Oscar saw the message he made.
"Rest in Pee."
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Marge sighed.
Bart's room.
"When I'm feeling low, you know what always cheers me up?" asked Bart. Please say delicious sweets...
"Is it love?" Rod asked.
"Kindness?" Todd asked. Um... no...
"Ooh, tough room. Video games." said Bart. "What do you got?"
"Billy Graham's Bible Blaster?" Bart read a game pak for the SNES Rod gave him.
(Computer game sounds.)
"Keep firing! Convert the heathens!" said Rod.
"Oooooh! Partial conversion!" said Rod.
"Look out! A gentle Ba'hai!" said Todd.
"Right that's it! We're playing something that's not offensive!" Oscar snapped.
They played Mario.
"Are walking mushrooms and giant turtles real?" Rod asked.
"No... it's make believe Rod..." Bart sighed.
"Like your offensive bible game disregarding other faiths." Oscar snapped.
"When's our turn?" Rod asked.
"You are playing. We're a team." said Bart refusing to let them play.
The Flanders boys paused awkwardly. "Yaaaaaaay!"
...
At the wake.
Hugo was eating the funeral fudge.
"Mmmmmmm! Inappropriate gay slang..." he moaned eating fudge.
Homer seethed at him. Triggered by his homophobia.
"Hugo! Don't eat all of that!" said Marge.
People were comforting Ned and being nice.
"Hey quit hogging Ned! I want to comfort him!" said Homer.
"Oh thank you Homer. But actually I just want to go home and sleep." said Ned.
Homer insisted on taking home and tucking him into bed and kissing him good night. Just admit you're gay for him already!
Some months later Homer tricked Ned into giving away all of Maude's possessions, and some of his own things.
Marge was horrified to find Ned's couch in the garden and Bart wearing Ned's glasses while lying in the hammock.
Oscar kept calling him Barry Potter.
"Looking good Barry Potter."
Bart rolled his eyes.
"Homer?! Is that Ned's couch?! And Bart! Don't wear other people's glasses! That can mess up your vision!"
Bart groaned.
"He didn't want them any more. Said they reminded him of Maude!" Homer sighed.
"You will give him back his stuff now! And comfort the poor man!" Marge yelled.
Homer grumbled under his breath and dragged the couch back to Ned's.
Meanwhile Bart was sleeping.
Oscar snuck out. He had a red marker pen and a black wig. He sniggered deviously.
Later Homer was feeling sweaty and needed a drink. He got out from the fridge a can of Duff beer and sipped it.
Oscar touched the thermostat.
"Don't touch the damn thermostat! It's like 900 degrees in here!" Homer yelled.
"No it's not! I'm cold!" said Oscar.
"You don't get that 'cause you're in your underpants all the time." said Homer.
Oscar glanced downwards. "Dad, I don't wear underwear. I wear diapers." He said to his foster dad. Oscar was stood there wearing a diaper.
Homer frowned. "That's not normal! You're nine! You're supposed to be potty trained!"
"Mooooooom! Dad's not being supportive of my bladder defect!" Oscar yelled.
"Homer! Stop it!" Marge to,d off her husband. "And sweetie it's not a bladder defect, you're just lazy ninnie muffins..." said Marge.
"And a little pervert... you're into that creepy ABDL crap aren't you?!" Homer seethed.
Marge hugged Oscar.
"Mom what are you doing?" Oscar asked with his arms down not returning the hug.
"It's been four days since I've gotten a huggie." said Marge.
"It's been four days since you changed my Huggies." said Oscar. Ie his diaper stank.
"Oh don't exaggerate dear..." Marge sighed.
Plot 3
Bart came in to get a drink.
"Bart are you still wearing tho-Oh my gosh!" Marge dropped a cup.
Bart looked at her confused.
"Bart you should look in a mirror. Now." Lisa gasped.
"What's the big deal?" Bart went to look in the mirror and screamed as someone had given him a makeover to look like Harry Potter. He had a black wig on and a red thunderbolt on his forehead.
Oscar started singing the Harry Potter theme.
"Oscar!" Bart yelled really loudly.
Later.
"Oz we're going out... so you can calm down and stop goofing off..." said Bart taking Oscar by the arm and taking him outside.
Oscar laughed hysterically as he summoned Okra Winfrey. Oprah as an okra...
Bart sighed.
"I agree. Let's go to the National park." said Lisa. She loves nature.
Bart groaned.
They were at a rural spot with trees and things and greenery.
Bart was watching squirrels fight. One had a spanner and one had a crowbar.
"Cooool! Go get em!" Bart cheered.
"Bart!" Lisa yelled. "This is horrible! So much litter..."
A chameleon rested on a plastic bottle with a label. It turned invisible.
Then a snake whipped out of the bottle and snatched up the chameleon in its jaws. Bart flinched.
Lisa was annoyed at the sight of a young loving couple had carved their names into a tree.
"Why do jerks think we want to see their initials scratched into a tree?!" Lisa ranted.
"Yeah I know!" Young Link snapped. "Uncle Oak what did they do to you?!" He stroked the tree.
"I'm Great Aunt Birch!" said the tree which is suddenly a birch...
Bart winced exasperated.
Oscar was chasing squirrels with a stick.
(Oscar giggling)
Bart sighed.
"Oscar leave the squirrels alone..." Lisa sighed.
"Meanie..." said Oscar leaving the two squirrels to scurry off.
"Oh yeah I'm the meanie when you're picking on squirrels..." Lisa sighed.
"Come on, let's watch a movie..." Bart wanted to go to the movie theatre.
"Nothing scary Bart!" Lisa nagged.
Bart sighed. He regularly forced her to see the Space Mutants films with him.
Instead they went to Phineas Q Butterfats ice cream parlour.
Later...
"Oooooooh! My tummy!" Oscar groaned feeling sick.
"I told you not to order that gut burster sundae with all the trimmings ie bananas and crumbled up cookie things..." Bart sighed.
...
Ned was outside Homer's house at night hurling rocks at it. This eventually woke up Homer.
"What is that?" Homer groaned. He looks out the window and sees Ned. "Oh, you wanna rock fight, eh?" He was about to throw a big rock at Ned. [Laughs]
"No, Homer. I just need to talk." said Ned.
"Okay. Be right down." said Homer. He threw a rock at Ned. [Chuckles]
Ned and Homer sat on Bart and Lisa's swing set.
"I just keep replaying the whole thing in my head. I can't believe my last words to Maude were, "No foot-longs."" said Ned.
"Yep. It would have been a lot better if you'd said... "I love you" or, "You're special."" said Homer.
"Yeah..." said Ned sighing.
Homer was trying to comfort Ned but put his foot in it by saying he was to blame for killing Maude.
"Just get out of here you murderer!" Ned yelled at him.
Homer whimpered.
The next day.
Marge bought Oscar some cutesy, lame sweaters.
"Oh this one has an adorable little train on it!" Marge cooed.
"Mom no... that's lame..." said Bart groaning.
"Buzz off Bart. I like cute things!"
"Oz how many times?! Guys do not do cute stuff!" Bart yelled.
Oscar was enthusiastically trying on the lame sweater with a train on it.
Marge smiled delighted by how cute he looked.
"The sweater is a lie!" Bart yelled and stormed off.
Marge sighed.
Homer was feeling down because Ned was mad at him.
"Mur-diddly-urderer!" Ned shouted at him.
"Murderer! Murderer! said Fizzie from Sunset Overdrive who may or may not end up being the voice of Clownja when he finally talks.
Homer rolled his eyes.
The Brockman House.
Kent's daughter was talking about Sideshow Mel's son who she knows from Morningwood Academy. Hehehehe! Morning wood...
Kent's wife didn't approve.
"For God sake, he wears a shark tooth necklace. To school? And the administrators allow that? He could have someone's eye out!" said The mom of Kent's daughter whom I'm assuming they are married.
Sideshow Mel's house.
"The Hawaiian jungle man costume is just part of my job because Krusty insisted upon it. It's not part of my culture..." said Sideshow Mel.
...
Eventually he forgave Homer. However Homer came up with a plan. He secretly had recorded Ned and made a slideshow over a videotape to sell to a dating website.
"Dad you can't just use the star wipe effect..." Lisa sighed as she helped him.
"But it's cool!" said Homer.
"What was on this tape? You did use a blank one didn't you?" Lisa asked.
"Oh there's nothing important... except Bart's birth..." Homer replied.
"Bart and Hugo's birth..." said Oscar.
Homer seethed. "Stop trying to make that canon!"
"Well it is! Hugo is real because I say so!" said Oscar.
Homer sighed.
Bart and Lisa were insulting each other.
"You look like a cartoon sun!" Bart insulted Lisa.
"Well you look like a paintbrush monster! Covered in yellow paint.
Hugo rolled his eyes and read a Jules Verne book.
"You're gay for Moleman!"
"No You're gay for Moleman!"
"Kids enough! Lisa! More star wipes!" said Homer.
Lisa sighed working on Dad's slideshow to help Ned get a date.
"Don't you think this is a bit soon?! He has barely just buried Maude!" said Oscar.
"She's probably already dating Benjamin Franklin in heaven..." said Homer.
"Well I just hired from the video store another random movie. It's a movie about time travelling cars and Michigan J. Frog!" said Oscar.
Lisa winced.
"I'm off to get some millet seed." said Hugo.
Oscar gawked at him.
"For my pigeon-rat." said Hugo.
Homer scoffed.
"Doesn't even have a proper pet..."
Hugo went out to the pet store to buy a big sack of millet seed for his pigeon-rat.
Peanut, Butter and Jelly otter were singing the Noodle Dance.
Hugo winced exasperated.
There was also the Chinese pirate captain from The Mansion Family.
"Arrrrrrr! I need more shoulder parrots..."
Hugo sighed irked as he went into the pet store.
Elevator music played throughout the store. Hugo was looking for millet seed for birds.
Ralph was looking at the hamsters.
...
Homer showed the tape to Ned.
"So that's why you squirted lemon juice in my eyes..." Ned replied as the tape showed Ned crying after getting lemon juice in his eyes.
"Now the ladies know you're a sensitive guy. They love men who cry!" said Homer.
Then the tape showed Ned in the shower naked. Showing off his gorgeous muscular physique.
"Homer!" Ned yelled.
"Stupid sexy Flanders..." said Homer aroused but disgusted that he was aroused by a man at the same time.
Bart winced giving him a freaked out look.
Eventually the tape ended but cut to Marge giving birth.
"Eeeeeeew!" Ned and Homer yelled.
Afterwards Ned wasn't sure about the whole thing.
"I dunno. I did just bury Maude..."
"You think she's not dating an eligible bachelor in heaven? Like Clark Gable... Sherlock Holmes..."
"Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character." Ned explained.
"Yeah sure he is..." said Homer.
"I dunno..." said Ned.
"Now come on Ned, those floozies we met in Vegas were all over you!" said Homer.
"What floozies?!" Marge butted in.
Homer screamed and fled.
At Suicide Records, the unfortunately named record store.
"You clod! I said Gilbert and Sullivan! Not Gilbert O'Sullivan! You imbecile! I don't like that style of music!" Sideshow Bob ranted at the store owner.
The store owner sighed.
Sideshow Bob stormed out as Oscar went to the till.
"Yeah I want to buy this Mariah Carey album."
"Can I throw in this Gilbert O'Sullivan album?" The store owner asked.
"Um... no..." said Oscar.
Lisa's room.
Lisa is reading the book on her bed until her phone rang.
"Hello?"
She soon found it was Milhouse being weird trying to ask her out. She immediately put the phone down.
Milhouse at his house sighed.
"Milhouse story time!" said Luanne.
"Stories have witches in them..." said Kirk glaring at Luanne.
Luanne shot him a filthy look.
Milhouse was playing with his trucks when Oscar suddenly popped out of his laundry basket dressed as a clown with a big red round shiny clown nose.
"Hi!"
Milhouse screamed.
Plot 4
Eventually Ned agreed to Homer's idea and the video tape was posted.
Some days later Ned received several replies from single ladies eager to go out with him.
"Well it's better than renting Hope Floats again..." said Ned.
"Yeah especially since Brandine Spuckler keeps claiming she wrote that film..." said Oscar.
They were Lindsey Neagle, Cookie Kwan and a ditzy blonde lady with a poodle. However Ned didn't like any of them, especially the last one who creeped him out.
Anyway. The funny dates...
First was a restaurant dinner with Lindsey Naegal.
"If you select me you'll get a lot more than a Wharton M.B.A. pulling in 200 K. You'll get a woman who's poised, articulate... sophisticated, confident and highly sexual." said Lindsey at dinner.
Oscar moaned extremely aroused and drooled.
Bart winced. I have no idea why those two are crashing Ned's date.
"Hang on. I'm getting a fax. Damn, I've just been indicted." said Lindsey reading her fax machine. "Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. How's your July?"
"Well, I-" said Ned.
"Mine's terrible. Let's talk in August." said Lindsey and she left.
Then Edna Krabappel's... Wait that's canon! XD. Foreshadowing!
"Mmm. Dinner was delicious, Edna. But I can't shake the feeling that you're just using me to get Principal Skinner jealous." saud Ned to Edna as they had dinner in her apartment.
"Oh, please. I don't care what Mr. "Engaged to be Engaged" thinks. Hear that, Seymour?" said Edna calling Skinner up out of spite.
"Edna, this is childish." said Skinner on the phone.
"Fine, then hang up." said Edna.
"I will hang up when he leaves." said Skinner.
Ned sighed.
"You two get together in season twenty three..." said Oscar.
"Oh thanks for the spoiler Oz..." Edna sighed.
...
One Saturday morning Ned slept in so Rod and Todd woke him for church.
"I don't wanna go." Ned replied. Rod and Todd gasped. "That's right. I'm not going. And I might not go again!" Ned addressed God apparently. "You just watch!"
However some time later Ned was dressed and desperately driving himself and the kids to church. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Ned arrived late to church to the sound of rock music. "Oh no! Some ruffians must have overpowered the reverend and are now filling the church with their devil music!" However the band was playing Christian rock. The lead singer was singing about her drinking problem and how she found hope in the bible. Ned was relieved and sat down.
After the show. Ned spoke with the lead singer, Rachel Jordon and helps her reload her truck. He explains he recently lost his wife.
"Oh that's terrible. We recently lost our drummer... to a drug addiction. I know... It's probably not the same..." Rachel explained.
"That's alright, thank you Ms Jordon. Well if your sticking around, I'll be here every Saturday, rain or shine!"
"Oh that'll be swell!" said Rachel Jordon.
Homer made sassy sounds. "Ooooooooh! Ned's in loooooove!"
Ned frowned at him.
Church parking lot.
Jimbo is beating up Kearney.
"Alright, Kearney. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom!"
"He can say what he wants about my mom. I hate her." said Oscar.
Jimbo sighed. "Buzz off dweeb..."
Oscar headed over to the Simpsons.
"I'm pretty sure that bass player was from Satanica." said Bart.
"Hugo why aren't you wearing shoes..." Marge admonished Hugo.
Hugo rolled his eyes.
...
At the Simpsons.
Marge is looking for something. "Homer, what's happened to the videotape of Bart's birth?"
Homer made a Curly noise and tugged the collar of his shirt.