"Graystripe says we can stay in ThunderClan if we want to."
Stormpaw looks at his sister, but she isn't looking at him. Her blue eyes are focused on something far away that only she can see.
"Do you want to stay?"
"Do you?"
"I asked you first."
For a moment Featherpaw doesn't say anything. Then, "Not without you or Mistyfoot."
"You think Mistyfoot would stay in ThunderClan?"
Featherpaw shrugs. "Why not. It's her mother's Clan after all, and I'm sure Firestar wouldn't turn her away."
No, Firestar was a good and fair leader who would never turn away a cat in need. He would never align himself with a tyrant, would never order his deputy to murder two innocent apprentices-
"Okay, maybe Mistyfoot would return to RiverClan, but if I stayed behind in ThunderClan, would you stay behind with me?"
Featherpaw is looking at him now, begging him for an answer. Stormpaw wishes he had one to give to her.
"Let me think about it, okay? Ask me after the Battle."
It shouldn't be that difficult of a question.
Their blood is just as much ThunderClan as it is RiverClan, and Firestar is good and fair leader, and their father is alive here, and Stormpaw does not look at their warriors and hear the sounds of their jeering as they're dragged out of an old fox den by their scruffs, thrown down at the paws of Tigerstar, shaking in terror but unable to run-
But Stonefur died to save two RiverClan apprentices. Stonefur died believing that Stormpaw would become an honorable RiverClan warrior just like his mother's kin.
It's a sacrifice that Stormpaw doesn't know if he can bring himself to waste.
The Battle with BloodClan is won, but Stormpaw isn't done fighting yet.
"If I stayed behind in ThunderClan, would you stay behind with me?"
Featherpaw's eyes are as blue as the sky before a thunderstorm and just as fierce. Maybe it's the adrenaline from the battle still humming in her blood, or maybe she really could start over in ThunderClan; make a new home for herself, put an end to her nightmares, grow closer to Graystripe and eventually start her own family…
Stormpaw knows that she wants him to say yes.
"You know, Mistyfoot has already said that she's going back to RiverClan-"
"I'm not talking about Mistyfoot right now."
"Featherpaw, we're the only kin she's got now-"
"Our father is here-"
"Stonefur is there-"
"Stonefur is dead. "
Stormpaw stiffens. Featherpaw softens.
"I miss him too," she whispers, her voice raw with grief. "That's why I don't want to go back. Leopardstar sealed his fate when she gave him that order, and I'll never forgive her for that. I can't call her my leader. I can't look at our Clanmates and forgive them for what did to us, said to us. I can't- I don't think I'll ever stop hating them."
Stormpaw stares at his sister, at a loss for words because he knows exactly what she means. He struggles with it too. But Stonefur died to save two RiverClan apprentices, to protect Mistyfoot, and of all the things that Stormpaw can do, he can't let that sacrifice be for nothing.
Still, he doesn't look Featherpaw in the eye as he prepares himself to say, "You know, we don't have to stay together. Bramblepaw didn't follow Tawnypaw to ShadowClan, and we would still see each other on patrols, at Gatherings-"
"Stormpaw, are you going back to RiverClan or not?"
It doesn't matter that he won't look her in the eye, that same fierceness is in her voice now, too. Stormpaw just nods.
Featherpaw is quiet for a long moment. Then she says, "Okay. Let's go say good-bye to everyone, then."
The four of them stand in front of the river together. There is silence except for the rushing water, the same divine water that flows through every RiverClan cat's blood; even Stormpaw's blood, dirty as it is. What an offense; what a waste of divinity, he heard cats lament as he was shoved into an old foxes' den.
Stormpaw closes his eyes and tries to block out the memory as Graystripe says, "I'm going to miss you three."
Featherpaw is leaning against his legs like she used to do when she was a kitten and he was a warrior of RiverClan. "We'll miss you too."
"You know you'll always have friends in ThunderClan, right?"
"Of course we know." Mistyfoot licked his shoulder, a sign of friendship. "ThunderClan saved our lives. We'll forever be grateful."
"I talked to Firestar about it; if you return and RiverClan doesn't feel like home anymore, you'll always have a place in ThunderClan."
Stormpaw watches Featherpaw relax a little bit at that, and his chest aches. Is she really better off in ThunderClan? Am I doing the wrong thing by not staying behind for her?
"Tell Firestar that we appreciate the offer, Graystripe. But now that I'm deputy, things are going to be very different. RiverClan is going to be our home no matter who doesn't like it." The conviction in Mistyfoot's voice despite all they've gone through in the last moon fills Stormpaw with hope. She'd lost more than him or Featherpaw, and she was still standing tall.
"I would hate to be on the end of your wrath, deputy," Graystripe purrs. He looks down at his kits. "I suppose I've held you up long enough. I wouldn't want to upset Leopardstar."
"Leopardstar can go suck snails," Featherpaw grumbles. Mistyfoot pretends to not hear her but Graystripe's whiskers twitch. He nuzzles the top of her head affectionately, rests his muzzle there for a moment, simply breathing in her scent.
Pulling away from her pains Graystripe, Stormpaw can tell. Then those amber eyes are turned on him, and Stormpaw can see his own pain reflected there. Graystripe nuzzles the top of his head and murmurs, "Go forward slowly, Stormpaw; you're going to be a great warrior. I know you'll make us all proud."
I'm sorry, Stormpaw wants to cry, but instead he bunts his head against Graystripe's and prays his father understands. He's made the decision to return to RiverClan but that doesn't mean it isn't eating him alive.
Graystripe pulls away and looks between his kits. "Take care of each other," he says in his newfound deputy voice. "And take care of Mistyfoot, too. She's not getting any younger."
Mistyfoot snorts. "Never lose your sense of humor, Graystripe. May StarClan light your path."
Then she turns around and steps into the river; it welcomes her like an old friend. She kicks off the shore and starts swimming toward home. Stormpaw could stand on ThunderClan ground all day saying goodbye and procrastinating, but it wouldn't change his decision. He resolves to step into the river and follow Mistyfoot; the river is cold and it soaks him to the bone, but he forces himself to not look back as he swims after Mistyfoot.
"I'm sorry," he can't help but overhear Featherpaw whisper, and Stormpaw ignores the burning heat behind his eyes.
Stormpaw and Featherpaw stand shoulder-to-shoulder. If either of them feels the other trembling, they keep it to themself.
It's just a den, Stormpaw thinks. A den that they were pulled out of suddenly one morning by Blackfoot and Jaggedtooth of ShadowClan, except now they called themselves TigerClan. If he tries he can still remember the fear scent that filled the den, thick enough to choke on.
"Where's Dawnpaw's nest?" Featherpaw finally asks, snapping Stormpaw from his thoughts.
"I heard somebody call her Dawnflower as we were walking into camp. I guess she got her warrior name after the Battle."
Featherpaw's ears fall flat against her head. "I was hoping we hadn't missed her Ceremony…"
"At least now we don't have to listen to her snoring," Stormpaw offers, in an attempt at humor. Featherpaw hums in sad agreement but it's the most he gets out of her.
Sighing, he says, "C'mon, let's start weaving our nests."
Nest, it turns out.
Stormpaw jerks violently from a nightmare with a scream lodged in his throat. He checks on Featherpaw to make sure he didn't wake her up, only to find that she's still wide awake.
"Can't sleep," she mumbles, despite sounding exhausted.
Stormpaw's heart beats painfully against his ribcage. He doesn't think he'll be able to fall asleep again tonight, either. "Maybe it would help if you were closer to me," he suggests, speaking over the sound of his heartbeat. "You can share my nest tonight if you want."
A little while later, they begin weaving their two nests together.
Mistyfoot lets them rest for a couple of days, and although he understands why, Stormpaw wishes she wouldn't have. He spends the days avoiding his Clanmates's stares and pretending to not overhear their whispers; the nights are long and dark and he stays alert for as long as possible, prepared to protect Featherpaw if another TigerClan warrior should burst suddenly into their den.
Training would be a welcomed distraction. But then again, it's difficult for an apprentice to train when their mentor is dead.
When Mistyfoot approaches him with Shadepelt following slowly behind, he doesn't know how to feel.
"Who better to resume your training than Stonefur's first apprentice?" Mistyfoot asks with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
Shadepelt takes a step toward him, uncertain but open; friendly. "I know I'll never replace Stonefur, but I would never want to. I just want to help you become the warrior that he always knew you could become."
Stormpaw softens. He leans forward and they touch their noses together. "Let's make him proud," he whispers.
That night, Stormpaw sleeps soundly until Featherpaw wakes up from another nightmare. He spends the rest of the night rasping his tongue across her shoulders, lulling her back to sleep.
They knew it couldn't be avoided forever. Still, neither of them are emotionally prepared for Leopardstar's first observation.
"We'll start with hunting." It's the first thing she's said to them since their return. "Catch whatever you can, as long as it's bigger than a minnow."
Stormpaw settles into position on the riverbank while Featherpaw heads further downstream. His gaze skims the surface of the water searching for a fish, but he can't set his nerves aside. He can feel Leopardstar's gaze pierce the back of his head like claws. He wishes he would have gone downstream with Featherpaw.
He hears rustling from behind and catches Shadepelt's scent; he closes his eyes and focuses on recalling Stonefur's voice the first time he explained how to catch a fish. Then he opens his eyes again and turns his attention back to the river.
Finally he strikes into the depths and hooks a trout. He kills it with a heavy paw and a quick nip and a feeling of pride rushes through him.
"Good catch," Leopardstar says. She turns to Mistyfoot and asks, "Where's your apprentice?"
Before Mistyfoot can answer, there's more rustling in the reeds and a voice calls out, "I'm here!" And then Featherpaw emerges with a squirrel in her jaws and an absolutely defiant look in her eyes.
She sets the squirrel down in front of Leopardstar's paws and doesn't flinch away from her leader's piercing gaze. "It's a little bigger than a minnow, don't you think?" Featherpaw says, and there's absolute defiance in her voice, too.
Featherpaw remains unflinching, but Stormpaw is holding his breath. Mistyfoot and Shadepelt look like they're doing the same.
Finally Leopardstar says in a cool voice, "We'll end here today, and resume with the battle training portion tomorrow."
"You shouldn't go out of your way to antagonize her."
Featherpaw snorts, and even under the cloak of night he can see the scowl on her face. "You sound like Mistyfoot."
"I'm serious, Featherpaw. She's our leader whether we like her or not."
"I did exactly what she told us to; I caught something larger than a minnow. Larger than your trout too, as a matter of fact. It'll feed all of the elders."
The elders don't even like squirrel. Nobody here does. "That's not the point, Featherpaw," Stormpaw says, growing frustrated. "We chose RiverClan, remember?"
"You chose," Featherpaw retorts, and Stormpaw's frustration spikes.
"I didn't force you to come with me," he snaps. "I said you could live in ThunderClan without me-"
"I can't live anywhere without you!" Featherpaw nearly shouts. "I can't- I don't know how to live without you!"
Stormpaw doesn't understand, but when he tries to rasp his tongue across Featherpaw's shoulders, she stands abruptly and darts out of the den. Stormpaw watches as she's devoured by the night and resists the urge to chase her.
She needs space, he thinks, even as paranoia creeps in. She's upset, and if I catch her and say the wrong thing, I'll only make it worse.
He lays awake all night long waiting for her to come back, unable to fall asleep without her warmth pressed against him.
Shadepelt leans down to his level and mutters, "Are you alright? You don't look like you slept a wink last night."
Stormpaw merely grunts in response. He watches Leopardstar pace the beech copse, her irritation growing clearer and clearer. Finally she looks at Stormpaw and asks, "You said she never came back last night?"
He nods.
Leopardstar is easy to read, or else she doesn't care to mask her emotions. He can practically see her thoughts written across her face; She's run back to ThunderClan.
Stormpaw wants to speak up and put that thought to rest, but he can't. He's worried about the exact same thing. And the idea of Featherpaw leaving in the middle of the night to join their father's Clan because Stormpaw pushed her too far makes him nauseous.
Finally Mistyfoot shows up, sans Featherpaw. Before anyone can ask a question, she raises her tail for silence. "I found her, but I think we should postpone this observation until tomorrow."
"Why?" Leopardstar challenges. "Where was she?"
Mistyfoot hesitates, then answers, "Asleep by the ThunderClan border."
In an instant, Leopardstar turns furious. "Mistyfoot, I warned you about her-"
"She's young, Leopardstar, and she's having a difficult time readjusting-"
"That's no excuse-"
"She is Silverstream's daughter-"
"No, she is Graystripe's daughter," Leopardstar snarls, and suddenly Stormpaw can't breathe. "Silverstream was not a traitor to RiverClan-"
"Neither is Featherpaw!"
"Mark my words, she will be one just like her father."
Shadepelt noses Stormpaw and asks, "Stormpaw, are you alright? You're shaking."
Mistyfoot and Leopardstar's gazes turn towards him but Stormpaw can only see Leopardstar, can only see fury in her amber eyes, amber eyes like Tigerstar, amber eyes that showed no mercy as they said, "Do as you're ordered, Stonefur."
Stonefur, Stormpaw thinks, and then his world goes dark.
He jerks awake violently and cries, "Don't exile her!"
Mudfur recoils, caught off guard. "Don't exile who?" he asks. Behind him, Mistyfoot and Shadepelt watch with concern.
"Featherpaw," Stormpaw blurts out. "She's not a traitor, she's just angry and confused and she misses Graystripe, but, but if Leopardstar exiles Featherpaw, then she's going to have to exile me too! I won't stay here without her!"
"Stormpaw, slow down," Mistyfoot says, as he pants for breath. "Leopardstar isn't exiling anybody today, least of all Featherpaw. You're overreacting."
"Don't tell me I'm overreacting, Mistyfoot!" Stormpaw snaps. "You heard what she said; Featherpaw is going to be a traitor just like her father!"
"Leopardstar said that?" Mudfur asked in disbelief, and Stormpaw's frustration reaches a point.
"How could you possibly sound surprised by that?! She's the same leader who ordered Stonefur to kill us!"
Somehow the entire world falls silent. Stormpaw realizes that his voice must have carried outside the den and into camp; he can't bring himself to care.
Mistyfoot looks stricken, and Shadepelt looks helpless. As much as he doesn't want to, he can't help but care about that.
He shoves his way out of the den and streaks out of camp.
For now, Sunningrocks belongs to ThunderClan.
Privately, Stormpaw hopes they're allowed to keep it forever. He crouches down underneath a bed of cattails and watches as ThunderClan warriors sun themselves on the rocks, sharing tongues and prey, and the breeze carries their laughter all the way back to him.
Stormpaw realizes that he hasn't laughed since they left ThunderClan. Not for the first time, he wonders if he made the wrong decision.
This is why nobody trusts half-Clan cats, he tells himself, bitter. It's different for Mistyfoot and Stonefur, who didn't find out about their real mother until after they were respected warriors; it's different for Stormpaw and Featherpaw, who have always known the truth, has always known that there are two different kinds of blood in their veins.
Since he was a kit, he has been told that the river is special; the river is divine. And all RiverClan cats carry strands of the river in their blood, making their very blood divine. That is why Crookedstar waged war against ThunderClan when Stormkit and Featherkit were born; they carry the divine with them.
But while they were fugitives in ThunderClan, Stormpaw heard another story; that ThunderClan's blood hums with power. There is something in ThunderClan's blood that gives them the courage of lions, the might of storms, the ability to overcome whatever comes against them.
Stormpaw is trying to be a good, respectable RiverClan cat. He's trying to make Stonefur proud.
But sometimes his blood is calm and still like the river; other times it hums like thunder on the horizon. In those times, Stormpaw doesn't truly know where he belongs; if he belongs anywhere for that matter.
So he makes a choice. He chooses Mistyfoot, Stonefur, RiverClan, again and again, every day.
He watches the ThunderClan warriors on Sunningrocks and wonders if anyone can simply choose where they belong.
When he returns to camp he expects all eyes to turn to him.
Nobody even glances his way. They're watching two kits tumble over each other in the sand, as a tawny-colored queen watches on. Leopardstar sits close beside her, murmuring.
Stormpaw is at a loss. RiverClan's Nursery is empty.
"RiverClan's newest members, I think," Featherpaw explains, sliding up beside him. "Mosspelt and Emberdawn found them by the bridge. The queen asked to be brought to Leopardstar."
"By name?" Stormpaw asks, surprised.
"Apparently so."
How would a loner know Leopardstar by name? Well, regardless, he's thankful that his outburst won't be the juiciest piece of gossip around camp tonight.
As if she can read his mind (and sometimes Stormpaw thinks she can), Featherpaw clears her throat and says, "I heard about what happened earlier, in the medicine den. Thank you for sticking up for me."
"Duh. I'll always stick up for you, fish-brain."
Featherpaw snorts. Then she adds, quieter, "I'm sorry I didn't come back to the den last night. If I would have, it would have saved you and Mistyfoot some trouble. I didn't mean to fall asleep by the border."
Stormpaw hasn't decided if he's angry with his sister for that, yet. He thinks he ought to be, but then he remembers watching the ThunderClan warriors on Sunningrocks and longing to join them.
Finally he says, "Just don't do it again."
"Okay, I won't."
"Promise?"
Featherpaw watches the two kits wrestling in the sand along with everyone else, but Stormpaw doesn't think she's really paying attention to them.
"Sure, Stormpaw."
Leopardstar has to assess their battle skills eventually. The beech copse is abuzz with nervous energy. On one side, Featherpaw is crouched in position but her entire body is rigid. On the other side, Stormpaw is already fighting his own battle. It's difficult to breathe again.
"Begin," Leopardstar commands.
Nobody moves.
Storrmpaw is frozen in place. Featherpaw has a haunted look on her face. If Stormpaw raises his gaze a hair then he'll meet Mistyfoot's eye, and it's not hard to imagine Stonefur in her place. They're nearly identical after all.
"I said, begin," Leopardstar repeats herself, and Leopardstar hates repeating herself, and Stormpaw can hear the impatience in her voice. If he glances at her then he can probably see it written all over her face.
Featherpaw takes a step toward him, about to burst into tears.
"No," Stormpaw manages to growl. He stands up. "I'm not fighting her."
Shadepelt brushes against his side. "Stormpaw, it's just practice."
"I don't care! We're not going to fight each other, we're never going to fight each other!"
"Then how do you expect to improve your skill?" Leopardstar demands. "This is the exact same training that every RiverClan apprentice has undergone."
"I'll spar with somebody else," Stormpaw argues. "Anybody else. But I won't touch Featherpaw."
"You can't make us," Featherpaw adds, strongly.
Leopardstar looks at Mistyfoot, and he can tell that her patience is running thin. Stormpaw wonders what will happen when it finally snaps in half.
"Fine," Leopardstar finally growls. "Mistyfoot, Shadepelt, I wish you the best of luck training these two. StarClan knows you're going to need it."
Mistyfoot dismisses Shadepelt; says this is a matter of kin.
"You can't keep doing this if you ever want to become warriors," she starts in a firm voice. "You don't realize how difficult you're making things for yourselves."
"Would you fight Stonefur after what happened at Bonehill?" Stormpaw challenges.
He regrets it. The pain that flashes in Mistyfoot's eyes cuts like a claw. He lowers his gaze, ashamed.
"No," she finally answers softly. "I wouldn't. Which is why nobody is going to force you to do the same. But I need to ask you both a question, and I need you to answer honestly: do you want to be RiverClan warriors? Or do you want to join ThunderClan?"
Featherpaw immediately looks at him. Stormpaw knows that whatever answer he gives Mistyfoot, Featherpaw will echo it.
He thinks about watching ThunderClan warriors on Sunningstones. He thinks about Stonefur teaching him how to fish for the first time. He feels his blood begin to hum.
Choose, it sings.
"Do you hate me?"
His chin is resting on her back. He feels her shift underneath him.
"Why would I hate you, Stormpaw?"
It's sweet of her to play dumb. "Because I chose RiverClan, so you chose RiverClan."
"I chose you," Featherpaw says. She moves out from underneath him and her eyes glow in the moonlight. "Wherever you go, I'll go. Wherever you stay, I'll stay."
"But you wish I would have chosen ThunderClan."
Featherpaw looks away, which is all the answer he needs. "It doesn't matter," she deflects. "You had the courage to make the choice. That's what's important here."
"If you decided to leave and join ThunderClan, I wouldn't resent you for it.
"But would you follow me?"
Stormpaw looks away, which is all the answer she needs.
"Then we're both staying in RiverClan," Featherpaw says, and it's final. She licks the top of his head and adds, "Besides, Graystripe told me to take care of you."
"Fish-brain, he told us to take care of each other."
She shrugs, smirking. "Maybe, but I have a feeling I'm going to be the one saving your tail in the end."
It'll feel weird to have denmates again, thinks Stormpaw, watching as Leopardstar performs the first apprentice ceremony since his own. Ironic that it's two kits without a drop of Clan blood.
Mothpaw, a dappled golden she-cat, is bright-eyed and curious. She's apprenticed to Emberdawn.
Hawkpaw, a brown tabby tom with ice-blue eyes, stands tall and proud. He's apprenticed to Leopardstar herself.
Stormpaw and Featherpaw exchange looks, and he sees his own unease reflected in her own eyes.
It's only been a few days since their ceremony, but so far nothing has happened to justify their unease. Hawkpaw and Mothpaw are protective of each other, but Stormpaw has no stones to throw. They spend the days touring the territory with their mentors, the evenings with their mother, and the nights to themselves, only ever asking a question or two.
Then one night Stormpaw is prodded awake. He's surprised to see Hawkpaw standing over him.
"Your sister is gone," Hawkpaw hisses, and alarms go off inside Stormpaw's head.
Hawkpaw wants to follow Stormpaw out of camp, but if he's right about where Featherpaw has disappeared off to, then it's important that he goes alone. He refuses to leave camp until he's certain that he's not being trailed and then he runs all the way to the ThunderClan border.
His assumption is almost correct; Featherpaw sits on one side of the river but he didn't expect to find Graystripe on the other side of the river.
Stormpaw crouches beneath a reedbed and strains to hear what they're saying:
"... two new apprentices. Their mother is a loner."
"Ironic for Leopardstar to take in loners, much less mentor one herself."
"That's what Stormpaw said."
"How is he adjusting to being back in RiverClan?"
"Better than me, at least. I think it's easier for him to forget about the things they said to us, the things they did to us. It's easier for him to forgive them."
Stormpaw recoils. He crawls out from underneath the reedbed entirely. She's fine, he thinks to himself but his head feels cloudy. He heads quietly back to camp.
"Did you find her?"
Stormpaw barely glances at Hawkpaw as he settles back into his nest; his nest that feels too big without Featherpaw to share it with.
"Yeah. She's fine."
"Why didn't you bring her back with you?"
"I said she's fine," Stormpaw repeats himself, and he doesn't mean for there to be an edge in his voice, but oh well. Hawkpaw needs to learn to mind his own business. He only feels a little bit guilty when the younger cat doesn't say anything else to him that night.
She's wrong, Stormpaw thinks, head still cloudy. It's not easy for me to forget and forgive, I just actually want to be happy in RiverClan, and she's determined to be miserable. That's not my fault. It's not my fault she won't just join ThunderClan even though it's clearly what she wants. I'm doing this for Stonefur, and for Mistyfoot.
And then a little quieter, a little lonelier, he wonders, How long has she been meeting up with Graystripe?
At least she's more careful about sneaking out now. As dawnlight trickles into their den and wakes him up, Featherpaw is curled against his side like she was there all night.
Stormpaw steps over her and slips out of the den to begin grooming his pelt. Most of the Clan is still asleep, but he can hear voices softly murmuring. Curious, he follows them and is surprised to find Leopardstar and Sasha sitting by the river behind the Nursery.
They're less than a tail-length apart until Leopardstar brushes against Sasha's side, and then they stay like that. Just murmuring to each other, just enjoying the peace that dawn brings. Sasha turns her face to bury it in Leopardstar's fur.
Oh, Stormpaw thinks. Maybe this is why Leopardstar chose to mentor a loner's kit.
Then, as if she can read his thoughts (and he's pretty certain that she can at this point), Featherpaw whispers, "Do you suppose this is why she chose to mentor Hawkpaw?"
"It's as good a guess as any. Speaking of Hawkpaw." Stormpaw signals for her to follow him away from the couple. "He noticed you snuck out last night. What am I supposed to tell cats if they ask me where you are, Featherpaw? I can't exactly tell them that you're meeting with our ThunderClan father."
Something flashes in Featherpaw's eyes. "How did you-"
"I followed your scent, obviously. Do you know how weird it would have looked to Hawkpaw if I hadn't of?"
"Okay, I'm sorry, I should have told you. Next time just tell them that I've gone to the dirtplace or something."
"Next time?" Stormpaw doesn't bother trying to hide his frustration.
"Yes, next time." Featherpaw meets his gaze evenly. "I'm not going to stop meeting with him. It's only going to be every claw-moon, and it- it makes everything a little bit easier for me. A little bit happier." She looks away, now. "You wouldn't understand."
Yes I would. I miss him too, and sometimes I wish we had stayed behind in ThunderClan, and I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Leopardstar or our Clanmates the same way ever again, but I have to try, at least. Stonefur would want me to try.
Stonefur is dead and Stormpaw is exhausted.
"Whatever you say, Featherpaw. Just try not to get caught again."
He's squaring off against Shadepelt when Leopardstar enters with beech copse with Hawkpaw in tow. Stormpaw gets out of position and eyes the pair.
"Leopardstar," Shadepelt greets, sounding happier to see her leader than Stormpaw could ever imagine feeling. "What brings you by? Did you and Hawkpaw want to work on battle training?"
"Something like that," Leopardstar agrees. "Hawkpaw wanted to watch a session."
The young apprentice nods silently, but he's practically quivering with energy. Stormpaw's whiskers twitch, amused. I guess even nonClan-bornes look forward to fighting.
"Ah, I see. Well then you better put on a good show, Stormpaw." Shadepelt flicks him with her tail before slipping back into an offensive stance; he falls back into a defensive one.
He strikes first. Shadepelt blocks his first few strikes easily enough but Stormpaw keeps coming, keeps darting around her and landing blows where he can. He's not particularly graceful but he's powerful and he doesn't quit. Eventually he lands a heavy strike to Shadepelt's side and unsteadies her; she raises her tail to end the match.
"That last one was really strong," she praises him. "You're really coming along well, Stormpaw."
"He still fights like a ThunderClan warrior."
Stormpaw had forgotten that Leopardstar was even there. He turns to face her, frowning. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You waste precious energy. You fight as long and as hard as you can until you manage a lucky blow, and that might work for those brutes across the river, but that's not how we fight."
"This is the style that best suits him, Leopardstar," Shadepelt cuts in.
"I'm built like my brutish father, in case you've forgotten," Stormpaw adds bitterly.
Leopardstar narrows her eyes. "That's not an excuse," she says. "Hawkpaw has no Clan blood and he's picked up on our style easily enough. It's not difficult to do if you really try."
The comparison draws a smirk from Hawkpaw; he meets Stormpaw's eye. Stormpaw bites back a growl. "Yeah right. He's not even been training for a moon."
"You wanna bet?" Hawkpaw finally says, and there's no mistaking the challenge in his voice.
"Calm down, you two," Shadepelt starts, but Leopardstar raises her tail for silence.
"That's not a bad idea, actually. Shadepelt, why don't you and Stormpaw take a seat and watch."
It's not a question. Shadepelt doesn't look thrilled that her training session is being interrupted but she's not bold enough to argue with Leopardstar. She catches Stormpaw's eye and gestures for him to follow her to the edge of the clearing.
Leopardstar and Hawkpaw slip into the same positions that Shadepelt and Stormpaw had been in. Leopardstar waits for Hawkpaw to strike, and as soon as he moves, Stormpaw understands exactly what they're talking about.
Hawkpaw flows like the river; quick, fluid, dangerous. There's something mesmerizing about the way he moves, the way he lands his strikes. Stormpaw can't take his eyes off the other apprentice even as anger builds in his chest.
He's not as advanced as Stormpaw yet, but he's catching up quickly. Leopardstar remarks as much after she ends their match, and she shoots Stormpaw a meaningful look.
Stormpaw is rigid. He can hear his blood hum in his ears, like the moment before a storm breaks. He doesn't hold back as he says, "It's easy when one style is all you know, but I spent a moon training with a ThunderClan mentor after Stonefur was killed, remember?"
Beside him, Shadepelt's breath hitches. Hawkpaw's eyes widen, both shocked and confused; so Leopardstar hasn't told him about the shadow that will follow her all the way to her grave.
Leopardstar narrows her eyes and says with deathly calm, "How could I forget?"
Shadepelt doesn't know how to scold him. She can't let him get away with disrespecting Leopardstar, but she'll never tell him to sit there and take Leopardstar's jabs; at least she acknowledges that Leopardstar seems to go out of her way to antagonize him.
She's talking to Mistyfoot about it now. Stormpaw watches them from across camp; Mistyfoot keeps shooting him withered glances. She probably doesn't know how to punish him either, judging by the way that Featherpaw still gets away with her attitude toward their leader.
He's tired of waiting around. He ducks behind the Nursery to sip from the stream; he stops when he spots Leopardstar and Sasha again. This time, though, they're locked in a heated exchange.
Stormpaw can't overhear what they're arguing about, but Leopardstar's fur bristles along her spine; Sasha's eyes, ice-blue like her son's, are imploring. Stormpaw knows he should give them their privacy but it's like the moment before disaster strikes and he can't look away.
He catches Hawkpaw and Mothpaw's names. He strains to hear what they're saying.
"Eavesdropping now, are you?"
He spins around and comes face to face with an unimpressed Mistyfoot. He ducks his head. "I wanted a drink," he mumbles.
"Mhm. Come with me."
He follows her, guilty, but he doesn't miss the curiosity in her eyes when she looks back over her shoulder at the arguing couple.
"I understand why you and Featherpaw struggle with Leopardstar. I struggle with her too, more than either of you will ever know. But listen to me, Stormpaw: my brother is not a wound that you can reopen whenever you want to hurt her, or me, or anybody else. Whatever your disagreements are about, keep Stonefur out of them. Have I made myself clear?"
"Yes, Mistyfoot."
How? Stormpaw wonders, staring up at the ceiling of their den, Featherpaw buried deep into his side. How do I keep Stonefur out of it when everything always comes back to him?
The next morning, nobody knows where Sasha is.
Leopardstar's jaw is tense and her eyes are dark, but when Mistyfoot tries to send out search patrols for her that night, Leopardstar says to not waste their time. Sasha isn't coming back.
Leopardstar orders Mistyfoot to quit assigning Hawkpaw and Mothpaw to patrol the ThunderClan and WindClan borders.
The apprentice den has been quiet for days. Then, out of the blue, Mothpaw asks, "What does it mean to be half-Clan?"
Stormpaw looks up from grooming his paws; Featherpaw turns to face Mothpaw, confused. "What?"
"I overheard Blackclaw earlier. He said that Hawkpaw and I should get along well with you both, since none of us have pure blood. But he called you two half-Clan, and I've never heard that before."
There's a pit in Stormpaw's stomach. "Ignore anything Blackclaw says. He's a bully."
"So you're not half-Clan?"
"No, we are," Featherpaw explains, choosing her words carefully. "Our mother was a RiverClan warrior, but our father is a ThunderClan warrior. He's the deputy now, actually."
"Who's your mother? I don't think I've met her yet."
"She's dead," Stormpaw says, blunt. "Her name was Silverstream."
Mothpaw's eyes widen slightly. "How did she die?"
"She lost too much blood when she was kitting," Featherpaw says, quietly. "Leopardstar's mother died the same way." Stormpaw looks at his sister, then; I didn't know that.
"I'm sorry," Mothpaw says, and she sounds genuine. "At least we were lucky to have Sasha for so long…" she trails off and the atmosphere in the den becomes tense; Hawkpaw glares stubbornly outside the den. "But we've never met our father, so we have that in common. And, hey, it's neat that yours is a deputy. What's he like?"
"Graystripe is great. He's brave and funny, and compassionate." She glances at Stormpaw and adds, "He's a lot like Stormpaw, actually." When cats compare him to his father it's not usually a compliment, but coming from Featherpaw it's high praise. It draws a smile from him.
He looks at Mothpaw and asks, "Did Sasha ever tell you anything about your father?"
"No." It's Hawkpaw who answers, still glaring outside of the den, and now the atmosphere inside the den is ice cold. "She never talked about him." His voice is hard and warns don't ask again.
Mothpaw looks like she's biting her tongue.
Stormpaw and Featherpaw exchange glances, and he can read her mind: they're lying.
Time is a trick. It feels like the Battle with BloodClan was only a few days ago, but now RiverClan crowds around the rockpile as they wait for Leopardstar to announce who will be attending that night's Gathering; the first since Scourge was defeated and TigerClan was dismantled.
"The cats attending tonight's Gathering are Mudfur, Mistyfoot, Skyheart, Heavystep, Dawnflower, Shadepelt, Stormpaw, and Featherpaw."
Stormpaw and Featherpaw immediately exchange delighted glances. He doesn't even have to try to read her mind, he knows they're both thinking it.
Graystripe.
They're whispering excitedly to each other at the back of the patrol when Mistyfoot drops back and murmurs, "We need to talk before we reach Fourtrees. I had to convince Leopardstar to bring you both tonight."
"Thank you!" Featherpaw chips, brushing her head against Mistyfoot's shoulder.
"Don't thank me yet. Listen. You both understand how important it is to be loyal." Slowly, Stormpaw's smile fades. He knows exactly where this is going. "You're more than welcome to socialize with ThunderClan tonight, but don't… don't overdo it. Don't make any scenes. Don't give anyone a reason to doubt where either of your loyalties lies."
"We chose RiverClan, didn't we?" Stormpaw asks, defensive.
"Yes, you did, but there are still cats who don't quite trust you yet; stars, there are still cats who don't trust me anymore, even though we grew up believing my blood was pure." She's looking ahead as she talks to them, waiting for Leopardstar's signal to storm Fourtrees, but there's no disguising the edge in her voice. "Just be mindful tonight, is all I'm saying."
They stand off to the side, awkwardly watching as Graystripe and Sandstorm socialize with the other Clans. Stormpaw doesn't know how to act now; how is he supposed to greet his father, the new ThunderClan deputy, in a way that doesn't provoke his own Clanmates? And what if- what if Graystripe is worried about the same thing and he decides to ignore them? What if-
Graystripe's gaze lands on them and his eyes light up. "Stormpaw, Featherpaw! I was hoping you would both be here tonight!"
He shoves off some very important cats from WindClan and ShadowClan and heads straight for them, and Stormpaw has to swallow the emotion that clogs his throat. "Hi, dad."
Without thinking, they both brush against their father, purring loud enough that every cat standing in Fourtrees can hear them. Stormpaw doesn't care. Let them question his loyalty; he's made his choice. Now he's going to enjoy being reunited with his father.
"You've both gotten so big! And, Featherpaw, you look so much like your mother."
"If Featherpaw looks like her mother, then Stormpaw looks like his father," Sandstorm says, coming to join them. She touches her nose to Featherpaw's, her former apprentice. "How is life in RiverClan?"
They talk for a little while until Sandstorm offers to introduce them to ThunderClan's newest apprentices, Sorrelpaw, Rainpaw and Sootpaw, and then the trio of littermates ask if Stormpaw and Featherpaw will sit with them as the leaders give their reports.
Stormpaw knows that they should politely decline and opt to sit with their own Clanmates; it would be a great demonstration of loyalty.
But pureblood cats are allowed to sit with whomever they like. They don't have to worry about their loyalty being called into question over a few friendly conversations.
And that's what he'll tell Mistyfoot later that night when she shakes her head at them both; he'll say it to Leopardstar's face too, defiant as ever.
But he won't add, Besides, it was nice to play pretend.
Stormpaw does his best to pay attention to the leader's reports, but he keeps getting distracted by Featherpaw and Sorrelpaw's whispering; every time he goes to scold Featherpaw, though, he's struck by how happy she looks. He hasn't seen her this happy since, since…
Since they lived in ThunderClan.
He reminds himself that Featherpaw has made it clear that she is never going to join ThunderClan without him. So long as Stormpaw is loyal to RiverClan, then so is she.
He lets her be happy until Sootpaw finally snaps at them both for giggling.
The reports end and cats are saying goodbye to each other. Stormpaw and Featherpaw stand by and wait to say goodbye to Graystripe, when suddenly-
"Um, hi. Long time no see."
Stormpaw is staring into a familiar pair of amber eyes and he forgets how to breathe. Fear grips him, icy and cold, and he can hear Tigerstar's voice in his ear: Kill them, Stonefur.
"I meant to say hello earlier but you guys have been pretty popular all night. How is everything in RiverClan?"
"Oh, hi, Bramblepaw!" Featherpaw nudges Stormpaw, breaking him from his stupor. "RiverClan is alright. How do you like your new denmates?"
Bramblepaw seems to sense Stormpaw's unease; he has to force himself to look back at Featherpaw. "They're not bad. Sorrelpaw would talk all night long if we let her, but it's nice to have the company. I've been the only apprentice ever since Ferncloud and Ashfur got their warrior names."
"I know, that's so exciting! I didn't get to talk to them tonight, but tell them I said congratulations!"
"Sure, I'll tell them."
"Thanks. Say, I haven't seen Tawnypaw tonight. Is she here?"
A shadow passes across Bramblepaw's face. "No, she's not. I guess she hasn't proved her loyalty to ShadowClan yet."
Stormpaw looks up, where the four are murmuring goodbyes to each other; Blackstar sits tall and proud and smug like he's always belonged there. Like he hasn't sat at the base of the rock for moons as he's served two of the cruelest leaders the forest has ever seen.
Like he isn't a murderer.
If Stormpaw stares at Blackstar much longer then he's going to start seeing red. And if he stands here and makes small talk with Tigerstar's son much longer then he's not going to be able to hide his discomfort anymore.
"Leopardstar is calling us back," Stormpaw says, even though she's clearly not. "We've got to go."
Bramblepaw isn't stupid. He casts his gaze to the side, something akin to ashamed, and mutters, "Yeah, I should be getting back to ThunderClan, too. Um, it was nice seeing you two again."
"You, too," Stormpaw replies, impassive.
They follow the patrol back to camp silently, until Stormpaw finally whispers, "They have the exact same eyes."
"Yeah," Featherpaw replies in a small voice. "I know."
Back in RiverClan, Hawkpaw has been a ball of piss.
"I don't understand why we weren't chosen to attend the Gathering," he complains. "Leopardstar says that I'm the most talented apprentice in the Clan, so I should have been allowed to go!"
Stormpaw resists the urge to smother Hawkpaw. "You're right, that is odd. It's almost like she's just telling you what you want to hear."
Hawkpaw glares at him. "You want to go right now? I'll show you just how good I am."
"Can you both be quiet?" Mothpaw pleads. "I have to be on a dawn patrol tomorrow morning!"
"Hunting or border?" Featherpaw asks, defeated like she's accepted the fact that Hawkpaw isn't going to be quiet anytime soon.
"Hunting."
"That's another thing!" Hawkpaw cries. "How long has it been since Mothpaw or I were sent to patrol a Clan border? Is Leopardstar trying to keep us a secret or something? Why would she want to keep us secret?"
Feeling petty, Stormpaw mutters, "Maybe it's because you're ugly."
Hawkpaw launches himself across the den with a screech and lands squarely on top of Stormpaw. Mothpaw tries to intervene but Featherpaw stops her with a sigh and says, "Don't. Maybe they'll wear each other out."
Shadepelt eyes the new scratch on Stormpaw's muzzle. "Where did you get that?"
"He called Hawkpaw ugly," Featherpaw laughs before Stormpaw can think of a clever lie.
Shadepelt purrs and shakes her head before leaving to join Dawnflower at the head of the patrol.
Maybe it's because Hawkpaw won't stop bragging about how he's going to get his warrior name before Stormpaw, or maybe it's because the scratch on his muzzle still stings, but Stormpaw really, really wants to put Hawkpaw in his place.
When he says as much to Hawkpaw, the other tom looks up at him, confused; Stormpaw notices a scratch on his shoulder. "You're challenging me?" he repeats. "You're older than me, fish-brain!"
"Sounds like you're scared I'll give you another one of those," Stormpaw says, nodding to the scratch on his shoulder.
Hawkpaw hardens. "Leopardstar won't go for it."
"Why? Because then you'll realize that you're not the most talented apprentice in the Clan and she has been lying to you?"
There it is; fire sparks in Hawkpaw's eyes.
"When and where?" he demands.
Stormpaw ropes Featherpaw into serving as a referee, to make sure that Hawkpaw doesn't cheat. Featherpaw ropes Mothpaw into coming along so that they can laugh at their brothers together. Stormpaw gives them strict instructions to not interfere with the match.
"You're taking this very seriously," Featherpaw says, as they sneak out of camp. Hawkpaw and Mothpaw are a few lengths ahead of them.
"I'm sick of listening to Hawkpaw run his mouth."
"Cut him some slack," Featherpaw replies, lowering her voice. "You know he's just acting out because Sasha left."
"Wow, I can't imagine how it feels to not have a mother."
Featherpaw shoulders him. "You know what I mean. Just don't go too hard on him, that's all. We both know you're going to win anyway."
A little while later Stormpaw is on his back looking up at Hawkpaw, and he has no idea how he got there.
"Uh," Featherpaw says, equally as confused. "Hawkpaw wins."
"He cheated," Stormpaw hisses.
"Stormpaw, I swear I was watching the entire time: he didn't."
"Ready to admit that I'm better than you?" Hawkpaw asks, smug.
Stormpaw grits his teeth and says, "You just got lucky. I'll show you this time."
Stormpaw wins the second match.
Hawkpaw wins the third match.
Stormpaw wins the fourth match, but arguably because he's got more endurance. Hawkpaw's legs are shaking and it's easy to pin him.
"Again," Hawkpaw demands. "Just you wait til I get my paws on you-"
"Big talk from someone who's still on his back," Stormpaw retorts.
"I think that's enough," Mothpaw speaks up. "If you two go on for much longer then you're going to pass out."
"We have to go one more round," Stormpaw protests. "We've both won two, so this didn't prove anything!"
Featherpaw retorts, "It proves you're evenly matched. I'm with Mothpaw."
Stormpaw and Hawkpaw glare at each other from across the copse, and he swears that electricity crackles between them, urging them on.
Featherpaw brushes up against him and says, "Don't forget that Mistyfoot wanted to share tongues with us this evening. She'll be waiting for us soon."
Finally, Stormpaw tears his gaze from Hawkpaw's. He can think straight again. "Fine. We'll settle this another time."
"Mouse-heart," Hawkpaw spits, and Featherpaw practically drags Stormpaw back to camp while Mothpaw sits on her own brother.
A rivalry is born.
Who can catch the biggest fish? Who can stand in the deepest part of the river? Who can leap the highest? Who can stay awake the longest?
At one point Mothpaw jokes that they should see who can stay quiet the longest, and Stormpaw goes an entire days without speaking; he wins that one because Hawkpaw can only go so long without boasting about something.
Leopardstar and Shadepelt can only watch their apprentices, utterly confused.
Welcome to my Stormfur character study. This was originally meant to be a long one-shot but eventually it got too long, so there will be a few more chapters. I'm not sure when they'll be published so subscribe and while you're here, if you enjoyed it, please leave a comment as well. They're the best form of encouragement :) You can find me on Tumblr under the same user.
Finally, in lieu of allegiances but you want to keep RiverClan sort of organized, this is who is alive: Leopardstar, Mudfur, Mistyfoot, Blackclaw, Heavystep, Skyheart, Mosspelt, Emberdawn, Shadepelt, Dawnflower, Stormfur, Feathertail, Hawkpaw, Mothpaw, Grasswhisker, Sedgecreek, Loudbelly.