hi my loves!
ahhhh i am so excited! we finally made it to defiance!
so, little note's on this story. 1- we will be switching between katniss and cato's pov quite a bit. i wanted to give some insight into katniss's head and ofc everyone knows i love writing in cato's pov too so that's where we will be going with this. plus it will make telling this story a lot easier. 2- i decided to cut out gale's feelings for katniss. in this story, he will be more like an older brother. why? there's a lot of reasons. first, we've already had 2 guys be absolutely in love with katniss (cato and peeta) and not every single man katniss comes into contact with can be hopelessly in love with her. second, why write a love triangle when the choice has already been made. katniss isn't going to end up with gale. period. so why bother? third, okay i really disliked gale in the original series. i so understand the whole he represents war and peeta represents peace thing i do. but dude, she just came back from a fight to the death against 23 other people and you're pouting bc she kissed someone else? no. and also gale has that line in mockingjay where he's like "it's like kissing someone who's drunk, it doesn't count" and NO. no sir. that line never sat right with me, and also he ends up being a war criminal. so what do you know, we're giving yet another major character an emotional overhaul! we might as well! 3- i started doing this in volunteer but i wanted to mention this for this story. some of the chapter titles will be song titles. (no this chapter is not referring to taylor swift's masterpiece that is the song haunted, but it's fine if you make that reference) obviously, from my username you can tell that i love music. i was listening to the song washing machine heart on repeat around the time that i started writing volunteer and so it ended up being my username on and i just continued the theme over here. anyways, i thought i would mention it so you guys could listen to the songs and get a feel for what the vibe is that chapter if i do it.
so, that being said- onto this chapter. we're starting out slow with a lil glimpse into katniss's head and updates on what's going on in 12. we're picking up on the morning before the victory tour as in the original books. you'll notice that the dialogue and most of the scene follows the first scene from the catching fire movie, and truly thats because i really do like that scene and think it does an excellent job of showing katniss's mental state. so, enough said... i hope you guys enjoy and i am so happy to share this with you all!

Everyone knew that the woods were Katniss's favorite place. The sounds, the smell, it was the only place she could go where she still felt her father's presence. He was everywhere, in every chirp of the birds, in the handcrafted bow in her hand, in the wind as it blew across her face. He was still alive here. But after the games, that peace had been ripped away from her. It took weeks for her to gain the courage to step foot in a place that looked so much like the arena, months for her to pick up a bow again, even longer for her to shoot it. Even now, 6 months after they left the games, she still felt ghosts at the edges of her mind. Memories of the growls of the mutts, the swarm of tracker jackers surrounding Glimmer, the way it felt to feel the poison begin to spread in her body, Peeta's scream as Marvel speared his thigh. It was all at the edges of her vision as she sat on a rock waiting for Gale. And she hated it. The rage that consumed her, rage for the Capitol, for taking away her favorite place, for tarnishing her father's memory, for all of it; it ate away at her slowly.

Katniss's life, for all other purposes, was the best it ever had been. The people of her district looked healthier than they ever had thanks to the monthly parcels delivered to them. Prim and her mother were never hungry, they never wanted for a thing. Gale's family was doing better. Haymitch had hired Hazelle as a housekeeper and paid her handsomely. He had even gifted Posy, Gale's 5-year-old little sister, her first winter coat not a few weeks ago. And Haymitch himself had been brought to life. Maybe it was finally bringing home a victor, maybe it was the simmering rebellion on the horizon, maybe it was Sera, Cato's mother. The drunken man met her for the first time, and within a week he was more sober than Katniss had ever seen him, his house was cleaned up, and he had orders troves of new clothes from the Capitol. Sera and Haymitch seemed to spend a lot of time together, and Katniss was too smart to think they had just formed a friendship as they claimed. And Alice, Cato's sister, she could be Prim's twin. The two girls went everywhere together, did everything together. Hell, they even slept in the same bed the majority of the time. They would always be at either Cato's or her house, giggling and laughing in their rooms. Alice was a happy girl, and she reminded Katniss of her brother. Katniss felt as if she had gained another sister in the girl.

And Cato, he was her light. He had flourished in 12, his cold, hard career mask down for good. Katniss was aware just how gentle and kind he could be, but here it was just so glaringly obvious. He spent a lot of time with the girls, constantly taking them shopping in the market, playing games with them, helping Prim with her goat, letting Alice teach him how play the piano; he came alive around those two girls. And Katniss felt herself fall deeper and deeper in love with him every day, watching the way he lit up. He was her rock, the only person who could understand how she felt. But Katniss knew better than anyone how he was haunted, just like her, it had been getting worse with the Victory tour coming up. The prospect of having to face the families of the tributes they had murdered, the threats from the Capitol over their stunt with the berries. Katniss knew that his nightmares were worse than ever, with the shadows forming under his eyes and the tortured look on his face when he thought nobody was looking.

A twig snapped behind her, pulling her from her thoughts. She didn't even think about it, her hands knocking an arrow and taking aim faster than she ever had before the games. The sound of the mutts snarling echoed in her ears, and for a moment she swore she saw one running towards her. Her fingers twitched on the string, aching to let go, before a voice snapped her out of it.

"Woah, woah, easy. It's just me." Gale said, raising his hand at her. She took a deep breath, losing the tension on the string as she lowered the bow. Gale knew better than to ask, so instead he just looked around and pretended like nothing had happened.

"I saw some turkeys on the way here, they just walked right in front of me like I wasn't even there." He said, changing the subject.

"How rude of them." Katniss scoffed, placing the arrow back in her quiver and climbing off the rock. She frowned at the sad look in Gale's eyes as he spoke again, "That's what happens. You spend 6 days a week working in the mines and goddamn birds start to think they own these woods."

Katniss couldn't imagine what kind of hell that must be for him. Gale was like her, only really alive in the woods, and she supposed that it had been taken away from him too.

At least he gets to enjoy it when he gets the chance to come out here.

The selfish voices in her head only made her cringe a little as she adjusted her game bag. Gale was in a hell of his own, working in the same mines his father had died in. Katniss had been down there a few times for school trips. She had felt like she was dying every moment she spent in those dark, cramped tunnels with their dirty air and the darkness that consumed them. Once, she had even made herself sick to get out of going to the mines. So, she knew it was unfair to compare the struggles that Gale had to her own. She looked at his eyes, a hollow look in them that had never been there before he began working in the mines, the coal dust that seemed to permanently stain his hands and faked a small smile for him.

"How about we check the snares, and then we'll go get a fat turkey for you to trade at the Hob then." She answered.

Gale nodded and they began a practiced routine. It was comforting, checking the snares like they always had. Katniss placed a large rabbit in her game bag to bring home for Cato's mother. Sera had developed a good recipe for rabbit stew from the game Katniss brought them, and she knew it was one of Alice's favorite foods even if they could afford the more expensive meets from the butcher. She thought about asking Gale to bring the woman a few rabbits while they were gone for the tour but thought better of it.

Cato and Gale didn't get along very well. Gale was under the impression that Katniss had faked the romance as a strategy to escape Cato, who otherwise would have been her biggest threat in the arena. When Katniss had told him otherwise, he had lost it on her. Gale's screaming was so loud, Cato could hear him from the meadow, where he was feeding Lady with Alice and Prim. Katniss saw the side of Cato he had only revealed in the arena that day. It had been so fast. Gale was screaming one minute, and the next Cato had him pinned up against a tree, a deadly look in his eyes.

"Do not ever speak to her again that way." Cato growled, the muscles in his jaw were clenched so tight. Katniss had only seen him like this in the recaps of the games or pretending during training. What she was seeing now, the scar on his face, the muscles in his arms, the practiced ease with which he threw Gale against the tree… this was the career everyone else had seen. But now it was real. Suddenly, Cato was as menacing as everyone portrayed him to be. Katniss felt like she should be scared, she should be re-evaluating her relationship with him, she should be running. Instead, she felt completely safe.

"Get your fucking hands off of me, you capitol mutt!" Gale tried to get out of his grip, but there was no escaping it. Cato knew what he was doing far too well.

"Let's not pretend like this is about anything other than the fact that she chose me, not you. Save some time, yeah?" Cato responded, speaking low and calm in Gale's ear. Katniss should be doing something, stopping it. But she was frozen in place, watching it play out in front of her.

"What? No, I don't want Katniss! I don't want her associating with some abusive peacekeepers kid from district 2!" Gale yelled back. Katniss felt her heart stop at Gale's words, knowing the fallout would be bad.

Cato paused, the look on his face was one Katniss couldn't read. He let Gale go, the other boy spinning around to face him, pure anger on his face. Cato just stood there for a moment. There was a hard look in his eyes as he stared at Gale.

"Do not ever associate me with my father. Aside from a last name, me and that man share nothing and I have no pride for where I came from." His voice was strangled a little as he spoke, clearly catching the other boy off guard.

Gale didn't move, but his shoulders seemed to relax and his brows furrowed as he stared at the blonde in front of him. He looked like he didn't know what to do, didn't know what to make of Cato.

Katniss looked over at the blonde, who's fists were clenched and his eyes unreadable. He took a deep breath before he spoke, "Do not ever let me catch you speaking towards Katniss that way again. You got one warning. Next time, I hit first and ask questions later. You have a problem with me, take it up with me, not her."

And then Cato turned and walked away. Katniss remained shocked for a moment, only one, before running and chasing after him.

After that, Katniss and Gale rarely talked about Cato. She had no idea if they actually ever had that conversation or not, and honestly didn't feel like asking. She was annoyed at Gale's overprotectiveness, and his refusal to believe that Cato was not some violent, capitol loving monster. She was sure if she asked or brought it up, she would be unhappy with the answer.

Ignorance is bliss.

"Alright, let's find ourselves a turkey." Gale said to her as she pulled a few squirrels out of the last snare, bagging them to give to her mother.

They stalked through the woods, the way they had for years. Silent footsteps and hunter's ears, arrows knocked in their bows. Katniss tried to ignore the way her heart was pounding in her chest, feeling like at any moment she would blink and find herself back in the arena. It seemed to be a common fear in the woods.

Jesus Christ Katniss, pull yourself together. You can't keep freaking out every time you go hunting, and you need to hunt, or you'll go insane. Just breathe, put on your big girl pants, and shoot a fucking turkey.

They crunched down behind a fallen log, the familiar gobbling sound echoing in the forest, nearly about 20 yards ahead. Gale drew his bow behind her, but she put her hand up to stop him. She was determined to make the shot. It wasn't until her bow left her arrow, the familiar whizzing noise in the air that she realized just how wrong she was.

There were no turkey's, only Marvel's body collapsing as the arrow pierced his neck. Blood sprayed from the wound, and the boy's eyes lit up in shock as he choked. Behind her, she could hear the sickening sound of the spear hitting Rue's body, the girl's gasp of pain. She could feel the wild grass beneath her knees, smell the violets nearby, hear the sound of the cannon once more.

"Katniss, it's okay, it's okay. You're here with me. Hey, hey, relax. Katniss, look at me." Gale's hands were on her shoulders, shaking her. Her breath was coming in heavy gasps, her heartbeat pounding, stray tears falling from her eyes. She put her hands on her head, forcing herself to take deep breaths, over and over again.

"You alright?" Gale asked, his eyes were horrified. She ran her hands down her face, standing upright, forcing herself to pretend like she was fine.

"We should go, I have to walk Prim to school." She dismissed Gale's worried stares. She needed to get out of these woods. She needed to see Cato. She needed the tour to be over with so she the games could be truly over and done with, and Gale simply wouldn't be able to understand it all.

It was only when she climbed under the fence and made her way back into 12… feeling the relief wash over her body; she realized she might never be the same again.