Chapter 12-Help Me, Doc

Kitty tossed and turned, trapping herself within a shroud of sheets and blankets. She groaned and thrashed, periodically whimpering phrases such as, "Please, no! She's mine, not yours," and "Give me my son, you filthy pig!" The cold December night had lured Kathleen Russell Dillon into a nightmare in which she was being antagonized by both Will Mannon and Jude Bonner.

Matt entered the bedroom just in time to hear his wife cry, "Stop! Oh, God, please stop!"

He dropped the newspaper he'd tucked underneath his arm as he rushed to her side.

"Kitty," he gently shook her shoulder, remembering Doc's warning from years ago about waking the frightened woman too quickly. She could strike you in a fit of panic.

"You can't make me choose!" she yelled, her bedclothes damp with sweat, "That's beyond cruel! Do whatever you want t' me, just give me my babies!"

"Honey," Matt slightly raised his voice while he gently grasped her shoulders, "You're just dreaming. Please…wake up."

Her unfocused eyes flew open as she fought to free herself from Matt's grasp, "Let-go-a-me!" she seethed through gritted teeth, struggling against his firm grip.

Little blue eyes blinked furiously, unable to believe the scene taking place in the Dillon parents' sanctuary.

"Let go a her, Marshal!" Matthew shouted as he charged toward his father.

The grown man's blue eyes grew wide as a blur of blue pajamas and dark red hair came barreling toward him. In the blink of an eye, the junior Matthew James Dillon launched himself off the floorboards, throwing all of his body weight toward the man he loved above all other men.

All the senior Matt Dillon could do to defend himself from the oncoming assault was release his hysterical wife as he braced for impact.

"Let go!" Matthew warned just before the top of his head made contact with his father's broad chest, sending both of them tumbling onto the bed.

"Matty! Stop!" the big man forcefully pushed the boy off of him, "What are you doin?!"

"You told me you'd never hurt her! I heard her cryin' fer you t' stop!" the young boy panted, his face flushed and wet from tears he hadn't even realized he'd shed.

"Matty! Oh, sweet boy, c'mere," Kitty held out her arms, speaking through her sobs as the melee brought her to full consciousness.

The nine-year-old first looked to his father, whom he'd always adored, "You're a liar," he whispered before throwing himself into his mother's embrace.

"Son, you've got this all wrong," Matt awkwardly rolled off the bed, "Your mother was having a nightmare."

"Sure she was," the boy sniffled, squeezing his mother tighter.

"Sweet boy, Daddy's telling you the truth," Kitty kissed the top of his curls, "I was having a horrible nightmare," she pulled back a bit to meet the child's terrified gaze.

"Real-really, Mama? I heard ya say, 'let-go-a-me' and 'stop, please stop!' Then I saw-saw Daddy grab-bin' ya…" the boy could no longer control his tears as he hiccupped his eye witness account.

"Aww, Matthew," Matt tenderly rubbed his eldest son's back as he kneeled next to the bed, "I'm so sorry you got scared, Son, but we've had a talk like this before," he soothed, pleading with his eyes for Kitty to help him.

A soft knock upon the opened door startled all three Dillons. Matt was mortified to see Doc staring into the room, his arm protectively wrapped around Addie's shoulders. The big man's eyes filled with tears when he noticed his daughter's tear-stained cheeks.

"Everything okay in here?" Doc softly inquired.

"Yes, Doc. I had a horrible nightmare," Kitty cleared her throat, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, "I was shouting in my sleep and Matty got scared for me," she continued to clutch the boy's head to her chest while she slowly rocked back and forth.

Matt stood to his full height and approached the two waiting within the door frame.

"Addie," he whispered, resting his hands upon her shoulders, "would you like me t' tuck you in?" he lifted her chin, offering a weak grin.

"Yes, Daddy," she answered, placing her hand within his.

"Do you need me, Kitty? Powders or anything?" Doc leaned into the room, his hands braced against the door frame.

"No, Father, but thank you," Kitty genuinely grinned, warmly verbalizing how she viewed the second most important man in her life.

"Okay, Honey. You know where t' find me," he slowly turned and ambled his way to the staircase.

"Matthew James," Kitty gently pushed the boy's shoulders back, studying eyes that matched her own, "It seems you and I have had this chat before." She fluffed the pillows and motioned for him to snuggle with her against the headboard.

"I know, Mama, but you were shouting. And when I came in-"

"I understand how it must've looked to you, Son, really I do," Kitty pushed her hair from her eyes, sighing, "I love you, my oldest prince, but trust me-"

"Daddy would never hurt you," the boy interjected, nodding as his head rested against his mother's shoulder.

"That's right," she grinned, stroking his thick hair. "Would you like t' sleep with me and Daddy?"

"No, thank you," he kissed his Mama's flushed cheek, "Must've been a terrible dream," he bit his bottom lip.

"It was," Kitty confirmed, wrinkling her nose. She enveloped him once more in a warm embrace, kissing both his cheeks, "You go t' sleep now. Don't you worry about your mama and her goofy dreams." She curiously studied the look on her boy's face, confirming, "You can wait to talk to Daddy tomorrow."

"Okay," he nodded, waving as he exited her room, "I love you, Mama."

Kitty returned the wave, "I love you more," she cooed.

Once she'd heard the boys' door snick shut, she slowly extricated herself from the tangled covers and straightened her twisted nightgown. Glancing into the looking glass, she remarked, "Holy hell," as she pushed her sweaty hair off her forehead. She slowly dragged herself to the water closet and leaned against the doorjamb to steady her trembling body. What the hell just happened? she wondered, feeling as if she were still dreaming.

Matt worried when he hadn't found his wife in their room or the water closet. He checked all of the children's bedrooms and even the play room, but Kitty wasn't in any of those places. He bounded down the stairs, inwardly hoping that she hadn't made her way to Angela's gravesite at this time of night.

The big man breathed a sigh of relief upon finding her in the library, nursing a brandy. She blankly stared out a window into the darkness, startling when he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I didn't meant t' scare you," he rested his chin upon the top of her head.

"I'm the one who should be sorry, Matt. Look at all the trouble I caused with my stupid nightmare," she took a sip from her snifter.

"Hey," he turned her to face him, folding his hands together behind her neck, "You don't have one thing to be sorry for."

"I scared our son so badly that he thinks you're a wife beater, Matt," Kitty searched the big man's eyes, "I'd say that makes me pretty rotten," she stared at her glass.

"Come with me," he walked her to the chaise, holding her hand. He spoke quietly, "Want to talk about it?" he wiped an errant tear off her cheek.

"Oh, Matt, it's just the same old story," she couldn't meet his gaze.

"I'm listening."

"This one was a little different," she whispered, tilting her head back, keeping her eyes closed, "I'm pregnant with Angela in it."

"That is different," Matt swallowed hard, taking her glass from her hand and placing it on the side table. He cradled her clammy hands within his giant warm ones.

"Mannon had ahold of Addie and Bonner had his filthy paws on Adam," Kitty explained, her eyes full of sadness, "They were taunting me, telling me I could only have one of them and I had to choose which one."

"Oh, Honey," he embraced her, cradling her head against his chest.

"Then Mannon noticed my belly. Said if he wasn't the father…" her whispers became silence.

"If he wasn't the father…?" Matt urged.

"He'd cut her outta me," Kitty cried, not able to hold back the tears any longer.

"Oh my God," Matt held her tighter, kissing the top of her head.

"Adam was screaming, trying everything to break free from Bonner's clutches. Addie was crying, begging t' be let go," Kitty gulped for air, "and those rotten bastards were laughing. Oh, Matt," she sobbed, "I could feel the baby kick me. It was so real…"

"I know, Honey, I know," he comforted.

When will this end?! the frightened woman pondered, tightly closing her eyes as she wept.

XXXXXXXX

With just a week remaining before the school's winter break, the Dillons had made a decision that their children would remain home until the break was complete. Kitty had voiced her concern that they would be viewed poorly by the teacher, but Matt had intimated he didn't care how it may seem to outsiders. He'd in no uncertain terms told Kitty that he could keep his children home whenever he chose. He'd felt everyone needed to get more rest in order to avoid contracting the illness that had been making its way through the littles, and the bigs needed to spend some time with their parents.

"The kids sure were excited when you told them they were getting an extra week of holiday," Doc said as he held the reins to the Dillon's wagon.

"Well of course they were," Kitty commented, stifling a yawn as they rolled along the bumpy dirt road. They headed for Dodge City to pick up some Christmas gifts from both the freight office and the mercantile, as well as collect whatever school work the children would miss for the week.

"It's none a my business, Kitty, but I think they all need a good, long rest. It's been a tough autumn for everyone."

"Tell me about it," she muttered, staring at nothing in particular off to the side, tightly crossing her arms under her breasts.

"Would you like t' tell me about your nightmare, young lady?"

"Just more of the same," the redhead sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

"Matt said this one was a little different," Doc glanced her way, hoping she would confide in him.

"Angela was still in me. She was alive inside a me. I could feel her kick. It seemed so real," Kitty unconsciously rested her hand upon her flat belly.

"I'm so sorry, Honey. Seems like the nightmares disappeared for a good, long while," he tugged at his earlobe while signaling Gladiola to begin to slow down.

"It's not your fault," she tried to change the subject, "Did Matt say where we're supposed t' hide the canopy for Addie's bed? Or Ezra's train set?"

"He said t' hide them in the bunkhouse. That's where he's got the posters he and Festus made for her bed," Doc pulled back on the reins in front of the freight office, "Whoa, Gladiola."

"So you check on the freight deliveries," Kitty read from a sheet of paper, "There should be four packages-the canopy, the wooden train for Ezra, Maggie's coat from Boston and Matthew's fancy cowboy hat."

"So, you'll get their school work?" Doc asked as he helped her down from the wagon.

"Yes. I'll get that first, then the remaining items I ordered for Christmas should be in by now at Lathrop's."

"Whatever you do, Kitty, don't forget those paper dolls. Scarlett has about loved Addie's old ones t' ruin."

"I won't, Father," she winked, enjoying the little game they played. After all, he was the only father she'd ever truly known and she his only daughter figure.

"Good girl," he chuckled as he headed into the freight office.

After a quick stop at the schoolhouse, Kitty entered the general store, digging for her second list in her reticule. She'd begun to slightly panic until she remembered that she'd stuffed it into her coat pocket.

She decided to browse a bit, since the store was fairly crowded, due mostly to the upcoming holiday. The mercantile had easily grown to three times the size it had been when Kitty first arrived in Dodge, which made for a larger selection of goods.

Kitty held up a fur lined bonnet, thinking it would perfectly compliment the new coat she'd ordered for Maggie. As she made her way over to the few shelves that held various toys and games, she smiled when she heard some little boys talking about the penny candy they could get if they behaved while their mama shopped.

She'd been relieved to spot the last set of paper dolls on the shelf when she heard a voice she recognized. The redhead became curious, tilting her head to listen as she snatched the booty for her toddler.

"I don't think it'll be too long now," the familiar voice whispered on the other side of the shelf, "he told me when we was t'gether in our special place."

"What do ya mean by that?" another hidden female whispered in conspiratorial reply.

"He said he'll leave 'er after Christmas. He's got kids and don't want t' ruin their holiday," the first voice answered in a hushed tone, "He's also got a sick kid."

Kitty froze, suddenly realizing to whom the familiar voice belonged. Her heart pounded and she actually felt a little dizzy at the hushed revelations.

Get it together, Russell, the redhead encouraged herself, straightening her spine before she made her presence known. Kitty took a deep breath before approaching the counter.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lathrop," she kindly greeted, "I ordered some gifts from a catalogue a few weeks ago and I'm wondering if they've arrived," she placed her other items for purchase on the counter.

"I do believe they have, Mrs. Dillon," Woody Lathrop said, "Let me check for you."

The elderly man disappeared behind a curtain and Kitty studied some ribbon, thinking this would be a good addition for the girls' stockings.

"Mrs. Dillon," the young, syrupy sweet voice assaulted Kitty from behind.

"And don't you forget it," the Dillon matriarch slowly turned, ready to encounter the face that accompanied the now unmistakable voice.

"Beg yer pardon?" Sadie Danko questioned, surprised at the fire in the redhead's eyes.

Kitty replied without missing a beat, "You said, 'Mrs. Dillon', and I replied, 'don't you forget it'." At that moment she wanted nothing more than to punch Sadie on those plump, cherry red lips that had tried to seduce her husband.

"Mrs. Dillon?" Mr. Lathrop called, "I've got your things here for you," he noticed Kitty hadn't turned to give him her attention, "Mrs. Dillon," he repeated.

She turned to the shop owner, a sweet smile plastered upon her face, "Why, thank you, Mr. Lathrop. Did everything come in?"

"I believe so. I've got a doll from St. Louis, and horse blanket and saddlebags from Texas."

"Wonderful. I've got these couple of items here, and I need you t' cut some of this satin ribbon for my daughters' hair," she pointed to the spools of ribbon on the counter, "I'm also going to need quite a bit of candy for the children's stockings," she nodded, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Sadie Danko had slithered out the door. "You just keep on walkin'," she grumbled, as she dug for the wad of bills in her reticule.

"I beg your pardon, Ma'am?" Woody Lathrop cupped his wrinkled hand behind his ear, "I just can't hear like I used to."

"Oh, never mind, Mr. Lathrop. I was just thinking out loud."

XXXXXXXX

Doc sighed deeply, wondering why Kitty hadn't said a word since she sat next to him on the wagon bench. She'd just kept biting her lower lip and had focused on her folded hands that rested in her lap. He'd been shocked to discover her at the Long Branch, enjoying an eye opener with Hannah before the ride home.

He jumped when she exclaimed, grabbing his coat sleeve, "Doc, I need ya to stop. Please, stop!"

"Whoa, Gladiola!" he commanded as he firmly yanked back on the reins. Before he could ask Kitty what was the matter, she'd jumped from the wagon and stumbled a few feet before emptying the contents of her stomach onto the barren prairie.

"Good God, Kitty," he mumbled as he clambered off the rig, moving as quickly as possible to get to her, "Honey," he got down on one knee, rubbing her back as she wretched, "what on Earth?"

All the disheartened woman could do was sob as she rested on her haunches, rocking back and forth, clutching her stomach.

"Kitty," Doc comforted, handing her his handkerchief, "Are you pregnant?"

She scoffed through her hiccups, "You must be-be-jok-joking," she accepted his offering, blowing her nose, "That would mean my husband would have to touch me," the sobbing returned.

"Oh," the gray headed man continued to rub her back, "I thought things had um…um…you know…returned t' normal," he stumbled over his words.

He helped the redhead stand upon her shaky legs, offering his arm for her to steady herself.

Kitty couldn't meet her surrogate father's gaze. She fiddled with the handkerchief in her hands, "We've only been…together a handful of times. That's not normal for us, Doc," she shyly confirmed, her cheeks flushed and her eyes watery.

Doc hugged her tightly, "I'm sorry, Honey. Sometimes the road back to each other after a loss is hard. Matt may be concerned about pregnancy. But that's why I sent away for-"

"He doesn't like them much," she pulled slightly back, averting her eyes.

"Most men don't. But he loves you, so he asked me for them. I just don't understand," he swiped his mustache.

"Matt and I…we, uh, normally-"

"You can stop there," he lifted his palm toward her, "We've lived in the same house for a long time. I know you two are active. Ya always have been. Worse than damn rabbits."

"Curly!"

He wrapped one arm around her shoulder, escorting her back to the wagon.

Kitty gripped the side of the wagon bed with one hand, whispering, "Help me, Doc."

"Of course," he extended his hand for her to clasp.

"No," she looked at him, terror seeping from her big, blue eyes, "There's something wrong with me. I need your help…please…"

"Are you ill? What hurts, Honey?"

"My soul," she spoke barely above a whisper as her knees began to buckle.

"Oh, mercy!" Doc caught her before she hit the ground. He awkwardly helped her into a sitting position, leaning her back against the wagon wheel. He groaned as he kneeled in front of her, cupping her face, "Talk to me, Sweetheart. You can tell me."

She swiped her hand over her forehead, explaining, "I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I'm fine, playing with Scarlett or helping Adam with his homework. The next minute all I want to do is cry and lock myself in the water closet. Most days I can muddle through, but then I feel guilty for resuming my routine when I have a baby buried up on a hill," her silent tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Sometimes this happens after women miscarry or have stillbirths. And sometimes, I've seen it happen after women have totally healthy children," Doc offered, placing one of his hands gently upon her bent knee.

"Well, it's never happened t' me," she snapped, pointing her thumb at her chest, "I love my children. I hate that they aren't getting the best of me. I waited so long to have them, Doc, so long…" her voice trailed off.

"You listen to me, young lady," he wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, "You are absolutely the best, most loving mother I've ever had the privilege t' know. And furthermore, Kathleen Dillon, you are the only," his voice cracked with deep emotion, tears filling his eyes, "the only girl t' ever bless my ears with the word, 'father'. So, you are gonna listen t' me and listen t' me good."

Kitty offered him a tiny grin, whispering, "Yes'sir."

"It's okay to be sad. Believe you me, I have seen every medical tragedy known to man-and woman. Honey, you're grieving…your brain is trying to wrap your head around what happened."

"I think Matt's having an affair," she blurted out, focusing on a button in the middle of Doc's coat.

"What?!" he shook his head, squinting his eyes.

"Do you notice he's gone a lot, Curly? He doesn't say where he's going or give a specific place he's been?"

"Well, Kitty, that doesn't mean anything."

"I found lip paint on one of his shirts. When I asked Matt about it, he confessed to kissing a saloon girl," she pursed her lips, finally meeting the elderly man's tired, blue eyes.

"Oh," he tugged on his ear, struggling to right himself, "Well, that doesn't mean he's having an affair," he shivered, "You know how it is in saloons," the elderly man struggled to stand. "Hey, what do ya say to you and me continuing this conversation in the warm library over a pot of peppermint tea, instead of on this cold, wet ground?"

"Okay," Kitty used the leverage of the wheel spokes to stand. She wiped the dirt from her black, woolen coat, quietly asking, "Can we keep all of this between us…Father?"

Doc pursed his lips and shook his head. He reassured, "Of course, Sweetie. You know we can."

TBC