VIII. Conference

Natsuki had been injured in the middle of Summer Break, and released before it had ended. And while mobility was a challenge, she had been determined not to fall behind on her studies.

"Lost a year of school once," Natsuki groused, "Not losing another."

Now that she was no longer wheelchair bound, and her arm was freed of its cast, she was able to move around much more readily, and she was giving her studies their due diligence.

She found herself meeting with Mai at lunch, and they were joined by Mikoto.

"It's good to see you up, Natsuki," Mai smiled at her, "I don't see your crutches, so I guess you got used to the prosthetic?"

"Yeah. I have to say, I don't much care for the thighhighs, but they do help keep the stares down to a minimum."

"Yeah, the style doesn't exactly suit you," Mai agreed, "But that's probably just because I'm not used to seeing you that way. Although…Fujino DID show me a picture of you from your middle-school days, and you looked kinda adorable in them, back then. Why'd you stop, anyway? Fashion sense?"

"Practicality. Do you know how long it takes to get in and out of my riding leathers normally? If I kept the thighhighs I'd either have to strip them off too, and then put them back on, or I'd have to wear them under my leathers and they'd get all sweaty. Honestly, it'd be a big hassle. So once I was able to get a license, I ditched 'em."

"Always so practical," Mai mock sighed, "But not exactly surprising. So…you said you wanted to talk to us. What's up?"

Natsuki took a breath, clearing her head, then spoke somberly, "Before I say what I have to say, I want you both to promise that this doesn't get repeated to anyone. Not Chie. Not Aoi. And most especially not Shizuru."

Mai frowned, "Keeping secrets from someone in a relationship isn't a good thing, Natsuki."

"It's not a secret. It's a decision I have to make, and I have to talk to her about it, but before I do, I have to know where I stand on the issue."

Mai considered it, then nodded, "Okay, but why do you want to talk to us about it but not Fujino?"

"Because, before I discuss something this heavy with her, I need someone to play devil's advocate for me."

Natsuki explained to Mai and Mikoto about the offer Alyssa had made her, to go under the knife again and possibly walk away from the situation with a brand new, fully working leg. She also told them about the risks and drawbacks as Alyssa and Miyu had laid them out.

"So…are you going to do it?" Mai asked.

Natsuki sighed. Then she started rubbing at her eyes, "I don't know, damnit!"

Mai reached out and took Natsuki's hand, squeezing gently, and Mikoto actually got up from her seat and hugged Natsuki.

"Don't cry, Natsuki," Mikoto spoke softly, "We'll help figure it out."

"Damnit," Natsuki shook as she tried to regain her composure, "I was never this scared when I was fighting Orphans and skulking around District One facilities. The toughs and lowlifes at Rorschach's didn't even phase me. Why am I so scared of this, all of a sudden?"

"You know why," Mai said softly, "It's because back then, you only cared about finding the people who killed your Mom. Consequences be damned. Now? You've got friends. You've got someone who loves you, body and soul. You've got a future. And thanks to Alyssa, you have family, too. Back then, you had nothing to loose. Now, you have things you can't stand to loose, and you're facing something that has life-altering prospects. That's why."

"You're right," Natsuki smiled wryly, "But it's one of those things, I guess. I mean, I can't exactly say I don't want any of that stuff, these days. But now I understand how you felt when Takumi was sick. Or maybe I understand how Takumi felt, not wanting to be a burden on anyone."

"You know what? I think you're talking to the wrong people, Natsuki," Mai said with a defeated smile, "I can sympathize, of course. I can tell you that I hope it works out for you. And I can be there to help. But I think…you need to talk to Takumi. He's been where you are, now, and he might have something to say on the matter."

"Yeah, I'll go get him," Mikoto chirped cheerfully.

"Mikoto, no! I don't want to put him on the…and she's gone,"Natsuki exhaled in exasperation, "I would have given him a chance to politely refuse, if he didn't want to talk about it."

"Yeah, that's my fault," Mai said with a sheepish shrug, "I should know by now not to say things like that in front of her. She's still so impetuous."

"Hey, sis, Kuga-san," Takumi showed up with Akira in tow, "Mikoto said you needed me?"

"Call me, Natsuki, Takumi," she said, "And Mikoto jumped the gun a little. I would have given you a chance to turn me down. It's kinda personal."

"Personal in what way?" Akira arched an eyebrow.

"Down, girl,"Natsuki smirked at her, "He's not in my field of interest, you know. No offense to you, Takumi."

"None taken, Ku…er, Natsuki," he chuckled nervously.

"Well, since Mikoto dragged you here, you might as well have a seat. Mai thought you might be some help to me, and I can't really argue the point. Who can argue with your sister, after all?"

Takumi laughed a bit at that. Truth to be told, he'd never really felt uncomfortable around Natsuki, but he could attribute that now to sensing that she was basically a decent person. The first time he'd spent any real time around her was during Mai's birthday the year before, and she'd seemed fairly nice back then. Since then, he'd learned of everything about her from his sister, and decided she was a good person to be friends with, though they didn't often speak, given their grade and age difference. He listened as Natsuki explained to him about what was going on. He'd heard about her accident, of course, but he was listening now to the proposed plan to address it, and he could see where his opinion might be valued.

"I mean," Natsuki concluded, "I'm adapting to my new prosthetic. I can walk okay with it. I'm told with enough practice I can even do some of my old martial arts moves with it. But…at the same time, is it worth the risk. I mean, if it works, it could be a brand new hope for people all over the world who've had accidents like mine. But…at the same time…"

"At the same time," Takumi picked up where she'd trailed off, "It's surgery. It could be a failure. It could, if something goes very wrong, even kill you."

"Hey, Takumi…" Mai started. But Natsuki stopped her.

"He's right, Mai. Those are some of the fears I've had."

"And they're normal fears. I mean, you're dealing with a leg. So I guess they could repair that more easily. With me, it was a heart, so I had a lot of worry that I might not make it, in the end," Takumi offered, "But the risk is still there, because it's always there. But…well, you almost died just living your regular life, right?"

"True enough, kid," Natsuki nodded.

"Yeah, I mean, it was just a run of the mill traffic accident, like happens to lots of people. Nothing to do with magic powers or mystery birthmarks or ancient conspiracies. So…you beat those odds and pulled through. Right?"

"I did," Natsuki nodded.

"Well, Natsuki, I can tell you what I'd do. But I can't tell you what you'd do, or even what you should. Because in the end, it's a real big choice to have to make, and the only one who has any right to make it is you. And if you chose not to, even if it was because you're scared of the risks, that's not anything to be ashamed of. Scary things are scary for a reason."

"You went through with your surgery, in the end," Natsuki pointed out, trying not to sound irritated.

Takumi smiled, "Well, I did. But in my case, I was going to die, anyway. My heart wasn't getting any better, and the medications were losing their effectiveness. It was go through with the surgery and risk dying, with the chance for life, or just slowly die anyway.

"In your case, you're not dying. So, no one can say that it's do or die in your case. And you can live a full and healthy life, the way you are now, too."

"Sounds like you're trying to talk me out of it,"Natsuki said.

Takumi shook his head, "Not really. I'm your sounding board. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. You just haven't said any of those things out loud, yet. You need me to say them so that you can actually hear your own thoughts on the matter more clearly."

Natsuki smiled, "You're pretty sharp, Takumi."

"Well, like you said, I've got perspective on the issue that the others don't. For what it's worth, Natsuki, if you don't go through with the surgery, no one will think less of you. You went through an ordeal already. You've suffered a lot of pain and hardship no one else will ever know or understand, because they haven't been there. If you want to say, 'I'm done with being cut up on an operating table,' then you've got the right and no one has the right to say you were wrong. But…"

Takumi took a sip to wet his throat, "But, if you want to go through with it, if you want to take the risks, that's your right, too. Because maybe you want to feel whole. Or maybe you don't like the idea of fear ruling your life. Or maybe you're just too stubborn to quit.

"But in the end, Natsuki, it's your call. You get final say."

Natsuki nodded, then rose to her feet. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Her whole demeanor seemed to have changed. She smiled gently, then leaned down and put a chaste kiss on Takumi's forehead, "Thanks, Takumi. I know what I'm going to do."