Crystalline Entity - Alternate Record

by Cpt. Lynx

This is the story of how Darth Imperius, the Emperor of the Eternal Alliance, found himself on Terra. Burdened by the ghosts of his past, will he be able to fulfil his purpose and find happiness, or will the darkness consume him? As a fair warning, this contains dark and mature themes in much greater detail than the other version, so discretion is advised.

12. Day 10-2: Arrival at Stonecrest

A/N: Hello there you fine people. It has been a hot minute. I don't want to keep you from the good stuff for long, so I'll keep this brief. The past few months have been rather hard for me and I couldn't focus on writing. Or much of anything, for that matter. I'll elaborate on the reason at the end, so as to not ruin the mood of anyone who cares to read the note. All I can say at this point is that I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. If you do, I'm always happy to hear some feedback.

---

While we are in transit, I take a peek at what Nox is up to. His core has flared several times in a short period of time.
It seems he has shown the Voice the state of my mind, and has now settled in at a nice table. I don't want to pry too much into their conversation, but it seems Leanna's anger has a name now - Thymia. Well, as much as her appearance was a surprise, I'm glad they get along.

Leanna and I arrive back at our cabin in the train, materialising from violet particles.

Kara stands up quickly. Amelia swivels in our direction. Zack looks up.
"Well. You're back."

"This is... quite reassuring. I was... very concerned."

Kara leans forward and grabs Leanna's shoulders, sizing her up and establishing her existence. Then she does the same to me.
"Are you two Okay?"

I smile warmly, abashed by their concern for me.
"Yes. Leanna has convinced me to stay with you all."

Kara smiles.
"Excellent! I had so much planned."

I arc a brow at that.
"Oh?"

"Sooooo... Leanna convinced you to stay, huh?"
Her gaze trails over Leanna and me.
"How did she do that, I wonder?"

Leanna turns deep red.
"Uhm..."

I turn to look at her, searching her gaze.
'May I?'

'...go ahead...I'll talk to Kara when it isn't everyone...'

I smile at her, and then gently grab her hand, turning back to look at Kara.
"Well, she had a rather... convincing argument."

"Convincing, huh? And while I'm sure she made a point, what might that point have been?"

I hold up our intertwined hands.
"That I don't have to be alone anymore. That I have people around me that care about me. And that I would hurt you if I'd just leave like that."

Leanna looks over at me and gives me a squeeze. A warm, loving feeling passes through my hand.

Kara's smile widens significantly.
"Oh my."

"And, well, now I can't leave anymore, even if I wanted to. For better or worse."

Leanna suddenly lets go of my hand, which causes me to stumble slightly. Instead, she puts her arm around me and pulls me in.

I lean into her, wrapping my arms around her as well.
"It will remain to be seen if this was the correct choice... if I will be able to continue my existence... but at the least I know that my remaining time will be a happy one."

Leanna smiles at the others, giving me a glance before continuing.
"Xerath - despite all that he believes to the contrary - is worth my time. So I've set a quest for myself: make him believe that."

"And so far, you do make great progress, dear."
I turn back to Kara, my expression turning sombre.
"However, without the option to take refuge in detachment, and the choice done to be close to you guys... there come certain dangers. And, well, I still worry about the... let's say strained relations between Nox and you..."

My blonde goddess in training smiles that short distance up to me.
"So I will remind you that my ears are always open, as is my hand. You are ever welcome."

Her hold tightens.
"To face demons alone is terrible."

"It is. And it is exactly because they are so terrible, that I do not wish you to face them, too."

Kara grins at the scene.
"Well, if the Scarlet One wishes to try and clear the air, we will hear him. I only wish to communicate that if he blames it all on us and asks only for concessions, he will not get far. We seek a middle ground, after all."

I smile slightly.
"Huh, I see. Then maybe there remains hope, after all."

A cloud of red particles comes into the room, materialising the image of Nox.
"Indeed."

Unease. They remain apprehensive, and he observes that it is from experience.

He crosses his arms.
"First of all, I'd like to apo... to apol... I want to say that I'm sor... Kriff, this is harder than I thought it would be."

He clears his throat.
"Ahem. I can admit that the current situation was not entirely your fault. You... tried to establish boundaries... which I ignored. If I was doing so willingly or not is not that relevant right now. I... I wanted to help you, but my method of doing so was going against your wishes. I... understand that now."

Amelia nods.
"I understand. To conjure any concern for others from nothing must not be a simple thing, and like a great many things, empathy is a skill you must practice. And until last night, you had not on anyone except your bond brother."

He nods.
"Indeed. I may think that your reactions and judgement towards me were... unwarranted, but... I understand where you come from."
He scratches his cheek.

Kara nods.
"So, what we want is for you to ask for help, okay? The goal of empathy in the end is to help people and make them comfortable. So why not start by asking what would do that? Think back to with you, when we asked you to stay out of our heads, and you said you couldn't. Once you convinced us of that, what happened next?"

"Uhm... you... tried to still have me around?"

"We asked what you could do."

"Ah. Right. Which was effectively trying to emulate the state of not looking into your heads. Was that making you more comfortable?"

"Yes. It didn't just help the game function. It did help us function too."

He nods.
"Then at least my effort wasn't all for nought."

"One thing worth noting is that the sanctity of the mind isn't inviolable. While sanctioned Shadow mages aren't allowed to touch anyone's mind, there is historical and modern precedent for mental communication. It is just rare, and seen as incredibly intimate - only to be done between individuals that trust each other."

He nods.
"I believe you describe telepathy."

"Between close friends, family... or lovers, usually."

I glance at Leanna and smile slightly.

Kara notes the look, and smirks.
"Indeed. It usually represents a great deal of either necessity, or trust."

Leanna frowns slightly.
"I didn't know you didn't know that merely letting you talk to me was a gesture of that kind... I guess you were just happy I welcomed you..."

I nod.
"I was. And, well, as I told you, telepathy is somewhat more common in my galaxy than it is here."

Nox speaks up again.
"Yes yes, you two are very lovely. However, how is the situation between us now?"

Zack reaches a hand across the table.
"Truce?"

Nox arcs a brow, but uncrosses his arms.
"Now you want to try out a handshake? With a form that has no substance?"

"Just make the motion."

He smiles slightly.
"Very well. I just seem to recall that you didn't know about the notion of a handshake until Xerath explained it."
He reaches out his own hand.

Their hands meet, and Zack moves the hand sideways. Then up. Then diagonally down to the place they started. Then he removes his hand.
"There. A promise sealed."

Nox blinks.
"Huh. That's a new one."

Leanna looks at Zack.
"The outlaw's bond? I suppose it isn't too much of a surprise, Zack."

Nox tilts his head.
"The outlaw's bond? I admit even I haven't seen that one yet."

I mirror that motion at the same time.
"Yeah. Would you guys mind filling us in?"

Leanna nods.
"Hand clasping gestures exist - Nox, based on the nature of his surprise, could reenact if not name many of them. Most people don't know them all. I was not aware one existed for greeting when I met you."

"I see. But what makes this one so special that it surprised you, dear?"

"It was simple, and existed for a common task. That I had not heard of such a gesture is strange."

"No, I don't mean the one I showed you. It's a custom of my galaxy, after all. I meant the one Zack just did."

She forms a cute, small 'ah' with her mouth before answering.
"It's a rare one, representing a pact of honour between those not within the laws of the land. I suppose Zack thought it would fit Nox."

"I see."

Nox smirks.
"Well, it does fit indeed."

He looks at Kara, then Zack, then Amelia.
"And, well, for what it's worth, I'll try to not make direct modifications to anything mental without at least asking you for your opinion beforehand."

Kara nods with a smile.
"That's all we ask for."

He nods.
"The difference might still be hard for me to see... but I'll try. And, well... I know of your bad history with shadow magic and its effects on minds... but I really only wanted to help you. I know you lot. Probably better than you do yourself. I know what haunts you. And... if only for one night, I wanted to ease your burden..."

"The gesture was appreciated, though the result, you know, was not."

"Yes, I noticed. So... we're good now?"

"Alright. The presence of peace will allow wounds to mend, at least."

He nods and sighs.
"Good. Then I best leave you to cater to those wounds, and can rest assured that my presence will not be a point of detriment with Xerath."

Kara arcs a curious brow.
"You seem in a rush to escape."

"Am I? We have settled the point of conflict, have we not? And since I'm under the impression you don't quite appreciate my presence, I see no further reason to stay?"

She regards him with smirking suspicion.
"That is true. But I don't think that's the only reason."

He shrugs.
"If my presence is not appreciated, I may as well turn my focus elsewhere. I don't want to impose in the space Xerath has found for himself."

"Well, whatever makes you happy to tell us. But I'm unconvinced."

"Why? Are you jealous I want to go elsewhere?"
His expression turns slightly bemused.

She wears her trademark smirk again.
"I think you are not so much fleeing us as going to something."

"What would it matter?"
Nox matches it.
"Are you that interested in my affairs?"

"I am interested in everyone's affairs."

"True. I, however, am not terribly inclined to entertain you."

"Then you might want to stop doing anything interesting or suspicious."

"Heh, that's impossible. I'm a god, everything I do is interesting."

"An odd claim to make - and difficult to prove."

"Hm. Certainly. It would depend on what you consider interesting. I do not know if the task of holding Xerath's mind together and my dabbles in observing the various societies on this world would be entertaining to you."
He shrugs.
"At least I find the things I do interesting. Everything else is irrelevant."

"Well, I do have a feeling you are doing something that you find extremely interesting. So I won't keep you further."
She gives him a wink.
"Just be sure to respect whatever you've found."

He nods.
"I do. Quite much so. I will take my leave then. And remember, if you hurt Xerath again, I will hurt you. We do not have much room for error."

I flinch at the mention of my mind's state.

"That makes sense. Have fun."

"...Thanks. You too."
He vanishes in a cloud of red particles.

Leanna blinks.
"You're right Kara, he did seem like he..."

She seems to notice something.
"Nevermind, it's nothing."

I glance at her.
'So you noticed what he's up to?'

'...huh, they're communicating...I had a thought about rosemary density, it was so random I investigated, and there it was - a communication pipeline...dense thoughts flying like letters carried by pigeons...'

'So that's what it looks like to you? Interesting. If you can, ignore it. He'd appreciate it, I think.'

'...I'll try...wow she has a name now...'

'Indeed she has.'

'...I'm glad...I'll try to ignore it, but that might be difficult...I don't have your experience or degrees of separation... ...now that I know where it is...'

Kara glances between us.
"Okay, you two are acting suspicious."

I shrug, then lean my head on Leanna's shoulder.
"Sorry, just a little telepathy. We didn't mean to ignore you."

"Yes, that's what's suspicious. Leanna immediately pivoting what she's thinking and then switching to telepathy?"

Leanna smiles weakly.
"Yeah, it does seem that way... doesn't it."

"Well, be that as it may, it's irrelevant."
I examine my friends with concern.
"How are you?"

Kara smiles earnestly.
"Better now that you're better."

"I see. That is a relief."
I then look at Amelia.
"I heard that you took my... err... disappearance especially hard?"

"The two people who the existence of a group hinges upon disappearing is difficult."
She shifts.
"...it would've meant I would have to go home with nothing..."

"I see."
I nod.
"It sounds like it may not be the only reason, but I won't press you. Rest assured that I won't let you return now without something worth to report."

She nods.
"You'd better not."

I smile at her warmly. Then, I shift that smile to Zack and then to Kara.
"I'm certain that we will still encounter some problems on our travels, most will most likely be caused by me... so I would like to apologise to have worried you, and thank you that you accompany me. I am aware that I'm... currently not the easiest person to be around, but that you are means a lot to me. And I truly hope that we can work out any arising issues... together."

Kara responds first.
"I hope so too."

"This will be doable."

"Yeah, I can do that."

Leanna smiles at them and gives me a squeeze.

I squeeze her back, my smile brightening.
"Thank you. Truly. I couldn't ask for better friends."

A nagging voice back in my head is telling me that yes, I could, but I ignore it.
I sit down, leaning back in the comfortable chair.
"So, how long is it until our destination?"

"Not long. A few hours."

"I see. It really is a long ride."
I guide Leanna to sit beside me, and then lean into her side.

A kiss lands in my hair, warmth blooming through me once more.

I smile lovingly up at her, then refocus back on Kara and the others.
"I... I might as well use the time to note something quite important.

They look at me.

"I know that there was no way you could have known this beforehand, but the topic of slavery in particular... is a rather sensitive one for me. As such your comment where you insinuated that I would condone that blasted practise has hurt quite much, to be honest. As I said, you couldn't have known that before, so I forgive you for this instance. But know that if you make a comment like that again, our friendship will be over."
I gaze straight at Kara, my eyes set, hard.

Kara nods.
"Okay. I felt... very uncomfortable, okay? I wanted you to understand, hear what I thought."

She shakes her head.
"I believe in the value of truth, you know? So... another time, when you're ready, we could try discussing this more. And then I won't just have to take your word that you don't condone it. Then I can know how that works."

I nod, hesitatingly.
"I understand. I too value truth. Hence I haven't lied since I was a child. And even then it was only to protect someone dear to me."

I take a deep breath.
"And if you want something else besides my word that I don't condone slavery... well..."

I hesitate for a moment, but then slowly reach up to my hair.
"I..."

I glance at Leanna, looking for affirmation.

She continues to hold me.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to now, okay?"

"I know. But I want to. I want them to understand. They earned as much by now..."

"Alright. How do you want to do this, then? What do you need me to do?"

"Just... do you think it's a good idea?"

My dearest seems slightly confused as she reaches out her mental voice.
'...is what a good idea...? You want to show them something...?'

'Yes. My mark.'

'...that will help...but Kara's concern stretches beyond that... ...from what I heard, she does know you were once a slave, and believes that starting out as one doesn't preclude becoming a master...'

'But... that doesn't make sense. I would never want someone to experience the same things I had, or worse...'

'...seeing it will be a shock...but there are people who take the experience of being beaten down as a lesson... ...it's not the system that was evil...I was only having a bad time because I am different...I deserve to be at the top, wielding the whip, not down in the pits...'
Her mental voice is bitter as she quotes the thoughts of something she's never heard the thoughts of.

My mental picture is appalled.
'How could anyone follow this thought process? That's just... so awful...'

'...she was, and is, worried that slavery left that mark on you, and that while you would abolish the kind that you experienced, you'd let a hierarchy manifest in another way... ...this is the philosophy that slavery, that anything like that, attempts to instil in a person... ...it's not unjust, you're just weeding out the weak...'

'Hierarchies are necessary to found a functioning society, especially on that scale. However, that doesn't mean that the people at the bottom of the hierarchy need to be treated badly...'

'...and if you meet someone who doesn't believe hierarchies can be better than 'okay'...?'

I gaze at her and smile weakly.
'Then I'll try my best to show them the examples of the society I attempt to build. At the very least, I will follow through now. They might or might not suspect it already, but I'd still like to confirm it. Thank you, Leanna.'
I squeeze her a bit.

'...you're welcome...Xerath...I hope that you'll be okay after this... ...if something hurts you, do not hesitate to ask for comfort... ...needing help is not a weakness...'

'Don't worry, I will. I think I'll be okay, now that I have you at my side.'

She smiles, and it shines through her and into me.

I turn back to Kara and clear my throat.
"Ahem. Sorry."

I take another breath in preparation.
"The thing is..."

I move my hand up to my hair, and shove the bang covering half my face to the side, revealing the not quite healed burn mark.
"... I was born as a slave myself."

"Oh. That's a nasty scar."
Kara tries to organize her thoughts.
"I mean... that you weren't born into opulence helps, but... There are other things to consider there."

I drop my hair again, letting it cover my face once more.

"But experiencing it yourself... that does help perspective, at least."

"It does, I'd say."
I take a deep breath and look at Kara with an almost hollow gaze.
"I have... experienced hell. My life started bad, and got progressively worse. And now I want nothing more than to prevent others from suffering like I had. That you can trust."

"I'm not sure what I can do to help you there. But we can exist."

I nod, my gaze being filled with warmth again.
"That is appreciated, but not what I was looking for. You can rest assured that the oppression of people is among the very last things I would ever want."

"Just... be aware of your people, and your definition of oppression. Sometimes things happen because the people in power don't understand, not because they want to leverage something. Be wary of both."

I nod.
"I try my best to hear all the voices, and address the problems of all people. Though my rule is a young one, and the systems I thought of will need testing."

She nods.

I glance down.
"So can you believe me now when I say that I do not condone slavery? Even if I may use the same rhetoric as those that do?"

"I believe your heart is in the right place."

I scratch my cheek.

"And whatever you create will more likely need ironing than revolution."

I nod.
"I hope so. After all, I already am the revolution. Now that you understand, please refrain from such thoughtless comments in the future. As much as I loath to admit it, they are a matter of life or death for me..."

She nods seriously.
"Now that I know, I'll be careful."

I nod in thanks.
"That's all I can ask for, thank you."

Then I lean into Leanna, glancing up at her with a small smile.

Her eyes seem to twinkle like stars, as she reaches a hand over to massage my head.

We really aren't doing all that much that's different... but the mood between us, the vibes...
I sigh happily.
Then, I look back at my group.
"Ehm... does this... Does this new revelation change something about how you view me?"

Kara nods quickly.
"Yes."

I blink.
"It does?"

"Tell me, what would happen to your opinion of someone, your view of them, if they told you that their childhood consisted mostly of being ground underfoot by the uncaring?"

"I would want to help them."
I scratch my cheek.
"Though I'm not sure that's much of a surprise. I generally want to help everyone..."

"Yes."

My eyes narrow.
"Or do you pity me?"

She softly shakes her head.
"I empathize."

I relax.
"Okay. Good. Though, despite being a slave was obviously bad, my conditions were actually rather good. My childhood was the happiest time in my life before coming to Terra."

Leanna bats the top of my head.
"Relativity is more of an inditement upon the rest of your life than anything else."

"I'm just saying. Compared to other slaves, I was off quite well."

Leanna shakes her head.
"Doesn't mean I'm not contractually obligated to spoil you now."

I smile up at her sweetly.
"I suppose you are. I'm looking forward to it. But don't think that I won't spoil you just as much in return."

She smirks.
"Oh, is that a challenge?"

"I don't know. Do you want it to be one?"

Her smirk melts into a bright smile.
"I think that might be fun. I have a few batches of ideas. And I just heard that one Voice has a plan."

I reach up a hand to brush her cheek.
"I still have doubts about whether I'm worthy of you or not, but since you seem to think so, I want to do my damnest to make you happy."

"Well, I hope you'll realize eventually that you don't have to wonder."

"Hm? Wonder what?"

"Whether you are deserving of my attention. Because the only method I know to convince you that you do, is to give it to you."

"Oh, that. Well... as I said, I still have my doubts, so it may take you some effort to convince me..."
I gaze into her eyes, glancing down at her full lips every now and then.

She half smirks, half smiles.
"And you want that effort here, do you?"

"Err... m-maybe not..."
I nestle into her.
"Wouldn't want to make you or the others uncomfortable."

She smiles at the sight.
'...I hope you realize that one of the things our little...arrangement allows is for you to ask for something you want by whatever means you choose...make pleading eyes at me like that and I'm likely to do something about it... ...we can deal with the methodology of those requests as they come...'

'Well, I mean, you brought up that you'd be uncomfortable with displays of affection in front of others. So, I wouldn't want to embarrass you. That being said, however, you know I love your kiss...'

'...there are ways around that issue now, aren't there...? ...the conversation has lulled...if you need it, we can take our leave for a bit...'

'Well, I don't need it... but I would definitely not mind another session of kisses.'
My expression turns slightly worried.
'Although... we just got here after worrying them so much. Do you already want to leave again?'

'...we probably shouldn't just leave them right now then, okay...?'

I nod into the crook of her neck.

'...if it isn't a problem, we'll find time later...after waiting your entire life, a few hours shouldn't be too bad, right...?'
There is a bit of concern in the last bit.

'Well... patience isn't exactly my strong suit, but... I'll manage. Compared to the last few days, this is much better.'
I reach up and lightly kiss her cheek, then whisper into her ear.
"I love you, Leanna."

A light tinge of pink dusts her cheeks.

I smile lovingly at the sight.
After almost getting lost in her mesmerising eyes, I lean my head on her shoulder, my gaze sweeping across the cabin.

Amelia immediately tilts her head back, closing her eyes.

I smile warmly at her.
"You've pushed yourself quite much the past days. Rest well now, Amelia."

No response. She is already trying to nap.

I ponder for a moment if I should deploy a dampening field around her, muffling noises for her, so that she may rest better. But not wanting to repeat Nox's mistake, I decide to ask her instead.
'Amelia? Could I help your rest by muffling incoming noise?'

'...sfine...I sleep when loud all the time...'

'Alright. Then sleep well. Do you wish to get awoken when we arrive or sleep through?'

'...I will...'

I continue to smile warmly. Then my gaze shifts to the other two again.

Zack seems more at ease.

I keep my voice soft. I know Amelia said it's fine, but I still don't want to push it.
"How about you Zack? Has your view of me changed as well?"

He nods slightly.
"I know more about you."

"I suppose you do. However, do you also trust me more now?"

"Not sure."

"Hmm. I see."
I shrug.
"Oh well, the quest continues."

I then smile at him, and he returns with a subtle smile of his own.

I then turn my focus on Kara.

She is staring out the window, then turns over to me as she notices my eyes on her.
"Did you want something?"

"Mmm, not really. Just wondering what we should do now."

"Hmm... What is there to do?"

I shrug.
"I'm not sure. I'm relatively new to the concept of free time. And I don't want to disturb Amelia, either..."

"Yeah... We'll give her some space. Being up all night can't be fun."

"Well, it gets tiring after several days in a row. Especially when you don't have Force techniques to help you out."
I scratch my cheek.
"Trust me on that one, I speak from experience."

"Got it."

"Well, I suppose you'd want the story to that at a later time, then...?"

Try as she might, even she felt the exhaustion of the past days, and her response isn't as energetic as usual.
"Maybe later, yeah."

I nod, then lean back, further cuddling into Leanna.
"Then let's all just rest a while, I suppose."

"Yeah... that works out..."
She noticeably unwinds.

Leanna, meanwhile, slowly strokes my hair.

"Hmm..."
I nuzzle into her, slowly stroking her back, and the luscious golden locks that fall over it. The stuff spills and flows across my hands, better than any fabric in the galaxy. And it smells so good too...
I take a breath and smile dreamily.
"Ahh..."

Then I remember something.
'But wait. You mentioned that one of your Voices had an idea? Has another one called out to you now?'

'...No. Thymia has a plan... ...she wants my help for it when it becomes feasible...'

'Okay...? Want to tell me about it?'

'...surprise...'

'Okay. Though I don't know how to feel that Thymia has a surprise planned for me...'

'...don't worry too much...it's something I'd love to help with...'

'Well, of course you do. But either she has a surprise planned for me, or wants your help for a surprise for Nox. Both options don't sit that well with me...'
I squeeze her a bit tighter.

'...she planned a surprise for Nox that requires my aid and can easily be applied to you as well...'

'I see... Alright.'

'...gifts for both of you...'

I smile at her.
'Then I'll be looking forward to it.'

I kiss her cheek again.
'The greatest gift in my life is you, though.'

'...aww...'
She beams at me.

'I love you, Leanna.'
And through our connection, my unbridled feelings come in, moderated by me. She feels an encompassing warmth, enough to drown her in blankets, and it is yet still but a fraction.
'How does it feel? Is it too much?'

'...it's just fine, Xerath...it's just right...'
Scritches abound.

"Rr- Ahh..."
'You see, I know you can't recept emotions through the Force very well yet, so I just tried to send you some through our shared mental connection.'

'...and how'd it go?'

'Well, it was quite manageable for me. I had to moderate the output, since I don't want to overwhelm you, but... have you felt a difference to how it was before, when we kissed?'

'...a little bit...'

'Could you elaborate? I require feedback to tune those things.'
I caress her cheek.
'Nothing but peak comfort and happiness is good enough for you, after all.'

'...hmmm... ...you seem far closer...like, there's less separation between you and me...'

'Hmm... okay. Anything else?'

'...you seem very happy... ...and you deserve that...sharing it with me is a gift...'

'I mean, how could I not be happy, now that you accepted my feelings? You are the reason for my happiness, how could I not share it with you?'

She kisses my forehead.

I smile up at her, eyes brimming with love.
'So, compared to earlier, when I send my emotions to your dull receptions, has this felt better, or was it too much?'

'...this is fine...'

I cuddle her, stroking her divine hair.
'Splendid.'

A soft kiss lands on the shoulder I rest on.
'As I said, I would only consider the best to be good enough for you.'

She doesn't respond, except by increasing the intensity of what she is doing. A small crack forms once again, and light licks out to try and touch me.

Her intense head scritches make it increasingly hard for me to contain my noises of approval.
"K-... kr- Ahhh..."

I am still not sure if it would be a good idea to grasp at the light, however, so I won't interfere. What if I would break something? The risk is too great.
So instead it just breaks around me like a solar flare. And while it doesn't strike directly, the auroras the analogy suggests form upon my soul.
I smile up at her dreamily, taking in the metaphorical sight, as well as the real one that is Leanna. But then, I blink as I remember something vital. I shift my gaze into her eyes, concern visible.
"Leanna?"

"Yes?"

"You haven't really slept, either. Don't you want to rest a bit yourself?"

"What do you mean, Xerath? I rested. Not as much, but I did. And even if I didn't, I'd be fine."

"Well, you told me earlier that you basically couldn't sleep this night. I'm just worried."

"And now that worry is gone."

I glance away.
"You constantly look out for me and cater to my well-being. Can't I do the same? Can't I let you rest against me, hold you gently as you nap?"

She laughs, the sound more pristine than bells.
"Of course you can. If you're offering, I can do that. It's just that it isn't necessary. Do you know what a forced march is, Xerath?"

"Well, I think I can imagine based on the name, but I don't know the specifics."

"Armies that have only their legs train to be able to march for days. I have done so."

I wince.
"That's not healthy... You really marched for days without rest?"

"Yes."

I squeeze her. Then, I sit up straight.
"That won't do. Please allow me to pamper you, Leanna. Feel free to rest."

"...Alright."
Her head tips backwards, then she shifts it sideways, landing on top of my head and nestling me in the space between her neck and shoulder.

"The strain several days of activity have on the body are already significant, but the effect they have on the mind are even worse. I know, I speak of experience. If it weren't for my abilities, I could have suffered some lasting damage from that time. So please, don't push yourself more than necessary."

"People are fully capable of running for days with good nutrition and water... We just... don't usually."

I stiffen at the contact.
"...are you sure that's comfortable? Don't you have to stretch to reach my height? Should I sink lower?"

"...just lean a little more..."

I lean more into her.
"Like this?"

"Yes. Like that..."

I place a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck, smiling softly.
"You are much more tired than you let on. Sleep well, my dear, and dream sweet."

And once again my lips make contact with a part of her. Who decided to make this person so tasty?
I, uh... I should have thought this through before. I now can't really move away from her. And why is she so tasty anyway? Is my carnivorous side flaring through again? But I should've rewired those instincts...
No, that's not it... the sensation doesn't have anything to do with wanting to eat Leanna. Perhaps some unpacking is in order.
So as I slowly, lovingly suck on Leanna's neck, working slowly so her rest isn't disturbed, I try to break down the taste and its effect on me.
It appears to come from a combination of her Force presence and a group of biological signals that are natively found in humans.
The former is magnified by my own Force senses, the latter by my Colicoid nature.
The state of the light of her soul is... difficult to unpack, so I begin with the biological components. These represent a set of markers and signals, only some of which can be perceived by humans even subconsciously, but to my insectoid nose, they are extremely loud in an olfactory sense. Still, even if I weren't... different, she would smell good to me. There is an element of raw genetic writ to it - her immune system is different than my natural one in a way that would naturally indicate the potential for strong offspring. Therefore, what would be the smell of body odor to most people is something else to me and what few others meet my genetic criteria.

This revelation causes me to blush brightly. Of course. Of course it would have to do with reproductional instincts. But how unique must she be to trigger such a strong response within me?

Of course, with me, there are other traces I detect. Several expected markers based on youth and status as a potential mate are expected at this point - it's no surprise that the Colicoid in me amplified those well beyond the mere traces they would be to the finest chemical sensors - but there's also an extra batch that is more confusing in nature. She radiates a smell of welcome, and comfort, one not directed at anything specific. She almost... doesn't smell human, from a certain perspective, less like a species and more like a friend. It's difficult to describe, but if this group of scents can be described to have any function at all, it would be setting people and animals at ease. And as I have the sensory organs to pick up on it, I can feel it too.

A gentle hand runs lovingly through her hair. She really is one of a kind. I feel incredibly lucky to have her. Not only her soul shines for all of life, but her very scent also does, too.

Weaving throughout all of these, however, is her light, and the aspects of the Living Force that remain unconsciously in use by every being on this world. The Force is sentimental, and every one of those molecules not only performs their intended function, but are also stamped with echoes of who she is, and as a person with a strong connection to the Force, those stamps run deep.
For anyone else that fits the balance necessary to detect the genetic marker, Leanna would smell pleasant and be enjoyable to keep the company of, with her abilities only echoing dimly about what she is at the heart. They would hear her song, but only just - enough to recognize her love as not being faked in any form, perhaps, or seeing past the facade of noble detachment.
For me, or anyone else that listens closely to the Force, however? Those echoes easily define many parts of the intake here. Tastes that would otherwise be irrelevant become sweet as fruit, the echo of genetics morphs into a promise instead of a suggestion, and the calming scent about her is twisted and made transcendent by the fact that who she is aligns perfectly with it.

How I could ever be deserving of such perfection, I do not know. Perhaps the fact I am possibly the only human hybrid in existence that could sufficiently detect and grasp the greatness of her being has to do with it?
And once again, I can only speculate on how much the wall about her soul is holding this back.

I... I stole the position as a god. But Leanna, she... she is a true goddess. I shiver in fear and anticipation for the day of her awakening.
I remember the vision I had yesterday, when we were together at the top of the sky, and she was aglow like the sun...
Yet I pale, my fear growing. I already struggle to accept that she considers me worthy enough. Even now, when I am a literal god and she 'just' a Mage-Knight, I feel truly undeserving of her. How much inferior will I feel when she becomes my equal in power as well?

Leanna seems to sense my inner turmoil, opening an eye. Her concerned gaze falls upon me.
'...what is it...?'

'Sorry, just... my insecurities are skyrocketing again. Nothing to stir for. I'm sorry I woke you.'

'...Xerath, you're afraid...what can I do to help...?'

'I... I'm afraid of the future. What will happen when you unleash the power within you? I already feel unworthy and undeserving of you as it is. How much worse will it be when you are my equal in strength as well?'

'...'
She is silent for a moment, thinking.
'...so what can be done about that...? ...can I...help somehow...?'

I shrug helplessly, squeezing her tighter.
'...I don't know, Leanna. I have no idea...'

'...well, you already know I don't care if you're strong... ...or at least, that's not why I'm letting you lean on my shoulder...'

'I know. But it is my ingrained instinct to protect you and provide for you. Right now I have the knowledge that I can ward off threats you couldn't face on your own, so that validates my presence at your side. But if that won't be the case anymore...?'

'...yeah, which is why I'm not sure how to help more... ...but even if I am your equal in some ways, that doesn't mean you can't help protect me, just as it doesn't mean I can't help make you happy because you can do it on your own to some extent...'

'...except I can't...'

'...even if what you are seeing in that vision could handle anything you could, that doesn't mean that it could handle anything the both of us could.'

'I... I suppose... But still, I want to keep you out of danger's way. If I'm not strong enough to face a threat, I need to get stronger...'

'...and even then you won't need to face something alone. ...just as you now don't need to face life alone...'

I feel my eyes tearing up slightly.
'...Leanna...'

I hold her gently, yet tightly, and take a deep breath.
'Thank you. I love you.'

'...if you need a place to cry, in my arms is a good spot... ...you're fine now...you're safe now...'
She echoes the voice of her scent.

'I know. But I'm good. Those were tears of gratitude. You are just so amazing... Even with my eloquent vocabulary in all the languages I studied, I couldn't find the words necessary to describe how perfect you are in my eyes.'

She smiles at me.
'...then we'll just have to settle for raw emotion, I suppose...'

I smile slightly.
'Heh. I suppose.'

Then, I sigh.
'I'm... sorry I'm such a wuss. I wanted to let you rest, and instead you woke up because of me again...'

'Xerath.'
Her voice echoes loudly in my mind.
'You are not weak. You are not a burden.'

'Maybe I'm not weak. But I'm worn out. Brittle.'
Then I blink.
'But I'm not a burden?'

'You are a joy.'

'I... am I really?'
I look away.
'Aren't I only making you and the others constantly worry?'

Her eyes seem to glow with life.
'You are. But that is worth it.'

'It is?'
I sigh again.
'I suppose it is. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't put up with me...'

'Xerath. Put up an illusion barrier so we don't disturb the others. They're resting right now, and you are going to kiss me.'

I blush.
'Uhhh...'

Well, how could I possibly decline a command of my queen like that? I simply can't, and do as instructed.
I shift her body so our faces can reach each other better.

"There we go."
She turns towards me.
"Come, sit close, in my lap if you need to."

"I pass. I do not wish to crush you. I'm sure this will suffice."

"Then I'll sit in yours if need be. Either way, you need a lot of love, and I have a lot."

I glance down.
"I'm sorry... I-... I assume I'll need your reassurance for a long time..."

"Don't be. I enjoy doing this."
She smiles, a slight blush forming on her cheeks.
"And the fact of what we're doing certainly helps."

I look up at her, blinking.
"Huh?"

Her rosy tint becomes more prominent.
"I enjoy making you happy. And I quite enjoy the things that are done to make you happy."

My own cheeks heat up as well again.
"I- I see... But still... I can't quite grasp why... why would you go so far for me? Do so much for me?"

"Shush with that for now. The purpose of this relationship is to crack into that why in the first place. For now..."
She checks distance, then frowns, and moves into the outskirts of my lap. One extra shimmy later, and she leans forward.
"...you're just going to be happy. Out of your mind, if we can manage it. Sound good?"

"Eep. Ahem. I mean, err... preferably not 'out of my mind', but... uhm... yeah."

"Well, as happy as you want and need, then. They're basically the same thing."

"Well, it's just... I had some run-ins with being 'out of my mind', and I'd... rather not repeat those instances... I know, it's not really comparable to this situation, but still..."

"Yeah... okay, think about it another way then. Is that alright?"

"Hm? Which way?"

"Just... being happier than you're used to at the moment."

I nod.
"Yes. But... please not out 'out of my mind'. The thought makes me uncomfortable. You having this narcotic effect on me is already almost too much for my taste."

"Okay."
She nods, full of understanding and patience.
"Are you comfortable?"

"Considering I just came back from existential dread, I suppose I'm fine..."

"And, to clarify, kissing me will make you more comfortable."

"Most certainly, yes. But do you rea-"
I cut myself off and shake my head.
"Sorry, I just can't seem to stop doubting myself. I need to trust your words more."

Then I lean into her, reaching up to cup her chin, thumb gently rubbing her cheek.
"If my lady is wishing for a kiss, how can I keep her waiting?"

She beams at me, looping her arms around my shoulders, and leaning in that final distance.
Unlike earlier this morning, when she let me make the final move to ensure I was comfortable with it, at this point my desire is established, and she wants me to know she is perfectly ready.
And in an instant, contact. The taste of her lips and her soul floods over me as her eyes close trustingly shut.

Overloaded with overwhelming joy, my eyes close as well, and my other arm snakes around her lower back, pulling her into me.

She lets me move her, aiding the motion and pushing further into me. At every point of contact my senses flare and my spirit sings, for her light swirls quickly in its hypnotic ways just beneath the surface of her skin.
The back of my mind questions once again how I could possibly deserve such bliss, but that doubt is quickly washed away by said bliss.
One hand trails down my back, tapping and stroking its way through every place that needs her, the other gives attention to my face and my hair, rubbing and scratching as needed.

I sigh into our kiss, as she just seems to know exactly how to work me. It would be uncanny how fast she figured me out, if I could bring myself to care about it.

And though she is lighter than me, her pressure has a kind of weight to it...a weight that, like the feeling of her hair or the taste of her lips or...well, anything about her, really, just feels like it belongs on me, perfectly calculated to get me to lean back and let the kiss take me...
Then maybe, just maybe, we really are meant to be? Maybe Leanna is really meant for me, just like I am certain I am meant for her? If so, then I might follow this feeling and just lean back and let the kiss take me.

"Mmmm..."
Soon enough, with gravity's help, the feeling of us being pressed together heightens, and every touch seems to sear hotter. But searing implies they are painful, when this heat could not be more different from the feeling of brands or blaster bolts. Or lightsaber wounds.
With my inhuman stamina and lung capacity, I continue to hold the kiss, unable to get enough of her.

By now I am flat on my back, and there is no getting around that my entire body feels the gentle, glorious pressure of her against it. My face and back most of all - that is where she devotes the most attention - but there are other places as well. My chest, through the layers of cloth made to turn away blades, can easily feel her stomach and... what lies above, and below. Force... she is criminally soft...
And criminally addictive. I flush brightly, but even so, I can only continue to pull her into me, making sure there is enough distance to Amelia so we don't bother her.
While she works on my back and chest, I work on her hair and back, running a hand through the golden locks, while my other caresses her back.

Eventually, she comes up for air.
"Hah... hah... feel... better?"

Her first concern is me.
As she is coming up from giving me one of the best five-minute time periods in my entire life, her first concern is whether I feel better?

I stare at her unbelievingly.
"You... you... Are you serious?"

She tilts her head most adorably.
"...Yes?"

"You... you just..."
I take a breath.
"You just gifted me the best five minutes of my entire life so far... and your first concern is if I feel better?"

I draw her into a tight hug.
"You know, in my galaxy, we consider someone that selfless a saint."

She smiles at me.
"If it does, I suppose I am. But do you feel better now?"

"I just told you that I just experienced the best five minutes of my entire life... Yes, I do feel better."
I gaze at her with loving eyes.
"And you? How do you feel? How was that for you?"

She blushes radiantly.
"...it was very nice."

I smile brightly, blushing just as much.
"Grand, I'm glad. Then... would you... like to... repeat that? We are kinda already in the right position..."

She smiles, still radiantly flustered, but also seemingly eager for more.
"Sounds like fun."

I draw her face closer again.
"I don't think 'fun' would be the right word, but whatever works for you..."

She hesitates a bit, worry creeping into her expression.
"Then, this... isn't fun?"

I exhale shortly through my nose, then smile lovingly.
"Leanna dearest, 'fun' doesn't come close to describing the bliss I feel. It is fun, in a way, but several orders of magnitude greater."

Her eyes seem to twinkle at me, her smile restored.
"Good answer."

"It is the truth."

"So you'd like more?"

I nod with a smile.
"I'd love more."

She leans down again, hair spilling down around my head. Even as things grow darker - her hair is opaque - they grow more golden, too.
I am surrounded by Leanna. Usually, I don't like being surrounded, or being in small places... But this, this is fine.
Unable to wait any longer, I pull her in and capture her lips with mine.

The spark passes, and pure sensation works its magic once again. She is so much...
Every part of me seems to call out to her. And she answers.

And now that I know what her scent and taste mean for me in detail, another previously rather dormant part of me calls out for her as well. The feeling of her pressed on top of me leads to my blood being circulated slightly differently. But if she will notice or not, I cannot say.
What I can say, however, is that I need her. She is the remedy for my fractured soul. Even if not quite healing, she soothes me in ways I never thought possible. Not even the healing rituals of the Voss can compare to her affection.
Yet once again, I remind myself that this is not only about me. If I feel inadequate compared to her, then I just have to work harder. Make her feel even better, so that no other person could compare to me. If I fear her to leave me, then I have to prevent that.
And so, I set out to make her feel at least as good as she makes me feel. Every touch of mine sends a spark through her, pulses of pure love.

She is warm, as she has been before - incandescent, exactly as warm as I need and want.
She is soft, pressing down into me everywhere my body cries out to be touched.
She is radiant, like a beacon pointed at me.
She sighs as I work, the smile working its way into the kiss, and it's clear she is content.

Telepathy. The strings in the air hum as she sings out into the Force, letting me hear her. It's a beautiful sound, of joy and bright affection, and it's all for me...

How she couldn't believe she was anyone special, when she is such an angel... it's still baffling me. But for now, all I can really do is to be overwhelmed by her... well, everything.

'...aya...ahmm...zer...'

I feel a part of my mind fortifying itself with shadows as an annoyed voice grumbles about too much light, but I can't bring myself to care. All I can care about right now is Leanna. Making her happy, and continuing the kiss for as long as possible.

'...Xerath...make sure that you are happy too...you don't need to devote everything to making me happy and leave it all to me...'

'Your happiness is my happiness as well. I can't just let you do all the work... And trust me, I'm more than happy right now. I love you.'

crick
'...you're too kind, Xerath...'

I have to smile into our kiss.
'Funny. That are my thoughts about you, too. Though I think that... no, now's not the time for those thoughts.'

She notices, and the kiss intensifies. It seems that I'm not going to get to feel bad about myself right now.

So I can only sigh into the kiss, my mind purely filled with Leanna. I draw her in even more, holding her as close as possible. Yet something in me seems to be about to awaken. Some sort of dormant hunger...

I feel the bound shards of my mind calm, no longer straining the chains that hold them. Where once they were splintered and needed to be marshalled, no one could convince them to do anything except act in unison now.

Leanna comes up for breath, face flushed. Her breath, too, is warm. So warm...
"Whew... see Xerath? ...You do... just fine at this."

My face mirrors hers, and I gaze up at her with a somewhat dazed expression.
"Leanna..."

She cups my cheeks and gazes into my eyes.
"Yes, Xerath?"

Force, my name sounds so good in her voice...

"I love you. I need you..."
My hold across her tightens, yet still is caring, as I guide her closer once more.
"You... you'll be my cure... I love you..."

She kisses my cheek.
"You deserve all that and more."

That causes me to blink and glance away.
"...how...? ...how could I ever deserve such bliss... such perfection? After everything I have done... How?"

I feel her sympathetic and patient expression trained on my face.
"Xerath, you have done much. You have done so much. I want you to love yourself, but since you can't really do that for now... you can love me instead, okay?"

I turn my gaze back at her.
"What have I done? Carved a path of death, destruction and misery everywhere I went! I'm not a hero... I'm a criminal. A mass murderer..."

Tears well up in my eyes.
"I do love you, more than anything else in the world. But how could I possibly deserve someone so amazing as you?"

"Shhh..."
Slow, calming rubs, as she pulls me into her shoulder.

Sobs break my voice as I speak weakly, buried in her shoulder.
"...how... please... tell me how... ...how could I ever have earned your compassion... never mind your affections like this...?"

She takes a moment to organise her thoughts.
"I'll... try to break it down... there's a lot to it."

She takes a steadying breath, both to calm herself and me, I assume.
"To begin, you know that my compassion isn't something that can be earned. It can only be lost."

I nod shakily, slowly retreating out of her shoulder to properly look at her.
"Yeah... And I'm afraid that will be the case once you learn the depth of my sins..."

"Two problems there. First, I haven't seen those yet, so you should be worried, not confused. Second, I doubt I will."

"...well, I am worried..."

"And all the things I've learned about you so far have made me more compassionate, not less. Case in point-"
She gazes deep into my eyes, as they sparkle with a deep concern.

I blink at her.
"Yes?"

She merely holds my gaze with those glistening gems filled with starlight.

I quickly get lost in her mesmerising gaze. Yet I still don't quite understand her point.

Seemingly sensing my confusion, she speaks up again.
"Tell me. You have my attention. Tell me what about the situation we are in convinces you that I do not have compassion for you."

"It's... it's not that I'm not convinced you don't have compassion for me. It's that I'm convinced you shouldn't have compassion for me. And I'm afraid you will realise this eventually..."

She shakes her head.
"Then why not tell me your concerns, so that I may assuage them?"

I ball my fists.
"But what if my fears come to pass then...?"

Another resolute shake of her head.
"They will not."

I close my eyes and turn my face away, unable to bear her gaze any longer.
"I don't know if I'm ready..."

She relents, but turns my face back towards hers.
"That's alright."

She moves down and kisses me again.
'...you'll tell me when you're ready...when you know it's safe... ...and that's okay...'

I sigh into the kiss, my tears drying.
"Mmhmm..."
'...okay...'

'...until then, cry all you need to...I'll worm some more hope into your heart eventually...'

'... Heh, you do that indeed. But the downside to all that hope is the fear of having it ripped away again... And the more hope I have, the more am I afraid of losing it...'

'...you'll be okay...'
Deeper, ever deeper, the chord rings in my soul.

'But will I? I gave myself to you, Leanna. I cannot afford to lose you. I wouldn't survive it. I can't go back to how I was anymore, and I know no other way to process all my fears now.'
I squeeze her into me, my grip almost becoming desperate.

She does not falter, however, working hard to overwhelm these thoughts - to prove them wrong just a little.

I allow a flicker of hope at her actions, but it is quickly doused by a lifetime of loss, failure and suffering. The lesson that everything good will eventually be ripped away from me has been deeply ingrained into me.

She leans back, and I can see the anguish on her face. She wants to help me... but how can she? Something like this can only possibly be cured by promises she doesn't know will be held and months and years of consistency she hasn't built up yet. As loving as she can be, she can't replicate the inertia of a steady relationship in one that has been going since this morning, no matter how much passion she can channel.

I wince at her expression, tearing up again.
"...I'm sorry... This is all my fault..."

Her response is quick and sure.
"No it's not."

"But it is. My thoughts and my behaviour are bringing you such worry and anguish. How could that possibly not be my fault?"

"Consider this: A child is physically and emotionally abused when they are young. When they grow up they are withdrawn and jumpy. Is that their fault?"

"I... I suppose not?"

She smiles softly.
"You are not responsible for how pain taught you to act."

"But I've been trained to handle such things. I could handle such things previously."

"Even if you could theoretically have done differently if you were 'stronger'. Because when life punches you in the gut you learn to shield that place, or you don't and you might keep getting hit. So I do not and cannot blame you for being guarded."
She caresses my cheek with a soft brush of her gentle fingers.
"I just wish you didn't feel the need to be..."

"I see... I mean, my guard around you is as low as I can get, but even so, there remain some things I'm deathly afraid of..."

"And you deserve all the love you need to make it through them, okay?"

I glance away.
"I'm not so sure about that..."

"By definition. No one should have to be in the place you are. No one deserves this."

"Indeed. But for the weight of my sins, I should deserve punishment, not love..."

Another soft, albeit sad smile.
"I don't believe in punishment, I believe in rehabilitation."

"I know you do. But I... Only a monster could do what I did... So how..."
I close my eyes and a tear slides down my cheek.

"War turns men into monsters. You are a person, Xerath. The combination of your doing them yourself and regretting them is enough to convince me of that."

"...but how..."

"How what?"

"How can you be so sure of that? How could you still feel so compassionate to me? I don't understand..."

"Well. You did these things yourself. You bore witness to them, executed on them, doing what you believed to be the best at the time."
She smiles softly.
"You regret these things now, wishing you had chosen another way."

"...not always... But for those that I had... for some of them, I still can't find a different way I could have taken..."

"And that means that you wish you didn't do them now? Now that you know there was no better option?"

I nod.
"Yes."

"What would've happened if you hadn't picked that option?"

"In the case I currently think of, I would have died."

"And since you did, what happened?"

"Everything. That happened way back on Korriban."
I lean into her shoulder, tears spilling from my eyes.
"...I shouldn't feel like this. I don't want to feel like this. But I do. I feel like all would be better if I had died all those years ago, so I wouldn't worry and pain everyone around me so much..."

She slowly strokes my hair.
"You aren't at fault for trying to protect your own life."

"Maybe not. But I did so many horrible things because of that... Is my life really... How could my life possibly be worth the plentitude of other lives I have taken?"

She nods, her expression still soft and patient.
"That's a good question. The answer is that it is and it isn't. Of course you aren't worth as much as all of them. They also aren't worth as much as you. Making a value statement here is hard."

"Of course it's hard, but... I can't... how..."
I glance at her with teary eyes.
"...how could I possibly justify taking so many lives...? I'm responsible for so, so much death and destruction... how can you even like me, never mind want to be with me?"

"Simple. You didn't take 'all those lives'. You took them one at a time. Except maybe when you didn't, but we can come back to that later."

I was about to say something after her first sentence, but her second makes me close my mouth again.

"Again and again, the universe faced you with enemies. You stop them, or they kill you. And your options for stopping them are limited. You could knock them out, but for most of your life that meant imprisoning them with the Sith Empire - assuming they didn't wake up a few minutes later and tried to kill you again."

I nod mutely.

"So we can assume that in most cases, unless you had the option to let them go and return to their own side of the war, killing them was the most moral option where you remain alive."

"...but how can killing someone be a moral option..."
I cast my gaze down.
"I'm... I'm so appalled and disgusted by myself..."

"When you have nothing better, same as everything else. It's not just about 'murder bad', you have to think about why that is. And the answer is pain. Pain of injury, of failure, of fear. Pain of friends and family who won't ever see them again. So, I ask you this: is it moral, therefore, to use death as a method to spare greater pain?"

I tremble in her embrace, tears streaking down my cheeks.
"...I... I'm not sure... Is it?"

"The pain of torture, or of wasting away for years knowing that they failed and now they have no choice but to linger in a damp cell? If they have no reason to believe they'll ever be rescued?"

"..."

"If someone is locked away until the end of their lives, away from any loved ones, comforts, or other things that make their lives worthwhile, isn't that the same as death, except with the extra step of lingering in the world? If they cannot escape, what's the point of sparing someone so they can live that life? Prison makes no sense unless the people who put them there want to let the people out one day, or if it's possible that the sentence might be changed. Is that true of the Sith? Do their prisoners enter the world again after doing their time?"

"...usually not... ...although I heard... that is changing currently..."

I can hear in her voice how this topic hurts her, too. But she pushes on regardless.
"...did the people you killed have good odds of seeing this new system you didn't know would exist?"

"...possible for some, but... unlikely for most..."

"And when deciding someone else's fate without the benefit of precognition, how do you account for far away changes in a justice system?"

"...you... don't... can't..."

"I don't know if your choices were the best ones, but I do not blame you for making them. Because you weren't thinking about any of this. What you were thinking was 'I have to survive'."
She rubs tenderly my cheek.
"Wasn't it?"

"...at first, it was mostly that... ...but... I also tried to... to weigh the best course of action... ...and... and..."
My hands clench around the fabric of her coat.
"...I've... I've found joy in fighting..."

My expression, especially my eyes, brim with disgust and hatred... for myself.

"Xerath. That, too, is about survival. How could you have endured so long if you hated every aspect of what you were doing? What would that have done to you?"

"I don't know... I..."
I close my eyes, more tears spilling out.
"For the longest time, I saw my enemies just as faceless foes that I needed to take down. Only now, after meeting you, I realised... what a monster I became..."

"Xerath."

I sniff.
"Some pacifist I am... I couldn't possibly deserve you..."

"I told you once that I keep a record of everyone and everything I kill, to keep perspective, and ensure I only do it when necessary. Do you know how hard that is? How much it hurts?"

I nod slightly.
"I... can imagine..."

"Seeing your enemies as inhuman, irrelevant obstacles... helps a person deal with them. Dealing with the trauma of killing actual people with hopes and dreams is really hard, and it can destroy the lives of hardened soldiers with liquor and nooses. So the normal way is to just... not. To pretend that they aren't people for your own sanity."

"...yeah... I'm noticing that right now..."

"Being a monster isn't a sign of being evil. It's a defence mechanism against looking at human hands stained red with blood. I choose to keep the bloodstains so I'm careful about what I add to them. Most don't. I don't blame them."
She continues to hold me.
"Why should I blame people for not knowing how to do something no one taught them how to do when their hands were clean?"

I would curl up right now if I weren't pushed down by her. Instead, I cling to her closely, holding onto her tightly.
"I... I can't... I don't..."
A heavy sob shakes my body.

"It is just criminal that the Sith would place you in these situations, tell you to embrace and use anger and other emotions, and then give you none of the tools needed to control and manage them. You deserved better than that life."

"...there... are... tools... for that. But those... are even worse..."
Then her last sentence registers and I blink up at her, stunned.
"Do you... truly think so? ...Really?"

"Is that a surprise?"
She strokes my cheek.
"Being forced to kill over and over is one of the worst things you can do to a person. If they don't want to go insane, they have to start rationalizing. As a result of your time there, you are battered, delicate, and constantly in pain. One of my closest friends, in pain, at all times where he isn't forced to think about something else."

She leans her head on my shoulder, her small voice betraying her own pain.
"It breaks my heart to see you like this..."

More tears spill forth, and it is like she broke the dam, as for the first time since I was a child, I cry openly into her, not even able to keep my voice down. I can't speak, as the tears and cries just won't stop, so I use a different channel.
'I'm so sorry! I don't want to hurt you. Maybe you'd be happier if we never met...'

I feel the powerful whiplash of her mind.
'NO!'
"Your pain would still exist. And I wouldn't get to meet you, to help you escape..."

That outburst grinds my thoughts to a halt and stuns me, but my cries are not stopped for long. In fact, as she continues to speak, they only come back stronger.
'I was... always told... that I deserved everything bad that happened to me... That I was just a slave... a worm... You're the first... to tell me otherwise...'

Tears dwell in her own eyes. I think. It's hard to tell with my blurry vision.
"Xerath, it does hurt me to do this, to help you. But that's not all it does... You're not a slave, you're a person. You're not a worm, you're a joy. Seeing a person who has been broken his whole life smile like you do around me is just what I need to know what I'm doing is worth doing."

My wails continue and I cry her name, completely overwhelmed. She's so good to me...

And she just holds on, slowly caressing my back.

I cling to her, holding her tightly like the lifeline she is. And like my chittering, my cries have an alien aspect to them. All the while, my thoughts can only repeat a single phrase to her.
'I'm sorry.'

She does not ask me to stop, instead simply comforting me, waiting until I ride it all the way through.
'"You have nothing to be sorry to me for. You have no need to apologize."'

Even as her spoken words mirror her telepathic thoughts, I can't help but apologise over and over again. To her, and to everyone else I have wronged throughout my life. The list is long.

She remains, and listens, hearing every cry, every apology.

It does take a long while, but eventually, my voice grows hoarse and my tears dry up. I close my eyes.
"...I'm sorry... Leanna..."

And with a final apology, I fall limb on the bench, completely drained and exhausted.

"For what?"

"..."
My mouth moves a bit, but no words form, and I pass out into sleep. My illusion breaks as my mind and power recede, desperately needing rest. Yet it is only down for a moment, as I feel Nox reach out and put it back up again.

Then, there is nothing but rest.

...

I stir. The first thing I feel is the glow upon my lips, and that of the words of affirmation.
Seeing someone as weighed down by pain as you smile like I make you tells me that everything I'm doing is worth it.

I lean into the feeling on my lips, only to realise that it is only the echo of her touch. My eyes open and I yawn widely, a small smile gracing my lips.

Leanna pushes my head out of its precarious place on her shoulder, assumingly not wanting it to fall.

How did I end up leaning against her anyway? Eh, probably Nox.
I fully sit up, smiling at my shining goddess.
"Hello, Leanna."

She smiles warmly.
"Hi Xerath. You sleep well?"

I shrug.
"Like always. Though... resting with you always seems to produce a better rest."

Then the previous events come back to me, and my face falls.
"And... have you managed to get some sleep, too?"

Her smile seems to shine even brighter.
"I did, don't worry."

I smile again, sighing in relief.
"Okay, good."

I glance out of the window.
"We're almost there, aren't we?"

She nods, and from how we're positioned it leads to her cheek brushing against me constantly.

I blush at the contact, glancing up at her.
"So... this wasn't a dream, was it?"

Her soul flares slightly, burning within its mighty cage. A warm, welcoming sensation blossoms in me.
"I really did those things."

I flutter my eyes at Leanna, blinking away the sleep.
"You... then we're really together... right?"

I lean into her.
"I'm so happy to have you, Leanna."

Colour rises to her face, enhanced by the golden glow of the evening sun.
"And I also participated in one very thorough kiss on this couch which ended in you being terribly overloaded."

My own face matches her hue, and then some.
"...So you did... That... may have been a bit too much. But..."

I smile at her reassuringly.
"I think I'm good now."

She smiles sweetly.
"Well, you should know at this point, but all you need to do is ask. For help, for love, for whatever you need. The worst you can get is 'no'. And I think even 'not yet' might help a fair bit."

I smile warmly.
"Of course. But I think... I need a bit to sort the recent events out. This has been an eventful day already. And you know that I'll turn to you if I need anything."

She nods as she smiles at me, more brightly than even the sun outside.

I gaze into her eyes.
"I love you, my dear."
Then I lean in for a quick peck on her lips.

Not only does she not deny me, she even readily reciprocates, and once again, she tastes sweet and warm, and every bit of the world seems to surge. All in exactly the right amounts. That even this part of her that is, in many senses, a force of nature treats me delicately and with extreme love...
Well, I initially planned to just give her a quick peck, but... what do they always say? No plan survives first contact with reality. It is just the same now, as I find myself unable to part from her. So instead, I lean into her more, coming for more. My arms wrap around her and I draw her closer.
And more is given. My nerves sing with the joy of sensing her, and my soul bathes in the presence of hers.
Bathing with Leanna... an idea for later, perhaps?
I cannot help but blush brightly as the thought creeps up, and I file it for later. Pushing it to the side so I can focus on the woman in front of me.
"Mmhmm..."

It is not long before the insatiable hunger creeps into my motions, sucking ever more ferociously, desperate to get more. Even this tiniest of tastes is like an elixir of life...
As soon as I notice it kicking in, I move away, giving Leanna a moment to catch her breath. I mustn't be ferocious with her, she deserves gentleness. I want to respect and cherish her, not ravage and devour her.

I hear her breathe, breathe again, and then give another smile.
"I noticed. You're getting better at it."

I blink. My befuddled mind lags a bit as my eyes focus back on her.
"Huh? Better at what?"

"You started pushing harder there for a moment. That usually means you're about to lose control. But you didn't. I didn't need to step in."
She beams at me.

"Ah. That..."
I scratch my cheek, then glance away at the end.
"I, uhm... basically, I pushed myself away as soon as I noticed it happening. I... I want to cherish and respect you, dear. Pushing... like that doesn't exactly fit that..."

She places a hand on my cheek, catching my focus back.
"Hey. You did well."

I look back at her and smile.
"...Okay. I'm glad."

I take her hand and give it a light kiss.
"You deserve only the best, after all."

Once again, my resolve is tested. Even her hands are amazingly kissable, thanks to my extreme senses. So I quickly let go of her hand after, not wanting to pull her in again and be overcome again.

"...it's not too much, is it? I don't think I've heard of someone being as obsessed with touching someone like you are."

"Well, of course you haven't. There are several factors at play that lead to me being this... sensitive to you and your touch."

Worry and concern dampen her bright smile.
"Oh. That's... not the most reassuring. I don't know how to dial it back..."

I shake my head.
"You can't. It's not a conscious thing on your part. You see, before I got eroded by self-doubt earlier, I analysed just why I am so incredibly drawn to you. I found several reasons that play together that lead me to being this obsessed with touching you."

She turns a little red.

I smile warmly at her. Her blush is still incredibly adorable.

Then, I remember that we are, in fact, not alone in the cabin, and take a glance around, slowly realizing that I didn't put up an illusion beforehand.
Kara is watching the scene unfold as if it's a popular reality holo. Zack seems asleep, and Amelia is asleep.

I flush.
"Uhhh... Hello, Kara..."

She waves at me, her smirk as audible as it is visible.
"Sure looks like you're obsessed, at least."

"...I knew I forgot something..."
I scratch my cheek.
"And... well, yeah. I think obsessing is one way to put it..."

"Kara..."
Leanna is no longer merely embarrassed. She's incandescent.

Kriff. I haven't even thought about how Leanna might react!
"Oh no... I'm so sorry, Leanna..."

Kara meanwhile drops her teasing smirk in order for a warmer smile.
"Oh don't worry, I'm very happy for you. It normally takes work to get someone to hang onto your every word."

Leanna looks my way, seeming distraught.

I return her expression.
'If you want, I could erase her memory...?'

'NO! Don't do that to people... I don't want you to do that for me...'

'Well, I'm just as distraught as you are. I did not mean for her to see that. I just... forgot...'

Leanna then addresses her.
"Kara... do you think you could keep this to yourself? Please?"

She pauses.
"Hmmmmm..."

I arc a brow.
"Alternatively, I could delete that memory."

"Well, it's not too much to ask. I can keep a secret, unlike a certain brown-haired lady in a little school somewhere."
She glances at me.
"Not interested in giving up memories, though."

I blink.
"Huh? Well, if you keep it to yourself, I suppose I can leave you with that moment. Just know that it was not something I wanted others to see, so I'd usually fix my mistake."

Leanna smiles a bit.
"You used to gossip, Kara?"

"Oh, all the time. It's really useful too. Good for learning."
She then smirks at the two of us.
"Still, now I know that I can never trust you two when you're seemingly sitting there. This is already shaping up into an interesting journey."

My cheeks flare.
"...I might need to fix my mistake after all..."

Leanna places a hand on my shoulder.

I turn to her, embarrassment shining in my eyes. Surprisingly enough, however, humiliation and fear shine with it.

Her expression creases in worry.
'You're hurting again Xerath. Is this a big deal for you? ...moreso than for me?'

I nod slowly.
'...showed weakness... I...'

I am at a loss for words for a moment.
'I... She has seen a side I do not want others to see. Although I do trust her, this could be... used... against me. Against you. Against us.'

Her arms open, in that subtle way I know by now, and she radiates a sense of welcome.

Instead of instantly leaning into her embrace, I cast a cautious glance towards Kara. My entire posture has become guarded by now, my expression neutral.

Kara shrugs.
"Not sure what I can do for you Xerath."

"...Neither am I. ...aside from forgetting it..."

She shakes her head.
"Not interested."

"...Alright. You are my friend, Kara, and I trust you. But if you speak a single word about this..."
I glare at her with an intense gaze that brooks no room for arguments, and my voice is dangerously quiet and firm. The decree of an Emperor.
"...then you will forget this incident."

She considers me for a moment.
"...I'm not sure being ominous suits you. But sure. Like I promised, I can keep quiet."

I nod.
"Good. And it would be advised that you do not bring this up with us, either. Or at the very least, not with me. You have seen something I did not wish for others to see. You can consider yourself lucky I respect you enough to not simply delete the memory."

Her expression indicates a sour taste in her mouth.
"Your threats do not enthuse me. But it's not difficult to do."

I close my eyes and take some deep breaths.
When I open them, the hard edge is gone, and my expression relaxes.
"Good. And I'm... sorry. But I... I come from circles where knowledge like that could and would be used against me. I cannot risk that making the round. Even if any potential risk is rather low while I'm here..."

She nods slowly.
"Understandable. Just, don't threaten me, okay? It's not necessary, or nice."

"I know, but it is my instinctive reaction to perceived threats like this."

"And now you know not to with us, okay?"

I glance down.
"I'm sorry."

Then I look back up.
"I would like to note that just because I intellectually know and understand something, my instinctive reactions are an entirely different matter. I find myself often at odds with them on this peaceful planet, and sometimes, I can't quite contain them."

"Of course. Just... work on it, okay? I'm sure she can help with that."

"Potentially."
I lean back in the seat, suddenly feeling tired and exhausted again.
"Just... know that three decades of abuse most likely will need quite some time to be fixed."

Leanna rubs my shoulder. A little feeling of comfort and joy.

I tilt my head her way and give her a small, grateful smile.
Then I let my head lull back and I stare at the ceiling, eyes glazing over with a distant look.
"...I feel like I'm not suited for peace. Not anymore..."

"..."

"My instincts are geared towards war. Towards distrust and deceit... Can't even trust friends properly..."

Leanna's ever-so-warm and welcoming mind reaches out to me.
'Tell me what you need, Xerath.'

'... I wish I knew. I feel... empty and guilty, right now. Kara didn't deserve that reaction from me. I don't deserve her friendship...'

Even through everything, Leanna's soul burns like a beacon to me. It... she wants so much to reach out and help me, make me feel better.

I sigh, only feeling even guiltier. I only worry her, too.
I cast an illusion outwards, only Leanna seeing what happens. My head droops forward, and I draw my legs close to myself, closing my eyes. I truly am a failure...

"Stop."
Leanna shifts and looks me in the eyes.
"We talked about this. You're not a failure."

I tiredly lift my head just the slightest amount, so that I can glance at her from under my hair.
"If I lash out at my friends, and only constantly worry and burden you, what good am I then?"

"You are not defined by how valuable you are to others. Your worth as a person doesn't rely on that."

I clench my fists.
"But it does! I... I have no worth of my own... I... I must be..."
My words trail off, unable to finish the sentence.

She pulls me in.
"You must have a hug."

I am unable to resist her, but don't move to return the embrace either.
"...am I even deserving it?"

"Xerath."
She focuses her gloriously sapphire blue eyes on me.
"I made a choice. Didn't I? Didn't everyone here make a choice?"

My fists clench so tightly that my knuckles turn white.
"...wasn't it just made out of pity?"

"What is pity? Why do you think of it as awful?"
She softly shakes her head.
"I am here because I want to be. Kara is here because she's interested in the ruins. She's not here because you're a good person, bad person, or any person. Whether you deserve anything has nothing to do with her. You aren't the centre of her hatred or pity. The only person that argument has any meaning for is me."

I close my eyes and exhale deeply, relaxing my hands. I then lean my head onto her shoulder.
"...I'm tired..."

She nods, massaging my head.
'You'll have to get someone to sub in if you need to sleep... and I'm not sure Nox is in a good place either.'

It seems she hasn't quite caught onto my meaning.
'...I'm tired of being myself, Leanna.'

'Who would you rather be, then?'

'...nothing...'
I take a breath.
'...alternatively me, but not on the verge of kriffing collapsing.'

She squeezes tighter.
'Oh, Xerath... I can see you'll need this for a while.'

'...well, I said so from the beginning...'

'Hearing that and understanding it are different. But... I'm ready, okay? I can fight the poison in your soul.'

'Can you really? Can you close the cracks that can spell my end?'

'Maybe I won't be able to kiss you like a real lover... maybe that would be fake. But my light will shine for you, okay? As long as you need.'

'Huh? Do we not kiss like a real lover?'

She blushes.
'There's... a lot more I feel I could do.'

'But, you know... forever is quite a long time...'

'I don't think you need forever to learn to love yourself. Just... centuries, at the outside.'
She smiles slightly.

'Perhaps. But I will need you and your light forever.'
I nuzzle into her.
'I cannot live without you anymore, Leanna."

She blushes, down to her toes. She is warm... so warm.
Warm enough for me to forget my worries, just for a moment.

"Mhm..."
I nestle against her, finally wrapping my own arms around her as well.
Then I glance up at her through half-lidded eyes.
"I love you."

Even if she doesn't respond directly, I can tell she's happy. Happy she pulled me out of the spiral, to focus on something else. And embarrassed that I can only ever focus on her. But that seems to be fine. Workable.
...even enjoyable. But that's not the priority for her. The priority is ensuring that I can be happy in the first place, loving in the first place.
"...if you can't believe in yourself, believe in me, okay?"

I smile slightly.
"You said that before. And my answer hasn't changed."

"I... just feel that I have to do it again every time. So please, through whatever means you feel comfortable with, remember this. Make this idea a part of you if need be, so you never forget. It's okay to not believe in yourself, to need something else to live for. I am okay with being that something. But that doesn't mean anything if I have to hammer it back into your head every time... so please, remember it. Can you do that for me?"
She almost stares deep into my half-lidded, deeply infatuated eyes with her own that shine like all the stars in the universe.

"Well, I haven't forgotten it in the first place. I remember everything after all, for better or worse."
I glance away.
"It's just... sometimes... my self-doubt wins over things like that, and I start to think that those things you said somehow aren't current anymore. So, remembering me of it every now and then is quite helpful. Though I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you like that..."

Those windows to her soul... she looks almost pleading. She's trying so hard to help.
Can I answer that request well?
"I know that. It doesn't need to be much at first. I just need a spark, something in your heart that glows even after the black winds blow the fire out, so I don't need to rush so much in getting a brand new fire going..."

I close my eyes.
"I'm so sorry..."

"If you know a way I can give you that... ask."

I open them again and gaze at her with pained helplessness.
"If I knew a way, I would tell you immediately. But... I have no idea... As you already noticed, you are the only reason I want to be alive again. And every now and then, my thoughts become dark, riddled with the hatred I have for myself... I begin to think that I'm not deserving of your care, kindness and affection. Those moments where I start to think you'd be better off without me are probably the ones you feel the fire being blown out. And I have absolutely no clue on how to prevent that..."

I squeeze her tightly.
"I'm so sorry I'm hurting you so, Leanna. I only want for you to be happy, yet I'm the greatest source for your pain..."

"Xerath."
The word flows out of her, a microaffection.

I gaze at her.
"Yes...?"

She cups my cheeks, and the warmth washes over me.
She looks into my eyes, letting me get lost in the sensations of her. So warm...
So blue...
So beautiful...
My heartbeat slows.
My expression slowly turns from painful helplessness to dreamy love.

"Calm down for me."
Her voice... has this unearthly quality to it, resonating within every part of my soul.
It feels... like I'm hearing her voice, her real voice, for the first time. A voice only for me.
"Can you do that, Xerath?"

"I will do everything for you, Leanna."
In the face of such a development, how could I respond with anything else than complete devotion?

Her eyes sparkle with love.
"Remember. I am always there for you. Even when you're far away, when you can't reach out to grasp my hand, I'll be there, in your heart. When darkness consumes you, when the world threatens to swallow you whole, when death rears its head, call out. Reach within, and no matter what, I. Will. Answer."

I blink, abashed.
"I... I'll try to keep that in mind. It's... well, it's just kind of hard to focus on the light when darkness consumes me, unless you shine it directly in my face."

I then reach out to hold her hand.
"Also, I'd prefer it if you were within my reach. I don't want to be far away from you."

She nods, and gives my hand a squeeze. It sends a powerful light surging through me.
"I know. You're in pain. And I can't let that continue, Xerath. I will do everything I can to help you heal."

Her gaze seems to wrap around me, and I can't help but fall in, bathing in a pool of bright blue, glowing love.
"Look inside yourself, past the darkness. Can you feel it? The light in your soul, shining in the cold? Your memories of all the good the universe has done for you, what little there is of it? Kory, Zash, A'den, Lord Kallig, all the friends you made. Every little victory against a galaxy that hated you."

"...not quite. Just like the power given to me by the Elemental, it gets overshadowed by the other side."

"Then let me help."
She leans in and kisses me, and I am overwhelmed. Such love, such warmth, such raw determination to see me through everything...
It's... divine.

I was right.

I was always right. Leanna is...

'"Hush now, Xerath."'

The words echo in my mind, and the demons quiet. The straining stops. And...
In the thickets of my soul, I see a light. Kindled by Leanna's actions, it can be seen, dim against the darkness.
Huh. So that was the small flame she mentioned she wanted to hold on to.
Maybe... just maybe... I am not past saving. Maybe I still have a future.
Maybe I do deserve her.

It needs sheltering, fostering, love and attention enough for a sector.
But isn't that the person I've found?

I melt into her and our kiss. Maybe I was right, and we truly were meant for each other.

I feel the sound of Leanna's laughter coming from the little flame, the chord it originally struck in me.
And... now Leanna reaches deeper still, nowhere in my soul can help but hear her song with rapt attention. The only exception is a ball of self-contained darkness, whom the songs are not for. He hears nothing. He only knows.
But all of me? All of it is together.
And all of it is hers.

With my lips locked, I can only relay my thoughts, and my feelings.
'I love you, Leanna.'

Musical giggles weave through me like honey in response.
'You talk a lot about deserving things. I'm not a fan of what we do and don't deserve. I'm far more interested in what we need.'

'Well, I knew I need you from the very beginning. Just whether or not I deserve you is- was a variable.'

'Then you need this, don't you? And I'm offering, so how about you just... let me work.'

A groan escapes my lips... Leanna is always the most delicious thing...

'I'll never get enough of you, my love.'
I deepen the kiss, and expand some focus to make sure she feels the pleasure, happiness and joy she imparts to me.

Leanna... she is hungry, and before her assault on all my senses, all barriers collapse and I can do nothing but broadcast how much I love her in that way. She's just... so good. So good...

Her hunger catches me by surprise, but it stirs my own. And with all barriers collapsed, I cannot keep it in check. So I quickly turn it around on her with assertive strength and fervour.

But what does she do?
She smiles. No amount of strength can force her into the wall. Instead, she slowly, deliberately leans back, matching the bug at every turn.
'Delicious, once you're ready for it.'

And despite the instincts being in control, my conscious mind is stroked no less fervently. I feel loved.

That feeling... that overwhelming feeling of being loved... it makes me pause. My eyes tear up as I get overwhelmed by the feeling, and my body freezes up.
'I... I love you so much, Leanna...'

The kiss slows, from hungry to affectionate, and she leans back up, cradling me in her arms.

The wetness spills forth as I feel myself forced to break the kiss, instead opting to rest my head on her shoulders.

She slowly massages me, letting me feel the loving energy pour over my body. Every little while, she plants a wondrous kiss on my cheek.

I can only whimper, feeling completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of love and affection.
'"I love you..."'

"Xerath. For much of your life, you've been alone."
Her soul pulses, revealing the deep cracks in the wall that unveiled this love.
Then, another kiss, heralding feelings of pure rapture.
"So drink. This feeling... it's me. You aren't alone anymore."

My emotions for her resonate within me, and within her. An undying, uncompromising love for her.
I look up at her, weakly.
"...thank you. But... maybe... too much..."

"And you'll Never. Be. Again. I will always be with you, in spirit if not in flesh."
She gazes into my eyes again, and feels... strange. Like... she's beginning to love me too.
"I'm... sorry. You were in such pain... you broke through. I needed to let you know that the world was getting brighter. But... I'm not ready for this either."

Her hair, aglow with a dim light, flickers off for a moment.
"Just remember... what I told you, okay? Remember how it felt... you deserve nothing less. I... loved feeling you like this."

The cracks begin to close.
"Thank you, Xerath..."

And the thread snaps.
I float down from the utter bliss that was that experience as if on a cloud. Yet unlike with spice, there is no great crash, no pain at being returned to reality... because that is reality. I squeeze her tightly.

Leanna clutches her head.
"Ughhhh..."

I blink, focus returning to my eyes, which then turns to concern.
"Oh no, Leanna! Are you okay?"

She nods weakly.
"Yeah... just... exhausted, I think. Like... emotionally drained."

"Understandable."

She looks up at me.
"Did... it work?"

I hold her softly, gently.

"Did you see me?"

I smile warmly.
"It did, and I did. How could I miss that beacon burning for me?"

"You... said it was too much... did I do it wrong?"

"No. Not at all. It was... quite overwhelming. Like a parched man from the desert suddenly getting thrown into a lake."
I lovingly stroke her hair, trying to ease her pain and discomfort.
"It was... wonderful, for a lack of a better word, but... just a bit too much at once."

She searches my eyes.
"You... feel better, then?"

I smile reassuringly.
"How could I not? I feel like I could take on anything the universe throws at me. Because I am not alone anymore. Because now I have you, my dear."

I lean my forehead against hers.
"Thank you for showing me this. Thank you for shining for me. Thank you for being you, Leanna. I love you."

She smiles, still quite exhausted.
"Just... hold on, please... hold on for me. If you can't do it for yourself, hold on for me."

"I will. For as long as I can, I will."
While before I leaned against her, I now pull her in and cradle her, letting her rest.
"I will hold on for you. I will hold on for us."

She exhales.
"That's... good. Good... boy..."

I wince at her choice of words.
"Please don't."

"Oh, sorry!"
She squeezes me tightly, but then slackens.
"...I feel like I've been running for days..."

"I'd imagine."
I place a soft kiss on her hair.
"And it's alright. Just... please don't call me a 'good boy'. That's... it has unfortunate connections with my past."

"Of course. I'll... find something better."

"I'm sure you will. But for now, just rest a bit. We will arrive soon, but I wouldn't mind carrying you around. So don't worry. You strengthened me."
I kiss the tip of her nose.

She giggles slightly.

"Awakening your powers like that... even if only just a bit, is quite the considerable feat. You can be proud of yourself, my goddess."

"But... you're happy, now, right? Not afraid?"

"Yes, dearest."
I give her a soft kiss on the forehead, cradling her in my arms, and offering her a warm and soft smile.
"I am happy. Very happy indeed."

"...Can you still see that little light?"

I gaze into her eyes with loving adoration.
"I saw it from the very beginning. And although your power has receded back inside, I still feel its effect very clearly."

Then, I blink in realisation.
"Or do you mean the light inside of me?"

She nods slightly.
"Yes, the one in you."

"I see. Well, yes. You pushed the darkness away enough that I can still see it."
I stroke her hair.
"And now knowing where it is... it might be easier for me to find it again in the future."

Her smile shines up at me.
"So... whenever you're feeling horrible... you can hold that in your hands, and the darkness will go back a little..."

She moves her hand up and scratches my head in that way.
"...because that's where I live in your heart, and the little bit of me that's there can help. ...and I think that, maybe, the first things I'll learn how to do are things with that..."

"Krrrrrkrrrrr... Ahem. I'll... try to keep that in mind. Although, I think I'd like it to have you around just in case."

"Oh, I know that. But... well, I'll figure it out."
Her affectionate expression becomes even more adorable as she slightly tilts her head at me.
"Though... you're sure you're not interested at all in me increasing my presence in your soul?"

I arc a brow.
"Did I give you that impression? My apologies in that case. Because I wouldn't mind having you fill not only my mind, but also my heart, my soul."

She smiles, though her face reddens.
"I'll keep that in mind, Xerath."

She's still so warm and radiant...
...before, I thought that I could no longer live without this in my life. Experiencing a taste of what was to come, however... I'm beginning to wonder how I ever lived at all without at least knowing this would come.
And even now there are still so many things I don't know. Even without counting the future, there are still so many things she could do, and so many experiences to fall in love with.

I lean into her, kissing her cheek.
"You are wonderful, Leanna, and I love you more than anything. And I hope you know by now that you are truly special, not just some nice knight."

I chuckle.
"Although I suppose you are my knight in shining armour."

Scritches continue, and she smiles.
"Maybe I am. And glowing like that does make a good argument for something like that. Still, I... hope you can handle that memory I gave you okay... I don't think I should do something like that for a little while. You won't have too many problems, will you?"

"That... is difficult to predict. But I think I'll be fine for the time being. And don't worry, what you gave me was quite... overwhelming. It was what I needed in the moment, I suppose, but I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be with that being a regular thing."

She tries to squeeze me, but has not much strength left, so she settles on nestling into my embrace.
"Just... be open, okay? Tell me what you need, and we can work things out together."

"I'll try my best. The problem is that I'm not even sure what I need myself. So, for now, I think I just... need your reassurance, I guess. When the poisonous darkness in my mind creeps through the cracks and whispers that I'm not good enough for you, that I don't deserve you, that you'd be better off without me... I need you to remind me that you want to have me around."
I scratch my cheek.
"And maybe... maybe I'll be more resilient against those whispers of doubt once you reciprocate my feelings in full and can tell me as such."

"Of course."
Her eyes shine.
"I... think I'll be able to walk just fine on my own, okay?"

"Aww. So I don't have to carry you through the city once we arrive?"

She smirks at me.
"Well, if you want it enough I could accommodate you."

"Hmm... feeling your litheness in my arms, having you pressed against me, while also being able to show off my strength to you... I think I wouldn't mind it."
Then, my face sobers with worry.
"Although, would that fall under the public displays of affection you'd be uncomfortable with?"

She nods.
"Yes, it would. Very much so."

My face falls.
"I see. Then perhaps another time. Can we still hold hands? Or... no, that could potentially alert your parents as well, couldn't it?"
I sigh.

"Yeah. All of these things are big problems. Even carrying me because I needed it wouldn't help all that much."

"I see."

"And we probably shouldn't travel under illusion in such a crowded place."

"Possibly. I mean, my illusions are masterful, but still. Better not take the risk, right?"

She nods, rubbing her cheek against mine in the process.
"Mhm."

I sigh again, but have to smile at her gesture.
"... I look forward to when we can move together in public. What would be required for that? Your parent's blessing? Or... how did you call it? ...Wedlock?"

"..."

Oh dear.

I blink.
"Have I said something wrong?"

"...uhhhhh..."
That's a lot of red. Like a lot. Such vibrant colour.
"I mean... yes? That would give some leeway, but..."

I brush her burning cheek, looking at her with pure worry.
"...But?"

She takes a breath.
"Well... I think I'll just leave it at saying... you suggested a devotional act that I'm not ready for as an inevitability..."

"I... see."

"Maybe... think about what you just said for a minute... What that would mean..."

I blink at her.
"I am fully aware of what I said, Leanna."

I tilt my head.
"Or do you think I was not aware of the meaning of my words?"

"Well, what about the things that get tied up in that..."

I blink again.
"Like what?"

"ummmmm..."
She is audibly thinking of a few things.
First, contextually, what it would mean we have already done.

Oh. I glance away.
"Right, of course. You're still not sure if this is what you want in the long run. I'm sorry I got ahead of myself."

"...thank you."

My head droops and the shimmer in my eyes lessens, as my disappointment is all but palpable.
"...you're welcome, I suppose..."

"It's alright, Xerath. It's... kind of cute you forgot. For a moment, you believed that the world was better for you than it was, rather than worse. That's hope, and I love that."

"Yes. And now the disappointment of reality is catching up again."
I sit back up in my seat, letting Leanna back into hers.
"You said you can walk on your own, right?"

"Yes."
She sits back, but gives my hand a tender squeeze.
"And by the way, just so you know..."

She smiles brightly at me, like starlight.
"That hope made what you were hoping for more likely."

I feel my cheeks heating up, and have to avert my gaze from her smile.
"I... see. Well, that's at least something... I guess..."

She nods encouragingly.
"It is something."

I continue to look away, scratching my cheek, not quite sure how to respond.
"...and... just so you know... I don't like to hope for something only for that hope to be quashed. That is worse than having no hope in the first place."

"Has it really been quashed?"

"It has been dampened. Quite much."

She cups my hand in both of hers.
"Xerath, if what you believed for a moment was really true, it wouldn't be hope would it?"

"I suppose."

"Hope is about things that haven't happened yet."

"Yes."

She then releases my hand, instead opting to cup my cheeks, gently guiding my head to face her, and moves in close, until all I can see is her - her perfect eyes, her gorgeous skin, the infrared radiation imprinted with her being...

My heart skips a beat and my breathing catches in my throat.
"Y-yes...?"

"Hope isn't about what's happening now. It's about trusting something to happen next."
The taste of her breath wafts between us, more intoxicating than anything else in the world.
"What do you hope will be the next thing to happen?"

"Uhh... as in right now, or in general?"

"Right now, Xerath."
I feel her soul blazing like an inferno, scraping under the barrier at a blistering pace, echoing against mine.

"Uhhm..."
I blush brightly.
"If you ask me like that... I hope..."

I lean into her, finishing with a whisper.
"...that we'll kiss."

"Mmmmmmmm... and how does that make you feel? That anticipation, and hope?"
She blinks, a fluttering motion that passes in a second and yet, alone, could capture my senses for hours.

"...restless. Impatient."
I close my eyes, my expression falling.
"...greedy. Needy."

"Well... why is that?"

"Because I want you, Leanna. And the closer you are to me, the more I want you. Instincts I didn't know I even possess urge me on, and it takes considerable effort to keep them at bay, even without you fluttering your eyes at me like that. And then... I feel greedy for wanting you that much, to want to kiss you all the time, since we just got together earlier. It makes me feel like I'm needy... because I need your touch, I need your love..."

"That does make sense. But I have a counterargument."

A sigh escapes my lips.
"Then please, tell me."

She kisses me.

I blink my eyes open.
"Mhm?!"

'Neediness isn't something applied to oneself. It's the perspective of another. To say you are needy doesn't really mean anything if the person you feel needy towards doesn't mind attending to those needs.'

'I... see. That makes sense... I guess.'
My eyes quickly close again as I lose myself in our kiss, my love for her pooling out.

'And it's even less relevant when the person in question enjoys attending to them.'

'Ah... you... you do?'

A gentle, loving pressure closes around me, formed of scents and feelings I just could not imagine days before.
'Of course I do! I don't do this for no reason, now, do I?'

'...sorry. Of course you do.'
I smile into the kiss as my arms wrap around her, pulling her closer.
'But I hope you don't mind if I try to make it even more enjoyable.'

I feel her presence push even closer, deliciously so.
'Of course not. In fact, I was thinking of trying something.'

'Oh? And what might that be?'

'...what feels like ages ago now, I denied you something you thought normal because it was totally abhorrent to me. I want to open our minds to each other - no more than we are comfortable - so we can hear each other. So you can have what you thought was normal with me, not this distant parody of it.'

'Can we... not do so already? I mean, this is the telepathy I am used to.'

'It is? From how you felt about it, I thought that it was - or at least, that it could be - far more intimate than that. The emotions you send to me... feel like distant echoes.'

'It could be. And since you accepted me, I've been pouring my emotions into our bond, especially each time we kissed. That is the more intimate form of sharing emotions. Though I suppose you only receive it as a vague feeling of something.'

'Not anywhere near the brilliant flame I've been feeling my entire life. So, I thought that like the day I brought it up, you've been holding back, afraid that you'll spook me.'

'Well, I kind of did, but not too much. Not since earlier, at least. There hadn't been many instances where I needed to send you waves of emotions, either.'

'Perhaps not. But just using language... seems like lost potential. Telepathy can do so much more than just words.'

Those words... so much more... there's a weight to them, an indescribable feeling. A thrill runs through my soul as Leanna speaks those words.

'Well, yes... But this is as much as is normal between people. At least people not as close as we are.'

'And I want to try doing something more. Are you okay with that?'

'I...'
Hesitation.
'I don't... I'm not sure...'

There is a bit of hesitation in me- I am cautious about directly touching Leanna's soul after the first time I tried.

Past the barrier of normalcy, there are oceans of transcendent emotion that even Leanna has barely begun to grasp. The most accurate way to describe what's down there is that it's powerful, a kind of sensation capable of dragging people down without meaning to. And Leanna doesn't know that what she's offering could be dangerous, even as it would almost inevitably cure all of my current problems in a snap.
For my mind, while mighty in its own right, is fragile, and such a dip could wipe away all my worries.
Permanently.

And everything else along with it.
'I... That may be unwise.'

'Why so?'
Her question carries no blame, no accusation, just innocent curiosity.

'On one hand, I'm... not sure if I can open up myself like that already, and on the other hand, I'm not sure if I could handle you opening up like that. I... I mean, we just got together today. And... despite my impatience, it... it goes very fast, and I find myself easily overwhelmed by you.'

She nods softly.
'Okay.'

And so, the kiss simply continues. Even like this, without the incredible weight of love she showed before, this remains... so good. It honestly feels like she is massaging my soul, not to mention how everything feels and tastes in the physical world.
It doesn't feel like I'll ever get used to kissing her. Or that I'll ever be able to get enough.

I hold her close, trying to make her feel as good as possible. Because she deserves nothing less. She makes me feel this good already, with such a simple, chaste kiss, the least I can do is to return the favour.

It takes time... a fair while, before she runs out of breath. She leans a bit away, the heat of her breath, the taste of her lips, the sheer sensation of it all still ringing all across my soul. As though I were a gong someone had just struck with great force.

I gaze at her with shimmering eyes, my soul singing with joy. A hand brushes over her cheeks.
"I love you, Leanna."

"Do you still feel needy now, Xerath? And... do you still think that's bad?"

"Well, I still feel needy, in the way that I need you. However, given how you seem to like the act of providing what I need... it might not be as bad as I feared."

A finger trails down my back.
"That's good."

I cradle her in my arms once more, gently stroking everywhere. Back, shoulders, arms, every place where it's respectable to touch, I caress her.

She chuckles humorously, even as a slight sheen of colour graces her cheeks.

"Huh? What is it?"

She smiles amusedly.
"You're really quite dutiful, aren't you?"

"In what way?"
I blink at her, not quite catching her meaning.

"I mean, most people would just find a few spots and stick to them. You seem intent on giving everywhere a lot of attention."

"I need to find out where you like it the most, don't I? Besides, I can't help it when everything of you is so lovely."

"I suppose it was a fair bit more trivial to find the parts that you liked, given how you react."
To prove her point, she scratches my head. And scratches my head...
...love...
How can she do it so good?

My head twitches as the insectoid chittering escapes my throat once more. I glance at her through half-lidded eyes as I snuggle into her, and into her scritching touch.
"Krrrrrrrkrrrrr..."

She gives my forehead a kiss as she works... and experiments. A little more force, perhaps?

...no, that's not quite right.
"Mhmh... just like you did before. Your gentle touch is perfect."

"Not more force then?"
The physical pressure eases, and as she smiles down at my relaxed form, some of that light flows to the tips of her fingers, brushing across the gap.

"Haaah... just like that... krrrr..."
I shake my head slightly, and my gaze focuses on her.
"However, there is one thing I want to clarify."

"Yeah?"

"To my understanding, romantic relationships are an equal exchange between the parties involved. And... well, I feel like you do so much for me, that it leaves me behind. I know, that technically, I need you more than you need me... but still, I also know that you have many troubles that you keep hidden. I want you to know that I am there for you just as much as you are for me."

She leans down and kisses my hair where she's scratching, and the place shudders with the magic of her love.
"Of course. Thank you."

I glance into her eyes, my gaze set with conviction and devotion.
"I love you, Leanna. More than anything in existence. I want you to be happy and free you of your burdens, if possible."

Then I scratch my cheeks.
"And, well, I assume that being able to help you would also help me in feeling not as inadequate as I do."

"Of course."

I sigh, combing her silken locks, and look out of the window.
"Good. We'll arrive soon, won't we?"

"Won't be long now. But a watched pot never boils."

I blink at her.
"What?"

"You know. If you keep checking how long something will take, it will seem to take longer."

"Good."
I smile at her.
"I can only hope so."

"I suppose you want this moment to last eons, don't you?"
Her other hand cups one of my cheeks.

"I wouldn't mind that, yes."
Then, I frown slightly.
"Because I'm not looking forward to having to hide our relationship once more."

"I suppose not."

"Don't worry, I understand the reasons and will comply. But... that doesn't mean I like it."
I tenderly rub a thumb over her cheek.
"After all, if it were up to me, I would smother you with my love at every given time, and if someone had a problem with that, they could see how much I care."

"Well..."
She blushes absolutely adorably.
"...what would that look like, Xerath? What would you do 'at all times' to so smother me, if you could?"

"Hmm..."
I gently clasp her hand.
"I would hold your hand. Or alternatively..."

I wrap an arm around her waist.
"I'd pull you close like this. I'd give you a kiss every time you're especially sweet. I wouldn't mince my words as much and focus on telling you my feelings, instead of how others might perceive it. I would treat you like the queen and goddess that you are, carry you around if you'd wish so."

I then scratch my cheek.
"But, well, since I'm not quite knowledgeable on this topic, most would depend on the moment. I'd go with what would feel to be the best choice to make you happy at any given moment."

She beams at me, seeming embarrassed.
"Well, a lot of that sounds nice..."

I lift the hand I hold to my mouth.
"I'd hope so. You are my goddess, Leanna."

I kiss her hand.
"And one day, I hope you'll also be my queen."

At that moment, we pass the town limits. I feel a cold sense of magic - which then quickly passes as the train pulls into the station.
My eyes widen as I snap my head to stare out of the window.
"Wha-?"

Leanna is, understandably, a little confused and concerned.
"What is it?"

"I... I'm not sure, but I have a bad feeling about this. Something's wrong, I can feel it."

"...Well, I'm not sure what you're sensing, but we'll be on guard, okay?"

I nod slowly.
"...Something's going on. Something magic. Stay alert."

A shrug, and plate armour falls into place around her.
"I don't know off the top of my head what you could be detecting, which worries me..."

I blink.
"Oh. Right. You can do that."

I gleam at her with an interested spark.
"How does that work? I've noticed that your armour can retract and fold out, but I think this is the first time I've seen it directly."

"It's my own wind magic, actually. A little touch of sorcery to unlock it, and a touch more to tie it all together like a suit of armour should be."

"Fascinating."
I smile at her proudly.
"And you came up with that?"

She shakes her head, however.
"No. It's standard issue for Wind Knights. When you don't always have a helper on hand, it helps to be able to take it on and off by yourself."

"Oh. That's right. You don't have traditional telekinesis to help you with that, after all."

"Armour is heavy and complicated, even when it's made of an armouring transteel."

"Still, consider me impressed. It's ingenious, and it also manages to... contain your beauty... somewhat."
I blush as I think back to when I saw her in her dress, glancing away and scratching my cheek.
"I did not expect that you were... uhm... so... much underneath it..."

"I mean, joints are structural weaknesses, and running while bouncing is kind of hard."

"I... can imagine..."
I turn even redder.
"...but I shouldn't have..."

She raises an eyebrow.
"Your thoughts, Xerath. My fidelity or lack thereof in a daydream means nothing."

"Yes, but... that thought is very... distracting."
I run a hand over my face, feeling the heat on my skin, and take a deep breath, becoming aware of the lack of ventilation in these cabins, and thus the overwhelming sweetness of Leanna's scent. Oh Force, not again... Focus. Something to focus on... Right, magic. My eyes gain an edge again as I focus on something that is not Leanna, even as I look back at her.
"Should we tell the others to keep their eyes open as well? That I sense something off here?"

She smirks bemusedly.
"We should. But would you rather they look at you before or after you stop blushing?"

"Ah, it's still not down? Blast it..."
I close my eyes, focusing on my breathing and my blood flow, bringing both under control, forcing the additional colour out of my face.
Then I open my eyes again to gaze at her, focused on a task at hand.
"This should do it, right?"

"Yes. You're good and repressed now. And if you want we can talk about it later when you're comfortable."

I blink.
"Talk about what?"

"The things that make you uncomfortable with blushing in public, or the things that made you blush, depending on how it goes."

I nod.
"If you wish, we can gladly do that. Perhaps when we... share a room again?"
I glance at her shyly as I say the last part.

She puts a delicate finger to her smooth chin.
"Well, if the maximum number of beds in a room is two, then there will be no monetary reason not to unless someone is comfortable with the floor to the point that getting them a bed isn't worth it. That's usually the case, so why say no? Unless either I'd like to spend time with Amelia and Kara, or you'd like to spend time with Zack."

"Well, I would actually like to, but not to the same extend as I want to spend time with you. Further, I doubt he would share that sentiment."

She smiles sweetly.
"Well, I certainly won't pry into your motives for wanting to spend the night with me."

I take a deep breath.
"You're doing this deliberately at this point, don't you?"

"Yes? We're in a relationship - this is something we get to do. Unless you don't want me to?"

"Well, I don't mind. But right now I spent quite some effort into regaining my cool. I won't let you disrupt it so easily and fast again."

"Alright."

"But also..."
My gaze mellows, softening with some worry.
"Poking this side of me might not be... a good thing."

"Concerned about jumping me?"

I nod, meekly but seriously.

"Well, if I can put in my two crowns, what that side of you indicates to me is that I'll have to train it."

I shake my head.
"It's... too dangerous."

She frowns slightly.
"You being afraid of yourself isn't fun for anyone, you deserve to be in control of that."

"I feel... something stirring, whenever you poke it too much. A beast wanting to break free. The colicoid side of me..."
I ball my fists and hold them in front of my mouth as I turn my face away.
"And I am not in control of it."

"I think that with help, you could. There are a lot of things in your head that you have trouble navigating, because no one's taught you how. My change of word choice there is deliberate, actually. Because I think that once you learn and understand this, you might not control it, but you'll understand it, and learn to harness it. Just like anything else in there, there's nothing evil about it - you just need a way to express it. A way that's positive, that you feel happy with."

I shake my head. She still doesn't understand.
"It's too dangerous. I may be able to, with time, but not now. There are way too many things going on at once. And besides, my colicoid side is... quite literally a beast trying to break free. And I think the next time will be soon..."

"How soon, Xerath?"

"Sometime this week, I think."
I take a breath. I need to explain this, so she can understand.
"I... haven't mentioned this before, but... since my rebirth, my genome got stabilized, yet it's still not fully... stable, I suppose. For one or more days a month, my colicoid side gets significantly stronger."

I shrug, suppressing a shiver.
"But at least I don't turn into one anymore."

"And when this happens, what happens?"

"So far, it only increases my appetite and aggression, letting me crave weird things - like rocks, or chemicals. But with my currently unbalanced emotional state... I do not know what it will do to me. And if my newly awakened... uhm... reproduction drive is affected as well, and even poked by you, I... I fear for what could happen."

"Are you able to predict the shift?"

I shake my head.
"Not quite. I will know that it happens when it happens, but I can't say when it happens exactly. It's unfortunately random. And as I said, I don't know what will change exactly, either."

I stare at her with concern.
"So please, be careful when that day comes. I... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you..."

"And does this shifted personality have access to your Force abilities?"

"Of course. It's not a different personality like Nox or something, but it alters how I think instead. Although, I noticed that during such periods, I tend to rely more on my physical strength to fight instead of my Force abilities."

"I see. So, what to do..."
She ponders for a moment. I can sense, once more, no blame coming from her.
"How effective would putting you to sleep be?"

I arc a brow.
"How? I mean, it's only a certain amount of time, so if I were to sleep through it, it should be fine. But... how would we go at it?"

"Well, based on what I know about you, there are only two imposed methods of knocking you out that will work properly. We can get Nox to do it, or I can do it."

"And I'm not sure about either of those."

"Nox will most likely just hold your consciousness underwater for the duration, yeah. And as for me, I don't know exactly what will work, but perhaps a lullaby would accomplish something if it's me."

"Possibly. But this shift will kick in once I awaken on a day. Thus I won't be tired. I'm not certain if a lullaby would be that effective."

"We could experiment earlier, but then there's no guarantee it will remain in place when you change over unless it's done with... the thing. In which case... regardless of what I do I don't think I have any reason to worry about that side of you. Whether I can pull that off in the next few days, however, is a bit iffy."

"Indeed."
I sigh.
"I'm sorry... that I give you yet another thing to worry about..."

"Can you create a protection over the next few days that will survive a single day of your scrutiny?"

"Hmm... Good idea, but I don't think so. I can't create anything that I can't also break."

"Mmmm... I wouldn't know about the limits of Force wardcrafting, but is there a way to make a barrier bite with your magic?"

"Bite? In case you mean what I think you mean, then yes, but the previous statement still holds true. I cannot protect you from my powers, if I ever came to wish you harm, or do something else..."

"What if they aren't your powers though?"

"Hm?"

"What if it's powered by me?"

I shake my head. This is just about the same argument Nox had with the group about the nature of our powers. The same concept applies here.
"If it's structured by me, that'd be enough. And I cannot teach you sufficient defences in this short amount of time. And you wouldn't have enough power to draw from to hold me back either, I think."

I slump my shoulders.
"But... this still has some days time, I think. We have a more urgent matter at hand."

My dearest Leanna isn't just yet giving up, however.
"I have one more idea. What about a barrier you could break, but wouldn't want to in any state of mind where you have memories."

"I wouldn't want to harm you in any state of mind I have memories in, either. But I cannot rule out the possibility of being overcome by my instincts. So I don't think that would help, either."

"As in, even trumping all instincts. There's a way I can think of to do it, too."

"Really?"

"Simply deliberately expose some of my soul's flow to the outside world, so that trying to come into contact with me while not of sound mind will require pushing through not a barrier, but a soul sensation that by nature can creep through any contact through the Force or flesh. The structure of such a defense could be protected by that energy, as well, preventing tampering."

"Hmm... I... I'm not sure how that would even work, to be honest. But... we could talk more deeply about that later?"

She nods, smiling encouragingly.
"Yes. I just wanted to make sure this wouldn't stay depressing all day."

I smile at her, even if only slightly.
"Alright. Thank you. It's appreciated. And I mean, if push comes to shove, I'll just spend that day somewhere else."

I gently brush a hand over her cheek.
"I will absolutely make sure that nothing will happen to you, Leanna. This I swear."

"Well, depending on what those urges of yours require of you, the Proxians tell of great deadly beasts in the north that have informed their warrior culture. If nothing else, they'd be easier to find than a War Wyrm, and would likely be a good match for your focus on brute strength."
She smiles.
"You'll find a way. And then you'll find a better one, when we have time."

I nod.
"We'll manage."

Then I intertwine our hands, pulling them up to give her fingers a kiss.
"Together."

She beams at me, warmth stretching through me at the sight.
"Absolutely."

I return her bright smile.
"Now then, shall we return to the others?"

"We'll arrive at the station very soon, so yes."

I nod and lift the illusion, glancing around the cabin to see what the others are up to.

Amelia is stirred by the feeling of deceleration. Kara is trying to balance coins on top of each other while this is happening.

I smile at the scene. So... peaceful.
I almost don't want to bring up what I just felt. Do I really need to worry the others? I glance at Leanna, my expression hesitating, dedication faltering.

'What is it? Something bothering you?'

'They look so peaceful. Do I really have to bother them with what I just felt?'

'Well, just because someone doesn't know about a problem, it doesn't cease to exist. Will their worrying about the problem now affect anything, though? Or are you worried about keeping secrets?'

'Both. I don't want them to worry about a situation I'll most likely be able to handle, but I also don't want to keep it from them.'
I sigh deeply.

'Well, maybe I could help a bit.'

Leanna holds up her gauntlet and performs a short scan.
'Ohhh, that's what it is.'

'Hm?'

'Maybe I should've guessed that you'd feel something when we entered a town experiencing an outbreak.'

I arc a brow.
'An outbreak? Outbreak of what?'

My eyes widen.
'Not the Rakghoul plague, is it?! No... you shouldn't have that here...'

'What's that?'

'Vile plague, turns people into mindless monsters that crave flesh, a single bite or scratch can infect a person.'
I shiver at the memories.

'Okay, nothing like that.'

I sigh with relief.
'Okay, good.'

'We got word of a Shadow Plague outbreak here a few weeks ago. It's a kind of wasting disease caused by excess Shadow magic in a region along with currently unknown biological factors. Symptoms can be treated by flushing the body of an infected individual with other elemental energies, but the only true cure is to get a person away from all sources of Shadow energy for several months. Which... isn't something a lot of people can afford to do on their own.'
I can feel her sadness as she states the last part.

I wince.
'That... almost sounds like the Rot. Or at least rather similar.'

'Normally, it's a sign that there's a shadow crystal deposit near the city now that the practice is rare, and in Stonecrest it's being exasperated by the lack of other sources of crystal energy. A string of robberies has left Shadow as the predominant element, which has only worsened the situation. The guild is looking for the deposit, but so far we've had no luck. They can be tricky.'

'Huh. That's... interesting.'
I look at her, serious and focused.
'What kind of robbery would lead to this? Crystal theft?'

'Well, crystals carry and emit energy of their element. Without many crystals of other elements around, Shadow energy easily dominates the area. As a result, the effects of the Shadow Plague are more powerful.'

'I see.'
I cup my chin and hum.
'I doubt that is a coincidence.'

'The current thought is that someone is stealing these crystals at least with the knowledge that this is what will happen, given that they have continued to do so even when the crystals aren't exactly worth much. We aren't yet sure why that is, though. It's possible someone has a cure they need to drum up the need for.'

'I... doubt that.'
I fall silent for a moment, running possible scenarios through my mind.
'...I'll investigate this.'

Then, I catch myself.
'No, wait. Would you... like to investigate this with me?'

She smiles brilliantly.
'I absolutely would. And I think that they would like to be included in that.'

'You think?'

She smiles absolutely warmly.
'Yes, I do.'

The deceleration increases, as the train begins to pull into the station. I take another breath. Just in time. I look up at the others again.
Zack seems to be fully awake now.
Kara's coin stack remains intact - for now.
Amelia's eyes blink open.
"We are there, then."

"We finally have arrived."
I smile gently at her.
"Have you slept well?"

She nods curtly.
"Well enough."

"I'm glad."
Then, my warm expression melts away as I rise from my seat.
"Then I suggest we start to leave this train. We got ourselves a situation."

Eventually, everyone gets up. Together, Leanna and I explain. Or, well, mainly Leanna.
"Okay, basically the issue is that there's a Shadow Plague outbreak in the city."

Zack nods.
"Right, I heard about that."

My expression mirrors my surprise.
"You did? Huh, news sure travel faster than I anticipated."

"It's not new news. These things tend to hang over towns for months."

"True. But Leanna told me this outbreak is only a few weeks old."

"Just keep your ears to the ground and you'll hear all sorts of things."

"I suppose that's true, but the spread of information is relative to your speed of travel. And the crystalrail isn't particularly fast. Leanna and the Guild make sense, I'm just a bit surprised you know about it."

"We use the same communications network don't we?"

I blink.
"You do?"

"Like you said, news travels along the rails and roads. Unless someone suppresses it, it can be learned at the same time as the guild."

"I see. Right, they wouldn't have secure channels. Makes sense."

"I'm sure they do - it just wasn't necessary to use them for this."

"Ah."
I look to Leanna.
"Do you?"

"The Mage Guild is mostly a public organization, and I am not aware of any such thing."

"I see."
Her statement does make sense. Yet still, I can't imagine them having some ways of being secretive if they need to be. Yet ultimately, does it matter? I shrug.
"Even if that is merely the answer you are required to give, it would be alright."

"Well, it doesn't really matter for us."

I shrug.
"Well, it really doesn't. I was just curious."

"Perhaps not for you. But fine."

The train pulls into the station, and people begin filing off.

"Poi!"
With what appears to be a parting word, Ceru sneaks out the window.

I smile at the pango and begin to walk, motioning the others to follow with a nod, still keeping my distance from other travellers. I'm not in a rush to leave.
"Alright. So, back on topic, Shadow Virus outbreak. Something feels fishy about this situation, and Leanna and I would like to investigate this matter."

Zack nods.
"You two do that. I've got business to do."

I arc a brow.
"Oh?"

"Normal stuff."
He shrugs.

Amelia nods assent.
"Indeed, I shall be investigating the city for something amusing."

"Long as I can keep an eye on you and earn my paycheque, that's fine."

I nod.
"Alright. And you, Kara? Have any contacts to go through?"

"Yeah, I'll find something to occupy my time. You two do your... Mage-Knight thing, and I'll do my best to stay away from the plague."

I nod again.
"Sounds good. Should we meet at the inn later? I'll find you, so don't worry. And if something comes up, don't hesitate to call for me, okay?"
I regard them all with a serious expression and thinly veiled concern.

Kara smiles.
"We'll be alright. You two have fun together!"

I tilt my head.
"I'm not sure if investigating a magical plague can be categorised as fun. But then again, I know several people that do enjoy such tasks."

Then I shrug.
"Eh, whatever. Thanks, and you too."

Amelia waves cleanly at us, and they break off. Leanna looks around a bit.
"Hmm... south. That's where we need to be."

I nod.
"Sounds good."

I take a breath, noticing the faint traces of decay and misery in the air, then look ahead with a determined expression.
"Now let's do this."

And we start on our way there.
"So, how do we do this? Are you just going to heal people individually, or all at once, or maybe you could create a self-replicating cure..."

"Well, first, we start investigating. I'm not sure yet how this sickness even looks like, and if I can cure it effectively. And then, we need to identify the source of it. It would not do much if I were to cure them and in a few weeks they fall sick again."

"I'm not sure what it would look like to you, but it's a magical wasting disease, acting on people like extreme overexposure to Shadow magic in general does. Magical overdose isn't something that mages need to worry about most of the time, but if a human is trapped in an area with crystal-generating amounts of magic for long enough, even if Shadow Plague doesn't appear symptoms can still develop."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Hmm. I see. Well, I'll have to see a victim myself to make a call on this."

"Typically it looks like a paling of the skin, excessive and painful wrinkling, and decreased ability to use other elements."

I arc a brow at that explanation.
"Oh? That... almost sounds familiar."

"What about it?"

"I know of a thing called Dark side corruption. It usually befalls practitioners of the Dark side, like Sith, that tap too much into it. It shares those symptoms you just mentioned... It pales the skin, sometimes also wrinkles it up, veins appear in a prominent purple... and it makes it harder to use Light sided techniques, but easier to tap further into the Dark side. As such, it is more seen as a badge of honour among Sith, if anything. I never heard about it being forced upon someone involuntarily..."

"Odd... Shadow Mages, even the most prolific ones, are rarely afflicted by plague except by contracting it, and it usually degenerates into heart failure or semipermanent coma within a few months..."

I pause in my stride.
"Wait. So this Shadow Plague is lethal?"

She nods.
"If left untreated it will kill. Almost inevitably. Surviving is based on random chance as far as we can determine. And the only treatment known is elemental immersion, which I described previously."

My pace picks back up, even more than before, and I stride forward with intent and purpose driving me.
"Then let us not dally."

My dear nods resolutely.
"Not at all."

I stare ahead, to the centre of the bad feeling I have had since earlier. Now that I am in the affected area, maybe I can get a feel for the surrounding energies? With Leanna's descriptions in mind, how does the Force feel around here?
Musty. Like an area suffused in Dark side energy, but with an added tang. The air feels sick, and it's getting sicker... there!
Floating on the breeze is a cloud of fine particulate that glows. It's alive, and kin to the natural symbiotes that channel the Force into a biological form. But though they're similar, they are not the same.
There is an energy about them, not entirely familiar even to someone who has seen the effects of the Dark side. A voracity. A desire to consume. Specifically, consume Force-Symbiotes.

I blink in surprise, slowing down a bit.
"Huh... how... peculiar..."

Leanna notices and turns to me.
"What is it?"

"That... it's... really odd. If my cursory glance just gave me some insights, it would appear that the Shadow Plague eats Force-Symbiotes - the link between the Force and living organisms which enable us to use the Force... as well as we can. So, the Plague literally eats a victim's connection to the Force, corrupting it like that."
My surprised and perplexed expression turns to a confident one.
"But the good news is, that I think I should be able to cure that rather easily. The important part will still be to destroy the source, lest they spread out anew."

I'll have to look at a victim to get a proper picture of how it acts, but I have a guess. It works by severing the ghost of a person from their body.
"But of course, to be sure, I'll need a direct look."

The contagion dusts about on the wind, unnoticed by all but me.
Leanna smiles.
"That's great!"

I shield both of us from it. And while I'm at it, I might as well shield the other three too.
I return her smile.
"I'm glad you're feeling happier already."

"This is kind of a big problem... and it never gets solved quickly enough to save the people at the bottom."
She shakes her head.
"...I know it's better now, some of the older kingdoms before the war used to just evacuate the nobility instead of spending the coin on crystals to burn it out, but still... it feels like we could be doing more."

I shrug.
"Well, if it is what it seems like it is, then your magic isn't really suited to fight this effectively. Especially since you don't even know the underlying phenomenon that causes the disease."

"We do know that the Shadow Plague can't operate without lots of ambient Shadow magic energy, so the cure is to get Shadow magic out of the area. Typically this means using a lot of crystals for spellcraft in a location to lower the Shadow energy balance."

"Yes. But it's not exactly the thing that kills the people. Also, I said that you can't fight it effectively. Not that you can't fight it at all."

"That makes enough sense. I guess what we're trying to do is just starve the disease of magic."

I nod.
"Sounds like it."

There are few people moving about in this section of the city. With infection wafting in the wind, it's not hard to see why. For the most part, the people have been left to die while guards try frantically to work out the source of the Shadow magic.

I frown slightly and lean over to Leanna.
"Should we make contact with the guards to see what they know?"

"What they're working on is... divorced from what you're trying to do. There aren't any containment efforts ongoing... which means that there aren't enough crystals to prevent it from spreading to the rest of the city. They're just looking for the crystal deposit. Or whatever is causing this surge. When they find it, the outbreak should end. After everyone that's contracted it runs their course."

"Yeah. This doesn't look like any containment procedure I'm familiar with. And I worked a lot with DORN."
I frown.
"But that means that everyone who has it dies, doesn't it?"

She sadly droops her head.
"Almost everyone, but yes."

"...That's even worse than the Rot..."
I ball my fists.
"Don't worry, I will not let that happen."

She merely nods, sending me a small but grateful smile.

Eventually, our search leads to a man laying against the wall of an alleyway. His skin is as pale and wrinkled as a Sith Master's, and his heartbeat is slow and tortured. He doesn't even have the presence of mind to look up at the people standing before him.

My frown deepens.
"I don't think he has much longer at this rate."

I analyse the man thoroughly. Were my earlier assessments correct?
I watch the infection work - seeing the microscopic flashes of energy as the un-symbiotes disassemble and devour Symbiotes, using Shadow magic to flay them into edible chunks. The Symbiotes fight back, but this is not what they evolved to do, and they barely slow the advancing infection.
As the infection progresses through tissue, little proper biological damage is done, but the Living Force dims wherever the Symbiotes do, and with that, the spiritual drivers of biological processes stop working. Biology can handle itself for a while, but slowly the processes degenerate, no longer having one of their checks to keep everything secure.
To fight the infection requires either the starving of the un-Symbiotes' power, after which the host's natural Symbiotes will be able to fight back successfully, or a unified push representing the coordinated Force energy of many Symbiotes. In other words, the care of a Force Healer.
Additionally, at this point in the infection, the symptoms are similar to the consequences of a rare Force technique - severing the Force. This man's Symbiotes will not be able to return to the presence they had before he was infected without aid, and his health and abilities will suffer for the rest of his life because of it.

Similar to what Lord Palladius did to me so many years back? ...No, only the symptoms overlap. The technique of Lord Palladius doesn't damage the Symbiotes, rather disconnecting the presence of a person from the Force proper, as if putting a thick dome around the target.
With this Shadow Plague, however, the Symbiotes are getting eradicated, weakening this man's connection to the Force, and thus his potential command over it. With the level of progression of the sickness... this man is most likely the first infected. Perhaps he knows something? Though he's not in any state to answer questions. So let's change that.
I step up to the man.
"Greetings, sir. I will cure you now, I hope that's okay for you."

He turns up his head, but does not speak. His eyes are dim.

I lean down, touching a hand to this man's damp forehead, and channel a stream of purifying, healing energy into him. Those un-symbiotes have done enough damage, it's time for that damage to be reverted.

It takes time, as I learn the rhythms of this strange contagion. Encouraging the growth of new Symbiotes, repairing biological damage, and eradicating the infection. A spark of Shadow magic zips out, sparking against my passive Static Barrier. It seems that was an attack meant to interrupt the concentration of a potential healer.
I blink at the attack, but shrug it off, continuing with my task. This man needs my aid. And so do the Force-Symbiotes.

Eventually, the light starts to come back into the man's eyes. The infection is driven out, and with my encouragement, Force-Symbiotes reenter the damaged parts of the body.

This disease would be nearly impossible for any civilization without knowledge of the Living Force to contain, but even for a normal healer from my galaxy that had access to documentation on its behaviour, it would be trivial. And upon discovery of Force users proper, the curing of a disease like this would likely be one of the first projects of a home-grown corps of monks, given how it haunts the people.

This may be why I have never seen its like. When allowed to spread it kills almost everything, and there's no reason it couldn't spread between any sapient that uses Symbiotes to help access the Living Force. If any comparable disease existed in my home galaxy, fledgling Force organizations would've eradicated it before the age of the Republic.
At least, Force organizations that had a shred of sympathy for others. The fact that I see no evidence of such a plague probably indicates that the ancient Sith species never had to deal with it.

"Wh-...wha?"
The man takes a breath.

I refocus my eyes on the man, smiling slightly as colour returns to his face.
"Careful, you may still experience some lingering effects."

The wrinkles slowly begin to smooth out. The man lifts his hand.
"What...did you do? Am I dead?"

My smile widens.
"Quite the opposite. You are healed. And, well, I healed you."

"I'm healed? That... shouldn't be possible."

"It isn't. Not for your local mages."

He went out here to die away from the sight of his children, I would assume.

And it seems he's still a bit befuddled, which is quite understandable.
"Then what...?"

I smirk confidently.
"I am not a local mage. I'm a sorcerer, and my powers... differ, let's say."

My smirk eases back into a smile.
"But I'm really grateful I came across this town and managed to find you when I did. You did not have much longer. If I may ask, is that why you came out here?"

He blinks.
"What... do you mean?"

I blink as well.
"Ah, was that too fast? My apologies, your system still needs rest to fully recover. I shouldn't talk so fast."

I shake my head.
"Well, I'm not from around here. I have a different relation to magic. That's about the important thing you need to know."

"O...kay..."
He shakes his head, then spots Leanna.
"Well, whatever. If you can cure Shadow Plague... thank you. Can you... do it for a few other people too?"

I nod.
"That was my plan. But to do this effectively, we first need to neutralise the source. Based on my estimations by the stage your sickness has progressed to in comparison to the others I've seen, I assume you were the first infected. Do you have any idea where you could have contracted it?"

I blink, then signal Leanna over.
She comes close.
"What is it?"

In response to my question, the man shakes his head.
"I don't know..."

"Can I have your pack? We should have some water and food in there."

I refocus on the man.
"It's okay, take your time. Your thoughts are still muddy, that's okay. Just try to recall your days before you fell sick."

"Of course."
Leanna gets out some rations - waybread and water. She offers them to the man, who accepts, biting into the only slightly stale food.

He racks his brain.
"I didn't do anything different... nothing really stood out... just, you know, living."

I nod along.
"I see. Were you in any unusual parts of town, or has something around you changed compared to usual?"

"Not that I know of..."

"Hmm... Alright. Unfortunate, but not too much of a setback. It's alright."

He tries to stand up. Doesn't seem like a good idea.

"Hey."
Leanna shakes her head.

I gently hold him down.
"Stay seated for a bit longer. Your body needs a bit to recover."

"Your strength will come back. Just wait a second."

He groans.
"Ahh, Terra, my bones... why do my bones feel like they're breaking apart?"

Now that his coma is falling away, the pain is returning. It will be a few weeks before this man is alright again.

"Lingering effects of the Shadow Plague. I can offer to reduce your pain."

Leanna winces.
"Yeah, Shadow Plague is apparently pretty bad Bone Hurting Juice."

"I'll take whatever you got, sorcerer. Make it-gah go away..."

I nod, lean forward again and send in another surge of healing energy. I thought my cure would remedy the after-effects as well, but supposes I didn't know about them beforehand. It is at least something to keep in mind for the other people when I'll heal them.

He sighs, and slumps.
"...think I'll be alright at this point. You can go help others now..."

"The other people in this town aren't on the brink of death, yet. We can afford to locate and deal with the source of this contamination first. Also, once we have done that, I think the best thing would be to set up a day to heal all people. I have to do this on an individual basis, and there are many infected. It will require some planning."

Leanna, most caring of angels, addresses me.
"Okay. Do you want my help?"

"It would be most beneficial. I imagine that not everyone would be immediately trusting of this stranger with odd powers that comes out of nowhere and claims to be able to heal an incurable disease."

"Perhaps not. But even if I help, it probably won't do too much..."

Oh Leanna, dearest. Still underestimating the sway and authority she holds.

The man seems to agree with my unspoken statement.
"Her word is worth a lot, though."

I turn to glance at Leanna, smiling dreamily.
"That it is."

I then blink.
"Oh! You mean as a Mage-Knight. Right, of course. Ahem."

Leanna sighs, but her hand is covering a smile.

He blinks.
"What?"

I clear my throat.
"Anyway. If you, I don't know, could spread the word around town? The rumour should spread rather fast, given how urgent it is. We should deal with this situation rather sooner than later, but also need time to deal with the source..."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Maybe tomorrow afternoon?"

I stare off to the side for a moment, running some numbers.
"No... could be too late already. Tomorrow morning. As long as I'm here, the plague shouldn't be able to break out again, even if the source isn't eliminated by the time I cure the people."

He nods slowly.
"Okay. I think I can do that."

"And perhaps if you know of a place where we can set up? I will need to be stationary for quite some time, so that the people can come to me. That place would also need to be able to accommodate a lot of pedestrian traffic."

He answers almost immediately, his mind no longer slowed by wasting disease and numbing pain.
"The square would be a good place. There's a market corner shut down in this part of the town."

I nod.
"Sounds perfect. Then, if you give me your address, I can come by tomorrow morning."

He does so. It's a small house nearby.

Leanna asks him with her typical warmth.
"Do you think you'll be alright now?"

He nods slowly, as if still in disbelief.
"...yeah, surprisingly."

"By tomorrow at the latest, you should not feel any effects of the plague anymore. I'll place a ward on you as well, so you won't get infected again."

"What's that?"

"Just some lingering energy, don't worry."

"Alright."

Even if he doesn't understand what I'm saying, I'd rather not do anything without the people's permission. I saw with Nox how well that went last time.
I close my eyes to do so, warding the man as I did to myself and the others.
"The virus is airborne, and the contagion thus hangs in the air everywhere around here. It would be of no use to have cured you only for you to get infected again."

I open my eyes again.

The man seems confused.
"So... I'm not sure what that's like... okay."

"Ah. Sorry. Well, the plague is spread through the air, so the things making people sick still lingers around here. And if I wouldn't protect you, you'd get sick again, which would be counter-productive."

"You said that, yeah."

I blink.
"Okay. Good. It appeared to me as if you were confused by my wording, so I re-iterated."

I shake my head.
"Sorry, the air here is making me a bit dizzy."

He takes a breath, and tries to get up again. This time, it works.
"I'm going home... I can't wait to see the looks on their faces."

He turns back to us.
"Thank you... so much."

I smile softly.
"It was nothing. I'm glad I could help. I won't let another family miss their father, if I can help it."

"Have a good day. I'll be there tomorrow!"
He walks away, stumbling slightly but obviously excited.

Leanna grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"And you think you're a monster."

I return the squeeze and smile at her.
"Well, I have a great reason to change right in front of me."

She smiles brightly, warmth casting aside the gloom of the town.

My smile droops a bit.
"And, well... I am responsible for ripping so many people out of their families... If I can save some instead for a change, that'd be nice."

"Shh..."
She looks around nervously, then cups my cheek.

My smile picks up as I lean into her a bit.
"Thank you. The oppressive feeling of despair and decay is getting into my head. Your warmth and that man's hope cast it aside for me."

I bathe in the gentle glow of her light, letting it flow over and through me. My body and mind just... unwind when she's like this. There's nothing else I could want.
I drape us into an illusion and lean in closer to her, tilting my head to kiss the hand cupping my cheek.
"I love you, Leanna. You even manage to make this budding headache subside. You're so soothing..."

I wrap my arms around her, coming to rest on the small of her back, the place that feels like it was made for my hands.

She shines at me, eyes glittering with affection. Her skin feels like... what is it like? I'd need a dozen metaphors to approach how it feels and tastes.
"How are you feeling now, then?"

"Hmm..."
I need a moment to remember how to think.
"Well, I kind of want to get out of this gloomy atmosphere, but being with you like this makes it bearable. Enjoyable, even. And I'm feeling like I want to kiss you."

She half smirks half smiles.
"Oh, you'd like that would you?"

I lean in closer still, my eyes and expression mirroring the boundless love I feel for my goddess.
"Yes, I would like that very much, dear."

She seals the distance, and the world shrinks to the size of Leanna. That world... is blindingly bright, but the light will never leave me. It is warm enough to burn, but the only flames are of passion. It is cold enough to freeze, but the only shivers are of anticipation. There is the feeling of her everywhere, and every part of it is glorious.

I sigh into her. So good. But I can't be outdone, I have to make sure Leanna feels great, too! And so, I focus some of my powers to share my emotions with her again, letting her bathe in uncompromising love.

The stroke of her hands, the caress of her love, that look in her eyes... it's hypnotizing. All my worries, the clamour of pain, slowly calms.
She couldn't do it in an instant this time, but doing it at all is impressive... and incredibly precious. In this moment, I feel the weight of none of my regrets. I just want love. And she has plenty to give.
Her mind spins at orbital speeds, but her thoughts are no cacophony. They are a choir, angels singing to me. Even the shapes of her thoughts are beautiful when she's like this...

Oh, how can she be so perfect? Am I sure this is real and not some dream? But when she's like this, she erodes my focus, and the powers I wanted to use to share my emotions with her ebb away as I get enraptured by her, my thoughts only able to circle around Leanna. I'd stare at her as well, if my eyes weren't closed in bliss during our kiss.

She leans in closer, squeezing tight into me.

I wrap around her tighter as well, keeping her nice and close as my hands begin to roam her back affectionately.

From the snap a lovely thread of light emerges, brushing against my hands.

I blink at it, somewhat surprised, my breath hitching.

It can't travel far, but it feels like heaven. The outermost layer of the stuff of a goddess.
Bearable, but utterly intoxicating.

More potent than even the Spice I took all those years ago. I idly wonder if that may be a bad thing, but then decide that I don't care and lean into the kiss again. She just stole my breath, like she did at our first meeting. I intend to return the favour.

"Hmmm..."

The thrum of her voice passes through me, echoing about and building on itself. I feel like I'm on fire - but not in the same way as when my bestial urges overtake me.
Then... what does make it different? It is a positive feeling, for sure... but... oh well, can I really bring myself to care right now? There's Leanna, right in my arms, and she feels so good, she tastes perfectly delicious...

I'm sweating. Why am I sweating? I've been in a volcano without sweating... yet I feel hotter in her arms than the day I fell into that cursed place. It's... beautiful, this warmth.
My skin feels a bit sticky, but Leanna either doesn't notice or doesn't care, continuing to kiss me all the same.
I feel so loved... so warm... like I'm melting and it's okay because it isn't my body that's melting. It's... something else.

Oh, wait. I'm sweating. Isn't it acidic? Could it not hurt her? I wasn't sweating in years, so I didn't bother to change it...
A quick check reveals that it's not damaging her.
Oh, okay, that's good. I suppose that she is encased in plenty of armour, after all. But still, prolonged exposure still might not be a good thing. Though on the other hand... kiss. So good. More.
As my heart melts from her radiant warmth, I continue to kiss her lovingly.

I don't want to - I can't go back to the way things were. This is so much better than anything I could've dreamed of. It is a dream, Leanna is made of dreams, and she has me. I just... want her to be happy! So, so badly, my heart aches when I can't be there for her. If I was in love before, then what is this?
Is it... obsession, perhaps? Madness? Has insanity finally caught up with me? ...No, this is still different from when my thoughts derail.
My mind is turning up blank. I can't identify this feeling. It's so much more than I normally am, it's like love turned up to eleven... and when Leanna draws her hand over my back, not only does it trail lightning over me like usual, but this feeling is satisfied, and the mere touch of her hand becomes so much better.
No. More than satisfied, it is elated. I feel my heart explode with every moment she is there, every time I catch the smell of her breath, every time I see the glow in her eyes.
Is this what true happiness feels like?
...maybe it is.
Huh. How odd. It feels... weird. Am I really... able to feel something like that?
It brings me to pause the kiss, leaning back just a bit, as I appear confused.

Leanna opens her eyes somewhat and looks at me through half-lidded eyes, still slightly out of breath.
"...What is it?"

That look in her eyes is so warm and concerned. I want to assuage those concerns more than I could want anything else in this moment, but at the same time I experience a flood of joy, that such concern could be directed at me.
But... why is she looking so blurry?
Wait. Is my cheek getting wet?

Her eyes soften at something she's seeing in me.
"Oh. Come here."
She pulls me into a gentle, warm hug.

I reach a hand up to my face, dumbstruck. It really is wet.
"Huh?"

Am I... crying? But why?
As that question wanders in my mind, I get wrapped in by her loving embrace.

I have never felt more at home in my life. Not even when my life was okay.
I lean into her, wrapping my arms around her again, resting my head on her shoulder as more tears flow out of my eyes.
"I think... I'm happy, Leanna. I'm finally... I finally found my home. I love you."

I can feel the radiance of her smile against my neck, and her heart glows.
"I'm... so glad."

A gentle kiss is placed on my cheek.
"You deserve it. To feel at home. To feel loved."

I gaze at her with blurry vision, but wearing a bright and joyful smile unlike any I ever had in my life.
"I'm inclined to believe that, right now. But also, so do you. I want to make you happy, and make you feel loved and secure and at home, for the rest of my life. That is my goal now. My highest priority."

She simply closes her eyes, and rests her head on my shoulder.

I place a soft kiss on her head.
"So do not forget that. One day, I would be thrilled to call you my wife."

Her cheeks redden, warming me further.

"But for now..."
I close my eyes and snuggle into her.
"I'm very happy with you as is. With us. I love you, Leanna. More than anything."

And as she rests there, arms around me, the warmth that has grown within me pulses, content.
As we stand there, locked in a loving embrace, I softly trail my hands over her back, placing soft kisses in her hair every once in a while.

"...so, for tonight, if you want, we don't have to stop at sharing a room. I could get a single bed, and that would be cheaper..."

"Wouldn't you want to room with Amelia and Kara, though?"
I blink.
"Wait. Single bed? Wouldn't that be a bit... small for both of us? A bit tight?"

She looks at me, face red as a tomato.
"Yes... it would force us to be quite close together..."

I flush as well.
"I... I... I see... But... are you... not worried?"

She cutely angles her head just slightly.
"About what?"

"About me... doing something to you... being so close... I might lose control... I told you that I think my colicoid side will awaken soon, didn't I? Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Her words ring true, without any hint of deceit.
"I trust you."

I am red, but worried. For her.
"Well, I don't..."

"If you're not comfortable, we don't have to. But I trust you still. Okay?"

I take a deep breath. A breath full of her scent...
"Okay. And... now that I think about it... that you would even suggest that..."
My voice trails off as I gaze at her meekly.

"...we've done it before, haven't we? Been close like that..."

"Well, kind of. We did snuggle by that lake in Embermyst, but... we both still wore our armour then... And now you're ready to... sleep in the same bed with me... when we're d-dating... and are willing to literally cast aside your armour...?"

No hesitation.
"Yes."

"Is that... really okay?"

"What about it wouldn't be?"

"Am I really... allowed to receive such bliss? And is it... appropriate for us to do so?"

"Xerath..."
She softly places a hand on my cheek.
"I don't care what is and isn't appropriate, except when it draws the gaze of others. And your gaze is something I'm... okay with drawing... And of course you're allowed. If I say so, then you're allowed."

"W-well... that's reassuring... because you draw my gaze and attention as easily as you breathe. And, well... alright. But I still want to be respectful towards you. You deserve nothing but the best manners."

"Manners are worth less than happiness. If you're comfortable with it, then this would make me happy a lot more effectively than being polite."

"Well... generally, I would be thrilled by your offer, but right now, I can't help but be worried... I... if I shift, I would be unpredictable. What if I hurt you?"

"You won't."

"But how can you be so sure about that?"

"Because I know you won't."
She strokes my cheek.
"Xerath, I want to prove that you don't have to fear yourself around me."

My expression turns strained, pained.
"But... how can you be so sure? How can you be sure when I..."

I abruptly cut myself off and tear my gaze away. I fall silent after that, weakly dropping my arms.

She merely rubs my back soothingly.
"Shhh... Xerath, I believe in you. I believe that you won't have to fear what you can do soon."

I tear up again, yet not from happiness. Not entirely.
"But... how?"

I take a deep breath in a vain effort to calm myself.
"When... when I first told you about my mutations, I... I didn't tell you everything."

"If you're talking about your occasional and somewhat unpredictable mood shift across several days, you told me that."

"That... is the most recent form, since my genome got stabilised after my rebirth. But... there was a time when it was unstable... I... Whenever this time came... I..."

I take another breath.
"I turned into a Colicoid. A feral one, too, I think."

"Well, are you afraid of that happening?"

"No, not really. As I said, my genes are stable enough for that not to happen anymore. But... Oh, how do I put this...?"
I trail off for a moment, trying to order my rampant thoughts. Eventually, I take a shaky breath.
"I... I ate people, Leanna. And now, with my emotions being unpredictable as is, my hormones going haywire, and my attraction to you reaching unknown heights every day anew... I am terrified of what I might do to you. Now, when my colicoid side comes out, it twists my thoughts. In hindsight, I'm always left with a bad feeling... but I usually never did anything I didn't have to do anyway, or that didn't have some benefit down the line... like slaughtering a pirate hideout or wrestling with Rancors, or... something..."

"...you think you're a danger, then?"

I nod.
"Yes. I... I'm scared of the monster inside me."

She has a somewhat sad expression on her marvellous face.
"Perhaps you should be. As I said, if you're not comfortable, we don't have to."

I hang my head.
"...I don't know... I do want nothing more than to make you happy and to be close to you. But what if that very thing would lead to me hurting you? I-I couldn't live with myself if that were the case."

Another caress of my cheek.
"Hey. It'll be alright. We'll get to the point where you don't need to worry one day. Until then, I'll still be here."

I lift my head, gazing at her again.
"Really? You won't leave me? Are you... really willing to stay by my side?"

She smiles slightly.
"Should I not be?"

"I..."
I avert my eyes again.
"I just told you that I ate people in the past... I revealed one of the dark secrets I am so scared to show you..."

Her compassionate and patient smile doesn't waver.
"And it sputtered just like all the others?"

"Well... I... I suppose so..."

"When will you learn, Xerath?"

I sigh.
"Perhaps when you tell me that you love me? Perhaps the day when you accept my proposal? Maybe by then my doubts and fears will not be as strong as they are now."

She reddens, but carries on.
"Perhaps. I...I'm sure we'll get there. Somehow."

"But... what if... the weight of my burdens breaks you, just as it broke me? You... you're the one good thing in my life... I don't want to tarnish you and your purity..."

"I will not break. We'll face your demons together, Xerath, and both come out the other side intact."

I sigh again, smiling shakily.
"I love your blinding optimism. It's quite alluring, Leanna dear."

She laughs, the sound more musical than the finest bells.
"I'm glad you think so."

My smile grows steadily, my posture relaxing as her melodic laugh fills my sensitive ears.
"And your laugh is enchanting, too."

I give her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I love you, dearest. Thank you. You truly are the light in my life."

She smiles.
"Are you coming to understand why I might want to give you a chance?"

"I..."
I hesitate.
"I'm not sure. I don't think I do anything special..."

She takes one of my hands, twining her fingers between my own.

I lift that hand up to my mouth, placing a gentle kiss on it.

Her hand is warm, utterly burning with life, an inferno encased within silken skin.
"Xerath, for everything you've done, you are a person. You wear no masks before me, and what I see underneath the masks is beautiful."

I glance at her with disbelief, my eyes glimmer with fickle hope.
"...Really?"

Her eyes flicker with light, so captivatingly bright. For a good eternity of a moment, she says nothing, and I can do nothing but stare.
"Are you watching closely, Xerath?"

She taps her other hand down my spine.

I shiver pleasantly in response.
"...how could I possibly not?"

"You've spent your life in such pain. Just relax, and let me do something for you for a minute."
The gentle air tousles her hair, moving it in waving patterns.
"Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone."
I would usually close my eyes to enjoy the breeze on my skin, but I can't look away from Leanna. Neither do I want to.

"Okay. Then relax, please, and listen to me."
Her eyes become aglow with their enchanting light, her light moves gently beneath the barrier, rubbing against me fondly.

I take a calming breath, enjoying her scent, allowing it as well as her light to soothe me.

"Are you relaxed?"

"I... guess?"

The winds blow, and I feel my heart slow down. Eventually, even the shuddering at her touch stops.
I sway slightly, but she's there, and her gentle taps ensure I remain upright.
My breathing becomes slow and methodical as well as I stare into her glorious sapphire eyes. My whole world fills with Leanna.
She blinks, and the fluttering motion is hypnotic.
"Xerath, do you feel relaxed?"

It takes a moment until I register the question. When I do, I blink.
"Uhm, yes, I think so. I feel quite calm."

"That's good. Because the next bit is something you need to hear, on a terribly deep level. Is all of you listening? Don't marshal them together, just be calm, and tell me when all of your attention is on me."

I blink again, and my eyes focus on her, breaking through the hypnosis her eyes have put me under.
"You are my world, and my world is filled with you. You have my undivided attention, my love."

"Shh..."
A hand brushes through my hair.
"Not like that. You're forcing yourself to pay attention. Just relax, and let it come together."

I close my eyes and lean into her touch.
"Okay."

"We have time. Be patient."

"You know I'm not terribly good at that."
I smile slightly.

"That's why we're doing this. Rewarding patience."

"Alright."
I open my eyes again, returning to gaze at her with unbridled love, admiration and affection.

"Now, just feel the world around you, let your thoughts flow, and when all your attention is on me, tell me."
Her tone, her love, her feeling... it's calming, beautiful. The eyes begin to work their magic again, singing soft visual lullabies.

I follow the lead of her enchanting voice, even with some hesitation at first, and let my thoughts run freely. A part of me is afraid of where they may lead, but that fear quickly turns out to be unfounded, as everything circles around Leanna. Her captivatingly sparkling eyes, her melodic voice, her soft breathing, her unique scent, her radiant presence... There is just Leanna. My eyes glaze over in singular focus - utter devotion.
"I am rather certain you have my full attention. Every thought of me circles around you, every sense is trained on you."

She smiles at me, the expression drawing me ever deeper.
"Good. Okay, are you ready for me to sing then?"

"Your voice is already music to my ears."
I notice idly how her face gets closer to me.

She smiles, and nods, taking in a breath.
"When the light is running low,
And the shadows start to grow,
And the places that you know,
Seem like fantasy,
There's a light inside your soul,
That's still shining in the cold,
With the truth,
The promise in our hearts,
Don't forget,
I'm with you in the dark..."

Her voice trails off, but the notes seem to hang in the air.

I have to blink several times as my eyes sting with tears. For a moment, I just stand there, my mouth slightly agape in awe as I absorb her heavenly voice, as well as the meaning of the song.
But eventually, my blinking is not sufficient anymore to keep the tears at bay, and they trickle down my cheeks.
"That... that was absolutely wonderful, Leanna..."

I sniff.
"Your voice truly is divine..."

She beams at me.
"You can wake up now, Xerath. This exercise is done for now."

I blink again.
"I am awake, aren't I? Or is all of this a dream? Well, that would certainly explain why I feel so good."

"You weren't dreaming, Xerath, but you weren't quite awake then. That was the idea."

"Huh."
I wipe my eyes and sniff again.

"You spend so much time thinking, and I wondered if it would help you to just... slow down a bit."
She beams.
"It seems to have worked."

She pulls me into a hug.

I gladly return it, snaking my arms around her.
"It would appear so. When all I can think of is you, my thoughts are bound to be pleasant."

"I'm glad it worked... these are one of my more... strange talents."

I tilt my head.
"Singing? Or enchanting me?"

"Well, singing is something I don't do often, but that's not what I was talking about."
She shifts her weight in our hug.
"See... joining the Academy wasn't the only way I thought of to escape my family's choices."

"Was the other one becoming a travelling musician? Because honestly, your singing is truly divine. You have a talent to touch hearts with it."
I shrug.
"Or maybe that's just me."

She warms a bit at the praise, her face filling with delicious colour.
"Well uhh... thank you, Xerath, but singing wasn't what I was talking about. Even though I considered that path. It probably would've had merit - if it was discovered I was a bard, my virginity would be in question, and I would be very devalued to any nobleman."

I blink and tilt my head.
"Huh, what? How does that follow?"

"Musicians tend to... get around, shall we say."

"Well, yes, they have to travel a lot. But what does that have to do with..."
My cheeks tinge a bit.
"...with your purity?"

"No, they get around, but also get around."

I blink. Then, I blink again.
"Ohh. I think I get it."

I clear my throat.
"Anyway, even if that would be in question, you would still be the most valuable woman on this entire planet."

"Regardless, it would work in theory. But that's not the route we're talking about."

"Right. Then what are we talking about?"

"Once I was looking around in the family library and my grandmother gave me a strange book. 'Evoking the Inner Self'. Had a kind of occult-ish vibe throughout, not something you'd normally see someone reading. What it was about was the art and science of hypnosis."

I arc a brow in interest.
"Oh?"

"It became the backup plan to my backup plan, in effect. I didn't get many chances to practice it, but hypnosis gave me two things: it gave me a weird and surprisingly helpful tool for helping people relax and such, and it also gave me a very strange weapon in the games of nobility, one that could theoretically be put to very effective use on a partner in an arranged marriage. It has limitations you have to dance around, but if I played my cards right even agreeing to a marriage wouldn't be the end. That half of my training has never been put into practice. What I did here is a bit different - something I'm tentatively calling hypnotherapy."

"Interesting. Though I would have to see you perform this on someone else to be convinced of its viability."
I hug her a bit tighter.
"And I really don't want to."

"Using the altered state of consciousness offered by this to help someone accomplish something."
She smiles.
"It's alright. It's something I've only really done for people that are having a lot of trouble relaxing or getting something done. Did you... like it?"

"Well, it is rather similar to the effect you usually have on me. On one hand, it restricts my ability to think about and calculate everything, but on the other hand, I think about you. So, I think I can say that it was quite pleasant."
I smile charmingly at her.

She breathes a sigh of relief.
"I was a bit worried you wouldn't want it... I've spent a long time working on these things, and want to show them off to someone."

I place a loving kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, Leanna. And from all my mind-altering experiences, you are by far my most favourite. I almost don't mind if I become addicted."

Her eyes glitter as she peers at me.
"...almost?"

"Well, I still am rather wary of such things, after all my experiences with it. I've come to prefer a clear state of mind."

She nods.
"I understand. So, like everything else I've shown you, it's available. I learned this because I wanted to help, and so I shall."

"Well, my clear state of mind is also the one collapsing, soo..."
I shrug my shoulders.
"I will keep it in mind, at the very least."

I lean into her, touching our noses together.
"Thank you, my love."

I smile at her warmly.
"Just when I think you're already perfect, you just continue to impress me even more."

"Trying to escape nobility... is a great ordeal, and I need everything to come together perfectly."
She smirks.
"If you ask really nicely, I might show you what I had planned for someone I would be married off to. You can't do anything with hypnosis that the person doesn't already want, so I had a pretty special idea prepared."

I blush a bit.
"I always want to know more about you and what you want to do. But also, I am rather confident in your ability to charm just about everyone, whether you intent to or not."

I then blink as I realise something, and cast my gaze down.
"But... that you put so much effort into escaping nobility..."

I hesitate a bit.
"Is it then really okay for you to be together with me?"

Her hands run gently over my back.
"Xerath, what makes you think it's not?"

"That you tried so long, so hard to escape nobility... only to then end up together with an emperor. If you want to get away from court intrigue and politics, I'm the wrong direction..."

"Why do you think I tried to leave?"

"Because you didn't want others to decide the path of your life?"

"I left the game for a number of reasons. I left because I wanted to set sail in my own direction, and let the winds send me onwards. I left because I could never be more than a pawn in the game unless I found a man I could puppet from the shadows, and I didn't really want to have to puppet anyone. I left because the game was hostile to all players, and I'd prefer that it collapsed under its own, rotting weight. If I choose you, I'll spend a lot of time doing things outside the affairs of court. But I won't mind playing the game every now and then, as long as I'm actually a player, and can actually make change."

I smile slightly.
"...Alright. As my Empress, you would be more than just a player."

With my hand, I run soothing circles over her back.
"But just so you know, your wish is my command. So, whatever you want to happen, I will do my best to make it come true. And if you wish for the nobility to collapse, I would do so."

"...not yet. We need something to replace it. Something of Terra."

"Alright."
I kiss her forehead.
"Whatever you wish."

She smiles at me.
"...how do you feel now?"

I smile at her lovingly, my eyes drooping in the direction of her lips.
"Like I want to kiss you."

She leans in, and grants my wish with all the grace I've come to expect.

And once again warmth spreads through me from the contact of our lips. The feeling, her taste, everything is perfect, and more addicting than the Spice I used for a while.
My hands roam across her back, caressing her, my powers draping around her like a blanket of love.

As my hand moves to the small of her back, almost clicking into place, her hand remains interlaced with my other. And we begin to sway, dancing like we did at the Festival of the Spring Equinox in Illumia.
Except with our lips pressed together, drinking calmly from each other.

I sigh softly into our kiss.

The way Leanna moves is just... enrapturing. Seeing it is captivating enough, but the way she rubs up against any restraints and wraps them around her with a simple brush is... ohhhh...
How can she be so good, and how can I be so lucky to have her?
But as it is, I cannot do anything else but getting lost in her presence, feeling at peace in our little secret dance. Leanna is my life, her arms my home. And I do my best to make her as happy as is somehow possible.

I take a breath, filling my lungs with her luminous sensation. Trillions of twinkling molecules marked by their proximity to her, in a way no normal Force user would be able to identify.
To anyone else, it is just air. To me, it is as if an angel were resting each of the individual molecules that make up my lungs on its lap.
How can she be so perfect? But oh well, thinking about an answer to that question is rather hard when all my thoughts are swirling around her.
And so, I can only do my best to return the favour. To pour all my love into the kiss, let my powers wash over her in gentle and loving waves that wrap around her like warm blankets.

'You're doing great, Xerath.'

'I'm glad you're enjoying this. I can't be outdone by you, my goddess. You deserve nothing less than the best, after all. My best.'

'It's alright to be worse than someone at something, but I can't say I want less of this.'
She presses into me, and I'm once again struck dumb by the sheer amount of sensation she can evoke through touch alone.

I idly wonder for a moment what would happen when we take the next step, but then any thoughts dissolve to how good she feels.
'So you want more of it?'

I can feel her lips twitch upward and hear the amused smirk in her thoughts.
'That's a pretty broad question to ask someone, isn't it Xerath? What kind of 'more' do you mean?'

'More of me, more of our kisses, more of my love...'

She smiles into our continued kiss.
'Okay, yes.'

I smile as well.
'Then I'll be happy to oblige.'

I lean into our kiss, holding her a bit tighter, applying a bit more force.
'I'm so happy to have you, Leanna. I love you. I love you more than anything.'

And like it did before, all that force comes back around, bent double by Leanna's careful touch. And I love it. This is heavenly...
"Mmhh..."
'You are my life, Leanna...'

I can feel her smile through the kiss.

And so, all I can do is to be enthralled by my glorious, golden goddess while we sway in dance, locked in a kiss, hidden by an illusion.

Soon enough, Leanna lets go, gulping in air. Breathing through the nose can only get one so far, it seems.
But the dance continues, as Leanna's eyes shine into mine.

"Are you alright, my love? Your breath is somewhat ragged."

"I'm alright... I just put a lot into that..."

"Yes. I felt it. How about we take a break, then?"

"How should we do that..."
Her eyes light up.
"We could check out the square! There's something here I'd like to see."

"Sounds good. As grand as your presence is, our surroundings are still nagging me at the back of my mind."
As we stop our dance, I take my hand from her back to softly brush her cheek.
"But you are absolutely, positively wonderful, Leanna."

I take her still intertwined hand and raise it to my face, kissing it softly.
"No language I know has a word that encompasses just how perfect you are to my eyes."

"..."
She blushes deeply.

I take that as my cue to fall silent, but continue to gaze at her with unprecedented warmth, love, adoration and devotion. She is the only one for me, and my expression mirrors my words, eroding any lingering doubts she still might have.

"We can try something like this another time. If you're comfortable, of course, with me moving beyond basic calming techniques."

"Possibly. But I do wonder... given Terra's utter disdain for mental manipulation... I did not think you would have knowledge about hypnosis."

She shifts her weight again, a bit uneasy.
"It's... a strange topic, I'll agree... Most people don't know it's a thing."

"I see. I suppose that makes sense. But also, given your personal disdain of the same things, I did not think that you would have knowledge about this, either."

"I've... divided my knowledge of the subject into two groups. Do you remember how I discussed the positive effects of Shadow magic?"

I nod.
"Of course I do. You said how they can be achieved, but learning them takes sacrifices."

"Unlike Shadow magic, which is dangerous and invasive, hypnosis is... different. Unlike Shadow magic, there's a method that can be taught without sacrifice, and where Shadow magic pushes on the mind where it is weak, hypnosis pushes on the mind where it is strong. No matter how inexperienced a hypnotist is, they cannot kill you with the practice, whereas an inexperienced Shadow mage will find it almost impossible not to kill you."

I nod slowly.
"I see. That does make sense."

"And even on the level of alterations to a person's psyche, there are big differences. Under most conditions, the things you can do with hypnosis are temporary and have limits."

"So are the effects of mental Force powers. But I suppose that is another difference to Shadow magic, where a single misstep can have catastrophic consequences."

"And importantly, if you want to permanently alter someone, you have to commit. Even small changes take time, on the order of days if the person doesn't actively want certain things to happen. Which... makes it much easier for me to put those ones in a box and save them for when I have no other choice."

I softly rub her arm.
"Does this topic make you uncomfortable? Or are you still flustered?"

She nods.
"Talking about the way I planned to worm my way to freedom after a betrothal went through is... uncomfortable, yes..."

I draw her into my arms again, holding her closely.
"Shh... you don't have to worry about that anymore. As long as I live, nobody will take away your freedom."

"I'd consoled myself with the knowledge that whoever I was doing this to would really be better off. They'd been a horrible person before, and this would make them more accepting..."
She closes her eyes and sighs.
"...it still didn't feel right... ...but what else can I do?"

I place a soft kiss on her hair, combing a hand through it.
"I would hope that your parents had the presence of mind to choose you an at least respectable partner for marriage, but given they plan to do this in the first place, I couldn't trust it. Nobility and court intrigue births special kinds of people, and not many of those are pleasant to be around."

I then look back into her eyes, my very presence working to soothe her.
"But I do know that you are the most wonderful person on this entire planet. You charm people left and right without even noticing it. So, if anyone could have managed to live a happy life in spite of an arranged marriage, it would be you. Even if it would have started for political reasons, I'm certain that this hypothetical spouse would fall in love with you sooner or later."

I smile softly and lovingly.
"But as I said, none of that matters anymore, you don't have to worry about it anymore. You have me now, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. Whether that is a month or a millennia remains to be seen, but... if I have any say in the matter, the only man you'll be marrying is me. And I will do my damnest to make sure you are as happy as is somehow possible."

"Well... I appreciate the choice, and the devotion here..."
She blushes.

I place another kiss on top of her head.
"I love you, Leanna. It is no exaggeration when I say that you are my life."

"Your life? Did I hear that right?"

"Yes. I did say so several times by now."
I gaze at her with devotion.
"You are the reason for me to continue onward, to do my best, to try to see the positive things in life. You make me want to be alive, you make me glad to be alive, you make me happy."

Then I lean forward, resting my forehead against hers and close my eyes.
"You are my life, Leanna. You mean everything to me."

I feel the rush of warmth through her when I say that.

I open my eyes again to shimmer at her, tilting my head slightly so that our noses touch, now able to see the vibrant colour on her face. It's ticklish, and alluring, gloriously soft skin brushing against me.
She truly is my world. And right now, all I see is her.
"I love you, Leanna."

And we stay like this for a little while longer.

All the while, I caress her gently, holding her softly.
She assures me in my being, and I want to do the same for her. I want to soothe her worries and extinguish her fears. And so, I project an aura of an indomitable spirit around her. For as long as I exist, nothing will harm her anymore, that is my vow, and her slowly awakening powers should allow her to receive the message.

Eventually, I draw back a bit, smiling softly at her.
"Do you feel better?"

She smiles warmly, yet still a bit flustered.
"...yes. I do feel better. Thank you."

I sigh in relief.
"I'm glad... And you're very welcome. You do so much for me, I'm glad when I can return the favour."

I regard her with a serious expression.
"Do you trust me?"

"Yes... I think so."
Unlike before, there is a bit of hesitation. She must still be a bit churned from the earlier topic.
"What do you need?"

"So, whenever something bothers you, please share it with me. I would love nothing more than to help you, in whatever way I can."
I brush a hand over her cheek, smiling lovingly.
"I dislike seeing you troubled, hate to see you sad. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy."

She beams my way, setting me soaring on a current of light.

I smile brightly back.
"There, that's much better."

I nuzzle her.
"You are so radiant, my dear. I love you."

Now the question becomes: do I want to leave, and do something else, or linger in this a little while longer...

Well, as great as she is, the atmosphere of decay around us does bear down on my mood.
"So... what do you want to do now? You said you wanted to see something, right?"

She nods.
"I did. Do you want to come with me?"

I tilt my head. What a question.
"Of course I do. I would want to spend as much time with you as I could."

"A-alright. Let's go, then."
She lets go of me, for the sake of public appearances, and prepares to leave our little bubble of unreality for the world people can see. Even though she is no longer touching me, the memory of her warmth lingers everywhere on me, more powerfully than any scar.

I nod, already missing her touch, but the lingering warmth makes it bearable.
"Sounds good."

I stop the illusion, letting us rejoin the world around us once more.
"But, say, I was thinking about something..."

She looks towards me, beckoning me onwards.

I fall in step with her, not letting my eyes leave her, yet my steps are always sure as I stride onward.
"With all that talk about nobles and marriage, I remembered your friend you told me about. Katarina, was it? Isn't she supposed to live here in Stonecrest?"

"Yes, she is. I do want to see her today."

"Ah, okay. Would you... like me... to accompany you...?"
I glance at her shyly.

"I'm... not sure, actually. She's already not expecting me, and with you around it might dampen the reunion I'm looking for..."

I look down.
"Oh... I see..."

"Be kind of awkward if I just dropped in on an old friend with my new... uhhh... And then of course there's the problem of exposing that we're close directly to the nobility."

"Didn't you say that she wasn't really like the other nobles? I mean, from what you told me, she doesn't seem like someone who would tell that around..."

"She's not the only noble there, though, is she? Her husband is probably around."

"True. But I could just... well... encourage him to keep quiet."
My eyes glint.
Then, I look away again.
"But... of course... if you'd rather visit her on your own... I... I'll respect that..."

"Xerath, you'll be okay."
She smiles at me.
"I will need space to talk to her, but there's other space in my day for you."

"...Alright. I understand. But I will miss you..."

A hand touches my back, trailing fire along a rib.
"Seems like it. You... really do just want every moment, don't you?"

I nod timidly.
"I... I'm sorry..."

"Hey."

I glance back at her.

"You're seeking something you need, to use your words. How does that feel?"

"...like I'm being too clingy to you? Like I'm smothering you? Something like that..."

"That's what you're worrying about, yes, but how does it make you feel? Would you do something if it only made you feel worse, and then have no justification for it?"

"I... I'm not sure. I'm not used to feeling better, after all. But... I just... I just want to be around you. You make me happy. You show me light in even my darkest moments, and make me feel warm and fuzzy and comfortable. You've become my home. So... I want to stay there... By your side..."

She ponders for a moment.
"Well, what can we do about this, then?"

I shrug.
"I'll just have to bear with it, I guess. I can't possibly demand of you to spend every moment with me. If you want to have some time alone, I'll have to accept it, and will respect it."

"I've shown you that there's warmth to be found within you as well, but... hmmm..."

I gaze at her.
"After all, even more important to me than that, is that you are happy. And the last thing I want is to cut into your hard-earned freedoms."

She puts a delicate finger to her smooth chin.

I breathe out.
"...adorable..."

"I thank you for that... but I also want a better solution to this than 'just deal with it'."

I shrug again.
"Don't worry too much. I... I would also like to see if the others may have some time for me. Or maybe I could investigate the shadow magic further. It's not like I have nothing else to do."

"So, I guess it's best to ask the question: what do you need to be close to me for? And what can we do to get you access to that when I'm not present? Or rather, what parts of that can you acquire when I'm not physically present."

I blink.
"Ah. Sorry. I did not mean to speak over you."

She smiles.
"It's no big issue, but thank you."

I smile slightly as well.
"Well... as for your question... I am close to you for you. There are so many parts to what I love about you, what you do for me without even fully realising it, I'm not sure I know the words necessary to describe them in any language I know."

"Alright... so how can you be close to me without being physically close?"

"So, since you are irreplaceable, I don't know if any of that could be gained without proximity to you."
I cup my chin.
"I could probably take some Spice again... but it wouldn't work on my mutations anymore, and I'd rather not repeat such an incident."

I hum.
"Maybe... I could deepen our mental connection, so we feel emotionally closer... but I'm not sure that would be such a good idea either, as long as there is still such a power imbalance between us."

I shrug again.
"So I suppose I'll just have to deal with it."

"What would this 'power imbalance' cause?"

"I'm not sure, since such a phenomenon is highly theoretical. But... in the worst case, it could overwhelm you and make your biggest fear come true - overriding your emotions."

"Well, there might be a solution there. Can you make the increase only work one way?"

"Im not sure... but I don't think so. Mental connections on that level are a two-way street, as far as I know. And, to be honest, my knowledge of that kind of power is not refined enough to attempt something this important. I hypothesise that your powers would be more suited for something like this, once awoken."

"Alright. So, we'll figure this out then, okay?"

I nod.
"Sure. But don't worry too much about it."

"Can you hold on for... I don't know, a few months?"

I shrug and laugh dryly.
"I'll do my best, but I can't make a promise on that."

She frowns ever so slightly, before smiling encouragingly and rubbing my arm.
"We'll do what we can. Just be sure to tell me what you need, okay?"

I nod once more and was about to say something, but pause and blink. Then, I gaze at her softly and lovingly.
"All I need is you, Leanna. I need you and your love."

Her eyes flicker mesmerizingly.

I sigh, getting drawn into them again.

The light she has woven around me is more secure than any of my scars, struck deeper than any sensation I have felt.
The magic of Terra is bound to certain laws, reminiscent of the laws of physical reality. It can be pried away from them, but not without destroying everything that it is. Likewise, as long as the patterns and swirling energies that make up my being remember that they are Xerath, they will never be able to forget what it feels like to be in her presence. My mind and ghost have been well-marked, and even if I could one day forget her name to cruel time and entropy, the memory of warmth and comfort and soft lovely skin can never leave me.
I sigh dreamily.
"...I'm yours..."

She steps up once more, cupping my cheeks in her hands, reinforcing bonds already stronger than stars with a gentle caress.

I slowly lean forward, slightly dazed. But my intention is clear.

These are 'scars' no version of me could not be proud of, could not want to display for all to see. They are signs of the attention of a being of pure rapture, that she has in some small way claimed me and for at least a short time bewitched my every sensation.
I want the world to know that I am hers, and crave the ability to call her mine in return... but for the moment, and perhaps in a future where she cannot reciprocate, pining forever for something like this might be okay.

She smiles softly at my dreamlike face, lips as pink as strawberries and with a scent far more delectable.
The angel's love coils around me, and there is no escape.
But there is every escape.
So I don't try to escape. I want to get deeper into it. I want more. And so I lean forward evermore, those vibrant lips of hers coming ever closer.

"We aren't on the clock for anything. Do you want something, Xerath?"
Her voice is hot on my face, sparkling like stars in the night sky.

I blink, still not fully shaking her grasp over me.
"...you."

I lean ever closer still, my face held in her hands, just like my heart.

Her warmth, pure and perfect as a golden sunrise, washes over me, and she closes the remaining distance.
'Just relax, and let your mind and heart rest, Xerath. Remember just before, what I asked of you to calm you down? Do that again, okay?'

To say her lips crashed into mine is both over and understating it. They weren't moving quickly, neither of us were brought anywhere near bruising. But at the same time, the sensation of her lips hit like a solar flare, setting my entire body ablaze.

I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of her lips on mine. My hands find the small of her back, falling in place as if made for that spot as I draw her closer.

The kiss is calming and exciting, chaste and deeply passionate, drawn from universal love and yet personal beyond my wildest dreams.
And the rest of her is hardly idle. It feels like every inch could have a novella written about it, as my heightened focus on her drinks in every detail it can find. For though unpracticed, she tells beautiful stories without saying a word, and I can't help but hang onto every unspoken syllable.

I sigh into her, my legs feeling weak all of a sudden, and I lean into her a bit more for support. How can she continue to be so wonderful? How can she continue to surprise me and become even better? My mind and swirling thoughts come to circle around her again, and I can only repeat two words to her.
'...love you... love you... love you..."

I can feel the flustered embarrassment rolling off of Leanna, along with the happiness, the affection, and the hope.
Hope?
Does she... want this to work out?

That realisation makes me blink my eyes open in surprise, my breath hitching in our kiss.

She opens her own eyes, the spotlights of sky blue staring both lovingly and questioningly into mine.
'What is it, Xerath?'

'I... just felt hope coming from you. What... do you hope for?'

She blinks, eyes fluttering closed and open.
'...I don't know... It... could be a lot of things, I suppose... but if it's relevant to this, then it's hope for us.'

'Do you... perhaps... hope for...'
I draw her closer.
'...this to work out?'

A thumb brushes over my cheek.
'Oh Xerath, do you truly think I would be able to do something like this if I was forcing myself?'

'Well, not really. But... you also seem to not be really comfortable with the thought of settling down with me... marrying me...'

'I gave you that first kiss because I was fed up with you talking about whether you were worthy and everything. Because I wanted something to work out for once. I'm... not ready for a lot of things, but there's a part of me that... well, it's not ready either, but it wishes I was.'

'I... see.'
I brush a hand through her luxurious golden strands, while the other keeps her pressed into me.
'Then I will just continue to love you until you are ready.'

'That hope is there because... if nothing goes wrong, if neither of us does something awful to mess everything up, then we could... we could...'
She blushes deeply.
'...we could do a lot of things...'

I tilt my head.
'Your flushed face is utterly adorable. And I would love to experience all sorts of things with you. But what is so embarrassing about this?'

'...the choices are vast in scope...'

'They truly are, especially considering what two gods are capable of. But that does not answer my question, dearest.'

'uhhhhhh...'

I blink.
'Wait. Whenever you flush like this... it usually has something to do with... oh. Is it... is it that?'

She glances away.

That warms my cheeks as well.
'I-I see... so it was that... uhm... So...'

I peek at her shyly.
'You... think about me in such a way, too? Consider me in such light?'

'...w-well...ummmm...'
Ripples of light move across her surface, nervous and tentative.

I continue to look at her, my flushed face lowered, but shy eyes glancing at her, patiently and encouragingly waiting for her answer.

'...I-uhhhh...'
She is heating up rapidly.

I sigh happily as I still hold her close.
'So warm...'

She suddenly squeaks.
"Eep!"

I blink in surprise.
"Force, how cute. But what is it?"

'I-I-I...you're really cute, and I have an active imagination!'

I tilt my head.
'You do? What are you thinki...ohh...'

I flush.
'I-I think I can take that as a c-confirmation, then...'

I avert my face again, but glance at her shyly.
'Do you... really find me... so cute that you think about me in such a way?'

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...'

'I-I'm sorry! That's t-too much for you, isn't it? I'm sorry...'

She nods quietly, and slowly takes a step back. She takes one of my hands and gives it a gentle squeeze.

I let her step out of my embrace, already missing her welcoming warmth again. I try to not let the disappointment show on my face, however.

Despite all efforts, she notices.
"I'm sorry, Xerath, but... it's not something I really want to be prodded about, okay? You were really happy, and I didn't want to stop that even as... well, my mind did a few things..."

I nod in understanding and take the hand she just grabbed, moving it up to my lips, and placing a gentle and loving kiss on the back of her hand.
"I love you, Leanna. Now and for as long as I will exist."

Even from her extremities, such beautiful light blossoms through me at the kiss, warming me down to my core.

I smile warmly and happily at her, even if quite embarrassed.
"I-its fine. To know that you can even consider me in such a light... despite having a good idea of what I look like under my robes... it makes me really very happy."
I lean forward again, aiming to lean my forehead against hers, if she lets me.

She guides my head to her shoulder, allowing me to once more sink into the soft sensation of love that envelops her.
"T-then at least one good thing's come from it..."

I sigh happily.
"That... wasn't quite where I aimed, but I'll take it..."

I blink at her words and look up, concerned.
"Do you... not like that you had those thoughts?"

"They... do bother our dynamic... make it uncomfortable for me to hold you..."

"I see. Yes, I understand that. I was just the same a few days ago, after all."

Even though her aura is bothered, it still eagerly flows under my skin. It feels like my entire being is drinking from her endless well. To me, they are deep draughts of precious life, to her the resource is so common as to be worthless except in offering to others.
"Still... how are you? You're holding on rather tight... it's not wrong, but I'm wondering what's happening to make you do that?"

"Huh?"
I blink at her.
"I am?"

"Yeah... it's not painful or anything, just... odd. Different."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just... you're so wonderful. Like... like a well of life, flowing endlessly like a fountain. I... it feels very... invigorating."

"Oh."
That seems to put her more at ease.
"Then... it's because of something you like?"

I smile softly.
"Never before have I been more thankful for all my different, supernatural and superhuman senses, because they allow me to see and experience all those wonderful and magnificent aspects of your being. So, yes, it is because of something I like, I suppose."

Then, my expression grows a bit more contemplating.
"Although... I suppose I was also thinking about something."

"Like what?"

"What you just said. Or, well, rather what you didn't say."
My cheeks gain some colour again.

"uhhh..."

"Do you... still want to know more?"

"About... what...?"

"What I thought about in that context."

She blinks, then her eyes go wide.
"UHHMmmmm...m-maybe not right now-"

I nod slightly.
"Alright. Though I think I can reassure you that I didn't quite mean what you seem to assume I mean."

She blinks.
"Huh?"

A sigh escapes my lips.
"I... I really am happy to learn that you do see me in such a light, too. So far, I only felt familiar love for me coming from you. To know you now think about more... intimate and romantic things with me... is very reassuring. However..."

I pause, mulling over my words for a moment.
"I... I repeatedly told you how my newly found instincts urge me on, right?"

Her voice is a bit guarded, as if unsure of what I'm getting at.
"...yes?"

I nod.
"I... am constantly having to keep myself in check, so to speak. To know you see me like that as well... may be dangerous. Especially when the day comes when my Colicoid side is taking over..."

"That's... unfortunate... have you given thought to my proposal for a shield?"

"Not much so far. I was too busy thinking about you."

She smiles, embarrassed.
"Well, that's... very nice, but we should determine a workaround of some kind."

"But as I said, I cannot think of one, except staying far away from you and occupying myself in other ways until that phase passes. When that side breaks out... it twists my way of thinking."

"I understand... but that rests on another problem."

"Hm?"

"Given your current mental state, will you be able to occupy yourself with other, sufficiently interesting and taxing distractions, such that it is impossible for you to consider coming to visit me?"

I nod.
"Most likely. When in that state, I am easy to aggravate, have a short temper, and a rather short attention span. If I find a monster to hunt... or a hundred... it should keep me occupied. It would most likely keep my mind off you."

"Can you be certain that this change in perspective has not been altered by new experiences?"

I shake my head.
"Absolutely not."

"Previously, a person of... your interest... was not even on the table."

"Correct. However, I am able to draw parallels. My colicoid instincts so far have usually only increased my aggression and hunger, which was amplified during those periods. But now, I have ground to assume that they also affect my instinct of... erm... reproduction... so I believe that that would also be amplified in the same way. And... to now know you consider me in such a way too... I might be led to think you want it, too... even if you say you don't..."
I shudder.
"I could never live with myself if that were to happen."

She nods solemnly, hand squeezing mine.
"We should also consider scale, shouldn't we? You've stated that the personality you manifested was violent. However, this was not only an extension of colicoid behaviour but of yours as well. You have, until quite recently, been in a state of mind which knew violence as required frequently and in extreme quantities. But your priorities have noticeably shifted. You remain violent, Xerath, but other things now occupy your mind, and in different amounts. So there is a question of whether a twisted version of yourself would be violent in the same ways, or even at all."

"Not... quite. My personality doesn't just become violent. I become a hunter. I become hungry. It... is a bit hazy, thus hard to explain, but it's less me, as me looking through the eyes of an animal. I hunt, and I eat. Though luckily, I can choose what I eat and what I hunt since my rebirth."

"Exactly. But it is based on what you are normally, yes? These are related?"

I scratch my cheek with my free hand.
"I'm not sure. So far, violence was always needed from me... but I never considered myself to be violent. Only here did I realize that I became dependent on the constant fighting."

"And you're not anymore, are you?"

"Oh, I very much am. Why did you think I had to create an army to destroy a few days ago?"

"True, but it's not the whole picture."

"If I don't get violence every few days, I grow restless... like withdrawal symptoms. Also, the sensation of the shift is... very hard to describe. In hindsight, I can kind of analyze it thanks to my perfect memory, even if it is hazy... but in the moment, I never even noticed for the longest time. Before my rebirth, I was unconscious, in a sense of the word, but after... I always felt like I was still me. It took a great amount of meditation and introspection to notice the hints of the shift in my cognitive patterns."

She runs a hand through my hair, perfect nails scratching across my skin in just the right places.

I close my eyes, my thoughts getting disrupted by her as easily as she draws breath.
"Krrrr..."

"Well... you'll be alright. Just stay watchful - I trust you."

I look away.
"That makes one of us."

"Shh. It's alright."
Even as her recent embarrassment clamped down on the ways her light flows, it's still captivating and euphoric, sparking in her hands and all across her body. Everywhere I touch is filled with golden light, bridging the gap with incredible joy.
"You'll be alright."

I take a deep, shuddering breath.
"You...? Yes... alright."

I take another one, drinking in her heavenly scent that smells like love and life.
"But... that was actually just one thing I thought about. I... think fast, and much."

"What are you thinking about, Xerath?"
Her voice shines in my ears, sending shivers down my spine. She wants to know what I'm thinking. Despite her questioning nature being common at this point, it still fills me with joy to know that she's willing to listen to me.

I lean into her again, resting my head on her shoulder.
"Well... I continued to think from that point. That... if we were to do... something like that... if you really were okay with that... I realised that I would be not."

She adorably tilts her head.
"How's that?"

"I..."
I glance up at her shyly.
"I'm just egged on by my newfound instincts, but they're not what I want - not fully. I do want you... but... differently. My instincts want me to claim you then and there, but... I... I want our first time together to be perfect. To be a truly meaningful moment in our lives, that we would easily remember even a millennia from now."

"Ah...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
She turns away, growing considerably warmer.
'...oh my...'

My voice grows quieter and meeker at her reaction.
"I want it to be in a place we have a deep emotional connection to, on a day that means something to us... I think... I would want it to be when we get married... if we get married."

She remains silent, but the manner of her warmth changes, as if in... approval? A form of reward? Perhaps, because the sensation is even more beautiful than the other things I have felt. As if, for a few moments, her soul turned to me specifically and told me that was a good idea. It is like one of her utterly rapturous kisses, but aimed at my heart instead of my mouth.

I feel my breath hitch, and it's a good thing she is silent, because I'm not sure if I could continue to speak. So instead, I close my eyes and hug her closely, gently, warmly.

I'm fairly certain that she didn't do it on purpose... but at the same time, it's something she wanted to do. To hear that I am willing to wait until a comfortable time like that must be comforting for her.

'Just... so you know, I'm not willing to wait... I want to wait.'
I place a soft kiss on her cheek.

She smiles back slightly, soft and warm as the morning light.

I smile at her as well, my cheeks tinged by warmth.
"I love you... more than any language I know can express with words. I want to spend the rest of my life at your side, Leanna."

A thought occurs to me. When I met her, Leanna shone with greater brilliance than any person I had yet met, but she was subdued. However, over the time I came to know her, her light has come to shine much brighter, though it still slumbers.
The thing which makes the most sense as the cause for this is myself. Exposed to my knowledge and complete devotion, the fire of divinity within Leanna has burned hotter and hotter, with no end in sight.
My eyes widen at the realisation. So... I... I do have a positive influence on her? It... it's good that I am here...? Not just for me, but for her too?
Every meaningful look I have given her, every loving embrace, every kiss of barely concealed - and sometimes naked - hunger, all of it... has caused her to grow brighter. And every time it grows, I have responded positively, encouraging it further.
Now it makes sense why it was always so difficult to affect her to the same degree as she did me- she already was being affected, just not in the way I thought. By engaging with the world - and me in particular, due to my emotional reaction to her - she has grown more and more powerful, leading from her originally small golden core to her presently massive oceans of light that one of the strongest natural power seals I've ever seen can barely contain.
And if I continue... well, what will happen is fairly obvious. If I continue to love her, and devote my time, my body, my heart to her... she will break free, and it will be as I saw in the vision.
It would be absolutely glorious. But... am I ready? Will I be ready by then? I don't recognize the terrain that was about us, but... the emotional trigger is clear as day. The block is mental in nature, overcome when her worries and reservations are - typically by another concern. If this awakening occurs as a result of what I have done, it will be the day she says 'I love you'.
My breath hitches once again in my throat. Will I be able to handle her radiance? Her power is already enough to drown me as it is... what will happen when she fully awakens?

One thing is for certain. If she does, the comparison between then and now will be as different as night and day, truly. And if I struggle now already to keep up with her... will I be worthy of standing beside her then? Or would I be eclipsed by her power? But... no, I mustn't think like that! If it happens when she can say that she loves me... then I have earned my place in the sun, my place at her side.
Yes, that's right... if she wants me, who am I to doubt her? She is the absolute authority on what she wants, after all...
Just like I am the absolute authority on what I want. It would be... strange... if in response to me saying I wanted to be with Leanna someone else said 'no you don't, you're wrong about what you want'. I... admittedly never considered it from that point. Though, I suppose it would be a thing if it were the Force... yet the Force has led me here - brought me here... so I am meant to be here, with her. And the Force has not dictated my future to me so much as placed it in front of me with an expectation. Well, after blocking all other paths, that is.
And well... at least in her case, whether or not I have fully accepted the idea that she does want me, I have promised to provide for her anything she asks for. That includes myself, so if she asks... regardless of whether I believe in my heart that she loves me, I'll... well, I'll anything. With a few notable exceptions. After all, I've vowed to fulfil her every wish. So, if it is within my ability to do so, I will. And if she happens to wish for me to love and cherish her... well, I could think of countless more difficult tasks.
I can still feel the doubt in the corners of my mind, but watching Leanna's spirit move within her just... has an effect on me, that convinces me to forget my worries and just focus on what's in front of me.
And what is in front of me is the greatest gift of my entire life. I place a soft kiss on the top of her hair, making sure to share that sentiment with her.

She beams brightly at me, warmth and light playing across my body, rippling through every scar and burn with both ease and a close, attentive affection.

I kiss her nose next, then smile lovingly at her, eyes sparkling with affection.
"You are the greatest gift in my life, Leanna. I love you."

She blushes, but the hand in my hair resumes its scratching, and her eyes glimmer with a hypnotic light.

And with her scratching returns my happy chittering as I am getting lost in her eyes.
"Krrrrr..."

It takes me a moment, but eventually, I blink back into focus.
"But, say, you wanted to go somewhere with me, right? Should we go there?"

"We can do that. But I mentioned it as an alternative to being in this part of town, and you seem to be getting sidetracked."
She smiles mischievously at me.
"Repeatedly."

I return her smile with a smirk of my own.
"Can you blame me? I am beside a literal goddess of light. You make it quite hard for me to not get sidetracked."

Her eyes merely twinkle in their irresistible, enrapturing way.

I tear my gaze away, sighing theatrically.
"See?"

"I did not blame you."
She smiles sweetly.
"In fact, I gave no indication that this is something I was unhappy with."

By tearing my gaze away, I actually look around for the first time in a while again.
"I suppose that is true..."

I then realise that I was so taken by her when this particular hug started that I forgot to set up an illusion. My mood pummels faster to the ground than a shot-down starfighter as my eyes widen in horror and dart around frantically, as my heart pounds in my chest and my breathing grows shallow.
Yet I can't find anyone that was watching. We seem to have been alone.

Leanna looks worried.
"Xerath, what is it?"

I sigh a breath of relief.
"Phew..."

I look back up to her.
"I... realise I forgot to put up an illusion..."

"Oh dear."
She seems worried, but for a different reason now.

"Exactly."
I scan around again.
"But... it seems like we are alone. I can't find anyone watching."

"...okay."
She appears to be relieved as well.
"What made you forget? You're normally very attentive for that..."

"I... I'm not sure... The suddenness of our embrace, perhaps?"
As I think back, I remember the look in her eyes that made the world fall away in an instant. That moment when her hands cupped my cheeks and I could do nothing other than love her.
The memory alone almost makes me fall back into that moment, but I shake my head to focus back on the present.
"No, not quite. It was your expression, the look in your eyes when you cupped my cheeks."

"Oh? ...interesting."

"It was... as if the world was suddenly reduced to only you. I could think about nothing else but you, do nothing else but love you."

"Oh."
She sounds startled, then murmurs something.
"...what would that even be like...?"

"Would you... like me to show you?"

Her eyes widen.
"Well... I'm curious, but... a mindset like that would need a focus... right? ...what would mine be?"

"Oh, I don't mean to replicate it. I'm not sure if I could, even if I wanted to. But what I can do, is to show you my memory of that moment, and how I felt."

"Is that... safe?"

I shrug.
"Why shouldn't it?"

"I don't know. I'm not an expert, just careful. But if it's safe... I trust you. Let me see."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Oh, right. It could be too much for you if you were to experience it as if it were your own... then I'll have to make sure to not show it from first-person perspective. This should be doable."

"I'm not sure I want to... experience some kind of secondhand narcissism without any filter, after all."

I smile at her warmly and nod.
"Sure. Though I'm not sure if me basically worshipping you would be considered narcissism if you were to see it through my eyes... But your trust is greatly appreciated."

I then step up to her again, reaching out a hand to touch her forehead.
"Well, here we go."

"Did you put up an illusion now?"

I blink and do so.
"I did now."

She smiles at me.
"Good. Just didn't want you to forget."

I smile at her again, this time in gratitude, then close my eyes as I touch her forehead. How can her skin be this smooth? No, focus! I focus on that memory, and on her, and our mental link. I must be careful to only send that one memory over. Others could be too much for her to bear. And I also must be careful to make sure to send the accompanying emotions over, but clearly flag them as foreign for Leanna. It is a new application of my powers for me, but I know how to theoretically do it, so it should be fine, even if I need a moment longer on this first try.

Leanna closes her eyes, and feels, and sees, and listens.

She feels the incredible loving warmth I always receive from her as well as my own endless love for her, sees how my focus honed in on her more and more, how the world around us faded away as her golden strands fell around my vision, and hears my thoughts from that moment, as well as every detail I heard, like her gentle breath and soft heartbeat.

Eventually, she opens her eyes.
"T-This is how I make you f-feel?"

I nod.
"This one was particularly intense, but roundabout, yes."

She looks at me, worried.
"Does it feel that much worse to not be with me?"

"Hmm... how could I describe it?"
I ponder this for a moment, humming to myself.
"It's like... being with you feels like a warm summer day, and being without you feels like a cold night. I... I can manage for a while, but I don't think I could endure very long periods without you anymore."

She gasps, wrapping me quickly into her embrace again, as if to shield me from the coldness of the universe.

I sigh happily, wrapping my arms around her again as well.
"I don't want to lie to you, but I also don't want to worry you. Don't feel like you have to stay constantly around me because of this. If you want your space every now and then, I completely understand that."

"Of course... I need breaks, and I do want you to be able to hold onto your own light eventually, but the world should not be a dark place."
I feel her arms and light both wrap around me, and I feel warm... safe... loved...

"If I need to light the way I will, Xerath."
Her voice is defensive, sounding like she's protecting me...

I close my eyes and enjoy her embrace, accepting her protection.
"The world should not be a dark place, but for me, it certainly was so far. It was as if all my life I walked through a dark cave, only being able to follow a single path. Only recently have I found light at the end of the tunnel. So, yes, your light illuminates my darkness and shines me the way, guiding me. Hence me saying that you have shifted my priorities. I trust your morals more than my own. So I know that in striving to make you happy, I should generally do the right thing."

Light shimmers against my skin, and my heart lights up in response. She shimmers in mesmerizing patterns, and as before my world seems to focus down until only Leanna exists. In addition to the previous homey, desired feeling, there is also a feeling of safety, as the light coils around me. It demands nothing, but I want to give it - to give her - everything. I cannot do enough to prove my love, and maybe that's okay. I just need to keep demonstrating my devotion every day.
And that I can do. I open my eyes to glance up at her, my eyes shimmering with adoration, love and devotion.
"You're my home, Leanna. I love you. Never before have I felt so safe..."

I nestle into her, nuzzling and caressing her, letting my emotions run freely, so that her senses can pick up on what they can.

She smiles at me, eyes shining like stars, and I can't help but trace every bright blue solar flare.
I could spend an eternity just doing that, gazing into those bright blue orbs with more depth than any ocean, and I would never grow bored, not feel like a single moment was wasted.
I reach up a hand to cup her cheek, fingers softly trailing over her perfectly smooth skin.

Light from her smile plays across my face, as does the sensation of her skin. The both of them ripple across my soul, and I feel them paint me with pleasure like a canvas, working to see what new forms of bliss they can conjure.
I sigh happily as a pleasant shiver runs down my spine. I was doing this for her, how can she turn this around like that?
"That's not fair..."

As before, she gifts me with a mischievous smile.
"Are you objecting?"

"N-not really... but it's just not fair... I wanted you to feel good by cupping your cheek... so how come you make me feel even better by that?"

She beams at me, gentle loving lips pressing against my hand to deliver a beautiful, absolutely overwhelming joy across me, plunging into my deepest depths to weave light into being. Every inch of who I am has written upon it a memory of that kiss in an instant.
It's not even on the lips, but it's absolutely ecstatic.

I melt into our embrace, the strength in my legs giving out.
"Oohh..."

I blink then.
"Oh, I-I'm sorry. Am I too heavy? I... you just sapped all the strength out of my legs..."

"It's alright, Xerath."
She slowly guides us to a clean street corner, sitting me down before setting herself beside me.

"Really? I weigh about two hundred kilos..."

"You are heavy, but that's alright."

Another kiss, as radiant as the first. This time on the cheek.

"Oooh..."
I lean even more into her, almost sagging into her.

"How are you feeling?"

"The best I've ever been... I think? I... you... wow..."

She stares at me, and I can't help but be utterly captivated by her - the sheer liveliness, loveliness, and divinity in everything she is and does... once again, she is the only thing in the world.
Her eyes glow like nebulae filled with stars, sparkling with a hypnotic light that pulls me into a perfect trance.
Her hair flows like a golden liquid, a colour brighter than any star.
Her lips are full and pink, and I feel every place they've ever touched cry out to them in the desperate hope they'll visit again.
She breathes in, and out, the slightest motion, and yet it seems less like drawing air into her, and more like the world around her is pulled towards her.
Reality slows. I can count my heartbeat, and my breaths, even as I know both are happening with incredible alacrity.
I can only lean into her, holding onto her. She is everything, there is just Leanna. I touch my forehead against hers.
'You had a glimpse of how you make me feel earlier. I hope you realise now that whenever I say you are divine, you are my world, and you are everything to me... it is by no means exaggerated. I mean everything I say exactly as I say. You truly are my everything, Leanna.'

From every point of contact, the choir swells, and she turns her face towards me. Her breathing is soft and even, her touches placed with exacting care... and she begins to speak.
"Then... are you watching closely?"

I nod slightly.
"Every single of my senses is trained solely on you, my love."

"Okay. If you can, focus on me - feel my rhythms, listen to my voice. It's calming, yes?"

Another nod.
"Incredibly so."

In the context of what she told me a few minutes ago, it's obvious what she's trying to do.
"And you're comfortable with being calm like this?"

There's my way out. She won't just take me, I have to give myself up. I don't know how this will be, but it's with Leanna... so it will be good.
Despite everything, there is hesitation. Am I really ready to give myself up fully? It is Leanna, and I trust her absolutely. But still... something at the back of my mind isn't quite comfortable with this.
"I... I think so."

She pauses.
"I heard hesitation."

She isn't accusatory. Not in the slightest.
"Xerath, I'll only do this if you can look me in the eyes and tell me unequivocally that it's what you want."

She smiles softly at me.
"It's alright if you aren't ready. Just look me in the eyes, and speak your mind."
Those eyes glitter at me, the colour of affection.

I do so, unable and unwilling to look away. My eyes shine with devotion and pure love.
"I love you. More than anything. I will do anything for you."

"Will is not the same as want, Xerath."

I blink.
"...Perhaps not."

"I didn't ask if you will, I asked if you wanted it. And perhaps you do. But I refuse to do this if you aren't absolutely sure about it."

"I... I think I do. But... a part of me is still restless like this, even now. I... I can't even quite identify it, but... it's..."
I sigh, ringing for the words.
"...I... "

My eyes dart around hers, moving somewhat nervously, but still unable to fully break away from her magnificent gaze.
"I don't know..."

"Well, there is something we can do about that."
She smiles ever so softly.
"We can look for what's bothering you. Would you welcome me into your mind, Xerath? I'll light the way for you, so it will be safe."

"I... I'm not sure that's a good idea."
I lean away from her.
"I... do we have to?"

"Only if you want to, of course."
She looks at me, unhappy.
"But something is bothering you, and I want to understand what."

I wince and look away, unable to bear her unhappy expression.
"I'm more bothered by the idea of you looking into my mind right now than the elusive reason I don't want to fully give myself up to you."

"Is... that what you thought I was going for?"
She backs off, realisation dawning on her pretty face.
"Oh... that makes perfect sense... oh no... ...I'm sorry, I... just felt so moved and I wanted you to be happy..."

I peek back at her.
"You... you weren't going for another hypnosis?"

"Yes I was... is that what you think of it? I... didn't think of it like that, more of just an extension of some things we were already doing..."

I nod.
"Well, yes. I basically give up my autonomy, instead allowing all my thoughts to circle around you aimlessly. In that state, I hold no control over anything. All control lies with you."

She seems worried.
"Is that... what you mean when you say you're focused on me?"

I don't want to worry her too much, however, so I lean back into her, resting my head on her shoulder.
'And just for the record, I already am incredibly happy just being with you.'

Then I shrug, answering her question more directly.
"Kind of. I have several different trains of thought running at the same time, at faster speeds than normal humans. So your assessment that I think a lot is quite correct. And since knowing you, my thoughts often came to circle around you, and I had to force them in line to think about anything else. And just now, when I said that all my senses were trained on you, that is exactly how I meant it. Just like in that memory I shared with you, the world was reduced to you, my Force sense only saw you, my eyes only saw you, my ears could only hear you, and so on. There was only you. Just Leanna."

"And that is... a position of... submission, in your frame of reference?"

I nod.
"I don't mind being like this normally, as I still have the mental capacities to push against it if I wanted to... but in that hypnosis... I do not."

"And... well, it doesn't matter if you trust me or not, you just don't like it, right?"

I nod again.
"...Yeah. Though surprisingly much of me is okay with it, there is still something that doesn't like it."

"I understand."
She runs a hand through my hair, smiling.

I immediately lean into her touch.

"We'll do this when you're ready, or not at all."

"Alright. Sounds good."
I smile at her as well.

She leans in, and gives me a kiss. Oh Force... just like the previous two, it's absolutely filled with light, but its position easily elevates it, and I'm reminded why I'm sitting down. Golden winds whirl through my mind, warming me from head to toe, and etching a perfect memory upon me. I feel her hands on my back, each finger trailing absolution and setting my muscles ablaze.
'You've done very well, Xerath.'

I all but melt into her embrace, eagerly cuddling closer to her and absorbing all the warmth I can. My arms wrap around her as well as I sigh happily against her lips.
'Huh? With what?'

'You refused to do something you didn't want to do, even though you felt the world wanted it from you. You listened to the unease in your heart.'
She pulses with warmth, extending around me and lovingly clicking into place around me.
'That is very good.'

I close my eyes, leaning closer into our kiss, holding her tighter.
'Well, I only did what you told me to, but thank you anyway. You sensed hesitation and refused to go further. If anything, I have to thank you.'

As my soul flexes and moves, the two of us link together, and at the feeling of harmony, I am filled with joy. I cannot for a moment consider the stone beneath me- only the goddess above me is worth his time. Only Leanna.
But wait, above me?
She has... moved.

My eyes blink open in surprise, while I sigh in happiness again.

She is propped up on her knees, upon my lap... This position...

Uuhh... she is... in my lap? This sensation is... maybe it's not good.
But... her kiss... that is good. Soo good.
I can't really bring myself to care about her position, drawing her closer to me with a sudden pull, assaulting her lips with renewed fervour.
My cheeks gradually feel warmer as the sensation of her perfect body being pressed up against me causes my blood flow to be altered.

She smiles into the kiss, fire bursting forth from every point of contact.

I have been lit aflame before, burned in lava too... but this kind of fire is completely different. This fire is pleasant. This fire is... my passion ignited.

"You still okay?'

In response, I hold her tighter still.
'I love you.'
My kiss becomes more passionate, more hungry.

The winds whistle across my heart, flowing like love and filling me more than any experience I've ever had.

'I love you so much.'
And yet it is not enough. As starved as I am, I need more. More of her. More of her love. More of her lips.

And more she has to offer. So, so much more.
Every touch reaches ever deeper, spreading her love across every inch of me.

"Mhmm..."
I can't help but groan against her lips.
It feels so good. This might be the best sensation in my entire life!
"Leanna...!"

There is no maybe, it is. Every last drop of my consciousness is glowing from her touch, like a goddess.

In response, I can only pour out all my love and devotion for her in return, letting it flow against her senses, especially through her lips.
Every part of me sings, rippling in a pattern of her...
I breathe out her name.
"Leanna..."

Wait, breathing? I'm slightly out of breath. My nerves feel aflame, every part of me is even more sensitive than usual. The extremities of my soul have shaped themselves to best allow her in... it's magical.

After having all but devoured my lips, I have to break the kiss, feeling weak all of a sudden. I require more air.
Hence I take a deep, gasping breath. The air is sweet, infused with Leanna - because, well, she's right there, smiling from her place in my lap. She is blushing hard, but she's smiling brightly.

I am panting slightly, gasping for air. This was... so much. My cheeks are quite warm as I gaze at her.
"Whew... I... I love you... so much..."

Then, I freeze as I realise something. My cheeks are not the only thing that's warm. My eyes dart down, then widen a bit.

She cups my cheeks.
"Feel better?"

"Uhh..."

Her movement sets my still sensitive nerves alight all over again. I can't help but wrap her in another embrace, pulling her close again as my eyes are drawn to her incredibly gorgeous face. And those full lips that seem to entice me... how could I resist them, when they appear that supple?
I rapidly close the distance between us again, devouring her lips all over again. She just tastes so divine. Truly the best taste I ever experienced. The only taste I could ever care about.

Once again, her soul knits together with mine, and in response to my desperate desires, and every single one is met.
I sigh out in bliss, whispering her name.
"Leanna..."
'You are so incredible. You are perfect. You make my life worth it.'

I drink, deeply, of her taste, of her light. She is an unending ocean of bliss I am floating through.
'You aren't so bad yourself.'

'I must make you happy. You deserve everything. I want to give back as much of the bliss you make me feel as I can.'

'Hmmm...'
Absolution.
My heart is made whole. Perfect.

I feel another surge of love spreading through me, making my muscles tremble. In the face of such a divine feeling, I can only groan out her name once more.
"Ngh... Leanna...!"

How could I not love and desire her with every fibre of my being, when she makes everything okay? In the face of her love, it feels like the massive, crushing burdens are lifted off my shoulders. There is only Leanna. Only divine perfection.
Everything about this is... beyond perfect. She is there for me, surrounding me with love... it feels so good...
So, so good... and her encompassing love surrounding me, her gentle heartbeat and soft, albeit somewhat laboured breaths all work to calm me down, my carnal desires cooling down after having just erupted again.
My kiss turns from devouring and hungry to loving and gentle. In fact, even my hold on her loosens a bit, as if I have lost some strength.

Her grasp, however, remains just as strong and tender, more lovely than anything else in the universe.

I am trembling in her grip, every touch of her sending fire through my sensitive nerves.
I have to break the kiss, as I am panting, now more prominently than before, completely overwhelmed by her.
"Leanna..."

"Yes, Xerath?"
She smiles, oh so lovely and vibrant, both in colour and brightness.

"I... love you... so incredibly much..."
My cheeks are fully flushed, as my bloodstream went completely haywire. My breathing is laboured as my arms rest on the small of her back, barely able to muster up any strength.
"You are... just... wow..."

Worry creeps into her bright expression.
"You seem tired..."

"You... uhh..."
I glance away.
"You did... uhm... quite a number on me..."

I blink, my eyes widening again for a moment. I send a surge of power to clear the quite substantial stain in my underwear. As I focus on it, I also notice the damage done to the fabric by the acidic properties and fix them.

"Really? Is that okay?"

I shrug helplessly, powerlessly.
"If it's okay or not... I cannot tell. All I know is that this was the most... transcendent experience I ever had in my entire life. It was... it was beyond perfect."

She beams, shining like a star.
"Then... you're happy?"

I gaze at her softly, my eyes brimming with love and devotion.
"My love... I am ecstatic."

"So, what do you want now?"

I take another breath.
"Rest, for a moment. I have to calm down after this experience, reboot my system..."

My limbs are still trembling.
"On that note, could you, perhaps, get off me...?"

"Oh, of course."
She shifts off of my lap.

I breathe a sigh of... what, exactly? Relief or disappointment? Maybe both? I can't be sure. How curious.
"That position is... very dangerous, dearest."
My eyes dart between her and my crotch, wondering if she noticed what she caused in me at all.

No, it seems.
"Why is that? You seemed a bit exhausted to do more than kiss."

"Uhhm..."
I flush all over again.
"I... I'm... well... I'm not sure... uhm... W-well... you do realise where you were seated... right?"

She adorably tilts her head at me.
"In your lap."

"Y-yes, exactly. And you know what that means...?"

"No...? Not off the top of my head, anyway."

"W-well... do you know what is there...?"

"Thighs? That's where I was sitting."

"Uhm..."
I didn't think it possible, but I flush even more, radiating heat like a heat radiator on Hoth. I debate with myself if I should really tell her. She is so pure and innocent. Should I really taint her? But she asked me, she wants to know what affected me so much...
"You know... what's between the thighs?"

"Yes... what about it?"

"You... uhm..."
I tilt my face away from her, unable to look at her.
"You had... caused quite the... reaction..."

She still doesn't seem to draw the connection.
"I mean, of course I did, just look at you. What does that have to do with what you were just saying?"

I still refuse to look at her.
"You caused... a reaction... in my lower body..."

I scratch my cheek.
"Or, well, it affected my entire body, but most prominently my lower body... a specific part of my lower body, to be precise... reacted to it the most..."

She blinks. Then, she facepalms.
"Oh dear..."

She reddens, equal parts embarrassed and exasperated.
"...oh dear..."

I fiddle with my fingers, embarrassed about this whole ordeal.
"...yeah..."

"...just from a kiss?"

I glance at her, shyly.
"...just from your kiss."

"...are you feeling okay?"
After embarrassment, her next immediate reaction is concern. Concern for me.
"...I...assume that normally...that...doesn't happen for no reason..."

I scratch my cheek again.
"Well... I'm... very embarrassed, very confused and also very ecstatic."

Then I finally fully turn to her again.
"This was, by far, the best moment in my life. And my body reacted to it, I suppose."

She looks away, face alight with colour.
"...uhhhh... ...I-uhhhhh...didn't expect to do something like this to you..."

I shrug helplessly.
"I know. Neither did I expect this, but here we are."

I sigh, my cheeks still flushed.
"But at the very least, this is as much proof of my unlimited love for you as everything else, I suppose..."

"..."
She shudders slightly.
"I'm... sorry."

Now this worries me. I lean forward to her, concern clear on my face.
"Hey, what's wrong?"

"You weren't expecting to respond like that, so if you felt... imposed upon, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

I blink.
"No, I do not. Why should I?"

"...you accepted affection, not knowing that it would do such a thing to you..."

"Yes. I didn't expect to react so strongly to it. But why do you apologize for it? It is embarrassing, sure, but it is because I felt really, really good."
I tilt my head.
"So why do you sound like it's a bad thing? Why do you think I feel imposed on?"

"...I worried..."

I gently reach out to cup her chin, guiding her face to look at me. I am still majorly flushed, but also quite concerned.
"But why, Leanna? I have the feeling there is more to it than you let on. Would you like to talk to me about it?"

She sighs.
"I was just worried... you didn't like what I did earlier, and I was concerned that you wouldn't like that either..."

"Ooh, I see..."
I pull her a bit closer again, having regained some strength.
"I didn't fully like what you did earlier because it messed with my mind. But this didn't, so I'm fine."

"THAT didn't mess with your mind?"
She smirks slightly. She knows what I mean, of course.

"W-well, it did mess with my mind, in a way, but not in the same way..."
I shyly glance away, but smile.
"I mean, your kiss was so insanely good, you made me... you know... it's nothing to apologize for."

"Okay..."
She reaches down and gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

I squeeze back, then lift the hand to my mouth to give hers a kiss.
"I love you, Leanna. More than anything. And this... incident, while very embarrassing, is just further proof of that."

Upon the kiss is the urge to just do so for hours on end, but I resist. There's been plenty of that for now.
Instead, I smile up at her, lovingly and charmingly, with still-flushed cheeks.
"You are absolutely wonderful. My goddess."

"You tell me when you're ready to get up."

We sit together, as I bask in her warmth.
I lean my head on her shoulder.
"Hmm... that's difficult. I could spend entire days just like this."

Then, my face falls a bit.
"But on the other hand, I don't want to keep you from seeing your dear friend, either..."

"Shh."
She puts a finger to my lips.
"It's alright. Time isn't tight."

I kiss it.
"Alright."

I then wrap my arms around her.
"But still, I'm reluctant to let you go... Never mind that I also looked forward to meeting her myself."

"Perhaps another time... I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I understand."
I sigh.
"I feel like I'm too dependent on you the past few days. This might be a good exercise to endure being separated from you for a bit. As much as I love to just be around you, I understand if you want time on your own every now and then."

"I get that. But it makes sense. I'm not worried about it, at least."
She smiles at me.

I take a breath, which hitches at the sight of her smile.
"A-alright. I'm worried about it, but I'm worried about everything, so... maybe it will be alright."

"Maybe."
She beams blindingly, and warmth shines from within her.

I sigh happily.
"Oh, my goddess... how can I endure to be in the presence of such perfection?"

"Very carefully."

I snuggle into her.
"Perhaps."
I then tilt my head, moving to kiss her neck, but hesitate. I blink, and pull back, sighing.

She giggles most adorably.
"You don't need to kiss me if you don't want to, Xerath."

"No, that's not it. I do want to kiss you. You have no idea how much I want that. But I think that if I do, we won't get anywhere today."

"So you don't want to. That's what you're describing. You want to, but have decided that you'd prefer something else for other reasons."

"Yes. I want to, but know that I shouldn't. You wanted to do something else than kissing the entire day, after all."

"True."

"Hence, I decided that I shouldn't get dragged in by your allure for the third time in a row. I truly am a fast learner."
I nod sagely as I say that.

She smirks.
"Truly."

I smile up at her.
"Though I have to say, you really are addictive. I think I'm already hooked. And there is no cure in sight..."

Her smirk drops in favour of some concern.
"...and that is a good thing, right?"

I blink, pausing to consider it.
"...mostly, yes. If you see it that way. It means that I am completely dependent on you, and couldn't live without you anymore. Which is fine with me. Though the part that could bother me is how easily you can mess with my mind without even wanting to."

She nods.
"Okay."

I sigh.
"You really are much to handle, Leanna. Your wonderfulness can be quite overwhelming."

"And that's why I have to worry."

"I suppose."

"Because at the very least, I'm not really affected by it, so it falls to me to make sure you're alright."

I look down.
"Though I do try to make you feel at least a fraction of the bliss you make me feel... is it not working?"

"I feel happier, but... I'm not sure what the problem is that you're having. I do feel when you're trying to connect with me like that, and it is nice."

I smile.
"Okay, then that's good."

"But based on this, I don't think I react with nearly the intensity you do. So I think we're missing something here."

"Yes. It is... very difficult to describe, because your loveliness is visible to all my senses. And since all of them are inhumanly attuned and sensitive... well, so are my reactions to you, I assume."

"I still don't think normal people react to... that degree... to a kiss."
Colour dusts her delicate cheeks.

I shrug helplessly.
"Probably not. But normal people aren't half-insects with strong reproductive instincts. And normal people are also not literal gods, with a literal goddess as their lover."

"M-maybe not..."

I blink at her.
"Huh? Why'd you stutter?"

She is silent.

Concern grows on my face again.
"Leanna?"

The colour on her face becomes more prominent. She seems embarrassed.

My concern lessens, and I look at her softly, brushing a hand over her warm cheek.
"What about this was so embarrassing?"

"...I'm still not used to it."

"To what?"
I tilt my head.
"Me calling you a goddess?"

She nods slightly.

I smile softly.
"Alright."

Then I lean in closer to her, placing a soft kiss on the top of her hair.
"I won't force you to see yourself as one. But it certainly is how I see you."

A faint glow ripples down her hair, spinning in a beautiful pattern.

"And let me tell you, you are glorious."

"..."

The pavement might not have been comfortable, but with her staying here is the simplest thing.
Against my better judgement, I hold her close, lavishing her with soft and loving kisses all over her head, forehead, cheeks and nose.

Her scent flickers, a chemical motion like a candle flame.

I sigh happily as I just douse her with love and affection. I feel so amazingly privileged, that I can have this... experience, taste this kind of love. Her little motions of body and soul every time I do anything enrapture me, inscribing this feeling everywhere.
After giving her a kiss on her perfect cheek, I whisper into her ear.
"You are so amazing, Leanna. I feel so lucky to have you. You make everything in my life worth it."

Then I kiss her ear.

She smiles back at me, stretching slightly in my grasp. The strands drag along my skin like rays of light.

I lean my head back a bit, but still hold her close, and I return her smile.
"So, do you feel better now?"

"I do."

"Great, I'm glad."
I caress her again.
"You are my dearest goddess, and I want to do everything in my power to make every moment the best for you as it can possibly be. So I am quite glad when what I do works."

She beams at me, not uttering a word, yet saying so much.

I kiss her hair again.
"Especially since I have no experience in these things. I just... want to let you feel my love for you."

Then I lean back to gaze into her eyes.
"So, even if you may not fully grasp how you make me feel, you can trust my words as spoken. I am beginning to believe that everything in my life up until now... all of that has been worth it... simply because it led me to this, to you."

Her eyes shine like embers in the deepest night, with all the colours of Leanna.

Drawn in by her mesmerizing gaze, I lean forward, aiming to capture her lips. But before I fully close the gap, I stop once more. I take a deep breath and sigh, closing my eyes and pushing myself back.
"I... think that maybe... we should get going soon?"

She continues to smile at me.
"We can do that. Can you stand now?"

"I should, yes. The shock from... that has worn off."

"Okay."
She stands up with the kind of fluid grace I've come to expect and love.

I stand up as well, being stable on my feet again, and then smile at her charmingly.
"But still, I know you are amazing, yet I still would not have expected that you're that amazing. You are quite breathtaking."

"And you seem quite into it, of course."

"Well, I am quite into you. Though it's a good thing I restrained myself from kissing you again just now. I'm not sure if my illusion would have survived my focus being broken again."
Speaking of which, would it have even mattered? I glance around again. Hmm... Unclear. I can't see anyone.

"I suppose it's a good thing we're going to be going, then."

"Yes. But also..."
I sigh theatrically.

She raises a delicate eyebrow in that cutely curious fashion of hers.
"You don't particularly like riding the edge of your abilities, do you?"

"Huh? Oh, no, that's not it. It may be a good thing that we're going to be going, but on the other hand, I had to hold myself back from kissing you more."
I gaze at her with a slightly tilted head and a dreamy expression.

She smiles softly.
"Come along, Xerath. You'll get a better chance to make that expression at me later."

I blink.
"Huh? What? When?"
I step beside her, holding out my hand to her, which she immediately settles into, intertwining our fingers.

"Well, I imagine the best place for you to stare longingly at someone is when the two of you are alone in a sealed room, yes?"

I blush.
"Ah. Well... So, you still want to share a room with me?"

"Yes? Assuming the maximum room size is two-bed, it makes the most sense too. So I don't even need to worry about cutting into anything. Except maybe other interactions..."

I tilt my head again, this time in confusion.
"Huh? What other interactions?"

"You know, interactions with other roommates. It's mostly opportunity cost."

"Ah. I see."
I shrug.
"Well, when I roomed with Zack, we didn't do anything besides sleeping."

She smiles bemusedly.
"And listen to him panic at Ceru."

I chuckle softly.
"Yes, that too."

Then my amused face smooths out again.
"But aside from that, I'm really not sure what interactions you mean. As you know, I have not much experience in social situations of the nocturnal variety."

"Then it's mostly for me. I guess that's just not something you ever tried."

I nod.
"Yes. For most of my career, I slept alone, ever since I got settled in on Dromund Kaas. And before... well... days were always exhausting enough for me to more or less crash into my bed."

I regard her with a curious expression.
"So, what other interactions do you mean? What things do you do when you room with others?"

"You know, talk, read together, help each other out... That sort of stuff."

"As a matter of fact, I do not know. Hence my questions."
A slight tinge dusts my cheeks.
"Perhaps... you could show me some examples later?"

She smiles.
"Of course I could, Xerath. I don't see why I shouldn't, at least."

I smile as well.
"Splendid. Then I'll be looking forward to our evening."

As we walk now, I glance down at our linked hands, then back to Leanna's face, and then smile happily to myself, almost grinning.

I feel her light flex slightly, rushing against me. That, in turn, causes me to beam brightly, a clicking noise escaping my throat. It's similar to my usual chittering, but shorter.

She smiles back, happy and content.

I step closer to her, leaning my head against hers. I'm positively brimming with happiness, which I readily share with her. My heart sings with belonging, basking in her warmth. I feel so incredibly lucky to have her. She is the light in my life. She accepts me when I can't, she cares about me when I don't.

---

A/N: As I promised, I'll elaborate a bit on my long silence.
My focus lied on my father's deteriorating health as he was in the hospital for a month. After some back and forth of his health, he was brought into a special clinic for a difficult operation on his heart. He didn't make it.
But as he was always proud of my grasp of language, even writing in a foreign language, he encouraged me to write a book. And while this isn't my original project that may become a book someday, it is still very dear to me. So even if the tone and themes of the chapter don't exactly fit that, I want to dedicate this to my old man. Despite all our disagreements, you've been a great dad and husband. We miss you. But at least we know you're no longer in pain. May you rest in peace.