5
When they arrived back at the lake house and unloaded all their groceries, the guys started the grill while the girls opened one of the bottles of wine, pouring each of them a glass. Bella accepted it, but didn't take a sip as they gathered out on the back deck. Feeling the overwhelming urge to check on her mother, she slipped her phone out of her back pocket and clutched the glass of wine against her chest as she made her way down to the edge of the water.
Her fingers were shaking as she found Heidi under her contacts and hit send. Just like earlier when she called, three phone rang three times before she heard a click followed by a rushed, "Bella, everything is fine."
"Don't lie to me, Heidi."
She heard the woman sigh. "I'm not! She's fine. Just a little aggravated."
"Evenings are always the hardest," she murmured. "She talks about him, about that night more at night."
Heidi didn't reply.
"Would it help if I talked to her?"
"No, I don't think so."
"What if she thinks I've abandoned her?"
"She won't."
"But what if she does?" Bella whimpered.
"Sweetpea, I adore you, but I'm about to crawl through this phone and smack the shit out of you myself."
She laughed through her tears.
"Renee is okay, just a little aggravated. You know, she doesn't know Demetri like she does me, and, well, you know how she gets with new people." Heidi paused before she asked, "Is he there?"
Bella bit the inside of her lip as she turned and looked back toward the house, where she saw everyone on the deck. While Edward, Garrett, Carlisle, Emmett, and Ben were gathered around grill, Jasper was leaning against the rail, watching her. The look in his eyes had her inside tingling.
"Yes."
"Then why are talking to me and not sexing him up?"
Bella tore her eyes away from Jasper, inwardly asking herself the same question, but instead, she replied, "It's complicated."
"Only because you're making it complicated," Heidi scoffed. "Did you look at the brochures yet?"
"A little," she admitted. "They seem like nice places. I just . . . I just don't know that I can give up on her like that."
"It's not giving up on her. It's giving her the care she needs, the care she deserves, while taking care of yourself. You could, I don't know, have a real life. Quit that shitty job, go back to school, become the doctor you always wanted to be."
Bella snorted. "I could never afford medical school. I can barely afford a pack of gum these days."
"There are grants and loans and scholarships available."
"You're starting to sound like an after school special, Heidi."
She laughed. "The more you know."
"You really think one of those places would be good for her?"
"I do. She's locked away inside this house all day with me or you. She needs a place where she can be stimulated, some place with people who are trained to take care of her, Bella. They have activities that would give her substance and goals. I think they would do wonders for her, and you need to start living your life for you, not for her."
"But she's my mom."
"If she hadn't gotten hurt, Bella, would she have wanted you to give up everything for her?"
Bella sighed. "No."
"Then don't. Look, I gotta get back inside. Demetri is helping her cook dinner, but just really think about what's best for her, and for you. And have sex, Bella. Lots and lots of sex."
Bella laughed.
"Drink, enjoy reconnecting with your friends, with him. Think about yourself for a change."
"I'll check on her tomorrow."
"I'm sure you will. Goodnight, Bella."
"Goodnight."
The minute she ended the call, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind. Smiling, she tilted her head back, causing her tears to slide down the side of her face as she looked up at Jasper.
"I'm here, Cricket."
"Why are you here, Jay?" she asked. "After how I pushed you away, why are you here?"
"Because I love you." He placed his hand on the side of her face before leaning down and kissing her softly at first, but then harder.
"Jay, stop," she whispered, twisting in his arms and placing her hand in the middle of his chest, giving him a gentle shove.
"Why?" he groaned.
"Because I don't want you to regret being with me over the next few days knowing it's not going to be more than this."
Jasper's jaw clenched as he dropped his hands to his hips and took a step backward. "It doesn't have to be just these few days, Cricket."
Bella sighed.
"I know, I know," he grumbled, shaking his head as he turned toward the lake. "Dad sends his love."
"He does?"
Jasper nodded as he looked at her. "He texted me when we got back from town, asked if I'd made it safe. You know how he worries."
She smiled and nodded.
"He didn't believe me when I told him you were here. Said without a picture, I had no proof."
Bella laughed. "So you sent him one?"
"I did," he confessed, pulling his phone out of his pocket and showing her the picture he'd snuck of her standing by the lake. "He said, and this is a direct quote, 'holy shit, it's a fricken miracle'."
"I can hear him saying it. He's doing good?"
"Knees hurt a lot. Can't really get around the way he used to. I've taken over the business for him."
"Why didn't you go back to school, Jay?"
Jasper shrugged his shoulder. "I was going to, but without you there, I just couldn't handle it. Dropped out a month in and went home instead. Dad needed help, so I went to work for him, and now, I'm the one in charge."
"Have you thought about going back?"
"Nah." He looked down at her. "You?"
"Only every fucking day," she quipped, lifting her wine glass to her lips, but then dropping it back down to her chest. "Not that I can, of course. She demands all my time, all my attention."
"Yo," Ben yelled, drawing their attention back to the house. "Foods ready. Get your asses back up here. Alice won't let us eat until we're all together, and Garrett is giving Edward a look that makes us all uncomfortable."
"Yeah, yeah, we're coming." Jasper held his hand out to Bella. "Are you hungry, Cricket?"
Though, she wasn't particularly hungry, she nodded, knowing if she didn't place her hands in his, he wouldn't go back to the others, and then nobody would eat. When they rejoined everyone, she found them all sitting around the table, only two seats were left empty, the two seats between Alice and Rosalie, who was glaring at the table.
"Sorry," Bella said before sliding into the chair next to Alice and placing her still full glass of wine on the table. "Everything looks really good."
"It's okay, Bella." Kate smiled, placing her hand under the table on Angela's knee. "You called to check on your mom, didn't you?"
She felt everyone's eyes shift to hers, including Rosalie's whose had softened, before she nodded.
"How is she doing?" Angela asked.
Bella blinked back her tears, but before she could reply, Jasper cleared his throat as he picked up his beer and raised it in front of him. "I'd like to propose a toast. To reconnecting. It's been way too long since we've been together."
"To reconnecting," everyone murmured, but while they each took sips of their drinks, Bella placed her on the table and leaned back in her chair.
As they filled their plates with barbeque chicken, potato salad, and cole slaw, she could feel the way everyone kept looking at her. She had never been good at hiding her emotions, especially with them. They'd been there in her darkest moment, tried to help where they could, but Bella refused to let them give up their futures, just because hers was gone.
"So," Rosalie said, drawing everyone's attention to her. Her eyes grew wide and her cheeks turned red as she slunk back in her chair. "Sorry, I didn't know what else to say. You know I don't like the quiet."
"You never did," Jasper quipped, placing his hand on the back of Bella's chair. "How's life in Tacoma, Rosalie?"
"Busy," she said, her eyes shifting to Bella for a moment. "I'm about to start an internship at Tacoma Methodist. Not really where I want to go, but they're offering me a spot in one of the best programs in the area, so . . ."
"Have you decided what you want to specialize in?" Angela asked.
Rosalie shrugged her shoulders. "Thinking neurology, but I don't know. How about you?"
"Maybe pediatrics. Just kind of want to get my feet wet, so to speak, and see what feels right."
"It's too early to be set in stone on anything," Carlisle added, and when Bella looked at him, he winked at her. "So, what do you do, Bella? Did you ever go back to school?"
"I, um, no, I didn't. I work as a receptionist at a small marketing firm in Seattle. I basically answer phones all day, but it pays the bills. Or most of them anyway."
"How about we don't talk about work?" Ben suggested, giving everyone a look. "Instead, how about a game of Truth or Dare?"
"Ben!" Alice scoffed, shaking her head. "Last time we all played Truth or Dare, Bella and I ended up walking down the highway in just our bra and panties, thanks to dickface," she added, gesturing to Edward, who grinned widely, "and almost got arrested."
"Almost, but you didn't, thanks to Bella talking him out of taking you in," Ben snickered, leaning over and kissing his wife's cheek. "I promise none of us will dare you to strip down and walk the highway. Come on, babe, you know you want to play."
Alice rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Fine, I'm in, but I swear to God, Ben, if you make me do something stupid, no sex for a month."
Ben's eyes widened, while everyone snickered under their breaths. Everyone, but Bella. "Babe!"
"I'm just saying," she said, shrugging her shoulders and looking around at everyone. "Well, are we playing?"
"Hell yeah!" Emmett guffawed, reaching across the table to high five Ben.
"We're in, as long as we don't have to eat another worm," Garrett added, placing his hand on Edward's chest. "He was puking for four days straight."
"Eww," Esme grimaced. "Carlisle and I are in."
Everyone turned and looked at Bella, including Jasper who tilted his head in her direction. "What do you say, Cricket?"
"I'm really tired," she murmured, shaking her head as she brought her hand up to the collar of her shirt, but when Rosalie scoffed, she rolled her eyes and stood up as she said, "You know what, Rosalie? Fuck you. I'm sorry that I'm such a horrible friend. I've kind of been busy the last three and a half years trying to keep my mother from burning our Goddamn house down!"
Bella pushed away from the table as she left all of them sitting there, gawking at her and walked back down to the edge of the water. Tears cascaded down her face, and she used her shoulder to wipe them away. Her chest ached and she had just turned to leave, head back to Bainbridge Island when she found Rosalie standing behind her.
"Not now, Rosalie, I can't do this right now."
"I'm sorry," she said, shrugging her shoulders.
"You're sorry?"
Rosalie nodded and looked away. "I missed you, Bella. I missed you so much, and . . . I guess I got a little too in my feelings, and let my anger get the best of me. This may surprise you, Bella, but I'm not the best as controlling my anger."
"No shit," she murmured. "You never were. Like when Royce King told everyone in the program that he fucked you in the backseat of his car, and you proceeded to talk about how his dick was so small, you could needed a microscope to see it, much less feel it."
Rosalie smiled. "God, he was an asshole."
"He was." Bella wrapped her arms around herself. "You have no idea how many times I almost called you."
"Why didn't you?" she asked, reaching for her, but when Bella stepped away from her, she sighed, "We all wanted to help you, Bella. All of us."
"You couldn't," she whimpered. "I buried my father, Rosalie, and I had to take care of my mom, you know? She spent a month in the hospital and then another in rehabilitation and occupational therapy just so she could function day to day. I couldn't afford to keep paying on the house, and the hospital bills, and the funeral costs, so I had to sell my childhood home and move my mom to Seattle. Then we lost that house after our landlord kept getting complaints from the neighbors about her screaming obscenities at their children. I thought moving to Bainbridge Island would be better for her, you know? I could commute back and forth to Seattle for work, and I hired a private home health service to take care of her during the day, but I'm exhausted all the time, Rosalie. All the time."
"Which is why you should have called us," Rosalie cried. "We would have been there to help, you know?"
"I know, but she's wasn't your problem, Rosalie," she sniffled.
"Well, Royce King wasn't your problem, but that didn't stop you from letting the air out of all of his tires, either," she argued.
"He deserved worse," Bella grumbled. "If Jay hadn't stopped me, I would have beat his ass into the ground, but he said I'd get expelled from the program."
Rosalie walked over and placing her hands on Bella's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. I just . . . I just missed you so much. I mean, you . . . you were the one who told me it was okay to let Emmett love me."
She smiled softly. "I'm surprised you and Emmett aren't married yet."
Rosalie dropped her hands from Bella's shoulder. "He's asked a few times, or ten."
"And you haven't said yes?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I want to, but, I don't know, Bella, I'm scared."
"Why are you scared?"
"Marriage is a big deal, and I don't know, we're just starting our careers, and what if we can't balance both?"
"What if you can?"
"You're starting to sound like Jasper."
She laughed, wiping her tears off her face. "Don't make my mistakes, Rosalie. Don't let him go."
"From what I see, Bella, you haven't let Jasper go any more than he's let you go." Rosalie placed her hand on the side of her face. "I am sorry, Bella, for letting my feelings get the best of me. I just missed you so much."
"I missed you, too, Ro."
Rosalie looked back at the house. "We'd better get back. Ben is insisting on playing Truth or Dare."
"I'll be up in a minute."
Giving her a look first, Rosalie simply nodded and headed back to the house. Bella wrapped her arms around herself and turned back to the water. In another life, she would have been up for anything, but the last few years had torn pieces of her soul away, leaving her broken. When she was a little girl, her mother would have been the one who held her together.
Renee had been the one who encouraged her to go into medicine, to become a doctor. Said the world was hers for the taking and she shouldn't let anyone, or anything keep her from succeeding. But that was before her father died and her mother was injured. Before Bella took on the responsibility no child should ever have to accept. Should she send her mother to a nursing home? Would her mother ever forgive her if she did? And would she and Jasper be able to have the life they had always dreamed of having? Or would they have to settle for the few days they were being allotted at Baker Lake?
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