I am
A/N Updating because apparently I did ep13 and 16 but not 19, I think it makes sense to finish the trio.
Sunnydale, California 2000
It was another nerve-wracking trek for Willow. The short distance between her dorm and Tara's never got any easier, especially as she was trying to stop the candle flame from going out. She cursed herself for not waiting, it would've been ten times easier just to light it when she got to Tara's room. But it was about the ambience, the feeling of warmth hitting her as she watched Tara's face light up. Yes, this was all some beautiful metaphor because it had to go well. Oz had just left and the tear stains were still drying, but she could think about Tara now. Properly, without being dragged down by some lingering thought that she was still tied to him. She was free.
A couple more minutes and you'll be there. Willow said to herself to keep her going. It was so dark out, maybe Tara was already asleep. No. She couldn't think like that. And here was the door. As she opened the building door and slipped inside, heat hit her almost immediately. Goddesses, this was hot. The candle most definitely wasn't helping. A thought flickered the back of her mind that what happened at Lowell house last week might be happening her, but she brushed it aside as she climbed the vine-free stairs. Tara, Tara, Tara. She chanted inside her head, the rhythm of it keeping her going.
Here it was. Tara's door. There wasn't much to it, it blended in with all the other plain doors in the hallway, but inside was something completely different, unique, special. Willow hesitated before knocking, was she shaking? Maybe a little. She was nervous, obviously that kind of comes with the territory of telling someone you love them. Hi, it's Willow here. Came to bring you this. She practiced but she cursed herself for being such a dork. It didn't matter what she said if Tara didn't love her back. Oh she so hoped Tara loved her back.
Her fist hit the door, it was a firm feeling, one of realness. This was definitely happening, no going back now. The door opened. Willow stood for a second in paralysed silence, the air was think and warm and couldn't meet Tara's eyes. "No candles?" She said, trying to lighten the density between them. "Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey." She looked down, she had to, she had no idea how this was going to go.
When Tara didn't say anything she crossed the threshold and handed her the candle, the little light flickering with every movement. She closed the door as Tara retreated further into the room, "Tara, I have to tell you..." She started.
"No, I-I understand. You... You have to be with the you l-love." Tara interrupted her with a turn of phrased she hadn't been expecting. She looked down at the candle again and smiled internally, even though Tara was convinced she was going to let her down.
Then she smiled outwardly, "I am." Tara's eyes flicked up so slowly Willow thought for a second this might be a dream. But her eyes were so bright, so ever-changing, turning leaves in the fall and colour-changing lip gloss. She had a hopeful glint.
"You mean..."
"I mean." There was shunt of her eyebrows, a flick of her lips as she told Tara everything in a look. "Okay?" Was she okay? How was this going? Good, not good. Get it together Rosenberg.
"Oh yes," Tara replied.
Willow stepped forward, inching towards the girl she loved, the girl she was great beyond measure. "I feel horrible about everything I put you through. And-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now."
"Right now?" Tara asked hopefully, her lips tingling thinking about what the 'making it up to her' meant. And blinking rather slowly like Willow was a cat she was trying to attract. She watched Willow nod and blew out the candle. This wasn't about apologies and it wasn't about either one of them making something up, this was about the both of the them, about what they could be now Willow was about to throw her sword into the flame.
The light went out, all but extinguished. Tara reached behind her to put the candle down, but she fumbled and Willow had to catch her. Alone in the dark - what were the going to get up to? Tara didn't know but she could guess. As Willow's hands held her forearms to steady her, and their eyes closed, they lips found each others'. This was different than any of the small petty kisses they had shared before now, this was deeper, more meaningful, full of love and promise. Tara held the side of Willow's face and took control, guiding their faces back together over and over again.
Willow halted for a moment and pulled herself back, "Tara I do mean it. I love you, do you know that?" She only asked because she'd heard the way Tara spoke about herself, she always looked down, or away, never forward. She didn't think much of herself.
But Tara had never been surer of anything in her life. "I know. I-I um I love you too." She said out loud, really out loud. For the first time. And she did, she really loved Willow. This was the first time she had loved anyone since her mother died. They kissed again, Willow pulling her in by the waist, but mostly letting Tara lead. The older girl seemed to know what she was doing, and boy was this good. It felt different now that they were here, past Oz, out to Buffy, in the world for everyone to see. There was nothing to hide anymore. Not Tara, not how she felt about Tara, not how she could act around Tara. Everything was falling into place.