"Where the Hell is that snake?" Ligur growled.
Hastur glared at the lizard demon, "I don't know! I can't locate him. He is doing some weird shit to hide his aura!"
The demons knocked loudly on Crowley's apartment door, but they didn't get any response. So, after a few unsuccessful attempts, Hastur just snapped his fingers and the door opened, letting the demons inside.
They however found the apartment empty of life, sans the green things, which started to shake as soon as they stepped into their room. As they were uninterested in the plants they quickly moved on.
They finally found Crowley's office, even if it was empty like the rest of the apartment, there might be some clues as to where the snake demon disappeared to.
The demon duo started to pull out drawers and opening cabinets. They found some documents, but it was mostly bills and some notes regarding raising Warlock Dowling, which they already knew that he was not the antichrist.
"For Hell's sake," Hastur raged, picked up a reddish box from the golden table and threw it against the wall, hitting a sketch of a woman.
Ligur frowned, "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what," Hastur growled.
Ligur walked to the hanging picture and examined it.
"It sounded weird, when you hit it with that thing," Ligure murmured and then his eyes widened.
Ligur turned to the white-haired demon with a smirk. And then grabbed the frame of the painting and pulled. The painting moved like a door, revealing a safe hidden behind it.
A few seconds later they opened the safe with the help of a miracle. To their disappointment there was only a tartan patterned thermos.
"What the Hell is this?" Hastur carefully unscrewed the cap.
He carefully peered inside and saw a clear liquid, but then the faint feeling of holiness hit him.
"It's Holy Water!" Hastur squealed and as he flinched, he almost dropped the thermos.
Ligur quickly grabbed Hastur's wrist with the cap and slammed it back on top of the thermos, so that it wouldn't spill on them, "Careful you idiot!"
"Where the fuck did he get Holy Water?" Hastur asked as feverishly tightened the cap back on, making sure it's secure.
"Hell if I know," grumbled Ligur, "Most likely that angel gave it to him."
Suddenly the phone on the table started to ring.
The demons looked at it and then at each other.
"Should we?" Ligur asked uncertainly.
But they didn't get the chance as the call went to voicemail.
"Crowley, I know where the Antichrist it," came Aziraphale's frustrated voice, but then it quickly cut out.
"Oh…?" Ligur came closer to the table, staring at the phone.
"Isn't that...?" Hastur asked.
"That angel Crowley is fraternizing with?" Ligur nodded, "It sure is."
Hastur smirked victoriously.
The demon duo teleported near the bookshop. They quietly observed the shop. They saw an older man leaving the shop, but that was it.
So, they decided to enter the shop.
"Hey, idiots!" called Hastur as he entered the shop, but like before, he was only met with silence.
"Nobody is here," Ligur frowned, "This is getting ridiculous, where are they?"
"I don't fucking care anymore," Hastur growled and conjured hellfire on his hand, "I will just make sure, that they really are not here. You know, like smoking out cockroaches."
And before Ligur could say anything, Hastur started to set books on fire.
After Hastur was satisfied, he cackled, "We can go back now. The Armageddon will happen whether we know where the Antichrist is or not."
And with that both demons teleported back to Hell.
- GO - GO - GO -
Crowley was weaving through the London traffic at his usual high speed. He tried to call Aziraphale again and again, but every time it just rang endlessly.
His Bentley finally stopped in its usual spot, but the sight was not what Crowley expected.
The bookshop was ablaze.
Crowley immediately got out of his car and swiftly walked towards the shop.
"Hey," called a firefighter, "Are you owner of this establishment?"
Crowley made a little sidestep to look at him, "Do I look like I run a bookshop?"
Then he turned back towards the door, ignoring the warning calls, and with a snap the door opened and closed again behind him.
"Aziraphale!" Crowley called and suddenly stopped.
This was not an ordinary fire. This was Hellfire. Hellfire wouldn't just discorporate an angel, but it would destroy them.
Panic quickly rose inside Crowley.
"Aziraphale, where the Heaven are you, you idiot?!" Crowley ran through the blazing bookshelves, trying desperately find the angel.
"Aziraphale, for God's…" yelled Crowley, "For Satan's… For somebody's sake, where are you?!"
Suddenly Crowley got a face full of water, sprayed on him from the firefighters trying to put out the fire. The blast was so strong it threw him to the ground.
For a few seconds Crowley just laid there, surrounded by hellish flames, letting the situation sink in. Aziraphale was gone. Gone forever, killed by some demon, Hastur most likely, as the white-haired demon seemed to have personal vendetta against Crowley.
Crowley slowly sat up.
"You are gone," he whispered quietly, as if nobody heard it, it wouldn't be true, but then rage filled him, "Somebody killed my best friend!"
"Bastards!" Crowley yelled in pain, "All of you!"
He was about to stand up, when he noticed a book, that seemed to escape the fire for now and it was in considerably better shape then the rest of Aziraphale's collection. The nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter.
He gingerly picked it up. Now he would have at least something of Aziraphale.
Crowley walked out of the blazing building, to door closing after him again.
He took of his sunglasses and looked at them, or what was left of them.
"I shouldn't litter, should I? I mean, I probably should, I am a demon after all," Crowley muttered absentmindedly, "But nobody is really keeping score anymore."
In the end he let the broken sunglasses fall to the ground and walked back towards his car.
He got in, and left the scene at considerably slower pace, than he arrived. His yes welled up with tears, so to hide it, he opened the glove department and got out identical sunglasses, opened them with his teeth and pushed them onto his nose.
- GO - GO - GO -
Crowley sat in a bar, drinking one shot after another. In the end he asked the waiter to just bring him the entire bottle, as it would be faster that way.
"Just why they couldn't get along?" Crowley choked back a sob as he downed another shot.
He grabbed the bottle and started to unscrew it, "They just had to try to beat the ever-existing shit out of each other… and now…"
He lifted the bottle to pour himself another glass, but then he changed his mind and put the bottle to his lips, drinking its contents hungrily. After he finished the whole bottle, he slumped on top of the table.
"I don't even care anymore," he murmured.
Then he felt something very faint nearby and his head snapped up.
"Aziraphale," he whispered as he recognized the aura.
And there he was, a really faint, but definitely there.
"Are you even here?" Crowley lifted his glasses to squint at the space in front of him.
"Uh, good question," Aziraphale said, "Not certain. I got discorporated and I have never done this before…"
"Discorporated?" Crowley asked, letting his glasses fall back down, "But how? There was Hellfire all over…"
"What Hellfire?" Aziraphale frowned.
But Crowley shook his head, not wanting Aziraphale to know that his bookshop is not there anymore just yet, "Nevermind what I said, what happened to you?"
"I tried to call someone from upper management and I accidentally stepped into the stream," Aziraphale confessed sheepishly, "I really made a mess of things, didn't I?"
Aziraphale sighed, "And you? Did you go to Alpha Centauri?"
Crowley shook his head, "Nah, I changed my mind. Stuff happened. I lost my best friend."
"I… I am sorry to hear that," Aziraphale consoled Crowley, but then he remembered, that they didn't have much time, "Listen, back in my bookshop, there's a book I need you to get."
Crowley's eyes widened. Now he couldn't hide it anymore. It will break Aziraphale's heart, but he has to tell him.
"Oh," Crowley looked sad, "Look, your bookshop, isn't there anymore."
Aziraphale's eyebrows rose, "Oh?"
"I'm really sorry. It burned down," Crowley said, "Someone burned it with Hellfire. I… I thought you were there and died."
Aziraphale sat there stunned. Now he realized why Crowley was so distraught.
"I am here, I am fine, well more or less," he said reassuringly then he sighed sadly, "Is really all of it gone?"
"Ngk," Crowley stammered, "Yeah. What… what was the book?"
"The one the young lady with the bicycle left behind," Aziraphale said, "The nice and accurate prophecies of…"
"Agnes Nutter!" Crowley exclaimed and lifted the book from his lap to show to Aziraphale, "Yes, I took it!"
"You have it?" Aziraphale looked hopeful.
"Look, souvenir!" Crowley pointed at the book.
"Look inside," Aziraphale encourage, "I made notes."
Crowley quickly looked inside as he listened to Aziraphale's instructions, "It's all in there. The boy's name, address. Everything else. I worked it all out."
Crowley pulled a map and looked at it.
"You need to get to Tadfield Air Base," instructed Aziraphale, "That's where it's all going to happen. Quite soon now. I'll head there too. I just need to find a receptive body. Harder than you'd think. Pity I can't inhabit yours."
Aziraphale smiled jokingly, "You know, angel, demon… It would probably explode."
"Yeeah," Crowley nodded and looked back down on the map.
"I will meet you at Tadfield," Aziraphale started to fade, "But we're both gonna have to get a bit of a wiggle-on."
"Huh," looked up, but Aziraphale was now more of an echo, "Tadfield Air Base."
"I hear that, it was the wiggle on…" said Crowley, but there was nothing there anymore.
He looked around confused. Then he took a deep breath and sobered up. Then he grabbed the book, left some money and left for Tadfield.
Crowley really tried to speed away like he always did, but he got stuck in a traffic jam.
"And it's official, the biggest traffic jam in England's history," came cheerful voice from the radio.
"No kidding," Crowley murmured as he turned off the radio, "Stupid M25. And stupid me for designing that thing!"
Then he growled and switched to the side lane. Finally, he could make some ground. Soon the hellish flames came into view. As soon as Crowley saw them, he stepped on gas even more.
"It will be fine, it will be fine," he murmured as if it was a mantra, grabbing his glasses of his face and throwing them onto the back seat.
As the car entered the fire, Crowley laughed maniacally.
"If you gonna go, go with style," he exclaimed.
The car around him groaned.
"You are my car," Crowley grunted, "I've had you from new. You are not going to burn. Don't even think of it."
After what seemed like eternity, the car exited the fire. There was a police car on the other side, with a man and a woman, to whom Crowley giddily waved and continued on his way.
It took Crowley about half a hour, and he got a bit lost, but finally he arrived at the air base.
The Bentley stopped with a screech.
Crowley climbed out of the car with Agnes' book in hand and looked at sergeant Shadwell with red head woman, from which he sensed Aziraphale's angelic aura.
"You wouldn't get that sort of performance from a modern car," he said proudly.
"Crowley," said Aziraphale in madame Tracy's body.
"Hey Aziraphale!" Crowley grinned and walked towards them, "I see you found a ride. Nice dress. Suits you."
Shadwell stepped in front of madame Tracy and looked Crowley up and down.
Crowley stiffened when Shadwell look him in the eyes.
"So, you really are a demon," he said frowning, "But Mr. Fell said you are a good demon and you are here to help us, so I will let it go. But I want to talk later."
Crowley nodded, then Aziraphale grabbed his arm and whispered, "This young man won't let us in."
"Leave it to me," the demon whispered back and walked closer to the soldier, "Army human, my friends and I have come a long way and…"
Suddenly the gate opened, the soldier looked at them confused, "Which one of you did that?"
Just then four kids on bikes rode past them and Crowley immediately recognized demonic aura coming from one of the boys.
"T-that's him!" he pointed at Adam.
The soldier tried to run after the children, "Those kids are in big trouble… and so are you people. Don't move!"
They further argument was interrupted by the Bentley exploding.
Stunned Crowley walked towards the remnants of his car, then fell to his knees.
"Ninety years and not a scratch," he said still not believing his eyes, "Now look at you."
Aziraphale wanted to give the demon some space, but the soldier was literally pointing a gun at them. So, the angel quickly ran to Crowley to snap him out of his stupor, "Crowley, he's got a gun. Do something!"
"I am having a moment here," Crowley snapped at Aziraphale.
Aziraphale was getting frustrated, "Crowley! I am the nice one. You can't expect me to do the dirty work."
But Crowley didn't move.
Shadwell pointed his finger at the soldier, "I'm going to count to three, ten I'm going to use my finger."
The soldier was visibly irritated and shouted at them: "Ma'am, I'm giving you all five seconds to vacate this area!"
Aziraphale rolled his eye and briskly walked to Shadwell and the soldier. Then he snapped his fingers while still behind the witchfinder sergeant and the soldier disappeared, having been teleported away by the angel.
Shadwell looked at his finger in awe and Aziraphale clicked his tongue in annoyance, only now realizing, that Shadwell didn't see him doing the miracle and still believing he had some power.
"Rest in peace," Crowley was finally ready to face the world as he picked up the crank from his car and kissed it, "You were a good car."
"Nice work on the soldier," Crowley praised Aziraphale when he got to him.
"Oh, I do hope I haven't sent him somewhere unpleasant," Aziraphale looked concerned.
They noticed some army cars full of soldiers driving around.
"Oh. Okay," Crowley looked around, "I need to get over the car thing. I will deal with them."
"Never fear laddie," Shadwell encouraged Crowley, "I've got a finger."
"You may need to brandish your weapon, Sergeant Shadwell," Aziraphale said to the witchfinder seriously.
Aziraphale walked swiftly after Crowley, "We re here to lick some serious butt."
"Kick, Aziraphale. It's kick butt," Crowley quickly corrected the angel, "For Heaven's sake."
As soon as the words left his mouth he reeled.
"Oh, I can't believe I just said that," Crowley shuddered.
They quickly disposed of the squadron that they saw and stole one of their cars.