I started out
On the wrong foot
Now I'm not myself
I am Jekyll, I am Hyde
Found this place to hide
Come seek me
Oh, so up and down
So back and forth
So insecure
Can't get this taste out of my mouth
Swallow it down
Pretend
Hold it, hold it all in
Let it build up
Build a bomb
Blow it, blow it away
Clear it all out
Just end it
I'm just a normal person
Without those problems
When did it change?
A comforting lie can't last
Honestly he couldn't fathom why he was here. The entire concept of leave from action was completely alien. Even the weeks he'd spent recuperating from being marooned on Kamino after the bombing had been filled with exercise and a strict training regimen.
It couldn't possibly be because he was missing the comradery of his squad. Rampart had not been wrong when he remarked that the clones around him kept disappearing but there were still plenty of regs among the ranks or there would be unless or until that defense bill got passed.
So, why was it that Crosshair was sitting in a shadowy booth staring into the contents of a foaming mug of ne'tra gal at the galactic capital's most infamous clone targeted night club? That was simple, because he was waiting for the orders to go on his next mission. That and the speech that the little blue-skinned senator was giving to the bar's other patrons might prove interesting.
"That's why I'm here, to better understand your needs," she implored.
"I need to stay a trooper. Can you make that happen?"
Crosshair snorted and raised his drink in mock salute.
"Well, no, but once a clone has completed the required rotations…"
"Yeah, the Empire declares us obsolete. We know. Talking won't change that."
"But it can change your futures. I can craft a pension plan…"
"Pension plan? I'd rather be out there fighting those insurgent groups that keep popping up."
Crosshair tossed back the rest of his ale and mumbled, "You and me both."
He slipped out of the booth and left the establishment, signaling for transport back to the barracks. He didn't want to hear about what the senate intended to do with them all once they were too old to fight.
Maybe that was why they had all decided to get out before the empire forced them out: Cut, Cody, Hunter and the others. But what was it Tech had said all those months ago? "Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you."
And Cody had said that they could make their own decisions because they weren't dumb clankers.
Well, Crosshair hoped they were all happy with their choices. He was just bored with nothing to kill the time.
Arriving, back in his room, he plopped down onto his bunk and reached for his datapad. If he was Tech he could while away the hours searching the holonet for pointless information. And why not? He had nothing better to do. Perhaps he'd see if someone of his average intelligence could locate the clone genius in a few taps of the keys.
What he discovered in only a quick inquiry had him sitting back up on the edge of his bed. There in an image from a couple of months previously in a Safa Toma Speedway riot race was an entire stadium cheering the name of his dear brother.
Tech waved to the crowd from the cockpit of a modified racing speeder and in the background Wrecker and the kid hurried out onto the track to meet him.
Crosshair amended the search so that he could view the entire race. Tech could have been killed in this meaningless spectacle or at the very least invited the wrong kind of attention to their whereabouts! Even so, he had to admit, it was an exciting demonstration of speed and dexterity.
He smiled in spite of himself and then immediately returned to his regular scowl as he refined the search again to try to ascertain if there was a way the present location of the members of the squad could be tracked from this event. It didn't seem to be possible but he didn't possess the same hacking abilities of his now holonet famous brother.
Hunter must have been furious when he learned of the carelessness. And that made Crosshair wonder if there had been any other occurrences of such disregard.
There was a method that Tech sometimes used to search for facial recognition which was impossible when generally searching for a single clone out of millions but if the program focused on the hairline of an individual and the goggles that the individual always wore…
Another image came up in Crosshair's search much too quickly for his liking. The time stamp was several months before the riot race, even before Crosshair had lured the rest of his squad to Kamino. Again there was Tech among the crowd of a sporting event, this time sitting in the stands to observe a limmie match with Wrecker and the child also in attendance.
In the recording Tech was holding the hand of a young woman and gazing at her intently.
" Our very own Genna Carid! " The announcer's voice boomed and the young woman waved diffidently at the cam with her free hand. This was followed by a series of images of the same young woman playing the sport they had come to spectate.
She had evidently been a star player for University of Onderon before the end of the war and that planet seemed to be where Tech and the others had made her acquaintance. If an acquaintance was all she was. They were staring at each other like Cut and Suu.
Well, Crosshair certainly had enough time to consider the possibility. It wasn't until a full standard day later when he found out along with the rest of the galaxy that Rampart had been arrested for ordering the attack on Kamino and it would be even longer until they figured out the shabbed up order of authority and a random nat born officer got around to assign him to a new mission.
A series of forgettable missions followed over the next few weeks and months but Crosshair was at least glad he had a job to do for the empire to which he had dedicated his service. And then the day came when another fresh faced imperial called CT-9904 into his office on seemingly more important matters.
The subject of the interview was the report Crosshair had filed after the mission on Desix and he worried that the reason for the overview of the event might be the disappearance of Clone Commander Cody. Instead the officer shuffling through flimzi docs and datapads asked, "What was it that former Governor Ames had to say about her Separatist colleagues?"
Crosshair relaxed slightly, if this was about routing out holdouts from the war he was all in. "She only mentioned one by name, a Senator Mina Bonteri."
"Yes." More files were sorted quickly until the proper document was produced. "Bonteri was the Senator for Onderon when that planet seceded from the Republic."
Onderon. Crosshair had visited that planet more than once. "I was under the impression that the Senator was killed by Dooku himself."
"That is the story that circulated." The officer finally looked up at him. "But she also had a son who was instrumental in bringing that system back under the control of the Republic prior to the end of the war."
"So Onderon was naturally still under control at the formation of the Empire." Crosshair was sure he knew now where this was all leading but he played along with the dialogue.
"One would like to think so." The young man tapped his stylus on the desktop and smirked with the air of one who had successfully connected the dots. "You see, young Bonteri was not the only one to fight for the liberation of his planet. He had accomplices of his own of whom I know you are perfectly well aware."
"Saw Gerrera." He grated the name between his teeth.
"You have been sent on two missions after the malefactor? Is that correct?"
"I was ordered to stand down on the first attempt and although I was sent back the second time and succeeded in carrying out the mission, Gerrera was no longer on the planet with the rest of the insurgents."
"We don't believe he is there at this time either."
The officer focused back on his flimziwork for a moment and Crosshair took a breath.
"There's been an uptick in smuggling around the Inner Rim as well. Someone is financing civil unrest, and Gerrera is a top suspect."
Perhaps Gerrera was taking the heat for a band of rogue clones. Crosshair dismissed the thought.
The young officer was still talking. "Anything you can tell me about him would be useful. I'm taking a squad to Onderon to investigate."
This boy expected to lead soldiers? Crosshair felt like he was babysitting just being in the room with him. "Anything I know is listed in my report. Like I said, I only saw him for a few moments."
"All we can ask for is your best recollection." An actual adult entered the room, a mustached man wearing a colonel's rank badge. "Thank you, Commander … Crosshair, is it?"
"Yes sir." He hedged. Most natborns didn't bother with his name.
"This should be most useful. Officer Kallus, shall we prepare a briefing?"
"Yes sir!" Young Kallus echoed and shook Crosshair's hand at the colonel's instruction before they dispersed.
All in all, it wasn't the worst visit to headquarters but he wasn't inclined to hang around. Crosshair took a back stairwell in hopes of avoiding other people.
It wasn't to be. A few flights down another agent was berating a teenage girl wearing the same uniform as Officer Kallus.
"I don't understand how you managed to graduate, since you can't do anything right," he spat.
"I'm sorry, sir." The girl flinched and her hair swished just enough for Crosshair to spot finger marks on her neck.
So that's how this was. Crosshair felt a familiar, contemptuous sneer take form. He knew this type of officer, the men who looked down on anyone they deemed lesser than themselves. As terribly as they treated their subordinates, like this girl here, they treated clones worse.
Would it be so bad to rid the galaxy of one such man? It would be so easy to get a bead on him, and the girl wouldn't mind. It would be the work of a moment.
He caught himself a heartbeat before he reached for his holster. This wasn't his business.
…
Genna paused a moment in her stride and placed a hand on her belly causing her companion to also come to an immediate halt.
"Are you alright? Do you want to head back to the transport?" Shara asked her with an extra air of concern.
"No, I'm fine." Genna waved her off. "Just my little clones rearranging themselves. I think the walk will do us all some good after being cooped up in that med center all morning being poked and prodded."
The extra testing had been arranged by Doctor Niamh to take place in Iziz since she didn't have all of the same equipment up north. But so far all of the results had come back normal so there was every indication that the delivery would be able to go as scheduled on Blackhold Isle.
"Well, if you get tired out or feel any pain or discomfort…"
"I remember what the nurses said, Aunt Shara." Genna rolled her eyes and resumed her forward momentum. "Besides I thought you wanted to see the sights of your old hometown as much as I did."
"That is true, but not to the detriment of your health or the twins'." The older lady fell into step beside her.
"One thing I do not remember is the city of Iziz being so kri-," she stopped herself just in time before finishing the profanity. "so darned hot."
Shara laughed politely. "That comes of spending so much time up north and becoming used to the chill." Then she changed the subject. "What would you like to see while we have the afternoon?"
"I'd love to go out to the orchard." Genna knew Shara would as well. Not only because she and her father had been the owners of the land before Genna and her brothers purchased it but also because she had heard so much about the new owners, a togruta family, and in particular their young nieces, from her eldest son.
They both knew however that they simply didn't have the time.
"How about Dalla's museum?" Shara suggested. "She's always going on about how hard she works to procure the finest pieces for display. And it would be climate controlled."
Genna was about to protest but thankfully didn't have to.
"Or that probably isn't a place that was particularly special to you when you lived here." Shara considered. "How about the university campus? You did attend there for a year, if I am correct?"
"I did but…" Genna looked up and down the road with a sigh. "I think I'd really just like to walk around Malgan Market."
"Of course." Shara laid a hand on her arm with a smile. "I haven't been to the marketplace in an absolute age."
"Genna," she asked after they had gone on a ways, "is that where you and Tech met?"
"It was." Genna was rubbing her belly again as she walked. "He and his brothers came to the fruit stand and…"
They passed by a couple of patrolling Imperial soldiers in their identical white armor and Genna tensed. It was nothing like the armor the Batch had worn, in fact it gave her a feeling more like the legions of droids that had once marched through her beloved city, a faceless invading army.
Aunt Shara was still speaking to her. "I'm sure we'll be able to get word to him."
Could they? Did she want to? Part of her wanted to punish him for the months-long radio silence.
"I didn't want him to worry," Genna mumbled.
"Well, now that you're so close and you have a date set for the cesarean section. Maybe you could send a message by his brother who came to visit?"
"Echo's on a separate mission. He's not traveling with them now or at least he wasn't," she said distractedly. But even her last contact with Echo had been several months ago now. She had no idea if he had met up with the others and passed on the news she had asked him not to share.
"Genna, are you alright?"
"Yes, of course," she nodded. It was then that she noticed another soldier in dark armor with a sinister looking rifle slung across his back. He seemed to be paying her far more attention than the plain troopers.
"Maybe it would be a good idea to get back to the transport."
…
When Crosshair first saw the girl his initial thought was that she must have swallowed a planet. Her belly was huge and he was sure that was the reason she had attracted his notice, especially when she laid a hand on the round bulge and stopped in her tracks.
The clone had a moment of panic that he was about to be called on to recall the lesson he had flashlearned back on Kamino about emergency field medicine and human labor and delivery. Then he remembered that there was a medical center within close proximity and that at the worst he might have to carry the girl to the professionals and let them do the dirty work.
But she straightened again and seemed to be breathing normally and what was that she said? "Just my little clones rearranging themselves."
Who referred to their natural born children as clones?
Crosshair took a closer look at the girl. There was something vaguely familiar about her appearance although he hadn't the slightest idea why that should be so.
Stealthily he followed the girl and her middle aged companion. It wasn't like he had anything better to do until the little ISB agents decided they were done with their investigation of the Onderonian criminal element.
He lost the thread of the women's conversation for a stretch until he heard the elder blonde suggest, "How about Dalla's museum?"
Crosshair had been there almost a standard year before. He had been checking into the connection the woman, or girl really, Dalla Blackwell, had with the rebels Lux Bonteri and Saw Gerrera since she had known both of them during the war. She had obviously broken ties with them if a certain defaced flimsi holostill and the story of an incident at a funeral were to be believed.
Perhaps he should have told Officer Kallus about the meeting but it was in his report. They would investigate as they saw fit.
And then his attention was caught again by the older woman's words. "How about the university campus? You did attend there for a year, if I am correct?"
"I did but…" the girl responded with a sigh and another memory was highlighted in Crosshair's mind.
That holovid he had viewed of the Onderonian university limmie match, his brother had been sitting with a girl, holding her hand. This couldn't be that same " Our very own Genna Carid! "
Then against all odds the woman said, "Genna, is that where you and Tech met?"
"It was." The girl was rubbing her belly again as she walked. "He and his brothers came to the fruit stand and…"
Crosshair stood stupefied, listening.
"I'm sure we'll be able to get word to him."
Were they no longer in contact? Some sort of plan double zero instituted for her safety? It's what he would have done if he'd been irresponsible enough to knock up a civilian.
"I didn't want him to worry," Genna mumbled.
Did his brother even know he was going to be a father?
"Well, now that you're so close and you have a date set for the cesarean section. Maybe you could send a message by his brother who came to visit?"
"Echo's on a separate mission. He's not traveling with them now or at least he wasn't," she said distractedly.
And Echo was no longer with the squad? She obviously had no idea of their whereabouts. She couldn't be interrogated for the information but if Tech still had feelings for this girl and discovered news of her capture…
"Yes, of course." The girl, Genna, looked directly at him and Crosshair saw the color drain from her face. "Maybe it would be a good idea to get back to the transport."
He let them go unaccosted and faded back into the crowded Iziz street but Crosshair could not unhear what he had just heard. His brothers had a reason to return to the planet Onderon and it had nothing to do with Saw Gerrera.
…
Crosshair heard the click and felt it under his boot.
"Pressure mine," Mayday stated the obvious.
"Mm-hmm."
"What were you saying about deadweight?"
"Do you know how to disarm it?"
"I'm not an explosives expert, but since I don't feel like carrying your body back to the outpost," He removed his helmet. "I guess I'll give it a shot."
Crosshair had always thought this was the sort of moment he was supposed to see his short life flash before his eyes. The funny thing was the memory that came to his mind just then was of the civilian girl on Onderon carrying a new life or perhaps more than one since she and the other woman had been speaking of the babies as plural.
Mayday blew some of the snow away to get a better look. "Hmm. This mine's a little different than the ones I've seen before, but I'm pretty sure they're all the same. Guess we'll find out soon enough, huh?"
He wasn't really listening, in fact it might be a good thing for Crosshair to just die right here. The knowledge of his brothers' contacts, their weaknesses, would die here with him.
Mayday began to work, keeping up his steady monologue. "I wish I had the proper equipment for this, but the Empire's ignored all my requests. I've learned to improvise though. I guess all clones have had to since the war. Can't say I ever thought much about the war ending…" he sighed, "until it did."
Yes, Crosshair thought, his own death would ensure the safety of the others. It was almost like that plan they had discussed as a last resort.
"What unit were you with?" Mayday looked up scratching his beard.
The question demanded an answer. "It doesn't matter."
"Humor me. I could use the distraction."
If they were both about to die, it was of little consequence. "Clone Force 99."
"What happened to them?"
"They're… gone."
"And here we are, the survivors. Hmm. Combat troopers stuck babysitting cargo shipments."
Babysitting . Crosshair almost smiled beneath his helmet. "Mission's a mission."
"Yeah, I used to say the same thing." The clone double checked his work. "There. That should do it."
Crosshair began to move. Either it would all be over or…
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't pick up your foot yet. Wait until I tell you, then lift it, but real slow like. I'll wait around the bend. If I don't hear a boom, then I'll know it worked."
"Glad you're confident in your work."
"Oh I'm confident. I'm just not stupid. Remember, nice and slow. On the count of three. One. Two. Three."
Slowly, he lifted his foot and… it seemed that CT-9904 would live to fight another day.
The mine may have been successfully disarmed, but Crosshair still had the feeling that there was another bomb inside of him, just waiting to go off.