Metallover's Self Insert Adventure Book 3 - Blunt Force Trauma

by metallover

SI. OC. AU. Valm is finally invading! It's up to the Shepherds and the newly minted Ylissean Royal Army to stem the tide and push back against Walhart's tyranny. But after the damage that our intrepid Self Insert, Ben, has done to the relationships among the Shepherds, can they pull it off? Part 3 of Metallover's Self Insert Adventure begins! Bring on the trauma!

14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

WARNING: This chapter contains lemony-goodness towards the end. Y'all have been warned.

---

I sighed as I scribbled my chicken-scratch scrawl of a signature on another requisition form, passing the pile off into the 'out' pile on my desk before groaning and bonelessly leaning back in my chair. I had no idea where Robin and Gaila kept getting these stupid things from. The simple fact that the entirety of the forest to the south of Ylisstol hadn't been cut down just to make requisition forms amazed me at this point.

And there were so many forms to fill out before I went back to Baham.

And promises of bodily harm if I didn't get them done.

"I regret giving those two women so much control over my life," I said to the ceiling.

"Mreow."

I quirked up, blinking a few times. Thinking Archer might finally have gone senile, I leaned down to check under my desk, but the big dog was nowhere to be seen. Gaila was off working with Olivia, too, bundling up some excess cloth for uniforms that had gotten away from the dancer-

"Meow."

I glanced back over my shoulder to the window behind me, and my eyes widened in delight.

"Kitty," I whispered raptly.

There, sitting on my open windowsill like he owned the place, was a tan and brown tabby cat looking at me expectantly.

"Hello, kitty," I said softly, turning in my chair. "Hello, mister kitty! Who's a mister kitty? You are! Yes you are!"

"Mreow."

I smirked a little, slowly reaching up to the cat so I didn't startle him. He froze for a moment, but rather than move right to trying to pet the thing I let my hand hover in front of his face for a moment. The tabby leaned forward and gave me a cursory sniff, and for a moment I was worried he'd catch Archer's scent and claw me, but the cat clearly decided I was alright and began to nuzzle my hand.

"Oh my god I love you," I whispered.

The cat responded by purring and mashing its face into my hand a little harder as I started rubbing behind its ears.

I was starting to think this little guy wasn't actually a stray. He was far too friendly. Either that, or the soldiers around the barracks had been very accommodating for the little fella.

Not that I was complaining either way.

I had a kitty to play with.

I loved cats just as much as dogs, although the felines weren't as domesticated in Ylisse, so I didn't often get the chance to just relax and pamper a cat the way I did with Archer.

I shifted in my chair until my back was to my room, leaning forward and beginning to scratch under the cat's jaw with both hands.

The way the cat leaned up with its eyes closed and purred actually reminded me of someone…

"Aw. I think I'm gonna call you… Su'ko," I said with a grin.

The cat didn't respond, simply continuing to purr under the ministrations of my fingers. However, I heard a subtle shift and sigh behind me, and I couldn't help but chuckle softly as I glanced over my shoulder.

Su'ko, my new feline best friend's namesake, stood in the middle of my office as if by magic. She actually had her arms crossed as she sunk to a hip, and a very slight frown on her face.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," I chuckled, going back to the cat. "You just… remind me of a cat, sometimes. Always have. I don't know what it is."

There was a moment of silence, in which I continued to pamper the cat, before Su'ko surprised me when she spoke of her own volition for the first time that week.

"Milord, do you… like cats?" she asked hesitantly.

"I do," I admitted. "I think they're adorable. But I'm not picky. I like all animals."

I glanced up over my shoulder, smiling at her.

"You wanna try petting him?" I asked. "He seems pretty friendly."

Su'ko's frown turned thoughtful, and she slowly dropped her arms to her side. Giving a small, jerky nod, the young ninja crept forward.

The cat froze as it noticed Su'ko starting to move, but I shushed him and got his attention back with some well-placed scratches which had him purring into my hand again. Soon, Su'ko was at my shoulder, leaning down and resting her hands on her thighs as she marveled at the cat. I glanced over at her again, leaning back.

"Hold your hand out, slowly, but don't try to touch him just yet," I told her.

She nodded, doing as I instructed. The cat shot me a dirty look when I stopped petting it, but quickly turned to Su'ko as she held her hand up to it. Deciding that it wanted more cuddles, the cat immediately bopped its head into Su'ko's outstretched hand and continued purring.

"Aw, he likes you!" I grinned.

Su'ko surprised me, then, for the second time that day when she broke into a warm, broad smile.

And I don't mean her usual 'slight quirk of the mouth' smile.

I mean Su'ko, my kuudere little ninja girl, was grinning and petting a cat like a normal girl her age might.

I was so shocked that I actually stared for a good few seconds before I remembered to actually close my mouth.

"What?" she asked, without looking up from the cat.

"What-what?" I shot back.

"You are staring," she pointed out mildly.

"No I'm not."

"You were."

"Semantics," I scoffed.

"What?" she repeated.

"Ugh. You just looked… surprisingly cute when you smiled."

Su'ko continued to pet the cat, but I didn't miss the faint blush that colored her cheeks and crawled up her neck.

I chuckled again as she huffed, and I leaned back in my chair to just watch.

It made me feel a little bad, honestly; the idea that this young woman, this girl, in the prime of her life, was a killer. That I was expecting her to be a soldier, a killer, at such a young age.

Okay, it made me feel a lot bad.

"You know," I said, slowly. "If you ever wanted to take a break, I wouldn't stop you."

"I am your guard, milord," she answered automatically. "My place is by your side."

"So you keep saying," I sighed. "But… don't you ever want more than just following me around all day? Don't you want a life? Find a man, settle down, have some kids? Train some followers, or whatever it is you scary ninjas do? I dunno, I just feel bad… like I'm keeping you prisoner or something."

Su'ko went still, and the cat glanced up at her, eyes narrowed in irritation. After a moment she began stroking the cat's head again.

"Are you dissatisfied with my service, milord?" she asked in a small voice.

"Quite the contrary," I shrugged. "You do a perfect job."

"So why are you trying to be rid of me?" she asked.

"I don't want to get rid of you," I sighed. "It's just… I feel bad. You're just a kid, and here you are stuck in an army and… and…"

"I am not an innocent," she all bust whispered. "I have taken life before. I fight, I serve you, milord, so that other girls need not walk the path I have. Please, milord. Do not send me away."

"Alright, alright, stop with the kicked puppy routine," I sighed. "That's a better reason than why I'm doing this, for god's sake…"

Su'ko glanced sideways at me, her head tilted curiously.

"I got caught up and just went with the flow," I shrugged, grinning again.

She actually snorted at that, smiling again.

"Yes, that does sound like you," she chuckled softly. "Although, I am grateful you were."

"Flatterer," I huffed.

We sat in companionable silence for a time, the only sound in the room the soft purring of the stray cat, and I found myself simply zoning out as I watched the scene before me with a small smile on my face. It was nice, getting to just relax like this every now and then, and seeing Su'ko finally comfortable enough to do the same.

A thought occurred as I watched the young ninja, and I couldn't help but give voice to it.

"You know, I've never thanked you," I told her.

Su'ko glanced up at me again, confusion evident on her face.

"For everything you've done, and everything you do for me," I explained.

"You need not thank me for doing my duty, milord," she said, shaking her head slightly.

"No," I agreed. "But you go well above and beyond your duty, protecting me and serving me the way you do. So. Thank you."

Su'ko blushed again, and she quickly turned back to the cat.

"When…" she started, trailing off.

"When my grandmother selected me for your service," Su'ko went on after a moment. "It was in full knowledge of the rumors of your… promiscuity."

"Oh for fuck's sake," I groaned, running a hand down my face.

"I was told to do whatever you said," she went on, grinning a little at my curse. "To do… whatever you asked. To offer you my body without resistance, if I needed to."

"You're a little young for me," I deadpanned.

Su'ko shook her head.

"I was confused at first," she admitted. "After everything I had heard, and been told about you. All you did was work. Train. Prepare."

"And then you realized the rumors were very overexaggerated, right?" I asked.

"A little," she smirked.

"Oy," I deadpanned.

"I am glad, milord," she chuckled. "To be in your service. To fight at your side. You are a good and honorable man, and I am honored to serve."

"Alright, alright, enough brown-nosing," I sighed. "You're gonna make me blush."

"I speak only the truth, milord," she said.

"Blegh," I said, blowing her a raspberry.

Su'ko giggled, blowing my mind for a third time that day, but before I could process this the door to my office swung wide, and Gaila came sauntering in. The door smacked against the wall, and the stray cat jumped, running off along the ledge outside my window and leaping down to one beneath it.

"Woo! You would not believe what a pain in the arse that was!" Gaila groaned.

"You bitch, you scared the cat!" I snapped.

"What?" she asked, stopping in her tracks.

Su'ko and I both glared at her, and Gaila actually shrank back against the combined might of our ire.

"Um… sorry?" my assistant said, clearly lost.

"Nope, fuck you," I growled. "I won't forgive you until you come over here, sit on this windowsill, and purr for us."

Gaila blinked at me a few times, before shaking her head.

"I charge extra for that."

---

I blinked a few times as I stepped out into the light of the common room a few hours after the touching little heart-to-heart I'd had with Su'ko, thinking to myself that I should probably get some better lighting in my office before I went totally blind. Elle was bent over the small table in the middle of the room, artfully arranging a tray of biscuits and scones for morning tea, and I smiled a little as I watched her work.

My reverie was short-lived, though, when Archer went barreling past my legs towards the tray.

Elle just glanced at the dog, and his arse hit the floor, the old mutt skidding to a stop at her feet.

"You have got to teach me how to do that," I chuckled.

"It comes with practice," Elle deadpanned. "He's lucky he's so well-trained. And cute."

"I'll agree on well-trained, but the Boss is hardly what I'd call 'cute', maid," Gaila laughed, brushing past me.

The former pirate practically fell into my favorite chair, her booted feet thudding softly onto the polished top of the table as she got comfortable.

I quirked a brow at Elle, who just shrugged.

"You don't pay me enough to deal with soldiers and pirates," the maid shrugged.

"Ex-pirates," Gaila corrected.

Elle and I both rolled our eyes at the same time, eliciting a girlish giggle from my young maid when she noticed. I smirked and shook my head.

"Where's my kid?" I asked her, changing the subject.

"Oh, she's-" Elle started.

"You rang?"

I spun, seeing Noire smirking as she leaned against the wall behind me. I blinked a few times, processing this turn of events.

"Not the one I was looking for, but you're definitely on the list," I shrugged.

Then I gave a high-pitched squeal, rushed up to her and pulled her into a tight bear-hug. Noire laughed, hugging me back, and I actually picked her up and spun her around a few times.

"Nice to see you, too, Dad," Noire chuckled when I finally put her down.

I gripped the sides of her face, pulling her head down to place a kiss on her forehead.

"I missed you, baby-girl," I told her, stepping back.

Noire blushed under the attention, smiling broadly as she skipped up and placed a kiss of her own on my cheek. Up near my eye, so she could avoid the beard.

"Although, I was looking for your younger self," I told her, frowning thoughtfully.

"Oh, she was with…" Noire began, trailing off as she looked at something behind me.

I spun, feeling an instinctive jolt of fear as I beheld my daughter clutched in the hands of her mother.

"Tharja," I managed to say, without my voice breaking.

"Ben," she didn't-quite-growl.

Baby-Noire, oblivious to the tension in the room, squealed happily as she spotted me.

"Hello, sweetie," I said, smiling at my daughter.

"H-hello, mother," Big-Noire said.

As she spoke, the future-Noire shuffled ever-so-slightly behind me.

Clearly, the trauma of her mother's magical experiments in the future was still there.

There was a moment of awkward silence, in which Archer crept up to Tharja, sniffing towards Noire. The Mage actually hissed at my dog, and he yelped, moving to hide behind me with Big-Noire.

I frowned, locking eyes with Tharja for a moment before sighing.

"Well, welcome back," I said. "How were things up north?"

"What do you care?" she spat.

Noire burbled, and Tharja automatically bounced the child a few times on her hip.

"You are the mother of my child, of course I care," I sighed, shaking my head.

Cleary, she wasn't planning to make this easy on me.

Fortunately, we were saved from any further awkwardness when…

"Fuck!" Noire squealed in Tharja's arms.

There was a totally new kind of silence now, in which both big-Noire and Archer very quickly moved away from me. Noire made sense, but clearly the dog was far smarter than I gave him credit for. Tharja slowly glanced down at the giggling child in her arms, then up at me, then back at her child.

Then, without even looking, she lifted her hand and zapped me with a bolt of purple lightning.

"Argh! Motherfucker!" I yelped.

"Fuck!" Noire laughed.

"You cretin," Tharja hissed, glaring at me now. "How dare you!?"

"She was bound to pick it up sooner or later!" I shot back.

Tharja snarled, lifting her free hand again. I squeaked and grabbed big-Noire by the arm, the girl giving an identical squeak as I pulled her in front of me.

"Blood and thunder, dad! Really!?" she shrieked.

"She likes you!" I reasoned.

"It won't stop me!" Tharja hissed.

She loosed another bolt of lightning, and Noire and I both yelped as the charge passed through my daughter and into me.

"Blood and thunder, mom!" Noire snarled.

"Fuck!" baby-Noire laughed happily.

Tharja began to hiss what was either some sort of Plegian cussing or an eldritch curse, but she was forestalled when baby-Noire, clearly thinking we were all playing, reached up and yanked on a hank of Tharja's hair. The Dark Mage gave a frustrated sigh, her spell fizzling out as she tugged the lock of hair from her daughter's tiny iron grip.

"No," Tharja said firmly.

"Ah!" baby-Noire laughed.

I chanced a peek out over big-Noire's shoulder, still using my now very incensed daughter as a human shield, and began to wonder where the hell my bodyguard was. I glanced around, looking back over my shoulder in time to see the corner of Su'ko's head disappear back behind the corner she was hid against.

"Su'ko, you coward!" I called. "Some bodyguard you are!"

The young ninja's pale and terrified face glanced back around the corner, Archer's head doing the same about two feet below, and I narrowed my gaze at both of them.

Tharja, hair now free of her daughter's questing hands, turned up her nose and glared at me.

"I should have gone back to Plegia," she growled. "Where you couldn't corrupt her-"

"Wait, no, please!" I cut in.

I felt a pit form in my stomach, and practically shoved big-Noire aside now. She gave an awkward squawk, but managed to catch herself before falling on her face, and proceeded to return to glaring at me.

"I know that I fucked up with you, but please don't take her away!" I begged Tharja.

This genuine reaction brought Tharja up short, her face transforming into a thoughtful frown as she continued to glare at me.

"Most noblemen abandon their bastard children," Tharja pointed out softly.

I didn't say anything, just quirked a brow and indicated with both hands to the adult Noire who was now standing with her arms crossed and glaring at us both.

"The only reason I'm even doing any of this nobleman sh… stuff is for her," I admitted.

I figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea to throw fuel on the fire by cursing more…

"For god's sake, Tharja, I've already started changing laws in Baham so that she can inherit," I went on. "I love that kid. I love them both."

"I… didn't know that," Tharja said softly, turning away a little.

"Do you want me to beg?" I asked desperately. "I'll do it! I'll get on my knees and beg if that's what it takes!"

"Stop your pathetic mewling! I won't-" Tharja hissed.

"Blood and thunder! Enough already!"

We all turned to look at older-Noire, glaring at both Tharja and I with her shoulders heaving and her fists clenched.

"We get it!" she went on. "The two of you are mad! Get over yourselves!"

"How dare you-" Tharja began.

"You," Noire snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "Are not my mother. Not really. Neither is he my father. The woman that birthed me, the man that inspired me, and the parents that raised me are dead!"

Tharja and I both winced at this, and even young-Noire whined a little in confusion.

"That's right," Noire said, glaring down her nose at us now. "You both raised me together. I won't tell you where. I won't tell you how. But I will tell you that you were both in my life until the moment I ended up…"

She stopped herself, eyes closing and taking a deep breath.

Tharja glanced down at the child in her arms, bouncing her a few times on her hip. Noire giggled, then turned to look curiously at me, as if questioning why I was so far away. I knew she was old enough to understand that if she was within my eyesight, she was usually within about three feet of me. The child looked back up at Tharja and made an inarticulate sound to this effect, cheering up again now that big-Noire was done shouting.

"Ma," was what she managed.

Big-Noire sighed and stepped forward again, careful to stay out of arm's reach of me.

"Come on, mom," she sighed. "We both know you don't mean it. Even as an empty threat, that's really cruel, and you know it."

"That's 'mother'," Tharja corrected.

"Mom!" baby-Noire said happily.

Silence reigned once more, everyone looking at the small child. Tharja and I exchanged a loaded glance, before the Dark Mage looked back down at the smiling child.

"I swear if she says 'motherfucker' I'm gonna lose it," Gaila chuckled.

Elle smacked the former pirate in the back of the head with her tray, huffing.

"Read the room, pirate," the maid sighed.

Tharja smiled, then; an actual, genuine smile, the kind that she had never once graced me with.

"Mom!" baby-noire repeated, hands held up.

"That's 'mother'," Tharja corrected softly. "And you still can't play with my hair."

"Fuck?" the child said, quirking her head.

The smile on Tharja's face turned into exasperated laughter, the mage shaking her head now.

"So… you'll stay, right?" I asked, daring a step forward.

Tharja glanced up at me and nodded.

"For now," she said evenly. "All my stuff is here, after all."

"Mom!" baby-Noire shrilled.

"Mother," Tharja corrected again, turning away with the child.

Tharja sashayed down the hall, the sounds of my daughter's happy burbling laughter echoing in her wake. They were still here. I could figure out the rest later.

I let out a long sigh, deflating now that the tension had left me.

"Well, that was heartwarming," Gaila smirked.

"This job is so weird sometimes," Elle sighed.

I looked over at my time-traveler daughter and gave her a tired smile. She returned it, skipping forward again and-

"YEOWCH!" I screamed, hopping away on one foot.

-bringing her heel down on my bare toes.

"I am no one's human shield!" Noire snarled, finger in my face.

---

"Urgh, god there's so many loose ends to deal with," I groaned.

I ran a hand down my face, limping slightly as I walked from Noire's deadly heel-stomp technique, trudging towards the kitchen.

Elle had officially signed on now to join me in Baham and continue to be part of my household staff, and was even still going about her regular duties while her mother and siblings madly tried to pack their entire lives into the few crates I'd spared them.

However, I did technically employ one other person.

Well, one other person that I had known about before a week ago, anyway…

The smell of fresh bread and roasting meat that emanated from my destination had me salivating immediately, suddenly glad that I hadn't been able to drag Archer away from big-Noire; the old dog would never behave himself around food when it smelled this good.

I stepped into the barracks' large kitchen, only to find it oddly quiet. The scents of past meals lingered, of course, and the fires in the huge ovens against one wall were still burning, but the usual hustle and bustle of the place was noticeably absent. A few assistants and apprentices milled about, cleaning and tending the fires, but they barely looked up as I passed through the room.

As I got closer to the larder I heard some muffled cursing, and smiled a little in spite of myself.

Emerging from the small room came my chef, Bertha. She was an older woman, round from years of good eating in the Exalt's kitchens and raising two generations of her family, her fiery red hair beginning now to fade to grey.

"Ah! Milord!" she said, spotting me over the pile of ingredients in her arms. "One moment, let me just put this down."

She bustled over to the closest bench and practically dropped her burden down onto it, the sound clearly some sort of signal for the assistants to get sorting, if the way the suddenly began swarming over to the pile was any indication.

"And I want those yams mashed properly this time!" Bertha bellowed at them.

She huffed, turning away from the scrum and wiping her hands on her apron as she came back to where I'd stopped.

"You look thin," she said as she neared. "And tired. Are you eating enough? Hold on, I'll get you a snack."

"No, Bertha, I'm fine," I laughed.

The older woman smiled again, before reaching out and dragging me into a bone-crushing hug.

"I saw your speech," she said, still hugging me. "I'm so proud of how far you've come from that bratty little drunkard you used to be."

I finally managed to extricate myself from her grip, sucking in a deep breath of air now that my lungs were no longer being constricted.

"I wasn't 'bratty', I was 'willful'," I corrected her. "And stop talking about me like I'm an old man, I'm not even twenty-five yet."

Bertha laughed as she yanked my head down to plant a big, wet kiss on both cheeks before releasing me again.

"You wait right here," she told me.

"Bertha, I'm fine, I don't need a… and she's gone."

I sighed as the old cook bustled off, ignoring my protests completely, a small knot of apprentices peeling carrots scattering out of her way.

Truly, she was a god in this kitchen.

I feared for the stomachs of the soldiers stationed here when she left.

I looked around the huge kitchen, marveling as always at the ordered chaos of the place. Yes, an oxymoron, I know, but there was no other way to describe it. Even now, during the day when it was quiet and only the apprentices were here doing prep-work, the place fairly bustled.

To my satisfaction, I noticed a few blue uniforms mixed in among the motley outfits of the apprentice cooks; clearly the soldiers were taking some initiative and planned to be able to make at least passable camp food from the field rations.

Hopefully, anyway.

I wasn't planning on eating anything special in Valm, just the same rations as everyone else, so the thought did encourage me a little.

Until I thought of hardtack. Just thinking of that crap sent a shudder down my spine. Maybe if we loaded the excess loaves into the cannons we could weaponize them…

Bertha reappeared then, carrying a plate heaped with little cut up sandwiches. I couldn't tell from a distance what they were, but Bertha had literally never served me a bad meal.

Even when she'd cooked bull's testicles that one time.

They had been kinda chewy, but very juicy, in case anyone was wondering.

She set the plate down beside me and wiped her hands down the front of her old apron, beaming a wide smile at me. I sighed and rolled my eyes theatrically, before grabbing one of the little rectangular sandwiches and taking a bite.

I almost lost the bite I'd taken after a few chews when I realized what was on it.

"Is this peanut butter and jelly?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, you've had it before?" she asked, deflating a little. "It's a new recipe that's come from one of the southern islands, and I just added some strawberry conserve we had. I was hoping to surprise you."

I didn't say anything for a moment, before stuffing the rest of the sandwich into my mouth and proceeding to do the same with another. They were only small, cut into strips and made with baker's bread which was cooked in a special tray that basically gave them no crusts, and dear sweet lord it was PB&J.

"Consider me surprised," I said around a mouthful of sandwich. "I haven't had one of these since I left home, thought I'd never have one again. I'm almost crying here."

As I spoke I spat crumbs everywhere, and as I swallowed Bertha laughed and cuffed me upside the head.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" she chided, smiling.

I swallowed, frowning a little.

"But… but… it's PB&J!" I said. "My mom used to make me these all the time! These were what my dad considered dinner when my mom was out for the night!"

Bertha snorted out a laugh at that one.

"Seriously, I…" I trailed off, choking up a little.

I chose to smother my feelings with another sandwich.

Bertha smiled again as she leaned against the counter next to me, giving a small groan as some of the weight lifted off her feet. She worked herself hard for an older gal, something that had always impressed me.

Well, an older gal for this world, anyway.

I swallowed, sniffling a little as I smiled at her.

"You know," I said. "I've never said it before, but you were the first one that really made Ylisse really feel like… home."

"Oh, you little shit, don't you start," Bertha sniffled. "You'll set me off blubbering and you know it."

"I'm being serious," I laughed. "Maybe I should start calling you Auntie? Or even Nan?"

Bertha barked out a harsh laugh.

"You call me 'Nan' and I'll have your tongue on the menu, you brat," she chuckled. "I'm not even used to my own grandchildren calling me that yet."

"Noted," I gulped.

"So, did you just come down here to stuff your face and annoy me, milord?" Bertha asked.

I opened my mouth to respond, but realizing it was full again I shut it and swallowed before speaking. Which, judging from the satisfied nod, pleased the old cook.

"First of all, you're the one feeding me," I pointed out. "So don't give me that. And secondly, I actually came down here to talk to you."

Bertha's eyebrows raised slightly as I grabbed another of the dwindling sandwiches.

"I'm heading back to Baham soon," I said plainly. "I was wondering if you'd like to come."

Bertha was silent for a moment, staring off into space at the opposite wall before speaking without looking back at me.

"You know," she said. "As my sworn lord you could order me to go to Baham with you. Most other lords would. In fact, they wouldn't even warn their servants. They'd just say 'okay, time to pack up and leave' without giving us a choice."

I shrugged.

"I hate the 'S-word'," I said. "And I don't do orders. Not like that, anyway. I'd love to keep you around, but I won't force you."

Bertha remained silent for another moment. Then, to my surprise, she took the corner of her apron and dabbed at her eyes.

"You're a right little shit, making me cry in my kitchen," she said, voice thick. "I told you I'd start blubbering!"

"What? What did I say?" I asked quickly. "I'm sorry! I don't know what for, but I'm sorry!"

Bertha laughed, wiping her eyes again before rounding on me and wrapping me in another smothering hug.

"Oh, if only more nobles were like you," she said softly into the top of my head.

She released me, pulling me back by the shoulders to plant a big kiss on my cheek.

Needless to say, I was confused.

"I am confused," I admitted.

She continued holding my shoulders, pushing me out a little as if examining me. Her wide smile turned wan, though, as she began to lecture me.

"Servants and serfs don't get treated like people," Bertha explained. "Even nobility as good as Exalt Chrom and Queen Sumia, and even the late Lady Emmeryn, Naga keep her, barely gave us the time of day. That's just not how it's done here."

I snorted, shaking my head.

"Fuck that."

"Even with your potty mouth, you're still such a good boy," Bertha chuckled, pulling me into another bone-crushing hug. "Your mother and father did right by you, you hear me?"

"You didn't answer my question," I said, my voice muffled by her chest.

Bertha finally released me, drawing back and giving me a sad smile.

"Are you really giving me a choice?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course," I said slowly, a sinking feeling starting in my stomach.

"Then, milord, I'm afraid I have to decline."

I sighed, looking away.

"I was afraid you'd say that," I said. "It'll suck without you. You've spoiled me, you know."

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "But Ylisstol is my home. I've been here all my life, raised my family here. My grandkids are here. I can't just leave."

I nodded.

"I understand," I sighed. "Want me to see if I can get you back into Chrom's kitchen? Or do you want a retirement pension? I think you've more than earned it and why are you crying again?"

"Because you keep acting like such an angel!" Bertha laughed, sniffling. "I swear, Naga herself must have birthed you!"

"Are you kidding? Naga hates me," I deadpanned.

That vindictive bitch, I added in my head.

Bertha laughed and cuffed me upside the head again, softer this time, before she wiped at her eyes again.

"No one could have done what you have without the blessing of the Divine Dragon," she said. "Now don't let me hear you talking like that again."

"Yes ma'am," I said, rolling my eyes. "So. Kitchens or pension?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind being able to relax a little," Bertha sighed wistfully. "But I think I'd go mad in a week without anything to do."

"Kitchens it is," I shrugged. "I'll send a letter to Chrom. I can't imagine he'd say no; he still hasn't forgiven me for snatching you away."

Bertha shook her head again.

"Just like that," she said. "You really are like a twister, you know that?"

"Uh… thank you?" I said unsurely.

"I mean you roll in, upend everything you even glance at, and then whisk off like you were never even there," she laughed.

"Yup, I am chaos incarnate," I chuckled. "So, kitchens, yeah?"

"If you could, milord," Bertha laughed.

"Ugh, now I have to find another chef," I groaned.

"Oh, I think I can handle that," Bertha said with a glint in her eye.

Before I could ask what she meant the older woman had bounced back off the counter she'd been leaning against, turning to face the apprentices. The younger chefs were all trying very hard to look like they weren't listening, and failing miserably at it.

"Alright you lot!" she bellowed, her voice putting some of the drill instructors I'd promoted to shame. "I know you were all listening in! Who wants to be the Duke's new cook!"

Judging from the clamor as all the young men and women rushed forward shouting at once about 'what an honor it would be to serve the Duke of Baham', there were no shortage of volunteers.

I cast a sideways glance at Bertha, who was just grinning triumphantly.

And like that, I replaced the best chef in Ylisse with three new ones.

---

The afternoon sun was pleasantly warm as I meandered through the wealthier district of Ylisstol. I'd chosen to remove my jacket and carry it over one shoulder, my sleeves rolled up to my elbows and my collar open to reveal a great tuft of chest hair. I'd been getting scandalous looks all the way up the carefully maintained street, but as far as I was concerned these dandies could all go suck a lemon.

Probably the nicest thing I'd ever thought about these snobs.

I glanced over at the companion I'd chosen to ask to join me, smiling at how much she was clearly enjoying herself.

Emmeryn, or Emilia as she preferred to be called now, strolled along beside me with a content smile on her face, luxuriating in the sun and the fresh spring breeze just like I was. She wore a simple cream sundress and her colorful island shawl beneath a wide-brimmed hat that hid most of her blonde hair and the scar on her forehead.

"This is lovely, Ben," she said dreamily. "I never even imagined getting to just walk around like this before, without guards and totally anonymous! It's so liberating!"

"You're welcome," I scoffed.

Recalling how much effort it had taken to talk Erutreya out of organizing me an honor guard of my own, I was once more grateful for Su'ko's silent presence. Apparently the little ninja had made quite the impact during that little kerfuffle with Burrito before the parliamentary meeting.

I had no idea where Su'ko actually was right now, but I knew she would be nearby, watching over me like an overly-protective hawk.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Emmeryn asked brightly. "Are we going to that lovely park just outside the palace district?"

"It's about the journey, not the destination," I said sagely.

"So you just invited me out to wander around?" Emm giggled.

"I didn't say that," I smirked. "But the journey is just as important as the end."

Just ask anyone who's ever played the Mass Effect trilogy.

"Besides, do you really want me to spoil the surprise?"

"Fine, keep your secrets," Emm huffed playfully.

We continued like this for about another half hour, just taking our time and enjoying the weather, the scenery and each-other's company. It was probably the most fun I'd had in Ylisstol since the time I'd gone on a walk with Noire. I'd have to do that again once we got to Baham.

Eventually, we came to a stop outside a small but stately manor towards the outer edge of the ritzy quarter.

"Here we are," I said with a flourish.

"What, this manse?" Emm asked curiously. "Whose is it?"

"Apparently mine," I shrugged. "I inherited it when I got the title of Duke, and Helman just forgot to tell me about it."

Emm snorted, before bursting out laughing and doubling over holding her stomach.

I glanced up at the mansion as I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye, a distinguished-looking old butler stepping out onto the porch with a frown to see what the commotion was.

Our eyes met, and his widened to the size of saucers as all the blood drained from his face. I quirked a brow, and he bowed before quickly disappearing back inside.

"Oh, this is gonna be good," I muttered sarcastically to myself.

This little exchange all happened in the time it took Emm to compose herself, and as she straightened she wiped a tear of mirth from the corner of her eye. It was nice to see her acting like this with her walls down, like a normal young woman instead of the grand monarch.

"Are you done?" I deadpanned, struggling to suppress my grin.

"Oh, that sounds exactly like Helman," Emm said, still chuckling. "You two are so alike, it's no wonder Chrom gave you his title."

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Oh, I heard about the helmets," Emm grinned.

I groaned and ran a hand down my face, before shaking my head.

"Whatever," I said. "Let's just go inside and check the place out."

"Do you even have a key?" she asked playfully.

"I'm pretty sure there's at least one butler maintaining the place," I grumbled.

"Well, isn't this exciting!" Emm said, fairly bouncing along next to me.

She removed her hat as we approached the porch, holding the big floppy thing under one arm as we mounted the stairs.

Before I could even knock the doors swung inwards, the older man from before bowing low as he opened them.

"Good afternoon, Your Grace," a chorus of voices greeted us.

I sighed as Emm looked around approvingly.

Waiting for us, lined up in two rows either side of the entryway, was a small group of maids, butlers, cooks and other servants. Ten people, including the old man that had let us in, all bowing at once. Judging from the way some of them were trying to hide the fact they were sweating and panting, the group had been assembled on very short notice.

God I hated this shit sometimes.

"Uh. Hi," I said lamely.

"We have been expecting you, Your Grace," the butler said. "My name is Eugene Fitzbaron, the Chamberlain of this estate. Please, come in! Welcome, welcome!"

"Welcome!" the servants all intoned again.

"Oh, this is gonna get real old, real fast," I muttered.

"Don't your servants in Baham act the same?" Emm whispered.

"I don't have any servants in Baham, they're all Helman's!" I whispered.

The Chamberlain, either not hearing or ignoring our quick, whispered exchange, finally rose.

"Indeed, Your Grace, we were beginning to believe we had done something to displease you," he admitted. "We are all of us pleasantly surprised you have come today. Had we known, we would have prepared a proper welcome."

"This isn't a proper welcome?" I asked him.

"I know, I do apologize," he said quickly, bowing again. "We shall prepare a feast for you to celebrate your arrival, and the maids will turn down rooms for you and your companion-"

"Stop," I said, holding up my hand.

I pinched the space between my eyes, feeling the beginnings of a tension headache. Emm just watched on, a small grin of amusement on her lips.

"All of you get up," I said in my best 'General Ben' voice. "Rule number one: no groveling. I don't care how things are usually done, but I can't stand that."

The servants all lifted their heads unsurely, looking between each other as a few of the braver ones glanced over at me.

"Number two: if you have to use an honorific to refer to me, please call me either 'milord' or just 'sir'. I hate being called 'Your Grace', as well."

"V-very well," Eugene stammered.

"And number three: just speak plainly," I said. "I don't have time for the flowery language. I know that's probably how you've all been trained to act around nobility, but you can all relax a little around me."

"Your- um, milord, that would be improper," Eugene said weakly.

"I don't care," I sighed. "And for future reference, y'all didn't do anything to displease me, I just had no idea you or this house existed. Helman forgot to tell me about it."

A few of the younger maids and pages chuckled and giggled, doing their best to stifle the sounds.

Eugene sighed a little through his nose.

"Yes, that does sound like Sir Helman," he said. "I do apologize for not sending someone to check your intentions for us."

"Speaking of," I started.

I stepped back, and with a flourish I indicated to Emm as if showing off a car or something.

"This is miss Emilia," I said. "Emilia, these are your new staff, and this is your new home."

"What!?" Emm and Eugene both exclaimed.

"Well, I'm about to leave Ylisstol," I explained to Emm. "Plus, you're the one that was all like 'ooh, I can't join your army, I'm a pacifist' and junk."

"That's rude," Emm pouted.

"And," I went on, turning to Eugene now. "I want to keep this house, but I want a reason to keep this house, ya know? It all just kind of lines up."

"Of course, Your Grace," Eugene said with a bow. "We would be happy to accommodate your…"

He trailed off, clearly unwilling to call Emm my 'mistress' or 'fuck-buddy' or something else scandalous. The rest of the staff either bowed or curtseyed as well, a few of the younger maids giving Emm curious glances now.

"Okay, firstly, if you call me 'Your Grace' again I'm gonna deck you," I sighed. "Now, let me make this clear. Emelia is not my mistress. If anything, she's like my ward or something."

"Aw, I knew you cared," Emm chuckled.

"I've ruined you," I groaned. "You were such a nice, polite girl, and I've ruined you."

The house's staff rose, Eugene wearing a profound expression of relief now.

"Are you sure about this, though?" Emm asked, her face becoming serious now. "This is… a lot."

"Well, it's this," I said, counting off on my fingers. "The barracks, which I know doesn't really suit you even with all of us there, so it won't be particularly pleasant without us; or, you're always welcome to come to Baham with us, but I figured you'd want to stay here in Ylisstol where you're most comfortable."

"That is all very… observant," Emm said slowly.

"I keep telling you all that I'm not as dumb as I look," I frowned.

I spun to glare at the servants now, too.

"You hear that?" I asked them. "I'm not as dumb as I act, so don't believe any of the stupid rumors that my political 'rivals' have spread."

"We would never dream of it, milord," Eugene said with a shallow bow.

"Although, I must say that many of the younger maids will most likely be disappointed," one of the maids said with a grin. "I know some of the girls swoon every time you get brought up-"

"Miss Esmerelda, you forget yourself!" Eugene snapped over his shoulder.

I just barked out a laugh, and even Emm gave a few giggles.

"You, step forward," I told the maid.

She did so, moving to stand next to a visibly miffed Eugene, before dropping another perfect curtsey.

"I am Esmerelda, Head Maid of this estate," she said with a smile. "It is a pleasure to meet you, milord. And, for future reference, I am also disappointed the rumors are untrue."

"Miss Esmerelda!" Eugene hissed, scandalized.

"Ooh, you I like," I chuckled.

Emm elbowed me lightly in the ribs, grinning. A few of the younger maids were blushing to their roots, doing their best to avoid eye contact.

This was… confusing for me.

Esmerelda actually bore a striking resemblance to her namesake from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with a darker complexion than the rest of the Ylissean staff, jet black hair and piercing green eyes. Her skin was still far too light to be full-blooded Plegian or Feroxi, though, so I guessed she was some form of half-caste.

Not that I cared, but when presented with beautiful women I tended to panic, and my mind raced a mile a minute to weird shit like that.

"Okay," I said, shaking my head. "Let's consider the facts. I have a friend, a 'ward', that needs a more permanent home than that closet of a room she's stuck in in my barracks. I have a fully staffed house without a tenant. Two plus two is four, it's perfect."

"I agree, Your- milord," Eugene nodded.

I leaned around the maid and butler to look at the rest of the servants, some of whom were studiously counting the floor tiles, the rest returning my gaze with some confusion evident.

"Any objections?" I asked. "No? Good."

"Ben, wait," Emm said, pulling me away from the servants by the arm. "This is far too much. I cannot accept this gift!"

"You're a tenant on paper, if that helps," I shrugged.

"This would be almost as if I were living at the palace again," she said wistfully. "I have enjoyed my time in the barracks, but without the rest of you it will be…"

"Too quiet?" I asked as she trailed off.

"Too cold," she corrected softly.

"Then it's settled," I said.

I clapped my hands, turning back to the servants.

"I still have a lot to do before I head back north," I explained. "Henceforth, Emm's word is law. You serve her as if she were me, and if anything untoward happens to her there will be hell to pay. Are there any guards on the staff?"

"N-no, milord," Eugene stammered.

"Are you expecting trouble, milord?" Esmerelda asked.

"Better safe than sorry," I shrugged. "I'll see if my people can vet some retired soldiers or mercenaries or something, although if we don't have the time, I'll leave it to you, Eugene. Start with retired Royal Guard, work your way down from there."

"I… of course, milord," the butler nodded. "I shan't disappoint you."

I glanced over at Emm, surprised to find her misty-eyed and smiling. Without warning, she launched herself at me in a tight hug, eliciting some giggles and soft laughs from the staff.

"I do not deserve a friend as good as you," she said into my shoulder.

"No, you deserve much better," I told her, returning the hug. "Now, let's head back to the barracks. We both need to pack."

I turned to Eugene, still holding Emmeryn tightly.

"I have a driver and carriage here?" I asked him.

"Of course, milord," Eugene said. "Shall I ask him to prepare your carriage?"

"Please," I nodded. "And have one of the young, strong men arranged to come with us. I'm afraid miss Emelia here has done quite a bit of shopping since she's come to Ylisstol."

Emm and some of the staff laughed a little at this. Even Eugene gave a slight grin before turning to look at the staff again.

"Come now, people," he said, clapping his hands together. "We have much work to do before this grand house is ready for Miss Emelia. Errol, please prepare Milord's carriage. Albert, assist him if you would. Now, please, people."

When she tried to pull back from my hug I held her tight, and she glanced up at me with a furrowed brow.

"I might not get the chance to say goodbye again," I told her softly.

Emm nodded and smiled, leaning her head back against my shoulder and letting out a contented sigh. We stayed like that, much to the amused giggles of some of the maids as they went about their duties, until Eugene returned and informed us that our ride was ready.

I held Emm's hand the whole way back to the barracks, and she leaned against my shoulder.

I really would miss her calming presence, but I couldn't force her to join a war she had so vehemently opposed to.

And so, we parted.

For now, at least.

---

The next morning came the job I had been dreading. I'd put this off long enough, but it was time that I…

Sorted my paperwork to bring to Baham with me.

"How the fuck are there any trees left around Ylisstol?" I asked.

I flicked through a series of sales receipts in Anna's tight, immaculate handwriting, before I sighed and set them neatly in the chest that was rapidly filling with bundles of paper.

"I'm pretty sure they do the logging to the west," Gaila said absently. "Specifically so that Ylisstol still looks pretty. Why in the name of the salty depths does Robin make you sign everything in triplicate?"

As the former pirate spoke she was busily organizing another stack, squatting down over the papers as I worked at the desk, frowning as she pulled out the unnecessary extra copies I could leave here. At this point, I was worried we'd both end up with scoliosis. Or worse scoliosis in my case.

"Because she's a sadist," I groaned, running a hand down my face and stretching my back.

Gaila glanced up and barked out a laugh, earning a frown from me.

"You just smeared ink all over your face," she chuckled.

I glanced down at my hands, sighing as I realized that she was right. My hands were black with the ink that I hadn't sealed properly with the fine ash powder that was usually spread over the paper to help handwritten stuff dry faster.

And stop this from happening.

"Well, if Robin didn't make me sign everything in triplicate, I'd have more time to properly dust and seal the damn stuff," I grumbled.

I pulled out another drawer, giving another long sigh as I beheld the stack of papers within.

"You not gonna go wash up?" Gaila asked, already back to her own stack.

"Why bother?" I shrugged. "It'll probably just happen again later, anyway."

"Ya know," Gaila said absently as she worked. "You with all that ink on your face reminds me of a tribe we had some run-ins with in Southern Valm."

"You don't say," I muttered.

"I say 'tribe', but they were every bit as prim and proper as the Ylisseans, just in their own way," she went on. "Sprayed their faces and eyes with this weird black junk they called 'khol'. It wasn't ink, though; turns out it was just as dangerous as the weaker poisons I'd seen assassins using! Ha! Imagine that! Kings and nobles sprayin' themselves in the face with poison!"

"I've seen nobles do stupider things," I sighed. "Can you believe they actually eat 'arsenic wafers'?"

"What's wrong with that?" Gaila asked, glancing up.

"Ugh. We'll have that conversation later. Let's just focus for now."

I grunted as I set the stack I'd been holding down on my desk, beginning to leaf through the personnel files I kept on the NCOs that I'd hired.

"Do you think I should take the personnel files?" I asked.

"For the First?" Gaila asked. "I'd leave them here. This is where their base is supposed to be, right?"

"Oh thank fuck," I sighed, stuffing the papers back into the drawer.

Before I could start on the next drawer up there came a knock at the door, blessedly distracting me.

"Unless you're here to set my paperwork on fire, go away!" I shouted.

The door opened, and Elle stepped in with a long-suffering sigh.

"What if I bring coffee and cookies?" she asked.

"Then you may enter," I said quickly.

"There is someone here to see you, milord," the maid explained.

"Are they here to set the place on fire?" Gaila asked hopefully.

"They are, regrettably, not here to do anything I may have to clean up after," Elle deadpanned.

"Ugh. Is it important?" I asked.

This took Elle off guard for a moment, as she blinked a few times.

"Hello? Earth to Elle? Come in, Elle," I said, waving a hand at her.

"You… want my opinion?" she asked hesitantly.

"Oh by the Great Dragons, out with it, lass!" Gaila sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Y-yes, I think it is," Elle said hesitantly.

I let out a long sigh, shoulders drooping.

"Fine, show 'em in," I said eventually.

Elle curtseyed and left, and Gaila looked up at me quizzically.

"Why the hells are you complaining about something that's gonna get you outta sorting paperwork?" she asked.

"Because I want to get this done," I groaned. "Mostly so I can go up to the roof and throw myself off."

"Place is only three stories tall," Gaila shrugged, going back to her sorting. "It won't kill you, ya know."

"No," I agreed. "But hopefully I'll be injured enough that I won't have to do any more packing."

"So hire some more servants?" Gaila suggested, not looking up.

"I prefer the term 'employees', thanks," I grumbled. "I hate that word. 'Servants'. Makes me sound like a slave trader. Blegh."

Gaila just chuckled and shook her head, restraining herself from whatever witty comment she was no doubt about to make as the sound of approaching footsteps drifted to us through the open door.

My expression immediately transformed into a scowl as Elle led a priest and a cleric into my cluttered office, who both looked around in awe.

"Excuse the mess," I told them neutrally. "I'm in the process of moving far, far away from your church."

"Boss, be nice," Gaila snapped.

I sighed to the heavens, rolling my eyes before looking back to the two clergy members. The cleric was a young woman, barely older than Elle, with mousy brown hair and the kind of slim figure and tanned complexion that I'd learned spoke of a lifetime of hardship as a peasant. Her companion was older, his dark hair greying at the temples and his bushy moustache twitching a little as he frowned at me.

The cleric's expression remained neutral in the face of my ire, though.

Which I found odd.

"Fine," I said. "In the spirit of not pissing off the person that's sorting most of my paperwork, I'll play nice."

"Thank you," Gaila piped up from the floor.

"Welcome to what is about to be my former barracks," I said. "I'm sure you no doubt know who I am, but you have me at a disadvantage."

"Of course, Your Grace, I am-" the cleric started as the pair both bowed.

"Milord," I cut her off. "I hate the title 'Your Grace'. Mostly because I'm hardly graceful-"

"Ain't that the truth!" Gaila laughed.

"- but also because milord is less syllables," I finished, glaring at my assistant.

Gaila shrugged, going back to her paperwork.

And yes, I know it's the same amount of syllables.

Appearances and all.

The cleric cracked a small grin as the priest's frown deepened, and they both bowed again.

"Forgive me, milord," the cleric said, her voice oddly calm and melodious. "My name is Sister Celeste, and I am a humble lay sister from the basilica here in Ylisstol. And this is Brother Abraham."

"Former deacon of a small church to the east," Abraham supplied, his voice unimpressed.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, leaning back against my table. "Before you answer, though, I'm not taking back anything I said to Pope-Penis-Hat back at the parliament thingy. And I'm not converting!"

Gaila hissed at my sacrilege, but otherwise remained silent. Abraham bristled, his cheeks reddening a little, but Celeste just kept up her beatific smile.

"Of course, milord," she said evenly. "We are not here to convince you to change your faith."

"Though it would be appreciated," Gaila grumbled.

"Silence, henchman," I huffed.

"We have come to offer our services, and the services of the few that follow us," Celeste finished.

I was silent for a moment, processing this information. It could very well have been a trick, however I didn't think that Ottokar considered me enough of a threat to embed spies in my army.

"Explain," I said simply, crossing my arms.

"After your grand speech at the Parliament House, I was greatly moved," Celeste said, her voice taking on an almost reverential tone. "To see a lord of your rank speak so candidly to his fellow man, as though speaking to equals, was a rare thing of beauty."

"We are all equals," I ground out between clenched teeth. "And I'm getting tired of having to repeat that. We are all free men and women from the moment of our birth, dammit."

This finally seemed to catch the two priesty-types off guard, Abraham giving me a searching look now as Celeste seemed to falter. From the corner of my eye I could see Gaila finally look up, a twinkle in her one eye and an approving smile on her face.

"You truly believe that," Abraham said slowly. "Truly. You do not think that you are any different to us, or even to your pirate in the corner."

"Ex-pirate, thank you!" Gaila snapped. "There's a difference."

"Henchman-"

"Yeah yeah, I know, 'silence'," she muttered.

"I knew she spoke the truth," Celeste said, her eyes shining now. "She said that, between yourself and Exalt Chrom, we would be led to a new age of peace."

"Oh god, I'm afraid to ask," I sighed, holding a hand to my brow. "Who told you?"

"The Divine Dragon herself did," Celeste whispered. "She came to me as a vision, in a waking dream. In it, she told me to gather all those of my order that I could, all those that would follow, and pledge ourselves to your cause. To pledge ourselves to you."

This finally caught Gaila's attention wholesale, and she stood to turn her full attention to the priests now.

"Woo," I deadpanned. "What did she look like?"

"I beg your pardon, milord?" Celeste asked, her brow furrowing a little.

"Naga," I explained slowly. "What did she look like? Like the murals and statues, I presume?"

"Yes, and no," Celeste said, her tone becoming one of rapture as she clutched her hands to her chest. "The representations hardly do her justice. Her form was magnificent, glowing with white light as she floated above the ground, her head haloed-"

"Describe her clothes to me," I interrupted.

"I… she…" Celeste stammered for a moment, before rallying. "She wore a white dress of simple cotton, a stole around her shoulders of the finest gossamer thread."

"With purple hair, and floppy Taguel ears?" I asked.

"N-no," Celeste said. "Her hair was the shade of the deepest forest green, and her ears were like a human's but tapered to a point at the tip."

I groaned, running my hands down my face.

No doubt just spreading more ink on it.

"Yup, that's her," I said in defeat.

"You… you believe her?" Abraham asked. "Just like that?"

"Yup," I said.

"Thank you, milord, and bless you," Celeste said brightly, bowing again.

Well. It looked like that vindictive bitch had finally listened and done something to help. It was about damn time, as far as I was concerned.

"And you, Abe? Where do you sit?" I pointedly asked the priest.

"Many of our ranks follow Sister Celeste because they believe in her vision," he said, eyes narrowing. "However, many more of our number are motivated by more practical means. I speak for those of us that believe that you are correct about taking the fight to Walhart, rather than being caught on the back foot."

"Spoken like a true soldier," I scoffed.

"I served as a War Priest, once," Abe shrugged. "For my land and my flock, I am willing to do so again. Even if it means risking excommunication from the greater Church."

Celeste didn't comment, seemingly content with this answer as she continued to smile at me. Hell, there were even tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It was like she hadn't heard Abe at all.

I blinked at this, exchanging a shocked glance with Gaila before continuing to speak.

"You what now?" I asked gracelessly.

"I, myself, have already suffered that fate," Celeste sighed, her expression finally dimming a little. "The Archbishop accused me of spreading lies and dissent, and cast me out. However, my course is clear, and set by the Divine Dragon herself. Worldly ties mean little in the face of that."

"The rest of us have been threatened with it," Abe explained. "But if His Grace, Archbishop Ottokar, were to excommunicate so many at once it may lead to a schism in the church."

"Ugh. More politics. Yay," I sighed.

I went quiet for a moment, mulling this unexpected event over. I'd expected enlistment rates to rise a little after war was declared, sure; Chrom was already sending out conscription notices for his own armies. But a whole religion's worth of healers? Even a small religion's worth, enough to potentially cause a fucking schism in the Naganite Church wholesale, was an incredible tool I could make use of.

I'd be able to bring so many more soldiers home at the end of the war. That thought alone almost made me agree on the spot.

Still, though, the thought of Ottokar planting a mole in my forces was a lingering threat…

"So… what's our heading here, Boss?" Gaila prompted.

"Fine," I sighed, making a decision and planning on the fly. "Celeste, you and your believers are going to have to come with me to Baham. I'm keeping you lot where I can see you."

"We are prepared for our pilgrimage," she assured me.

"This isn't a pilgrimage, these are marching orders," I told her with a serious expression. "You will go to Captain Olivia, the quartermaster for the First Regiment, and requisition proper traveling equipment. Boots, cloaks, survival gear, whatever you zealots need."

Gaila and Abe both looked like they were about to bite my head off, but Celeste made a sound bordering on the orgasmic as she clenched her hands at her chest again.

"Such generosity, milord," she gasped. "Truly, you are the Divine Dragon's envoy!"

"Ugh," I sighed, choosing to ignore her. "Abe, you and your lot march with the First. You answer to Colonel Virion, and act as his liaison. Savvy?"

"Very well," the priest nodded. "But stop calling me that, please."

"No," I said. "Go on, now. Get your stuff together, be ready to go in the next few days. Abe, once Celeste's group is done getting the equipment they need, you go do the same."

"Of course, milord," he said stiffly.

"I'm not playing favorites," I assured him. "I just need to make sure they're prepared for the cold weather and higher elevation. It'll be easier to get anything Olivia's missing afterwards from here in Ylisse, anyway."

I could almost hear Anna cackling in joy at the thought of procuring more stock for me.

At this rate, the woman would never have to work again…

"By your will, milord," Abe said, just as stiffly as before.

I was beginning to think I'd just been saddled with another Frederick here.

They both bowed and retreated, Elle waiting just outside the door to show them out. Once they were gone I kicked the door closed, huffing in annoyance.

"Su'ko!" I called.

The small ninja dropped from the top of one of the bookshelves, landing and almost rolling into a kneeling position before me.

"Your will, milord?" she asked.

"I know your uncle is busy," I sighed. "But ask him to do a quick check on the priests. If anyone seems suspicious or duplicitous, we're leaving them here."

"I will return most quickly," she said, rising and looking to Gaila. "I trust our lord's defense to you until my return."

With that she left, diving out the window.

"Why she doesn't just use doors…" I sighed, rubbing my brow again.

"Boss, what you said…" Gaila said uncertainly. "Do you… I mean, you spoke like you've met the Divine Dragon in person."

"In person?" I scoffed. "No. But she is known to me, and I'm sure now that the vindictive bitch knows of me, too."

"Anybody else I'd probably sock in the mouth for that comment," Gaila sighed. "But I'm just more curious about the 'how' right now."

I shrugged, going back to the paperwork.

"Who do you think it was that sent Lucina and her lot back in time?" I asked. "Now get back to work. I was serious about wanting this done today."

---

The next day, I had a very important personal task to attend to. This task saw me calling on Chrom and Sumia quite early in the morning, unfortunately arriving unannounced and interrupting an intimate family breakfast in the royal apartments. Something Frederick had been less than pleased about.

This was only step one of my task, though.

Around mid-morning, I had Gaila find Lucina and Cynthia and bring them to my now-empty office as I leaned back against the table.

All that was left in the space was the desk and the empty bookshelves, the paperwork I was leaving behind stacked neatly in the drawers set opposite the shelves. Absently, I found myself wondering what kind of mess Virion would make in here once he officially moved into the office, and I shuddered at the thought. He was truly starting from scratch, though; even the couch and chairs were gone, clandestinely returned to the palace by some of the soldiers from the First.

And by 'clandestinely' I of course meant they just dumped the stuff in the Great Hall and left without a word.

Just to piss Frederick off a little more.

Because I could.

I was reviewing some of the last reports I'd get here in Ylisstol just to kill time, about the progress of the cannons and how loading them onto the Arturia and Asuna was going (ahead of schedule, thank god), when Gaila arrived and showed the girls in.

"Thank you, henchman, that will be all for now," I said, placing the papers down.

"Aye-aye, skipper," Gaila said, grinning and flipping me off as she left.

She shut the door with a resounding thud, made all the louder for the echo in the newly empty space. Cynthia practically skipped up to me, all sunshine and rainbows, and actually managed not to trip over herself as she did so. Though it was a close-run thing when she stumbled, windmilling her arms to keep her balance. Lucina approached more sedately, frowning thoughtfully.

I'd chosen this time because it was right after training, so both women were unarmed and unarmored, which made my life both easier and safer.

"Morning, Uncle Ben," Cynthia sang. "What's up?"

"Yes, I find myself curious about this meeting as well," Lucina said slowly.

I sighed, grabbing a second sheaf of papers off the table. These were notes I'd made this morning during my meeting with Chrom and Sumia, which had been awkward enough, but this… this was going to be interesting.

"Okay, girls," I sighed. "This is going to be awkward for all of us, but it is something that I consider to be somewhat important."

"Okay," Cynthia said, nodding slowly.

"I already do not like where this is going," Lucina sighed.

"I had an… interesting conversation about your family lineage with your parents this morning," I explained. "I'm going to be blunt. The act of procreating with members of the same family to keep bloodlines 'pure' is not only icky, but it's actually dangerous. There is concrete evidence in my home world of a line of royalty inbreeding itself to sterility. Fortunately, I'm not worried you're to that point yet, and I want to keep it that way. This morning, I inspected your present, infant selves for any signs of genetic or birth defects as best I could-"

"You did what!?" Lucina thundered, cheeks blazing red.

Cynthia just quirked her head, confusion clear on her face.

"I'm no doctor, but I am possessed of knowledge that you, in this world, lack," I plowed on. "And therefore, I am in the unique circumstance of being able to compare your infant selves with your adult ones at the same time. Like I said, I've already thoroughly questioned your parents, wet-nurse and nannies about your health, and inspected your present selves for defects. I'm confident there are no immediate problems. However, just to be safe, I would like to take a look at both of you and do some simple tests. Ladies. I'm sorry, but I'm going to need you to strip."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch to infinity, both young women looking at me with varying emotions playing out on their faces. The silence was finally broken by Cynthia, who had clearly settled on further confusion.

"What?" was all she said.

"I want to make sure you're both healthy," I sighed. "If there's anything we can fix now, while you're young, I want to try. Scoliosis, or, for example Cynthia, your pigeon-toed-ness."

"You can fix that?" she asked.

"I can try," I shrugged.

"This is a reprehensible act of perversion," Lucina seethed. "I had thought you to have grown out of this phase. I refuse."

Funnily enough, she wasn't as angry as I'd expected her to be. I'd planned this little shindig in my empty office specifically so she couldn't throw anything at me, but she actually seemed to be handling this better than I'd hoped.

"If you're not willing to undress, fine," I said, holding up my hands placatingly. "There's a few other things I can look at, too, that don't involve you getting your kit off."

This brought Lucina up short, the blue-haired princess glaring weakly at me.

"Okay," Cynthia said slowly. "So this is… like, a medical exam? Like we'd get from Brady, or from Libra?"

"The fact that you constantly get exams done by men is disturbing," I said, quirking a brow. "And also kinda sad. Remind me to introduce you to Celeste later."

"Uh. Okay," Cynthia said.

"Yes, it's like a medical exam," I sighed. "And yes, this is as weird for me as it is for you. I've already suggested corrective footwear for you, Cynthia, to your parents. Nothing fancy, just a wedge in your shoes to make your feet point in the right direction."

"Really?" Lucina asked suspiciously.

"Yes," I said, spreading my hands. "Your mom's going to try them out, too. I even took a bunch of notes to compare from this morning's exam. I won't force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, okay? I just… want to help if I can."

There was another beat of silence, before Cynthia shrugged. Lucina, for her part, looked thoughtful. She wasn't outwardly hostile anymore, but she was still frowning.

"Alrighty," she said. "If it's just to help, I'll let you take a look."

So saying, without an ounce of hesitation, Cynthia yanked her riding dress up over her head, folding it over her arm and standing in naught but her chest bindings, riding shorts and boots.

Lucina made a disgusted groan and blushed even heavier, but unbuttoned her tunic and pulled it off to reveal the skintight blue outfit underneath.

"OH MY GOD NOT YET!" I shouted.

Both women froze, looking at me in confusion.

"I have other exams I want to do first, and if you're both already naked it'll just distract me," I groaned. "Stop there. Please."

"Well why didn't you say that first!" Lucina shouted back.

"You both started undressing too fast!" I shot back.

"By the gods, let's just get this over with!" Lucina sighed, massaging the space between her eyes.

Cynthia just snorted, letting out a few giggles before Lucina silenced her with a glare. The younger of the two continued to grin, though.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, calming myself. When I opened them, I was all business.

"Okay, ladies, please take off your boots. Cynthia, we're going to start with you so that Lucina can see that I'm not up to anything weird. Please come over here and sit on the edge of the desk."

As I spoke I turned to the only other thing on the desk besides the papers; a small bottle of potent rye alcohol. I poured some on my hands and rubbed it in, hoping it was strong enough to kill anything on them.

"What's with the booze?" Cynthia asked.

I turned back, seeing her perched up on my desk and swinging her legs lazily.

"Helps clean my hands," I told her. "I want to make sure I'm clean while I poke and prod."

So saying, I started the exam. I felt around her neck and jaw to check everything was fine with her lymph nodes, then took her pulse. It was a little fast, but not surprising considering the circumstances, and it felt strong and regular. I then proceeded to check her reflexes by rapping her on the knees and elbows with my knuckle, and had her walk back and forth from the desk to the door.

"As I thought, your feet point inwards," I sighed. "I don't know if we'll be able to fix it, but putting some wedges in your boots, too, should at least help a little."

I looked at her for a moment, before sighing again.

"Okay, this is where it starts getting weird," I warned her. "I need you to lay down on the desk, face up."

Cynthia silently nodded, doing as I'd asked. Lucina watched like a blushing hawk, arms crossed protectively around her chest.

"Open your mouth," I said. "Wide as you can. I'm going to have to put my fingers in your mouth now, too."

Cynthia blinked a few times before doing as I asked. I gently pulled her lips aside, inspecting her teeth and gums. They all seemed nice and straight, and her gums looked healthy, but I noticed a tiny bit of discoloration on her rear-most molars. Retreating, I wiped my hands on my pants, before going for more of the alcohol.

"You can sit up now," I told her. "You brush regularly?"

"Every day that I can," she said, pushing herself up. "I've never even had a cavity."

I made a few notes on my papers as I absently nodded. No receding of the gums, teeth all straight, no ulcerations, no weirdly large tonsils or gross-ass tonsil-stones…

"You need to make sure you get all the way to the back," I told her. "There was a little discoloration. Nothing enough to worry about, but make sure you get back there."

"Uh, right, okay," she nodded.

"Any problems with your ears?" I asked her. "Regular ear infections? Trouble hearing? Unexplained ringing?"

"No, none of that," she said, shaking her head.

"Good, that's good. How's your monthly cycle?" I asked.

"That is utterly inappropriate!" Lucina exploded.

"I am trying to make sure you're both healthy!" I shouted back. "Cynthia, you don't have to answer if you don't want, okay?"

"No, no, it's fine," she said quickly. "Sis, calm down, okay?"

Lucina growled a little, but went back to silently glaring at me.

"It's pretty regular now," Cynthia said, beginning to blush a little now herself. "Before we came back to the past, though, I did end up, uh, missing quite a few."

"Pregnancy?" I prodded.

"No!" Cynthia said quickly. "I'm still a virgin! They just… didn't happen sometimes."

"That's common with stress and malnutrition," I explained, nodding. "If you miss any more in the near future, and you're not actively engaging in sexual activity, make sure you talk to me or one of the healers, okay?"

Cynthia nodded with pursed lips, and I struggled not to blush as I added this information to the notes.

"You've been regular since getting back to this time period?"

"Yes. It's, um, only been a few months, but I've had three cycles fairly regularly spaced apart. I'm… due for a fourth in a week."

"No heavy flow? Serious cramping? Wild mood swings?" I went on without looking up.

"Um, no," she said awkwardly. "I mean, yeah, I bloat and cramp a little like everyone else, but it's not, uh, super bad."

"Okay, good," I nodded.

I closed my eyes again, taking another deep breath before straightening.

"Okay, now is the part that I need you to strip," I said. "Only as much as you're comfortable with!"

I added this last part quickly, cutting off whatever Lucina was about to yell at me. For her part, the older princess' mouth clamped shut and her eyes narrowed.

"You know what?" Cynthia said, jumping up from the table. "This is even more serious than the exams that we've gotten in the past, Luce. Let's be serious about this."

"You cannot be serious," Lucina groaned.

Cynthia responded by undoing a clasp at the back of her chest bindings, and letting out a relieved sigh. The thing looked like some sort of weird cross between a sports-bra and a bunch of linen wraps, but all stuck together. Cynthia shrugged it off, leaving her chest bare. Then, with only a brief moment of hesitation, she shucked her shorts, placing both objects on the table and standing stark naked in front of me.

I was unable to help but notice the glorious muff she was sporting, just like the one her sister had-

"What now?" Cynthia asked, blushing as she cut off my train of thought.

"I'm going to need you to turn around," I told her.

Good lord, the force of will it took to maintain eye-contact…

She nodded, turning away.

"I'm going to touch you, okay?" I warned her. "Let me know if you're uncomfortable at any point."

"Right," Cynthia nodded.

I actually saw her shoulders and legs tense up as she said this.

I gave a small sigh, leaning forward and placing my hands on her shoulders.

"Push up," I told her.

She did so, meeting the resistance of me pushing down.

"Shoulders seem nice and even," I nodded.

I bent down, running my fingers down her spine. Cynthia shivered a little, but stayed silent. I made a small hum as I came to the small of her back. I prodded a little at a gentle curve in the lower spine.

"Minor scoliosis," I said. "Do you hunch in your saddle?"

"It's, uh, t-to reduce… to reduce wind resistance," she stammered.

"I definitely can't fix this," I said, squatting down. "But I want you to do some stretches every morning when you wake up, just some light twists and bends, hopefully we can find some sort of chiropractor or something. I'm going to make sure your hips are aligned properly now. Try to relax and not fight me as I move them."

Oh my dear sweet mother of fuck, my eyes were perfectly level with the top of her beautiful, full ass and it was killing me not to drink the sight in. Or enjoy the feeling of smooth skin beneath my fingers. Or luxuriate in the scent of the woman only a few inches from my face.

This was killing me.

I'm only human, alright!?

Instead, I placed my hands gently on the tops oh her hips, and pushed them around a little.

"Alright," I said, standing quickly. "Everything looks good. No moles or spots? Lucina, you, uh, you check. Tell me when you're done."

I went back to making notes as the princess stomped over and began to inspect her sister's skin. Cynthia giggled a few times and they exchanged whispered words. After a few moments, Lucina spoke up.

"There are no moles or spots," she declared.

"You checked everywhere?" I asked her. "Like, everywhere-everywhere?"

"Yes, Ben, everywhere," Lucina ground out.

"Uncomfortably-everywhere?" I asked insistently.

"Believe me, she did," Cynthia groaned.

"Okay, time for the weirdest part," I said, staring at the ceiling. "We need to check your breasts to make sure there's no lumps. Me or Lucina?"

"Me!" Lucina shouted immediately.

"Alright, alright!" I soothed. "Just… feel around the whole breast, make sure there's no weird lumps or anything."

"V-very well," Lucina muttered.

"Is this really necessary?" Cynthia moaned.

"You should get into the practice of doing this yourself when you bathe," I sighed. "Breast cancer is a serious thing."

There was a moment of silence before Cynthia shrieked a little, making me jump.

"Luce! Your hands are freezing!"

"Do not complain!"

"Ow! Be gentler!"

"I'm trying to be quick!"

"That's my nipple, not a bug bite that needs-"

"Sister, I love you, but I am not above murder."

There was a moment of quiet, before Lucina spoke up.

"There are… no irregularities that I can feel."

"Please get dressed," I said, proud of how even my voice was there.

This elicited a giggle from Cynthia, who, judging from the sounds of rustling fabric, was doing just that.

"Okay, just a couple more questions," I said.

I turned back around just as Cynthia dropped her dress over her head. She was back in her shorts, but had her weird bra-thing in her hand still. Then, all was blessedly dress and I was in no more danger of roving eyes.

"Obviously, I can only check physical problems," I explained, clearing my throat. "Not internal ones. So. More questions. Have you ever had any difficulty breathing, or any severe hay-fever in spring?"

"No, not that I can remember," Cynthia said.

"Good," I nodded, noting this down. "Any unexplained chest pains outside of combat?"

"Outside of combat?" Cynthia repeat, confused.

"Anybody can have a heart attack from too much adrenaline if they're pushed too hard, too regularly," I explained. "Problem is if you have symptoms outside of that situation."

"Um, no," she said, before quirking her head again. "How do you know all this stuff?"

I looked up from my notes, shrugging.

"I have a lot of these problems myself, honestly," I admitted. "A condition called asthma that effects my lungs and makes it hard to breathe. Scoliosis in my own spine, so I just copied the tests they did for me. A bunch of the other stuff, too. The teeth are easy, though, I've been to the dentist a million times."

"Wow, I… had no idea," Cynthia gasped. "Does… doesn't it hurt?"

"All the time," I said softly. "But, I'm too busy to let it slow me down."

When I glanced up, Lucina was looking at me a lot more thoughtfully now, her blushing scowl utterly absent.

"Any dizzy spells if you don't eat for a while?" I asked. "And I mean if you don't eat regularly every day, not in rationing situations."

"No," Cynthia said, her tone turning a tad melancholy. "We had to ration a lot before, so I'm pretty used to it."

"Sad, but still good news," I told her. "I… can't think of anything else. Drink lots of water, eat lots of green leafy veggies and not a lot of sugar, keep exercising, and once we implement those little things you should be fine. Okay?"

"Yup!" Cynthia beamed.

She surprised me then by jumping in for a great big hug.

"Thanks, Uncle Ben," she said into my shoulder. "This was weird, but I'm glad you care so much about us."

I just patted her on the back a few times, looking desperately to Lucina for guidance. The older of the two, though, was still watching me thoughtfully.

"Of course I care," I told her, looking Lucina dead in the eye. "You both… mean a whole damn lot to me."

The older princess and I maintained eye contact, and it was like an electric spark passed between us. The moment seemed to drag on, my focus so intent on Lucina that I couldn't even enjoy the sensation of Cynthia's breasts mashed into my chest.

"Cynthia," Lucina said eventually. "I'd like it if I could… do my exam with Ben alone."

"Ooh, alone, huh? Don't want me getting in the way-" Cynthia began to tease, skipping back from me.

"Do not finish that sentence!" Lucina shouted. "I am simply embarrassed, okay!?"

"My boobs aren't that much bigger than yours, Luce," Cynthia said, rolling her eyes. "You'd know, considering how you had your hands all over-"

"Stop talking!" Lucina shrieked, voice rising another octave.

"Stop making this so damn weird for me!" I groaned. "Cynthia, if Lucina is more comfortable without you here, please, uh, leave."

"Riiiiiiiight," the younger princess said, shooting me a wink.

"That's it, I'm going to kill you," Lucina growled.

"I'll help you bury the body," I added darkly.

Cynthia gave a small shriek before bursting into a fit of giggles, darting for the door and escaping her sister's wrath. Lucina slammed the heavy door after her, violently shoving the lock into place for good measure.

"You will forget everything you just heard," she growled, not looking at me.

"What? Sorry?" I said. "I wasn't listening to anything that just happened, I was busy with my notes."

Lucina's expression softened when she looked up, and I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. She blushed a little again and looked away.

"Let us just get this over with," she said, marching towards the table.

We went through all the same tests I'd done with Cynthia, and I was pleased to note that Lucina wasn't pigeon toed at all. Her teeth and mouth were also immaculate; hell, her breath even smelled great. Though I did see that there was one tooth in the front top of her jaw that was slightly crooked, doubling up behind her canine a little. Not enough to cause problems, but no doubt enough to be annoying. I'd have to make sure that Sumia didn't let baby-Lucina chew on anything as much as she could, and told older-Lucina to make sure she flossed properly to ensure the area stayed properly clean.

Then came the moment I'd been dreading.

Lucina and I stared at each other, only about two feet away from one another, in utter silence.

I was keenly aware of the tension between us. It was kind of hard not to be. I'd initially hoped I was misreading things, but the kiss at the parliament had kind of been a tipping point: there was a big difference between a friendly peck between friends, and slipping someone the tongue. Even as a distraction.

"Alright, Luce, you know the drill," I said, looking away.

Lucina just nodded. She pulled her skintight suit off from her shoulders, and I was surprised to see that it was actually two pieces, not some kind of morph-suit. Lucina stood there wearing a singlet rather than a proto-bra like her sister had worn, and a pair of plain, simple panties. Rather than elastic, though, these seemed to be a shaped piece of cloth that tied at the sides to keep them up.

She was also still wearing the pendant I'd gotten for her, the fine golden chain holding the clasp and inset diamond between the subtle swell of her breasts atop her singlet.

I was honestly a little touched that she still wore it.

And, I won't lie, it made me feel a flash of possessiveness over her.

"Do not… stare," Lucina said, fidgeting.

"If that's all you're comfortable with, that's fine," I told her, turning to face her properly now. "But I will need you to pull up your top so I can check your spine."

Lucina nodded, turning away and lifting her top to her shoulders.

The princess' back was, surprisingly, not the mess of scars I'd been expecting. Like a real warrior, the worst she had were a few that trailed around her sides and over her shoulders, but that was it. They were all on her front. I don't know why this surprised me, but it did.

I let my fingers trail down her spine, eliciting a gasp as I made my way lower. I blinked back any amorous thoughts at the sound, focusing on my work.

"Your spine looks good," I told her, clearing my throat again. "Your posture seems good, too."

"Th-thank you," Lucina said awkwardly, lowering her top. "We are, uh, trained for proper posture as part of court life. Royals, I mean."

"I know," I told her.

"I know that… you know," she said, trailing off awkwardly.

There was a moment of silence where I finally let my eyes wander down to the perfect swell of her ass, admiring the way that the thin cloth of her underwear clung to the shape. I caught myself after a few seconds, glancing up to see Lucina looking down at me from the corner of her eye.

Surprisingly, she wore a satisfied smirk under her blush.

"Try to, uh, relax your hips," I told her.

Lucina just nodded and faced forward again, and I placed my hands on the tops of her hips as gently as I could. She shuddered again under my touch, and I won't deny I angled my palms to get as much ass on them as possible.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I was salivating at this point.

I'm an ass-man, I can't help it.

Where Cynthia was hourglass shaped and perfectly proportioned, Lucina was thin and athletic. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. However, that isn't to say that the older sister didn't have her curves. While not as wide as her sister's, Lucina definitely had hips. I moved them up and down slowly, then pushed her hips around in small circles for good measure.

I looked up as Lucina's breath hitched, her eyes closed and a blush spreading down her neck to her shoulders.

Deciding to press my luck, I let my hands trail as I rose back up, fingers brushing against the fabric of her panties and pressing into her ass itself.

Her breath hitched again, but she didn't protest, and she let out a soft moan as I trailed my hands back sown to cup her ass properly now. My mind very nearly went blank in my aroused state, the two perfect cheeks filling my hands as I gently rubbed and kneaded them for a moment. Lucina leaned her shoulders back against my chest, eyes closed and breath quickening.

It felt nice to be the one initiating our little 'thing' for a change. But, now that we were alone and in no danger of distraction, I couldn't help but worry about how far this might go.

Then Lucina spoke, her voice a heated whisper.

"Weren't you supposed to check my shoulders next?" she asked.

Her tone was playful, and she looked back at me with an amorous, half-lidded gaze.

"Okay, shoulders, right," I told her, swallowing. "Push up against my hands."

Lucina nodded and stood tall again, closing her eyes once more with a little smile on her face. I placed my hands on her shoulders, far closer to her neck than I needed to, and ran them softly down into position, earning another gasp. Pushing the straps of her singlet to the side, so they hung on the very edges of her shoulders now. One more little push, and the loose singlet would drop.

The room was getting warm now, both of us blushing. I'd broken out into a sweat, and I hadn't considered the fact that coming right off the training field, the girls may have been sweaty themselves.

In a word, the room was filled with Lucina's scent.

It was fucking divine.

"Push up," I said.

Lucina did so, and I absently noted that her right shoulder was stronger than her left one.

"Your left arm feels weaker than your right," I told her.

Lucina sucked in a breath before speaking.

"Should you not… make a note of that?" she asked haltingly.

I leaned forward so that my breath caressed the side of her neck, grinning as she shivered from my proximity and actually leaned her head to allow me better access.

"I can do it in a minute," I whispered.

"Y-you need to… to check me for any blemishes now, right?" she asked, finally opening her eyes again.

Lucina looked back at me, pupils dilated, and swallowed heavily. Then, she gave me a playful grin, an expression I'd never seen on her face before.

"I'd like to, yes," I told her. "I'd like that very much."

"Then check," she breathed.

Something inside me finally snapped, and I grabbed her shoulders.

"Hell with it," I muttered.

Spinning her around, I pulled the princess to me, crushing her to my chest and mashing my lips to hers. Lucina responded eagerly, leaning heavily against me and practically ramming her tongue into my mouth greedily as she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck.

With a small grunt I grabbed her perfect ass again and lifted her up against me, earning a small squeak. I deposited her on the desk, and Lucina laughed as she wrapped her legs around me. Her nails dug into my shoulders as we kissed again, raking down my back through my shirt as my hands roved up her sides. Slowly, gently now, I began to massage one breast through her top, letting the other move around to her back to support her. Lucina gasped and broke our kiss as my hand kneaded her small mound, a perfect handful, as if made specifically for my hand. Another heady moan escaped her lips as I passed my thumb over her pert nipple, and her legs tightened around my back.

I leaned down now, planting kisses down her neck until I reached the hollow of her collar, which I gave a playful lick. Lucina writhed against me, hands gripping the back of my head now as I suckled against her neck.

Then she pushed me back and grabbed the bottom of my shirt, practically tearing it upwards over my head. Taking my cue, I did the same, leaving her chest fully exposed now.

I drank in the sight of the princess leaning back on her hands atop my desk, chest heaving and small breasts bouncing with every breath, her eyes lidded and her face flushed, hair a mess and small sparks of drool gathering at the corners of her mouth.

Bared before me, I finally saw Lucina-the-woman, not Lucina-the-princess. Like mine, her torso was a patchwork of scars from blades and arrows, pale and puckered lines crisscrossing her perfect alabaster skin.

This wasn't the body of a prim, sheltered noble. This was the body of a survivor and a warrior; a true Shieldmaiden of her people.

I'd never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.

"I've never seen anyone so beautiful in my life," I breathed.

Lucina smiled, leaning back towards me.

"Flatterer," she whispered.

We pressed together again, then, our lips and tongues dancing against each other's as Lucina slid her chest slowly against my own. The feeling of those perfect breasts against my chest was maddening, and without thinking I ground my hips forward against hers.

The princess gave a long, low moan of clear desire right into my mouth, and what very little reason I had left few out the window.

I pulled back, grinning at her for a moment as she looked up with undisguised longing.

"I've wanted to do this since I saw that beautiful muff of yours," I told her, dropping to my knees.

"What do you- wait, that's- ah!"

Lucina's protestations died in a heated gasp as I pressed my lips against the fabric of her panties. I gently used my hands to spread her legs, suddenly surrounded by soft skin and the scent of woman, so strong now it was overwhelming my other senses. Lucina placed a hand on the top of my head in a weak attempt to push me back, but I ignored her with a grin. I let my fingers slide over her hips once more, then pulled the cords holding her panties together free. With my mouth I pulled the front of the garment back, grinning up at Lucina as she was fully revealed to me.

"That's dirty," she gasped, panting even harder now. "I haven't… haven't bathed yet."

"Good thing I like dirty," I told her.

Then, I dove tongue-first into her crotch. It was exquisite. Lucina actually screamed in delight as I ran my tongue down her slit, finding her entrance already soaked with her sweet nectar. I lapped my way back up her folds, careful to avoid her clit and draw out the anticipation. Just as she began to fidget, to try and angle herself to get that little nub under my tongue, I pressed down and sucked hard on it.

Lucina gave another cry, her hips shuddering against my face and her thighs pressing tight against the sides of my head as she came.

Clearly she'd been wanting this as much as I had.

The princess fell back across my desk, and I slowly rose to my feet, wiping her love juices from my chin and beard. Her blue hair spread out around her head like an azure halo as she panted, looking up at me with glazed eyes.

"Please," she gasped. "I… I want you to fuck me. Please."

"You don't gotta ask me twice," I said, shoving my pants down without even undoing my belt.

Hearing the uptight and proper Lucina using such vulgar language drove me near wild, and the princess gave another small gasp as I grabbed her by the hips, positioning her on the edge of the desk so I could enter her easier. Unlike before, though, my grip was firm, my fingers digging into her skin. I looked up at her face again as I pressed the head of my cock against her warm entrance, and she gave another moan.

"Dammit, Ben, stop teasing me and fuck me!" she almost shouted.

With a heavy exhale I thrust my hips forward, Lucina giving a shriek of joyous pleasure as I finally penetrated her. There was no resistance, which meant she wasn't a virgin.

Which meant we could have some fun.

I grabbed her legs, animalistically baring my teeth and pressing them up against my shoulders as I leaned over her.

"You want to talk teasing?" I asked, beginning to pound into her again and again. "You've been… nothing but a… cock tease… for years!" I shouted with every thrust.

"I'm not sorry!" Lucina cried. "If it meant… it meant… you fucking me like this, I'm not sorry!"

"You… argh!" I groaned, thrusting harder.

Lucina pulled her legs down, wrapping them around my back again and pushing herself up. She ground against me in time with my thrusts, grinning a little as she gasped and stared right into my eyes. Her hair was a disaster now, and there was a small line of drool running down her chin, but she looked happier than I'd ever seen her.

I grabbed the back of her head, threading my hands through that silken soft hair, and forced her face back to mine. We met in a desperate clash of lips and tongue, grinding and gasping and losing ourselves in the moment.

When we finally came up for air I looked at her smiling face, mouth agape as we continued to fuck.

"Why do you have to be so fucking hot!?" I asked, exasperated.

Before she could answer I grabbed her by the sides of the head, pulling her in for another rough kiss. This one only lasted a moment before I pulled back, stepping back and pulling out of her.

"What-"

I cut her off by pulling her into a standing position, then grunting as I pushed her over the table. Lucina lifted her hips with barely a thought, wiggling them invitingly. I obliged, thrusting back inside her, and she gave another cry of pleasure.

"Gods above, forgive me, but I love this position!" she screamed.

"Good!" I grunted. "So do I!"

Lucina's cries echoed around the empty office, and I absently wondered if someone would hear us. Gaila was probably laughing her ass off while Elle spluttered and blushed. Hopefully, Su'ko had had the good sense to jump out the window again.

Although, the thought of being watched was admittedly kinda hot.

"Harder!" Lucina pleaded between moans.

I reached down and grabbed a fistful of her perfect hair and yanked up in time with my next thrust, angling so I'd hit a different spot inside her. Lucina gave another scream of delight as her chest was lifted up off the desk and I pulled her back up towards me.

She was practically screaming now, and I pressed another desperate kiss to her lips before I released her and she flopped back down on the desk.

"I'm so… so damn close!" Lucina cried between gasps. "P-please make me cum! Make me cum!"

I grinned, reaching down around her hip and pressing hard into her clit.

Lucina gave a shocked gasp and shuddered as she came immediately. I was so surprised by the pressure of her orgasm that I was caught off-guard and, with only three more thrusts, came as well.

I threw back my head and no doubt made some kind of weird animal noises and grunts as I shot my load into the deepest part of Lucina's pussy, causing another set of tremors to rock through the princess. I groaned again as I pulled out of her, leglessly sliding down the front of my desk to sit on the ground.

Funnily enough, I only then noticed my pants were still around my ankles, caught on my boots.

After only a moment Lucina slid down next to me, kneeling and looking down at me before smiling and sliding almost cat-like into my lap. She rested her head against my chest with a contented sigh, holding herself close to me with one hand on my shoulder.

"That… was worth the wait," she whispered.

"That was probably a mistake," I told her.

"I know," she said, eyes closing happily. "And that's what made it so much more exciting."

I chuckled, running my hands through her hair.

"God, I've wanted to do that for years now," I admitted.

It was Lucina's turn to chuckle now as she squirmed, settling more comfortably in my lap as we both took a moment to catch our breath. Our sweat-slick skin slid against each other's with our panting, the sensation rekindling some of the lust I still felt for the princess. I tamped the urge to ravish her again, though, in favor of more pressing concerns.

"Isn't this… kinda weird, though?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, shifting to press more skin against mine.

"The whole godfather-goddaughter thing?"

Lucina went silent for a moment before answering.

"You are not him," she finally said. "Nor will you ever be. I see that now. I think…"

She gave a tired laugh, looking up long enough to plant a soft, gentle kiss on my lips before getting comfortable again.

"I think my presence may have been what changed you in the first place," she said with a smile.

"I still don't think that makes this all kosher," I muttered, before shaking my head a little. "What now, then? This… thing we obviously have."

Lucina gave a thoughtful sigh, closing her eyes and nestling deeper into my embrace.

"Please understand," she said softly. "I am not ready to have that conversation yet. I… I care deeply for you, Ben, but my mission…"

"Gotta come first, gotcha," I nodded. "Doesn't mean we can't throw down again, though, yeah?"

Lucina laughed again, shaking her head against my chest.

"Perhaps," she purred.

I kissed the top of her head, earning a contented sigh.

"That sounds… like a good idea," she whispered.

"After we get cleaned up," I said.

"Another good idea," she agreed. "Once I can feel my legs again."

"And clean up the mess we just made of Virion's new office," I chuckled.

Lucina suddenly went very still against me.

"Oh no," she whispered, sitting up, eyes wide.

"What?" I asked, sitting up as well.

"The whole barracks must have heard us," she said, blushing to her roots. "Cynthia definitely heard us!"

I blinked at her a few times as she gave a long moan of distress and put a hand to her brow, and then I fell back against the side of the desk and began to roar with laughter.

"This is serious!" Lucina hissed.

"Oh, you're being serious," I said, still chuckling a little. "Let me laugh harder, then."

"You are such an ass!" Lucina said, laughing herself now as she swatted at my chest.

Then she flopped back against my chest, and I lost track of time as we sat there luxuriating in the afterglow.

We could worry about what came next when it happened.

---

AN: YES! YESSSSS! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

*ahem*

I was originally gonna cut the lewd content and keep it as a (P)atreon exclusive deal, but... eh. I'm lazy, what can I say? This chapter was a whole lotta fun to write. I really liked adding the extra bits and bobs, and after the next chapter hopefully we'll see a sea-change and move things back to Baham. Is Lucina/SI!Ben gonna become a thing? Who knows. I don't know, and I write this thing!

As for my health, things are slowly improving. I had one surgery, and hopefully I can get in to see the next surgeon for the next problem before the end of the year. Because Naga forbid one surgeon can work on everything. Blegh. But, progress is progress. Now I just need to start working on my crippling emotional issues. "Why won't you hug me, daddy!? You hug the mail man!" (It's a Simpsons reference, don't worry lol)

That's about it from me for now. I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, and look forward to more in the future!

Thanks for reading, and Nagaspeed!