Chapter 12: Murder Family
01/21/2027
Lobo slowly blinked his eyes open, stretching his powerful body. As his senses fully awakened, he immediately noticed two sets of arms wrapped tightly around him. He realized that it was Octavia and Stella, who were still peacefully sleeping beside him.
After what happened two weeks ago, the girls refused Lobo from going on errands to run for Stolas ever again. First the battle with the Angels and then the Heaven Knight Abaddon, then getting in a turf war the same day. At first he argued but couldn't deny that he made them worried with his action so he relented.
Lobo's mind began to work rapidly, trying to figure out how to extricate himself from the situation without waking them. He couldn't just slip out of their embrace without causing a disturbance. And so, he came up with a mischievous idea.
Summoning his supernatural abilities, Lobo created a clone near his original position. The clone, an exact replica of himself, smoothly traded places with Lobo. As the clone settled into the embrace of Octavia and Stella. He quietly slipped away, heading towards the bathroom to take a refreshing shower.
After the invigorating shower and dressing himself in casual wear, Lobo returned to his room. To his amusement, the girls were still sound asleep, cuddled up with the clone. He mentally commanded the clone to wait until they woke up and then lead them to the kitchen for breakfast. The clone responded with a thumbs up, which made Lobo roll his eyes.
Leaving his room, Lobo suddenly found himself face to face with Stolas and Blitzo. Stolas, who looked like he had just gotten out of bed with his robe in disarray and was sneaking past Lobo's room, had a shocked expression on his face. Lobo couldn't help but wonder if he and Blitzo, the imp, had an eventful night together or were even discussing another transaction deal.
"Oh Lobo it was just you, sorry if we woke you up." Said stolas as he had a sheepish look as he rubbed the back of his head. Blitzo looked at Lobo and quickly hid behind Stolas just in case Lobo would make him a chew toy.
"Sup Lobo, how have you been pal, bestie, partner everything alright with you lately." Said Blitzo as he was still scared of the fearsome hellhound as he remembered the talk they had before.
Curiosity getting the better of him, "So Stolas is Blotzo joining us for breakfast." Stolas hesitated for a moment. "No Blitzy is actually leaving, he has a busy day today and has to go to work." Puzzled by Stolas's response, Lobo nodded and proceeded towards the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast.
Blitzo sighed in relief as he was not getting over the threat he gave him. However, Stolas's astute mind recalled Blitzo's previous complaints about his assassination company, IMP, not having enough employees or sufficient workload. Suddenly struck by a brilliant idea, Stolas then turned Blitzo "Blitzy you remember how you told me that you were looking for more people to join your company right."
"Yeah, why do you have somebody in mind?" Said Blitzo and was wondering what Stolas had in mind as his company was barely making it. He tried to get more people to join but nobody wanted to do business with him.
"Well how about I ask Lobo if he can work with you and your little company of assassins hmm my little imp." Stolas said as he leaned down and bopped Blitzo on the nose as Blitzo was deep in thought. He could really use that type of manpower if Lobo agrees to do it but doubt it if he accepts the deal.
"Well if you can get Lobo to agree then I will accept the deal Stolas." Said Blitzo as he and Stolas walked away and Stolas used his power to teleport Blitzo back to his home.
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Matilda called a taxi outside and it drove her off.
Up on a screen outside her window, Matilda saw a full commercial where she learned of an assassination company called I.M.P.
"Hi there, I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent and I'm the funder of I.M.P.! Are you a piece of shit that got sent to Hell? Or are you an innocent soul who just so happened to get fucked over by someone else?"
The next shot showed a bulky red demon with horns, wearing a white Ohio shirt/jersey. A sign read, "Some guy who hired us!" The demon spoke:
"After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you could imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the State of Ohio killed me." He rammed his meaty fists. "I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body!"
"Guess I'm not the only one who murdered my spouse," she thought.
Blitzo appeared again. "Well luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world...we promise to take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who may have screwed you over when you were alive!"
The sounds of the imp jingle motivated Matilda as the taxi pulled to a stop in front of the I.M.P. building. She got out, climbed up the stairs and knocked on the office door. It opened and out popped Blitzo.
"Is this I.M.P.?" she asked.
"Yes," Blitzo said.
"I figured, since I saw the commercial. I have one bad bitch that needs to be killed. And I've got a lot to say."
"Well, come on in then," he said with a grin and a low voice.
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On the empty street Lobo's body suddenly blurred into existence as he teleported from the Manor to the building where Blitzo company resides. After breakfast Stolas has pulled him to the side and requested if he can work with Blitzo and his company.
He thought about it and he couldn't deny Stolas' request so he accepted it. Stolas smiled and thanked him for giving it a chance. So here he is walking up the stairs to where Blitzo office would be located. As he knocked on the door he heard a female voice. "Come in"
As he opened the door he was greeted by a female hellhound who was sitting at the receptionist desk.
She has a wolf-like appearance. She has a pointed, dog-like muzzle with sharp and pointy teeth, and a dark gray nose. Her eyes have red sclera with white irises, and she wears gray eyeshadow and black winged eyeliner for makeup. She also has a piercing on her right eyebrow with a black hoop for jewelry.
Her fur is white with grey encircling her face, grey patches on her shoulders, and long, voluminous silver hair swept to the side to reveal her dark grey ears - the left of which is pierced with two small, black hoop earrings, while the right is ragged. She has a large, dark grey bushy tail with white on the underside.
Her outfit features a large, spiked black choker around her neck. Her tattered gray, off-the-shoulder crop-top is held up at the neckline by a series of criss-cross spaghetti-straps that form an inverted pentagram. She wears black shorts that are tattered at the hems, with a white crescent moon detail on the right side. Accessories with black fingerless gloves and thigh-high black toeless stockings, with her black claws protruding due to her digitigrade stance.
On the couch were two imps. One was a female imp with a long, devilish tail. She has red skin with white markings on her forearms and tail; eyes with yellow sclera and black pupils; darker red eyeshadow; black lipstick on her lips; and long black eyelashes that extend beyond the sides of her hair.
She has two black horns with three thin white stripes and dark gray hair worn in a messy bob style with bangs that cover half of her right horn. She has a beauty mark on her left cheek and a gap between her front teeth. Millie also has a black tattoo in the shape of a heart on her left shoulder.
Her attire consists of a black choker around her neck, a black cold-shoulder crop-top with golden-yellow buttons where the straps at the top meet the torso piece, black fingerless gloves, torn black pants, and black toeless footwear that exposes her hoof-like toes.
The male imp has red skin and white freckles on his cheeks. His white pointy hair leads up to his curvy black and white striped horns.
He also has yellow sclera with black slit pupils. He has a long red thin tail with a quadrilateral barb at the end, as well as lanky digitigrade legs ending in what appears to be cloven red hooves, reminiscent of artiodactyls.
His outfit consists of a navy-black coat with red buttons and white cuffs, black pants a white shirt that has a black turtleneck, a large red bow-tie, and fingerless gloves.
The female Hellhound looked at Lobo with a curious look then suddenly she gained a blush on her face. Her tail started to wag but then she composed herself and then she spoke."Uh can I help you with something." She said as she tried to keep her voice steady.
"Yes, is Blitzo here, I was sent here to meet him and talk about business." Said Lobo as he looked around the room to see if he could upgrade the place if he was going to be working here. And then looked back at the female hellhound and noticed that she was staring at him.
The female hellhound averted her eyes and cleared her throat "Uh yeah he's here but he is talking to a client right now. You can sit on the couch over there and wait." She said as Lobo nodded his head and went to the couch next to where the imps were sitting. As he sat down the female imp was staring as if she was trying to remember if he looked familiar.
"Lobo is that you, what are you doing here. I haven't seen you in forever." The female imp said as she went over to Lobo and gave him a big hug. Lobo then returned the hug "Ah Millie I almost didn't recognize you for a minute how have you been." Lobo said as he released Millie as she moved back where she was sitting.
The male imp and the female hellhound were staring at them both and was wondering when they had met. The male imp spoke to Millie "Uh Millie you know this person." He said as Millie turned to the male imp.
"Uh huh this is Lobo I told you about. I met him during The Harvest Moon Festival. He was there and he participated in the pain game and won last year." She said as Lobo nodded his head as he remembered the time Stolas had taken him to the wrath ring to witness him perform his duties. Then with Stolas permission he was allowed to take part in the pain games as a special case and he had fun.
Millie then turned to Lobo and began introducing her coworkers "Lobo, this is my friend and roommate Moxxie he is our weapon expert. We were actually introduced by Blitz when he was looking for employees for IMP. So we decided to bunk together as roommates because we're new to the Pride Ring. Then this is Loona, Blitz's daughter. She is the one who man the phone and is our bookkeeper."
Moxxie waved at Lobo "Um it nice to meet you Lobo I hope we can be fr-friends. I mean if you want to, we can keep it as strict as co-coworkers." As Moxxie was speaking he suddenly become timid and was stumbling on his words.
Lobo chuckles "Don't worry Moxxie I know I can look imitating but we can be friends. Since I am going to be working with you guys starting today, I was sent by Stolas to come to talk to Blitzo about me working here." Lobo said as the trios looking at him shocked that Stolas recommended him.
Loona stared at Lobo and she could practically feel Lobo's aura of dominant authoritative power that made her want to act like a bitch in heat. In her mind, Loona saw herself staring at an alpha male to end all alphas, and it was sending sensations down her spine that she had never felt before. She shook head and groan before going back on her phone to take her mind off it.
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Matilda paced Blitzo's office at I.M.P. headquarters as she told her story. Blitzo listened half-heartedly, lounging on his leather office chair.
"I was a good person before it all went down," she narrated, pacing to and fro. "I was good my entire life."
She continued on, adding details about her personal life. She held a cigarette in her hand. Apparently, it was easy to get into unhealthy habits in Hell.
"You do everything right in life, play by the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world. After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that's why I'm here. To get my revenge."
"I mean was she hotter?" Blitzo remarked with a smirk.
The demon's eyes flared red in anger, her face partially in shadow by the drawn blinds. A lemon tree was in the background with a sign that read "no whores" beside it.
"I'm just saying I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits," Blitzo chuckled.
Matilda growled and her body briefly glowed red. Her cigarette bent in her hand.
Blitzo rolled his eyes. "Anyway I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here." He stood up and Matilda glared at him. "You see we take revenge on the living and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop."
He bonked her on the nose.
Matilda's pointed tail twitched, her purple claws clenched. Her skirt was torn with holes and her feet were cloven hooves. This imp guy was worse than the demonic children she taught.
Matilda extended her left claws. "Not all of them. That whore survived. Now they all call her a hero."
She continued. "Between the talk shows and bullshit donations she made so much goddamn cash. Getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!"
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"Good morning!" She twirled in a dance, catching her piece of chalk. She wore a white shirt with colorful red cherries on it and a long blue-gray skirt. A green pendant rested on her shirt. She wore cherry earrings and round yellow glasses. Her blonde hair was tied back in a flower-like shape behind her. "Have a bright and sunny day" was written on a poster with a large smiling sun with big eyes on it. Nearby was a calendar and an old boxy computer on a desk. A white daisy was in a flower pot. "The word of the day is harmony," was written on a schedule posted on a board behind the children sitting at desks. The orange curtains by the windows had white math symbols on it. The schedule read "math, history, reading, grammar, science, art and music" as the many school subjects for the days of the week.
"I hope you all did your homework!" she trilled.
The children nodded with a dance to their bodies. One boy wearing an orange shirt spun around in a stool wearing a dunce cap and he faced the wall. The class broke out randomly into song.
"We love to do our homework and we love our teacher too!"
The teacher sang, "And when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do."
"Okay!" they cheered, arms in the air.
She wrote on the board 2 6 = 8 and added,
"Two plus six is..."
"Eight!" the class answered.
"And good behavior's..."
"Great!" they chimed in.
"And now it's that part of the class when we say the time of day and date."
"It's nine in the morning," sang a blonde boy.
"On November 8th ..." added a black girl.
"The sun is out smiling," said a brown haired girl with a bow.
"And it's your husband's birthday!" reminded the dunce boy with his tongue out.
As the class sang "la la la," the teacher found herself scrapping her chalk down in a line on the board. Sweat coated her forehead as the chalk was almost completely broken down. The singing was a constant drone in her head. Her right eye twitched and she turned around.
"Oh my stars, stop singing children! Hush up now!"
The class fell silent.
She put a hand to her forehead. "I forgot it's my husband's birthday! I didn't get him anything special."
The brown haired girl stood up and said, "Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!"
The teacher and kids gathered around the boxy computer. At the husband's house, a lone sock fell on the call screen that read "wifey" on it.
The screen turned on, and everyone gasped in disbelief.
The teacher's husband was in the process of having sex with another lady!
A tie, a bra and a condom flew against the screen as they straddled naked in their bed.
"We won't be needing this," a voice said as the condom hit the screen with Matilda's face on the other side.
The teacher sat at her desk, looking stunned, her face turning red. The other woman was so young and beautiful. There was her husband, clad naked and showing off his muscles and parts to the other lady.
"Oh yeah," the husband giggled, "Not there, not there." They seemed to be also playing with squeaky sex toys.
With a blank shadowed look on her face, the teacher suddenly stood up and walked away. If she wasn't going to be able to divorce that cheating bastard...
"Wait! Matilda!" called the brown haired girl. She took hold of the teacher's hand. "Remember what you taught us...think before you act."
Dark thoughts suddenly festered within the woman and she gripped the girl's neck before tossing her up in the air through the roof. She stomped out of the room and shut the door. The children ran to the window to watch as she got in her old green car and plowed through a white picket fence. "I love school" was on her license plate. The children rushed to the computer.
The door to the bedroom was quickly pulled open.
"Oh shit, sweetie!" said her husband, caught in the act of fucking the young lady on their master bed. "What are you doing here?"
"Shut up, Jarold!" A newfound rage flared in her eyes. A deadly looking riffle was in her hands. She fired several shots.
The blonde lady shrieked as Matilda moved closer.
"You scream like a bitch!" the teacher mentioned to the blonde haired lady.
With a demonic yell, she brutally shot the younger woman across multiple areas of her body. Thick blood splattered everywhere.
Her husband gasped. "Oh god, what have you done?! She had a family!"
"We could've had a family!" the teacher sobbed, in a flood of despair and rage. She picked up a bullet and shot her husband square in the head. He collapsed to the floor, dead.
"Oh god, what have I done?" she asked, frazzled, whipping away the blood from the screen. She saw her children stare in horror and disgust. "In front you all." She broke down into tears, seeing her dead husband in a pool of blood. She spoke her last words through sobs. "I'm so sorry my children. Don't forget to work on your timestamps."
Matilda knew there was nothing left for her but jail time and grief. There was only one other option. With shaking hands, she shot herself in the chest with a yelp. The children fainted on the floor one by one at the traumatizing sight. The policeman took the wailing blonde lady to the hospital...and found Matilda's body lying next to her husband's on the blood-stained floor.
The blonde lady Martha stared lovingly with a brown uncovered eye at her new muscular husband Ralphie wearing an orange plaid shirt. He had brown hair and an athlete/superhero build. Their two children stood by her bedside as she recovered. The room had bouquets of colorful flowers in every corner. Camera flashed as news reporters talked to her.
"How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?" a newswoman asked.
"I just hope that sick woman finally found peace," Martha drawled in her hospital bed.
Her husband comforted her, head lowered.
"You are so brave," the reporter commended to Martha. "Here's $2 million dollars!"
The woman's face lit up as she was handed a large golden check. "Oh thank you!" She smiled at the cameras with her husband like she was a movie star.
The stereotypical America family lived in a house near the woods and by a lake. Martha dressed like a housewife with a long polka dot skirt. Her daughter had brown pigtails, a lavender shirt with a tie, and a red skirt with boots. The younger boy had a beaver-skin cap, a white shirt, brown pants and camouflage boots. On the outside, they were the perfect typical family.
"You're a hero," said more news people as she stood elegantly at a VNN (Vivienne News Network) podium.
"You're a hero, girl," admired a brown skinned jogger with short blonde passing Martha by. Martha basked in the attention and wealth she received. Who knew that getting shot at would change her life for the better.
"My mama's a hero!" declared the son.
"She is a hero!" The brown haired casher agreed down to him with a wide grin as the family went grocery shopping.
"Ooooh...You're a hero!" moaned Martha's husband as he thrust his penis wildly in and out of her as they made love in their bedroom. Their walls were covered with pelvises and newspaper clippings of Martha under "local hero" headings.
"You're a hero," smiled an old praying priest who stood by her at one church meeting.
Even worse for Matilda, a new class of children cheered, "You're a hero!" to Martha when she taught a "How to deal with trauma 101 class."
"Oh you're a hero!" another man groaned in the bedroom as he wildly gave her anal.
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Matilda bashed her fists into the ground, creating cracks. "She's not a hero!" Matilda yelled, getting in close to Blitzo's face.
"Yeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly," Blitzo stuttered in a rapid nervous voice. He frantically pressed a red button under the desk multiple times. The red light flashed under the "Deranged Client" label on a dashboard. The other labels read, "More Coffee," "Soiled My Pants," "Horny Client," "Client Giving Birth," "Ghost," and "Stolas."
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In another office room during the time of Blitzo and Matilda meeting, Moxxie was holding a black and red crossbow in his hands. In front of him was a picture of a smiling family: a father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms were shaking as the reflector hovered around the man's crotch area.
"Moxxie, stop shaking!" Millie chided. "You're gonna shoot Loona!"
Loona lay on her back on a gray couch. The family picture was in one hand and her phone was in the other. On the wall were drawings of Blitzo as a horse and a drawing of Robo Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it. And Lobo was standing next to the fish tank which was housing electric eels watching them in fascination.
Loona spoke in a sarcastic tone, not looking at them, "Wow. I feel so loved here."
"Just take a deep breath," Millie told Moxxie, inhaling, "and let it out."
"But, it's a family," Moxxie argued. "Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?"
"I mean if that's what the client wants," Millie began with a shrug.
"Maybe like a shitty dad," Moxxie suggested. "Or a mob family." He spoke in a stereotypical Italian Accent, "That's understandable. He then spoke normally, pushing aside bad memories of his horrible murder family. "But to eradicate an entire innocent-"
"Seemingly innocent in this instance since we don't know the circumstances", interrupted Lobo.
"Right, right, thank you. To eradicate a seemingly innocent upper middle class family bloodline?" said Moxxie in his normal tone.
Loona stood up and stared at the picture for a moment before pointing to Moxxie.
"Hey! You don't know they're innocent."
She pointed to the boy. "This kid probably sets dogs on fire."
She pointed to the girl. "Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online."
She pointed to the father. "And this guy..." She narrowed her eyes and spoke lower. "This guy definitely watches."
"Wow that was rather...specific", said Lobo
"Exactly!" Millie agreed. "Humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many of them end up down here. But guilty and innocent ain't our business, Mox." She cupped his cheeks with her hands. "Killing those who were paid is our business. Choose a target."
She ruffled his hair before stepping aside. Moxxie positioned his crossbow again.
"I just think it's a bit excessive and we could be a bit more selective, is all."
Just then, Blitzo barged into the room, followed by Matilda.
"Guys! I want you to meet..."
Startled, Moxxie fired the arrow and it ricocheted around the room. Millie jumped into Moxxie's arms as the arrow hit a computer. It then flew and poked a hole in the family picture that a startled Loona held. The arrow made impact with the bottom of an eel tank, causing it to wobble dangerously. The arrow flies toward Mayberry, but Lobo catches it with one hand, "Ah Matilda are you alright?"
Mayberry blushed at his appearance feeling a bit flustered seeing a heart-shaped aura around him as she started mumbling nonsense. She couldn't get Lobo out of her mind after he saved her from death. Lately she has been having a lot of steamy dreams about him that would leave her with sticky mornings.
"...our newest client!"
The eel tank suddenly fell down, glass and water pouring onto the floor. The eels burst with electricity, causing the room to erupt in flames. Loona, Moxxie and Millie cowered in fear and it snapped Matilda out her trance as she jumped in Lobo arms. This action brought jealous looks from Loona and Millie.
"Dammit, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!" Blitzo yelled in anger.
With Lobo quick thinking he summoned magical seals and positioned them over the fire then water came out like a sprinkler and the fire died out. Making sure not to get Blitzo and the gang plus Matilda wet. Using his magic he was able to suck away the remains of the fire and water.
Then he turned to the fish tank with the eels on the floor and used his abilities to put the fish tank back in it original place and make it sturdier and the eels floated back into the tank with water magically flooded back into existence.
"So Lobo buddy, what are you doing here? Like, please tell me he didn't send you here to... gulp, take the book back."
"What? No," Lobo said Blitzo sagged in relief. "I was here to introduce myself as a new helper for your business, every now and then, that is."
"Holy shit, you agreed with my idea?! YESSSS!" Blitzo cheered in the middle of the room in absolute satisfaction. "Fuck yeah! Now we've got a new powerhouse!"
Lobo then looked at Mayberry as she returned from her daydream "Are you ok?" He said as Matilda, her cheeks flushed with a mixture of exhilaration and exhaustion, nods her head weakly.
"Yes, I'm fine now...thank you, Lobo. But, uh...I just realized I don't have money for a cab. Can you...can you walk me home?" Lobo's brow furrows as he contemplates the predicament.
He looks around, his intense gaze landing on Blitzo, "Hey, Blitzo, you up for a little challenge?" Blitzo perked up and looked up at Lobo wondering what he was going to say. "If you can...take out the target by the end of the day, I'll fix up the office with upgrades and pay you and everyone else double the money of what you usually get."
Blitzo looks up, his eyes widening with anticipation as he sees dollar signs twinkling in his crimson irises. Blitzo's slender tail twitches excitedly as he mulls over the offer, his impish grin widening. "Double? You got it, big guy! Consider that pesky target taken care of." As he and everybody left the office.
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"Bye," Blitzo waved, "and don't worry, we'll get that skank by the end of the day or your first kill is free!" He waved as Lobo was walking Matilda home.
"When did we start implementing that deal?" Moxxie asked.
Blitzo turned to glare at him. He pulled him close, holding his face.
"When you set fire to my office in front of a..." Blitzo screamed, "client, you fucking dipshit!" He shoved Moxxie out of the way in anger. "Now someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!"
Loona stood against the wall, typing on her phone. "You mean our only ticket to the other side?" She pulled out a blue book from behind her. "Yeah, got it."
Blitzo came over to her and started to baby talk to her. "And that's why you're my favorite, Loony. You get a treat now."
He held up a dog treat in his hands, tossed it in the air and caught it with his long tongue.
"Ew, stop it," Loona said with disgust. Blitzo pulled the biscuit into his mouth and chewed.
"You're so gross!" she remarked.
A nearby billboard with Blitzo's face on it read with misspellings: "Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!? Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don't fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo"
Millie drew a pentagram with chalk onto the wall. The pentagram glowed red and a portal to the human world appeared.
"Aw stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist," Blitzo told Loona before she left.
He mentioned to the other imps, and moved his fist in front of him in anticipation. "Now let's go lick some ass!" He pressed his hand into Moxxie's face.
"The expression is "kick some ass." Blitz," Millie mentioned before she stepped through the portal. Blitzo let go of Moxxie' face.
"Mine's better," Blitzo said before following her.
"Aw, fuck," Moxxie sighed as he followed them through the portal.
All three imps stood in front of a small red house by the lake as the sun set. Blitzo and Moxxie leaned against the side of the house, rising from the bushes. Blitzo stood up and peered into a window. A row of white flowers were on a planter on the ledge.
"That's gotta be her," Blitzo whispered. He then chuckled darkly. "This is too easy." He looked over at Moxxie. "Moxxie, do you want this one?"
Moxxie looked stunned and smiled nervously. "Me?"
"Yeah, this one's simple enough for you to handle. It's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital."
Moxxie stood up and looked through the window. His face fell as he looked at the happy family enjoying dinner. A pig's head was at the center of the table. The house was decorated with axes and guns on the walls. A lamp stand seemed to be made out of a spinal column. Ralphie and Martha affectionately rubbed each other's noses, Martha holding a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitated; there was no way he could kill any one of them.
"You snooze you lose, Mox!" Blitzo called out.
He got out his gun, which was black with flames painted on it. The reflector was an upside down cross and it hovered over Martha's face. She smiled with large doe eyes and blinked innocently.
"And I've got you, bitch," Blitzo murmured.
"Wait, are we actually killing a family?!" Moxxie asked in disbelief.
"No, don't be a puss, we're just killing a mother," Blitzo remarked. "We're running a family." He grinned and clicked his rifle, positioning it.
"But..." Moxxie began. "Hold on, hold on, let's just think about it..."
Moxxie lifted up the rifle just before Blitzo fired. The bullet hit a glass mirror in the house, causing the family members to gasp in fear.
"What was that, Ralphie?" Martha asked her husband, who sat at the table.
Ralphie shook his head. "I don't know Martha, but whatever it is..."
He stood up with a sharp-toothed grin, holding a rifle in his hands.
"They're gonna be tomorrow night's dinner!"
Martha set the platter down on the table, downed a glass of wine and smashed the glass on the floor.
"Alright, kids! Gun's out!" she called with an evil grin. The kids, too, grinned evilly as they pulled out smaller guns. The boy pulled out his from his brown beaver-skin hat.
"Looks like we've got some rabbits to catch, youngins!" Ralphie said with an evil chuckle.
Back outside, Blitzo was fuming. "What the fuck was that, Moxxie?"
Moxxie breathed anxiously before letting out a croak, his snake-like tongue flickering. He fell to his knees, hands over his face.
"I'm sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy." Tears fell from his eyes. "I panicked."
Blitzo face-palmed. "Oh who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off your momma's tits."
He grabbed his chest in an imitation of holding breasts. He leaned in and poked Moxxie painfully on the head. "Now get the fuck over yourself you baby dick prick!"
A bullet fired through the wall and shot Blitzo in the arm. He cried out as black blood splattered.
"A new hole!" Blitzo cried in terror. "Scatter!"
Blitzo and Millie leapt into the air just as another gunshot created a larger hole in the wall. A grinning Martha and Ralphie leapt through the hole and chased after them, guns drawn. Moxxie peered out from behind the bush, rapidly looking around. A child's hand grabbed Moxxie's pointed tail and he yelped. He only saw a barrage of fists from the children before passing out.
Millie flipped backwards along a cobblestone trail before diving into the lake.
"Where'd you go, little critter?!" Ralphie called, firing another bullet. He stepped onto the wooden dock. "Y'all can't hide long from me!"
Millie had her head above the water under the dock, a knife in her mouth. She broke through the dock with a crash before landing with a grin, knife at the ready. Ralphie swing a beer bottle at her, but she moved behind him out of the way. Millie jumped up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swung the bottle upwards, hitting her in the head. The glass shattered and she fell to the ground with a loud yelp. Millie struggled weakly to stand, but collapsed onto the dock, eye twitching. Ralphie grinned down at her as the sky spiraled red. He picked her up and headed deep into the woods.
Moxxie opened his eyes and gasped with a squeak to find his hands and body tied with rope. He appeared to be tied to a stitched up headless dead body sitting on a chair. Moxxie's face fell in fear as he stared at the boy and girl in front of him. Both their eyes were red and devious grins formed on their faces.
Moxxie tried to defuse the fear. "Oh. Hello there little ones. Aren't you cute?"
The children spoke in low distorted voices at the same time:
"It's nice to have a new critter to play with!"
Moxxie glanced up in terror at a red spotlight above him. The light revealed a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls were stained with red blood. Two plaques held stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displayed a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest was connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones displayed another face made of skin inside it. Human skin was tacked to the wall with "bless this mess" stitched onto it. Moxxie looked and saw a dead human body on a platter, an apple in its mouth. Organs were displayed in a nearby bowl.
Moxxie took one look at the dead body and whimpered. "Aw. Crumbs."
Meanwhile, Blitzo was running for his life in the woods. Four gunshots rang out as Blitzo darted through a bush, leaves falling to the ground. Martha's evil echoing laughter quickened his pace. The imp slide down a grass hill, landing on his feet. He crouched under the bushes, looking around. He panted, catching his breath.
"I know you're hurtin', little devil," drawled Martha in a sing-song voice.
Blitzo darted behind a tree, taking in deep silent breaths. His back was pressed against the bark. He covered his mouth, not daring to move.
"I promise that I can make that pain go real quick."
Martha walked through the woods, not too far away, in shadow. "Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in that pretty little skull!"
Blitzo sighed in relief after hearing the footsteps fade.
Ring! Ring! Ahh!
A startled Blitzo scrambled to retrieve his yellow cell-phone, which was ringing a yelling ringtone. He eventually caught the phone before pressing it to his ear. The phone had a GFY (Go Fuck Yourself) on it and a laughing devil emoji with imp horns.
"This is a really bad time," Blitzo whispered harshly.
At Stolas' palace, the owl prince was currently lounging in an ornate bathtub, several lit candles with blue flames positioned around the edges. Astrological symbols glowed white in a circle on the floor. The midnight blue curtains looked like the night sky, with starry designs on them. Floating constellations hovered around the room. He was the prince of astronomy as well as being horny.
"When isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?" he mused, stretching his long slender arm. He held a rotary phone to his ear, the speakers shaped like sunflowers.
Blitzo sighed in frustration. "What is it?"
Stolas' four red eyes blinked. "I've been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my grimoire?"
Blitzo's angry face appeared in a bubble.
"What did you just call me?" Blitzo asked. Stolas popped the bubble with a finger. "My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours?"
Blitzo ducked as a bullet flew through the tree he was behind. Martha's shadowy figure appeared in the hole, her eyes and mouth glowing red.
"I can hear ya, darling!" she called out.
"Shit," Blitzo muttered, scurrying off.
"Anywho," Stolas continued. "I have been thinking. You know, I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfil my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some sort of exchange?"
He ran a finger along the edge of the tub. He then did a walking motion with his fingers as they glowed red.
"Favors for favors? Doesn't that sound..." He spoke seductively, "...enticing?"
Blitzo skidded to a stop as another bullet hit a tree. He ducked behind another one and frantically whispered, "You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I'm trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my hay!"
Bam!
Another bullet hit a spot on the tree.
"Then let me keep it simple," Stolas explained. "Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of..."
His eyes glowed red, his beak open in lust...
"...passionate fornication." He briefly slid lower in the tub with a blush before rising up to lean against the tub.
"And...you get to keep it the rest of the time. Sound fair my little imp?"
"Fine, whatever!" Blitzo replied.
Stolas let out a happy sigh. "Oh Blitzy! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to fill your slimy cock inside of my mouth..."
Blitzo cringed as Stolas went on about the sexual things he planned to do to him.
Out of nowhere, Blitzo found himself being pinned against the tree by the bottom handle of Martha's gun.
"Gotcha!" she grinned. Blitzo's phone was on the ground, Stolas still talking.
"So, you're a little devil, huh?" she asked, a wide grin. "Come to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well not today, Satan!"
She pressed the gun further into Blitzo. "Gonna send y'all back where ya came from!"
She hit Blitzo hard and he slumped to the ground. She took him and headed off into the woods.
Back at the house, Moxxie struggled to free his tied up hands and body. In the reflection of the window, he could see the orange yellow lights of fires. He gasped.
"Millie! Sir!"
The two kids stared deviously at him. He froze when the girl revealed a long sharp knife in her hands. Moxxie glared, determined. As the girl raised the knife, Moxxie shoved her backwards with the chair. There was a thud as the chair toppled over onto the floor. Moxxie grabbed the knife and cut the rope loose, freeing himself. A "Live, Laugh, Love" sign and a hangman's noose hung from the wall. Moxxie burst through the round window, a shadow silhouette with glowing yellow eyes. Wasting no time, he raced into the woods and toward rows of torches. Hanging from the trees were intricate red Satanic symbols made of wood. There were also tents around the area.
A full moon appeared in the sky from behind thin clouds. Down below, Blitzo and Millie were tied to a stake decorated with black spikes at the top. Ralphie laughed as he poured gasoline onto the ground by their feet. Martha stood nearby, holding a torch in her left hand. Her blouse was torn and low cut, with polka dots on them. Her demonic eyes were red and she wore skull earrings.
Blitzo groaned in frustration. "I had that fucking shot. God dammit, Moxxie."
"Satan!" Martha declared. "We return your filthy creatures back to the pits of Hell!" She raised her torch. "May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!"
Martha tossed the torch underneath Blitzo and Moxxie, who still struggled to free themselves. Ralphie laughed again. The stake soon lit up in flames...
...leaving the imps unscathed.
"Yeah sorry, that's not exactly how it works, lady," Blitzo explained. "You see, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but I mean I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard." He smirked and Millie giggled.
"Oh. Shit." Martha stared confused and rolled her eyes. "I don't have one."
Then she got a better idea and grinned. "Well, I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!" She held her rifle in her hands.
"That would be more effective," Blitzo mentioned.
"Blitz!" Millie spat.
Martha laughed manically again as she raised the rifle, two barrels pointing at the imps. The imps closed their eyes and braced for death.
A loud bang and a yelp was heard. Martha's eyeball flew from her socket and she collapsed dead to the ground.
"Moxxie!" Millie cried in relief, seeing Moxxie hold a gun in his hands. Moxxie raced over and untied Millie and Blitzo.
"You're not getting your goddam paycheck for this one, Mox!" Blitzo mentioned before he fell down. Moxxie and Millie embraced each other with small smiles. They slowly moved their heads against each other in affection. Ralphie tripped over Martha's body before fleeing the scene.
"Oh yeah, thanks! I'm fine!" Blitzo spoke out in angry sarcasm.
Moxxie helped his boss up, supporting him.
"I'm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again. I promise."
Blitzo pulled Moxxie into a hug. "Apology accepted." Then he spoke to Moxxie in a low threatening voice. "But if you ever pull off a stunt like this again, I'll fuck you and your girlfriend."
Just as fast, Blitzo separated from Moxxie and announced, "Alrighty! Job well done! Now let's get off." Millie lifted her arms in a cheer. From his chest, Blitzo pulled out a gray horse figure with a black mane like a My Little Pony toy. He put it back and pulled out a second hellphone.
"Eh. Yeah, give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house," Moxxie said.
"Okay, fine but hurry up," Blitzo said. He put his hell phone to his ear and spoke loudly, "Loona! We're ready to come home, dear!"
Moxxie raced through the woods, determined to set things right. In the background, the first phone Blitzo dropped Stolas was still talking, mentioning, "You and I on...peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all night."
Back inside the house, the boy and girl were in their father's arms in a corner.
"Don't move!" Moxxie demanded, pointing his rifle at them. The boy and girl looked scared and innocent. The girl even had a dark gray stitched up teddy bear with her.
Ralphie chucked before glowering at the imp. "What are you gonna do, little guy? Kill us?"
"I should!" Moxxie replied, stepping back. "You people are monsters!" Then he lowered the rifle. "But... you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes, justly."
He picked up a remote from a stand. "I am calling your earthly authorities and they will make sure you are dealt with, fairly. I am handing this, my way."
He pressed a button and a television turned on in the adjacent room. A black and white program played. Moxxie gasped in surprise, then looked down at the remote.
"Oh shit," he muttered. The black remote had pink and white buttons reminiscent of a smiling goofy face.
"Uh do you...do you have a phone to summon 911?"
"Yeah, it's in the kitchen," Ralphie mentioned behind him.
Moxxie held the remote. "Then what's this for?"
"It's a universal remote," Ralphie replied. "Got it for the kids." The kids smiled and he pulled them in a hug.
"Aww," Moxxie smiled, eyes shining.
Moxxie called the police and hurried back to the portal in the dark woods. When he got there he noticed Lobo was there talking to Blitzo and both turned to Moxxie.
"There he is," Blitzo said. "Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?"
"Excuse me?"
Blitzo walked over to him. "Well I don't care where you cum in the living world, just come to your job on time, alright?" He poked Moxxie several times for emphasis. "See you at the office!" He ran through the portal.
Millie placed a hand on Moxxie's cheek. "Are you doing okay, Moxxie?"
"Better now, Millie," Moxxie replied with a smile. "I think I just needed a minute to process."
Millie tenderly touched Moxxie's chest. "You have a good heart, Moxxie." She playfully pinched Moxxie's nose. "Just a fuzzy head." She kissed him on the head and Moxxie's heart fluttered. He smiled happily as Millie walked through the portal.
"You wanted to make sure her family was taken care of at least, right?" lobo asked, smiling.
"Yeah, I didn't want to leave things like that. Just didn't feel right you know?" said Moxxie looking up at Lobo in a sense of reassurance
Moxxie and Lobo heard the whirl of blades and flashes of light. They turned around. There were police cars and a helicopter in front of the house.
A voice over a loudspeaker said, "We got em' boys!"
A missile fired at the roof and the entire house exploded in a fiery inferno. Something hit Moxxie in the face. He stared at the ground and found the head of the teddy bear that had flown off. He and Lobo started with a shocked look of disbelief on their faces. The family that had a chance to be better was now dead.
Blitzo grabbed Moxxie hard by the neck with his tail and Millie grabbed lobo by the arm with her tail and pulled them through the portal.
The next day, everyone was laughing and celebrating back at the newly upgraded I.M.P. headquarters. They were all wearing birthday party hats. Loona and Matilda held slices of cake on plates. A white banner read "Killed the bitch," in red letters.
A white and blue cake sat in front of Moxxie, the blue icing read "We did it! :)" Everyone seemed joyful except for Moxxie. He still felt awful that they had killed an entire family. An evil family, but still...They had come inches to being killed or being caught by the humans. Now here they were celebrating human death.
Millie squealed for joy and hugged Moxxie tight around the neck. "Did you see my little Mox, Mox? We did it! Oh Moxxie!"
"Well here's to another mission accomplished," Blitzo announced, "...and Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up."
Moxxie just stared wordlessly at his plate, dark circles under his eyes.
"And killing people isn't that big of a deal if they try to kill you back," Millie added, rubbing Moxxie's white head of hair.
"That's messed up," Matilda said as she held Lobo arms with her as she blushed slightly, "But I paid for it!"
Everyone except Moxxie chuckled at that.
"Yeah, fuck that family!" Blitzo declared, raising a victorious fist.