Witch Doctor Homer really annoys Lisa at the state fair by letting Bart have a horse when she never gets a pony. So to make it up he takes her to Homeopathy/Hippy medicine store after Dr Payne is unable to help with Lisa's mood. However the hippy store is in the magic section of Springfield and Homer being a Nomaj can't be there. Oh and Marge brings home a living mop!
Plot
The Simpsons are at a state fair.
"Cooool! A state fair!" said Bart. Everyone was pulling Marge about.
"I wanna see Lobster boy and Shrimp girl!" said Homer.
"That sounds like a ripoff of Sharkboy and Lavagirl..." said Oscar. Hugo nodded his head.
"Shut up boy." Homer replied.
"Ah! Keep me away from that exhibit! I'm allergic!" Bart howled.
"I wanna try some fried sugar!" said Lisa.
"I wanna try some fried fish heads!" Hugo said.
"Ugh! Hugo..." Homer groaned.
"I'm gonna deep fry my shorts so I can finally eat them!" said Bart.
"Not if I eat them first..." said Oscar drooling with hunger.
Bart winced.
"Guys, you're all old enough to go on your own. Meet me back here as promised though." said Marge. Everyone except Oscar ran off. "Run along Oscar, just make sure you have your panic alarm if you get lost."
Oscar ran off.
Lisa found Ned Flanders running an aquarium with angelfish with Jesus written on them via their markings.
"Wow! Mr Flanders! How did you make such fish?" Lisa asked.
"Well actually God made some similar fish and I took some and carefully bred them for generations until I got these ones." said Ned.
Lisa had a smug look. "So, that's the origin of this species?"
"Ye- Oh hohoho! Almost got me, Lisa!" Ned chuckled at her attempt to get him to accept Evolution.
A fish hopped out of the tank and started breathing air.
"Uh uh! Back in the tank." Ned put the fish back in the tank.
Meanwhile Marge was at the home gadgets fayre with Oscar.
A man was demonstrating Omnigoggles, goggles to protect your eyes from flying elastic bands when taking them off the morning newspaper.
"Coooool! Omnigogles..." Oscar imagined he was wearing some high tech sci fi goggles.
The force of a pinging elastic band sent him flying.
The crowd gasped in horror.
"It's alright people! I'm unharmed thanks to my omnigoggles!" said the man. Everyone cheered and bought some.
"A little late for Lenny..." Lenny sighed as he had an eyepatch over his eye.
Marge saw the other exhibits such as a magic pair of scissors that can cut through a car door!
"Cooooool!" said Oscar.
Then there was an exhibit for the drain debugger. A beetle that could go down plugholes and eat the debris blocking them. Out came a beautiful butterfly.
"But where did the beetle go?" Oscar asked.
The man running the exhibit looked around nervously as he couldn't answer where the beetles go.
Bart and Hugo were watching a horse being dunked at a dunking game.
Bart felt sorry for the poor horse. He obviously was stressed.
"Dad! Do something!" said Bart.
"Okay... How much is that horse?" Homer asked.
"Oh Duncan? You can have him, he's too old to race and too dumb to be a farm animal." said the exhibit people.
"There you go Bart, your own horse..." said Homer.
...
When Lisa found out she was furious.
"He gets an elephant and a horse?! And I don't even get one small pony?!" Lisa yelled furiously. She ran off in a tantrum.
"Homer... You know Lisa loves ponies!" Marge nagged.
"Where am I going to get a few thousand dollars to buy a pony Marge?" Homer asked sarcastically.
They went home from the fair.
"See I told you they could deep fry my shirt." said Homer with a deep fried shirt.
"I didn't say they couldn't, I said you shouldn't!" said Marge.
Lisa was still mad at Homer.
Marge using her least nagging voice tried to explain to Homer about this, plus a horse was expensive.
And Comic Book Guy kept referring to the episode Lisa's pony.
"Where Homer had to get a job at the Kwik e Mart!"
"Will you shut up?!" Homer snapped at Comic Book Guy.
"It's going to cost us $500 a week to keep Duncan." Marge explained as they took Duncan home with them.
"But he'll bring us joy. Marge- unlike all your silly goo-gahs." said Homer.
"At least you don't have to feed any of the stuff I bought at the fair. Well. except the mop." said Marge.
(Slurping. Crunching) A new mop she bought was eating random sweet wrappers and things off the car floor.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Cooooool! Mutant mop!" Hugo rubbed his hands with glee.
Bart winced at his brother's response to a living mop monster.
"Marge. your pro-mop/anti-horse agenda has been clear for some time." said Homer.
Marge grumbled.
They got home.
The living mop growled at Bart.
Bart flinched.
Hugo laughed. "Coooool!"
"Quiet! Freak!" Homer snapped.
Oscar leapt at him and got into a cartoon fight cloud with him.
"Oh my! No violence in this family! Both of you!" Marge told them off.
Homer was badly bruised.
"Oscar use your words! Not your fists!" Marge reprimanded him.
"I don't take abusive crap from anyone! I was abused by my parents! I won't stand by and let anyone else be bullied or beaten! Not my buddy Hugey not Meg! Not anyone!" Oscar yelled.
"He has a point, Dad..." Lisa frowned at her dad.
"Speaking of which I am taking Hugey and Meg out to show them wuv." said Oscar hugging Hugo.
"This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us!" Bart screamed in anger.
Oscar winced.
In town.
Oscar took Hugo and Meg from Family Guy to Pink Beardy's. A frozen yogurt place.
They were eating frozen yogurt.
"Thanks for caring Oz." said Meg.
Oscar grinned while eating frozen yogurt.
At the Griffin's Peter wondered where Meg was because he wanted to fart on her.
...
Homer tries listening to her play her saxophone but she won't play and goes off in a huff when he comes in. She wouldn't even play tea party with Maggie.
"This is some good tea, Maggie!" said Homer drinking imaginary tea.
Oscar fished out his teapot from his sweater and poured real and very hot tea into one of Lisa's toy tea cups.
"Mom said no hot liquids Limey boy..." Bart sighed as he pulled the heads off of all the dolls.
"Shut up!" Oscar snapped at Bart.
Homer decides to take Lisa to the Doctor because she has a stomach ache.
"Mr Simpson your daughter's condition seems to be caused by stress. She has a stomach ulcer." said Dr Payne.
"What can you prescribe Dr?" Homer asked.
"Nothing in medicine can cure stress. But I can book Lisa into a course with the psychiatrist.
"Just book me in, Doc..." Lisa sighed.
"Each meeting is sixty dollars." said Dr Payne.
Homer screamed.
At the Simpsons house.
Oscar was being stupid again. This time he was going on and on about the dilophosaurus spitting venom into the eyes of its enemies.
"Oz, that was a movie that dramatised things... the dilophosaurus didn't actually spit venom..." Hugo sighed.
"Yes they did! Because that's cool!" Oscar yelled.
Hugo Simpson winced.
"To be fair Hugh, that scene with the venom spitting dinosaurs in Jurassic Park was cool." said Bart.
Hugo sighed. "Let's just see how your horse is doing.
Elsewhere Lisa was in a bad mood over Bart getting a horse but she still hasn't got a pony. Well she had one in Season Three.
Oscar was watching cartoons. In particular Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers.
Homer didn't get the cartoon. "Heheheh... I don't get it..."
"It's a cartoon. You're not supposed to get it." Oscar said sharply while staring at the TV.
The backyard.
Bart was feeding Duncan the horse and stroking him.
Duncan neighed and licked him.
Bart chuckled and smiled.
Lisa at the rear doors sighed unhappy, She wanted her own equine.
Also in canon she was annoyed that a rival school won the orchestra award by cheating by using glow rods so she told Bill Clinton about it.
Oscar stepped out into the yard.
"Bart loving an animal? Boy I'm more confused than Fievel was on that ship to America when all the mice were singing about there being no cats in America." said Oscar.
We cut to a cartoon street in Manhattan or somewhere in the States. There are loads of cats catching and eating mice.
"Okay who was the idiot that started that song..." The long haired hippy mouse who sang after the Italian godfather-ish mouse, yelled. The cat snatched him up in its jaws and swelled him whole. Next time go to China guys...
Lisa winced exasperated by the cutaway. "Well he does love the dog. And that elephant he had once..."
She headed up to Duncan. He is a cute horse. She thought.
"Can I feed him?" She asked Bart.
"No. he's my horse." said Bart rudely.
Lisa sighed and went off in a huff.
...
Homer drove Lisa about town.
"Look just because you make it so doesn't mean it is..." Lisa replied.
"I'll fix your stomach pains, sweetie. Oooooh, one of those crazy alternative medicine hippy stores!" said Homer.
"Dad! It's homeopathy! And I happen to like alternative natural medicine and health stores!" said Lisa. However she recognised the neighbourhood. Nearby were the Arabic bazaar salesman who sold them a Monkey's Paw in Treehouse of Horror II and next to that was the House of Evil store, then there was a fortune teller's tent and a gypsy shop. Across the road was the magic book store where Lisa bought her spell books for magic school.
"Dad! This is Quadrangle alley! You're a Nomaj! You can't be here!" Lisa explained whispering.
"Hey I can be where I want! Stupid Magical secrecy laws..." Homer replied. They went inside the homeopathy store.
"My daughter needs some hocus pocus for her stomach ache and stress. Oh... Eye of Newt..." said Homer looking through the lady shopkeeper's things.
"Um I know what can help. Try some of this." said the shopkeeper. She gave Lisa something to drink.
"Ugh! That tastes horrible!" said Lisa.
"Well you haven't lost your sense of taste then!" said the lady. "Now as for your stress I recommend a sensory deprivation chamber. She showed them two white sarcophagus like capsules filled with water. They were to put on swimming costumes and lie in them for some time.
"Some people experience vivid visions. But don't worry they can't harm you." said the lady. Homer tried to get at some pornographic magazines the shopkeeper had lying about but she shut him in his pod and put heavy bricks on the lid to hold it shut.
Plot 2
Lisa imagines colours. Then suddenly she has a vision where she's a cat.
"Oh my! I'm Snowball II!" said Lisa.
Then Maggie in the vision tried to touch her.
"Ah! No! Sticky baby hands! Get away!" Lisa as Snowball II hissed and tried to scratch Maggie.
"Bad cat! Bad cat!" Marge picked up Maggie and hit the cat with a broom. Lisa screamed as the vision ended.
"Well that was weird! I wonder how Dad's doing?"
Homer in his pod was singing Witch Doctor by a band called The Cartoons.
(Homer singing) Yes he sings Witch Doctor...
Lisa sighed. "Never mind, I don't want to know..." she then had another vision.
"Ah an image is forming." It was a sandwich, with meat in it.
"Oh! A sandwich! Yeeeuck! It's full of meat! Oooooh bacon... Canadian bacon! Mexican bacon! Oh and a veal chop... (Drools and gurgles like Homer) No! I won't be tempted! I'm vegetarian now!" said Lisa. "Oh no! I'm eating it! Wait! I'm Dad now! And I'm at a ballet show." Lisa was Homer in the vision.
"Now I'm sleeping? Well I do feel rather tired..." said Lisa.
"Dad!" yelled the Lisa in the vision. "You're snoring is distracting the performers!"
The dancers were angry at Homer.
"I'm sorry Lisa, I was just resting my eyes! Gee she's mad at me! Oh! Where did my sandwich go?!"
The vision ended.
"Wow! I can really be a pain!" said Lisa. "And poor Dad forces himself to take me to places he doesn't like! He really does care!"
Lisa got out of her pod to find Homer still singing "Witch Doctor".
Well in canon he went on a journey, oh and the bailiffs took all of the store keeper lady's things because she was behind on her bills.
Homer sang Witch Doctor from inside the white pod.
"Dad!"
"Hi Honey!" said Homer.
"I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time over a pony." Lisa apologized.
"That's okay honey, I'll get you a pony one day..." said Homer, covered in bruises. "I went on a wonderful journey..."
"Next Daddy-Daughter Day we'll try something you like, Dad." Lisa promised.
Next Saturday they went to a destruction derby.
Lisa winced as the cars violently crashed into each other and one blew up.
...
At home, Lisa found Bart had given Duncan a makeover... he had a blue Mohawk, tribal tattoos and a nose ring.
"What have you done to poor Duncan?" Lisa asked.
"He's Furious D now." said Bart proudly.
"Eeeeew! Is that my ear ring as a nose ring?!" Lisa asked in disgust.
"Yeah... Hehehehe!" Bart giggled. "Want it back?"
"Eeeeew! No!" Lisa groaned before running off.
Bart laughed.
"Hey! I thought you getting to keep him was that you had to help muck him out!" said Hugo, clearing away horse poop.
"It's far more enjoyable watching you do it." Bart replied.
...
Homer was having a bath one evening while singing Witch Doctor.
Oscar walking past the bathroom grimaced exasperated.
"Homer! Stop singing that annoying song!" Marge told him off. Homer sighed and scrubbed himself.
Marge was downstairs being harassed by the living mop that eats things. It growled at her. Marge stood on a stool.
Bart came in and grimaced at such madness.
They went back to the state fair to give back Duncan/Furious D.
"No, Dad! Please!" Bart begged.
"You knew the rules. Help clean up his poop, not make your brother do all the work." said Homer.
Oscar and Lisa were buying refreshments. Oscar got some cotton candy.
"Mmmmm! Edible cotton wool..." said Oscar. "Did you know Will Ferrel and I once ate all the cotton wool balls when we had to go to the doctor's?"
Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf and Oscar were in a doctor's surgery eating the cotton wool balls.
Buddy's father told them to stop. Buddy continues so he grabs his arm with the cotton wool ball only to find Buddy tricked him and pulls the cotton wool ball from behind his ear and eats it.
In the present Lisa sighed.
Homer reluctantly let Bart keep Furious D if he ran a few errands.
"First up get back my watch I accidentally flushed down the toilet." said Homer one morning in the en suite bathroom.
"How am I supposed to that..." said Bart.
"You can stretch can't you? As Stretchdude!"
Bart sighed and turned into Stretchdude and stretched his arm down the toilet to receive Homer's watch. He retrieved it.
"Good, now retrieve my keys and wallet you flushed down there as a baby." said Homer.
"Dad. That was at our old flat..." said Bart. "We're miles away now..."
"Just do it..." said Homer.
Bart sighed.
...
Bart was then enrolled in riding school as a jockey. It was just like Lisa's pony except with evil jockeys!
The jockeys would whip Bart and Furious D with their riding crops.
Bart explained this back home.
"Oh my!" said Marge.
"How uncivilised!" Lisa frowned.
"Son, what your horsey needs is a little blue pill..." said Homer.
"Homer! You're not giving Duncan performance enhancing drugs..." said Marge.
"Why?" Homer asked.
"Because people who take them are wrong!" said Marge.
"Wrong?!" Homer gasped. "Marge if Liza Minnelli is wrong then I don't want to be right!"
In a make up and get ready room with a lightbulb mirror.
"Liza Minnelli you're on..." said a director.
"Oh come on baby! Mama needs some spark!" said Liza Minnelli with a tan for some reason.
"Lady! I'm just a blue M&M! I'm chocolate in a sugary shell! Get some help!" said a blue M&M.
Bart then decided to teach Furious D how to defend himself. After some coaching he did because next race he grabbed the jockeys and threw them off their horses.
However he also taught Furious D to showboat and be just as bad a sport. We see Bart and Furious D doing various antics each race.
"Bart! Showboating is poor sportsmanship!" Lisa lectured him.
Meanwhile Mr Herbert from Family guy thought the jockeys were children. Yeeeeeuck!
"Sir I'm fourty five..." said a jockey in a normal man's voice.
"This whole place is a mindf**k!" said Mr Herbert.
Homer then went to pick up Bart but got kidnapped by jockeys and found himself in their magical fantasy world!
They sung in high pitched voices (And some really deep voices for some of them.) about how Bart was humiliating them and had to lose. If not they'd eat Homer's skin.
"Oh! A chocolate river!" Homer sees a chocolate river and drinks from it.
"Hey! We've been bathing in that!" said the jockeys.
Homer spat out the chocolate in disgust.
They started singing again.
"Not win?" sung Homer.
"Not win. Not draw!" sung the jockeys.
"My son must looooooose!" sung Homer.
He was kicked out through a secret hatch. "Hmmmm! Was that all a dream?"
"No! You must lose!" said a jockey popping out of the hatch.
...
"Dad I'm not throwing the game..." said Bart annoyed at Homer for suggesting he throw the game.
Homer saw some jockeys and was nervous. The jockeys hissed like snakes at him.
"Anyhoo I've got fifteen minutes to do my defence against the dark arts homework." said Bart. He got out a school book. "Jockeys. Small humans commonly mistaken for pixies..."
Suddenly he found himself surrounded by the jockeys looking angry. "Sooooo! You know our secret wizard boy?" said the head jockey.
"No offence but I kinda twigged you guys weren't very nice from the start." said Bart taking out his magic wand.
"Ha! I bet you don't even know how to use that thing!" said a jockey.
"Kablam!" said Bart inflicting a forceful blast of magic that sent the jockeys flying away from him. They ran away once they found their feet. "There, let that be a lesson to you!" Bart called after them.
...
Lisa was at instrument recital class at school.
["Stars and Stripes Forever"]
"Those stars and stripes Those crazy stripes Let's end together Yea!" I, uh, I don't think that's the words to Stars and Stripes Forever...
(sighs) "You'll have to do a lot better than that. Especially since we've just been accepted in the school band competition at the county fair! I'm sorry. I mean the state fair." said Mr Largo.
Kids cheered.
"I hate to be a killjoy. but do you really think... we can win playing "Stars and Stripes Forever"? It's so Beginner Band. And we're Advanced Beginner Band." said Lisa.
"This is Band?" said Hugo in a feral manner as he should have said "So this is band practice?"
"Yes Hugo. This is band practice. Why are you even here if you don't even have an instrument..." Lisa sighed.
"I thought this art class..." said Ralph drawing on his drum.
"Very well. Lisa. What rousing Sousa march would you have us play?" Mr Larho asked annoyed.
"Well. I thought maybe for once we could play a song that wasn't written by Sousa." said Lisa.
"You mean something... just arranged by Sousa?" Mr Largo asked.
"No. something fresh and bold." said Lisa.
"Well. darling. you have lost me." said Mr Largo.
"How about something cool. like "Camptown Races"?" said Oscar.
"Hey. Grandpa. the Civil War's over." said Lewis.
Grampa Simpson who everyone calls Grandpa or Grampa jabbered furiously. "You're not to big for me to tan your hide!"
Oscar glared at Lewis. "Why you! Camp town races sing this song! Doo dah! Doo dah! Camp town races sing this song! Doo doo dah daaaaaaay!"
"Oscar we're not doing Camp Town Races..." Mr Largo sighed.
"How about "Little Brown Jug"? Ya. ha. ha Hee. hee. hee Little brown jug how I love thee " Nelson sang.
"Oh! Stop with your devil music. Lisa." Ned snapped as he was there for some reason to make a religious analogy. "this is all your fault."
"Hey. the blonde broad's got a point." said a greaser kid in a black jacket. Either that or an eighties Office Guy with a pork pie hat and his jacket over his shoulder as a kid. "We need something with a little ring-a-ding-ding."
"Take your arm off me." Lisa snapped as she did not like the greaser kid/Eighties kid for some reason.
"Ooh. this kitten's got claws." said the Greaser kid/Eighties Kid.
"Johnny enough! I'm not interested in you!" Lisa whined.
"Hey leave her alone! She's spoken for! She's my girlfriend..." said Milhouse glaring at Johnny the greaser/Eighties kid. Then he made bedroom eyes at Lisa.
"Uh no! We're not!" Lisa explained sharply.
"Okay. We'll do a different song. Who cares? They all end up sounding the same anyway." said Mr Largo.
"What a fruit fly." said the eighties kid.
Lisa winced.
Plot 3
After school the kids came home to the living mop going on a rampage.
(Mop growling)
"Mom get rid of that mop..." Bart groaned.
"The mop is just hungry." Marge fed the mop.
"Mom. Mops can't eat! They're not alive, they can't breathe! And they can't sleep! So it's not alive! I have no idea what that thing is or how it came about, but it has to go!" Bart ranted.
"No I want Mom to keep it! I like freaky things like a mop that eats! Mwuhahahaha!" Hugo laughed.
Bart growled and went off to his room.
"I wonder if the next time we go to a state fair we can bring back a living umbrella or something." said Hugo.
"In Japanese mythology if you keep an umbrella around for a century it comes to life as an umbrella yokai!" said Oscar.
"Coooooool!" said Hugo.
...
In canon a rival school cheated at the band fair competition with glow sticks.
Lisa instead was playing her saxophone.
Up in the attic Hugo was performing some sort of mad science experiment again.
"Oz pass me the peroxide. The flask that is labelled peroxide..." said Hugo.
Oscar was laughing maniacally because there was a squirrel on a box in the attic.
"Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel." Hugo snapped shooing away the squirrel.
(Chittering.)
Oscar sighed and passed him the peroxide.
Anyway in canon this story is called Saddlesore Galactica. So Cylons attacked.
"Oz! No!" Bart groaned as Cylons attacked. However they saw R2D2 and C3PO, the gay robots from Star Wars and attacked them instead.
"Good heavens!" C3PO gasped.
"Must end life in Lorne Green pose! Best death, ever!" said Oscar doing the Lorne Green death pose.
Hugo winced.
...
Bart and Lisa were grooming Furious D in the backyard.
"He's a diving horse. Maybe he could dive for pearls." said Hugo.
"Pearls. eh?" Homer asked.
There was a ridiculous dream scene where he slept on a bed of pearls and a sentient pearl served him a bowl of pearls.
"Breakfast is served." said the pearl butler.
Homer ate the pearls and broke all of his teeth. He laughed at his toothless reflection.
"Uh okay..." said Bart.
In the kitchen the mop growled at the cat.
The cat hissed.
"Mom! The curtains are on fire!" Lisa gasped.
Marge put the fire out with a Wonder Woman fire extinguisher. It had a picture of Wonder Woman and some boxer on it.
There were still Cylons marching about. The new ones that can resemble humans are scary.
Also Xena Aka Lucy Lawless is a Cylon! That's even scarier...
Bart as Stretchdude winced exasperated.
"Bart. I need extra drinking money. How about you take part in a few races with Furioue D?" Homer asked sharply.
"D doesn't like the evil murderous jockeys..." said Bart. "And Oscar keeps laughing at my horse riding gear.
Bart was wearing a hat, a tweed jacket and jodhpurs.
Oscar laughed at him.
Bart sighed.
Duncan licked him.
Bart stroked his horse.
...
Meanwhile Lisa had to deal with a kid pretending he was Frank Sinatra doing a nine to five office job who fancied her. He was chewing on a small lollipop.
"Oh quit bothering me! Yuppie Guppy! I am not interested!" said Lisa.
At a Christian academy Todd was playing his violin in the band class. No Matt he is not in Springfield Elementary. He is in a Christian school...
The Nun teaching praised his performance.
At the race track.
Bart was riding his horse in his cute Krusty feety pyjamas.
Then Peter Griffin's brain damaged horse was stumbling about erratically and crashing into things like the stands and causing several hundred deaths.
Bart winced.
And Homer sang Witch Doctor again.
(Singing)
Bart was exasperated by that too.
Then the last thing to bother him were the evil jockeys.
Evil jockeys were chasing him on their horses.
Bart groaned and rode Furious D home.