(A/N): Leo, Jerremyah and Lisbet talk about the 'vampire side' of the vampire population, discuss a certain Seer, and Leo reveals some stuff about the early days with his father, and coming to terms with being a half-vampire.

Trigger Warnings: References to Self-Harm, and also some mentions of vomiting/vomit. Sort of references to what could be considered neglect? Also blood and blood drinking, but that kind of goes without saying.

Leo

So Jerremyah didn't trust his vampire side, and probably never would- hey, maybe we could start a club or something. It wasn't shocking to me in the slightest that this was the case, but what was news to me, was how he'd taken care to differentiate between certain things. Mind and body, trust versus belief, the vampire side and the- well, the Jerremyah side, I guess.

He'd said he believed in his mind, that he had the mental fortitude to make it through anything, even if he didn't come out the other side unscathed. Me, I... I didn't trust my mind. It wasn't just that I was worried about the vampire side taking over, but I was all too aware of the fact that it was my mind that'd driven me to hurt myself- even when the urge to hurt other people had all but passed. By his definition, I believed in the strength of my body, and by now I had proof that I could withstand quite serious harm- by someone else's hand, as well as my own- but I didn't trust- I didn't trust that my body would remain harmless in the way I needed it to, either because the vampire had taken control, or someone else had. Not to mention the fact that I'd hurt people accidentally, without the vampire side of me being involved in the slightest.

I had the feeling this was exactly what Jerremyah wanted me to be thinking about- he wanted me to be forming an opinion on how I felt about these things, which was unfortunate for him, considering that that was exactly what I didn't want to do right now. "Do you know of anyone that does trust their vampire side?" The corner of his lips twitched upward ever so slightly, as if he knew I was trying to avoid it- like he'd expected me to do so.

He pondered this for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Khal, probably, though he has a bit of an unfair advantage." Who? "CJ might be at the point of feeling disciplined enough to think that his vampire side is an indispensable tool that he has no choice but to rely on. Nuria doesn't trust anyone or anything, and her vampire side is no exception. Sidonie... God only knows what she's thinking. Even Grey doesn't- well. On that note, Grey. He's... I don't think anything I can tell you about Grey will do him justice. He's- his self control is far better than mine- better than anyone I've ever met, even Nicholai. I haven't asked him how he feels about it, honestly." Because this was a concept he'd only turned his attention to recently, or because he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer?

"Speaking of Khal," Lisbet murmured against my jaw, which made me sit up and pay attention- figuratively, at least. There he was again, this new person- a vampire, clearly- but who was he, and why was Lisbet bringing him up for a second time? "There's... we'll talk about it more later- tomorrow, maybe. It's- it's nothing bad, and not even necessarily- it doesn't have to be anything, if you don't want it to be." Which was somehow less reassuring than if she'd heaped the weight of her full expectations upon my shoulders. "It was Jerremyah's idea." She admitted, and that... that actually made me feel a bit better. I was fairly confident, at this point, that if I tried to back out of it, he'd let me do it- maybe even assist me in doing so, knowing him, and depending on how helpful he thought it'd be for me. And if Jerremyah thought it'd be helpful... he was probably right.

He may not have trusted his own judgement, but I was starting to... and even if I wasn't quite there yet on the trust front, I did believe that he wanted what was best for me- if only because I was technically the leader of his new clan. "...okay." She nodded.

"It's- I think it could help you. If- well, it's complicated. Khal is- he has a particular... gift." The way she said it made me think that maybe 'gift' wasn't the right word- but was it inaccurate, or just insufficient?

"He can see the future." Jerremyah explained without prompting, and I couldn't help the way my eyes widened at this revelation.

"A seer?" Lisbet winced at my incredulous inquiry, and at first, I wasn't sure why.

"I... yes, Khal- Khaldun- is a seer. He's also Nuria's best friend, and he's- he's a good man. He's nothing to be scared of." Why would I- oh. Oh.

Maybe I should've seen that coming, given the fact that she'd led with him having the ability to see the future, but I hadn't. I'd been completely blindsided, and even if the idea hadn't bothered me, that would have. But the idea did bother me, though I wasn't sure I could quite put why into words. "Good for him." Lisbet tilted her head to the side slightly, as if her disapproval at my sharp tone was a particularly heavy earring she'd recently decided to wear.

"Don't be-" She cut herself off, her mouth twisting into a grimace. "I was going to say 'don't be difficult', but knowing you, you'd take that to heart, and think that I want you to- I don't know, hide your emotions and do whatever I say in a bid to be agreeable, and therefore, 'easy'. Easy to deal with, that is." I shrugged tersely at her all too accurate assessment.

"Probably," I agreed, which made her eyes narrow. "I know what you're angling for, and I can't say I like the idea, but I'll allow you the opportunity to try to persuade me." Her eyebrows furrowed, drawing downward even as her face softened, looking quite touched- though it didn't entirely cover her concern.

"Thank you, Nounours." Then, she returned to the previous subject. "I trust my vampire side, for the most part. It's part of me, and I've gotten used to it, as much as I suspect I ever will." She hesitated. "Speaking of my suspicions," Uh oh, that didn't sound good, especially given her prior hesitation. "I suspect that you might- well... new vampires- young, vampires- tend to have more trouble... coming to terms, with the fact that they now share a brain with a supernatural creature. I don't think that... I think all of those problems still apply to you, despite never having actually been turned. Fifteen years isn't that long to have been a vampire, and you only found out what you were when you were seven." I shrugged.

"Technically, I still didn't know what I was until Brooke told me I was part veela. And the vampire side didn't really make itself know until a while after I learned about it." Lisbet blinked as though this was news to her- it probably was. I think Shari had been apprised of the situation a bit more readily than Lisbet had been, considering she'd been a part of my training a little earlier. "Probably some sort of built in insurance that there won't be blood thirsty infants running around the place- or, well, wriggling around the place. I'll have to ask Herc if he has any more insight on that than I do." Lisbet looked more than slightly uncomfortable with this- the baby thing, not me asking Herc.

"But blood thirsty children are any better?" I shrugged again.

"To be completely fair," I said, as judiciously as I could. "I didn't enjoy drinking blood until well after I- well, 'enjoy' is a strong word. I still don't enjoy drinking blood-" Except maybe Elaine's. "-but the taste is-" I went silent, but I couldn't stop my cheeks from flushing.

Luckily for me, Jerremyah grinned- though I could barely call it that, since it was at least halfway to a grimace. "Yeah," He said, and I felt the weight of knowledge imbued in it. If there was anyone I could count on to understand the simultaneously appealing and revolting nature of drinking blood, I knew it would be Jerremyah. "It's not always..." He trailed off, and Lisbet took up the reins.

"It didn't taste good to you at first?" I hesitated, then shook my head.

"No. Dad had to- I tried to refuse, and it took him weeks to convince me to even try it. Then months after that, to convince me to try it again- and I managed to just barely keep it down, the second time." Lisbet's eyebrows furrowed, and she looked both troubled and concerned by this- even though it was nearly seven years past, now.

"You didn't keep it down the first time?" I shook my head again.

"No, of course not." Her eyes widened minutely, as if I had said something shocking, rather than just confirming what she already knew. "Painted our shoes and the floor bloody; spent the rest of the night crying in the bathroom, trying to get the vomit out of my shoes." The crease between her eyebrows only got deeper.

"Why didn't Nicholai just magic them clean?" I shrugged.

"I think he was trying to give me space- besides, I- I needed to do it myself. To take care of my possessions myself, rather than rely on other people to do it."

Her mouth dropped open, gaping slightly as she stared at me, clearly appalled- for whatever reason. "He didn't... did he talk to you? Try to comfort you?" I tilted my head at her, trying to accurately convey just how amusing I found that concept.

"No, of course not," I echoed my earlier statement, closely followed by another slight shrug. "He wasn't much of a talker, and honestly, I didn't really want to talk to him at that point, either." I saw Jerremyah shift out of the corner of my eye, drawing my attention to him- and his deeply furrowed brow.

"Why not?" I hesitated, then shook my head. There was nothing I could tell them, without having to expand on the subject- and talking about them, meant nothing but danger. Danger I wasn't willing to risk bringing down on their heads.

"It's a long story."

(A/N): Leo: 'I still don't ENJOY drinking blood-'

Leo: 'Except maybe Elaine's.'

Jerremyah: 'Funny the way things work out like that.'

Lisbet: 'Predictable...'

Translations (French):

Nounours = Teddy Bear