Notes:
[6.7k words]
Trigger warnings:
Mentions of death
Mentions of war
Panic attacks
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Gerson asked. "Like triple sure?"
Asgore's frown deepened. "If I don't, they will slaughter us."
The turtle scoffed, saying. "We'll be slaughtered either way."
"You know what I mean." He snapped.
"And you know what I mean as well."
Asgore remained mute, fully aware of what Gerson was saying. Though he didn't dare to confess it.
By declaring war on humanity, this will no longer be a matter of tensions, but of full-fledged war.
"Time and time again, we've given them a chance," Asgore said after a moment, turning to look Gerson in the eyes. "But every single time, they've lied and mocked us, Gerson."
The turtle stayed silent, not denying that fact because he and Asgore were painfully aware of how true that statement was.
Asgore's well aware that he's giving the humans what they want, and he's well aware that after declaring war on them, the humans will attempt to demonise them. This declaration, however, was not just for the humans. This declaration was for the humans' betrayal, for his parents' deaths, for the pride of monster kind, and most importantly, for every lie they told the monsters.
"Do you think that's fair to us?" He asked in a strained yet stern tone.
Gerson frowned, eyebrows creased. "No, not at all." He answered after a brief moment. "But there are other ways to go about it."
"Like what?"
"Like not declaring a war?" Gerson said with a sigh, looking out the crack of the window to see the shutter of cameras and of large cameras being pointed towards either a reporter or the castle. News reporters wanting a story, no doubt. They'll be getting one of course. One that'll be written into history, that is. "This'll backfire on us, y'know? They're far more prepared than we are, not to mention they outnumber us and we don't have the same raw strength as they do."
Asgore took a step forward, growling with each word. "So we continue to let them kill us until there's none of us left? Is that what you're suggesting?"
"I don't know, Asgore!" Gerson snapped, stomping his foot down. "I just don't want a war!"
"Neither do I, but it must be done! We cannot let them keep stepping all over us like we're some grass!"
"Your parents-!"
Asgore cut him off with a sentence he heard parroted to him too many times these past 6 months. "'Were trying to ease tensions,' yes, Gerson! I'm fully aware of that fact! But you can't deny that despite their best efforts, it was all in vain!"
"The entire reason there're tensions between us is because humans are scared we'll hurt them! You're only provoking them to kill us! Your parents knew this! And I thought you would've as well-"
"They've provoked us first! They had no reason to kill my parents or that chancellor besides fear! This has been going on for far too long and I am not willing to endanger my people by ignoring the problem!" Asgore yelled with such ferocity that it could've echoed across the empire. Maybe it did? There was no doubt in Gerson's mind that the people in the castle could hear their argument, but he didn't care at the moment, he just wanted Asgore to see reason.
"Asgore, this will only result in-"
"Stop being a coward, Gerson." Asgore leaned in close, practically growling each word in a voice that didn't sound like him anymore.
Gerson half-heartedly glared, defeated and tired of their incessant and fruitless fighting. "I'm not being a coward."
"Gerson." He said in a warning voice, heavy in each syllable. "I will only say this once: I'm declaring this war. I don't care what you demand, or what you believe is right. There will be no more excuses or buts. Do I make myself clear?"
"Asgore-"
"Are you forgetting that I'm a king now? That I was and am a born prince to this kingdom?" Asgore asked, his eyes darkened. "I may be your friend, but my people are just as important."
And that was it, wasn't it?
Gerson will never truly understand this sort of thinking, not yet, just like how Kris or Toriel will never understand leadership unless they're leaders themselves.
Gerson, as he watched Asgore turn around and walk away, realised that he had severely underestimated him. Realised that everyone severely underestimated him.
He wasn't a gullible man oblivious to the atrocities of the world, nor to his own flaws, being painfully aware of them. He wasn't a happy-go-lucky man who always smiled, even when the world and fate stepped all over him.
He was the type of man who would always make terrible mistakes like this if pushed too far. He was the type of man who tried his best in the worst situation. The type to give too much until there was nothing left to give.
Gerson had a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time he made a mistake like this.
Asgore sighed, his eyes sunken and his brows perpetually pinched together. His pen scratched the sheet in front of him, his eyes sore from staring at words all week.
Two years had passed since he declared war, and he had grown weary in that time.
He was exhausted from writing, writing, writing. It seemed that that was all he was good for these days. But it had to be done. Because if he didn't do this paperwork, there was always a chance it would come back to bite him. Karma or whatever it was called.
He'd passed out from exhaustion too many times in the previous year, but he knew that in the end, his health didn't matter. Mostly because the situation seemed to be working against him for the past two years. The majority of the kingdom's population had fled to neighbouring kingdoms, and the majority of humans had turned against them, with the few remaining humans who were fighting on their side wearing the Delta Rune emblem.
He wasn't angry or upset or disappointed.
He was just tired.
He needed sleep, he wanted sleep.
But he couldn't. Not yet.
Monsters weren't winning the war, being mercilessly slaughtered. And out of the five hundred monsters that came back alive from the previous battle, only two hundred survived. A staggering three hundred had died. More would've died had Gerson not told them to pull out.
And how did this war start again?
Right, humans were scared that monsters would steal their souls.
He wasn't all that free from guilt either, considering the fact that he played right into the humans hands willingly out of anger.
But, and this is where Gerson, Wing dings, Toriel, and Kris grew perplexed by his reasoning, he simply didn't care. He was tired of the tensions between the two races, resentful of how humans treated them, frustrated that, that's all it took for humans to turn on them, angry that his parents died the way they did, despondent that monsters were being slaughtered, and remorseful that this was all he could do—paperwork.
He was just so tired of everything.
He deeply regrets willingly playing into the humans hands. But even then, that was all he could do for his people, for his friends, and, even if he knew they would disagree with his petty reasons, his parents as well.
He doesn't regret declaring this war, he just regrets playing into the humans hands.
They're winning. He knows they're winning. He knows they'll lose. But he doesn't know how badly. Will they spare them? Asgore doubts it.
The door to his office opened then, revealing Gaster.
"What do you want?" He asked, his voice devoid of any rest.
[Take a break.] Gaster asked of him.
He sighed, unbothering to look up from the sheet. "You know as well as I do that I cannot leave this be until later."
Gaster began walking in. [I am not asking.]
"I cannot leave this be."
Wing Dings reached out and pulled his face to him, looking Asgore in the eyes with a stern face, as he signed. [I am sure the kingdom will not be in disrepair if you let it be for a few minutes.]
"Gaster-"
"Asgore." Wing Dings croaked, stopping Asgore from speaking. "Take a break."
He switched back to signing. [You haven't slept since yesterday morning.] Asgore opened his mouth to refute, and Gaster swiftly cut him off. [And don't deny it, I know this is true.]
Asgore furrowed his brows, beginning to wave Gaster off, because he didn't need a break. There was a war, and he had to take care of it. There was no need to rest. Not yet.
"A few more hours, Dr. Gaster, that is all I need." Asgore attempted to negotiate again.
[And you can do that after you take a break.] Gaster sighed, pulling Asgore's face back as he began to hover back to the paperwork. [Fresh eyes will do you well.]
"This isn't some artwork." Asgore growled, though his half-hearted glare didn't match his voice. "This could potentially save or kill a life."
Gaster arched a brow, gazing at the paperwork he was currently doing, before he looked back at him with a disbelieving gaze. [Yes, because doing finances, something Gerson is in charge of, will make or break something.]
Asgore huffed through his nose. "I cannot let Gerson do something on his own."
Gaster levelled him a look. [And he isn't. He has a team of people. You don't.]
"Like I said, I cannot let him do it alone."
[Are you listening? I said he isn't.]
"We cannot leave these matters be—"
[For a few minutes, Asgore—]
"If we let them be, we will fall behind again—"
[You being stubborn will only cause damage—]
"And you know what happened last time because I was distracted—"
[That won't happen again, Asgore—]
"Gerson had to take charge, and If I let more monsters die because of foolish mistakes like me sending them into a trap again—"
[Asgore, stop being so scared—]
"It'll be catastrophic, and I don't think we'll come back from-"
"Asgore." Gaster tried again, his voice raspier than last time. "Take. A. Break."
They both levelled each other with a look, gazes unrelenting as the minutes ticked by.
Asgore wanted to scream at Gaster and tell him that he simply can't. He can't take a break, because this was his responsibility as a king and the person in charge of this kingdom. He had to make sure they didn't horrendously lose in the war, had to make sure his people weren't killed brutally all of because of a simple fear.
If he falls back again, there might be another mistake, and it could cost more lives then it did last time. Maybe even cause monster kind to go extinct, and he wasn't willing for something like that to happen again, because it could potentially spiral into killing Toriel and Gerson and Kris and Gaster, like what happened to his parents, and he didn't know if he had the strength to continue if something like that were to happen again. He wouldn't be able to live with himself. He didn't want anyone to die, because if they died, if everyone died, it would be the entirety of the monster's race extinction, and it would be his fault. He had to. He had to keep working, he had to-
"Asgore," Gaster brought him out of his thoughts, not noticing how heavy and laboured his breathing had gotten. [You will only kill us if you keep persisting in this endeavour. Taking a break won't kill anyone. I promise.]
Asgore sighed through his nose, frustrated and desperate. "That's a foolish promise." He said, his heart beating rapidly and his mind chanting for him to get back to work and just kick him out of his office because he needed to work.
But he didn't, instead staring him in the eyes because this was Gaster. The man who was just as oblivious as himself to social cues, the man who liked the piano, the man who was a nerd for science.
It was rare for them to actually get a moment together alone, not without something or someone intruding—whether that intrusion was for them hanging out as friends or something as simple as a hi—or for their own schedules to get in each other's way.
Simply put, he was his friend.
And the angel only knows how hard he's been on his friends these past years.
[Have I ever broken a promise?] Gaster asked.
And Asgore wasn't sure why, but he rolled his eyes, snarking. "I can name a few."
Gaster arched a brow, crossing his arms and leaning against the bookshelf behind him. [Please, name one.]
The monster stared at him for a moment, both of them unbreaking their eye contact, before finally, Asgore relented with a sigh.
"I…" Asgore huffed through his nose, frustrated. "I suppose I could take a break."
Gaster sagged as if pressure had been released from his shoulders, even managing a tiny smile that looked more exhausted than his usual grins. [Good, Toriel is waiting in the garden.]
"Not Kris and Gerson?"
[Gerson is making a few phone calls and, well, you know how Kris is. They usually follow Gerson around like a puppy.]
Asgore huffed amusedly, as Gaster began walking towards him. [Though, they both wished you the best of luck.]
"Ah… I see…"
Gaster lifted his hand from the desk as he gave it a gentle squeeze. [Now come on, it's been a while since we went to the garden together.]
Asgore didn't stand from his chair yet, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you so worried about me?"
Gaster scoffed, as if he had said something stupid. [Am I not supposed to?]
He stared at him, and the doctor's eyes widened.
[You truly do not believe that, right?]
Asgore didn't answer for a moment.
Gaster cupped Asgore's chin with both his hands, staring him in the eyes. "Asgore, I care. I truly do care for you."
Asgore lightly laughed, though it came out as more of a scoff. "You should stop speaking, you will further damage your throat like that."
"Asgore-"
"Wing Dings, it is fine."
Gaster thinned his lips, but didn't say anything further, simply nodding and accepting the bold-faced lie. [Then let us go to the garden.]
Toriel saw two figures from a distance come into view, Gaster leading Asgore into the garden. Asgore hardly acknowledged her presence as he entered the garden, most likely not noticing her based on the glazed look in his eyes. She was pleased, but all the same worried about how tired Asgore looked, no doubt the burden of his people's fate weighing heavily on him.
Worry for Asgore gnawed in her chest like a hungry dog barking for more food. He hadn't slept as of late, and getting him to eat was a chore nowadays. Toriel had wanted to get Asgore and convince him to take a break, but she had a feeling that Dr. Gaster would have better luck than her getting him out of that office for once. And he did.
As much as she instantly wanted to approach him and comfort him, Gaster caught her eyes and he shook his head. She understood the simple request, stepping back and watching Gaster bring him to the Flower bed and speak a few hushed words. They shared words for a moment, and after a few minutes, Dr. Gaster joined her side a few minutes later after the goat monster shrugged him off.
"Did he push you away?" Toriel asked.
[I wouldn't be standing here, would I?] He snarked, and even though his smile was meant to be teasing, it appeared pitifully exhausted.
"Still, I'm glad you brought him here. I was worried."
He sighs through his nose. [We all were.]
Their conversation died out then as Toriel and Dr. Gaster stood by each other's side for a time, watching the goat monster from a distance collect flowers.
It wasn't the same anymore. Nothing was the same. And she could immediately tell that was the case, judging by the shifty motions of Dr. Gaster and Asgore's languid movements as he picked the flowers. Even she herself wasn't feeling up to the warm day today.
For these past two years, it was just work and mourning. They've been trying to be optimistic, keeping up a smiling mask for their people and each other, and it was obvious it wasn't working, but she knows and they know that they're only smiling to keep themselves hopeful.
She was tired.
She was dearly tired.
Toriel looked up at the sky that was far too blue for the days ahead of them, the gentle breeze brushing against her fur as she let out a sigh.
She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
Dr. Gaster let out a sigh as well, Toriel turning to look at him. "Are you alright?"
[Are you alright?] Dr. Gaster asked back.
"No, but I supposed you knew that." She remarked bitterly.
[Yes, well, we all aren't okay. I-] he didn't have the chance to finish.
"Of course we aren't." She snapped.
[I-]
"But you don't get to say that because you haven't seen what the wars are really like."
And oh dear, she really doesn't mean to snap on dr. Gaster like this.
She really wanted to stop, but she just couldn't.
Toriel was just so tired of this pity and half-assed comfort from people that really don't know what they're talking about.
"You just stand in the background with your thumb up your ass oblivious to everything me and Gerson have been doing to keep this kingdom afloat. So please, don't comfort me."
He and Asgore and Kris will never understand what it's like to kill and watch a person's soul shatter, because he's never been on the field like her and Gerson, because they've never had to take a life and gain stupid LV points they'll never have a use for.
She was tired of it all. She just really wanted to run away from it all, and the only thing holding her back was Asgore, because she knows how hard he's been working, and she knows he's failing miserably. Because, for some reason, she's holding onto the hope that he would just quit trying this useless endeavour and maybe just run away like her.
Dr. Gaster blinked, no doubt wondering where this anger came from. [I… wasn't doing anything of the sort.]
Toriel sighed through her nose. "No, I…"
She shook her head, unsure of where her anger came from as well. Even if she wanted to scream and kick like a little kid, she wasn't a little girl anymore. The world was unfair, dreadfully so, and it takes a war for anyone to know how painfully true that statement was.
"I'm sorry. I'm just tired." She said, and she really was, but she also knows that doesn't excuse her actions, so she reiterated. "I'm sorry for snapping at you like that, just… I needed to get that out."
[It's alright…]
"No, it's not." Toriel stated firmly. "I shouldn't be taking my anger out on you."
Dr. Gaster works just as hard as any of them. He doesn't deserve this type of treatment simply because she was bitter.
He didn't respond to her statement, which was fine with her, though the silence became unbearable the longer it went on.
She didn't like the silence anymore. Sometimes it was too overbearing, and occupying her mind with wild imagination was just too little to cover it.
Not when she heard it one too many times in war.
Because in war, silence was a terrible thing.
Something that could sneak up on a person in a creeping, disgusting, ugly sort of way.
"You love Asgore." Toriel suddenly claimed, which caused Dr. Gaster to fluster and sputter unintelligibly.
She wasn't sure why she said it. She knows she wanted to fill in the empty space, but she wasn't sure if it was just that or it was curiosity as well. Maybe it was both? She wasn't sure.
Either way, her depressing thoughts, anger and bitterness, and the eerie silence from earlier was long forgotten.
He whipped his head around to look at her with such substantial force, Toriel thought for a second that he would get whiplash. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide, completely in shock and not expecting for Toriel to have either noticed or for her to call him out on it.
He waved his hands for a moment, thinking of a response, before he slowly signed in an unsure manner. […Yes, I do.]
Toriel almost frowned. Almost. After all, this was her fiance, the man she was going to marry and the man that she loved and who loved her back. It'd be unhealthy for Dr. Gaster to hold on to a love he can't have.
Likewise, a part of her mind hummed, though she ignored it.
But, she supposed he just couldn't have not noticed the brightness that was Asgore. Anyone would have found it hard not to notice Asgore's brightness.
Dr. Gaster looked down at his feet and shuffled on the spot. [Are you upset about that?]
"No, heavens no!" Toriel exclaimed, lightly scoffing at such a prospect. "Something like that wouldn't be worth getting jealous over. I'd be foolish to do so."
No, she wasn't upset. She never will be, because she fully understood where Dr. Gaster was coming from. Emotions were a tricky thing, after all.
[I see…]
"Why're you attracted to him?" She asked.
He shrugged in response.
"Is it because you two get along?" She tried.
He shrugs again.
"Is there something attractive about him?" She attempted.
[I find him as attractive as you do.] He answered.
"Then why?" Why do you like him? Why do you love my fiance? Why have you held onto this love for so long knowing the outcome?
She needed an answer from him, wanting to know what it was about Asgore that made dr. Gaster drop everything he was doing to stand by his side. She needed catharsis. Or at least, something close to the feeling.
After a brief moment, he sighed. There was a dash of pink that splashed across Dr. Gaster's cheeks, and he quickly hid it by averting his gaze and signing. [He's bright.]
She looked at him with a raised brow. "Bright?"
He stayed silent for a moment, looking up at the sky that was suddenly too blue and too realistic, before he reiterated. [He's like an explosion.]
Toriel made an odd expression, half between shocked and perplexed. "An explosion?"
Dr. Gaster nods. [He burns brightly, but sometimes he's too much and too fast. An explosion of colours .]
A supernova.
Toriel's mouth hung slightly open, unable to come up with a response.
She wasn't sure why she couldn't refute that.
Asgore was a man who continued to be pushed around and shoved by fate, and yet, somehow and miraculously, still could smile and hope for a better tomorrow. Even if he was moody and exhausted. He was still optimistic to a fault, and still genuine enough to know his own flaws.
[He's a lot of things.] Dr. Gaster said. [But… I guess that's why I like him.]
"That's pretty…" Toriel trailed off.
Dr. Gaster picked it up for her. [Poetic? Cheesy?]
She laughed lightly. "Yeah."
Dr. Gaster continued to smile, though the corner of his lips slightly fell. [Would you…]
"Would I what?" Toriel asked.
He stayed silent, deep in thought, before finally, after taking a deep, shaky breath, asked. [Would you be okay if I confessed to him?]
Toriel became shocked and fell silent. "Pardon?"
[I…] he took a deep breath. [I want to confess to him.]
"I…"
Her lips straightened into a thin line in thought. Would she be okay with it? She wants for both Asgore and Dr. Gaster to be happy, but the thought of Asgore being with someone else too was… uncomfortable. Insecurities laid thick in her, wonders of 'what-if he doesn't love me after he gets Dr. Gaster?' They both had a certain type of chemistry that even she doesn't have with Asgore.
She wants them both to be happy, but she also knew it was selfish that she just wanted Asgore to herself.
In the midst of her thoughts, Dr. Gaster sighed. [It's alright to say no.]
Toriel blinked, staring at him with wide eyes. "But you like him."
[If it's for your comfort and happiness, then I'm alright with that.]
Right. It was easy to forget that Dr. Gaster was the same as her. They only wanted each other's happiness.
So, even if she felt bad saying so, she turned back to look at Asgore and slowly shook her head. "No… I- I don't think I'm alright with that."
Dr. Gaster inhaled and nodded. [Then I only wish you both a long and happy life together.]
"Thank you, Dr. Gaster." Toriel said with a smile.
Only a week later, this conversation seeming lifetimes away, Toriel was in the midst of war again.
It was mid-December, snow having fallen severely throughout the winter. Frost layered on the window, and the wind was brisk. The air inside the large mansion was thick with tension, the bitter chill of winter making matters worse. War had been at its worst during its high, with death all around and in every corner. They couldn't even imagine what it was like in the war right now, with the humans having to worry about the elements and the monsters needing to recuperate and make up for their shortage of numbers.
Though luckily, because of the reason that was mentioned, there was currently a standstill between both humans and monsters, which Kris was grateful for, because then there wouldn't be as much death on either side.
Well, for the monsters, that is.
The monsters were losing, horribly. It was practically a slaughter.
If one were to listen to the news, it wouldn't be shocking to hear more deaths on the monster's side than humans. Not that anyone would care about the monsters.
Blood-thirsty hounds, ugly creatures, referring to monsters as 'actual monsters.'
Kris, if they were the same person from four years ago, would have agreed with every phrase the humans used to describe them. They weren't, however. Kris wasn't the same child they had been four years before. They weren't immature, weak, or useless. Kris felt like it, though.
As Kris crammed their clothing into the aged leather suitcase, the material creaked with each added weight of their clothes. It had been a while since they used their suitcase. Maybe around a year or so? In any case, it was left to collect dust in the corner of their rented room. They eventually lost interest in using it throughout their stay in the kingdom, mainly because they could always phone their family and comrades back home instead of visiting them. It was easier to manage things that way instead of going back and forth.
They were currently returning home due to the concern of their parents and comrades. Even after four years of living with the monsters, their family and colleagues were still frightened for their safety and completely convinced the monsters were "human eaters." If you ask them, they were a little naïve and closed-minded. The other reason for returning home was that their comrades had said for them to meet up.
A part of them didn't want to return to their family yet. Or ever.
But still, comrades are comrades, and family is family. They can't be completely ungrateful to the people that raised them, and who they grew up with.
Near the doorway, Kris heard heavy footsteps halt, a familiar voice calling out to them in a sombre tone. "So you're leaving today, huh?"
They tilt their head toward the monster, seeing Gerson linger near the frame of the door with his arms crossed.
"Aren't you supposed to be leaving soon, too?" They ask, before immediately wincing at the darkened look that overcame his expression. "Sorry."
Gerson sighs deeply, before he waved them off. "It's fine, just uh… yeah, I'll be leaving soon after you do."
Gerson was supposed to leave for war soon again. This one lasting longer than the last one. Though Gerson was luckier than everyone else due to the fact that he could come home every four months if the situation wasn't bad.
But that still didn't negate the fact that he was in the middle of war…
Remorse laid thick in their chest, though they pushed the feeling back as they chanted in their mind to ignore it.
"Bring something back?" Gerson asked, unknowing of the feelings that currently swirled in their chest.
After a moment, they jerkily nod. "Y-Yeah… I'll uh… I'll do that."
Gerson cocked a brow, no doubt noticing their odd reaction. "You alright, kid?"
They jerkily nod once more. "Yeah, just…" Kris trails off.
"What?" Gerson asked, wryly smirking. "Don't want to leave?"
They don't answer, instead hanging their head.
"It's fine. You'll be back soon anyway, right?"
"…Yeah…"
Gerson stared at them for a moment. "Anything else bothering you, kid?"
They stared at the ground for a moment; the words stuck in their throat. It was on the tip of their tongue, and all it took was a simple push. But they were cowardly. Then, after a second, they shook their head. "What… what do you want me to get you?" They asked after a moment, breathless.
He arched a brow, but relented and accepted the horribly executed diversion in conversation. "Food."
Their frown deepened. "I can't bring you food…"
It'll get moldy on the way back, not to mention that their comrades and family most likely won't let them bring food back to the monsters.
"Damn, guess you just gotta get better at the sword, then."
They crookedly smiled at the tease. But it didn't come off right. They really did try to smile. But they couldn't.
Say the words.
"Well…" Gerson averted his gaze, staring at the clock. "Better get going. The bus is gonna leave soon."
They hummed, nodding.
Push away your pride and say them.
He then turned to look at them, grinning. "Right-io, before you go, how long're you staying there for?"
"Uh…" Kris shrugged, turning back to pack their belongings. "As long as I need to, I guess? I should be back within the month."
Just say it, just say the words before he leaves.
"Cool… welp…" Gerson straightened himself—well, as straightened as he could be with a shell on his back—and turned around. "I'll be going now. See you. Tell your comrades I said hey."
Kris nodded, and with that, they were left alone.
It didn't take them long to finish packing since they only needed a brush and a toothbrush, and after they finished, they double and triple checked to ensure they had everything. They knew it was an excuse to double-check everything, wanting to take as much time as possible so they didn't have to leave yet, but they didn't want to admit it.
They sat on their bed, no longer able to double-check everything, and glanced absentmindedly at the clock, watching the minutes tick by. They really should be leaving right now since the bus is coming soon, but they really wanted to sit on the bed and let the bus skip town without them.
But…
Standing up from the bed, and with a light grunt as they lifted up their luggage, they walked through the halls of the castle.
Family is family, and comrades are comrades.
As heavy fog shrouded the land, snow fell from the sky. Asgore couldn't see beyond the large gate in front of the castle, but he could make out Kris' thinning figure. He watched as the kid went along the same pavements he had gone down so many years before, white piling up on their shoulders as their footsteps left tracks behind them.
A tap on a wooden desk brought him out of his daze. Looking back at Gaster, who stared at him with an indiscernible expression. [Did Kris leave?]
"Yeah, just now." Asgore answered with a nod and hum.
[I see…] Gaster says, nodding.
They both stared at one other for a second, Gaster blinking and Asgore waiting for more words, and when it didn't come, he coughed. Wing Dings chuckled raspily, motioning for him to approach.
Eagerly, he did, following the motions and sitting across from him as he inquired what it was that he wanted. "Yes?"
[I just thought it was uncomfortable for you to be standing there.] Gaster smiled cheekily. [Though… you do seem a bit distracted as of late.]
Asgore looked down at his hands that were clasped together on his lap, smiling sadly. "Yes, besides the obvious, this war has been…"
He shook his head. "I should be going now, I need to-"
Gaster stopped him from speaking, holding his hand up. [I know you want to work, but you should take a break.]
"You've been saying that a lot these past months." Asgore remarked. "I know you're concerned-"
[You've been forcing me to say that these past months, and of course I'm concerned, you're my friend.] Gaster said, looking more exhausted from having to have this conversation again than he did a few minutes ago.
Asgore pinched his lips together, but reluctantly agreed. It would, of course, be more beneficial for him to take a break. But—[Stop thinking for a moment and breath.]—Gaster interrupts his thoughts from derailing.
"I-"
[No.]
"Wing-"
[Still no.]
Asgore breathed through his nose sharply. "I really-"
[And you will. You've been working all morning. Not to mention you barely had the chance to say goodbye to Kris.] He answered, causing Asgore to wince.
"That is-"
[There's also Toriel who's been trying to get you to eat.]
"I was-"
[D.G's been concerned as of late as well.]
"I'm just-"
[Ficus is also asking about you since you haven't come around as of late.]
"Gaster." Asgore said in a warning tone, tired of being interrupted.
Gaster leans forward, challenging him to do something about it. [To summarise: we've been worried about you.]
"Is this an intervention?" Asgore asked in a toneless voice.
W.D. smirked. [Somewhat, but it's not necessarily an intervention if I've been at this for months.]
Asgore sighed and leaned back in his armchair, having gotten used to this charade. Gaster had often taken him away from work in the recent months to do trivial tasks such as gardening, reading a book, watching television, or even just speaking to each other. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't working. But that didn't mean he was ecstatic about the prospect.
"Why aren't you leaving as well?" Asgore asked after a moment, leaning forward and rubbing the bridge of his nose. At Gaster's raised brow, he added. "Don't you have anything better to do besides stay here with the monsters?"
[What brought this on?] He asked.
"It's just…" Asgore sighed through his nose. "Why're you staying with the monsters?"
Monsters were losing, there was no doubt about it, but he was always puzzled as to why some humans supported monsters despite being labelled traitors. There was always that lingering question in his mind regarding why Kris and Gaster decided to stay with them. Why were they still here? Why aren't they attempting to live among other humans? Didn't they realise that the longer they stay here, the worse things will get for them?
He was grateful to them. He will always be eternally grateful to them.
But there was always that question hanging in the back of his mind, haunting and taunting.
[My family are monsters, Asgore. I'd be betraying my kind.] W.D. answered.
"Hardly." He said, scoffing. "You should go be with the humans while you have the chance. You and I know that monsters will lose."
[Asgore-]
"You should go." Asgore said, looking down as he rubbed his eyes. "I'm not a good enough king. Not for you, not for my kingdom."
He then looked up, facing Gaster. "Please." He begged. "I don't want to drag you down either-"
Wing Dings swiftly closed the distance between them both, his chair falling to the ground as he tentatively swept a chaste kiss across his lips. And before Asgore had a moment to process what happened, Gaster backed off with a panicked expression.
Almost immediately, every self-deprecating thought Asgore had vanished, replaced with questions and blank thoughts.
Wing Dings made half-sloppily done sign language gestures, incoherent to the goat monster, before he finally settled on an apology. [I apologise. I know I shouldn't have done that. I am so incredibly sorry. But I don't like it when you talk yourself down like this. It is…]
Gaster drew his hair back, chewing the inside of his lower lip in thought. He seemed to be contemplating everything: the good, the bad, the past, the future, the benefits, the cons, and everything in between.
It was an expression Asgore rarely saw him wear, but an expression that only their small circle of friends wore. An expression that held a heavy meaning. An expression that held a story they had to keep to themselves, even from their closest friends.
They were too young to understand the meaning, yet too old to be naïve about it.
Fate was far too cruel to them.
[Asgore, you're…] He shook his head, half-heartedly chuckling like what he was thinking was too little to describe him. "You're too good."
He spoke it plainly in his croaky voice too hoarse to ever use repeatedly, as if it were only half the truth, as if the other half couldn't be said—but he said it with such complete earnesty, such love, that it left Asgore breathless.
'Too good.'
He didn't get it back then, and he never will.
[I…] Gaster began to turn away, the red in his face prominent. [I'll be going now.]
Asgore immediately took Gaster's hands into his. "Gaster." He called, though the man didn't turn back.
"I…" He thickly swallowed, the words stuck in his throat.
[It's alright, Asgore.]
Asgore didn't speak, allowing him to motion from over his shoulder.
[It's really okay…]
After a few seconds, with Asgore ready to let go, he whispered so softly that it could've been mistaken for his own breath. "Thank you…"
Gaster finally turned to look at him, his eyes wide as the red in his cheeks darkened. Asgore's expression was sombre, yet there was a prominent smile etched into his face that was so warm and so genuine that Gaster couldn't help but grin back.
The warmth of Gaster's hand mingled with his, and they soon parted after that, Gaster's words and actions lingering behind him like the watchful eye of a guardian. They don't comment on the kiss, or how much buried love there was behind either Gaster's eyes or Asgore's heavy gaze; accepting it for what it was.
Simply accepting it for the words that went unsaid:
Love. Everlasting loyalty. Resignation. And a see you later.
It's never hopeful, their love, but it's never wanting or needing. It's simply just knowing it can't have.
And that's alright. They're alright with not being able to have. They're alright with not being able to want or need. It's unbearable, yes, it's heart wrenching and a terrible feeling, but there will always be that undeniable love between them, unspoken, different and so full of vigorous life.
From one step to another, Asgore was in the midst of war. From one step to the other, they were simply standing by each other's sides, existing on the same plain.
Notes:
I'm completely shit at romance. I don't have any interest in romance, so I can't tell if what I'm writing is poetic or cheesy or both. But I'm having fun, so that's all that matters!
Another small headcanon of mine is that Kris and Gerson call their friends 'comrades'. Idk, I think it's cute.
But anyway, bon voyage till next time folks!
(Uploaded: 2023/08/10)