A Multiversity of Bungholes
Disclaimer: I do not own Beavis and Butt-head, which is the creation of Mike Judge.
Back To School
David Van Driessen heard a knock at his door, which was unusual. During summer he never got many visitors and in all these years, his lady friend Ellen usually didn't knock this hard.
The high school teacher put down his door and walked to the door, opening it up.
"Oh my," Van Driessen exclaimed.
Before him stood a government agent clad in a black suit. And behind him was a sight he hadn't seen for nearly a quarter century.
"Uh huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh!"
"Is that who I think it is?" Van Driessen's eyes widened.
"It is," the federal agent confirmed. "Are you David Van Driessen?"
"I am," David confirmed.
"That's good," the agent told him. "According to our files, you're the only teacher from the 90s who still teaches at Highland High."
"That's correct," Van Driessen nodded. "It's been many years but I still have a passion for teaching."
"And you happen to be the only faculty at Highland High who has any sort of connection to these two," the agent pointed at Beavis and Butt-head.
"That's right," Van Driessen answered. "How is it that Beavis and Butt-head are at my door? And they don't look at day older than they did in 1998!"
"It's a long story," the agent spoke reservedly. "There was an incident involving the NSA and the Governor of Texas… but needless to say, Beavis and Butt-head time-traveled from 1998 to the present day."
"Time travel?" Van Driessen looked surprised. "Is that even possible?"
"That's a discussion for some other time and place," the agent told Van Driessen. "Listen, this is a matter of national security and we'll need you not to say a peep of this to anyone. We know you're probably the only person left in Highland who has any connection to these two. All we're asking you to do is to help them transition back to high school just like my agency has gotten them a new home."
The agent reached inside his pocket and took out a government check for Van Driessen.
"Remember," he told the teacher. "We'll need your absolute silence on the issue of time travel and your absolute cooperation on helping these two acclimate to this new decade."
Van Driessen took the check.
"I'm not going to pretend to understand everything that's going on," Van Driessen replied. "But I'll stay quiet about all the political intrigues going on and the time travel. Also, I'd be more than happy to help out two students that I once tried to help before."
"Thank you for your service," the agent nodded.
"Uh huh huh huh!" Butt-head pointed at Van Driessen. "You still look like a wuss!"
"Yeah, Van Driessen still sucks as much now as he did all those years ago!" Beavis smiled. "Heh heh heh!"
oooo
With the two boys inside, Van Driessen got the two drinks.
"You know, it's a good thing school doesn't start again until two weeks later," Van Driessen told them. "In the meantime, I know I'm not allowed to talk about this stuff with the public, but I'd like to talk about all the things you two have been through in all these years you went missing."
"So, uh, we went down this black hole," Butt-head told him. "Huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh, you said hole!" Beavis exclaimed.
"Then we, like, traveled to the future or something," Butt-head continued. "And we tried to score with this chick called Serena but, like, some other alter-nuh-tive Beavis got to score with her instead! Then we got our old house back! Huh huh huh!"
"Alternative Beavis?" Van Driessen wondered aloud. "You mean an alternate Beavis? As in another Beavis from another universe? Another Beavis who's part of a giant multiverse?"
"Uh… what?" Butt-head didn't quite follow what his teacher was saying.
"It's a theory," Van Driessen told them. "Suggesting there are multiple universes out there, each with its own versions of us and the people around us. In recent times, movies, comics, and cartoons have made more and more use of this particular concept."
"Uh, you sure got dumber in all these years," Butt-head told him. "I couldn't understand a thing you said!"
Van Driessen sighed. "Look, I'll even watch some of those movies with you. Special effects have grown in leaps and bounds since 1998."
"So like, was that government dude serious about us going back to school again?" asked Beavis.
"Well yes," Van Driessen told them. "But don't worry. I'll catch you two back up on everything."
"Uh, is McDicker still there?" Butt-head asked. "And what about Buzzcut?"
"I'm afraid Mr. McVicker and Mr. Buzzcut are no longer there," Van Driessen informed the two. "You see, a lot can happen in the long gap of years you've been gone. Some people can retire, some people can move away, and some can even pass away."
"So, like, did McVicker die?" asked Butt-head. "That butthole was really old! Uh huh huh huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh!"
Van Driessen sighed, preferring not to even answer that question.
"Look, I know there's a lot you guys need to catch up on," their teacher told them. "And even though you two won't have class just yet, there's still a lot I need to teach you on catching up to the modern era, including cell phone usage, email, apps, and plenty more things."
"Don't worry," Butt-head told Van Driessen, revealing the cell he took from that family at the pier. "We're already half-way there."
Butt-head did a few swipes on the phone, impressing the teacher and made him realize Beavis and Butt-head were capable of learning new things.
"Hmm, looks like you two are making progress," Van Driessen smiled. "However, there are other things out there I need to teach you, especially in terms of etiquette for this new and exciting era. You see, there were some behaviors you exhibited during the 90s that, while not quite socially acceptable back then, is considered even more problematic nowadays."
"Uh, it's okay Mr. Van Driessen," Butt-head replied. "We've got white privilege so we can do whatever we want. Huh huh huh!"
"Yeah, we're gonna get jobs on Wall Street!" Beavis smiled. "Heh heh heh!"
"See?" Van Driessen folded his arms angrily. "That's the exact type of behavior I'm talking about. You can't just go around saying those things, mmkay? And this is why I'm going to be giving you two sensitivity training until we start school."
"Uh, what?" Butt-head grimaced, not liking the sound of that.
"But since you're both like fish out of temporal water," Van Driessen conceded. "Tonight, we can catch up on the movies you missed all those years ago."
"Yeah, that sounds better!" Beavis exclaimed.
"It's the first smart thing you've said in decades," Butt-head chuckled at Van Driessen. "Huh huh huh!"
oooo
The next day.
Van Driessen stopped by, driving at the parkway of Beavis and Butt-head's old home that had been refurbished.
"So, this is where you two are living now," Van Driessen looked down on the file the government agent had given him.
"Home sweet home," Butt-head replied.
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go inside and spank my monkey!" Beavis chuckled. "Heh heh heh!"
"Remember, Highland High is in the same place it's always been," Van Driessen told them.
"Do we really have to go back to school?" asked Beavis.
Their teacher sighed. Van Driessen was starting to recall some of his old frustrations with the pair again and how they never obeyed his instructions in the past.
"Yes Beavis," Van Driessen told them. "You two never completed high school in 1998 and in order to survive in today's world, you'll need an education and a diploma."
"Uh, so being an astronaut can't get us high paying jobs?" asked Butt-head. "That's how we time traveled and stuff."
"No Butt-head," Van Driessen handed the pair a sensitivity training book. "Besides, all of that is now classified information and you couldn't put that on your resume."
"That sucks," Butt-head frowned.
"I'll check in with you tomorrow," Van Driessen told them. "In the meantime, enjoy the DVD collection I got you. Try not to binge watch, mmkay?"
oooo
After two days of non-stop nacho eating and binge-watching the movies Van Driessen had lent them, the duo had decided to go out and explore again. They sat outside the Maxi-mart drinking their slurpee drinks.
"So I was thinking," Beavis told Butt-head. "If I had the Infinity Gauntlet, I'd snap away everything that sucks!"
"Uh, why would you stop there?" asked Butt-head. "Beavis, do you even stop to think of all the things the Infinity Gauntlet could really do?"
"Like what, Butt-head?"
"Well, we could get all those chicks for ourselves!" Butt-head told him. "That spy chick, that binary chick, and even that green alien chick!"
"Oh… oh yeah," Beavis realized. "You're right Butt-head. There's, like, a lot of stuff we could do with the Infinity Gauntlet."
"You know something in the future that doesn't suck, Beavis?" asked Butt-head.
"What, Butt-head?"
"Special effects," Butt-head told him. "Now movies don't have to suck so much!"
"Yeah, they really are better now," Beavis agreed. "I'll be damned."
"So, like, Butt-head, do you think chicks in this future want to score with us?" asked Beavis uncertainly.
"Of course!" Butt-head said with no hesitation. "No matter what time we live in, I'm a babe magnet and if you get any, it's only because I helped you out."
"Oh yeah," Beavis nodded. "Guess we don't have to worry anymore."
A portal opened up before the two, revealing two familiar sights.
"Beavis and Butt-head, we would like another word with you."
"Oh hey, it's those two bungholes again, Butt-head," Beavis frowned, looking at his partner.
Before Beavis and Butt-head stood their alternate universe counterparts, Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-head. Strangely enough, Serena was not with them, despite Smart Beavis having gotten with her.
"Uh, what do you two want?" demanded Butt-head. "I thought we were done with you buttholes."
"Unfortunately, another great matter of cosmic significance has arisen," Smart Butt-head told the two.
"Uh, I have something of cosmic significance arising in my pants if that's what you're talking about," Butt-head replied. "Uh, huh huh huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh!"
"No, Beavis and Butt-head," Smart Beavis told them. "If you do not assist us, the entire multiverse may be unraveled."
"Yes, this is not amusing," Smart Butt-head insisted.
"Not very amusing at all," Smart Beavis added.
"Why should we help you again?" demanded Beavis. "Are we gonna get to score with Serena if we do this?"
Smart Beavis and Butt-head looked at each other uncertainly.
"Serena… did not leave me her contact," Smart Beavis admitted.
"Yes, she 'ghosted' Smart Beavis," Smart Butt-head explained. "I believe 'ghosting' is the correct term the people of your primitive Earth would use."
"Yeah, I think these guys are wasting our time," Beavis told Butt-head.
"These buttholes need a new hobby," Butt-head got up. "Let's go, Beavis."
"Wait!" Smart Beavis called out. "Do you not wish to repair the potential damage done to the very fabric of the multiverse?"
"Uh, no," Butt-head walked off with Beavis.
"Hmm, perhaps we will require other methods of persuasion," Smart Butt-head told his friend.
oooo
"Guys, could you please stop?" Van Driessen asked.
"Uh, huh huh huh," Butt-head laughed. "No."
Butt-head grabbed a coke from Van Driessen's fridge, shaking it up really nice and spraying it all over Beavis.
"Aaaaahhhh!" Beavis cried. "Heh heh heh heh!"
"Guys, until school starts, I'm still your caretaker, mmkay?" asked Van Driessen.
"What was that, Van Driessen?" asked Beavis, opening up another carbonated bottle and spraying Butt-head. "I can't hear you! Heh heh heh!"
"Aaaaahhh!" Butt-head cried, getting completely wet.
At once a portal opened up, revealing two familiar figures.
"Greetings, people of this Earth," Smart Butt-head announced.
"Oh my," Van Driessen got up.
"Oh great, it's those guys again," Beavis frowned as he and Butt-head stopped their horseplay.
"Are you the teacher of Beavis and Butt-head?" asked Smart Beavis.
"Why, yes I am," Van Driessen answered. "Who are you?"
"I am Smart Beavis."
"And I am Smart Butt-head. The two of us come from a universe with an Earth that far surpasses all the accomplishments and expectations of your world."
"Wow, so there really is a multiverse out there," Van Driessen looked interested.
"There is," Smart Beavis told him. "And we require the help of you and your students."
"For there is something out there that threatens the fabric of our multiverse," continued Smart Butt-head. "We would not have come to you otherwise if we did not believe you were capable of great things, Mr. Van Driessen."
"Wow, this is a lot to take in," Van Driessen said in a flattered voice. "I just… I never thought I'd be picked for an undertaking like this. Could you tell me more about the multiverse?"
"Right now time is of the essence," Smart Beavis told him. "We will tell you your heart's desire when the mission is complete."
"Butthead, I don't like the sound of this," Beavis whispered to Butt-head who looked equally displeased.
"Alright, since we're still on break, I think I can make time," Van Driessen promised, sounding like an excited little boy who was able to go on a real adventure for the first time in his life.
"Good, here are your instructions," Smart Butt-head handed Van Driessen a piece of paper. "We require you to drive to New York City where the center of the chaos may unfold. Good luck and may Science be with you."
At that, Smart Beavis and Butt-head both disappeared.
"Hmm," Van Driessen read the letter. "Well guys, since we still have plenty of time before school starts again, what do you two say to saving the multiverse?"
"Uh… no," Butt-head frowned.
"Yeah… I mean, um, no," Beavis grimaced.
"Great," Van Driessen told them. "I'll go get packed. Let's get ready for a fun and exciting road trip together."
As Van Driessen walked off to the disgust of the duo, Butt-head looked at Beavis.
"I just realized something Beavis," Butt-head stated.
"What's that, Butt-head?"
"The multiverse sucks! Uh huh huh huh!"
"Yeah, heh heh… um, what is the multiverse again?" asked a confused Beavis.
"Uh… good question," Butt-head realized. "Beats me! Huh huh huh!"
Author's Note: There was originally supposed to be a scene in Beavis and Butt-head Do the Universe where the duo show up in Van Driessen's class to start the 2022 revival series again but it wasn't included for some reason. This story is meant to be an interquel of sorts, bridging the gaps between both movie and new series. Since that scene was never included or made canonical, I'm just going to write my own story and go from there.