Hiccup wakes once again slumped at his desk in the back of the forge. Based on the color of the sky and the gritty feel of his eyes, he can't have slept for more than an hour or so. Honestly, he didn't even mean to fall asleep. The candles had been burning low as he'd switched from working on his designs to constructing the actual saddle, but still he kept going. With dry, burning eyes, the pull of sleep must have become too much, and he'd simply fallen asleep where he sat. It isn't the first time it has happened, and it probably won't be the last. But Hiccup doesn't have time to dwell his lack of sleep; he still needs to visit Toothless before training to bring him more fish. Pushing the exhaustion to the back of his mind, Hiccup hides the saddle and heads out to grab some nice Icelandic cod for his best friend.
The basket of fish feels heavier on his back than normal, and so do his feet. His trek through the woods is a lot more difficult when lifting his leg to hop over a tree root is a challenge. But Hiccup keeps going. He might be a little tired, but he needs to get the fish to Toothless and he won't have time to do it later. Winding down the narrow path to get into the cove is even harder than walking through the woods. A couple of times he almost slips and falls all the way down, only to recover his balance at the last second. He is grateful when he makes it to the bottom and the ground is flat once more.
Toothless bounds over upon seeing his human friend. Even as Hiccup sets down the basket of fish, the dragon's first priority is to greet the boy with a big slobbery kiss. Though it doesn't help Hiccup's exhaustion, it does brighten his mood – sure Hiccup is bringing Toothless food and helping him fly again, but the dragon cares about him, not just what he can get from him. This is a new experience for Hiccup.
Hiccup gives Toothless' scales a good scratch before encouraging him to eat his fish. While the dragon gobbles the fish up, Hiccup sits roughly on the ground, leans his back up against a large rock, and lets out a deep sigh. By the gods, he is tired. All this work in the forge has put a strain on his muscles and staying up well past when any reasonable Viking would be in bed has his head feeling like it is stuffed with cotton. What he wouldn't give right now to just lay in the cove and take a nice long nap with Toothless. He's sure the dragon would be warm and make a wonderful pillow. Sadly, this isn't an option. If he doesn't show up to dragon training, Gobber would be likely to rally a search party to come looking for him. Then after training, it is back to the forge to keep working. Logically, Hiccup knows he isn't taking good care of himself, but he can't let that be his focus. Toothless is the focus. His new friend is relying on him to fly again, and it is the Viking's fault he is grounded in the first place, so he has to fix this, and he won't take it easy until he does. This is his first real friendship – he isn't going to rest until Toothless gets back what he deserves.
When Toothless finishes with the fish, he comes over to lay next to Hiccup, letting his head sit atop his front legs. The boy rests his hand on Toothless' back, content to rub the smooth scales until he has to get up and leave. After a moment, his eyes start to close gradually, the pull of sleep finally getting to him, but as soon as he realizes it, Hiccup jerks and snaps them open again. Disturbed by Hiccup's sudden movement, Toothless lifts his head and gives the boy a good look. Dark circles weigh heavily underneath his human's eyes, and the hand caressing his scales shakes ever so slightly. Toothless gives a worried croon and noses the side of Hiccup's face, as if to ask what's wrong.
Hiccup shakes his head minutely, worried that shaking it too hard will make him dizzy. "I'm fine bud, just a little tired. Inventing and building are hard work you know. But it's rewarding, especially if it means getting you back to normal." Hiccup glances up at the sky, noting the position of the sun, and groans. "Ugh. Sorry bud, but training is starting soon, and I need to head back."
Hiccup goes to stand, but Toothless lies his head across Hiccup's lap, effectively keeping him in place. "What's wrong bud? You don't want me to go?" Toothless looks up at him with big pleading eyes, really trying to get his point across and convince the boy not to leave. Can Hiccup not see how unwell he is?
"Toothless, if I could, I would stay here with you forever. But I can't. If I don't show up, they might come looking for me, and if they find you, they won't be nice." The thought is enough to make Hiccup want to cry. "I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you because I was careless. You have to let me go bud. Please."
Toothless lets out a sad whine but finally relents. After standing on shaking legs, the friends share a hug and Hiccup begins the exhausting trek back to the village. It takes him twice as long to get back as normal due to his extreme lack of coordination. Every tree root is out to trip him, every bush snags at his clothing in attempt to pull him down, every dip in the dirt is enough to make his steps falter. Clinging to each tree as he passes is the only way Hiccup can stay standing. The trip from the edge of the woods to the training area is mostly a blur. Without the trees to use as an aid, Hiccup sways significantly, his body listing to and fro as if being pulled and pushed by the tide. Compounded with his blurry vision and muffled hearing, Hiccup is beginning to wonder if maybe he is in the water after all. But then he remembers that he can't be underwater because he is going to dragon training.
Stumbling down the ramp into the arena, Hiccup has to lean on the wall for support. Has the entrance always been this steep? How has he never noticed before? Keeping his eyes trained on his boots is his only hope of keeping his feet from tripping over each other as he makes his way to the bottom. Once in sight of Gobber, the blacksmith calls out to him. "Well look who finally decided to show up to training. I don't suppose you 'appen to 'ave an excuse, do you?"
Hiccup lifts his head slowly and looks around. Large blobs of color stand before him; any details are hazy beyond recognition, but Hiccup knows they have to be the forms of Gobber and the other teens. They stand still, most of them with their arms crossed in annoyance, and wait for him to choke out a reply. But what is he supposed to say? The truth isn't an option, and his thoughts are much to foggy to attempt to come out with a cover-story. As black spots begin to dance across his vision, Hiccup supposes there is only one thing he can say.
"I didn't mean to," he breathes out. Then his knees buckle, and the stone floor of the training area swiftly rises up to meet his face. After a burst of white light, everything goes black.
Hiccup wakes gradually. First, he registers the pain. The worst of it radiates outwards from his forehead, causing his entire skull to pound with displeasure. A deep ache has settled in basically every other bone of his body, weighing him down as though his skeleton is made of rock. His stomach also makes its discontentment known with a hollow, empty twinge – a longing to be filled again.
Noise filters in next. Minimal sounds like a fire crackling and the chirping of crickets just starting to wake for the night. A loud scratch of chair legs against the wooden floor comes from his left, and Hiccup instinctually turns his head towards the noise.
"Well look at that," a voice says, "he finally wakes."
Finally blinking his eyes open, Hiccup is surprised to see Astrid sitting at his bedside. "Astrid?" He mutters weakly, "What are you doing here?" Any other time Hiccup has been ill, his father has always just left him home alone to rest and recuperate if it isn't too severe. And if it is a more serious illness, he's never woken to find anyone at his bedside that isn't Gothi.
The shieldmaiden leans back in the chair and crosses her arms. "After you faceplanted spectacularly in the training arena this morning, Gobber brought you back here and had Fishlegs fetch Gothi. Gobber had some things he needed to do today but didn't want you waking up and sneaking off because clearly you haven't been taking care of yourself, so I got put on Hiccup-watch," she huffs in annoyance and glares at him.
Slowly and with a great deal of effort, Hiccup sits up against the pillows at the head of the bed. "Well sorry to ruin your day, but I don't need a babysitter. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
Astrid barks out a laugh. "Oh really? Because Gothi says you haven't been eating or sleeping. In what universe does that qualify as taking care of yourself? Because it definitely isn't this one."
Hiccup frowns and looks at a shield hanging across the room so he doesn't have to look at her. "You wouldn't understand."
"Wouldn't understand what? Why someone as smart as you can't look after himself? You're right Hiccup, I don't understand. You are so intent on wasting away while your father is gone. Is that what this is about? You want to make your father feel guilty for leaving?"
"No! Of course not!" Hiccup yells, finally meeting Astrid's gaze. Maybe he can't tell her the full truth (Toothless needs to remain a secret for obvious reasons), but maybe he can tell her enough that she'll start to see where he's coming from. "You can't possibly begin to understand what it's like to be me, to feel what I feel every day! I go for a meal in the Great Hall and everyone is talking and laughing with their friends, and I pass through the room like I don't even exist, like I'm a ghost. No one talks to me or looks at me or even acknowledges my existence. And that's on a good day! Those days are better than when everyone decides that all of Berk problems are my fault and I'm a nuisance who can't do anything right. Then I get to walk around being glared and yelled at for just existing! No one likes me Astrid, and going into the Great Hall is such a painful reminder that sometimes going without meals hurts less.
"And then I throw myself into inventing and creating new things and stay up all night doing it because it's the one thing that I'm good at, the one thing no one can take away from me or make me feel bad about." Hiccup lets out a deep sigh, finally breaking eye contact with Astrid to look down at his lap. "I may lock myself away in the back of the forge sketching and designing and building, but it's the only place in the village I really feel free."
A thick silence fills the space between them. Hiccup has never told anyone that before. Saying something so personal to someone else feels like exposing an open wound to a stranger. Will they try to heal your pain, or dig the knife in deeper? The crickets chirp louder as the sun has now completely set and Hiccup chooses to focus on their soothing song instead of Astrid's continuing silence.
After a moment, Astrid rises from her seat and begins to walk away. So, this is it, Hiccup thinks. I lay it all out in the open and my pain is blatantly ignored. He and Astrid will just go on living like the past conversation never happened. He is beginning to wish he'd never opened his mouth in the first place. But then she stops right before making it to the door and turns to the side. Is she going to throw some painful remark his way? Maybe say it is his own fault he is treated this way? That if he wasn't so different, his life would be better?
To his utter shock, she picks up some wood from the rack by the door and brings it back over to the fire, piling it on top and stoking the flames. Then she returns to her seat by the bed. Her eyebrows pull together in concentration and her lips tug down in a frown. He's seen this look on her face before during dragon raids and he's come to know it as her "strategy face". Normally, he admires it. Now, he fears it. After a moment of silence, she nods to herself before making determined eye contact with Hiccup.
"You and I are going to get lunch together."
"I, uh – what?" Hiccup stutters.
"If we get lunch together, you'll have company and it might keep people from making rude comments. And if it doesn't, they'll be on the receiving end of a Hofferson stare down – which I never lose. So, it's a win-win." She seems rather proud of this plan of hers.
"But why?" Hiccup asks, the question heavy with confusion.
"Weren't you listening?" Astrid grumbles, "I just explained why."
"No, I got all that. But I don't get why you'd willing subject yourself to meals with me." Hiccup sighs. "You don't even like me." And it is true. Though they have grown up together, Astrid has never associated with Hiccup. He has always been too weak or too weird for any of the other kids his age to want to spend time with him. While the other kids sometimes went out of their way to make fun of him, she has never showed any interest in him at all.
"It's not about liking you," Astrid counters. "Clearly you aren't capable of taking care of yourself, and I don't want to have an angry chief when the boats come back. If being your lunchtime accountability partner is what it takes to keep you from starving to death, then I'll do it. Really it's for the sake of the whole village – no one likes it when Stoick is in a bad mood."
She has a point. When Stoick is mad at Hiccup, he tends to let his annoyance and anger carry over into his interactions with the other Berkians. His patience will be thin and his temper will be short, and all of Berk will blame Hiccup for the chief's sour mood. It will be better if he can avoid making his father mad. But can he keep his lunch meetings with Astrid? He is almost done crafting the necessary equipment to restore Toothless' flight, so making time for the forge will no longer be an issue. It can't cut into the time he spends with Toothless though – that is definitely not something he was willing to sacrifice. His friendship with Toothless is the most important thing to him. Well, after Toothless' safety. Knowing Astrid, she isn't going to take no for an answer, and if he doesn't show up, she'll come looking for him, which could lead her to discovering Toothless.
Hiccup swallows stiffly and agrees. "But only on one condition: I meet you outside the Great Hall. Don't come looking for me, it creeps me out."
"You and your mysterious nature." Astrid shakes her head, but it doesn't seem annoyed. It is almost… fond? Or maybe that is just wishful thinking on Hiccup's part. "But I guess I can agree to that. Just know that if you don't show up, I'll hunt you down and make you regret it."
"I would expect nothing less."
Seeming satisfied with the exchange, Astrid rises to her feet once more, this time to fetch a bowl of soup resting on the nearby table. "Here." She hands it to him. "I was supposed to give you this when you woke up. Gothi wants you to eat the whole thing and then get some more rest. I know you've been sleeping all day, but you still look as bad as the back end of a yak."
"Gee thanks," Hiccup grumbles before taking the first bite of the soup. It is good – a little salty – but a blessing on his empty stomach.
Astrid laughs a little and heads for the door. "Gobber will be by in the morning with breakfast. He says you get a free pass out of training as long as you don't do anything to strenuous. So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow outside the Great Hall?"
Hiccup nods in agreement, and then she is gone. The house feels painfully empty as the door falls shut behind her. Though Hiccup frequently spends time alone, he always tries to keep himself occupied enough that the loneliness doesn't hurt as much. He will purposefully lose himself in his sketchbook, tracing out scenery from the forest or coming up with technical designs for new inventions. Hours in the forge working keep him out of his head, only allowing him to focus on the project in front of him, the sweat rolling down his skin, and the familiar ache in his muscles. And when he is finished, sleep always comes so quickly he doesn't have time to think about how isolated he feels.
But he feels it now. As he eats his way through the bowl of soup, the feeling settles over him like a heavy blanket. Now that he has Toothless, he knows what it is like to have someone around who enjoys his company and cares about him. And though Astrid had only been here out of a sense of duty to Gobber (who was the acting chief while Stoick was away), Hiccup had felt a little less alone. He'd confessed something deeply personal to her, and instead of making fun of him or running away and pretending it didn't happen, she stayed. Not only that, but she came up with a plan to help him. No person has ever done that for him before – no person has even wanted to help him before.
Darkness had bled across the night sky during his conversation with Astrid, leaving the crickets outside to converse loudly a pitch-dark sky. Hiccup rises, still not fully steady on his feet, puts the empty soup bowl on the table, and comes to stand next to the open window. The young Viking stares out at the trees and thinks of his best friend lying alone in the cove. Does Toothless have a family somewhere out there? Or is he as alone as Hiccup feels? Fate is a concept Hiccup has never given much thought to in the past. But the chance of Toothless coming into his life the way he did was so slim, Hiccup can't help but consider it. Maybe they were meant to find each other, meant to heal each other from the hurts of being alone.
With a heavy sigh, Hiccup closes the window and crawls back into bed. Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day, and he needs all the sleep he can get. After closing his eyes, he dreams of soaring though inky, star-filled skies on the back of his best friend. It is the best sleep he's gotten in ages.
Hiccup startles awake at the sound of a loud crash. He bolts upright in bed, eyes wide and heart hammering. But instead of seeing a threat, it's just Gobber. In his clumsy nature, he's managed to knock a pot onto the floor.
Gobber looks sheepishly down at the pot before glancing over at the boy on the bed. "Sorry 'bout that Hiccup. I was getting ready to wake ya' in a few minutes, but it seems the pot had another idea. Are you feelin' any better this morning?"
"Much better," Hiccup informs the blacksmith. And it is true. Hiccup feels rejuvenated. His aches have vanished, his body feels lighter, his eyes don't burn – he practically feels like a whole new Viking. "But I'm – uh, I'm sorry about ruining training yesterday. I didn't mean to."
Gobber sighs. "Look Hiccup – dragon training is very important to our survival here on Berk."
Oh boy, Hiccup thinks, time for another lecture on proper Viking behavior. At least it's not coming from my disappointed father this time.
"But," Gobber continues, "it's not as important as you takin' care of yourself."
Hiccup's mouth drops open in shock. This is not the lecture he was expecting. He was expecting more of a "real men don't need sleep or regular meals, and they definitely don't faint in the middle of the training arena." He's not sure he's ever heard another Viking talk about knowing and respecting their own limits.
"You can't fight dragons if you're not in fightin' shape." Gobber argues. "That means no more skippin' meals and sleepin' in the back of the forge."
Hiccup's eyes go wide. "How'd you know I was sleeping in the back of the forge?"
Gobber chuckles. "Nothing happens in my forge that I don't know about. I know how you get with your projects and I knew you might need a bit of a distraction with Stoick gone, so I decided not to say anythin', but that stops now. Clearly, I can't trust you to know your own limits. From now on I'll be lockin' the forge after dinner, so you'll have to work on your crazy ideas before then. Got it?"
"Yeah," Hiccup sighs, "I got it." It is nice to know people are looking out for him, and he knows Gobber is right, but that doesn't mean he has to be ecstatic about the changes to his schedule.
"Good. Now let's have a bit of breakfast, shall we?" He passes Hiccup a bowl of oatmeal and grabs one for himself. "It's nothing fancy, but it'll get the job done. If you don't like it, try to pretend. I'll be comin' over for breakfast from now on and this is what we're havin'."
Despite Gobber's warning, it doesn't taste too bad. It definitely tastes better than not having breakfast at all, so he isn't going to complain. Overall, the meal is actually a pleasant affair. Though they don't talk, it feels nice to be in the house and have a meal with someone else for a change.
When their bowls are empty, Gobber stands and adjusts the waistband of his pants. "In case Astrid didn't tell ya', I've decided to give you a pass from training today. That does not mean you get to go to the forge instead. Try taking it easy this morning – go for a walk, get some fresh air. If you still want to mess around in the forge today, you can do so after you've eaten lunch. Understood?"
Hiccup rolls his eyes but nods. "You're starting to sound like my father."
"Good," Gobber responds. "Maybe then people will actually start listenin' to me around 'ere." And then he is hobbling out the door to get started on his substitute-chief duties.
Barred from attending training (though he is not upset about that, not in the slightest), Hiccup has plenty of time to go to the cove and visit Toothless. There is a problem though. Normally, when Hiccup visits in the mornings, he brings his best friend a heaping basket of fish. He has always left early enough that no one is awake to notice, but not today. If he tries to take a basket of fish today, he will certainly be stopped, and he can't risk that. Pulling on his boots, Hiccup decides to grab an empty satchel. It is big enough to fit several fish, but inconspicuous enough that no one will bother him. After grabbing some fresh fish from the docks, Hiccup disappears into the woods.
With his keen sense of hearing, Toothless hears Hiccup coming and bounds over to stand at the cove's entrance, waiting for his friend to arrive. The boy looked unwell yesterday, and Toothless was worried. He understands that Hiccup is trying to take care of him, but it seems the boy doesn't know how to take care of himself. Compared to other Vikings, Hiccup is very small. Does he not get enough to eat? And those spots under his eyes – other Vikings don't seem to have those.
Toothless is feeling guilty. When the dragon had last seen Hiccup, the boy looked like he was about to fall over, but he still let him go. Not today. If Hiccup looks unwell today, the dragon is going to have him lay on a soft patch of grass so they can nap together.
As it turns out, his worries are unfounded. When Hiccup finally emerges from the cove's entrance, he looks noticeably better. Toothless no longer fears the boy keeling over unexpectedly.
"Hey bud! Happy to see me?" Hiccup smiles wide and walks with a joyful bounce in his step.
Toothless bounds over and gives the boy a big slobbery lick to convey his excitement. His excitement only increases when Hiccup upends his satchel, spilling several fish onto the ground. He gobbles them up quickly.
"Sorry I couldn't bring more. It's hard to sneak out a basket full at this time of day. But as soon as I finish the saddle and foot pedal, hopefully you can start catching your own fish again. Would you like that?"
Toothless gives him another lick to say yes, I'd like that very much.
As much as Hiccup doesn't enjoy the feeling of dragon saliva coating his skin, he cherishes every bit of love Toothless shows him. Hiccup hadn't grown up in a very affectionate household. Other boys grew up getting fierce hugs from their strong Viking mothers. Their fathers would proudly clap them on the back to celebrate their successes. Hiccup never had any of that. Without a mother, Hiccup only ever got awkward exchanges with his father. Stoick loves Hiccup – there is no doubt about that – the man just doesn't know how to show it.
So, when Hiccup goes over to the pond to wash up and Toothless follows, the boy doesn't complain. And when the dragon cuddles up next to him afterward, Hiccup cuddles right back. He has some time before he has to meet Astrid for lunch, and he is going to spend every second of it enjoying the warmth of Toothless' scales and the gentle breeze blowing through the cove. Allowing his surroundings to lull him into peacefulness, Hiccup gently drifts off for a nap.