Chapter 18
I don't own Mass Effect
Had a bit of trouble writing the scene after Kirrahe's speech, really pulling teeth in fact but then I got some inspiration and things sped up and originally it was going to be one very big chapter. But then it got too big so I'm going to chop it in half and post it as two chapters, the next one should be ready in a few days.
Green thumb thank you for all the reviews, it really makes a difference when someone likes my stories, thanks for your comments about the guns, sword and thorian. Mass Effect 2 will have some big changes and 3 will have some more. In the end, Callum will either go with Solana or Gamora at the end
Rios the asari that Gamora was based on was released off screen
Sora Shovesha and others I'm not sure which one callum will end up with at this moment. Originally I was firmly with Solana but with how many people have been preferring Gamora, how this story has been progressing and what I plan for the future Gamora is looking more and more likely.
Guest, good idea about saving aria's daughter
M1stymix the reason the asari never knew about the reapers may very well be because they didn't have a cipher and I think I even wrote something like that but it sounds better if I write it otherwise. Plus they were hiding and using a beacon to keep ahead of everyone, maybe if they revealed it they could have found proof about the reapers
professor X-Cat I have an idea for an upgrade, part of this chapter should give you a clue
Story start
Finally, the mission I had been expecting for so long had finally arrived. After a quick meal, I spent every moment of the three hours getting ready, from checking and putting on my armour to going over every inch of my weapons multiple times. Virmire was going to be a shit show and I wanted to be as prepared as much as I possibly could. I also ramped my bow up to the max poundage I could pull back, adjusted the grain size to be a bit larger and put new titanium ammo blocks in each gun with a couple of backups just in case.
When the three hours were up I gathered in the meeting room with the rest of the ground crew. When everyone had arrived Shepard began speaking.
"Three hours ago the Council contacted me with new information, apparently we're not the only ones trying to track down Saren. A few days ago an STG team sent a top-priority message...unfortunately it was too garbled to make much out. Previously though they've had no trouble making reports or receiving reports and are currently completely uncontactable. The theory is that they've found something but can't send out any messages so the Council wants us to check it out and get back to them." said Shepard
"No offence, but doesn't that sound exactly what the STG are for? While there isn't exactly any proof, a lot of people think that they've had ships like the Normandy for years. Or are we to believe that the STG, the very picture of stealth and reconnaissance don't already have that kind of technology? No offence but it sounds like we're being sent in to do the exact same job as they were." said Ash
"I said the same thing, unfortunately, they have no idea what the message was about. Only that it was extremely important, it could literally be anything from needing assistance and reinforcements to a damn pickup. The best and worse scenario is they've found Saren's main base of operations, the good part being that we know where he's been hiding this entire time, the bad is that we likely won't have the forces we need. The most annoying scenario is that their ship is fucked and they need a lift back to Citadel space." said Shepard "But we don't have much of a choice as it's our only lead so far."
"So in other words the Council needs something done but wants someone else to do it for them, all the while acting like they're the ones doing us a favour. Shit like this is why I charge politicians double." growled Wrex "Triple if I think they're going to talk a lot, which they usually do. Idiots think they're getting the deluxe package or some shit."
"That's pretty much it, now I know this isn't ideal but this is the first update that we've gotten in weeks and as far as I see it the more time Saren has to himself the worse things will get." answered Shepard
"Yeah yeah I know, just wanted to complain about the Council acting like their pijak's shit is full of credits." grumbled Wrex
"Anyway, we have less than two hours to our destination get whatever else you need to be ready. Tali, Liara, and Callum out of all of us your gear is the worst so go see the requisition officer to see if you can get something better. Don't worry about the cost, while the Council don't know it yet they'll be footing at least part of the bill while the rest will be covered by the team and your own credits. When we hand back your old armour the cost should be minimum. Now Tali I know our gear won't fit you and unfortunately, we don't have any quarian gear but I want you to see if there is any armour you could strap on. At the very least I want you to be wearing some thicker chest armour okay?" asked Shepard "Also, now that I think about it Gamora if you want to get a couple of pieces yourself go ahead."
"I will be fine, the gear the Old Growth gave me is more than adequate. I will however take a better kinetic barrier if one is available." said Gamora
"Do it, Tali?" asked Shepard
"I'll see what I can work out." said Tali
"Any chance you finished making that program we were talking about before?" I asked
"Almost finished, shouldn't need any more than a few more lines of code." answered Tali
"What's this?" asked Kaiden
"Callum came up with the idea of writing up a code that will lock out the geth from anything they want to get into." answered Shepard
"Sounds like it came at just the right time." said Ash
"It still needs a couple of lines before it's finished. Once it is, it should lock the geth out for at least five minutes." said Tali
"Doesn't sound like much." said Kaiden doubtfully
"Trust me, five minutes of the geth being locked out is like thirty minutes for anyone else." answered Tali
"That said we're going to have you use it wisely and make every second count. Am I right in saying it will become less and less effective?" asked Garrus
"Correct, the geth operate on a hive-like network. What affects one the others will learn from and adapt, I figure we have three or four uses before it's useless. Each time it will last less and less. Also, when we do use it, even if we don't use it a second time the geth will still eventually become immune and I'll need to rewrite the code anyway." said Tali
"So in other words, once we use it there's no going back and we need to make the most of it when we do." said Solana
"If that's the case then we'll have to choose carefully, no point wasting it on a one-shot; unless we're all about to die that is." remarked Shepard "Now unless anyone has anything else to say let's get ready. For now, me, Tali, Garrus and Wrex will be in the mako but everyone else will need to be ready just in case."
The next few hours passed quickly, especially for Tali who spent her time split between finishing the code and creating a chest armour using some alliance gear, harvested geth gear and omni-gel, a lot of omni-gel.
The gear I got was a few levels above my old gear, Onyx medium armour VII in fact. While it still wasn't the best armour out there it would give me far more protection than my current gear, something that I'd definitely need in the coming hours.
Soon the Normandy was close to Virmire and to be on the safe side the mako team were already inside and ready to go. Which was a good idea as Shepard's voice came through the team's comms.
"Okay team, Joker and support have detected what they believe to be STG communication, the problem is they've also detected defence towers so Joker is going to go in low and fast. Anyone still in the cargo bay, stay well clear of the bay door." ordered Shepard
Quickly dropping off the mako, the Normandy quickly zoomed back out of range of the AA guns. There we waited until Shepard and the others took them out. With nothing to do but wait which seemed to take an eternity. Eventually, though Joker told everyone over comms that we coming into land and that brought us to now.
At the Salarian camp
"What do you mean we can't leave?" demanded Ash to an annoyed-looking salarian
"It's just like I told your pilot, with the number of AA guns pointed in this direction your ship will be torn to pieces before you can fly a kilometre. You might have been able to get in safely but you won't be able to leave." said the salarian
"But the commander took them out?" asked Kaiden in confusion
"Two of them yes, there are at least several others hidden." answered the salarian
Behind us, we hear and see the mako pulling up.
"Commander Shepard I presume? I see your search for Saren has also led you here. My name is Captain Kirrahe, third infiltration unit of the STG." said the now-identified salarian
"Nice to meet you, now I'm told there's a problem?" asked Shepard trying to find out what was going on.
"As I've been telling your crew members, your ship is grounded. The defence towers you took down allowed your ship to land safely but you won't be able to take off." answered Captain Kirrahe "Not with the others pinning you down."
"But we only saw two from orbit." replied Shepard
"The rest are well hidden, even from us. We learnt that the hard way." said Captain Kirrahe
"So what's the plan?" asked Shepard
"We wait, we sacrificed our ship getting a message out to the council. The geth are jamming our subspace signals, the intent was to get high enough to breach the jamming field but low enough to avoid the AA batteries. Unfortunately, there were AA's that even we didn't know about and they winged our ship. The good news there were only a few of my men on board and they confirmed that the message had been sent before they crashed. All we have do is wait for the Council to send in their fleet and we can deal with Saren once and for all while he's still here." said Captain Kirrahe
"Hold it, Saren's here?" asked Kaiden surprised "You've seen him?"
"Yes, a few of my men reported sighting him. But that was the last time we heard from them and we haven't seen them since. We assume they were either killed or captured afterwards...hold on, if didn't know Saren was here why did you come?" asked Captain Kirrahe
"Yeah about that, I don't think anyone else will be coming." answered Shepard
"What? But I requested an entire fleet?" asked Kirrahe in surprise
"The message wasn't clear, so they sent us to investigate." responded Shepard
"An obvious repetition of our task, they should have at least sent a couple of heavy cruisers. At least then we'd have the support that we need, I've lost half my men investigating this place." said Kirrahe
"Can't we just wait then? Surely if the Council don't hear anything from us they'll send someone else. Then we can word out about the hidden defence towers." asked Ash
"That could be weeks away at least, months at most. By that time the majority of our supplies would have run out and even if that wasn't the case we need to have Saren's operation shut down as soon as possible." dismissed Kirrahe
"Why what's he doing?" asked Shepard
"He's breeding an army of krogan, the longer he has the facility up and running the more krogan he will have." said Kirrahe
"What, how is that possible?" asked Wrex walking over
"It seems that Saren has found a cure for the genophage." answered Kirrahe
"The krogan sterility plague? How is that a problem? I can get how it can be bad but by the time half of them are old enough to fight Saren would be dead from old age or close to it...but then I don't know how quickly krogan mature." said Kaiden
"Compared to most species krogan take longer to reach full maturity, but the age they can kill or become combat ready is much lower. Benefits for evolving on a planet like Tuchanka, while not fully ready Saren could have a decent army of juvenile krogan in as little as six to ten years. However, it's not them that's the problem, at least for now. With the promise of a cure Saren will have half of every krogan this side of the Terminus, if not more on his side. We need to make sure that this place is destroyed and the cure along with it."
"Destroy it? No, I don't think so, this could lead to the survival of my species we need it." demanded Wrex
"If that cure gets off this planet the krogan will become unstoppable. We won't make that mistake again." said Kirrahe
"And what does that mean?" asked Wrex angrily
"Exactly what I said." replied Kirrahe
"WE...ARE NOT...A MISTAKE!" growled Wrex heavily and deeply, pushing past Captain Kirrahe
"Is he going to be a problem? We have enough angry krogan to deal with." asked Kirrahe
"If every krogan is angry then maybe they have a reason to be?" I suggested
"The genophage was necessary, if it wasn't for that the galaxy would have fallen to the krogan long ago." defended Kirrahe
"And maybe if krogans could have one kid and raise it without a thousand dead ones lying in the dirt they'd care more about building a future than caring about old grudges." I shot back
"The krogan's reproduction rate needed to be reduced."
"And it takes a real sick fuck to say that a baby not born is the same as a dead baby...and an even sicker one to not see why that would piss off the parents of that dead baby. I may not be a father but if something like that happened to my child I'd certainly lose my shit."
"What are we talking about?" asked Ash
"The genophage." I said in disgust "The 'solution to the krogan rebellions'. There are those that dress it up as nothing more than a way to lower the number of krogan born when in fact all it does is kill over 90% of those that should have been born. Stillbirths in masse if you will."
There were a number of things that the council did that disgusted me, how they treated the quarians. How they always expected to get more than they sowed, to get more than they gave and definitely how they treated the krogans.
"The fuck? And everyone's okay with it?" asked Ash in shock and disgust
"It was necessary, a necessity that we hoped we wouldn't need. I get the feeling you don't like me...and possibly salarians in general." suggested Kirrahe
"I have a problem with those that don't give a shit about people suffering, as long as it's happening to someone else and not them they can put it out of their minds. And no, I don't have a problem with salarians. I understand why it was necessary but if you think for a second that I'll believe the fact that you couldn't have altered it in the next 700 years or so to simply lower the fertility rate or lower the number of eggs a female can lay then you're an idiot. There is a big difference between ending a war before someone pushes the big red button and ending a war before the other side even realises there could even be a war."
"That's enough!" barked Shepard "The genophage is a delicate topic and the question of whether or not it should have happened could last days even without getting into whether it was right or wrong, something we don't have time for.
Right or wrong Saren can not remain in control of the cure, an army of geth and whatever asari he currently has is bad enough. Add in an army of krogan then we'd have no chance unless the Council throws everything against him and even that will lead to problems elsewhere as pirates and all kinds of scum take advantage of the fact that Citadel's fleet is distracted."
"Thank you Commander, now please give me some time so me and my men can think of a plan of attack?" asked Kirrahe
"Do it, just don't take too long." responded Shepard
"Don't worry it shouldn't take long." responded Kirrahe "If you or your team need anything please see Commander Rentola in one of the nearby tents. Now please excuse me, I've got a lot of planning to do." said Kirrahe before walking off
"Okay Callum what the hell was that?!" demanded Shepard turning towards me "We'll need to work together to get out of this and we can't do that if the other team thinks they can't trust you, so are you going to be a problem?"
"No Commander, sorry Commander." I answered
"Good, I get where you're coming, from I do. But there is a time and place for everything and this isn't it, so I need you to play nice with the STG for now. When we get off this planet you can go back to hating them." said Shepard
"I don't hate them, I genuinely believe that they've done a lot to help maintain the stability of the galaxy and done a lot of good. But they've also done a lot of shady shit, as has the Council, as have the Spectres. I'm just calling them on it." I answered
"I don't know, it seems to be more than that and you seemed to be taking it quite personally." said Ash
"How old is Wrex?" I asked "Anyone know?"
"I don't know...at least a few centuries, like at least five or six." answered Ash with a shrug.
"And you don't think that not once Wrex hasn't tried to have kids? How many kids does he have...how many kids did he have to bury before they could take their first breath? And it's not just the krogans. What about the quarians? Three hundred years in space, how much longer will they last and more importantly who will be next to become blacklisted?
The Council seem to have a thing about using people and discarding them when they are no longer useful or need help and it's still happening to this day. Just look at Eden Prime, just look at Shepard. They'll act like they're the one's doing you a favour when it's really the other way around and when you actually need help they won't give it to you unless you can do something equally big if not bigger for them first."
"Ash said something similar, that they can't be trusted." said Shepard
"She's right, they're not leaders, they're politicians. Politicians will always look after their own interests first, then the people they supposedly represent then as an afterthought anyone else in order get more votes and that's what they really care about, what they only care about. There's a reason someone once said that the best or was it the most honest politicians are those that doesn't want to get into politics. Someone like Captain Anderson would be great as a Counciler as he wouldn't care about the blow back from doing the right thing, he'd just do it. The current Councilors not so much."
"That doesn't change the fact that we need them in order to take out Saren. I understand the concern Callum but we don't have much of a choice at the moment, now I need to go have a talk to Wrex." said Shepard
"Just remember that if the Council won't listen to you doesn't mean the people behind them won't." I said before Shepard went looking for Wrex.
How much time was wasted speaking to the Council trying to convince them when a few minutes with say the Primarch accomplished what talking to the Council couldn't. My words seemed to have shaken a lot of people up, including Ash. While she wasn't exactly close to Wrex, she was close to Tali and the idea someone could cause almost every birth to result in stillbirth, that say her sister's could have died at birth if someone say the Council decided that humans needed a reduction in population hit her hard.
With Shepard
Shepard found Wrex shooting his shotgun into the water. She wasn't sure if he was aiming for any fish or just pulling the trigger for the sake of it.
"Wrex."
"Shepard." responded Wrex
"..."
"If you're worried I'm going to cause a scene and kill somebody then don't." said Wrex
"I thought you wanted a cure?" asked Shepard
"I do, of course I do. But we both know what happens to those that follow Saren. He'll turn us all into mindless slaves and dispose of us when and if we are no longer useful to him and I'd rather die roaring that serving or allowing my people to serve a rapid varren." Said Wrex before continuing
"Destroying the cure is not what has me pissed off. My people are once again being used to fight someone else's war and used as mindless attack varren. Just think of all the krogan that would have joined Saren for the promise of being able to start a family and the krogan we've seen so far. Saren might save us as a species if he doesn't stab us in the back first but he'd reduce us to brain-dead varren sitting in a cage waiting until we're called. The geth would be more alive than us at that point and that's something I refuse to let happen."
"Good, now I need to see if Kirrahe has thought anything up and let him know you and Callum won't be a problem." said Shepard
"Callum? Why what did the runt do?" asked Wrex surprised
"He tore into Kirrahe after you left." answered Shepard
"Really? Huh, didn't see that one coming." said Wrex
"Me neither, I think it's easy to forget sometimes just how new he is at this. Did you know he beat one of the best scores on pinnacle station?" asked Shepard
"Did he really? I have to say the runt's something, not that long ago he was just a farmer. In a few more years he'd be quite something." remarked Wrex
"Makes me wish his initial application to become an alliance marine went through. Now I need to go talk to Kirrahe
45 minutes later
Nearly an hour after the Normandy landed Shepard told the entire ground crew to meet at the command tent.
"Okay everyone, Captain Kirrahe have been talking and we have come up with a plan. There will be three sets or teams the first will be the salarians, Ash, Garrus, Gamora and Callum you're going with them to help things along. You'll be your own team with Ash as the leader.." started Shepard before Kirrahe took over
"We will further divide into three teams and provide a distraction by attacking the front of the facility to allow the other teams to complete their goals. The first team will be called Aeghor led by Chief Williams, the second Mannovai led by Commander Rentola and the third will be called Jaeto will be led by myself. When each team is in place we'll start our attack.
Originally the Chief would have been leading some of my own men but Commander Shepard said her ground team was large enough to spare me a few more so they have been split up into the others drastically increasing our chances of getting through this alive.
Each assault team will be responsible for disabling an AA gun before we meet together outside the main gate, and breach it before taking out the final one which is only about 200 meters from where the Normandy will be landing. If your pilot is as good as you say he is those are the only AA guns we need to disable. Tell your pilot to be careful though, while remote there is a chance we missed an AA. When that's done everyone will fall back to the Normandy to leave. Make sure each gun is disabled electronically and physically, we can't risk the geth doubling back and undoing our work."
"The next team will be me, Wrex, and Solana and will go by call sign Shadow. We're to go in fast and quiet to take out any ground forces and disable anything important along the way with our own gun to disable near the end, to avoid detection we'll also be comms silent unless things have gone horribly wrong." said Shepard before continuing
"Eventually though they'll realise there's a second team, coming in the back. Especially when they see Ash or Garrus who Saren knows I work with but no sight on anyone else from our team. However, we'll need you to occupy their attention as much as possible for as long as possible, every second counts. We also know that Saren has another beacon, it's possible its here but don't know for certain so I need everyone to keep an eye out. If we do find it, it's doubtful we are going to be able to extract it but at the very least I'll need to access it."
"Finally the last team comes into play, called Boom. Not my idea. Enough of our ship survived to recover our drive, we've converted it and other parts of our ship into a twenty-kiloton ordinance. The last team will be arming and delivering it while making sure any of Sarens' forces don't go near it. As Luitenant Kaiden and Tali are your tech experts this will be their job to arm the nuke and make sure they're aren't any last-minute problems, I'm told miss Tali has written a code that would lock the geth out of whatever they are trying to access. We'd like it if you'd used it for the nuke." requested Kirrahe
"This means that we won't be able to use it for the rest of the mission. To cover Tali and Kaiden we'll have Liara, Alice and Tristan who'll be using the Mako gun if needed but that shouldn't be the case. By that point, there should only be a few stranglers in the landing zone and my team shouldn't be far from your location if we weren't there already. Now are there any questions?" asked Shepard
"Why are we even bothering to plant the nuke, why not simply drop it from orbit after we take care of the AA guns?" asked Ash bluntly
"And if there really is a beacon surely we must do everything possible to retrieve it?" asked Liara concerned
"The facility is too reinforced, a drop from orbit won't take it out. It needs to be set at a certain location as for the beacon, we don't even know if it is here. It could be in another safe house for all we know and extracting something the size of a beacon is a difficult process, especially from a hostile force. We can either plan to extract the beacon or blow the facility, we can't do both.
If it is here then Saren's not stupid, he would have put it at the most protected spot so there is a chance that it could survive the blast but we can't hold off the mission because of possibilities or what-ifs. This reminds me, Commander Shepard has told me about this 'indoctrination' while I'm dubious about it at best there are methods that can alert someone's personality, which makes what I say next difficult. It is entirely possible that some of my men have been captured if you come across them and they haven't been compromised please help them. If they have been..." trailed off Kirrahe
"I understand." responded Shepard
"Thank you, now I need a minute to talk to my men." said Kirrahe walking outside
Standing in front of them Captain Kirrahe began to speak.
"We all know our mission, we all know what is at stake and I have come to trust each one of you with my life. But I know some of you are unhappy and there is murmurs of are trained for espionage, not for war. We could be, would be legends...but the records are sealed. Glory and renown in battle is not our way. But think of the heroes we do know of; the Silent Step who defeated a nation with a single shot before vanishing without a trace. Or the Ever Alert who with facts known and hidden was able to keep entire armies at bay.
These unknown giants of history may not seem to give us solace and we are not them, but they remind us what we are, what we can do and what we must do! Before there was a network there was the fleet. Before there was diplomacy there were soldiers. But there was always us, from the beginning of the Council and the Citadel we were there. We will always be needed, our sacrifice will always be needed. In war, we will be needed! In peace, we will be needed! When the rachni came our influence stopped them, but before that, we held the line. When the krogan roared our influence stopped them, but before that we held the line. Our influence will stop Saren. But before that, we must hold the line! In this battle, we must hold the line!"
"Good speech." remarked Shepard
"Thank you, I hope it makes a difference. We have a number of small stealth vehicles, the S-14. There not much to look at and don't have much armour that our used to but they'll get you in place undetected. I'll have one of my men to drop you off before they head to one of their other team's to support them then reconvene with the rest of us at the front gate when everyone's done." said Kirrahe "The others we'll use to get into position ourselves. There are not enough vehicles for each team so one vehicle will have to transport two teams, Chief Williams if you don't mind I'd like if your team was dropped off first to the closest guns, the vehicle with then go back for Commander Rentola and team Mannovai."
"Quick question, wouldn't it be better if we just hopped on the outside and hang on? If we're careful it should be fine." suggested Ash
"The vehicle's profile was made for stealth and the hull is hard to be picked up by radar even geth's. I believe having two humans, a turian and of all things, a green asari hanging on the outside will ruin this." said Kirrahe shooting down the idea
"Good point." responded Ash
"If it was any other enemy then it would be a good plan, but if the geth even detect us even once before the attack all benefits of surprise are lost." said Kirrahe
With that, we split up into our assigned teams. Both salarian teams each had five or six members, which meant originally they were only to have three or four per team. Shit, no wonder Kirrahe said their chances of survival had drastically increased. How the fuck they managed to survive originally I had no idea, while I knew thanks to Mordin that underestimating salarians, especially those that worked in STG was a bad idea that would get you killed they weren't frontline soldiers.
They had that in common with the asari, they were good with stealth and could do a large amount of damage in small numbers, but as the majority of an armed force for a frontline battle, you were better to go with either krogan or turians. There was a reason Thessia didn't do well when the Reapers fell despite the asari commandoes and huntresses being considered one of the strongest forces out there and wasn't just their limited numbers and how long it took to train them. It was how they fought.
Turians fought as a unit whether in a small group or large, asari on the other hand fought either individually or in small groups, not larger ones. Turians were roman like in nature, once they got their shield wall up it took a lot of effort to break through...a lot more than should be necessary as each one supports the one next to him.
Asari were more like SWAT, quick, devastating and specialised...too specialised, if an army invaded you wouldn't send them aside from specific types of mission. When the Reapers hit that over-specialization cost them as they were forced into positions and combat roles they weren't suited or trained for. It was like my bow vs my assault rifle, by bow was deadly but I wouldn't use it if my enemy was less than twenty meters or if I was on the frontline of a battle.
The vehicles we had to use somewhat resembled the mako in shape and having a low profile but it was significantly smaller, only four wheels and no cannon. There was however a pair of machine guns above the front wheels and a large antenna on the back. Climbing inside I could see that there was a single seat up the front for the driver who I guessed, due to the lack of any other controls also controlled the guns. Behind the driver/gunner, there was enough room to fit four or five..salarians that was. When we all got in things were extremely tight. Gamora's tits were pushing against one of my arms, something that I felt may not just due to how tight it was, Ash's elbow was in my side and I was pretty sure if we hit a bump and someone went airborne Garrus's spur would go up their ass. I just hoped that wouldn't happen.
OMAKE Red and Blue Effect, at the Salarian Camp during planing
"Hold on." said Kaiden, interrupting Captain Kirrahe "You want us to do a ground assault? That's suicide!"
"I agree not many of us are likely to make it out, but with our current number that's the only plan we have." replied Kirrahe
"Hold on, what if you had more men?" asked Washington, with Sarge and Coralina standing close by, the rest of the idiots...doing who knows what.
'Mental note, check up on idiots after meeting to make sure they don't get us all killed before Saren and the geth.' said Shepard to herself
"More men would increase our chances." said Kirrahe "But they're not just going to appear from nowhere."
"Hey Sarge, you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Washington
"What are you thinking?" asked Shepard, with a hint of worry if she was being honest
"Do I have to? You know how much I hate those guys?" asked Sarge sullenly
"I don't think we have much choice." replied Washington
"What are you thinking?" repeated Shepard
"Fine fine, I'll get to work. Do you guys have a work shop or something?" asked Sarge
"GUYS! What are you thinking?" asked Shepard
"Trust me, you're going to like it." said Washington
"Now if you don't mind me I've got work to do." said Sarge before walking off
All Shepard could do was rubb her head, at this rate she'll to have a tumour the size of a grape fruit removed from her head, she just knew it.
20 minutes later
Twenty minutes later everyone was standing outside looking at a...door frame, a door frame hooked up to a generator.
"What is this?" asked Shepard while Captain Kirrahe just looked at everyone like they were idiots
"Hold on, let me turn it on." said Sarge
"Turn it...?" started Shepard before a green field suddenly appeared
"And there, now wish me luck." said Sarge before stepping into the frame and...
"Where the fuck did he go!" shouted Ash, a statement that she fully agreed with. Hell even Kirrahe's mouth was agape
"What never seen a teleporter before?" asked Tucker
"B-but how, the work shop was mostly full of bits and pieces. Even if teleportation were possible there is no way someone could make such a device with what was in there." said Kirrahe, unable to believe what he just saw.
"Yeah, usually Sarge's teleporters use a lot more duck tape, since you didn't have that he went with glue." said Simmons
"What what?" asked Kirrahe shocked
'Is that what I look like?' thought Shepard
"Just hang on, they shouldn't be that much longer." said Griff
Now that got her attention.
"Who's they?" asked Shepard. But before they could answer...or respond really, since getting an answer from these guys takes ten minutes or more a literally army of red and blue armoured figures walked back through the teleporter.
"Well...I guess you got your extra men." said Shepard, all the while thinking 'I am not going to be stuck with these ones.'
Eventually the red and blue tide came to an end, there looked to be close to a hundred men if not just a bit more.
"How did you...?" started Kaiden before being interrupted
"Hold in there son, need to make a speak." said Sarge cutting him off.
'Oh no.'
"Reds! And blues I suppose." murmured Sarge "I gather you all here to deal with a common enemy, an enemy sooo heinous that he has the unspeakable, no the unthinkable! ...He has desecrated the flags!" shouted Sarge
Shepard could literally feel everyone faceplanting going on around her
"What did he do?!" asked one of the red guys in outrage
"He ripped up the flags! He then made socks from those socks and he...and he mixed the colours!" exclaimed Sarge like it was the worst crime in the world
"That bastard!" shouted the same red guy
'Okay I guess some would agree.'
"And then he wore them for a month straight, no washing! Then when that month was over, he took them off...and used them to wipe his arse! Before he flushed them down the toilet!"
'WTF!'
"That bastard! I'm going to rip his fucking arms off! I'm going to shove them up is ass before I pull them out through his stomach! I'm...hold on wait dinners ready, be back in fifteen." said the guy before going totally silent...and totally still. Was the guy even breathing?
"What happened to him?" asked Ash
"Oh don't worry he's just afk, he'll be back later." said another red guy "Though if you want you can just kick him and I'll send an invite to a friend. We've never seen this map."
"How is this possible? You built a teleporter in twenty minutes?" asked Kirrahe
"That's not all I did. I noticed you were building a little bomb in there so I made a few improvements." answered Sarge
'Oh no.'
"Please tell me you didn't make another Andy?" asked Griff with worry
"Another what?" asked Shepard only to once again be ignored
"It worked didn't? Andy was great." defended Sarge
"Ohh really? When?" asked Griff
"Well the time he...and there was that one time..."said Sarge before apparently realising something "Ohhhh shit. Ahhh Commander, if you would excuse me there is ahhh, there is something I need to do."
Before Sarge could weasel away however they were joined by two new salarians.
"Captain Kirrahe, Commander Shepard we have a situation." said one of them
Giving Sarge the stink eye Shepard turned and asked the one question she absolutely hated to ask and yet asked so often "What did he do this time?"
Instead of giving them an answer the salarians just took them to the bomb. At first Shepard couldn't tell anything was off, however when one of the salarians got too close..
"Hey back of you creepy little bastard!" said a shill voice, the voice that you'd expect from a seventeen year old girl who thought she was not only the most important girl in school but the most pretty as well and was 100% spoilt. She also had a weird accent she couldn't place, it was like a drawl were every syllable went twice as long as necessary. It was thick, a bit nasally and sounded like one woman who said she worked as nanny in New York on Earth or something
"...did that bomb just." stayed Kaiden
"I have a name you know! You Tarantino-looking bastard! It's Amanda, not that you care!" shot the bomb aka Amanda
"Oh not again." murmured Griff
"I heard that! I might not have ears but I do have feelings and your stepping all over them!"
"Okay just let me..." started Sarge walking towards...
"Hold it right there you pervert! I'm not letting you put your old gressy, yucky old man hand over my young, supple cables. You come any closer and I'll blow us all up, just fucking try me. Except for the blue one, he's cute." said Amanda
"What me? I should have known, all lady's love the T-man." boasted Tucker
"Okay ewwww and ewwww, also...ewwww. I meant the other blue one, the good-looking one ohhhh, I'd love to feel his hands over my young, perky body before opening up to explore. I mean really get in there you know what I mean?"
"Hold on a second Caboose..." started Tali
"Shut it bitch I saw him first! You should have made your move when you had the chance. Now bring me some paints and dyes, I want to look good for my big day okay."
"I'm sorry?" asked a bewildered Kirrahe
"You heard me, you want me to explode, you need make look pretty. I'm not going out unless I'm looking my best, I'm better than your plain, ordinary bomb, everyday bomb and because of that I deserve special treatment."
"..."
"Or I could blow up now and take you all with me." said Amanda in a sickly sweet tone of voice
"Grapping Donut's make up kit." said Simmon's quickly
"Hold on, no one touches my kit except me!" rebuffed Donut in that I pitch voice of his.
"Ehh, that's fine. I'm a down to earth kind of gall and it's obvious a failed hair dresser is the best you can do." shot Amanda
"Hold, did you say failed hair dresser?" asked Donut quietly and for a second Shepard thought there was going to be a problem, she should of remembered though who she was talking about. "You thought I could have been a hair dresser! OMG we have so much to talk about! Let me hear all your diss girl."
"I know right? I've only been alive for like...18 minutes and everythings already sooooo boring! I mean how do you put up with this? My first memory is of that old guy connecting my green wire to my aqua and that's like totally sexual harassment right? If it wasn't for the fact I'm going to be blowing people up soon I'd sue his ass off."
"Why not do both?" asked Donut "Talk to a lawyer or write to one now, then blow up later."
"O...M...G that is sooo smart! I'm going to do that! That way the next time that pervy old man get close a bomb he'll think twice before touching."
'Okay, I'm getting out of here.'
Amanda's voice and character was inspired by every movie where the pretty girls are absolute bitches such as Mean Girls and the Nanny tv show for the accent