Chapter 22

Under My Skin

On top of having the most solid night of sleep he had had in years, Levi awoke Monday morning in a very strange mood; once again, he hadn't had any dreams last night, but instead of feeling distressed because of it like he had the prior two mornings, he felt anxious because he didn't feel worried about not having them. Consequently, this only made him think about them more.

Grabbing a zip-down, green hoodie from his closet first, Levi made his way down the stairs, and all the while, he contemplated what could have brought about this drastic change in emotions. Making a quick stop in his kitchen, he poured himself a cup of coffee from the fresh, hot pot which he had set up per normal on a timer the night before and took it outside with him as he made his way to his patio.

Sitting down, he picked up the pack of Dunhill's resting on the side glass top table and took one to his lips before striking a flame with a Zippo. As the nicotine made its way down to his lungs, Levi concentrated on the sounds of the waking birds chirping a chorus back and forth to each other in the soft rising light in an attempt to drown out the never ending chorus of questions in his head surrounding his dreams since that had seemed to help yesterday. Yet even in the midst of the morning's glory, he could not shake the hooks of eerie uneasiness still embedded in his soul from the final images he had witnessed days ago.

Mercifully, having seen Mike yesterday to hash out the plans for the upcoming album and video gave Levi something real to grasp onto and an outlet for his emotional turbulence.

Yesterday he had told Mike that even though they had basically already wrote all the new material for their next album, he still wanted to write something totally new and do something completely unlike anything they had ever done before in the video for the new lead song on the album.

The drummer had been both shocked and intrigued by the direction Levi wanted to take for this seemingly abrupt switch in plans. The longtime friend could see there was a change transpiring in the singer since the night of their last concert exactly like Hanji said.

That night Levi had revealed his gender to his fans, and now the man wanted to go a leap even farther with, for the first time, using a model in the video to tell the world his true sexuality as well.

To the fans at large, it was always suspected that L was pansexual since the singer had chosen to stay gender neutral. Reinforcing this assumption was the fact that in the earliest days of the band before Levi had gained control over his pain and crafted his L and Dr. Ackerman personas, the singer had been involved in quite a few substance induced threesomes with a strict one guy and one girl pattern. However, what no one saw behind the closed doors was that the guys Levi always chose for these occasions were bi-sexual; so the women he included didn't necessarily need to be sexually satisfied by him personally—and for the most part weren't. It wasn't like either of them would remember the next morning which way went where because by the time they got to the room they were so sloshed the whole thing would be a blur, if they remembered anything at all.

Levi knew this urge to come out might be risky, but he had always used the band as his outlet for whatever was troubling his mind. And if he could dump all the chaos in his head into his music, he knew it would give him some release from the dreams.

Taking a long drag on his cigarette and then exhaling fully the white puff of smoke, another just as troubling thought popped into his head—Eren.

Levi could hardly believe that he had actually asked the brunet to come up to his office this afternoon. It had only been three days ago that he had told the teen when they were on campus they would strictly be teacher and student; however, Levi telling the brunet to stop by yesterday could practicality be considered crossing Dr. Ackerman's self-imposed boundary.

'But would it be crossing the boundary if Eren was actually studying in my office?' he asked himself.

His mind rationalized the conflict and determined that if Eren had a legitimate reason to be there, other than just to hang out, then it would not be overstepping the professional line. With that thought in mind, he put out his cigarette, grabbed his cup of coffee, and stood up from his chair to walk back inside the house. It was time for him to focus on his ritual of starting Dr. Ackerman's day.

Eren let out a long sigh as he made his way up the stairs to "Dr. Ackerman's" office. After all the joking that was said over the phone yesterday, the man shoved the stick even farther up his ass and gave them a 20 page reading assignment, which included a quiz in their next class.

Up till the end of class this morning, Eren had been whimsically anticipating they would have some time to talk openly like they did the day before. But it seemed the man was still putting up his walls. From both the assignment and the ban on texting his "professor" during the school week, out of spite, the thought about being a no-show did cross Eren's mind. However, he knew if he skipped out, Levi would most likely never invite him again. Therefore, even with the stupid assignment getting in the way of his hopeful plans, he knew he still must stop by and at least say hi. Deep down Eren did understand Levi was trying to meet him halfway. But just who would Eren be meeting in that room today?

Eren repositioned the drink tray he was carrying and knocked firmly on the closed door. Even though he was invited, he didn't want to risk encroaching on the man's privacy again after he finally got him to open up. After a few seconds of not getting a response, he pulled out his phone to check the time and it read 15:03. A nervous blush blanked his body, and he started to sweat. If he was meeting with Dr. Ackerman, then he was definitely late; but it was Levi that invited him, so punctuality should not matter, right?

Eren pushed the phone back into his pocket before he raised his hand to knock once more, but before his fist could hit the wooden door, it swung open from the other side. Eren's eyes opened wide in surprise at the action and his pupils dilated at the sight of the shorter male.

When Eren had last seen Levi in class that morning, the professor was wearing a blazer and sweater vest over a long sleeve button up with tie, but now the man standing before him had lost everything except the cobalt dress shirt which he now wore with the sleeves rolled up his forearms and halfway unbuttoned revealing the white, tight shear weight tee underneath. At this close a distance, the color of the shirt only made Levi's unique eyes standout more. The tails were still tucked into a pair of nice dress jeans donning a black leather belt around slim hips. Blissfully, from Eren's view point, he could see the outline of sculpted chest muscles and abs through the thin cotton. Even though Eren had gazed upon the noirette's visage thousands of times, right now it seemed like he was seeing him for the first time.

When Levi heard the strong knock at the door, he just knew it was Eren, and a small flutter of nervousness tickled his stomach. He opened his mouth to call out for the teen to come in, but hesitating, no sound came out. It just didn't feel right to him for some reason. Levi was the one that invited Eren to come up to his office today, and, although they were now on campus and it would be Dr. Ackerman spending the afternoon with the teen, Levi at least should be the one to greet him at the door.

He closed his email inbox before he quietly got up from his desk and leisurely traveled the short distance to the door. As he took his time to approach the barricade, he half thought the teen would just open it and come in freely as he usually did. However, after the knock, Levi didn't hear any other indication that someone was on the other side of the door which made him think that perhaps it possibly was someone else waiting outside. Maybe Eren had changed his mind about coming since he gave the student such a lengthy reading assignment. But if a mere 20 pages of reading sent the brunet running, then there really wasn't enough there to become something more between them. A pin drop of disappointment pinged his heart at the thought, but instantly his soul rang back with hope, knowing that would not be the case given how obsessed the fan had always been with L.

Grasping the door handle, and with a bit too much force, Levi pulled the door open in a rush and saw a look of surprise light the brunet's emerald eyes, but as the seconds ticked by, he watched those green gems morph into a glimmer of desire.

Levi had to do his best not to show that those eyes affected him so much, especially now that he had given up on fighting to see Eren as more than just his student. "Well are you coming in or are you just going to stand there like an idiot?"

Eren shook his head to get the sexual thoughts out. He knew he had been caught gawking at Levi, but he couldn't help it. The man just did something to him unlike any person he had ever known before. "Yeah," he said, fumbling over his words, "Here… I brought you a tea… And hi," before stretching out his hand that was holding the drink tray.

Levi stared at the drink tray with some hesitation before he took the offered item into his free hand. "Hi. Come in," he said in a much softer voice. With his eyes fixed on the package in his hand, Levi stepped back a little to allow Eren to cross the threshold. In all honesty, Levi was a bit unsure how to handle the situation. They were currently on campus, so that meant that it was supposed to be Dr. Ackerman whom Eren was meeting. However, it had been Levi that invited the teen to stop by. Therefore, who was supposed to be in charge right now?

As he pondered this question, Levi closed the door and watched Eren walk to the front of the antique oak desk in the center of the room and set his booksack down onside of one of the chairs. When the teen turned around, Levi could tell that the brunet was just as unsure as he was; even so, it did nothing to calm his nerves. The hand holding the knob left it unlocked as it left both because if someone happened to come to his office he wouldn't be found in a locked room with one of his students and also for reinforcing his own self-control in Eren's presence. For even underneath the uncertainty, Levi could also see hopeful desire swirling through the teen by his more relaxed body language and bold action of perching himself on the edge of Levi's desk with his hands on either side of him grasping at the overhung lip for support as both his lanky legs casually dangled slightly spread apart.

'FUCK. ME. I should have never imagined plowing him bent over on my desk when I got off.'

Instead of going behind his wooden fortress as he normally did when Eren was there, Levi walked towards the compact seating area against the left side wall and set the drinks down on the small coffee table next to the papers he had been grading earlier. The professor was glad he was able to place the hot liquids down without spilling them on his graduate class's test. Picking up a bright orange pin and the stack of blue exam booklets, he wordlessly took a seat on one side of the small couch.

After he had made himself comfortable and gotten his body back under his control, with his attention on the papers in front of him, Levi finally spoke, "Well, are you going to sit on my desk the whole time?" He didn't dare look up at Eren as he waited for the brunet's reply. Even though there would be nothing physically between them, he knew it would be safer to have Eren work alongside him on the couch today than to have them working on any long, hard, and wooden surface. "Or would you rather come sit over here?"

Levi's elegant moments had casted a spell upon Eren, and the teen was drowned in a hypnotic haze. Even though his ears had heard the sound of Levi's voice, it took a few seconds for his brain to translate; shaking his head to clear it back to the present, Eren stood in disbelief that Levi allowed for the brunet to be that physically close to him. The teen felt his face heated up from being caught so off-guard before, slowly, he started to move toward the small loveseat. He picked up his backpack and nervously approached. He was at a loss of what he should be doing in this situation. Levi looked like he was busy with work, and Eren didn't want to disturb the man. But if Levi was so busy with work, then why did he invite Eren to come and see him today? But the bigger question was why was Levi permitting for Eren to be that close to him given the teen's behavior just days ago? Did the man have that much faith in him that he thought Eren wouldn't try and make a move on him again now that their rules were established?

Holding back the questions that were hanging thick in the air, Eren cautiously took the offered seat on the small couch and slowly dropped his bag between his feet. Sitting mere inches away from Levi, Eren stared down at his metallic gray Swiss Army backpack with his heart hammering in his chest as he momently recalled what had happened the only other time he had approached Levi in this very spot.

Expecting Dr. Ackerman to be waiting on him, the brunet, instead, had found the noirette sleeping on the chase having a nightmare. And as he drew near, unexpectedly he heard Levi whimpered out " 'Eren' ". The teen then extended a comforting touch; and though still not awake, Levi took hold of Eren's hand for refuge. Unable to resist, Eren gently kissed Levi before the man, still mostly asleep, reached up and called out Eren's name again. Assuming Levi was awake, Eren addressed the singer by his real name and rejoiced when Levi, instead of denying his masked identity, passionately joined their lips back together in extreme deprivation. However, only moments later, Eren found himself hitting the floor and looking up at an irate man.

Finally lifting his head up, Eren turned his eyes toward Levi, and the sight caused his lungs to stutter. The man sat casually leaning into the corner of the chair, his left elbow propped upon the arm rest and his right leg crossed over his left with a stack of paper sitting upon his lap; from his head tilting down in concentration, bits of black strains swept over his face partly covering his eyes as he focused on grading. Deeply admiring the resplendent, picturesque panorama, Eren had a sense of déjà vu and goose bumps spread over his skin. Swiftly turning his head to the other side, he sat almost paralyzed while staring at the door and hiccupping shallow breaths.

Even though Levi's eyes were focused on the exams on his lap, it didn't mean that he wasn't hyperaware of Eren's presence as the teen took a seat beside him, and he had to hold back everything inside himself not to look up at the brunet. Trying to appear disinterested, he willed his muscles to relax as he had long trained himself to do so as L.

The only thing that allowed him to stay statuesque, as Eren's eyes swept over him, was the thought of every thing that could go wrong if just a single person saw either of them with their hands on the other. The term "It's not what it looks like" certainly would not apply here; because it would be every bit of what it looked like. However, his fringed interest faded when the student's head suddenly jerked the other way. Pausing for a second, Levi finally lifted his head up and tuned it to look at Eren both in curiosity and concern. "After all this time now is when you decide to start acting shy?" he said jokingly in a voice more relaxed than he felt. "And here I thought I might have to beat you off with a stick."

"Don't tempt me with a good time you won't deliver on." The brunet said as he whipped his head towards Levi, eyes filled with defiance.

"…Oh…" Levi was caught off guard by such a reply. "So you get your rocks off from being physically abused… Is that your sorta thing? …Well, it explains a lot."

"Actually, it's not really something I have done before."

"Honestly? …Hmmm…Could've fooled me."

"You're the only one I have ever allowed or wanted to touch me in that way."

"Ha… Than if that's true, it's only because that's the kinda vibes that L purposely puts off and he's the idol that you worship so much. Meaning, that you would let me do whatever I wanted to you just to please me."

"No, it's not. It's because…because…" Eren faltered to find the right words to express why the noirette was different. But how could he explain it to Levi when he himself didn't really know why. Looking Levi straight in the eyes, Eren gave the man the only answer he could be certain of. "It's because you're Levi that I think makes you the exception."

Levi became both anxious and aroused from both Eren's answer and the youth's fervid gaze locked with his. And with those glistening greens tied to his brilliant blues, Levi got the impression that Eren could actually perceive into his soul and see HIM—see who Levitruly was. The older man suddenly suffered as if all the air conditioning was being sucked out of the room. Experiencing a sensation as if he was being stripped down of both his masks by Eren's eyes, the noirette straightened up his posture, planting both feet on the floor and reached for his drink on the table, breaking away from Eren's excessively honest and openly sincere endless pools of emerald.

Why was it that this teen always had a way of unsettling him with the simplest of words? Deep down they caused tiny butterflies to flutter between the fissures in his armor and fill him with a feeling he had never felt in this life time.

Perched straight up on the cushion, with his tea in hand, he wet his dry throat. As the drink gratifyingly made its way down, out of the corner of his eye, he was painfully aware that Eren was still watching him silently waiting for Levi to speak. Ultimately if this was any other situation, one of his personas would give a natural defensive reply. However, Levi was not sure how to respond to him. What kind of answer could he give that would not come out as if he was pushing away and invalidating Eren's feelings again, hurting the teen as he had been doing? Just what kind of answer was Eren expecting for him? But more importantly, why did Levi suddenly give a shit about what words came out of his mouth for once? Abruptly it occurred to him that Eren was expecting the truth from Levi, and not L or Dr. Ackerman.

His heart was strangely pulsing with hope that what Eren had been saying was true as the images he used when he got himself off over the weekend rewound in his mind. He was glad he had the test booklets still in his lap for he felt his dick coming alive as his mind raced with the possibilities of exploration before he smacked the brain on top of his shoulders back to reality. "You don't need to push yourself into becoming someone or something you think I'm attracted to." '…Because I already am.' He finished in his head.

"But I'm not pushing myself…I'm just letting go of the chains that's been tying me down."

'MAYDAY… MAYDAY… MAYDAY…' A warning alarm sounded off in Levi's head.

This conversation was beginning to dive way too deep into dangerous territory that was not appropriate to be roamed yet and definitely not here or now. Anxiously, he set the cup in his hand back on the table, and cautiously slow, keeping the gradings in front of his groin, he stood up from the couch.

He walked over to the opposite side of the room to where a tall, four drawer file cabinet stood; with his back turned to Eren—for obvious reasons—he put the exams on top of it before opening the second from the top drawer. Rummaging through the dividers, he searched for the only thing he could think about to turn a 180 on the topic of conversation. As he stood there searching, Levi used all his mental capacities to put on his "Dr. Ackerman" mask in hopes it would calm his body down, and blessedly it worked. Finally finding the item he was looking for, he pulled it out and closed the door before picking the test back up.

Purposely focused, Levi walked back to the other side of the room and sat once more next to Eren. He opened the manila folder he had taken out and handed Eren a sheet of paper. "We never got a chance to go over the requirements for your project assignment. These are my notes from class that day. You can copy them down and ask me any questions you might have if you don't understand something."

"Oh…Ok…" Looking down at the document he was handed somewhat disappointed the man had changed the topic to business, "Was this the only reason you asked me to drop by today?" Eren asked. "Well, at least he cared enough to remember I needed help with the assignment." He groaned inwardly to himself.

"Not exactly, but it was part of it," he said, twisting the truth. "I don't want you to fall behind because I couldn't be upfront and honest with you." When Eren didn't answer, Levi fidgeted in his seat and started to feel remorse while debating with himself if he should let Eren in a little deeper. "Look, I know I haven't been the most agreeable person with you, but that is just the way I am sometimes. It's a take it, or leave it trait… If you can't accept that, then it's a deal breaker because I'm not going to change who I am. So do you think you can accept it?"

"I think I already have. Because if I couldn't, I don't think I would be sitting in this seat. Besides, I'm not always the most agreeable person myself… If you haven't noticed already, I have quite a defiant side myself."

"Ha… Oh, I have definitely noticed. You can be quite the little shit sometimes. It's probably why you bring out that side of me all the time."

"So I guess that means that you like that part of me since you didn't kick me out permanently on Friday?" Eren said with a shit eating grin.

Levi was actually surprised by that response. He never really gave any thought to if he found that quality in the boy actually appealing or not. He knew it didn't turn him off; but did it really turn him on? Fronted point blank by the question, there wasn't one single part of Levi which wanted or could deny that claim. On Friday Eren had gotten him so worked up, Levi gave into the darkest of temptations. Feeling this conversation topic swaying, Levi knew he had to get control of it before it circled right back to where he left the other one—with a major boner. "Since you brought it up. That was your one get out of jail free pass since I lied. Pull some shit like that again in this office and I will. And if you're the one that fucks this up, you best believe that I will never allow you to drop from my class," he said in the most commanding tone he could muster.

Eren physically gulped. The steel blue scowl in Levi's eyes was threatening and deadly and arousing. This was the man that Eren wanted to experience more of. The danger that swirled around in those brilliant orbs of blue was the raw animalistic nature of all mortals. And he knew without a doubt, this man was 100% Levi. He felt his hands start to tremble from thrill, and he had to put down the document in his hands on the table before it betrayed his cool facade and gave his excitement away. Needing to distract his mind before he did do something that would get him kicked out permanently, Eren dug in his booksack and pulled out his textbook, binder, and pens, setting them on the table. Eren knew he would have to fight every urge of his body to survive Levi's trial. Trying to sound nonchalant as he did so, "Well, I guess that means I need to get busy with my studies because I have no plans of failing or dropping your class…"After he was done gathering his supplies, he sat silently, slightly hunched over looking at the piece of paper he had put on the table, "… and… Thank you."

"For what?" Levi was confused as to what Eren was thanking him for. Not kicking him to the curb? Giving him the notes to the assignment? The list was quite extensive.

Eren wasn't really sure. It just felt like it was the right thing to say in this moment. Thinking on it, had he ever told Levi "thank you" before? He couldn't remember, and if he hadn't, then he needed to. The man was placing his professional career, his singing, his lifeon the line by putting his trust in Eren. No one had ever put so much faith into him in his life. And He felt the weight of the situation grip on to him like shackles, chaining him down. Just one wrong move from the teen and he could destroy the one person he wanted more than the world. Therefore, in that instant, Eren found his resolve to control his hormones, and he decided to protect Levi instead. "For letting me finally meet Levi."

Neither moved nor said one sound, and the silence stretched on. The words had rolled out from the teen's mouth with such tenderness that Levi had felt their affection.

"Well don't thank me just yet. You got 20 pages of reading to get done. And I suggest you take notes as you read, because it's some really dense material. And you have to take a 20 point 20 question quiz on Wednesday."

"Dr. Ackerman, are you giving me special treatment by telling me what is going to be on the quiz?"

'Dr. Ackerman?' Levi cocked one thin eyebrow and gave Eren a sideways glance and just stared at him. The teen was now watching him with a grin and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. 'You really are a little shit.' Levi thought.

Suddenly Eren started to giggle. "Hah… you should see the look on your face right now." That comment turned Levi's poker face into an outright scowl, and the brunet only laughed harder.

"Laugh all you want now, but I'm going to be the one laughing when you fail the quiz because you couldn't stop being a little shit long enough and study when you had a chance to with the best tutor possible."

"Oh? So you're my personal tutor now. Well, pray tell, doctor, what new things are you going to teach me?"

"Fucking brat." The words shot out of Levi's mouth automatically and they left him stunned. It was a phase he had only recalled saying in his dreams. So why did he just say that? And why did those words feel so right?

"You know for someone who keeps preaching sex is off limits you sure do mention fucking a lot.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply." And appearing aloft, Levi turned his head back to his exam booklets. "… Now. Either get to work or get the fuck out. Because I need to concentrate on getting these exams graded before my next class." He held up a thick stack of blue booklets. "So if you're not going to study, you're just wasting my valuable personal time."

Eren looked at his smart watch and saw that it was already nearly 16:00, which meant Levi's official office hours had ended 10 minutes ago. 'Where did all that time go?' he pondered. It felt like he had just sat down. "Sorry if I am bothering you when you are so busy. I can leave if you want me to."

"That's not it." If Levi was thinking straight he would have taken Eren up on the offer. But still a bit rattled from his weekend, he couldn't concentrate enough to make what should have been the simplest and smartest choice for Dr. Ackerman. Levi was always being pulled in multi directions whenever Eren was involved. It was not the teen's fault he was behind on work. Normally, he would already be finished by now, having had gotten these test graded over the weekend with ease. However, the monster in his head kept roaring and clawing away at his mind, halting him from thinking about anything but his dreams. He had hoped things would be better once he was on campus; but to his displeasure, they kept sporadically calling to him throughout the day from the back of his mind. "Do you think I would have asked you to come if I thought it was a bother?"

Instead of answering a yes or no, Eren asked a question. "Do you always stay later than your office hours to work on class assignments?"

"Well, I also usually work on band stuff on Wednesday afternoons during my closed office hours. That's why I keep such a large block closed to students on that day." Silently hesitating for a minute, Levi gave into the tugging voice inside. "If… If you have the time on Wednesdays…" Suddenly feeling his cheeks warm, Levi was unable to look Eren in the eyes, and he turned his head to the side. "I… I wouldn't be upset if you dropped by during that time." Singer could not believe that after everything that had already occurred between them it was NOWthat he was feeling nervous about things. The noirette knew without a doubt that mentioning band stuff to Eren was like dangling a piece of meat in front of a lion and equally as dangerous, but he was willing to take the risk for a chance to talk with the brunet like this again.

Eren's ears perked up when he heard the word "band", and he only got more excited as Levi kept talking. 'This is really happening, right?' … I didn't go home and fall asleep after class instead of going to Levi's office, did I?' Eren had to do a reality check because it was a dream come true to be personally invited by the man himself to secretly talk with L about his music behind closed doors. It was the offer of a lifetime to every No Name fan, and something Eren never thought possible; therefore, it sounded too good to be true. "Wait…," Eren hopped sideways in the seat to face Levi. "You're not going to make me do homework again on Wednesdays during that time if I come by are you?"

"Not if you're acing my class." Levi said in a challenge.

'Well, hot damn!' Eren was over the moon with excitement and determination, nervousness and anticipation, astonishment and delectation. The possibilities were just as endless as the heavens his spirit was rocketing around. He was just as thrilled by this as he had been when he had first met L, but maybe in a more innocent way of being genuinely happy. This was the first time ever that he wanted to make an "A" for himself in his life and was appreciative to both his parents and Armin for always pushing him so hard to study and do his best in school. For because of them, it ultimately led him to the place he had always wished of being: sitting alongside the man of his dreams.

Eren pondered if this was Levi's way of making it up to him since the man had said that sex was off limits until May—that was if Eren could hold out that long without jumping Levi's bones—but he didn't question it just in case Levi might change his mind if he did. Fully motivated to study now, Eren turned back to the table, grabbed his coffee, and took large gulps of it, downing almost half of the sugary espresso drink. He was going to need the energy if he was to make it through 20 pages before Levi finished grading.

A/N: Well it definitely has been a while. Lol Long story short that I hadn't mentioned before was I sustained a concussion last year in January 2022. And I have been having to relearn everything that takes brain power. Which includes writing. It had really sent me back years as if I had never become a writer to begin with. This is the reason for the change in style.

BUT I refuse to back down. I will not be defeated. I will reclaim everything I was and mold it into something even greater.

Thanks for reading

Please leave reviews to feed my starving muse ;)