Helga's eyes were wide with fear. She pulled away from Arnold but his head hit her lap. His coordination was that of a newborn giraffe from the alcohol. Helga tried to lift him up but he started to fall asleep on her lap. Once she heard gentle snores, she decided to just let him be. She turned to Gerald who was rolling his eyes and approaching them. He went to Arnold and picked him up off the ground, nearly hoisting him over his shoulder.

"Where are the keys?" Gerald asked in a cold voice.

Helga picked them up from the ground and handed them to him. "I can take him home, it's ok."

"You are in no position to be driving either," he pointed out. Once the front door opened, Gerald got Arnold settled in the back seat. He was still asleep even with him being jerked around. "Get in, you're going home too."

"I'm fine," Helga protested.

"You've had enough, I'm not putting it on Phoebe to take you home and I'm sure you don't want Sam to see you wobbling all the way back inside."

This wasn't like Gerald at all. He was usually the chill and supportive one, but right now he sounded almost mad at them. I mean he had the right to be mad, he just caught them kissing out in the open. If Rhonda or Lila had been the ones to come outside, there would be much angrier people speaking to her. But this wasn't Helga's fault, Arnold came on to her. However, she didn't stop him, she tried, but not nearly hard enough.

Helga took the front and didn't didn't realize she was drunk until she couldn't figure out how to buckle her seatbelt. She rested her head against the window and felt the cool touch on her temple. This night was such a blur to her. One minute she was doing karaoke and the next she was ferociously making out with Arnold. She looked over at Arnold who was sleeping soundly in the back seat. She must have been smiling because Gerald cleared his throat to get her attention.

"This isn't right, you know," Gerald spoke. "I might not think Lila is a good match for Arnold, but she doesn't deserve you two going behind her back and deceiving her."
Helga didn't even know what to say. He was right, Lila didn't deserve this from her fiancé and friend. But Helga was in too deep now, she didn't know how to stop these feelings between her and Arnold that clearly weren't going away.

"Do you even see a future with Arnold?" Gerald asked.

Helga didn't respond again. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. On one hand, loving Arnold led her to spiral into a deep depression when he was away from her. On the other, that wasn't who she was anymore, she had worked so hard to be her own person. Then there was the question of whether she could trust herself to love him again. Would she be making the same mistake twice by being with him? Yet it wasn't that easy anymore. Arnold would have to choose to end things with Lila, an entire wedding canceled and they would be the villains in the story. She couldn't blame anyone for calling her a homewrecker, she was actively choosing to do it.

"Helga, you need to set things straight with him. He still loves you and he deserves to know how you really feel and not string him along like a dog."

Helga sunk into her seat, deep down she knew that letting Arnold believe she still had feelings for him was hurting him more than ghosting him. Realistically they had no future together, but a naïve part of her wanted to be a foolish believer anyway because in spite of all the logical thinking that told her otherwise, Helga still had feelings for Arnold. Some might even say it was love that only grew fonder as the years went on. She couldn't deny that she couldn't stay away from him anymore.

Gerald walked Helga up her stoop and knocked on the door. Helga forgot her keys with Phoebe so she had to wait for someone to open the door. Big Bob opened up after the third knock and eyed her and Gerald. Gerald quickly explained that he was only the designated driver and handed her off to her father like a child. Things were blurry around Helga and the voices were muffled but she was so excited to finally go to bed. She wasn't sure what time it was or what had happened but she knew she was sleepy and maybe even a little happy.

"You must be so happy, Little Lady," Bob began to reprimand her. "Look at you wobbling in here like bum! Are you proud of yourself?"

Helga started to giggle, she felt like she was a teenager again going at it with her dad over the stupidest things. Big Bob had no right to be treating her like this when he never acknowledged her.

"You're really one to talk Bob," Helga began slurring her words. "What gives you the right, buddy? You don't care about me."

"Now listen here Ol-"

"It's Helga, Bob," Helga cut in correcting him. "I'm going to my room."

Her exit would have been much more dramatic had she not fallen on her face the minute she moved. Bob grunted in his disappointment while Liam hurried into the room to help her up. He put her arm around his shoulder and hoisted her up. She didn't know how, but they eventually made it to her room. Her bed felt heavenly as she plopped face down on her pillow.

"Helga," Liam sounded as disappointed as Bob, "what is going on with you?"

"I'm fine," Helga mustered to say in the pillow.

"This isn't like you," Liam reminded her. "Getting home so drunk you can't even walk? Come on, kiddo."

Helga rolled to her side. "I'm not a kid, I'm an adult."

"Then act like it. I don't want you intoxicated when you know my son is in the house."

"I'm sorry," Helga whispered. "I'm sorry but it's better than being sad."

Something reassured Helga, she would never be happy, at least not truly. Everything she ever wanted in life came with a hefty price. Being with Arnold either meant moving back to this forsaken city, or being apart from him again and living every day of her life missing him. Being with Arnold was the highest of highs, and being apart the nastiest of withdrawals. She could naively believe she would find someone that blew her away the way he had for the past 19 years of her life, but she knew in her gut there was no one like him.

"I love you always," she whispered into her pillow and she gently fell asleep.

One minute Arnold was at the bar ordering another drink, the next he was standing- ok more like leaning in the hallway of the boarding house. Gerald was trying to keep him balanced but he kept swaying back and forth unable to use his legs. The lack of motor skills somehow made him giggle even though Gerald did not look amused.

"Come on, let's go up to your room," Gerald guided him toward the stairs.

Arnold had never gotten this drunk before. He wasn't one to drink heavily but wow did it feel good to just let go! When he drank he could ignore the voices in his head telling him what he could and couldn't do. They were right to call alcohol liquid confidence. Bits of scenes of the evening trickled into his memory, him watching Abby singing on stage, him ordering a beer, Helga walking into the bar…Looking absolutely perfect in every way. There was something about her in black that made him go hot and feral. Arnold playing never have I ever and nearly exposing himself to all of their friends, now that was a memory he wished he could forget forever. What in the world compelled him to take a shot?

It was the liquid courage, which completely disregarded his fiancée being in on the game too, and knowing damn well, they had never "hooked up". Up until then, Lila had thought Arnold was a virgin too, which he was until not very long ago. He felt horrible for doing this to Lila, but as much as he tried to be content with her, he couldn't be, not when he knew there was someone better out there. He couldn't ignore the way he felt every time he looked at her. He was like an animal ready to pounce, wanting her closer than the last time, longing for her. Even though he knew that she would never feel the same.

Arnold blinked and he was in his room sitting on his bed. Gerald was helping him take off his shoes like a toddler. Arnold tried to bend over but his brain wasn't responding to his commands. Arnold started to giggle, he didn't know why but he did.

"This isn't funny, Arnold," Gerald assured him. "You made a fool of yourself."

"I miss Helga," Arnold mumbled.

Gerald shook him, not too hard but enough to give him a headache. "You need to snap out of it man! This isn't you at all. Sneaking around, lying, playing 2 girls at the same time? What are you doing Arnold?"

"I'm not playing anyone," he whispered.

"Then what do you call this? Asking Lila to marry you, making wedding arrangement, stringing her along and at the same time fucking your high school sweetheart? Do you think it's fair for Helga too? She has to get these mixed signals from you and basically be your side piece. Do you really respect her so little that you do that to her? I know she broke your heart, but that's cold."

Arnold closed his eyes. The room was spinning like a carousel.

And then he threw up.

Emergency therapy session meant that Helga was once again sitting in the middle of a coffee shop pouring her heart out to not only Dr. Bliss but anyone within earshot. She really should be going into her office instead, but Helga was a broke grad student and couldn't afford the copay right now. This was technically just a casual meeting between acquaintances, not a real session. It was mid afternoon so at least there weren't many people in here. Helga had spent the entire morning in bed battling what felt like a life ending hangover. Helga didn't even remember drinking that much, but her body told her otherwise. Now she was sipping her black coffee like she was drinking tar, with a pounding headache, wondering what led her to this moment in her life.

"That's a whole lot to unpack, Helga," Dr. Bliss finally said after hearing the entirety of Helga's story. "How do you feel about the situation?"

"What do you mean, what do I feel?" Helga barked back. "I feel like a pile of shit. I feel like I stabbed a baby. I feel like I'm an awful person and deserve to be miserable."

"That's good," Dr. Bliss with a relief in her tone.

"Good?" How could that be good for Helga? She felt awful and she was beginning to question everything. How could she continue to live this way?

"It's good because you still feel remorse," Dr. Bliss explained. "You care about Lila's feelings, which means you're not a bad person. Have you made some questionable choices? Sure, but you're self aware enough to know they weren't great. Helga, we all do bad things, it doesn't make us bad people. That is, unless we do it with the intention to cause harm, then our morals can definitely be questioned. I know you want to blame yourself, and someone else might say that what you did was wrong, but you and Arnold have a lot of unresolved issues that made it easy for you two to act this way."

Helga stirred her coffee attentively. This was not where she thought the conversation would go. "So you're saying this is OK?"

"I'm not saying you should continue to do it, but you shouldn't let this minor mistake cause you to spiral again. What you need to do is really think about what you want. Do you see yourself developing a real relationship with him? Or are you just doing this purely on lust alone? I wish I could tell you you have time to make up your mind, but unfortunately he has a deadline. Maybe he will make that choice for you, but from what you're telling me, it sounds like he's hoping you'll choose him."

Helga didn't want to choose. Why was everything in her life dependent on her? All she wanted was to sit back and let life just happen, not have to work all the time. When she thought about that choice, it made her feel the panicky knot in her stomach. She didn't want to choose, the last time she had to choose something this major, it nearly destroyed her life. All she really knew she wanted was to be with her family, and they would all be going back to New York soon, so she would too. She wasn't prepared or willing to be apart from them.

"I can't choose him," Helga confessed. "I can't do it again."

"I understand Helga," Dr. Bliss took a long sip of her drink. "You worked very hard on yourself to basically relearn to be happy on your own, and that's amazing. It wasn't easy, I'm sure. It might seem like choosing Arnold is like choosing your depression again. That's one thing that I don't agree with that your past therapist did. You shouldn't associate people with your depression, then they will always be labeled as such. You'll never be able to grow and let it go."

Letting it go. It sounded much easier than it really was. The truth was, Helga was scared. If she let herself do that she risked being caught off guard and letting that depression in again. She didn't know what the outcome would be if she did choose Arnold. Helga never feared the unknown before, she was always a risk taker. But with depression came anxiety, and her anxiety always told her the worst possible outcomes. She was dead in a lot of those situations. Falling in love with Arnold and getting hit by a bus immediately after was more plausible in her mind than them working out and getting married.

"I've never been one to let things go."

"Maybe we should start there then."

Helga smiled. She looked up from her coffee cup and noticed the chimes at the door. She didn't have time to sink in her seat before she locked eyes with Sam. She never talked to him yesterday after her encounter with Arnold. It didn't help that he had asked her out just moments before. What would she say? Before she could respond, he was already back out the door.
That was weird, Sam had been so excited to see her yesterday. Well, she did kinda blow him off in a way. But Sam wasn't usually the petty type.

"Oh no, what's wrong?" Dr. Bliss asked. Helga looked at her confused, there's no way he could have seen Sam. "Your face is very expressive, you know." she explained her unspoken question.

"Sam looked at me and walked away, what the fuck is that about?"

"Right, the other ex boyfriend in the story." She started writing on her tablet. Helga wondered what she had in her notes, probably a timeline and character descriptions to even keep up with this mess. "He might be feeling upset as well. I mean he did ask you on a date and you didn't technically answer, then you ran to Arnold. His feelings are definitely hurt."

"Hey Doc, who's side are you on?" Helga huffed and crossed her arms in front of her sinking back into her chair.

"I'm not here to take sides, Helga. Although I will always be Team Helga, I do have to give you things straight. I'm not trying to antagonize you, I'm simply letting you know what his perspective might be. How would you feel if it was the other way around? Would you want to see him then?"

Helga hated how this woman was always right. Even as a kid, she always knew. Criminy, could she be wrong for once! At least let Helga win one time for shit and giggles. Just then her phone started to vibrate. It had been ringing all day, Phoebe, Jayla, and Abby were all trying to get a hold of her; Helga did disappear after all. Helga was in no mood to talk to them right now. The phone continued to ring so Helga looked down, but was shocked to see it wasn't her friends calling her. It was Lila.

Helga excused herself from the table and walked down to the restrooms to get some privacy. She finally hit the little green bubble and cleared her throat. "Hello?"

"Hi Helga," Lila greeted in her same warm tone. "Could I see you tonight? I need to ask you something."

Arnold woke up that morning startled by a heavy pillow hitting his face. He nearly fell off the bed but was shot back up by the pounding headache bulldozing his brain. He had never been that hungover in his life, and he decided to do it on a Wednesday night? Jesus. He didn't even remember coming home the night before or getting into bed, but here he was, and his mom was staring at him with lasers in her eyes ready to fire.

"Fuck," Arnold groaned as he tried to sit up.

"Are you happy?" His mom asked. He knew not to answer that one. "Do you think you can just show up at whatever time you please drunk? In our home? I don't think so."

Arnold rolled his eyes. His mom was exaggerating, it wasn't like he did that every other day. She could cut him some slack here. "Mom, come on, I'm not a teenager."

"Oh no?" Stella fought back. "Then why are you acting like a child?"

"You're being crazy right now, Mom."

Stella raised her voice now, Arnold never heard her raise her voice at him before. Arnold never got in trouble. This was totally new. "I'm being crazy? Coming home drunk on a Wednesday isn't crazy? Allowing your ex-girlfriend to join your wedding isn't crazy? Sneaking around with her in broad daylight isn't crazy? I know there's something going on Arnold, and I won't stand for it. I didn't raise you like that."

"You didn't-" Arnold stopped himself before continuing what he was going to say. Arnold was many things recently, a liar, a cheater, but he could never be cruel. As much as he wanted to talk back, he didn't want to hurt his mom, not after everything she'd gone through. But he hated that she was right, he was being shady with everyone and people were catching on. "I'm sorry, I just don't appreciate the yelling. I'm going through a lot right now."

"Arnold, I love you son, but I will not tolerate this newfound attitude. Do you think I wanted you to get married at 22 years old when you have your entire life ahead of you? No, but you know what, I supported you no matter what. I might not have been there for you growing up, but I'm trying my best to support and love you enough to make up for it. However, this isn't the Arnold I know, and I don't think I can continue supporting you if this is who you're choosing to be."

What the hell was happening? Arnold didn't know if it was the alcohol still in his system but there was an overpowering panic coursing through him and the room was starting to spin. His mom was rarely ever mad at him, and now she didn't just sound furious but also disappointed. Was Arnold really turning into someone else? Would he be disowned if he didn't follow through with this wedding? It didn't seem fair, he felt like his own mom was attacking him. He didn't want to act this way, he was confused and didn't know what to do.

"Fine, then don't."

Helga expected Lila to bring Rhonda with her, they were attached at the hip these days, but tonight she came alone. They sat in a corner booth at Moretti's even though Helga didn't think she could stomach an appetite. Rita sent over her usual while Lila chose a Caesar salad, light dressing, since she was watching her figure for the wedding, Lila was making painful small talk about high school.

"I ended up getting my degree in nursing earlier this year," Lila was explaining what she had been up to. "I started the CNA program senior year and I loved it! I've been working at the Children's Hospital ever since. I love it. What about you?"

"I'm working on my masters," Helga began. "I don't really know what I want to do after."

"That makes sense, you were always so studious, Helga. Did you end up playing sports in college?"

Helga set her fork down in annoyance. "Lila, I don't want to sound rude, but what is going on? Did you really drag me out here to talk about school?"

She lied, Helga didn't care if she sounded rude. It was hard to believe that she and Lila were friends once upon a time, but now, she was just flat out annoying.

"Yes, apologies Helga, I did have a serious question for you."

It was coming, Lila knew. Helga had prepared her speech on the way there. Her strategy was to apologize and remove herself from the wedding party, then flee the city. Her reputation would be ruined, more so than it was already but would never return to Hillwood. If Olga was upset about that, well then that would be too bad for her, but sometimes Helga had to be selfish.
"Helga, will you bring me something borrowed?"

Helga blinked.

What?

"Huh?" Helga asked.

"Something borrowed for the wedding?" Lila clarified. "Rhonda is getting me something new, Stella is getting something old, and Phoebe is getting something blue. I just need something borrowed."

What?

"Borrowed?" Helga still couldn't get her brain to work.

"Yes, like the tradition. I would give it back, of course, but I do need something borrowed. If you don't feel comfortable, I could ask someone else to get 2 things."

Helga failed to remember that she actually had responsibilities as a bridesmaid. She almost forgot why she had done this in the first place. Her goal was to make Arnold uncomfortable and get one last laugh out of it, but in the end, she was the clown. She was tangled in her feelings once again.

"Helga, I also wanted to thank you, and confess to you that I'm so happy you agreed to be a part of this with us. You were honestly one of my best friends during a time when I felt like an outsider. I'll always thank you for that. I know you and Arnold have a weird history and there was some bitterness between us, however, I'm glad we were able to set that aside. The truth is, everyone was trying to convince me this was a bad idea, and that you would scheme against me, but I knew you were better than that. I knew our friendship could prove them wrong."