Disclaimer: Not gonna lie, I'm dry on puns right now. Therefore, this section is for my 'funny' status.

Also, I don't own the Hazbin Hotel.

"So, how did it happen?"

Nifty's wandering eye landed on the pair sitting opposite of her.

"How did what happen?"

"Niftyyy" Charlie whined, lowering the roster of questions she was holding. "I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye lately…"

The wording got the little girl to sharpen her gaze. Something that Charlie realized only too late.

"...but as an occupant of this Hotel, you need to answer these questions so we can better personalize your rehabilitation."

"Uuugh!" Was the response. Raising her arms into akimbo, Nifty had more emotions to share. "Can't we do this another time? I'm sure you got better things to do."

"I've been trying to get one of you guys to do this for days." Charlie replied, a little repressed. However, she was quick to ease up. "Besides, Vaggie's out advertising so no, I have no better things to do."

Nifty didn't seem to sway so Charlie tried switching to a more perky act, one that once matched Nifty's. "Sooo…" She spoke in an excited manner, bouncing the clipboard from side to side as if it was some kind of gift.

Nifty, while still nettlesome, softened her demeanor eventually. Watching the princess' antics, the little girl even showed a sliver of a smile. "Okey," She conceded with a wave of her arm. "Ask me."

"Thank you." Charlie said sincerely. She then started going over the questions, finding the next unanswered one.

"So, how did you die?"

The slowly amending relations between the two seemed to just melt away in the following silence. Before Charlie could cringe however, Nifty made a slight giggle. Her face breaking into a wide grin, the little maid pointed at the nonplussed princess.

"Made you uncomfortable!"

As Nifty continued giggling, Charlie managed a couple awkward 'oh's and 'heh's, not exactly seizing the moment. "Sooo…" she started again, trying to get back on track. "About the question…"

"Oh, I was shot by the police."

While surprised by the zippy tone, Charlie went along with it. "I see. And that was due to the stalking thing?"

"Aha." Nifty began to swing her legs.

"And you've continued your existence in the same manner after death?"

"You know it!"

The hostess flipped a page on the clipboard. "And how long after dying did you cross paths with Al?"

"I dunno." Nifty spoke joviantly, not batting an eye. "When I did though, I knew right away that he was a great guy."

Charlie raised her brows at the little girl's gushing. "What do you mean?"

The gushing took a break as Nifty stared at Charlie. "We're talking about our Radio Demon, right?" After getting a disconcerted 'eah' from the hostess, the cyclops went straight back to bubbly. Then, giving Charlie the eye, Nifty clarified her point.

"Then… you know."

Charlie blinked once. Then twice. After the third one, she thanked Nifty and made a swift exit downstairs.

The next day

A certain cat was lounging around the empty lobby. Sitting at the poker table, Husker had layed his entire upper body onto its surface, slowly dozing off. Since the sofa was just that far away.

Before reaching unconsciousness however, he heard the approaching threat.

"Husker!"

Eyes flashing open, the cat barely managed to curse his situation before scurrying behind the table. With a puffed tail, waiting and listening, he could hear a single pair of footsteps approaching. They came to a stop where he had just been.

"You know, you drooled on the table." The voice spoke sternly. "And I'm not going to check if it's warm so just come out."

"Shit"

And with that, the cat was out of the bag. His back cracking, Husker straightened himself back onto his feet and then into a slouching position. A pissed gaze met another one just like it.

"I'm not doing the interview."

With hardening eyes, Vaggie made a suggestion.

"You are doing the interview."

Husker began leaning towards the saloon. "No" He answered, taking a step to catch his fall, marking the start of his journey in that direction.

The Salvadoran glared at the cat. "You're just gonna walk off?"

"Eah."

Moving closer to the bar, Vaggie's commanding presence cast a shadow over it.

"Well, you're going to have to do it." She spoke in a tone of finality.

Husker, having reached his destination, was now cleaning some empty glasses with a cloth. "And what are you going to do about it?" He asked in his typical gruff nonchalance. "Besides throwing blades at me, which I've survived so far."

"I'll take away your booze."

"Ha!" The cat exclaimed, still swiping away on that glass. "Doubt you have the authority. The princess didn't feel opposed to the bottles, if you recall."

"Maybe." Vaggie admitted, with slightly more patience. "But you make us wait another day and I will break all of your long necked friends." The patience didn't last.

The cloth stopped its motion. A couple ear twitches later, as well as some tweaking whiskers, Vaggie had a very displeased feline sauntering back towards the poker table. Making a harsh landing on one of the seats, Husker's disdain was increasingly apparent by his crossed arms and wildly swishing tail.

Without saying a word, Vaggie joined Husker by taking a seat across from him. Viewing the clipboard, she was quick to get it over with.

"How would you describe your life before death?"

The cat held his stance while his face morphed into one of indignant skepticism. "Really? You're going with that?"

Vaggie clenched her teeth. "Yes, I'm going with that. These questions are a part of the program!"

As Husker replied with a prominently opposing 'hmmp', Vaggie encouraged him to- "Answer the damn question."

"Fine" He caved. "Life was… alright."

He stayed silent after that. Vaggie motioned for him to elaborate, which the cat answered with a shake of his head.

"Obviously if you're down here." The Salvadoran muttered under her breath, scribbling down the answer. If the cat heard, he didn't comment.

The next question was: "What would you say is your biggest vice?"

Hearing nothing, Vaggie lifted her gaze from her notes. Seeing the 'Fucking kidding me?' expression staring back, she went ahead and wrote the answer.

Not exactly joyful herself, Vaggie decided to skip ahead.

"How long after dying did you cross paths with Alastor?"

Husker's tail jerked faster at that. "What does that got to do with anything?"

"I asked, so it does." Vaggie snapped, pointing the pen at him for effect.

An intense staring contest passed between the two grumpy individuals. It ended with the cat pressing his paws onto the table. Forcefully.

"You know what," He said, standing up. "I'm done. And if you feel like being a bitch about it, go and break 'em." Pointing at the bottles, he began moving toward them, possibly for a last taste. "I'll just find another place to drink."

To say the least, Vaggie did not expect that. The shock didn't last for long though.

"What the Fuck did you say?"

Husker stopped in his tracks to turn and witness the fire he had just fed gasoline. He wasn't impressed.

"You heard me."

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Vaggie yelled wrathfully, tipping the chair as she stood up. "I'm trying to help you!"

"Right" Husker responded, his nonchalance morphing into provocation. "And when did I ask for that?"

She began stomping towards him.

"I've had it with your goddam whining. How can you flip from showing humane concern into your average everyday cunt?!"

Husker in turn took a more offensive stance, his tail moving record time. "I could say the same to you." The cat replied, his voice deep with ire.

Coming face to face, the tension only increased. The staring contest persisted with the hackles of both parties rising, seemingly coming closer and closer to blows. As the seconds went on, the tunnel vision they had gained prevented them from noticing the new approaching party.

"I mean, I knew cats and bitches don't really get along…" Angel spoke, the gibe evident in his voice. He had just entered the building. "But really boys?"

This got both of them to rear their head towards the spider. "Shut the fuck up!" Was said in unison before facing each other again.

Having halted his approach, Angel shrugged and turned around. As he reached the stairs, he cupped his hands to get a better vocal range. "Charlie! You might wanna check in on your taco girl!" The spider didn't wait for a response, just continued his way upstairs.

Moments later Charlie appeared. She descended the stairs in curiosity at the spanish insensitivities flowing from the lobby. Landing on the ground floor, she witnessed the bickering duo. Seeing their state, Charlie felt lucky nothing physical had occurred.

"You should be neutered!"

"Good thing you can't handle balls!"

And so much for nothing physical happening.

"Guys!" Charlie intervened, prying the pair from each other and making her best attempt at pacifying the situation. Eventually she got some space between them.

"Why do we bother with him?" Vaggie questioned out loud while taking a breather and turning away from Husker. After a couple steps she clearly addressed Charlie. "He doesn't even try!"

Husker stood still, his tail having slowed on the hostess' arrival but still making steady movements. His whiskers were a little crooked on the side Vaggie had hit. "Well how about you quit being so fucking intrusive with the asking."

"THEY'RE PART OF THE-"

"Alright, I get it, now calm down." Charlie spoke with authority, cutting off Vaggie. Waiting a moment to see if the message was received, the princess proceeded, addressing Husker. "We are not here to force you into anything. If you're absolutely against it, you don't have to answer."

Seeing the cat's eyes widen and his tail stopping, Charlie turned towards Vaggie with slight concern. "You did tell him that, right?"

Vaggie, while still seething, averted Charlie's gaze. "Well-"

"The hell you did!" Snapped Husker.

"Well you wouldn't answer otherw-"

"Okay, Everyone!" The princess newly called, raising her hands up as if to hold the two in place. "Let's just relax. Then we can continue from where you two left off." Switching between the two now equally confused gazes, Charlie specified: "With the survey."

"Right, okay." Husker huffed, not exactly yearning to start. "But I'm sure as hell not gonna answer questions about Al."

Charlie and Vaggie changed looks, the latter not expressing any surprise. Charlie set her sights back on Husker.

"Umm" The princess began while trying to stay neutral between the two. "Why… not? I mean you know he can't hurt you, right?"

"Can't kill me, you mean?" The cat corrected. "Eah, you've explained the deal. But that's not what this is about."

Charlie took a slow step closer to him. "Then… what is it?"

Husker raised a paw to point a finger at her. "I ain't your goddamn whistleblower." He stated, putting more emotion in that sentence than he would put in an usual day. He then turned around to find the nearest seat. "So, if there is nothing else…"

Charlie spoke softly, making another attempt to approach him.

"Husker…"

"You wanna know something about Al," The cat spoke, turning. "-you ask him yourself." He then continued his way, mastering a familiar chair at the poker table.

To Vaggie, the seated cat seemed to practically radiate ignorance. "Well we would," She started in higher than required volume. "-but unlike you, he is actually out and doing something for the Hotel."

"Doesn't make it my problem."

"Well it is your problem."

Switching between the reddening face of Vaggie and the soon-to-ask-something Charlie, Husker realized he'd be conversed with 'till death. To avoid that fate, he would have to be clever with his reply.

"Would you just please leave me alone?"

Hearing that sentence from the cat's usually rough mouth made the two women pause. The feline continued with a dignified request of letting someone else enjoy the interview. To that, Charlie responded with sympathy.

"Sorry to tell you but you're the last one to be interviewed. Besides Al but he's out right now.

"What about Angel?"

"He's been interviewed, a while ago actually."

"Well, you should do it again."

Charlie was a little lost as to where this was going. "Why?"

The cat took a moment to think before he answered. "Have you asked him about the bruises?"

"The… bruises?" Charlie felt that she was at an entire different wavelength. "The ones from the stairs?" She glanced at Vaggie but she seemed just as clueless.

Husker grumbled as he ran a paw down his face, messing up the hair he had there. Being exhausted and knowing why, he didn't care if the motion stung. "No, I mean the ones he's been coming here with for the last week."

The paw having left his visage, the cat opened his eyes to gaze at the two females. Both expressions were riddled with equal dismay. Putting one hand on the table for support, Husker took this as his que to leave.

"Maybe something to ask him. Or not, the hell do I care."

And with that, the cat was gone.

Charlie and Vaggie stood there in silence, both processing what they had just been told. That was, until the latter began muttering.

"Right, I flip between emotions"

Charlie's attention piqued. "What was that?"

"Nothing"

Raising an eyebrow at the quick response, the princess went back to thinking. Until she was brought back to reality once more by her stable girlfriend.

"So… we'll talk to Angel?"

Charlie took her time with her response. Vaggie let her. "I suppose." The princess eventually said, voicing her thoughts. "I mean, yes. I just doubt he'd be willing to do it again."

"We, umm… could just make him."

"No" Charlie responded with an exhale, looking Vaggie straight in the eyes. "We can't enforce it. Especially not with fists."

Vaggie lowered her gaze, her arms wrapping over her chest. However, despite the low-spirited setting, she didn't apologize.

Charlie looked her over before stepping up to put a hand on her girlfriend's arm.

"I know you're sorry but we've got to be better than that."

Vaggie had her words ready to go but didn't get to utter a single one. For it was the opening of the front door that gained the princess' attention. As the distinctive sound of hooves got closer, Charlie's face got brighter. She quickly turned back to Vaggie, scorching her with enthusiasm.

"I think I got an idea!"

Vaggie, a little caught off to react properly, just glanced in the direction of the entrance before switching back to Charlie.

"Or we could just-"

And the princess was gone, left to live out whatever plan she had just come up with. Now it was Vaggie's turn to exhale.

Many days and even more convincing later…

"...oral, anal, all kinds of explosions, drugs, guns, murder. And of course, men. LOTS of men."

The red demon's imposition was evident in his unusually tight-lipped smile. "The question was 'what would you say is your biggest vice'."

Angel readily raised one arm to put a finger on his round, full lips, creating the universal 'oooh' gesture. He had both of his elbows on the table, creating quite the forward angle while Alastor sat ramrod stiff on the opposite side.

"My bad." The spider phrased pleasantly. He then opened both of his palms to tick off fingers.

"Larry, Dave, Friedrick, Jonathan, Ron, Ivan, Kennett…

The Radio Demon looked on with round, ingenuous eyes as the spider brought out his extra limbs for further counting.

"You're just listing names now." Alastor stated after a moment, his voice muddled with static and puzzlement.

Angel stopped counting to look at him. "You're right!" He exclaimed in epiphany. "It should be about how they use it."

The horned demon tilted his head while his gaze turned suspicious on the spider. Said insect played oblivious to this as he was going through his mind for an answer. Until he gave up.

"Guess what?" Angel asked rhetorically "I can't decide. Besides, the answer would be sure to change in the near future." While speaking, he leaned even further up the slim table.

Alastor's suspicion had evolved into downright confusion. He made a quick glance at the notes. "Pardon, but you still haven't answered the question."

The spider smiled cunningly, now lowering himself onto the table surface while keeping eye contact with the Radio Demon. "You are right again." He said, practically rubbing himself against the wooden texture. His sultry voice heightened alongside the increasingly bothered motion. "How about a good time?"

Alastor kept their gazes locked, the gears turning in his mind. Angel smiled wider, preparing for the hook...

…Until the gears stopped moving and the Radio Demon shrugged, his closed eyes breaking the connection. Angel, now bothered in a different way, just looked on as Alastor raised his clipboard to doodle down 'a good time'.

The red demon continued before the spider could voice an argument.

"How did you die?"

Lowering the clipboard, Alastor caught the end of Angel's frown changing into a toothy smile. The spider lifted himself a little so he could lay his head in an open palm.

"Overdosing on my favorite treat, handsome. What about you?"

It was unclear which comment made Alastor's lip twitch. He was quick to hide it as he filled in the answer. "Oh, nothing as obscene as that, be assured." He replied in an absentminded manner, sounding convincingly calm.

Angel switched to support his head with two hands, conveying how focused he was on the strapping devil.

"Now…" The Radio Demon started, adjusting his monocle as he reviewed the clipboard. "I'm supposed to ask ab-"

"Ask me out?!"

Alastor slowly lifted his gaze to meet the most exuberant expression this side of the rainbow. The spider's vibrant smile didn't deter in slightest at the bland, unenthused reception.

"No."

And with that, Alastor focused back on the paper. Angel waited for him to open his mouth again before making another harsh interruption.

"You don't have to be shy." The spider said, using a tone that didn't leave a lot of doubt about the endgame. Ignoring the other's increasingly strained smile, Angel began playing with his own hair while keeping his head supported in one palm. "After all, I've already had your meat in my mouth."

With all the abnormal comments, this last sentence left Alastor's comprehension a tangled mess.

"What?" He asked, composed if not for the slight change in static. "The food I prepared?"

"That too…" Angel said with a passionate smile. He started reaching over the table to gently grasp Alastor's hand. "But I was referring about your co-"

"Tell me if you see him again, alright? I'll handle it personally from there."

Nifty managed an ebullient salute before both her and Charlie were jolted by a sudden clatter. The ear piercing sensation ended as quickly as it started, followed by a door opening a couple rows down the corridor.

Both females watched with wide eyes as Alastor, joyful as always, stepped out of the room while brushing his shoulders clean. Clouds of dust seethed out the room along with him. The tall demon glanced both ways of the hallway before focusing on the shaken duo.

"Ahoy, Charlie!" The Radio Demon called out avidly, his arms spreading in greeting as he approached the two. "So good of you to wait so near as to practically eavesdrop! I'm pleased to let you know that Angel's situation has been handled, just like you begged of me." Upon reaching them, Alastor offered Charlie the sheet of answered questions.

Gathering herself, Charlie accepted it. After skimming through the paper, the princess glanced behind the red demon in search of a certain white one.

"Where's Angel?"

"He will be out and about soon, dear. Now, I have som-"

"Hold on." Charlie cut off, turning to Alastor with skepticism. "What about the bruises? The last answer is blank."

"Well…"

The sentence was left unfinished as all three turned towards the sound of movement. Through the still open doorway, Angel stumbled into the hallway. Along with a few notable marks, the others saw a notable bump amidst his ruffled hair. Off balance, the spider took support from the wall. Recognizing the trio's silent attention, he gave them a half-hearted thumbs up.

"I'm alright evibady!" He said, even cracking a smile as he slumped towards them. "Just wasn't expecting the rough and tough handling from our strawberry pimp."

Destined to walk up to said person, Angel was mere inches from his red lover before he lost the ground below him. Literally.

Charlie looked on as Angel fell through a portal. Staggered, she then watched as Alastor turned back towards the ladies, his air slightly more pleased.

"As I was saying before the interruption, he has a greater number of bruises now." Alastor then focused specifically on Charlie. "So, I got something to run through yo-"

"Wait!" The princess exclaimed in disarray. "You can't just skirt past that."

"Why not? He's alive, the damage will heal, not to mention we've done this little spiel before." Pausing to conjure up his staff, Alastor continued. "You worry too much, Darling. You should leave that to your spouse."

The last comment made Charlie hesitate with her answer, her frustration making her overthink. During the silence, Nifty skipped to the still open portal to crouch down and point at something.

"Ha!" The little maid laughed. "Your head went 'BONK'."

The Something managed to utter half a cuss before the portal expired.

The taller pair had witnessed the event. Rotating back to face each other, the tallest one spoke up.

"So about my proposition…"

Alastor left it open to make room for Charlie's likely complaint. However, with a heavy sight, she knew it wouldn't get them anywhere.

"Fine then." The princess sanctioned, putting her hands on her hips. "Before you do though, we need to discuss your interview."

"No need."

With a snap of fingers, a new paper appeared in front of Charlie. As she grasped it, Alastor made himself comfortable by leaning on his now levitating staff. "Do take your time."

Charlie wasn't sure if she detected sarcasm. A quick glance at the widening set of teeth didn't help either. Nonetheless, she began reading.

This was when Nifty chose to take her leave.

"Bye guys!" She yelled. She was already hopping down the corridor. "Let you know of any lizard sightings!"

The Radio Demon was quick to catch on. "You should dispose of him. It's in no one's favor to let that stranger lurk about."

Charlie raised her nose from the sheet, dissatisfied. "We already talked about this. Or, 'done this spiel', so to say." After a moment of nonreacting eye contact, the hostess finished with: "So no." And lowered her nose back down.

Alastor soon piped up anyway. "Then, if you're satisfied with my answers, I have another matter to-."

"Wait, what is a 'amateurish hunting incident'?"

"Exactly that. No fault of mine though, be assured."

Charlie gazed upon the Radio Demon in search of answers but came up with nothing. Folding the paper in her pocket, she saw Alastor also reinstating his regular posture, holding the staff behind his back.

"So, the proposition?" Charlie started dryly.

"Ah yes, so good of you to remember!" And with that, Alastor began walking down the hallway, Charlie in tow. "In the near future there will be a moment when the picture show will lose its audience. It would be a perfect time to do a little broadcast of our own, to spread the word when there are no distractions!"

Charlie watched Alastor's thrilled gesticulation. When he was done, she gazed at him with a questioning brow. "Does this have something to do with our missing TVs?"

"Of course not. Those simply had to go."

Charlie's face fell blank as she knew she should have seen that coming. Nonetheless, she recovered.

"Okay… it sounds like a good idea." The princess admitted gingerly. "Though, how would said event come to pass?"

"Well by me of course." Knowing that it wasn't the answer the hostess was looking for, Alastor happily elaborated. "It's casualty free. Not that it's any of your concern."

"Alright… then, I guess-"

"Excellent! I'll let you know the time and date once I have them. We'll travel to my station and put on a show!" The Radio Demon began strutting in the midst of his speech, preventing Charlie from verbally interfering as she was left behind.

Eventually Alastor left the corridor entirely. Not certain on what to do now, Charlie opted on heading for the lobby.

That night…

Husker was slowly making his way through the Hotel's halls. He was more tired than drunk, which didn't help him in the search of his room. Nor with his recently audible frustration with everyone.

"Fucking… literally the only one with eyes…" He mumbled.

Passing many open spaces, he often winded up in the canals of closed doors. It was dark in the upper floors, the lights killed off, most likely by a switch. This didn't hinder the cat's sight so he ignored it.

Passing another corner, Husker recognized a familiar starway at the end of the narrow hall.

"Fuuughck"

With that, the cat turned back around, determined to find his hidden door. The thrill of adventure didn't do much good for his mood.

About halfway back the already covered voyage, Husker was about to give up and sleep on the floor. That was, until he heard an unfamiliar noise. Ear flicking in the direction of the sound, the cat focused on the door it emanated from. As quietly as possible on two paws, he made his way over to what seemed to be an ajar entry. Somewhat expanding the opening, the once faint sound transformed into an easily recognisable one.

There, in the darkness, someone sobbed. While Husker couldn't spot the person through the gab, he did notice a small, stubby figure further down the room. It was sitting down, enthralled by something off view. Before Husker could make any guesses, the small figure turned its head to lock eyes with him.

And there they stayed for a good couple of seconds, the cat drawing blank as to what to do. It ended when the little creature was picked up by a manifesting pair of white limbs.

As the sobs got more smothered, the cat backed away. Taking a moment, Husker eventually proceeded his search, his wings nearly touching the floor as he walked off.

A/N: Not gonna lie, this chapter was fun to write :D

You might have noticed that many of the character's backgrounds I based on stuff fans have theorized about. Some of it has been confirmed, some not, but I'm not picky ;) By liberty of this fanfiction I chose thee!

Btw, I had a ton of extra text made for this. You see, I especially had a little bit of a hard time (english good) transitioning from one scene to another. Therefore, there were alot of different routes taken to see what would fit best. Hope it came out good. Or you know… smooth? You know what I mean.

Anyway, hope you guys like it so far. Feel free to comment 'yes' or 'yesn't' ;)