Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers or Black Mirror. All rights go to their creators.

To the Guest reviewer: You're welcome and thank you for the comment! I'm glad you enjoy the story so far!

Chapter 4: Audiobook

It had been a few weeks since the New Year's Eve party and next week Feliciano would be going to paint that portrait.

It was easier to tell how Arthur was feeling through listening to him, compared to just reading words on his phone. Lovino found that he actually liked Arthur's voice, it wasn't high pitched and shrill like he thought it was going to be.

He'd asked Alfred what his Iggy sounded like. The man was prone to using the call feature just to blow raspberries and make fart sounds. Although he said it was fun to do, Iggy sounded like a "British" robot, something that broke the immersion of talking to a real person that the app was trying to build.

When Alfred asked what his Iggy sounded like, Lovino lied and said the same as his. He even said that he got his Iggy to be nice for once, although technically that wasn't a lie.

"Hey bastard."

"So is that better than 'arsehole?"

"I think so." Lovino never really thought about it before. Calling him a bastard just felt easier, calling him by his name felt personal, and Lovino would rather they not get too familiar.

"Well what do you want?"

"The other Iggies sound like robots, why would your voice be any different?"

"Who do I look like, your fucking personal assistant? I don't have all the answers!"

"Don't get all pissy with me, bastard! It's not as though I can look this stuff up, and you seem to know about the other weird shit going on with the app."

Arthur let out a disgruntled breath, he could hear how fed up he was through that sigh.

"Maybe judging by how you freaked out they felt others would do the same and decided not to use my voice for that part. Coding isn't my area of expertise, remember?"

Loving clicked his teeth together, "Hmm that's true. But was it fucking hard for you to say that, bastard? What's got you in such a bitchy mood?"

There was a long stretch of silence.

"Nothing, that's all you needed right?"

Lovino could hear Arthur sigh over the phone.

"I guess it was!" Lovino then hung up.

Lovino was taken aback. He'd thought they'd reached a mutual understanding or some shit, not friends, but tolerance.

The next day Lovino used the phone feature again, only to have it ring for an abnormally long time before he ended the call.

Loving tried messaging Arthur too.

L: Hey bastard? What's with you ignoring me all of a sudden?

Only to get no reply in return.

Lovino knew he couldn't be gone, where could he even go? But if the bastard wanted some space, Lovino was going to give it to him. He wasn't going to be pathetic and beg him.

Lovino decided not to talk to Arthur at all durring the next week. He wanted to give him some space for whatever it was he was going through. He hoped he'd snap out of it or whatever because he was supposed to be his fucking chat bot.

Was Lovino not enough for him…for now until he ultimately deleted him, and he forgot he was a person or whatever and continued being blissfully ignorant as Iggy on someone else's app?

Lovino decided to go on HetaTube to look Real Arthur up and see if anyone published him singing. He had nothing else better to do, and he said he'd do it. But no results came up. Lovino took up a general web search and the results were next to nothing, except someone who was in jail, but that was normal when looking up names.

Lovino looked him up on his Hetagram, Hetabook, and his HetaTweet accounts but none of them seemed to be connected to the Brit, except for the official Iggy Two HetaTweet handle.

Lovino was going to have to ask Eduard for help if he wanted to find some information on the Real Arthur. But first he had to think of a good lie…

"Internet friends" was good enough.

He messed up the order for "Daniel" and "Danielle," fucking twins. Vanilla iced latte, vanilla decaf hot latte, they're all about the same.

"Sorry about that," he said, voice taunt as he remade the orders.

Danielle made a face at him as she accepted the two freshly made drinks.

It was the end of the night on his shift and he stopped Eduard as he was on his way out the door to go home. Alfred, Vlad and himself had an hour or so before they locked up and went home.

"Hey kid, I want to ask you for a favor."

Eduard stopped in between the doors of the cafe and turned to meet Lovino's gaze.

He pushed up his glasses, blue eyes focused on him, "Yes Lovino?"

"I want to look up somebody on the internet but they won't come up in the search." Lovino held out his hand and wiggled his fingers as he asked, "You can do some kind of tech stuff right?"

"Hmm I could try the WayFarBack Machine first to see if there are some old articles of that person, but if something was deleted it's hard to get it back. Who are we looking up, a famous celebrity?"

"No, nothing like that. Just an internet friend of mine who I wanted to know more about. You know, to make sure he's not some kind of serial killer or some shit. Uh… Arthur Kirkland is his name."

"Alright, if I have some free time I'll look him up tonight on the WayFarBack machine and report back to you."

Lovino nodded, "Thanks."

"Oooh you met someone on the internet. Which app? You met up to–" Alfred made a hole with his thumb and pointer finger before sticking another finger into the hole–"yet?" A grin on his lips.

Lovino frowned, "It's not like that! We just talk sometimes!" Alfred's grin got even wider. "It's none of your damn business anyway!" Lovino turned away from him.

"Sounds like you've got a little crush on your internet friend!" Alfred walks around the counter and over towards the door where he is standing.

"What the hell are you talking about? I do not have a crush on that bastard! He's an asshole!"

"If he's an asshole why do you talk to him…sometimes?"

Lovino pursed his lips and puffed out his cheeks feeling warmth on his ears. "He's not an asshole all the time, and I'm the only friend he has."

"That's a bit of a red flag Lovino. Being someone's only friend puts a lot of pressure on you, you know." Alfred crossed his arms.

"What, you suddenly give a shit about my personal life?"

"Dude, we're a family. I always gave a shit, you just don't like to open up." Alfred sighed and shook his head.

Lovino shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Stay out of this, ok Jones? We're not friends."

"It's cool, it's cool dude. No need to get upset." Alfred raised his hands in surrender.

Lovino didn't have a crush on Arthur, crushes were a waste of time. He'd just stopped crushing on Antonio. He was crush free, no room for anyone else.

Plus, Arthur wasn't even a real person. He was his fucking chat bot, Lovino wasn't one of those antisocial losers who sought comfort in robots over people.

But Real Arthur was a person somewhere out there…Lovino's face was warmer now and he rapped his knuckles against his head to stop his stupid thoughts…it's not like I'll ever meet that bastard!

0000000

Lovino was walking down the street when he bumped into someone. "Hey you fucking bastard! Watch where you're going!" Lovino felt something loose in his mouth.

He turned to meet Arthur's green eyes. Lovino spit into his hand and saw a couple of teeth.

Your teeth are falling out!" Arthur gasped.

Then a crowd started to form, filled with familiar faces: Feliciano, Ludwig, Francis, and Alfred. Random strangers made up the mass of people howling with laughter at him.

"Shut up! Stop laughing, you bastards!" More teeth fell out and clinked as they hit the ground. Lovino covered his ears to drown out the laughter, Arthur's eyes were still on him, seemingly almost sympathetic.

….

Lovino woke up with a start. He could feel his ears burning. He pulled off the covers, jumped out of bed; his bare feet hit the cold wooden floors, and he ran into the bathroom. He flicked on the light and pulled his lips back to gaze at his teeth.

His mouth and teeth were normal.

Stupid fucking nightmare. My teeth are perfect.

It was too early to get up, 4 in the morning actually, and went back to his room.

He climbed back under the covers but took his phone from off of the night stand.

He opened the Iggy Two app, 'Hey bastard, are you ok?' He typed.

He watched as the dots danced in the corner before, 'Shouldn't you be sleeping?' came up. He pursed his lips. So he can fucking respond to me.

L: Answer the question. Are you ok or not?

A: Are you actually worried about me or is it because I'm technically not doing my job?

It was a bit of both but Lovino didn't want to tell him that.

L: You're not doing your damn job! That's the only reason I'd contact you! What else for, huh?

A: I find that a bit hard to believe, it's the middle of the night, apparently you're losing sleep over this.

Lovino pursed his lips.

L: You want more space? We're going to have to talk again eventually.

A: Considering the circumstances, you are right. But yes, I had a cup of tea, reevaluated the situation and calmed down. I'm not upset anymore.

L: Good. I have some news. I wasn't subjected to the screeching you call singing because I couldn't find any videos.

A: That's too bad. I'm surprised you actually went through the trouble to look me up. And that you thought it was so important to tell me now at 4am.

L: I could have not told you at all, bastard.

A: True. But who else were you going to tell it to?

L: I'm going to bed.

Lovino closed the app feeling a bit more relieved and went back to sleep.

00000000

Feliciano, last minute, told him that he needed him to carry his art supplies for when he goes over to that Braginsky guy's expensive house to paint him. Ludwig was apparently busy so Lovino was stuck being Feliciano's mule.

Lovino was going to wait to tell Alfred he was "sick" so he could get out of work.

"Hey Bastard, my brother's going to paint this guy Ivan Braginsky at his house later this afternoon. Anything you want to warn me about before I drop him off?" Lovino decided to talk to Arthur before they went over.

"Just that Ivan is a little odd, and sociopathic. I didn't see much of him, apparently he did coding for the company, but he was always smiling in a creepy sort of way."

"How do you know he's a psycho?"

"As far as I know, he hasn't killed anyone, yet."

"Yet?!" Lovino blinked, raising his eyebrows.

"I've never been to the man's house, who knows what he gets up to in there. Maybe he's waiting for the right person to fully commit to psychopathy." Lovino chewed on a hangnail as he listened. "…Someone with seemingly no outside connections, naïve, and moderately attractive, so it would be some time before they trace it back to him."

Lovino felt his throat close up. Feliciano was just the right amount of idiot to be lured in by a serial killer, and he was going to be leaving that dumb bastard alone with Ivan for a whole afternoon.

Lovino dropped his phone and ran into Feliciano's room. Said man looked up from his position upside down on his bed, phone in his hand.

"Idiota I'm not leaving you alone ok? I'm staying until the painting is finished, and I'm not taking no arguments."

"Really? I was going to ask you because I've never done an in person commission before, but I assumed you were busy. Being alone at a stranger's house makes me nervous, so thanks Lovi." Feliciano smiled at him.

"I just don't want to have to call the police cause I haven't seen you in 24 hours or some shit."

"Oh Lovi, I wasn't thinking anything like that would happen. He works with Luddy, he can't be a murderer silly."

"That doesn't mean anything, idiota!" Lovino closed Feliciano's door shut.

Lovino picked up his phone. "You happy now bastard? I took the necessary precautions so that we're both there."

And then Lovino heard light snickering on the other side of the phone, "I was just fucking with you." His chuckles sounded muffled, "I mean I really don't know if he's killed someone or not but I'm sure your brother will be fine."

Lovino felt his ears burn, "You're such an asshole!" Although, it was nice to hear he was laughing, something he'd never heard from Arthur before.

"So now you're planning to stay until he finishes? I mean it's not as though you had any plans anyway."

"What do you know, huh? I had plenty of plans, I'm sacrificing a lot."

"Darling, I didn't know that talking to me meant that much to you." He purred.

Lovino frowned, "Fuck you, I had actual plans; my soaps were on!"

"Oh please, you really are pathetic. But this might be good for you, maybe you and Ivan will hit it off…if he's not a psychopath that is."

"Maybe…" Lovino muttered.

"Well good luck." Lovino rolled his eyes at how smug he sounded.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't miss me too much."

"If anything I'm grateful for a break. You think I count the moments until you get off of work, as if!"

"Ok, bye." Lovino said before hanging up.

Feliciano called a taxi to take them to the man's home. Lovino did the bare minimum of trying to get the canvas and easel into the trunk. Feliciano had his art bags filled with various brushes, paints, and pencils to sketch. He had water and paint pallets in another bag that he went back into the apartment to get. It was convenient that they lived on the second floor.

"You have to break the easel down, Lovi." Feli said when he returned. He placed his hands delicately over Lovino's before guiding the wooden piece together to be laid into the trunk, it was now one thin, long piece of wood.

"I knew that." Lovino said, grabbing his bag from him and tossing it into the trunk before reaching up to slam it shut.

They both slid into the back seat, Feliciano bouncing against the worn leather, before fastening their seat belts. The driver looked just about as happy to be driving them as Lovino felt about going on this stupid trip. He'd only stay because as much as Felciano annoyed him, he didn't want him to get hurt, but that didn't mean he was going to like it.

The man lived just outside of the city in Middletown.

"Say cheese Lovi!" Feliciano snapped a picture of him just as he covered his face with his hand.

"I called in sick idiota. Alfred checks your Hetagram. Don't put me in your stupid posts."

Feliciano frowned, "Ok, but I still want to take a picture of us together. It's my first in person commission!"

Lovino rolled his eyes, "Do whatever, just don't post them."

Feliciano snapped a picture of him and Lovino stared listlessly out of the window as the scenery of squished buildings, a few trees, and tall skyscrapers went by amongst the other cars too.

000000

Lovino grabbed the easel and canvas again as they stopped at the modest size home of Ivan Braginsky. Feliciano struggled with his bags of art supplies as the taxi drove off.

"Lovi these are heavy, can you grab one?"

"I've got this thing. No can do." He walked past his struggling brother and towards the ordinary looking home.

He heard a thud and turned to see Feliciano on the ground with the bags. The man pouted at him and Lovino turned back around.

He heard a bit of groaning as he walked up the walkway.

The door creaked open and he saw the eye of a man before the door opened completely. Unease washed over him like a sheet under the man's pointed gaze, his smile somehow making him even more creepy. He was such a tall, barrel chested, and strongly built man, Lovino knew he and Feli wouldn't be able to fight him if he tried to kill them. That asshole didn't tell him about the man's size, fucking bastard. The man's gaze wavered from him briefly as Feliciano's sounds of distress became louder. His grunts and groans were heard even though Lovino was further from him.

"Does he need some help?" The man who he assumed was Ivan asked in what he could assume was a Russian accent. His voice was higher pitched than he assumed a man of his size would be.

"K-knock yourself out."

Ivan gave him a nod, eyes closed briefly before Lovino scrambled to get out of the way. Ivan walked past him towards the crumbled form that was his brother. Feliciano was startled at first but smiled upon seeing Ivan grab a few of his bags from him.

"Come in. I made a few baked goods for us and some tea," Ivan said as he walked back towards his home to go inside.

"Oh goodie!" Feliciano clapped his hands before following the man inside.

Lovino hesitantly followed after them, checking back to see that the taxi had indeed left them, and it was too late to change his mind if he wanted to leave.

They sat at a long wooden table, Ivan's smile still present at the head of the table. Lovino's plate remained untouched, his drink as well. Feliciano sipped his tea happily, his zefir half eaten.

"How long do you think it will take?" Ivan asked.

"Hmm. Depends. I would say about 6 hours."

"I've never had myself painted before. I hope you are as good as Kiku says you are."

"I won't let you down!" Feliciano gave him a salute with his left hand.

"So you do coding for the Iggy Two App?" Lovino spoke up.

Ivan sighed, "I can't make the girl one send you pictures of bare breasts or the man–."

"I wasn't going to ask you that! Why would you think that?" Lovino felt heat tinge his ears.

"It's one of the most requested things. I have to keep checking the code to make sure these messages are deleted and that there isn't a bug. It'll be my ass if somehow something like that gets through." Ivan's mouth twitched, "I dread the day when they make sexting a feature."

Feliciano took a final loud gulp of his tea before making eye contact with him. Lovino rolled his eyes.

"I wanted to know about the phone call feature."

"It is still something I'm working on. It sounds too robotic, they won't even let me start with an actual human voice. I have to work around it, but it is very complex."

Lovino noticed the dark circles under the man's eyes; he looked tired.

"Could there ever be some kind of bug that allows a real voice to come through?"

Ivan blinked before he furrowed his eyebrows, "I think you might be getting an actual call from another user. I suggest deleting the app and downloading it again."

Lovino pursed his lips, "Alright I'm not that far into it so, I'll just restart my progress."

"Did you not want any tea, or some zefir?"

Lovino shook his head, "I already ate." Lovino's stomach was starting to hurt but he wasn't going to risk being drugged. Someone had to be the responsible one in this scenario.

Ivan took them to another room that had doors that opened to a balcony. The room had carpeted floors and green velvet couches.

"This room has the most sunlight." Ivan walked over to the doors, gripped the knobs and thrust the window open.

"I like it! I could draw the sunlight against your face." Feliciano grinned, putting his thumbs together to form a frame around Ivan's face. Ivan let out a soft giggle as his eyes met Feliciano's.

Feliciano left the room to get his canvas and supplies.

Ivan took a seat on the couch that was adjacent to the window. Lovino stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Lovino is your name, da?" Ivan said and Lovino crossed his arms.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Just asking. I do not want you to be uncomfortable." Ivan smiled.

"I'm already uncomfortable. I want this to go by quickly, Feli will do his job and you won't have to talk to me again." Lovino glanced at the doorway.

Ivan shrugged, "Why did you come if you didn't want to be here?"

"I want to make sure Feli comes back in one piece, alright."

And then Ivan started laughing.

Lovino's cheeks were warm and he suddenly felt ridiculous, but he wasn't going to back down.

"I'm going to chop him up into little bitty pieces and cook his bones in soup." Ivan wiggled his fingers. "Those rumors are still going around? Gilbert no doubt." Ivan grinned.

Feli returned with his canvas and easel.

"Did Lovi say something funny?"

Ivan turned to the other man, expression serious, "He discovered my plot to murder you."

Feliciano jolted, as he stopped in his tracks. "O-oh really?"

Ivan furrowed his eyebrows, "You too, da?" He muttered, "Maybe I will start keeping people in my basement."

Feliciano did that nervous laughter thing he did when he was scared as he went back out to get the other supplies.

Ivan looked a bit downtrodden, as he sat waiting for Feli to return. The aura in the room had shifted, not creepy and playful but now tired and sad. He fiddled with a loose fabric on the faded pink scarf he was wearing.

Lovino did not it like this at all, the man was fucking terrifying no doubt, but he seemed to care about destroying this past image Arthur brought up again.

Maybe it was why people were hesitant to paint him.

"So, that scarf an old gift or something?"

Ivan nodded, "My older sister. She lives out in the Midwest now, Iowa I think? I've been meaning to visit her, but I'm busy working all the time."

"I get that. Haven't seen my parents in like almost ten years. I keep saying I'll visit them, but I end up not doing it."

"They live close?"

"Yeah, still in New York City."

"Life just gets in the way." He gives him a lopsided grin.

Feliciano returned and then started asking Ivan about what kind of pose he wanted to sit in, what kind of background he wanted, artsy shit like that.

After an hour of playing this game where you slice fruit, and another where you run through ancient ruins, Lovino was bored, but luckily Feliciano was done with Ivan's face.

"I'm bored, can I watch your TV?"

Ivan gave him a nod. "It's in the next room down the hall."

Lovino nodded and walked down the wooden hallway to the next room. It surprised him that the man still had an old television in what was his bedroom, or guest bedroom.

Lovino found the remote, turned on the television, and scrolled to the local channels until he found his soaps. He grinned, the trip wasn't a total waste of time.

0000000

Arthur sent him a selfie of himself crouching next to a dirt plot that looked to be dug up in some kind of back yard.

A: A place to put you when they find your body.

Lovino sent him the emoji to flip him off.

A: How'd it go? Were you completely on edge the entire time?

L: Yeah mostly, thanks to you. It was boring as hell, but I still got to watch my soaps. As a present, have this deeply unsettling painted portrait of Ivan.

Lovino sent the picture.

A:Your brother is actually really good, it looks just like him. It almost looks like he can see right into my soul.

L: Che. The bastard has always been like this. Painting like he's some modern day da Vinci or some shit.

A: Is someone a little jealous?

L: I've been hearing how fucking great he is my whole life! God, and everyone fucking coddles him when he gets upset. It's like he's a fucking baby, and they instantly lose all of their brain cells to coo at him.

A: Well I'm sure there's something you're good at.

L: When you find out what it is let me know.

A: I will. It'll be a surprise to me too! Until then you'll just have to accept that he's better than you.

Lovino rolled his eyes.

A: Also I did a bit of gardening. Planted a few Tudor roses that I remember my mother having at home. Always wanted to have a garden but can't really in a shite hole apartment in NYC.

Then he sent a few pictures of the roses he'd planted.

A: I decided for once to wear shorts while gardening, although not practical, because it doesn't really matter.

He was wearing green knee high rain boots, a straw hat, a white polo shirt and tan shorts that stopped mid thigh. He was also wearing eyeliner in this selfie he sent.

Lovino thought he looked cute, but he wasn't going to say that.

L: Did you need eyeliner?

A: Fuck off.

L: Wait, you live in NYC?

A: I used to be in this shit hole apartment, the only view was another abandoned apartment on Sponge street and Green street before I got stuck in a freezer.

L: You are not stuck in a freezer. You probably still live there.

A: Well it doesn't really matter anyway because I won't see it again…unless… someone presumably little, angry, and Italian goes to scout it out.

L: I don't know anyone like that.

A: Oh don't play coy.

Chigi! That's not too far from the café.

L: Don't get your hopes up, ok? Another version of you is still you, and I personally would like to stay as far away from you as possible.

A: Well if you do swing by, let me know how it goes. Take some pictures.

Lovino was not going to go to the apartment of some random stranger on the off chance that he might be the base for a chatbot, to get said chatbot to shut up.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Criticism welcome.