Chapter 4 - Reflection

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

Author's Note: In which people reflect and Vader and Anakin talk. :')

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~ Amina Gila

In the Republic Star Destroyer, Obi-Wan doesn't move until he feels the jolt, indicating that Anakin is gone. He lets out a quiet breath, grief silently washing over him. He had hoped – foolishly – that Anakin would see the mistake he's making and turn back before going too far. It seems so surreal to think of him as an enemy, a traitor, but he is. He joined the Sith. He joined Darth Vader. Obi-Wan has never heard of a Sith by that name before, and now, he has to report to the Council that he failed, that Anakin may have just turned against them and the Republic.

For now, he'll hold onto the tentative hope that Anakin won't actually act against the Republic and Jedi, but if he does, he'll become an enemy, someone they have to deal with accordingly. Obi-Wan knows how powerful Anakin is; he's not even begun to grow into his full potential. If that power turns against them, the Republic will be lost and the Jedi Order with it. He doesn't understand what could have caused this, what could have led Anakin so far – without him even knowing – so that he feels the Jedi are the ones causing the problem.

How could Anakin have so readily forgotten that the Sith are behind the war? How could he possibly think that a Sith will actually work for the betterment of the galaxy? Why would he trust a Sith over his own master, over the Jedi? None of it makes any sense, and the more Obi-Wan thinks about it, the more confused and hurt he is. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the most important person in his life would betray him – and their cause – in such a manner.

But he knows that he's missing something, something huge. Despite whatever Anakin said about Vader, there's a lot more which he isn't saying. Obi-Wan isn't a Jedi Master on the Council for nothing, and he could sense that Anakin and Vader have a much deeper bond, one through which he suspects they've been communicating privately. They act in sync to the point of it being unsettling. How can a Sith be so close to the child he raised? That's what doesn't make sense.

It takes years for a bond to form to the point where the parties can share thoughts and emotions with ease; it would be faster for Anakin, true, because of his strength in the Force, but Vader and Anakin haven't known one another for years. They couldn't have known each other for more than an hour at most.

"I need to update the Council," Obi-Wan declares finally, forcing his feet to move as he heads towards the communications room where he'll be able to establish a connection with Coruscant. The situation is extremely complex, and he's... confused. Even meditating won't bring him any answers. He needs to accept what Anakin did and adjust his priorities accordingly, but it's really not that easy. They shared – share, he refuses to believe that it's been completely destroyed– a special bond, one far closer than that between most masters and Padawans. It's a bond which remained strong even after Anakin was Knighted. Of everyone, Obi-Wan would unhesitatingly choose Anakin every time to be at his side, and the knowledge that he will probably never again have that privilege brings him a sense of profound loss.

"I don't understand any of this," Ahsoka confesses as they walk.

He pauses, looking down at the young teenage Togruta at his side. Her confusion is even greater than his own, and it's mingled with hurt and betrayal. She never knew Anakin the way Obi-Wan did, and if Obi-Wan can't even understand what came over Anakin, then there's no way Ahsoka could be able to rationalize it. A part of him can't believe that Anakin was willing to abandon her in such a way, especially given how close they've become in the months since they came together. But then again, nothing in this situation makes sense.

"Nor do I, young one," Obi-Wan tells her with a sigh. "Nor do I." He stops outside the communications room. "Wait here while I speak with the Council about what happened. We will get to the bottom of it."

He barely hears Ahsoka's response as he disappears through the doorway. "I hope so."

**w**

Ahsoka stands in a numb silence as the door closes behind Obi-Wan. None of this makes sense. None of this. Why would Anakin want to run off with a Sith like that? Why would he want to leave Obi-Wan, leave his men, leave her? Is Vader controlling him somehow? She doesn't have the answer to that, much as she wishes she did. Anakin is... he's the best Jedi she's ever known. She's always looked up to him, and now, he betrayed her, betrayed all of them.

It hurts, because she doesn't understand why and how he could do something like that. He turned his back on everything they've believed in and fought for, and for what? For a Sith who he doesn't even know? For the Dark Side? For...? She doesn't know. She doesn't know why he left like that. Maybe she could have, should have done something to change his mind, but it all happened too fast. Ahsoka didn't know how to handle the situation, because normally, if something confuses her, she goes to Anakin for help.

And Obi-Wan seems as confused and clueless as she is, so what happened? What changed? Anakin was fine before they went to Mortis. Sure, he was stressed from the war, but then again, they all have been.

So, what now? What is she supposed to do? What will happen to her? Since Anakin abandoned her like this, does that mean that she'll have to find a new master? Or will she not even get one? Most of all, she wonders if she'll ever see him again, if the next time she sees him, he'll be trying to kill her or someone else.

Once someone goes down a dark path, they can never come back. It's what she's always been taught, and what happened to her doesn't even count, because she was possessed. Anakin wasn't, at least she doesn't think so. He seemed to be acting of his own free-will. That means – that means that he is lost, that he's forever gone, because now that he's embraced the Dark Side like that, joined a Sith Lord, he'll never be able to undo it, to come back.

Why? Ahsoka thinks desperately, wishing for a moment that Anakin can still hear her thoughts, confusion, and betrayal. Why did you do this Master? Why did you leave me?

**w**

The Force is... unrested, tumultuous. Dooku has never delved as deeply into the Dark Side as his master has, but he knows when something is wrong, and something is definitely wrong right now. There's an anomaly in the Force on the edges of his senses, but he's incapable of pinpointing what it is or what's causing it. All he knows for certain is that whatever paths the future once held have been changed. Something, someone, has caused a ripple, the effects of which will be long-lasting and far-reaching.

Somehow, Dooku doubts that meditating will allow him to see anything clearly, because the disturbance has unbalanced the Force itself. It's a definite indication that whoever was responsible is extremely powerful with the Force. Skywalker, perhaps? He feels a tendril of unease snake through him, because he knows that Sidious has an interest in the boy. While his master might claim that they have to break and train the boy together, he suspects that Skywalker is meant to be his eventual replacement.

He's not terribly fond of the thought of dying for obvious reasons, the main one being that he has yet to accomplish his life's goal. He needs to find a way to restore peace and justice to the galaxy, something which he could only do through the Clone Wars. From the ashes of the destroyed systems, something new and better will rise. That is his dream, his goal. If he's careful enough, he'll be able to overthrow Sidious and guide the galaxy to rebuilding itself.

But now he has a more immediate concern. He has to discover the person behind the sudden shift in the Force and eliminate the problem before it becomes an unstoppable force which upsets all of his carefully laid plans for the future.

**w**

Sidious frowns out at the skyline of Coruscant as the Dark Side is thrown into chaos. Something has changed, and all of his plans for the future are now at risk. He can feel darkness staining the shielded bond he has with his future apprentice. Normally, it would please him, but now, given how unbalanced the Force has become, it only troubles him. Has someone else gotten their hands on the boy? Taken him as their apprentice? That will not be good. Dooku would never be able to succeed, but something has undeniably changed.

Skywalker has Fallen.

Why? What could have triggered such a sudden change of heart and loyalties? No, there is a bigger problem, and through the turmoil of the Dark Side, Sidious can make out another Force user, another Sith who he did not sense only hours earlier. Did Plagueis betray him? Is there, in fact, a second Sith Lord out there who calls himself a Master? He narrows his eyes, mind running through the possibilities.

It doesn't matter who this new Sith might be; he will not be allowed to threaten Sidious' plans for the galaxy. Therefore, he will die. If he has taken Skywalker, turned him into his apprentice... well, he'll deal with that when and if the time comes. For now, he'll have to gather whatever information is available to him as he calculates his next moves. Perhaps he should make a call to his current apprentice. While Dooku probably doesn't have anything of use to share, at least Sidious will know if he's betrayed him.

**w**

Yoda had felt it when it happened, the darkness echoing suddenly throughout the galaxy. He'd felt it once before, too, but this time, it was worse. And he knew that young Skywalker had Fallen to the Dark Side. This was why he warned the Council so adamantly about training him. Being so powerful, Skywalker would be immensely dangerous as Sith, and a Sith he now is. Obi-Wan gave the Council a full report about the incident on Mortis, and as strange as it was, it only further cemented the proof that Skywalker is, in fact, the Chosen One.

But now, he's a Sith. None of the Council members have ever heard of a Sith by the name of Darth Vader, and nothing is known about him, except that he has an unusual amount of sway over Skywalker. The reasons for that are unknown; perhaps they will never learn the truth, but Yoda knows that they cannot give up now. While Vader will likely prove to be their enemy, it remains to be seen if Skywalker will willingly go against his fellow Jedi like that.

Even though he has been the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order for many centuries, Yoda still has retained the ability to care about his fellow Jedi, albeit in a detached way. Skywalker was different. He has always been different for some reason. He pulls people to him; he makes them want to be around him, even if he doesn't realize it. The Jedi have been able to ignore the lure, since it goes against everything they have been taught, but Yoda finds that he'll still mourn Skywalker should he choose to become their enemy.

In the end, all will be as the Force wills it.

**w**

Anakin remains silent as the shuttle travels through hyperspace, trying to bring his thoughts and emotions back under control. He's unsure which emotions are his own and which belong to Vader, especially since they're sitting right next to each other. Everything is flowing in a loop, and he struggles not to dwell on any of his dark thoughts. If he does, it will only make this harder. A few times, he glances at the still form of the Sith Lord, watching as he stares straight ahead, arms crossed, not giving the slightest indication that he realizes Anakin is looking at him.

"Your life-support, how is it maintained?" Anakin asks finally, knowing that it will be a sensitive topic. It's personal to Vader in the same way that Anakin's prosthetic arm is personal to him. He doesn't know if Vader will even tell him, but it's better than sitting here in silence.

Vader's hands clench, and Anakin can keenly feel his helplessness. "The same way one would maintain any machine," Vader replies, "With constant maintenance. It is... cleaned and repaired monthly by specialized droids."

"Oh, well that will be problematic," Anakin notes quietly. He shifts a bit uncomfortably, unsure how anyone could deal with being so helpless and vulnerable all the time. It's a miracle Vader is even still alive, much less able to move. "Do you – I can help you with it, if you want," he offers hesitantly.

For a moment, the respirator cycles rhythmically before the helmet turns to regard Anakin. "If that is what you wish, I would not be adverse to having your assistance," he replies, but through the Force, Anakin can feel the Sith's relief, and it makes him even more glad that he volunteered.

"What exactly is your condition?" Anakin wonders, curiously. He knows it's serious from what he remembers of Mustafar – how could it not be? – but he doesn't know any details.

"Lower your shields," Vader says to him through the Force. It's jarring to hear the difference between his mental and physical voice, but Anakin doesn't let it concern him. He knows that Vader never chose this, he never chose – or wanted – to live like this, and he respects that.

Anakin does as Vader tells him, dropping the shields between them that keeps his thoughts private, taking the metaphorical hand that Vader offers and stepping into the Sith's mind. It's disconcerting, something he rarely ever does and something he has not done in years. If not for the fact that they're the same, it would be eerie how easy this is. Vader is hiding nothing, save his innermost thoughts and desires, the truth of the wreckage of his body laid out for Anakin to see. Nothing could have prepared him for this. Nothing.

It's – how is he still alive? He shouldn't be. It shouldn't be possible. But it is somehow, or he wouldn't still be breathing, albeit with a machine, and talking and moving. Hatred, the thought is tinged with sadness. That's how.

This deep in Vader's mind, there are no secrets between them. They see each other for who they are, for who they have been, for who they could be. They are both Anakin Skywalker, and yet, they... are not the same. Vader is not Anakin anymore than Anakin is Vader. Too much has changed for their paths to ever align, but now that they are together, they pave their own path, a new path, and they can do it together. Neither of them will be alone again, and that is soothing. They understand one another's deepest fears and emotions in a way that no one else ever can.

Vader's thoughts are muted, but Anakin can feel his shame and uncertainty, the hatred for himself that drives him, the desperate need and craving to make things better, to make them right, and most of all, for acceptance. It overwhelms him, and he pulls back into his own mind, opening his eyes to look at the Sith and blinking away tears. He knows now, that Vader is in constant pain, constant agony, his every move jarring the damaged and scarred tissue and nerves. It would have been a mercy for him to die, but that isn't what he wants, not anymore, not now that he's found a purpose.

And Anakin knows that he'll never be able to doubt Vader again. Ever. He can't because he understands him too deeply. For the moment, Vader's anger has faded into resignation as he lets his innermost feelings surface. He's been alone for so long that he doesn't know how to not be alone. He's forgotten how to live. He – he wants the family he lost, longs for it more than he can ever put into thoughts much less words, but it was a weakness he'd ruthlessly suppressed for years, lest Sidious use it against him.

He doesn't know what to say to this man, this mirror of himself who has suffered more than Anakin can conceive. They might share the same soul, but the strength that Vader is exhibiting is a strength that Anakin can't see within himself. But he knows with certainty that if they have each other, they'll never need anyone else, because for each other, they will be enough. They don't have to deny what makes them... them if they're together. He will always miss Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and Padme and Rex and everyone else – really, they both will, though for Vader, their absences are a deep ache, an old wound which has never healed – but he can survive without them, at least for a time.

Anakin remains silent; there's nothing to say anyways. They see one another, and with such an intimate understanding, what need have they of words. He rises slowly, Vader mirroring him a bit more slowly as if unsure. No one should live as Vader has – as they both have – forced to be someone he is not.

"I'm sorry," he thinks, though it's unnecessary. Vader already knows. The tears blurring his gaze finally fall as he surrenders to his emotions and breaks down. No matter what they do, Vader will never be fully free. He'll never be able to escape from the armor incasing him and it hurts. He deserves the chance to be free as much as Anakin does.

Resting a hand on Vader's arm, Anakin looks at him, as much with his eyes as he does the Force, seeking consent. Vader doesn't move, but he doesn't stop him either as Anakin lunges forwards, wrapping his arms around the Sith as tightly as he dares. The durasteel is cold and unyielding under his grip, but he knows Vader appreciates the sentiment. Reaching out with the Force, Anakin entwines their Force signatures together in just the right way so as to comfort them both, resting his forehead on the cyborg's shoulder. Vader hesitates before securing his arms around Anakin, in turn.

This has always been their... thing. Seeking out physical contact for comfort has long been something both of them have done. It was harder when Obi-Wan was their master, especially as they got older, because he heavily discouraged it, seeing it as a form of attachment. But, to them, Obi-Wan has been and always will be their father, and even his reprimands and disappointed looks will never be enough to make them stop loving him. It hurts. It hurts because Obi-Wan is the one who did this to Vader. It's because of him that Vader will forever be trapped in a state that would make even death a mercy.

Anakin doesn't move to pull away, and nor does Vader, so instead, they remain wrapped in each other's arms, drawing comfort from the one person in the galaxy who truly and deeply understands and accepts them. They don't have to hide, not from each other, and the truth Anakin feels in his heart is echoed by Vader's. They love each other, and they'll do anything, anything if it means that the other will be safe.

I love you.

I love you too.

Maybe this is the first step towards healing for both of them.