Chapter 19 - Revealed

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

Author's Note: In which Anakin sees Vader's face for the first time. :')

To alsdjhfgljkwebgh (chapter 9): Vader did not practically tell Palpatine that he's from the future, so of course, it would be a shock that Sidious figured it out. Smh. You're not looking at it from their perspectives. You're looking at it from the perspective of an outsider who already knows that Anakin becomes Vader. There is no one thing that Vader said that really indicated it.

~ Amina Gila

Unsurprisingly, everything has been extremely hectic since the Empire formed, and Vader still marvels at his – no, at Sidious' ability to manage all of the necessary paperwork. His temper is running short, far shorter than usual, at having to deal with all of the disgustingly fake politicians. He hates politics, hates it with a passion, and he would be so incredibly pleased if the entire Senate building and most of those in it were to come to an… unfortunate fate.

But he can't start his rule by slaughtering almost every Senator, and politician, on Coruscant, though it would satisfy him, and besides, they are somewhat useful. Annoying, though useful. They handle much of burden of ruling, and Vader knows that he's incapable of handling all of the smaller details on his own. How is he supposed to know all the little details about some obscure resource on some backwater world, much less how it could be best utilized to benefit everyone involved?

That – that is why he hates politics. He's good at managing things of a military nature, and he knows that he probably could be a good politician – ew – if he dedicated himself to it, but he doesn't have the time or patience to understand all the details about every single occurrence within the galaxy. Maybe that makes him a bad Emperor, but it's been a little over a week, and nothing has fallen apart yet, and nor has he had to murder someone over their sheer stupidity, so he thinks that's a good start.

It's been a week since his proclamation about the clones, and a week since the Jedi capitulated, just as he knew they would. With everything – temporarily – stabilized, he and Anakin have plans to make a trip to Kamino to come to an agreement with the Kaminoans. Producing more clones is completely unnecessary, since Vader has no intention of having a slave army at his beck and call, and also, he needs to do more for them. After all they have suffered, the least he can do for them is giving them their lives back.

And what better way to do that than by having the Kaminoans find a way to stop the clones' rapid aging?

He knows that they're capable; it's only a question of whether or not they're willing, and… well, Vader is good at aggressive negotiations. They will do as he tells them, because he is the Emperor. He has power, and he is not afraid to use it, though he knows he must use it wisely.

"What is the progress of the de-chipping?" Vader asks, hands clasped behind his back as he stands on the bridge of the Star Destroyer that was once his, Anakin at his side.

"It is on schedule, my Lord," Kix reports – he's the medic in charge of the entire operation. "It should be fully complete within a month. It would have been sooner if most had not opted to undergo the surgical removal."

That is something that Vader can fully understand. It's not unlike how freed slaves want their chips removed, not out of fear that they'll be reactivated as much as it is a feeling that they'll never truly be free until the last traces of the servitude have been swept away. It's a feeling with which he is altogether too familiar.

"Very good," he replies, inclining his helmet.

"We're going to the medbay," Anakin announces, the blue and white swirls of hyperspace illuminating the determination and defiance in his eyes in an almost… otherworldly way.

"… we are?" His surprise is visible, even through his vocoder.

"Yes," Anakin confirms blithely, and then, lowering his voice, "Kix knows the truth."

Vader glances from the younger to the clone medic, who gives him a nod. "General Skywalker spoke with me about… you," he offers, quietly. "He wished for me to… look at you, to ascertain your condition."

Vader feels his heart lurch unpleasantly because he doesn't want this. He doesn't want to face it or think about it or deal with it. But… Anakin has a right to this, he knows. He would never agree to this on his own because this – his… condition is his destiny, but he could never begrudge Anakin his fear for him. They are both like that. They both cling on too tightly, holding on until the other person either leaves or betrays them. Everyone in his life did it to him, and sometimes, he's found himself wondering darkly if Anakin will do likewise.

He feels ashamed for those thoughts whenever he has them; Anakin deserves better. Vader… loves him. He loves him with every bit of his shattered, dark heart, but he doesn't know if that will really be enough to keep Anakin with him forever, especially if it means that Anakin will lose the rest of his family. He – after everything he has been through, he finds it hard to trust, even Anakin.

"I know I should have told you," Anakin supplies, touching his arm. Vader stares at his hand, unable to feel the contact. He wishes he could, though. "I was worried that you'd find a way to back out if you knew, so… I'm sorry, Vader."

He surprises himself by huffing out a half-laugh – not a real one; he can't truly laugh anymore. "You were not wrong," he admits. "We should… get this over with." It won't end soon enough. He knows how horrified Anakin will be as the truth of his body is revealed, and he isn't looking forward to it. At all.

**w**

Anakin finds that he's being overwhelmed by a mixture of anxiety and something akin to excitement as they walk through the halls of the Star Destroyer towards the medbay. He never thought that he could ever enjoy coming here, but he'll be so relieved to see Vader's face. It's another show of trust, one which he silently promises to cherish. He could never express to Vader how much it meant to him that the elder was willing to trust him enough to reveal all the dark deeds in his past. On Tatooine, trust meant everything to slaves. It was always so hard to know who to trust, or if anyone could be trusted at all.

Both of them have struggled with trust issues throughout their lives as a result, and it – just knowing that Vader trusts Anakin to help him, to not hurt him or use the truth against him, it means a lot. Vader giving in so easily and going along with Anakin's request that he and Kix look over Vader's condition is yet another display of trust. It's strange how similar and how different they are. Vader is the elder; he's lived through more than Anakin can ever comprehend. Their souls are the same and yet, their paths diverged the moment Vader came here. They are not the same person anymore, and they're bound together by a bond the likes of which Anakin cannot fully fathom.

They love each other, would do anything for each other, and Anakin is more than willing to give Vader all the time he needs to come to terms with everything and heal. He can sense that Vader is sometimes ambivalent about everything, and after suffering for so many years as he has, cut off from everyone and everything, Anakin can grant him some leniency. He can sense it, though he's never brought it up, and he's willing to give Vader as much time as he needs.

Kix leads them both to a private room with adequate medical equipment and closes the door behind them. "Can you remove your… life-support?" the medic asks as Vader stands awkwardly inside the room, radiating discomfort into the Force. Anakin knows that he's pushing Vader, but this isn't anything they hadn't known was coming. It was only a matter of time before Vader needed to remove his life-support for one reason or another.

Is it selfish that Anakin wants to see Vader's face? He knows, logically, that they look alike – of course, they do – but it's… seeing Vader's face is different than seeing his mask. He wants to see the face of the man he's come to love and admire and respect. In so short a time, their relationship has developed and become far deeper than Anakin could ever have imagined. He doesn't know how to label their relationship, and nor does he care to either; it doesn't matter, anyways, what specifically they are. Vader is… the older brother that he's always wanted, the one person who can see his soul, who can understand him.

And really, all he's ever wanted is to be understood by someone. He won't take this… gift for granted. He can't.

"I can, if the environment is adequate," Vader answers. "I require an oxygen mask or a pressurized and sterile environment. In my castle, I had specially designed droids which were programmed to aid in the removal of my armor. When Anakin and I were on Serenno, I began working on that. I never tested the droids, but they should be functional."

"Already taken care of," Anakin interjects, smirking slightly. "I sent a group of clones to surreptitiously pick it all up. It's through there." He points at the door of a storage closet of sorts on the opposite side of the room, and he can feel a flash of surprise from Vader.

"You thought of everything," Vader notes, neutrally.

"Yes," he agrees, faltering slightly. "Are you… alright with this? If you don't – if you are not ready, we can wait. It doesn't have to be now. I just thought…"

Vader reaches out, touching his shoulder. "It will be alright," he assures him. "I am not… happy with doing this, but it is something that needed to be done, and I know you only wish to help. You are. It is alright."

Anakin lets out a relieved breath; he hadn't realized how stressed he was about the prospect of Vader being upset until right now. They're – they're okay. It's different than it was with Obi-Wan. Anakin always pushed him, just to see how far he could, just to see how long it would take before Obi-Wan pushed him away, because… he would, right? He never knew if Obi-Wan truly cared, and he still doesn't, though he knows that whatever care there was, must be gone by now. It's a… habit, because if he doesn't know where he stands with someone, if they love him as much as he loves them, he pushes them.

It is far easier to be aware of something like that when he's trying to be mindful of how he's treating Vader. And… perhaps it will help him in the future, when he has to interact with the other people in his family, because he knows it's only a matter of time before he encounters Obi-Wan or Ahsoka again, and when he does, it will hurt.

They don't speak further as Kix directs them both through a brief sterilization procedure, and then, Vader opens the door to where the droids are located, tinkering with something for a moment before activating them. He retreats back, standing in the middle of the room, looking to Kix. "Do you wish for me to remove all of it?"

The medic hesitates. "It would be easier," he answers. "If I can see your body, I can run scans and assess your condition more easily. It shouldn't take long."

Anakin can feel Vader's anxiety, but he merely gestures to the droid which moves forwards, lifting the upper part of his helmet. He can hardly breathe as the lower part of the mask is pulled back, revealing Vader's scarred, deformed features. He holds out a hand, pulling the ready oxygen mask to him and putting it on his face. It takes only a handful of seconds from the time that Vader's build-in respirator shuts off until the machine next to him turns on.

For a heartbeat of silence, no one and nothing moves, and Vader's golden eyes find Anakin's. They just… stare at each other, and Anakin does his best to hide his feelings at seeing the scarring on Vader's face. It's… bad. Very bad. And his skin is extremely pale, probably from being enclosed in the suit constantly. The features are still his own, though, and he could never properly express how much it hurts to see Vader like this.

"Can't we… fix this?" he asks, almost pleads.

One corner of Vader's mouth twitches into a wry smile. "This was my destiny," he answers. His voice is weak, muffled because of the mask, but it's Anakin's. He doesn't sound like Vader anymore without the helmet, with the vocoder gone. He – he sounds just like Anakin, and it's almost unnerving.

"Not anymore," Anakin replies steadily, firmly. "You're here now. Your destiny is your own."

Despite the burns and scars, Vader's face is still extremely expressive, just like Anakin's is. "I remember being that naïve once," he comments. His words only don't sting because he doesn't mean it in a cruel or malicious manner. "It didn't last." There's a sadness lurking in his gaze, mingled with resignation. It's one thing to feel it through their bond; seeing it is different. It almost makes it seem more real.

And… Anakin doesn't know what to say to that, so he remains silent, acknowledging Vader's greater experiences as well as his brokenness, and watches as the droids whir forward again and begin taking Vader's life-support apart, piece by piece. He does his best not to flinch when the control panel is removed, because it was literally inside his chest. This – it's so much worse than Anakin ever thought possible. He knew Vader was in constant pain, but he would never have guessed that Vader literally has an implant right in the middle of his chest. Oh Force, how much of him is even human anymore?!

As the pieces of armor are removed and set aside, the true horror of Vader's condition is revealed. Anakin had known, or suspected, what it might be like, but it is far worse than his wildest imaginations. The scarring is horrific, and there's implants all over his body. His chest, his spine, his neck, his back… Everywhere. No wonder he's in so much pain all the time. It doesn't even look like the skin has had a chance to heal properly, and his armor is placed right on top of it. The friction must be excruciating.

"Force," he breathes, taking a step backwards and sitting on the edge of the table so he doesn't fall as horror washes through him at the sight of his – his elder self being reduced to such an awful condition.

"Do not," Vader snaps harshly, fists clenching, "Do not pity me. I don't want your pity."

A strangled, mirthless laugh escapes from him, and he presses his hands against his face, trying not to scream. "This is not pity, Vader." He looks up, glancing at Kix who is typing on a scanner. Thankfully, the medic interjects before either of them can say anything more, giving Anakin a chance to recollect himself. He directs Vader where to stand while he's scanned by the machines.

It's human decency, Anakin thinks, desperately, wildly. It's human decency to be appalled at the condition you've been living in. It's not okay. It's not. I wouldn't even wish that on Sidious.

"How are you even alive?!" Kix bursts out suddenly, sounding more horrified than Anakin has ever heard him, and he's been around the medic a lot; Kix has always seemed so unflappable to him, so hearing him like this is… alarming. "How – General, medically, it should be impossible for you to still be living, much less moving."

"I do what needs to be done," Vader answers stiffly. He's closed off, but he doesn't resist when Anakin probes at him lightly. His emotions are too complex for Anakin to put into words, though he can understand the cause behind them. Vulnerability. It's true that Vader's armor and mask give him a sense of anonymity and power. Like this… he looks – and probably feels – exactly like what he is: a broken man with a ruined body.

"Are there any… procedures that you need to undergo?" Kix questions as he moves forwards, carefully taking a blood sample from Vader's arm.

Vader hesitates, and Anakin sends him a silent wave of encouragement through their bond. "I require monthly… treatments. My suit is maintained while I stay in a bacta tank."

"Okay," Kix replies, nodding as he does something with the blood sample; Anakin isn't sure what, exactly, he's testing for. "The maintenance should be relatively simple. Perhaps that would be something you could instruct… Anakin about?"

Vader's golden eyes flick towards Anakin for a moment. "That would be acceptable," he concedes, radiating something like relief into the Force.

"How often do you get bacta treatments?" Kix wants to know.

"If I am not on a mission, it was for no more than a few hours at a time. Perhaps, a day at maximum during my treatments."

"That's all?" the medic demands incredulously. "With your body in this state, you need to be in a bacta tank for a month at least."

"That is insanity." Vader sounds outraged, and Anakin can empathize with that. He'd feel much the same if it was him there. "I do not have the time to be wasting it in such a manner."

"With all due respect, General, your condition will only deteriorate if you do not take care of your health," Kix fires back at him. "You need to be in a bacta tank so you can heal." His tone is firm and unyielding, one that Anakin has never been brave enough to argue with.

What if I don't want to heal? The thought, filled with a seething resentment, filters across their bond, and Anakin's heart skips a beat. He recognizes that soul-deep depression, that… desire to be dead, to cease to exist. It's not something he's experienced much, or even often, but he recognizes it. It resonates with him.

"Vader," he whispers, uncertain, stepping forward, "You can't mean that." Distantly, almost hysterically, he can't help but notice that Vader is several inches taller than him; it must be his prosthetic legs. His height makes him intimidating, so it makes sense that Sidious would want it.

Their eyes lock, and the raw anguish is visible on Vader's face when it would normally have been hidden behind his mask. Like this, he seems… human. He seems reachable. "What if I do?" His voice is equally quiet, strained, still muffled by the oxygen mask.

"No," Anakin says, shaking his head, "You – you deserve to feel better. To deserve to be better." He understands, intuitively, what the root of the problem is. Looking at Vader, it's easy to see how much he lost. He lost his very humanity; Obi-Wan took it from him, and perhaps Vader deserved it, but… well, the problem is that he accepts that a little too much. He thinks that he deserved it, that it was his destiny. Anakin can't believe that; he refuses to believe that.

"Do I?" The scathing bitterness in Vader's voice is directed solely inwards, and it hurts.

Anakin steps forwards, holding the elder's eyes. "Yes." He deliberately reaches out with his left hand, touching Vader's shoulder lightly, careful not to accidentally hurt him, but he needs to make sure Vader understands and accepts it. "Yes, Vader, you do."

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