Chapter 14: One Helluva Ride
Tafford sat at his desk gazing at the screen of his tablet. While he ordinarily would occupy his downtime with something useful, like maintaining his gear, doing chores for himself, or putting in a little extra effort for the hotel, that wasn't really possible today. All of his equipment was in peak condition, all of his personal chores were done, and there hadn't been anything to do around the hotel since it opened. Every burnt light bulb or slightly loose screw had been snapped up by Nifty, who was just as desperate for something to do as he was.
You might think he would go out and try to socialize with the others, but no. Tafford was actually a very introverted man, with the game session he played the day before being the most social he had been in years. So today he had chosen to occupy his time with a trip down memory lane.
'Knock' 'Knock' 'Knock'
Came a sound from his door. Opening it reveled the princess.
"Hey Mr. Tafford, I was just going around checking in on everyone. Just to, you know, see how your doing."
"I'm alright ma'am. Just enjoying some time to myself."
"Oh, O.K. You know if you ever want someone to talk to, or maybe just hang out, the rest of us are close by. Oh hey, is that a Vox Tab?"
"She finished with a question.
"Uh, no actually."
Said Tafford with a hint of apprehension.
"Really? Huh, I thought all the smaller tech manufacturers got run out of business when Vox came to power. What kind of tablet is it then?"
Tafford hesitated at this question, and subconsciously moved to his right to block her view. While the stout loner didn't have many secrets, this was definitely one. He was cautious of revealing the details of that device to anyone, lest he bring down unnecessary trouble on himself. But by now he also knew what kind of person his boss was. She wasn't the type to pry into other people's business unless it was truly important, and in his time working with her he got the sense that she was a trustworthy individual, a rarity in hell.
Telling her was a risk, but it was one he felt confident in taking.
"I-It's my old tablet I had during the war. From earth."
"Charlie's eyes widened at the possibility, but also focused in skepticism.
"From earth? How is that even possible? How do you know it's really from the human realm?"
"Come in, I'll show you."
He said as he stood aside. Charlie walked inside and sat on the chair while Tafford took the device and opened his pictures. Huh, this was the first time she had gotten a good look at his room. Although the space wasn't drastically changed from how it was before he moved in he had put up a few noticeable decorations.
Most immediately apparent were the two flags that hung from his walls. One was a light grey flag with the phrase 'In Steel we Trust' embossed into the material. The second was a 'Betsy Ross' style US. flag, not an uncommon sight with sinners. A lot of former humans kept the flags of their previous nationalities somewhere in their homes as a way to stay connected to their past.
Other than that there was a black trunk at the foot of his bed providing a bit of extra storage. His closet overflowed with similar chests containing the rest of the man's worldly goods. Apart from that the room appeared no different from the stock rooms given to all guests and staff.
"Alright, take a look at this."
Stated Tafford. When her eyes next met the illuminated screen of the device, all doubt as to it's origins left her. Blue skies, green grass, and strange faces met her eager features.
"*Gasp* Earth!"
She exclaimed as she hungrily took in every last detail of the photo. In this was the source of Tafford's apprehension. Though it wasn't unheard of for goods and media to be smuggled down from earth by hellborns, just about all technology was sold to Vox. From there it was reverse engineered and hellish versions sold to the populace. While Tafford had never heard of Vox or his lackeys going out of their way to acquire new pieces of technology he didn't want to bring trouble onto himself if it could be avoided.
Of arguably greater value however was the pictures, media, even video that came from earth. While of course the princess had seen things like post cards, heard songs and seen artist's renditions of the human realm, she had never had a glimpse this big before.
When he saw how joyful his boss was at getting to see so much from earth he happily allowed her to peruse his device, with his supervision of course. Charlie spent the next few hours jubilantly enraptured by the world she was so fascinated by, but ever so rarely got to see. Music of various genres, videos saved from various sources, and a multitude of pictures all formed the mosaic of the princess's biggest glimpse the human world yet.
The pictures were where Tafford was most vocal. Images of his former home, family, friends, as well as old war photos were all given context and accompanying information by the old veteran. However, not all of the digitally rendered moments were happy ones. Pictures of Tafford with his comrades, and the aftermath of some of his greatest victories. Some of these made Charlie very sad to look at, seeing the human suffering and destruction on display hurt her tender heart.
Likewise Tafford saw again the faces of the men and women he had known and fought beside, his brothers in arms. Many taken before their time. All too soon, this glimpse into the mortal realm ended as the tablet's battery died.
"Oh! I guess that's it then."
Sighed Charlie in disappointment.
"Don't worry. I'll charge it up again and we can do this another time."
Consoled Tafford, putting a hand on his boss's shoulder.
"I'd like that! Thank you Mr. Tafford, I had a really good time."
Smiled Charlie in gratitude. As she rose from her seat a question entered Charlie's mind that she hadn't thought to ask while they were viewing Tafford's device.
"Hey, before I forget, where did you get this? From what I know sinners never come down with much more than the clothes on their back so how did you manage to find your tablet?"
"Actually I got it at the Knock and Stagger when I worked there. Best bonus I ever got from that job believe you me."
"He he! I can imagine. I wonder how it got there."
"A good question ma'am. Unfortunately like many other quandaries the answer is, I have no idea."
Seven Years Earlier
Blitzo and his crew peeked out from the lid of the dumpster watching as the last customer left the store.
"Shouldn't be long now, get ready."
Around 10 minutes later an overweight middle aged man is seen exiting the back of the shop and a long black barrel fitted with a suppressor emerges from the dumpster. With but a single shot the deed is done and the three imps plus hell hound scramble out. They quickly make their way inside, except for Blitzo who stops to take a quick selfie with the corpse. Dragging it inside, he shuts the door behind him and looks to survey all his new loot.
I.M.P.s latest job had brought them to nowheresville PA to off a small time pawn shop owner who cheated one man too many. Ordinarily the cash they would get from a small time job like this wouldn't be enough to satisfy the amateur assassins, but lately they had taken to stealing everything that wasn't nailed down to increase their profits. The potential haul from an entire pawn shop was just too enticing to pass up. And from what they found inside, that just made the six hour stakeout worth it.
Jewelry, electronics, gold and silver coins, electric guitars, all this and more met the I.M.P.'s gaze.
"Pay dirt! M&M, go in the back and find some boxes, Loonie help me smash open these cases."
"Sir, shouldn't we disable the alarms first?"
"Oh cool your tits Mox, we'll be in and out before officer doughnut shows up. We're fine."
Blitzo and Loona started smashing while Moxxie and Millie found some boxes in the back and got to grabbing. As assassins their skills were mediocre at best, but their thievery skills were actually quite adept. With speed and efficiency they grabbed every last item that appeared remotely valuable. When all the boxes, plus one sack that Blitzo insisted on carrying, were full the group started to make their way out the back door. Just when it looked like they were home free and Blitzo was about to congratulate himself on another job well done they heard,
*Shck-Shck*
"FREEZE!"
And the group did exactly that as the barrels of two shotguns were pointed in their faces. Unbeknownst to them this city had been a war zone not that long ago. Many of the city services were still being re-established police included. However someone did respond to the silent alarms, and they were far worse than any police department. Loona and Millie tried to back track into the store but quickly came up short when four more humans with guns surrounded them.
"I told you we should have checked for alarms sir!"
"Oh shove it Mox, we got bigger problems now."
"Problems that were directly caused by-"
"Shut up! Drop the stolen goods and get on the ground now!"
"Hey buddy, let's just take it easy. I know this looks bad but trust me this isn't what it loo-"
"Got a body in here!"
Called another human from inside.
"Well, shit."
Chaos erupted inside the pawn shop as Blitzo and Moxxie both drew their pistols and shot the two humans in front of them with lightning reflexes. Loona took two humans to the ground and viciously mauled them, while Millie cut off the hands of the last two before slitting their throats with a wickedly sharp blade. Some of the humans tried to get a shot off but were wildly inaccurate due to the whip-crack speed of the I.M.P.s counter attack. But while the shots missed their intended targets, they did succeed in alerting others who were waiting nearby.
Gunfire rips through the front of the building as all four grab their boxes and high tail it to the alley. There was no time for a portal so they kept their eyes peeled for a means of escape. The dead man's car, there it was parked at the far end of the alley!
"Get in the stiff's car now!"
Shouted Blitzo as he ran. The four demons pile in and it takes only a minute to hot wire the engine. But that was the only minute the humans needed to get into position and begin firing into the vehicle.
"Now Blitz, I'd rather not be drink my beer out of two holes tonight!"
"Almost, got it!"
The lanky imp said as the engine sparked to life. Wasting no time he tore off down the street leaving the soldiers in their wake. Their apparent leader took a walkie attached to his vest and spoke,
"Command, this is raven squad. Pawn shop thieves have escaped, six confirmed K.I.A., one civilian dead. Thieves are armed and dangerous, recommend issuing kill/capture orders. Take them if you can, kill them if you have to."
A growing distance away the for demons were tearing down the street in the stolen car.
"Whew. Alright I'll admit that got hairy for a second but I think we lost em."
Said the big horned imp before a pair of trucks pulls into view behind them.
"You just had to jinx it, didn't you?"
Chided the hell hound. The trucks pulled up alongside the car with one lowing the window and taking out a bullhorn.
"Pull over! Pull over immediately or we will open fire!"
"No chance jerkass!"
BAM!-BAM! SLAM! R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R,*CRASH!*
With an impressive amount of aggression Blitzo successfully rammed one truck off the road before the humans could react. Meanwhile Moxxie had brought his pistol to bear and handily shot out the tires of the second.
"Nice one Mox! I just might have to give you a bonus for that one!"
"Really?! Well, you weren't bad yourself sir, what with the wheel and-"
"Incoming!"
Yelled Millie as two more trucks pulled into the pursuit. While Moxxie and Blitzo had dealt with the first two pursuers fairly easily, these next two were far worse.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRR-AH!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRR-AH!
The mounted machine guns on their backs opened fire immediately, causing Blitzo to swerve for their lives. Up one side of the street and down the other, quick turns and desperate maneuvers, anything to stay ahead of the streams of death pouring after them.
"YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE A QUICK JOB SIR!"
Screamed Moxxie over the gunfire.
"WELL THIS ISN'T A QUICK JOB IT'S A WAR!"
"Loona, portal, now!"
"I can't read the book while your trying to give me whiplash!"
RRRRRRRRRRRT- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!
At this moment a stream of fire tore through the vehicle, shattering both windshields and forcing the foursome to the floorboards. Realizing they were going to get torn to shreds at this rate, Millie thought fast and came up with an idea to lose the heat on their backs.
"Moxxie, do we still have that bag of caltrops?"
"Let me see."
He said quickly searching through the bag of tricks.
"Yes! Here they are!"
Joyfully exclaimed the imp, handing the bag off to his wife. Millie wasted no time in simply dumping the whole thing out the shattered back windshield, watching the little spiked balls of metal tink onto the road.
POP! POP! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH- SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The spiked bits worked just like a charm, destroying the tires of one of the perusing trucks, stopping the vehicle in it's tracks. But the second truck was far enough back to swerve and avoid both the spike field and it's disabled companion.
"Mills, great thinking! Remind me to get you a bonus too!"
"AAH, Watch out!"
Loona cut in. The pursuit had not gone unnoticed by the city at large, and the soldiers were now trying to box them in. Large armored vehicles blocked off every street in view, all but one. Having no other option, Blitzo swerves down the open street seeing it lead directly into a construction site. The skeleton of a new skyscraper rose up before them, leaving nowhere for the fast moving car nowhere to go. Almost nowhere, as Blitzo notices the parked form of an eighteen wheeler with a lowered ramp.
"No, no don't. Blitz don't do it, this is crazy!"
"There's nowhere else to go Loona! I'm not going back there to get skull fucked by those assholes! Hold on!"
He contended as he floored the gas.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
*BANG!*
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"
*CRASH!*
"AAAAAAAAH!"
*SLAM!*
The car launched off of the ramp and soared through the construction site, bouncing twice before landing hard right over a deep drainage ditch.
"UuUgH."
Groaned the occupants of the destroyed car.
"Into the site! They can't have gotten far!"
Damn it. These humans were relentless!
"Oh, fuck. Loonie, Loonie. They're coming, we need a portal now!"
"Uuuugh, shit! Fine."
Groaned the hell hound, and In short order a red portal appeared directly below the wreckage of the vehicle.
"O.K. everyone time to go. And don't forget the loot!"
Ejaculated the lanky imp as he grabbed his sack and entered the hole, followed by his three compatriots. The portal closed shortly after the last of them had fallen in, and none too soon. Not a second later the first solider reached the vehicle and swept over it with his rifle.
"No sign of them sir!"
"Fan out, they couldn't have gone far!"
Barked sergeant Morris as his squad ran up behind him to join the search.
Back in Hell
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-
OW!
OUCH!
OW!"
CRASH!
Cried the I.M.P.s as they crashed through a canopy of trees and landed in a thicket of thorn bushes.
"UuUugnH."
Collectively groaned the foursome.
"Ahh, Loonie you couldn't have landed us some place softer?"
"Oh shut up. I'd like to see you do better, especially when you just got a damn concussion."
"Touche."
"Well at least we're back in pride. But where are we? I don't recognize anything around here."
Said Millie. Looking around the rest could see she was correct. They stood amidst a gnarled, mean looking woods, but they didn't appear to be in any immediate danger. Surrounded on all sides by thick thorn bushes, getting out wasn't going to be fun. Some distance away the lights of a settlement could be seen, now they had a direction. Taking a few minutes to collect themselves and their loot, which had actually taken the fall better than they had. With Millie at the head chopping a path the group set out for the lights, eager to find out where they were.
Arriving at the outskirts of the town no one saw the pair of eyes that fell upon them, hungrily analyzing them and their belongings. Walking down the main street they headed for a gas station at the end of the block.
"Ugh, look at this concrete rat trap. Were they really too cheap to build this place with a personality?"
Jibed Loona looking to the concrete buildings all around her. Though it was true, even a passing glance would reveal the boxy uninspired forms of the buildings surrounding her. Basically stone boxes with flat top roofs built for function, efficiency, and not much else. It was a wonder why anyone would spend more time here than they absolutely had too, much less live here.
The eyes looked the group up and down taking in their every feature. Those boxes they carried looked promising. The I.M.P.s finally arrived at the gas station where they saw a demon filling up his car.
"Hey buddy, what's the name of this dump."
"Purgis station, what else would it be?"
"Oh for the love of- PURGIS STATION!? That's all the way on the other side of the other side of the ring!"
"Oh cool your tits drama queen. You know I can just portal us back to the office? Or did you hit your head so hard your last two brain cells died on impact?"
"Oh, right. I didn't forget."
"Yes you did sir."
As yet another argument broke out between the two imps of the group, and the third tried to break it up, the eyes were moving into position. Just like a million times before, he would spring out, snatch one of those boxes and be gone before those rubes knew what hit them. Until he saw what the hell hound pulled out. A book, and not just any book. This one had gold, gems, and who knew what else embroidered right into the cover! He didn't know what made that fancy book so special, but he was willing to bet he could get way more for that than whatever was in those boxes. And in a fraction of a second a decision was made.
"Yoink!"
Said the tiny lithe thief, nabbing the book right out of Loona's hands and taking off down the street.
"KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER! HE'S GOT THE BOOK!"
Bellowed Blitzo already off after the snatcher.
*BLAM!*
*BANG-BANG!* *BANG-BANG!*
*BRRRRRRRRRRRT-BRRRRRRRRRT!*
Shots rang out as the chase began, first from Blitzo's flintlock, then from Moxxie's pistols, and finally from a micro SMG carried by the thief. Throughout the exchange of shots and knives the I.M.P.s kept pace, and thought they had him when he ducked into an alleyway.
"Ah-ha! Got you now you piece of-"
*VROOM*
The start of an engine made the group dive to safety as a mad max style buggy tore it's way out of the alley and down the street.
"Oh, come on!"
Said Moxxie expressing the sentiment for all of them. Thinking fast, Blitzo started looking around for a set of wheels. Finding some he pointed and said,
"Into that truck, we gotta get after him!"
The eighteen wheeler that sat nearby was far from the most ideal vehicle for a chase, but it was the only option they had. Quickly climbing inside and hot wiring the engine the four got after their quarry as fast as the lumbering behemoth would carry them. Sadly with the speed difference of the vehicles, coupled with the head start of the buggy, it was apparent by the time they had pulled out of the town and into the wilderness that the thief stood a good chance of escaping.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! We cannot lose that book! Do you know how much shit we're gonna be in if he gets away!"
*BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *Click*-*Click* *Click*-*Click!*
Leaning out the window and taking careful aim, Moxxie let out three shots from his rifle, knocking off a panel and damaging the buggy's engine. But in the process, spent the last of the rifle's ammunition.
"Good work Mox! Remind me to buy you a beer after we waste this guy!"
"It was nothing."
Moxxie said simply smiling with pride. The thief's buggy slowed after that, maintaining enough speed to stay out of the I.M.P.'s reach, but not enough to get away. It was a race of attrition now. But as they came upon the next stretch of road, the thief saw a way to put it in his favor. A graveyard of derelict cars stretched out on either side of the highway, the wrecks of street racers long passed.
The buggy swerved and went straight into the maze of debris followed shortly by it's large pursuer. The buggy was as small as it was maneuverable, both traits that served it well in this maze. Making tight turns and sliding between hulks with ease, the one man vehicle was truly in it's element. The semi on the other hand had no such advantages. It was neither agile nor maneuverable, but what it lacked in agility it made up for in durability. Smaller wrecks were pushed aside with ease, and the solid construction of the eighteen wheeler allowed it to power through in enough spots to keep track of the tiny bandit.
This, combined with the decades of experience of the man at the wheel, made certain that I.M.P. kept pace with their book and the thief who stole it. Seeing how he wouldn't lose them in this metal jungle, the slippery bandit veers back towards the road, followed by a very pissed off big rig.
ZOOM! ZOOM! VOOM! ZO-ZOOM! VOOM! ZOOM!
No sooner had tires touched pavement then they were forced to swerve again, as hunters and hunted alike pulled out into the middle of a street race. Running smack into the onrush of cars, it was all the men could do to avoid becoming a pancake of viscera and high speed metal. More than one of the speed demons were caught off guard by the emergence of two new obstacles on the highway, and a few even joined the wrecks in the graveyard.
After finally clearing the last of the street racers the roads got significantly rougher. Pot holes, ruts, and crevices abounded as both parties reached a section of road that hadn't been maintained since it was first laid. This only got worse as the chase went on and eventually rocky, mountainous terrain replaced the wasteland. The highway cut through the mountains and descended into the region below, curving, twisting paths forcing both predator and prey to slow down or be thrown to their demise.
BAM! - CRASH! BAM! - CRASH! BAM!
Huge boulders and pieces of falling rock obstructed the crumbling highway, taking every last ounce of the driver's skill to to avoid being crushed to smithereens. Mercifully both buggy and semi reached the border of this naturally occurring death trap intact and the road gave way to a long, impossibly flat swathe of grassland.
"Alright, got him! Little fucker can't escape now!"
As the chase went on no one seemed to notice the sway and shake of the grass on either side of the highway. Almost no none.
"Uh, sir-"
"Not now Moxxie, I'm about to nail this son of a bitch!"
The stripe horned imp said as he leaned out the window with his flintlock.
"Blitz, get your head back in here now!"
"Now dumbass! Seriously, we shit you not!"
Exclaimed Millie, then Loona, now seeing what Moxxie saw.
"I said no! I've almost… got…"
He trailed off, the skies darkening as the danger made itself known. A swarm of winged airborne predators filled the air above the two vehicles, endless maws filled with gnashing blades eager for the taste of new prey.
"Roll em' up."
Paled Blitzo, his voice deathly calm as the color drained from his face. His words are heeded instantly, and not a second too soon. Just after the last crack was sealed by glass a tide of wings, fangs, and claws crashes into the truck, just barley held back by the transparent barrier. Over in the buggy the terrified thief drew all of his bits into the steel cage of his vehicle in a desperate bid to avoid having them taken off. After not even a few seconds of this punishment, in which his car was dented, scraped, and buffeted he hits a red switch on his controls.
R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-ZAP!
"That's cheating!"
Cried Blitzo as he saw the electric cage of the buggy. While not offering as much protection as the cabin of the semi it did effectively repel the swarm. Speaking of which, the tide of tooth and claw had not abated, and despite the formidable construction of the eighteen wheeler, the windows were beginning to crack and break.
Indeed after making zero headway into the electrified buggy, the swarm seemed to home in on the sturdy but unprotected truck. The windshield lasted fifteen seconds before it gave way, finally shattering with a crash, and the shriek of hundreds of monsters. Chaos erupted in the cabin of the truck as blades, bullets, and claws cull dozens upon dozens of the beasts. Hundreds more fly in after their fallen brood mates, in a seemingly endless stream of flying death. Minutes, hours, who could tell how long this assault kept up. But as quickly as it began, it was over. By some small miracle the truck is still rolling, and still behind the thief's buggy at that.
"Yeah, fly on back to your shit hole you leathery bastards! That'll teach you to mess with I.M.P.!"
"Blitz"
Said Loona in a deadpan.
"Yeah?"
When the lanky imp turned to regard his daughter he was met with her finger which pointed straight ahead. He followed it's direction with his gaze, to be met with an even worse fate staring back at him, dead ahead.
At some point they had lost the road, and now the savage expanse yawned wide before them. Looking around there was absolutely no way to avoid it. Behind them were the grasslands with it's swarms of flying predators, and ahead of them lay only death. With no time left, both vehicles plowed into the dense vegetation, and immediately plunged into the fight of their lives.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH"!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The very plants around them seemed to despise the truck barreling through their midst, as the flora and fauna begin to tear the semi apart.
"R-R-R RIP!"
In short order the roof is shorn from the top, leaving the I.M.P.s to doge teeth, claws, and other appendages.
But they aren't the only ones however as the thief's buggy disintegrates just as fast. Three daemonic apes drop into the roof of the wagon causing the terrified little man inside to panic and hit the juice. This has some effect, shaking one ape loose as it infuriated the remaining two. Howling in rage the apes start to rip out wires and smash anything they can get their hands on.
*Snap!* *Snap!*
*Shred!*
*Snap!*
*Slice!*
Back in the truck Loona shreds two giant flytraps with her claws while Millie severs a third with her axe.
*BANG-BANG!* *BANG-BANG!*
*BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!*
*BLAM!*
While Moxxie shoots down a small swarm of mutated insects with his pistols, Blitzo blows a hole through the head of a lizard creature that perched above the wheel.
"We can't last much longer in this shit! We need to get out now!"
"We can't loose the book! And there's nowhere to go, we have to press on!"
Shouted Loona and Blitzo
"Oh shit! Hang on!"
Blitzo swerves hard to avoid a daemonic tree in their path, being slashed by the thing's tendrils along the way. The truck then shakes and rumbles as if it were driving through an earthquake, as an entire herd of wild boars die under the wheels. Banking hard to the right, the imp at the wheel avoids a small lake filled with things he didn't want to think about. The rest had time to look over the side and see not-piranhas stripping the flesh of water snakes, careless beasts who wandered too close to the edge, and just about everything else. They stay there, transfixed by a sight so horrible they can't look away. Before the three can bring themselves back to the disaster at hand they see a pterodactyl like bird scoop up an alligator and fly away.
Meanwhile the fool bandit swerves in a fruitless attempt to shake the two remaining apes still tearing his vehicle apart. Suddenly, the primates turn and leap from the nearly destroyed buggy, running further into the jungle. Likewise, no new beasts or monster plants come for the semi, and for a few scant moments it appears they have outpaced the dangers of the expanse.
Then the thief notices something out of the corner of his eye, something the I.M.P.s can see more clearly. Trees shake and the ground quakes as a creature, massive in size and like a centipede in shape, crawls it's way into the chase. Perhaps sensing weakness, or the item of power it carried, the beast targets the thief's buggy first.
"Ha! Serves you right you miserable dipshit! Hope it chews you up and shits you out!"
Jeered Blitzo as the buggy starts to bob and weave in a desperate attempt to stay out of the creature's mandibles.
"Sir, do you realize HE STILL HAS THE BOOK! THE ENTIRE REASON WE CHASED HIM ALL THIS WAY! REMEMBER THAT HUH!?"
Moxxie shouted finally losing his temper.
"Oh, DAMN IT! Ah, FUCK! M&M, aim at that thing, hit it with everything we got left!"
*BANG-BANG!* *BANG-BANG!*
*BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!*
*BRRRRRRRRRT-BRRRRRRRRT-BRRRRRRRT!*
Doing as they were told, the two opened fire with pistols, rifles, SMGs, anything they could get their hands on. Millie was not as skilled with guns as her husband, but against a monster that size, accuracy hardly mattered. While the bullets pelted off the armored shell like rain, they did succeed at damaging a few of the creature's legs.
With some of it's legs injured, the beast turned it's attention to the quartet in the truck. Blitzo has to drive in a wide arc, and copy some of the buggy's maneuvers to avoid the beast's body and stay ahead of it's mandibles. The munitions sent into the beast's face did nothing, pelting off until the monster was almost upon them.
"SIR, IT'S ALMOST ON US!"
"THEN USE THE DAMN BAZOOKA!"
"I HATE THAT THING!"
"WE'RE ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE MOX JUST DO IT!"
Taking out the infamous 'my dick' bazooka, the short imp shouldered the launcher and,
*Fssssss- BOOM!*
The rocket detonated on contact, stunning the creature for a few moments as it's head was knocked aside. Unfortunately this doesn't last long and when the creature comes around again, it comes at them with twice the speed.
"What are you doing you little shit?! Hit it again!"
Shouted the hell hound.
"That was our only rocket! I'm out!"
"UGH! Can't believe I'm gonna die in some giant bug infested-"
Loona's rant was interrupted as the truck jolts and bursts out from the jungle. It takes a second for the four to realize they had just escaped the savage expanse, but when they do Loona, Moxxie, and Millie look back to see the deadly jungle recede further and further away, with the creature stopped at the edge. The beast lets out a thunderous chittering roar that sends the three onlookers back to their seats.
"Well I'll be a son of a bitch!"
Blitzo's remark draws attention to the front where the battered, broken, and barley held together buggy still crawled along. Smoke poured from it's engine and a trail of fluids leaked from a thousand points at once. Indignant, Blitzo takes his flintlock, aimed at the buggy and,
*BLAM!*
*POP!*
…
"Huh, didn't think that would work."
Gawked Blitzo, shocked that his shot connected. Sputtering and limping, the scrap wagon begins to lose ground to the relatively intact semi. Wrath and hunger fill the eyes of the quartet, as their prey finally comes within their grasp.
For his part, the thief begins to panic, hyperventilating as he desperately scans the wastes before him for anything he could use to escape. Shit, shit shit, there has to be some way out of this! Something that can get him out of this, there's nothing that can get him out of this!
Except, there! A slope in the rocks ahead that would make the perfect ramp! If he jumped that, there was a slim chance he could make it out! No other choice, he had to take it! And so, urging his nearly crippled vehicle on for all it had left, he steered towards the natural ramp.
"Sir, no. No don't. I know what your thinking and it won't work, that cliff is at least a hundred foot drop!"
Quickly picking up on what he saw, the others join in to steer their boss/father away from his seemingly suicidal obstinance.
"He's right Blitz, this truck took one hell of a beating! We won't survive!"
"Blitz, you've pulled some crazy shit before, but this is just stupid! If we go off there you'll be killing yourself, and me too! Don't do it!"
The others continued to voice dissents just like this as they saw the buggy Yeet itself off the cliff, until Blitzo turned and drove down the side of it.
"Oh come on everyone, give me some credit. I may be bull headed a lot of the time, but that's just stupid!"
Descending the cliff, they quickly circle back and find the crash site. Amazingly, the pitiful little man had survived, and managed to crawl a few feet from the totaled wreck. Blitzo walks up to him and turns him over with his foot.
"Eh-"
*BLAM!*
Without hesitation Blitzo blows his head off with a sawed off shotgun and retrieves the book from the corpse.
"Come on, were done. I think I saw the road back there, let's see if there's someplace nearby we can get blind stinking drunk."
Climbing back in to the half semi the group does find the road, and it wasn't long before the lights of a settlement came into view. The truck had the decency to wait until they were at the outskirts of town before running out of gas. Collecting their, surprisingly intact, loot they stumble out to find the closest bar. A few blocks away they come upon a place called the Knock and Stagger.
Hours later the foursome stumble out into the street and are just able to conjure a portal back to imp city. Back inside, the owner finds a bag the group had left behind in their stupor. He goes through it real quick and finds, among other things, a tablet and phone. He takes the bag to the back, and decided he was feeling generous. Maybe he'd let a few of his employees go through it before taking it down to the junk shop tomorrow.