Chapter 14: Always

Date: December 1, 2552
Location: Forward Unto Dawn, Space

A strong grip on my shoulder was the first thing I noticed as I emerged from the memory. The second thing was a softly voiced "Jayne?" from the man known as Sierra 117.

My eyes focused on Chief's concerned baby blues. I beamed up at him even while my vision misted from tears as I emerged from the memory. "I'm okay," I assured, taking calming breaths. His gaze tracked a tear that fell to clear my vision. I swiftly wiped my cheeks and recited my flashback.

"Chief, we've been running into each other since the beginning of time!" I stated with mock exasperation. If it weren't for how close we still were, I would have missed the slight upturn of his mouth as he smiled at my deflection.

"Pure chance," he supplied off-handedly, stepping back. His features reset to that of sheer determination as he pulled his hand from my shoulder.

I shook my head, smiling to myself. "More like luck-yours to be precise. I'd bet all my chips on you, Spartan." I met his eyes again, gathering all my courage to say what needed to be said.

"John, I'd to explain myself for the other day." I waited a beat to allow him to interrupt, when he didn't, I plowed ahead. "I had feelings for you, before I forgot, and it was more than just physical attraction.

"The strangest part is that it's like my body remembers even if my mind is still playing catch-up. In fact, I should thank you for being such a catalyst to my memories. Our friendship over the years has been instrumental in this recollection reconnaissance mission I find myself in.

"Nevertheless, even though I care for you, I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable and avoid me. Everything is already complicated enough; I don't want to add to it, especially with what lies ahead of us."

I sat down on top of a nearby picnic table and gave John space to think. As it turned out, sitting was an act of self-preservation for what followed.

"Jayne." My eyes snapped to his at the sound of the barely restrained emotion in that one word. In one fell swoop, my breath was lost at the intense look in his eyes. "I don't want you to go on this next mission," he all but begged.

"I know," I said softly and looked away. John stepped closer. I'm not sure if he even realized.

"I've never-" he continued. "I don't-" he stopped and I watched as so many thoughts and feelings flitted across his face. He would have been an open book were it not for how quickly each expression came and went.

"I feel-" I held my breath as he stepped closer still, this time within reach. John glanced away and back again.

His expression was sincere and heartbreaking as he whispered, "I can't lose you too."

I stood and took his hand, "John," my voice was a caress, barely audible. "I can't promise that nothing will happen to me, but I can promise that, given the choice, I would stay by your side. Always." I squeezed his palm for emphasis.

He nodded as his gaze fell to our hands.

"My future is a large question mark. Brainwashing is unprecedented to say the least. This may be the last time I get to do anything. Surely you understand why I must do this."

"I understand," he said solemnly.

"And besides..." I released his hand to punch his shoulder lightly. It still hurt my fist. "One more adventure, for old-time's sake. Whaddya say?" I flashed a cheeky grin up at the Spartan. Chief simply nodded while a solid look of determination fell across his features once more.

Part of me was disappointed that Sierra 117 didn't whisk me away in an act of ardent passion. The realist in me knew that the stakes were too high; it was too much, too soon.

The war between heart and mind... Saffron's words from earlier drifted through my thoughts. John needed time.

And I will wait for him. Always.

-As it turns out anxiety and depression are not conducive to creativity.
-Thank you for the favorites and follows! Those notifications gave me the motivation to pick this back up despite how much I was dreading this chapter.