Title: "The Stillness Disintegration" - Chapter Four
Author's Note: I forgot to mention in my last chapter - thank you for all of the kind words about our house fire. I really appreciate it!
Early December 2016 - One week after the last chapter
Amy walked into the hotel where Penny's banquet was being held, the automatic doors parting for her as she entered. She glanced around, trying to figure out where she was supposed to go, but before she could figure it out, the concierge smiled at her and asked, "Are you here for the banquet?"
Amy nodded in appreciation. "Yes."
"Right this way," she said, and stepped out from behind the desk. She led Amy down the hall and through a door. She pointed about halfway down the hall and said, "You can drop your coat off there and the banquet is through those doors." Then she gestured to the end of the short hallway.
But Amy had frozen in her tracks. There, standing in front of the coat drop-off was Sheldon, who was handing his coat through what appeared to be an open window of sorts.
He glanced up at the noise and met her stare.
Amy's heart stopped in her chest, then started thundering out of control. The way he was looking at her— as if he could see right into her, see her heart squeezing rapidly in her chest, made her want to turn tail and run, but it would only serve to humiliate her at this point. There was no hiding her presence from him anymore.
She took a wobbly step forward, her eyes downcast as she made her way towards Sheldon, thinking about what Penny and Mabel had both said, about flirting with him or with another man. Both ideas made her stomach flip anxiously. All she wanted to do was have fun with her friends and survive the evening with an intact heart.
Amy suddenly realized in her shock at seeing him, that she had forgotten to thank the concierge and she turned to do so, but the woman was already gone. Amy swung back around, swallowing hard as she continued moving towards Sheldon.
"Good evening," he said softly as she approached, his face and voice serious.
Amy tipped her head nervously in acknowledgment. "Hello."
He stepped up behind her quickly and she jumped when she felt his hands land on her shoulders.
"Let me help you with this," he said, and began sliding the long black coat down her arms. Amy's breath hitched in her throat. He had never done that before, not even when they were together. Nerves twisted in her stomach.
Her dress was a dark, emerald green, made from a soft, slippery material, almost like silk. It had a sweetheart neckline and short, capped, flutter sleeves. It bunched in the front, at her waist, then fell in several swirly layers around her legs, ending mid-way down her calves.
She was showing much more skin than she was used to, at the behest of the girls, and as he drew her coat down, his fingers slid delicately down the soft, pale skin of her upper arms. It took everything in her power to suppress a shiver. She was suddenly chilly... everywhere except where his fingers had touched. The skin there burned with his warmth.
Sheldon cleared his throat and handed her coat to the bored looking young man behind the window. He handed a tag out to Amy and she took it with trembling fingers.
"Oh. Wait... My wrap." She looked at the coat, but didn't see it.
"Here," Sheldon murmured, and she turned, just in time to see him bend down behind her to pick up the lacy piece of black fabric that was lying in a puddle on the floor. He started moving back up, and Amy's cheeks burned when he was eye level with her bottom.
He finished his ascent and once again, his fingers slid against her skin as he carefully draped the wrap around her neck. The tingles he left in his wake zipped down her spine. The shiver was impossible to suppress this time, but it was so subtle that she hoped he hadn't noticed.
Before she could find out, the door at the other end of the hallway opened and Penny walked through it, her face lighting up when she saw them. "There you are!" She exclaimed and hurried over. She grinned slyly at them when she noticed the tension, but didn't comment on it.
Penny stopped directly in front of Amy and grabbed her hand. "Wow, Ames, you look amazing! I told you that dress was it, girl!"
Amy blushed. Penny and Bernadette had basically bullied her into buying it. The sheer lace wrap was her own addition, to help cover some skin. Still, she felt incredibly exposed in the dress, even though she had felt really pretty in it when she'd looked at herself in the mirror before she left.
Penny squealed when she looked down at Amy's feet. She was wearing a pair of black peep-toe high heels; taller than she was used to. It had brought her up even closer to Sheldon's face, she had noticed a few moments before. The girls had also picked the shoes... and insisted that she not wear hosiery.
"That is the perfect shade of nail polish," Penny praised her, as she ogled the dark purple polish on Amy's toes.
Sheldon cleared his throat awkwardly behind her. Amy turned suddenly at the noise only to find him staring at her feet. She could feel the blush creeping down her neck.
"I love your hair and your make-up," Penny continued to rave enthusiastically, bringing Amy's attention back to her. Amy had curled her hair in soft waves around her shoulders; a sparkly clip with purple beads held back the hair on the right side of her head. She had used purple eyeshadow, as well, and layered on more mascara than she usually did. Her lips were painted in a subtle, neutral shade. "Now if we could just get you to wear contacts," Penny teased.
Amy sighed. "Okay. I think you've gushed over my appearance enough." She rolled her eyes, feeling embarrassed and flattered all at the same time.
"I'm sorry, honey, it's just... you look incredible. I love when you take the time to get all gussied up. You really are gorgeous when you don't hide behind all those frumpy old lady clothes." Penny squeezed her hand before letting go. Amy rolled her eyes again.
Penny turned and grinned slyly at Sheldon. "You're looking pretty handsome yourself, Sheldon," Penny complimented him. Sheldon was wearing a slim fit black suit. She didn't comment on the purple colors swirling in his tie, but she took note of it with a gleeful twinkle in her eyes.
His cheeks pinked up. "Thank you, Penny." He turned to catch Amy's gaze then. "Penny's right. You really do look... nice," he murmured quietly to her.
She gulped and thought if she blushed anymore, her face might just spontaneously combust. Where is all of this coming from? He took my coat. He complimented my looks. Why couldn't he do this when we were together? She needed air. Her eyes met Penny's in a panic.
Penny clapped her hands together, noticing the anxious look Amy gave her. "Come on, let's get in there. You're the last two to arrive."
"Really?" Sheldon asked as he trailed behind Penny. "That's unusual. We are always prompt."
We, Amy thought, and her stomach soured. There is no we anymore. She bit the inside of her cheek hard as she followed the other two into the banquet hall, wondering why Sheldon hadn't arrived with the group.
"Well, Bernie and I, and the guys, got here a little early because she wanted to make sure everything was being done to her liking." Penny chuckled with a roll of her eyes. "And to claim the table she wanted. And Raj and his date showed up early, I think because Raj is just excited to have a date."
"Rajesh brought a date?" Amy asked, missing the look Sheldon gave her, his eyes scrunched together as his lips tipped down in a frown.
"Yeah, well, since Vanessa couldn't come, Raj asked if he could have the extra ticket." Penny shrugged. "I didn't care, I wasn't planning on inviting anyone else."
"Who did he bring?" Amy asked curiously.
"A woman he met at a coffee shop." Penny missed the quick glance that Sheldon and Amy exchanged. Amy blushed furiously again. God, this was a terrible idea, she thought. I can't do this.
"Her name is Annabelle. She's nice. Cute. I kinda like her," Penny continued on with a smile.
"That's great. I hope it works out," Amy replied, missing the slightly relieved look on Sheldon's face. Penny had turned around at that exact moment, though, and immediately noticed his expression. She bit her lip to suppress a grin.
They arrived at their table and greetings rang out. Amy had to tolerate another embarrassing round of gushing over her appearance from Bernadette. She thought her friends were laying it on a little thick. They were probably hoping it would force Sheldon to notice. Amy frowned at the thought. As if he would ever notice, she thought. She remembered his compliment back in the hallway. Okay, maybe he noticed, but he definitely doesn't care.
"Annabelle, these are my friends, Sheldon and Amy," Rajesh said when Bernadette finally quieted down.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper," Sheldon corrected and tipped his head in greeting.
"It's nice to meet you," Annabelle said with a smile.
Amy reached out to shake Annabelle's hand over the table. "Nice to meet you, too."
Her attention darted back to Sheldon when he turned and pulled out a chair for her.
She gulped, suddenly realizing there were only two empty seats at the table. One for her and one for Sheldon. And they were right next to each other. Once again, Amy looked at Penny with panic in her eyes.
Penny just shrugged apologetically and patted the chair that Sheldon had pulled out. Amy's shoulders drooped in defeat and she took a seat. Sheldon sat down next to her and started talking to Rajesh.
Amy sighed slightly in relief. She would just focus on Penny and that half of the table, and let Sheldon deal with the others.
They made small talk with the group and as each minute passed, Amy relaxed incrementally. Maybe she could do this. As long as she didn't look at or talk to him.
After several minutes, they turned their attention to the stage when Dan, the president of Zangen, took the microphone and started to speak. He thanked everyone for coming and went through his spiel about how well the company was doing and how many sales they'd made in the last year.
Amy zoned out a little, not at all interested in hearing him drone on about pharmaceutical sales. She adjusted her wrap around her shoulders, trying to cover a little more skin. She really was rather chilly without all of her usual layers.
"Now that everyone is here and settled in, we'll start with our catered dinner first," Dan said. "Awards will be presented after dinner. And then, the fun will begin! There will be more live music, alcohol and mingling, dancing and socializing." A cheer rang out through the crowd. "Have a good time!" Dan exclaimed.
Sheldon leaned against Amy's shoulder and whispered, "Sounds like my personal version of Hell."
She chortled unexpectedly and quickly raised her hand to cover her laughter. Sheldon grinned widely at her, clearly pleased with himself.
Penny and Bernadette noticed the exchange and looked at each other with wide eyes. Penny bit her lip to keep from smiling. Bernadette looked away, trying to act inconspicuous.
Amy noticed none of it. She was blushing again, under Sheldon's playful gaze. She still didn't know if they could be friends, but maybe, just maybe, she would survive this one evening of interaction.
Penny walked back to the table, plunking her award down next to her half empty plate. "Damn, that thing is heavy!" She said quietly, as awards were still being handed out.
Bernadette chuckled and they all turned to look at her. "Wellll, that might have been my idea."
"What was your idea?" Penny asked, taking her seat again.
"That big hunk of glass is expensive, so I suggested that they fill the base with weights and use cheap, hard plastic instead." She arched a brow proudly. "Worked like a charm! And saved the company a couple thousand dollars."
"Why do I find your evil, calculating brain so damn sexy?" Howard asked, leaning into his heavily pregnant wife and pressing his lips to her cheek, making her giggle.
"I'm so glad this award is so special," Penny complained under her breath.
"Oh, hush!" Bernadette leaned forward. "We all know the cash bonus is all you care about."
Penny shrugged and looked at Leonard. "She has a point."
They all chuckled and watched Leonard wrap his arm around Penny's shoulder and press a quick kiss to her cheek. "Regardless of the prize, I'm proud of you."
"Aw, thanks, Sweetie." Penny reached up to pat his cheek and press a soft kiss to his lips.
Awkwardly, Amy averted her gaze, only to see that Rajesh was talking quietly with Annabelle and the Wolowitzes were cuddled up together again.
Sheldon cleared his throat and Amy glanced at him quickly, then looked away again.
"How's your paper coming?" Sheldon finally asked.
"Oh, um..." Amy turned towards him slightly. "Actually, I, uh, am stuck... on it. I can't seem to turn the idea in my head into words on the page." She shrugged in self-deprecation. "It's been rather distracting, actually." She didn't tell him that she had been so distracted over the last couple weeks that she hadn't been able to focus enough to write well.
"Can I help?" Sheldon asked.
Amy blinked at him in surprise.
"Tell me what you've got so far and what you're stuck on and maybe we can work out the kinks," he offered.
"I... Okay." Amy shrugged. What did she have to lose? He was the smartest person she knew and even if he wasn't well-versed in the world of neurobiology, he was much more knowledgeable than the average layperson.
She ran through the paper in more detail than she'd given him before at the coffee shop. He listened intently and asked her questions that made her think. For several moments, Amy forgot where she was and the status of their relationship. She got lost in him and the conversation. Like old times.
She was pulled out of their discussion when Howard asked Bernadette to dance with him. She huffed and said, "You'll have to roll me out there like a beach ball."
Howard waved his hand as he stood. "I had a lot of practice with Ma and she was a jumbo sized beach ball. I've got this," he said, and reached for Bernadette's hands to haul her up and out of her seat carefully.
"I suppose I should dance with my sweetie pie one more time before this baby gets here," she said and patted his cheek gently, before waddling slowly after him to the dance floor.
The table was empty except for the pair of them. Amy's stomach twisted with nerves. How did she miss Penny, Leonard, Rajesh, and Annabelle leaving? She glanced around the large banquet room and saw Penny and Leonard already out on the dance floor, swaying to a slow song. Raj and Annabelle were at the bar.
She swallowed hard and turned back to Sheldon. "Um, so... thanks for talking that over with me." She made herself smile at him. "That was actually very helpful. I think I'll be able to finish the paper now."
"Good," he murmured quietly and held her gaze unwaveringly. It unnerved her. "Would you like to dance?"
Amy coughed in surprise. "With you?" She asked stupidly.
He shrugged and nodded. "Yes."
"Oh. Um, Sheldon, that's not a good idea."
"Let me guess... Vanessa?" He asked, his voice sounding slightly annoyed. He looked out over the crowd, avoiding her gaze.
Amy's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "Well, yeah. It would be in poor taste to dance with your ex while your girlfriend is out of town."
"Poor taste," Sheldon muttered. "We don't know anyone here, except our friends. Who are you worried will see us? And why is it in poor taste? Who came up with all of these stupid rules and why do people follow them, anyway?" He scowled. "It's only in poor taste if we have the wrong intentions."
Amy stared at him, wide eyed. It seemed like a very strange hill for him to die on. He usually found dancing to be a waste of time. She'd have thought he would much rather sit here and talk about science.
"Okay," she said, then nearly covered her mouth in shock. Did I just agree to dance with him? She wondered, surprised at herself.
"Okay?" He asked, his eyebrows raising simultaneously as he turned back to look at her. "You'll dance... with me?"
"Um. We shouldn't... I..." She stopped when she saw the anger and hurt in his eyes. "Okay. Yeah. Sure, let's dance." She felt like a crazy person, like she was being driven in two directions at the exact same time.
What the hell is wrong with you?! She screamed at herself in her head. The last time they had danced had been prom. It was already painful to think about that wonderful night, without being held in his arms again, and yet… she had agreed to it. Stupid.
Sheldon sighed and sat back in his chair. "It's okay. We don't have to." He looked away from her again, staring off into space, pretending to people watch. But she knew better.
"Sheldon—"
"Don't worry about it, Amy." He waved his hand dismissively. "It was stupid of me to ask."
Amy pushed her chair back and stood up, her heart pounding rapidly. He turned to look at her.
"There's nothing stupid about you," she said quietly. "Come on." She gestured to the dance floor.
He smiled and stood up, following closely behind her. When they made it to the dance floor, they shared an awkward moment of trying to figure out where to put their hands and how to hold each other. Every position felt too intimate to Amy. It took a minute, but they finally figured it out.— Sheldon loosely held her swaying hips and her hands rested on his upper arms. There was several inches of space between them.
They were so caught up in the awkwardness between them that they didn't see Bernadette dance-pull Howard over to Penny and Leonard at a speed that was surprising for such a heavily pregnant woman. She slapped Penny repeatedly on the shoulder, gesturing wildly towards Amy and Sheldon, even as Penny yelped in pain.
Penny spotted Sheldon and Amy and her jaw dropped, her pain quickly forgotten.
"Move closer," Bernadette hissed, and the four of them awkwardly shuffle danced closer to Sheldon and Amy.
The two of them were oblivious, too caught up in each other to notice their friends.
"You know what this reminds me of?" Sheldon asked, smiling softly at Amy with affection in his eyes.
Amy closed her eyes momentarily. Please don't say it, please don't say it, she begged silently.
"Prom."
Her heart clenched in pain. He said it.
"Yeah," she whispered in response. It was all she could manage to get passed the lump in her throat. She blinked rapidly and tried to steady her breathing. It was difficult to do, being so close to him, especially while thinking about how much closer they had danced during prom.
"That was a good night," Sheldon murmured quietly, leaning a little closer to her. His grip on her waist tightened ever so slightly. Amy felt a painful spasm in her chest. She ducked her head down, unknowingly moving closer to him. All she could do was nod.
His thumb rubbed gently against her left side and her breath hitched in her chest. God, she wanted to give in so much, just lean into him and rest. She was so tired and he was so warm and smelled so good. Her fingers tightened on the fabric of his suit as she fought herself, desperately trying to hold herself back.
Thankfully, he spoke, pulling her out of her internal battle with herself.
"You know... I told myself that if I had another chance to speak to you privately, I would ask you some questions that I've been... curious about over the past year," Sheldon murmured, apparently not noticing her discomfort.
Amy swallowed nervously. She didn't like where this was going. "Oh?" She tried to appear nonplussed, but her pulse raced.
"Would it be okay if I asked them?"
Amy sighed. "Sheldon..." She met his gaze, allowing herself to search his eyes deeply. She was so tired of fighting, of denying him these requests, denying herself what she wanted.
She closed her eyes briefly, tipping her head down as she lost the battle.
"Go ahead," she murmured.
Sheldon didn't need to be told twice. He jumped in with both feet before she could change her mind. "Did you leave Caltech because of me?"
Amy took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "No, not exactly." She licked her lips and trembled when she saw Sheldon's gaze drop to her mouth. She pushed on. "I came to Caltech because of you. So we could see each other more often, eat lunch together. I went back to UCLA, because my project was nearly over at Caltech and I... well, there was no reason for UCLA to lend me out to Caltech anymore."
"Oh." He paused, contemplating that. "Then why did you move apartments?"
Amy sighed again. "I wanted to move before... when we were still together. Just to a bigger, nicer apartment. My income had increased and I could afford it."
"Why did you never mention it?"
Amy shrugged. "I don't know... I guess because I liked the location, in relation to your apartment. It was close and there was a bus stop nearby— it made it easier for you to come visit me and vice versa." She purposefully failed to mention that she had always been hopeful they would eventually move in together.
"After we broke up and I went back to UCLA, it just made sense to move closer to work. I didn't need to be close... to you— to your apartment anymore." She barreled on, hoping to gloss over that last part. "I had planned to move even closer to UCLA but ended up falling in love with my current apartment."
"I see." Sheldon nodded. "So... you weren't trying to get away from me?"
Amy blushed. "I... well, no. I mean, not directly," she lied. "I just didn't have a reason to... stay... anymore. At Caltech or my apartment." Her voice was quiet, a near whisper.
"Hmm."
His gaze was penetrating. She tried desperately not to squirm under his scrutiny. He was usually terrible at figuring out when people were lying. Maybe he had gotten better about that over the last year.
She sort of hoped not.
"At the coffee shop, I told you I consider you to be my friend." He paused, swallowing nervously. "Do you consider me a friend?"
Amy winced and closed her eyes in defeat. "Sheldon... why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?" He asked obliviously.
"Torturing me, yourself... us... with these questions. Can't we just... move on?"
"Have you?"
She blinked up at him as her stomach plummeted. "What?"
"Moved on?"
Amy swallowed hard. She had walked right into that one. She chose to answer his first question instead. It felt safer. "I don't know if you're my friend, Sheldon. At least, not in the typical sense. We don't... hang out. We don't text or call each other just to talk. We don't see each other often... well, except recently. However... I care about your well-being. I hope that... that you're happy. I hope you live a good life. But I don't know that I can be... friends with you."
"Why not?"
"Because it hurts, Sheldon!" She blurted out. Then she rolled her eyes, annoyed with herself, especially when she felt the sting of tears gathering there. This was not good— she was revealing way too much of herself to him.
His hands tightened on her waist and he pulled her half an inch closer.
"Why?"
Amy groaned in aggravation. Why is he doing this? Why is he pushing so hard on all of this?
"Because I thought… we had a future together," she murmured truthfully. She couldn't help herself. "And being around you now, just… reminds me that... we don't." Her voice trailed off on a whisper.
"I'm going to ask you another question and I believe it will probably upset you, but I want you to know, that's not my intention. I just... want to understand."
Amy sighed and leaned her head forward again. Her hair fell from behind her ear and brushed against his chest. She realized then how close they were now standing... dancing? She didn't even know what song was playing anymore.
"Go on," she murmured.
"If you thought we had a future together, why did you leave me?"
Amy looked up at his solemn face and it made her want to cry. He wasn't being an ass; he actually wanted to know. And suddenly, she realized she'd never really given him a good answer. Maybe it would help. Maybe it would bring them both some closure.
She took a deep breath and made the leap. "Sometimes, I felt like... an afterthought to you. You left on a train without telling me or saying goodbye. You wanted to move to Mars without telling me. You couldn't focus on me while we kissed on our anniversary. I just... needed some time to figure out if our relationship was... good for me."
"And you determined that it wasn't," he stated, rather than asked.
The pain on his face had her heart aching in her chest. "Well, not exactly... You didn't really give me the chance, Sheldon. You did what you always do and..." She trailed off. It was pointless to lay blame now. "It doesn't matter. It was over a year ago and you have another girlfriend now." She pulled back slightly, putting some distance between them again, her resolve returning as she thought of the tall, beautiful blonde. "Speaking of Vanessa, does she even know I'm here?"
Sheldon swallowed quickly and looked away. "I… didn't mention it."
Amy chuckled darkly. "So, you didn't lie to her... but you weren't truthful with her, either. Sounds like not much has changed." She started to pull away, needing to get herself out of this insane situation, but Sheldon tightened his grip on her hips.
"What did you mean when you told Vanessa she was lucky to have me?" He asked quickly. "At the bookstore," he added, as if she could forget.
Amy took a deep, shuddering breath, before slowly exhaling into the space between them. "You're a good man, Sheldon. Any woman would be lucky to date you."
"Just not you," he whispered, searching her eyes for an answer.
Amy looked away from his intense gaze, her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't stop them this time. She bit her lip, trying to push them back, but Sheldon reached up and tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him. His brows creased in concern when he saw her tears.
"Amy—"
"Please excuse me, Sheldon." She pulled away quickly, before he could grasp her tighter. The loss of his warmth made her feel empty inside. She gestured towards the stage. "The song is over."
A fast song was playing now and the crowd was dancing, drinks in hand. Amy swallowed thickly as she scurried away from Sheldon. She hadn't even noticed the change in music. They must have looked ridiculous slow dancing while everyone else was 'getting down' around them.
She frantically searched the room for Penny, relieved when she found her back at their table with Bernadette. The two women looked away quickly, as if they had been watching her. Amy ignored it, rushing over and leaning down between them.
"Thank you so much for inviting me tonight." Amy forced a strained smile. "I had a really nice time, but I have to go now. I have a paper to finish," she lied.
Penny pushed back in her seat and grasped Amy's hand.
"Ames, are you okay? Did you guys fight?"
Amy swallowed the lump in her throat, unable to do anything about the tears burning her eyes. "I'm fine. Congratulations on your award. I'm so proud of you." She gave Penny a quick, one armed hug, then grabbed her coat ticket off the table.
She glanced out to the dance floor to see that Leonard and Howard had accosted Sheldon. Good. He won't follow me, she thought.
She looked back at her friends one more time. "Have fun tonight. Bye."
Then she turned and hurried towards the exit, not bothering to wait on their response.
She needed air. She couldn't breathe. Stupid. I am so stupid. Why did I ever think this would be a good idea? She wondered.
She gathered her coat from the attendant, all the while hoping it would be a long time before she saw Sheldon again. She couldn't do it anymore. It was too hard and it hurt too much.
Amy rubbed her aching sternum with the palm of her hand as she hurried out of the building, desperate for the safety of her own apartment.
Amy walked into her apartment, flipping on the light inside the door. She shrugged out of her jacket and wrap and headed straight for her bedroom, carrying both.
"Hey Murph," she murmured as the cat twirled around her ankles.
She tossed her coat, wrap, and hand bag on the bed, and kicked out of her high heels. Then she bent down and picked Murphy up, holding him against her chest. He rubbed his cheek against hers and she smiled slightly, even as a shuddering breath escaped through her lips.
"Oh, Murphy, why did I do that to myself?" She blinked and a solitary tear slid down her cheek. She rubbed it away into his fur. "It was just as awful as I thought it would be."
She cuddled him for a moment, before placing him onto her bed. She didn't want to ruin her dress. Then she sighed heavily and made her way to the bathroom to remove her hair clip, jewelry, and makeup. She avoided her own gaze in the mirror. She just wanted to go to sleep and forget this night had ever happened.
Amy headed back into her bedroom to change into a nightgown when a knock sounded at her front door. Her heart skipped a beat in surprise and she froze, holding her breath, hoping that if she was quiet enough, whoever it was would go away.
But the knocking didn't stop.
It has to be Penny, she thought. No would else would come after me.
Amy sighed and walked to the door, creeping as quietly as she could in hopes that Penny would eventually give up and leave. Silently, she pressed her palms against the door and stood on her tip-toes to look out the peephole. Her heart caught in her throat when she saw Sheldon staring back at her.
She gasped loudly and dropped back onto her bare feet, quickly covering her mouth in surprise.
Another knock rang out, but this time, there was a pattern to it. Three knocks, then, "Amy." He did it again and then once more, quietly. She was reminded of the time he had come to her apartment with Penny's red bra and tricked her by not doing his signature knock. At least this time she had remembered to check the peephole first.
"I know you're there," he said through the door. "I can hear you."
Damn his Vulcan hearing, she thought, and her brows drew tightly together as she closed her eyes and silently cursed her best friend. Penny must have told him where she lived.
Amy didn't move, still hoping he would go away.
She heard him sigh on the other side of the door, followed by a slight thump. She couldn't help herself— she looked through the peephole again and saw that he had leaned against the door. All she could see was the side of his neck and cheek.
"Amy, please open the door. I don't want to disturb your neighbors." A pause. "There's one more thing I need to know," he said. "Then I'll leave you alone. I promise."
Amy frowned and leaned her forehead against the door, debating with herself. She knew if she ignored him, eventually he would give up and go away. But something ached inside of her, telling her that she just needed to finish this— get it over with, so she could finally move on with her life. And if it didn't work, well, she was definitely buying a potato farm.
She reached up and slowly unlocked the door, giving him time to move back. When she opened the door, they stared at each other for a few moments before Amy tilted her head and asked tiredly, "Why are you here?"
"Can I come in?" Sheldon asked instead of answering her.
"Haven't you tortured me enough?" She muttered haughtily.
He frowned, his brows drawing together. He was getting ready to reply when he stopped suddenly and looked down at his feet. Murphy had slipped through the door opening and was winding himself around Sheldon's legs.
Sheldon looked up, his eyes wide and surprised and full of glee. "When did you get a cat?" He asked with a smile. He bent down quickly, his knees cracking, so he could pet the fluffy cat.
Murphy rubbed against him happily and immediately started purring up a storm, pleased with the attention.
Amy scoffed. "Traitor," she muttered, but she stepped back, opening the door wider.
Sheldon picked Murphy up, then stood, and Amy watched with a constricted heart as the pair of them bonded.
"What's his name?" Sheldon asked.
"His name is Murphy."
"When did you get him?" Sheldon asked as he scratched the cat under his chin.
"Back in early spring," Amy replied. "Come on in."
Sheldon took a few steps forward and Amy shut the door behind them.
"Did you name him?"
"No. Mabel did."
"Who's Mabel?"
Amy sighed and rolled her eyes. "His previous owner. She's in her eighties. She fell and broke her hip and had to give him up. Luckily, I was able to rescue him, and now we stay in touch. She's become… a good friend," Amy said with an affectionate smile on her face.
"He's zazzy," Sheldon said with a smirk, then bent at the waist to gently place the cat back on the floor. Murphy sauntered off towards the kitchen, the tip of his tail flicking behind him.
Traitor, Amy thought again, silently this time. She sighed and looked back at Sheldon. "I would invite you in to sit down, but… to be honest, I'm not feeling very hospitable at the moment." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm exhausted, so let's get this over with, shall we?"
Sheldon frowned, but said, "Fine."
"You said there's just one more thing you need to know…" She raised an eyebrow at him.
He nodded and she watched as his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "You didn't answer me before."
"What? When?"
"Have you moved on?" He asked quietly, staring directly into her eyes.
Her stomach bottomed out. "Sheldon—"
He barreled on. "You said you can't be friends with me because it hurts. You told Vanessa that she was lucky to have me. And at the coffee shop, you said you are painfully aware of how 'all of this' is your fault."
Amy swallowed nervously and simply replied, "Yes."
He took a step closer to her. She trembled, struggling to hold her ground.
"Do you understand why I am confused, Amy?" He asked softly. "You know I don't always understand social interactions and you're giving me clues that seem inconsistent with someone who has moved on." Another step closer. "If you had moved on, gotten over me, you shouldn't have a problem being my friend." Another step. "You think Vanessa is lucky to have me." Step. "You think you're at fault for all of this." He gestured between them. "And it's painful."
A final step and he was standing directly in front of her. She could feel the warmth radiating from him. Why does he have to look so sexy in that suit? She wondered, feeling lightheaded.
He brought his hands up to cup her shoulders. She felt so small next to him without her shoes. Her painted toes curled into the carpet.
"I'll ask you again... Have you moved on?" He asked, his thumbs stroking over the bare skin between her neck and shoulders. She couldn't suppress a shudder.
"Does it matter?" She asked quietly, her throat tight with emotion.
"It does to me," he said, his voice low and husky.
"You're in a relationship, Sheldon," she murmured tiredly.
"Have you gotten over me, Amy?" He asked again and then reached up and cupped her face in both of his big, warm hands.
Amy closed her eyes, unable to look at him as she debated with herself. Maybe Penny was right. Maybe she should just tell him how she felt and let the chips fall where they may.
When she opened her eyes, they were wet, and her chin was trembling. "No," she finally whispered, her voice almost nonexistent.
Sheldon's breath hitched and his shoulders drooped slightly. His eyes fell closed and relief washed over his face. Amy stared at him in confusion, her heart thundering out of her chest.
He opened his eyes again, a small smile on his lips and his hands tighter on her face. "If I had given you space and time last year, would things be different now? Would you have come back to me?"
"I... I don't know, Sheldon," Amy whispered and her hands came up to wrap around his forearms. "But... I..." She swallowed hard. "I never wanted this." Her voice wavered. "It was never my intention to break up with you." The fact that he was so close, touching her so intimately, planted a tiny seed of hope in her heart. "And I... was planning on talking to you about possibly getting back together, but... then I found out about Vanessa," she admitted nervously.
Sheldon's eyes closed and he leaned in closer to her. He shook his head self-deprecatingly. "We've really managed to screw this all up, haven't we?"
Amy didn't respond. She didn't know what to say. She was still trying to interpret the meaning behind his words.
And then, Sheldon was tipping her head down and kissing her forehead softly, just a brief whisper of his lips on her skin. He released her and stepped back.
"I have to go now," he said quietly. "I have some things to take care of."
"Oh. Okay," Amy replied, still as confused as ever. What is happening? She wondered. This doesn't feel like closure.
"Can I... can I come back and see you tomorrow?"
Amy's heart skipped a beat. "I... I don't understand," Amy murmured.
"I'd like to talk some more, but I have to go now. Will you let me come see you?"
"Um... sure?"
He nodded. "I don't know what time it will be. I'll text you and let you know."
"Okay..."
He smiled softly and she felt warmth flow through her. He opened the door to her apartment, but stopped, turning back to her.
"Amy?"
"Yeah?"
"That dress... it really does suit you," he said, eyeing her up and down appreciatively.
Amy looked down and blushed furiously, shocked by his compliment and blatant ogling of her. When she looked back up, he gave her a crooked smile, then exited the apartment, pulling the door closed behind him.
Amy let out a shuddering breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and walked blindly over to her couch, sitting down automatically. She pressed a hand to her chest. Her heart was still beating wildly out of control.
What in the hell just happened?
End Note: I apologize if Sheldon has ever helped Amy take off her coat and I forgot about it. Lol. I couldn't think of a time right off the top of my head and figured that would be a hard one to Google, so I just went with it.
Also— Dan from Zangen— I got that info from the TBBT Wiki and it says he's the president or director, so that's what I went with.
Please forgive me for calling Howard & Bernadette the "Wolowitzes." I really didn't want to take the time to figure out how to hyphenate and pluralize two names. Lol!
Also, I hope you enjoyed those little humorous moments I threw in there. It felt very much like an actual episode of the show. I had fun with that!