The second the Hogwarts express arrived with a gentle jolt at Hogsmeade station, Lily was out of the carriage and marching towards the waiting carts. Instantly a pink flush appeared in her cheeks as the January wind stung her skin and made her nose and eyes water. Despite this, she breathed a huge sigh, she could relax and be herself again. She had nobody to hide from here, no one who she needed to please and best of all, she could use magic again. She was lucky enough that the four marauders had filled a carriage of their own so she watched their heads bob into the distance. She almost thought that she would be lucky enough to have a solitary journey back to the castle. She was watching the stars wink knowingly down, seeing their magic, even though she knew it was the same night sky that she had looked at the night before. Both worlds seemed complete lifetimes away from each other.
Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted as her carriage wobbled and a figure stepped on. She barely had to look as she watched the moonlight reflect brightly off the surface of Severus Snape's head. He didn't make eye contact but he allowed himself to be pleased that he had won his captive audience. They hadn't really spoken much during the holidays. Lily told herself it was because she was busy, but if she was being honest with herself that wasn't really it. She was beginning to see the bitter, Slytherin change in Snape more than ever before.
Even before they spoke, she could see, by the way his eyes darted about the ground, how he hung his head uncomfortably low and the premature crease between his eyebrows from constant scowling, that he wanted her to ask him what was wrong. He wanted her to fawn over him, to desperately try and make him happy, perhaps the way she does for Lupin, she wondered.
Instead, she ignored his body language and led with a false cheery tone, already annoyed that he was likely to bring her excitement down, "Nice Christmas?" she asked.
"It was ok, we had a few family over. The Christmas dinner was nice." His answer was short and this annoyed her. Like he was determined to be miserable. Perhaps if he spent some time with more positive influences he would be happier- rather than the horrid Slytherin bunch, they can't be pleasant company. Maybe Snape was becoming more aware of her concern with his friendships.
"Well, Tuney might actually not be as mad as I thought!" Lily began cheerfully, not waiting for Snape to ask her. "Turns out she reads my letters, sometimes. She even played some games with me on Christmas day, though Dad had to make her…" Lily flicked her hair over her shoulder, annoyed at the strands being blown into her eyes and mouth. "I'm excited to be back though. Christmas at home is not quite like the summer, we don't seem to talk as much." She glanced up at Snape and watch his dark eyes flicker to meet hers.
"It's not so easy to talk to you at all at the minute. With Potter swanning around your ankles, trying to coax you over to the dark side…" Snape muttered bitterly. Lily paused and let a jolt of anger pass before she responded. She cared about Snape and didn't want this current coldness linger any longer.
"Perhaps the 'dark side' is a poor choice of words given last term," Lily warned, a hint of a joke in her throat but the warning glint in her eye told Severus what he needed to know. "We should make more of an effort though Sev," she nudged his leg with her foot, "I hate that we don't see each other very often."
Snape didn't try hard to stop the smile returning. His mouth stretched, his forehead dint smoothed and he instantly grew younger in front of her. Already he sat straighter and he felt warmer and more familiar to talk to. "Next Hogsmeade trip, we'll get some butterbeer."
"Maybe when you're in the library next, you can help me with potions?" Lily kept her tone light, she didn't really need help but she wanted to give Snape something to be cheerful about.
"Sure!" he agreed brightly. As the horizon revealed the silhouette of the castle's turrets, the two friends happily chatted away, forgetting the bitterness of the previous term.
It was late by the time they had made it back to the castle, there was enough time for a quick snack before the students were ushered to their common rooms. When the Fat Lady finished her warble, she elbowed her way through towards the front of her line, grimacing past first years and ensuring that Sirius and James got a particularly sharp jab on her way past them. In her tired state, Lily hardly paid attention to who she was contacting, she just wanted to get into her room and find her friends.
"Hey! Watch it!" Lily found herself at the receiving end of an elbow much stronger, and much angrier than hers.
"Well, get a move on then! It's freezing out-" Lily stopped as her peripheral vision revealed that this particular Gryffindor was not one to pick a fight with. Dorcas had already lifted her shoulders in irritation and was fully prepared to launch her down the moving staircase when a muffled snort escaped Lily as she stifled a laugh.
"Evans, I don't think you want to try it with me right now… I have spent 3 hours on a dusty train in a carriage full of already homesick first years. I mean how can you be homesick when you only just left?-" Lily interrupted her before she had the chance to go into a full blown rant.
"I concede! Dorcas!" She laughed as the two of them bustled through the portrait hole.
Gryffindor common room was practically aglow. The golden drapes and red rugs, lined with mustard tassels; the maroon sofas and cushions with cheerful yellow throws; and the low candle light bounced off the lion tapestries that lined the stone walls, all met together to create a orange glow of homeliness and warmth. Lily smiled peacefully and hauled her weary body up the stone steps towards her dormitory. When they had made it to the top of the spiral staircase, Mary and Alice were already there and were chatting away happily as they flicked their wands and unpacked their bags. They too, seemed relieved to be able to use magic again to complete simple tasks by themselves.
Lily grunted as she lifted her trunk onto her bed and opened the latch. She pictured the words wingardium leviosa as she moved her wand, watching shirts fold themselves and float into the open wardrobe, shoes pair themselves and tuck neatly under the bed, and her satchel neatly hang itself on the end of her bed frame.
Once the evening had settled down, the four of them huddled on Lily's bed, listening to the gentle pattering of rain outside and caught up with their holidays. "I will not be watching the Quidditch game tomorrow if this keeps up," Mary declared gloomily, "I don't even care if Sirius looks really elegant on a broom,"
"Keep it together," Dorcas warned, briefly catching Alice's eyes before making a silent gagging movement. "We've already lost one to the boys, let's not lose another."
"Lost who?" Lily's voice came out high, annoyed at the accusations that she knew were heading her way.
"I saw Potter handing you a Christmas present." Alice grinned mischievously, "And I know you liked it. You smiled. And hugged. You like him."
"Oh come off it Alice!" Lily grimaced, instantly her stomach beginning to bubble with anger, or nerves at the topic maybe, it was becoming harder for Lily to determine between the two.
"No, she's right! No use in hiding!" Mary piped up, eager to move the attention away from her current fascination with Sirius Black. "You've been flirting with him all term we've all seen the way he talks to you. And you don't hate it when he looks at you. One might even go as far as to say you like him."
Regardless of how true the implications might have been, the idea of admitting any of this aloud, or even to herself felt completely repulsive. She was ashamed of any time she had spent with him. Potter had aggravated her for years and she knew better than to take any of his antics to heart. Not to mention, she was terrified of what it would mean of her reputation amongst the teachers in school if she began associating herself regularly with Potter. "He's persistent. That's all." She responded bluntly, "Just because I entertain his ridiculous ideas and stupid advances once in a while, that does not mean I have any intention of reciprocating. He's a stupid little boy."
The words felt wrong coming out of her mouth. She felt guilty saying such horrid things when James had been so nice. It only took her five seconds to remember the time he once hexed her chair to become completely stationary in a transfiguration lesson so that she couldn't get out of her seat, to remember why she found him so disagreeable in the first place.
As predicted, the rain that had poured the night before was still hammering down on the window panes the following morning. The girls awoke to the sound of thousands of tiny drumkits banging on the roof of Gryffindor tower. Unsurprisingly, Mary was awake, already assembling her fourth layer of thermal insulation, Lily rolled and through her blurry eyes could see two people shaped blankets still rolled up in the four-poster bed.
"What time is it?" Lily's voice was hoarse.
"Nearly 8am. I'm heading down for an early breakfast so I can wish the players good luck before we watch them later." Mary responded with the energy of someone who had been up for hours.
"Um… I'm sorry…. Watch?" Dorcas made her presence known, though it wasn't a particularly cheery one.
"Um… I'm sorry… Yeah. Ravenclaw were brutal against Hufflepuff last term. There's no way I'm missing it." Mary defended herself and began to find hats and gloves for her fellow roommates.
A high-pitched, mimicking whine came from Alice's direction, "I won't go out tomorrow if it rains like this." She dropped her tone, "Yeah. Right. Tell me who won when it's over."
"Bye Mary!" They all sung in unison.
"Don't you want to see what happens when Potter goes against that new Ravenclaw seeker. He's about twice Potter's size. He had what's-er-face from Hufflepuff on the floor before the snitch had even been sighted. He'll be on the floor before the whistle goes…. Humiliated…" Lily heard a shuffle on her right, "Coated in mud…" the rustling became louder, followed by several thuds, "his pride… gone." The rustling was followed by grunts and louder banging. Mary continued, "Embarrassed."
"He'll be DEVASTATED." Lily opened her eyes and saw Dorcas, fully clothed. Her coat was on, with the buttons all mis matched, her scarf had whipped half of her hair across her face and her hat was lopsided. She was grinning and breathless. "Let's go!" She whispered excitedly.
"You are weak Dorcas," Lily pulled the duvet tighter over her head. After the conversation from the previous night she wanted to avoid any interaction with the boys that could imply any further feelings. Her stomach twisted at the thought of her being excited to see him and she felt sick at what this might mean. She wanted to hate him. That was far easier and distance would save that.
"You are weaker. Up you get lovebird. Perhaps seeing him coated in mud and prideless will cure you. Plus I know you'll want to see the other two regardless." A weight landed on her bed, that she assumed was her coat and before she was given any further opportunity to think, her feet were subconsciously dragging the rest of her body out of bed and downstairs to the great hall. She convinced herself that an opportunity to laugh at him and not with him will cure her of whatever illness she had caught.