Mrs. Ardlay's memories

Chapter 1

Remembering the past

England, 1934

From her room, Candy listened as the grandfather clock struck for the last time, announcing early afternoon. Sitting in front of the bureau, she turned around to look at the whole room.

It was well known that she still lived surrounded by luxuries (not that she cared about them), although she couldn't deny that the financial situation of the family had been affected by the crisis of '29. Even before that, many changes had happened in the family. In their case, they had left America, and with that they had left behind beloved places and memories. Reflecting upon this, a nostalgic sigh escaped her as she remembered two places in particular and without intending it, she suddenly found herself whispering a name: "Lakewood..."

Yes, Lakewood; the place where she lived in her early adolescence, the place where she forged strong friendships. It was located a few hours away from where her foster mothers continued to run Pony's Home. It was a place that had brought her the sweetest moments as well as sad memories.

Of course, she thought, we must have both to be able to appreciate what life gives us.

It was precisely in a moment of bitterness and infinite sadness, while she still lived in the orphanage, when the one whom she loved as a sister sent her a letter asking her not to write to her again. Initially she had received the letter overwhelmed with joy, and, before her astonished mothers, she ran out of the building to read it. As she was reading line after line, she felt that her heart would explode if she didn't bring out what had been accumulating inside. So she ran at full speed towards Pony's Hill, looking for a place where she could pour out her heart freely. And it was right there where she met Prince on the Hill.

Candy smiled at that memory and as she began to evoke that precious moment, she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," she answered.

A woman about thirty years old, formally dressed, entered the room.

"Mrs. Candice, I just came to inform you that little Emma is already

taking her nap and Masters Tony and Eddie are with Mr. Carrington

for their afternoon lesson." She paused and then she added: "I came

to ask you if you needed anything."

The nanny stood in front of her, waiting for her answer.

"No, thank you, Lydia. You are very kind," she replied, slightly shaking her head and giving her a warm look.

"Allow me then, Mrs. Candice."

After making a slight bow, she turned and was about to leave through the door, when she heard her employer's voice behind her.

"Lydia, wait a moment," she heard the kind lady say, and she walked towards her again. "I'll be in the living room, if anything is needed."

Nodding and making another bow, the woman proceeded to leave the room, closing the door behind her.

Candy turned on her chair so as to be again in front of the bureau and picked up the thread of her thoughts. Thinking about the past brought other memories to her mind; her childhood at Pony's Home, the time she had spent with the Leagans, her adoption by the Ardlay family, the first time she had gone to London.

After she left St. Paul's College, during her returning trip to America, she met a lot of people and received help from all of them. So the accumulation of the experiences she lived helped her to understand what she wanted to do with her life. It was true that her impetuous return might have been defined as imprudent, but as Miss Pony had once told her, if she persevered, kept her heart pure and had convictions, the road would open before her.

Unconsciously, still immersed in her memories, Candy turned her head and looked at her wardrobe. A moment later she stood up and walked towards it. From the bottom of the wardrobe she took an object that was inside. It shone under the reflections of the first rays of the afternoon sun that entered the room and Candy looked at it lovingly. She closed the wardrobe and turning again, she advanced towards the door.

Thoughtfully, she began to slowly descend the stairs holding the railing with one hand. Arriving downstairs, without hurrying her steps, she walked down a corridor that led her to her destination. She stopped for a moment at the entrance of the room, looking at it from the outside. Then she entered the living room, delicately put the object on her private writing desk and her gaze began to traverse the room slowly.

Then suddenly the memories of Lakewood came back to her mind. This room was special to both of them since it reminded them of the solarium of that mansion, that place which had witnessed crucial moments between them. At the end of the room there was a large window with French doors that led to a wide terrace, and underneath that terrace there was a relatively big garden overlooking the river. To her right there was a sideboard, and over it there was a picture hanging, in such a way that it could be seen from anywhere in the room, just as he had intended. Candy stood in front of the picture as she always did, looking at it intensely. On the opposite wall, there was an elegant wooden door which connected the living room with the adjoining room, used as a study. Both of them had loved that detail, since whenever he had to work at home she could be nearby with the children in the room next door.

She walked towards the study, feeling the need to enter that place; she needed to feel surrounded by his presence. The room was exquisitely decorated, elegant, while still transmitting his characteristic masculine touch. His fragrance of wood and sandalwood was slightly impregnated in the atmosphere. A large ebony desk, finely carved, was at the end of the room, close to a large window with the same view as the living room. Next to one of the walls there was a bookcase with a compilation of all Shakespeare's works, books of English and French literature, as well as books of medicine among many others; each and every one of them bound in leather, as was customary. In one of the corners of the room, small framed photographs hung on the wall instead of portraits. Candy approached them in order to observe them. They were family photographs, but there was one of them which possibly had a special value, and in which appeared all the members of the Ardlays, of the Leagans and the employees of both families. What made it special wasn't only the fact that they were all portrayed there; it was also the memory of the time when she had guessed he had started getting a position for her in the family, and she had suddenly found herself being invited to that distinguished party. The photograph was taken at the grand opening of Miami Resort Inn, the most luxurious hotel in the hotel chain of the Leagans. However, she couldn't deny that what attracted her glance most was the imposing figure at the centre of the photograph, beside Mr. and Mrs. Leagan, Neal and Eliza.

Great Uncle William, she thought smiling, you ordered me laughing to pose next to you but I refused to do that. I could still feel the tension in the atmosphere because of the failed engagement with Neal, so I decided to remain beside Mary and Stewart...she recalled, with a small grimace.

She kept looking at the photographs a moment longer and, with a smile on her lips, she turned around and walked quietly back to the living room. Upon entering, she went where she had left the object. Sitting delicately in a comfortable chair and extending her hands, she took it again from the writing desk where she had left it. She slowly delineated it with the tip of her right index finger, looking at it. It was a large jewelry box, encrusted with small gemstones and mother of pearls. When she finished examining it, she began to open it very carefully, letting out another sigh. She didn't know what was wrong with her being a little nostalgic; well, maybe she did. For years now the Lakewood property had belonged to another family.

What has happened to Stear's gate of water, to Archie's stone gate and to Anthony's gate of the roses? Do the new owners keep cultivating the rose garden with the Sweet Candy roses? she wondered.

The Sweet Candy roses; their color was as sweet as only the pink cheeks of the fairies could be. She had never seen anything compared to them. They were the roses Anthony had created, but now she was in such a faraway place that she couldn't even smell their fragrance. Remembering those roses brought back sad memories from the past. Anthony's death...

Feeling overwhelmed, she quickly put everything aside and got up abruptly, going towards the window to try to mitigate the oppression in her heart. More than twenty years had passed since the fatal accident, but she still remembered it as if it were yesterday. Whenever it came to her mind, she was reviving at the same time the anguish she had lived those days...

He was only fifteen...Nobody deserves to die so young...I will always carry him in my heart...

Noticing that her gaze began to be clouded, she hurried to wipe away the tears that were already running down her cheeks. She suddenly felt the need to breathe a bit of fresh air and quickly opened the French doors that led to the terrace. The moment the doors were opened, the fragrance of spring hit her hard, invading all her senses. As if attracted by a magnet, Candy went out on the large terrace, where she saw the source of that scent: the daffodils which were in full bloom and invaded the atmosphere with their characteristic aroma. There were other varieties of flowers that delicately decorated the garden, and there were also a grove and a little rose garden full of buds ready to open. An expert gardener who reminded her very much of Mr. Whitman was taking care of the garden, but despite all his experience and expertise, he wasn't in charge of the roses. It was herself who took care of them, dedicating her time and attention as Anthony had taught her. She simply didn't trust anybody to do that job.

She closed her eyes and breathing again the sweet aroma of the daffodils, she sighed. A moment later she opened her eyes again and looked far in the distance, where the Avon river was flowing slowly under the afternoon light. It ended up giving a magnificent view to the well-kept garden, and its banks were also the place where they liked to go constantly for a walk. Whenever they could, they embraced each other and watched the glorious sunset which painted everything around with its distinctive colors. Suddenly, out of the water came a fresh breeze which relieved the tension of her agitated thoughts. Candy smiled and looking back at the rose garden, she thought she heard Anthony's voice whispering in her heart with a serene voice:

"Candy, you go on living with a smile, don't you...?"

"Of course, Anthony. Because I live with the person I love..."

While responding to him her eyes became wet again. In some way she felt that this wasn't really happening. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the cold wind that was blowing now on her cheeks. Yes, the season had changed but spring was just beginning. Therefore, she could still feel the cold winter wind blowing in the distance. Feeling it, her body shuddered, causing her to rub her arms a little.

I think it's time to go back inside.

Her soul having already calmed down, she turned trembling and went back to the living room. When she crossed the threshold, she closed the doors behind her to keep a little warmth inside and headed once more towards the sideboard to look again at the picture that was hanging over it.

Actually it was not a picture; it was an oil painting representing Pony's Home before the reconstruction, portrayed in its entirety from the top of the hill. It highlighted the green vegetation, the trees with their green leaves and the flowers of many colors covering the hill. "Pony's Home in the spring..." she sighed.

She still remembered the day he brought the painting to her. It was a day like any other; she was in the living room, but when he came back home and entered the room, she could perceive that something had happened. The expression on his face and especially the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him. After he greeted her and she took refuge as always in his warm embrace, he returned for a brief moment to the hall to bring a rectangular package of regular size.

"Look what I found today as I was going through a flea market in London," he told her, unpacking the object and showing it to her with a big smile. "When I saw it I immediately recognized the place and didn't hesitate to buy it, without even fighting with the seller over the price. I believe he must have thought that he could have asked for a higher price, since no doubt I would have paid for it," he added laughing openly now and watching her with anticipation.

Back to the present, Candy looked at the painting once more, with her eyes paying attention again to each one of its details. It was inside a handmade frame and its dimensions were 53 by 41 centimeters. At that time she wanted to give it to her mothers, but they told her that it was her who should keep it, it was her who needed it the most. In that way, every time she would see it she would think that they were there with her, together with Slim and the other children.

Slim, she smiled, I feel that you painted this picture for me. I still remember how you used to cry at nightfall.

When she left Chicago and returned to Pony's Home, they told her that the boy had been adopted by a blacksmith in a nearby village. Wherever Slim was she only had to wish him happiness.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she turned on her heels and, moving towards the writing desk, she proceeded to take back what she had left behind. Inside the jewelry box there was the evidence of her past: magazine and newspaper clippings, a bunch of letters, invitations, and even a hand-drawn portrait.

There was also a music box, that one Stear gave her when she took the first train to New York, telling her those words: "Every time you play it, you'll get closer and closer to happiness." That was the last memory she had of him. That music box which had comforted her so many times had stopped playing one day. Candy had felt depressed because it seemed to her that she had lost the last thing that kept her united with her friend but some time later, her beloved had easily repaired it. That was why since then she decided to keep it in a safe place for fear it would break again.

Candy took it in her hands and after a long time she started playing it. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she listened to the notes floating in the air, causing her to close her eyes for a moment while she was enjoying the melody.

"The Candy Happy Maker music box..." she whispered in a nostalgic tone.

Coming out of her remembrances, Candy continued what she was doing and took the bundle of letters out of the jewelry box. She carefully began to untie the blue ribbon which kept them tied up so as not to be messed up. She started reading them one by one. They were letters from the people she met while returning to America. Letters from the people she was related to when she was a nurse. Letters from Stear, Archie, Annie, Patty and George. And other letters she didn't need to read since she remembered them very well. Putting the letters aside and leaving some of them unread, she took out an invitation tied with a white ribbon and delineated it with her fingers. Despite the time she had kept it, it had not yet faded. It was the invitation to Archie and Annie's wedding. Candy smiled again at the memory of that day.

After a moment she took the clippings out of the jewelry box and began to go through them, one by one. Most of them were clippings in which Terry's picture appeared; they were articles talking about his performances. Candy had kept the positive ones as well as the most difficult to bear since they were all related to him. But there was a clipping which Annie had enclosed in a letter to her some time after their break up. That photograph had accompanied her for a long time wherever she went and for that reason it was quite worn out. However, Terry's virile image remained intact until today.

The memory of those days brought to Candy's mind how she felt about Susanna before the break up. She couldn't deny that she hated her because she thought it was wrong of her to try to keep Terry using tricks. Everything changed when she heard about the situation and she realized the dimension of her love. She also remembered that painful expression on Terry's face while he was carrying Susanna in his arms on that rooftop. It was there that Candy had made her decision: she had to give him up. That night they didn't exchange more than a few words and later, after saying goodbye, while she was crossing the threshold of the hospital, ready to leave, Terry unexpectedly caught up with her from behind hugging her suddenly, and holding her tight he said:

"Please...let's stay like this...only a moment longer..."

She still remembered his voice. That deep voice she loved so much. She had never wished so intensely that time would stop. She even remembered his cold tears falling on her neck. And later, the warmth of that chest that was still beating inside her.

The sound of the melody brought her back to the present.

Stear, to think that you made it as a gift for me when you left for the war...You were right, Stear. That snowy night you saved me. Without that calm and happy music, I wouldn't even have managed to get back to Chicago...Thank you, Stear; yes, I'm sure that you are always watching over us from up there...

It had been so long since she had heard that soft music of which she didn't even know the title. Maybe it was Stear who had composed it. Forgetting what she was doing, Candy leaned on the chair and listened enchanted to the music. For the moment she didn't want to remember anymore; she only wanted to listen to that melody that made her heart vibrate. Little by little, the notes began to become slower until they stopped completely.

Suddenly she turned her gaze to the jewelry box and she observed inside it a hand-drawn portrait that stood out.

"Albert..." she said with a sigh, while her lips began to curve into a smile.

She quickly took the portrait in her hands and started delineating meticulously with her fingertips each one of his features. It was the portrait Dr. Martin had done for her so that she could search for him when he left her side without leaving a trace. At that time Albert was simply Albert, whose presence brought to her a wonderful sense of security. Suddenly one day he had left her feeling insecure and empty when he decided to go. Only now did she understand the meaning of the bonds that united them, as if they were invisible threads.

She put the portrait on her lap, with one hand over it and then the other hand too. She let her back rest on the back of the chair and tilted her head slightly back until it was supported. Suddenly, remembering the words in one of the letters she didn't need to read, her heart skipped a beat. It was precisely that letter which marked the present she was living now...

"Dear Candy,

How are you?

It's been a year since then...After this lapse of time, I had promised myself to write to you, but then, full of doubts, I let a few more months pass.

However, now I have gathered my courage and decided to send you this letter.

For me nothing has changed.

I don't know if you will ever read these words, but I wanted you to at least know this.

T. G."