A Scholar's travels with a Witcher

by Spike368

Sent out to gather the knowledge of the real world. A young scholar from the University of Oxenfurt finds a wounded Witcher on the steps to the inn where he was staying. So he starts gathering the material for his journals. Rated T for language I will be publishing this story on Royal Road /profile/349358

128. Chapter 128

(Warning: Some cultural sexism in evidence as well as some derogatory terms used about women by an unpleasant man. There are some crude jokes made of a sexual nature but meant, by the characters, in fun and finally, the beginning of a scene that contains bullying. Believe me when I say that I am looking forward to writing some revengeancing for that.

There is also a brief conversation regarding the size of male genitalia that is taken, almost word for word, from a conversation that I once heard between two women in a pub. I was much younger and more naive at the time and I remember being astonished.)

Of course I didn't know that Lady Vivienne had been attacked at the time. I only found out about it much later. People were expressily forbidden from telling me.

My understanding of events was that she had ridden down to the docks to meet with a merchant's factor. Emma would be able to tell you more about this sort of thing but it happens a lot where relatively minor nobles travel with Merchants in order to give introductions and things like that. So the noble will meet with another noble and there will be some kind of extended conversation, exchange of gifts and introductions while the real merchants are off in the background doing the actual negotiations away from all of that polite society. I myself have performed this kind of thing when introducing people to Emma, or early on when Emma had taken over the company.

I'm thinking specifically of that period of time after Sleeping Beauty had been woken up and I was at home in the castle over the back end of Autumn while we waited for the coronation to take place. There were regularly people that would come round wanting to speak to the head of Coulthard trading company and they would be shown into the receiving area and they would assume that I was in charge while Emma was there to sit and look decorative.

We used to find it really funny.

But Lady Vivienne had gone down to the dock to meet someone coming off the boat on the evening tide. She had gone down at that time of night in order to get the Duchess' business conducted straight away before any other people could get there and drive the price up before the Duchess could have her say.

Just one of the many things that Courtiers do for their masters.

She was incognito, so as to not draw any attention and as it was inside the city limits, she went with a guardsman in disguise. She met the merchant off the boat and took them to one of the better nearby inns where they had dinner, discussed some business and then the merchants and nobles went to bed. Lady Vivienne then left the inn with her hood up and started to head to where her horse was waiting with the guardsman next to her.

What happened then is a little more sketchy. We know that a number of masked men in dark clothing jumped out and grabbed Lady Vivienne. The guardsman was shot with a single crossbow bolt in the chest and although it failed to pierce his armour, it stunned him enough that he staggered and fell backwards to be jumped on by another assailant who rammed a dagger up and under his chin causing him to bleed to death.

Then at least two men grabbed at Lady Vivienne and started to pull her towards a nearby covered cart. She would later say that one of them had been trying to pull a cudgel in order to knock her into unconsciousness.

Fortunately for her and unfortunately for her kidnappers. Lady Vivienne's husband is one of the foremost Knights of the continent and when they had been travelling together after their wedding, Lady Vivienne had seen some of the horrors that were committed against her gender on the continent. As a result, she had demanded that Sir Guillaume teach her how to defend herself.

Being a wise man and therefore being able to see her point as well as longing for marital harmony, Sir Guillaume had complied.

As a result of this education in the arts of defending herself, Lady Vivienne had taken up the habit of carrying several very sharp knives about her person and practiced being able to draw them and wield them within seconds. With both hands.

So no sooner had a hand clamped on her wrist to restrain her than a blade was out and flashed in the torchlight. The man at her wrist let go out of reflex and she sprinted for her horse.

One of the other things that Sir Guillaume had taught her was that, unless absolutly necessary, you should not engage more than one opponent for protracted conflict. Especially if taken by surprise. Lady Vivienne had taken this to heart.

Reaching her horse she vaulted into the saddle where the knightly trained horse reared, lashing out at Lady Vivienne's assailants before bolting down the road. A matter of moments later, a furious Lady Vivienne turned out the Watch Commander from the nearest Watch-house and the alarm was raised. While Lady Vivienne was secured and escorted to the palace, another squad led by Captain De La Tour went down to the inn where they found the body of the dead guardsman, signs of a scuffle and tracks of horses that led off into the Toussaint night.

But as I say, I knew none of this at the time and as it was happening. Because I was getting ill again.

After Sam had left through the transport portal I had wanted to go for a walk. I wanted to enjoy the fresh air and see if I could see some of the Knights of Saint Francesca on their inaugeral patrols. Wandering down to the market that always seems to be active in Central Beauclair, I bought a lump of cheese and a length of Garlic sausage as well as a skin of wine and went out into the gardens. There was a spot that I rather thought that I could spend an enjoyable time watching the world go by and starting to relax after the stresses of the last few days as well as reflect on everything that had happened.

There are any number of beautiful spots all over the city that are perfect for precisely this kind of thing and had resolved to enjoy one or two of them.

I sat, this will have been about midday and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself a little bit and listen to the wind in the leaves. In the distance, I could hear people shouting at the docks and there was still the clattering and chattering of what was going on at the market place.

I was thinking about Sam. I was worried about him as he had seemed desperately unhappy, almost feverishly unhappy with whatever it was that he was doing off in the north. I worried that he was making himself sick and wondered if what had happened to me was the same thing that was happening to him.

I was also left reflecting on what life must have been like for Ariadne, Kerrass, Emma and Mark as they had watched me succumb to my obsessions. As they had watched me drift away until all I was left with was my mission of trying to find out what had happened to Francesca.

I opened my eyes, suddenly realising that I had closed them and the sunlight stabbed into my vision. I dismissed it as a symptom of my hangover. I am finding that as I begin to get a bit older, it takes me longer and longer to get over a night's drinking. This had been made worse by the fact that I had also taken a small amount of my medicine to help me deal with Sir Raoul the White and his compatriots. I remembered doing this as my thought process went down that road, the road of wondering why my head was throbbing and I was feeling a little bit ill.

I told myself to eat something and I picked up the sausage and bit into the juicy, tasty meat and washed it down with a bit of the watered wine.

It really was a beautiful day.

A lot had happened over the last few weeks and I tried to take a moment to take it all in and really think about what had happened and what was happening. There was a small lead regarding something that happened in Angral. It was a small lead and I had to really work hard at making sure that I didn't blow it up out of all proportions. It would have been so easy to do that. To think that the mage, Phineas, must have had something to do with Francesca's disappearance.

I could feel my brain trying to tug itself down a much travelled thought pattern. Thinking that it was too much of a coincidence that the man that had been one of the root architects of the problems in the North had been seen somewhere else. A somewhere else that had also seen strange magical rituals and uses that had not been previously discussed. It was easy to start asking myself questions about these things that could not possibly be answered. Questions like, what did it mean that Phineas had been seen in Angral? Why was he there? Was he alone? Did he go to Angral before or after he had made contact with the cult in the north?

These questions had gouged channels through my brain in patterns of fire and pain for days and weeks after Kerrass had first told me about what had happened and now, after Sam had gone, I found it all too easy to feel my thoughts going down the same way.

So I took a deep breath and forced my head onto a new pathway by virtue of another bite of sausage and a swig of wine. I was not yet concerned that my headache did not seem to be getting any better.

It had gone well with Sam coming back into the family unit. He had apologised without being forced to. Emma had apologised without being forced to and, as far as I was aware, both of them were aware that they could not do anything for their lands without the input from the other and both of them realised that they had work to do in order to repair what remained of the family unit.

I was pleased. There had been laughter, there had been jokes and teasing and other family interactions and we were all looking forward to our next gathering. There had been some tentative movement towards some kind of effort between all of us to make Marks last weeks and months after the wedding, as fun and as filled with love as we could manage.

I was still struggling to think of that if we're honest so I took the time to try. I could easily picture the lead up to the wedding. I could imagine the gentle rest and recovery in Toussaint in the company of Ariadne, Kerrass and some of the new friends that I had made on this visit. At some point there would need to be a decision made about what was going to happen after, whatever it was that Ariadne had in mind had happened. But I had started to think that I wanted to just tag along with Kerrass.

I rather thought that I needed some kind of break from it all. The Jack book was done and in the hands of the publishers, as I had said to Syanna, there was just some Errata to be done for the second printing...

The fact that there was going to be a second printing was prestigious enough.

… And then I rather thought that I wanted to give myself some space for the next project to turn up easily. I needed some time to get my head out of the headspace of thinking about Jack. But also, now that I had resolved to stop thinking about Francesca, I had to take the time to properly stop thinking about her as well. I was relatively confident that something would occur, something would happen that would trigger the lightening bold of inspiration that would drive me towards a new project.

Flame, there were plenty of projects on my horizon anyway. Including, but not limited to, working with everyone on a pathway to reintroduce Witchers into the World. And also, thinking of all the ways that I could make my wife as happy as I could possibly manage.

I diverted myself, not unwillingly, into imagining Ariadne naked and in various erotic scenarios. I couldn't wait to start exploring that side of our relationship with her. As it was, we had to be careful with getting too physical with each other in case we got to a point of no return. My illnesses not withstanding.

Clothing as a barrier was essential when it came to that kind of thing.

But I was sure that something would come up. I had not been lying when I had said that I meant to discuss the possibilities of future projects with Lady Yennefer on the grounds that I had really enjoyed working with her. We seemed to draw the best out of each other on a scholarly level.

My headache was not getting better. In fact, it was getting worse. And also, I was starting to feel sick.

My eyes had closed themselves again, probably while I had imagined a naked vampire rising above me in passion, I felt my mouth grin at the thought but forced my eyes open again.

The sun was really bright now.

There was a tingling in my legs and I realised that I felt short of breath.

For reasons known only to myself, I thought it would be good to stand up and start moving around, taking several large deep breaths as I went.

Which was when I discovered that one of my legs had cramped and I had to half stagger and hop as I tried to move around.

Lights danced in front of my eyes and I sat down heavily. My breathing was becoming more laboured and I finally realised that I was in trouble. I forced my eyes to stay open as I just did my best to focus on breathing in and out while my leg muscles proceeded to ripple with agony.

I had a moment, just a moment, of thinking that I had faced down an angry dragon and an Ice Giant. I had made an Elder Vampire love me and seen the Ghost ship to end all ghost ships. I had boarded an enemy vessel in anger and fought off a coup attempt. I had shivered in ditches waiting for a Griffin to fly overhead, I had stood between a family and a charging Alghoul. I have fought Earth Elementals and Cockatrices.

And I'm going to die in a quiet corner of the rose gardens of Beauclair.

Then I woke up, the side of my head hurting where it had bounced off the stone ground.

The strange thing was that I felt better almost instantly. The whistling in my ears had vanished and the grayness on the edges of my vision had also dissipated and I found that I could breath easily. I was cold but despite this, a sweat broke out and I shivered. But I found, not for the first time, that it was remarkably comfortable there on the cold ground.

I felt dazed and decided that it would be better if I just stayed where I was for the time being and tried to figure out how long I had been unconscious. Not long if I was any judge but that didn't change the fact that I had definitely fainted.

A joke occurred to me and I felt myself grin. The best of my judgement had caused me to go for a walk to get some peace and quiet by myself and look where I had ended up as a result.

I lay there for a while longer as I focused on breathing in and out. It was actually rather pleasant. Part of the problem was that I wasn't looking forward to hauling myself to my feet and having to force myself back up the hill towards the palace. The alternative that was slightly worse, was that I would have to find a guardsman or a knight or a servant and get them to help me back to my rooms. I knew that it needed to be done, but I was not looking forward to explaining to Emma and Ariadne what had happened.

But the decision was taken out of my hands by my escort. Of course I was escorted. I was still a visiting... heh... dignitary and as a result, I warranted an escort. They had taken up a discrete distance from myself and had watched as I had sat on a quiet bench out of the way and had merely taken certain steps to make sure that no-one was able to sneak up on me without, first, me being able to see them and hear them, or my escort being able to see them.

But they had finally come to alarm when they realised that they had lost sight of me. They called, shouted really, as they tried to find me. I am prepared to swear that I desperately wanted to call out to them. I wanted to attract their attention, but shouting just seemed like it would need to much energy.

"They'll find me," I reasoned and stayed where I was.

They did indeed find me.

"Fuck," the woman swore as they rushed over to me in a clatter of metal, "Lord Frederick, can you hear me?"

"I can hear you." I told her as she peered into my eyes through her visor. "You have pretty eyes." I don't know why I said it, but she did.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Her male counterpart demanded as she checked my pulse and patted me down looking for injuries.

"I fell." I told him stupidly and rather redundantly.

"Stretcher." She said. "We need a stretcher. He's not hurt, no blood or anything. But we would be better getting him back to his rooms. Send for Sir Walther as well and get him to meet us in his rooms."

I was glad to see that she seemed to be in charge as she seemed to have a certain amount more common sense than her counterpart. This opinion was confirmed even more as he stormed off muttering to himself about "stupid fucking northern Lords."

"I don't need a stretcher." I told her. "I just need to lie here for a bit."

"And catch your death of cold?" She said, "Like fuck, begging your lordship's pardon. Can you stand?"

"Course I can..." I tried and wobbled so she caught me.

"So that's a no then." She commented, trying for a joke despite the obvious nervousness in her voice. "Let's just get you over to the bench where we can at least wrap you up." She was trying for joking while also, presumably, wondering what happens to knights who lose their charge on their first official full day on the job.

I sat on the stone bench and leant my head back. My eyelids felt really heavy and I longed to close my eyes and go to sleep. But enough of my old medical training remained for me to understand just how bad an idea that was. Especially with my head being hurt.

There was more clattering and a pair of guardsmen turned up.

"Ok Lord Frederick. Onto the stretcher."

"I can walk, I can walk."

The woman stared at me. Even though her face was covered with a full faceplate and I had only seen part of her eyes. I suddenly had a distinct image of exactly what her facial expression was going to look like.

"Lord Frederick." She said in that way that women everywhere seem to be able to manage. It's the big sister voice for when they are speaking to the male of the species, who is suffering from potentially fatal levels of stupidity. "You might be able to walk but can you answer for all the times that you will have to stop on the way back up to the palace?"

I could not and she knew it.

"Further to that. You have struck your head and that means that we need to get you treated sooner rather than later by someone with more than battlefield medicine in her expertise. Can you argue with that?"

I couldn't do that either.

"And finally, even if you could do all of those things Lord Frederick. Even if you argued that you could make my life difficult, that you were offended and insulted and demanded an apology, which you can have after you're safe in your quarters again. Even if all of those things were true, you should also know that there are a number of people who I am more scared of than you. Would you like the list?"

"The Duchess?" I guessed.

"Your betrothed, your sister, your brother, your Witcher, the Captain of the guard, Lady Yennefer, Lord Geralt, Lords de Launfal, you understant I'm talking about both of them here. Lady de Launfal and her companions of the Duchess' chamber, Lady Vigo, Lady Laurelen, the rest of the Lodge of Sorceresses on the whole,"

While she spoke, she and her companion were helping me onto a stretcher. In the distance, towards where the road was wide enough, a couple of other guardsmen were manhandling a horse and a small wagon into place.

"But most of all," She finished. "If I don't get you back to your rooms and into the waiting arms of the healers, there are two people who would pull out my ovaries and grind them beneath their heels. That being Sir Walther, the Duchess' physician and the Knight Commander. Who would not only extract my reproductive organs before stamping on them until they were a smear on the underneath of her armoured shoe, but then she would continue to pull out my insides with hooks, red hot ones."

I was on the stretcher now and being carried towards the wagon. People had started to look now and the male of my escort shouted at the guards to close up around me to hopefully prevent my identity from getting out.

"And all the time that she was pulling out my entrails," the woman went on. "She would be explaining to me, in detail, exactly why it was my fault that she was doing these horrible horrible things to me. Do you understand all of that Lord Frederick?"

"Yes." I answered meekly.

"Do you want me to be horribly killed in a horrible way by a horrible woman?"

"No," I answered.

"Then lay the fuck down and try not to move. We'll have you back at the palace in a while."

I was pushed into the Wagon's depths and the two knights climbed in beside me and with a lurch we were underway.

The bouncing around did not do anything for my stomach as a roll of nausea rushed over me. I broke out in another sweat and gritted my teeth as I waited for the discomfort to pass.

"Keep your eyes open Lord Frederick and focus on the breathing." The female knight insisted.

We weren't very far up the road when word must have reached the family who were still taking it easy in our quarters. I know this because a red and black smoke showed up inside the wagon and coalesced into the paniced form of my fiance.

Not nearly as panicked as the knights were though who nearly leapt to their feet with their swords drawn. He was quicker to react but she was the first to realise what was going on.

"That fiancee that I was telling you about." She told the other knight who subsided a little more gradually.

"Some warning would have been nice." He rumbled. "I nearly cut your head off."

"There was never any danger. "Ariadne told him absently as she shuffled over to sit next to me. The knight bridled at that a bit before subsiding.

"No, I suppose not," He admitted and sat down.

I had them pegged then. He was the fighter and, possibly, the military mind. She was the more knowledgable people person. The one to figure things out. The other to protect and fight if necessary.

Ariadne knelt next to my head. She had been concerned when she had first appeared but had calmed almost straight away when she had seen me. She stroked some hair out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry." She told me after a while where I will freely admit to being lost in my fiancee's eyes.

"Why are you sorry?" I wondered, a little dismayed at the fact that I was sluring my words. "I'm the idiot that went and passed out."

Both of the knights snorted at that.

Ariadne smiled gently. "Yes you did, but those of us that know a little bit more about medicine should have seen this coming."

"Seen what coming? You're being deliberately cryptic again."

Her smile broadened. "You've been under a lot of pressure over the last few days." She said. "The festivities, Sam's arrival and the constant public scrutiny. You forced yourself to calm down and keep going through all of that but now that things are calm again, your body has decided that it has time to be ill again. I suspect that you have been ignoring some symptoms over yesterday and the morning."

I considered this.

"You know what though?" I said. "I really haven't. I won't lie. Last night with Sir Raoul and Sir Alain..."

Again, both of the knights of Saint Francesca snorted to show what they thought of that. "... was less than pleasant and I took some medicine to deal with that. But other than that. No, not really."

"That doesn't surprise me." She told me, stroking my forehead and hair back. A gesture that I had always found sickeningly twee when I had seen it done by other couples. But I would be lying if I tried to claim that it wasn't also extremely pleasant.

We got up to the palace where I lost a brief argument on the subject of whether or not I should be allowed to walk into the palace unaided. Fortunately, court was not in session so all the guardsmen were either palace Guardsmen or Knights of Saint Francesca. It would get out that I had been ill sooner or later but for the right her and right now of it, I rather hoped that I could get this done relatively easily.

Sir Walther was waiting for me when I got to the family suite, along with a terrified looking Emma and Mark along with a wry, and calm looking Kerrass, Laurelen and Anne. My understanding was that Ariadne and Laurelen had been in communication to tell everyone that I was ok and I was just having a small relapse.

I won't go into it in too much detail. Suffice to say that everyone, including Sir Walther berated me for longer than I care to mention about trying to do too much when I was still recovering from a lot of physical and mental hardship over the last year.

Then, when he had judged it prudent, Sir Walther switched tacks and started berating everyone else and telling them that they should have been keeping a closer eye on me.

Emma didn't take that particularly well, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt and tell everyone that this was due to her worry rather than anything else.

The long and short of it was that Sir Walther insisted that I need rest, relaxation, peace and quiet. He would permit gentle socialisation when the headache had gone and maybe a party or two for after that if I wasn't feeling any nausea or dizziness. But everyone else was admonished that they should keep a close eye on me in case I should start appearing bleary or tired and then I should be rushed straight back to the quarters to rest. And that in the mean time, I shouldn't be bothered with anything that might upset or worry me overtly.

Which is why no-one thought to tell me about the attack on Lady Vivienne when it happened that evening.

I was ordered to bathe again but, much to my surprise, I was told not to return to bed until my headache had calmed down. My apologies were sent regarding dinner that evening which was due to be attended by Lord De Launfal and his... I suppose "consort" is the correct term. I felt really bad about that. I had been looking forward to talking with Lord de Launfal a bit longer. So I spent the rest of that afternoon talking with Ariadne and Emma about nothing that I can particularly remember. I tried to play cards with Mark but my eyes couldn't quite focus on the cards in my hand. I couldn't read or write for the same reason and I spent the rest of the day in abject boredom.

It was a very strange day really. I felt... old before my time. I could move around and do things but I did all fo them incredibly slowly. I found myself planning my routes to the chamberpot, the food table and the chairs by way of places that I could lean and catch my breath. I checked, when I put my mind to it, I could move with a purpose and with some speed. I just found that I didn't want to. I wanted to take my time.

And that's why I didn't hear about the attack on Lady Vivienne that night. I was in our rooms, pleasantly medicated, bored out of my skull and waiting to go to bed and to sleep so that I could move on with my life. I'm told that there was a bit of a furor that night and there was some stomping around. Sir Guillaume was called for at one point and he had to leave, but I was too busy trying to stay awake.

Which is, apparently, really important when you have been hit on the head. No-one knows why but... there it is. Something to remember the next time you get punched in the face.

So I didn't know about it. I literally had no idea. Some people have tried to portray me as being aloof and uncaring about the attack on my friend who was also the wife of another friend. That is a lie and I want to say that here and now and in print where everyone can know about it. Lady Vivienne and Sir Guillaume were both aware of exactly why the news had been kept from me and they agreed with the matter and would later tell me not to feel guilty. So you can forget about that as well.

But for the there and then, I didn't know. That night I was finally allowed to go to bed when Ariadne declared it so. This time, she was in the room while Anne put me to bed and the two women stayed up gossiping for a while. I know this because I couldn't sleep. The same thoughts that had occupied my mind while I had been moving through the gardens of Toussaint were still going round and round. Thinking about who I was, where I was going, what I was going to do, who I was going to become.

You know, the small and unimportant questions.

But I couldn't let go. I was neither awake enough to properly examine any of the questions and work towards coming up with any of the answers, but nor was I sleepy enough to be able to set the thing aside. I felt beaten up more than anything.

At some point in what must have been the early hours of the morning, Ariadne finally left, pointing out to Anne that I was still awake as she went. Anne, as was her habit, changed into her night clothes and climbed in beside me, the added weight of a warm woman across my chest had been helpful in the past.

But this time it wasn't. Something had shifted in my head. The guess that I had spent the last few days tamping everything down so that I could deal with the ends of the tournament, the family crisis as well as all of the politics and nightmares that come with those, seemed to be quite accurate as everything started to come out in a torrent.

I know this because Anne started to snore gently. Normally I could even find that kind of thing restful. The gentle breathing of a beautiful woman in your ear is something that I have always found fairly peaceful after all. But now it was a saw grinding out against my skull.

But I was medicated, exhausted, a little injured and I couldn't move.

I finally managed to sleep as the sun was just climbing in order to mean that there was enough light in the room to make out the chamber pot without having to unshutter the lantern. That place where the outlines of furniture start to be highlighted but detail still escapes you.

They woke me up for breakfast. By they, I mean Sir Walther and Ariadne who insisted that I get up, eat something and then take some more medicine. Anne had gone off on one of her occasionaly visits into town to deal with whatever business she had that had been interrupted. I felt better but I was dismayed by how little energy that I had. I was absolutely exhausted and I was more than a little horrified by that.

"Try to stay awake." Sir Walther told me. "You need to regulate your sleeping patterns properly."

"I was sleeping fine and then you insisted on waking me up."

"You were, but you were restive and you were moaning about something."

"Who says?"

He gave me a flat stare. "Look me in the eyes and ask me that again."

Kerrass chuckled at me from the corner.

I had been having nightmares. I had forgotten that until Sir Walther asked me the question and I was forced to answer in the affirmative. I had forgotten.

Yes, I had forgotten. It is perfectly possible to wake up, covered in sweat with the scream still echoing in your throat from when you were screaming in your dream as you tried to wake yourself up and then to have forgotten what you were dreaming about not two heartbeats later.

I felt wretched. Emma looked confused by what was happening with me but she accepted Sir Walther's word for it. Kerrass looked unsurprised and Mark was sat at one of the desks in the room as he was taking care of some correspondence. I looked around at them all as they all got on with the various activities of the day. They were aware of my problems, concerned about me, but they weren't worried. It was that strange mixture of being aware of what was going on with me and making suitable adjustments, but there was none of the worry and fear that I had seen in their eyes when I had been recuperating in Angral. This was...

Then it hit me. My illness and periods of sickness had become routine.

The horror of that moment kicked me square in the balls and I burst into tears. Ariadne was at my side in an instant but other than that, Mark looked up and over to see what was happening but his expression was blank and still, obviously, lost in the letters that he was writing. Emma was still concerned and Laurelen seemed unsurprised. Only Kerrass looked uncomfortable. All of this drove the point home again and hard.

"What's wrong love?" Ariadne asked as she stroked my hair and otherwise mumbled soothing noises.

"Is this my life now?" I whimpered. "Is this how I spend the rest of my ife. Working towards stressful moments, building myself up and then falling down with a thump."

Anger came shortly after it.

"Then I burst into tears and rage against it all. Is this my life now?"

Just as suddenly as it was on my, the rage, the fear and the pain left me and I slumped backwards, drained to the point of exhaustiong. "Flame." I swore.

Sir Walther said nothing while Ariadne fetched a square piece of cloth handkerchief to wipe my eyes.

"The truth is that I don't know." He told me. "Line up the ten smartest doctors in the world, along with the ten smartest magic users in the world and we couldn't tell you what was going on in your head and body. There would be some special words thrown around to try and convince you that we know what we're talking about. Words like "Adrenaline, Hormones" and the like."

"Also Seratonin." Ariadne put in. "Neural pathways are other words that have been used in this kind of discussion"

"See what I mean?" Sir Walther glared at Ariadne. "I haven't even heard of Neural Pathways, whatever the hell they are."

"They are technical terms for basically telling people that the brain is a creature of habit." Ariadne told him.

"Oh." He said and considered this. "Then answer me this. Why do people invent increasingly complicated words and terms in order to describe something that is fairly obvious. For which we have perfectly adequate terms already in existence."

Ariade said nothing although I rather thought she had correctly interpreted Sir Walther's diatribe as being an effort to lighten the mood.

"We don't know why your brain is doing this to you." He told me a little more seriously. "To me, it feels like a lot of things in your life have come to a head. My instincts tell me that you have not been looked after properly, probably since the day you were born. Don't be too angry at the people that did the looking after about that. They weren't to know and like most parents and elder siblings, they were making things up as they went along."

He sniffed.

"But also, bear in mind that because of this, you had no idea how to look after yourself and now it has gotten too much and your brain and body is deciding that it's had enough and is making you listen to it for a change. But all of that is guess work based on experience. I have no idea if that's true or if I'm making it up."

I nodded my acceptance of that. I was not happy but what else could they do?

"Listen." Sir Walther went on. "The trick to this, over and over again, is this. Do not give up. There are going to be times, probably like now, where you want to get up and dance around and go off and do things, but something has brought you down. There are going to be other times when you should be down and then you are running around like a lunatic. Knowing you, probably whenever you are trying to save the world. The highs are going to be very high but the lows are going to be equally as low. That is the part of all of this that you need to make peace with. So when you are in the deepest and darkest pit of despair, when you are half dead with the exhaustion brought on by it all and all you want to do is weep, get angry or cuse everyone close to you, or worse."

He sighed.

"Then you must wait for it to pass. It might be a few hours, it might be a day, it might be days, plural, or even weeks. But in those times, be gentle with yourself, listen to your body a bit and trust the opinions of other people. Even while your brain and body are trying to convince you that they are trying to kill you. Dr Shani is a skilled physician and her opinion can be trusted implicitly. I have met her many times at Oxenfurt and her opinions on these matters are exemplory and she knows more about these things than I do. My specialty tends towards jousting injuries or hysteria in the courtly ladies brought on by lack of air."

"Lack of air?" Ariadne wondered.

"Yeah. The current fashion for corsetry means that women force themselves into those horrific contraptions, do them up too tight and then struggling to breath. Then, as they stand there gasping for breath after some nitwit insults their honour, weeping with the frustration and weakness as well as mild euphoria that it brings about. As all of that is happening, men, who do not have to wear those instruments of modern torture, stand around and call women weak and tell them that they're getting overly emotional and... heh... hysterical."

He snorted at that.

"But Dr Shani works with the army and as a result has had to deal with more than one case of helmet shock as well as the problems that returnning veterans can face. She will know more about this sort of thing."

"I will see to it that Dr Shani is consulted." Ariadne told him.

"Excellent. In the mean time. I recommend rest and a format of routine. Sleep at the proper times, eat at the proper times. Let your body know that everything is normal and it will soon calm it's shit down. Gentle exercise tomorrow I think."

"Thank you Sir Walther." Ariadne told him. I was still fighting back tears.

"Yes well." He took out a snuff box and took a huge sniff, before giving a sneeze akin to a hurricane and stomping back out the door.

Ariadne pushed me over on the couch and wrapped her arms round me as I wept gently. It took a long time for the tears to go away. It was not the wracking sobs that I had given before, I didn't bawl my eyes out or any of that kind of thing. I just lay there for a long time, staring at nothing as the tears ran down my cheeks.

I lost most of the day to that kind of state. I just lay there, propped up on the cushions and on Ariadne's chest and lap as she held me and we waited for the tears to pass.

It was like waves crashing against the beach. Nothing that Sir Walther had told me was new to me but the way that Mark, Emma and the rest treated it, was... chilling. I had known that this would be something that I would have to deal with for the rest of my life, but I had not understood it until I had seen Mark look up from his letters to check that I was in no immediate danger, checking to make sure that Ariadne was nearby and had matters in hand, before then returning to his letters.

I had not understood it before I had seen Emma listen carefully to Sir Walther's declarations about what needed to be done and in what order before carefully, and clearly, setting those things aside and getting on with the rest of her business.

I make it sound colder than it actually was. They still cared. But as I say, it was a routine thing now. They expected it. They were used to it and they were absolutely confident that that was the way of things and that they would be moving forward accordingly.

But I could see it in the way that Emma checked with Ariadne as to whether or not she, or I, needed anything before returning to her own appointements and letters. I have a hazy recollection that dinner would be served to me in the rooms that night so that I didn't have to worry about anything. I remember Emma telling Ariadne that she would be back later if Ariadne wanted to do anything and Ariadne telling my sister that she would be fine. Kerrass came and tried to talk to me. I'm told that I responded in the negative and that I didn't need anything and that I was fine with him going off and spending time on his amorous adventures.

Apparently, he had "found" a contract which meant that he would be visible on the lands where Lady Moineau was staying at the moment so that she could see him as he rode around the place looking all masculine and heroic. He promised to tell us all about his amorous adventures later as a way to cheer us up.

I didn't want to tell him this, but right then and right there, I didn't want to hear them. I didn't want to hear tales of passion while my own passions were so frustrated. I was sharing a bed with an exceptionally beautiful courtesan and I was lying in the arms of my, even more beautiful, fiancee. I wanted to be horny. I wanted to have an erection that could knock down a door. But even though I wanted these things and I was telling myself that I should be able to do those things. My body was just not interested.

So I lay there. I dimly remember being made to eat something. I remember it being salty and sweet. Some kind of roast pork and apple pie. But damned if I can remember it now.

I remember stirring once.

"So is this it?" I asked Ariadne. "Is this our life from now on?"

"Is "what" our life?" She asked gently.

"Me lying here or on some couch in Angral. Not being able to think, barely able to move for fear of getting sick. Becoming a recluse so that no-one can upset me or "tire me out". Is this the life I'm going to lead?"

"Maybe." She admitted, "but I doubt it. I know that this is a black spot Freddie. Not helped by the fact that you are feeling ill after hitting your head yesterday and the left over grogginess and sickness from passing out. I know that it's hard to see from this position. But you need to know that you are getting better. You are."

I snorted at that.

"Compare how you are doing now to how you were doing back at the estate in Angral. Imagine the person who you were then walking your brother to the transport gate, or standing up to all those execrable excuses for Knights. I can't."

"I don't want to live like that." I wailed. Utterly failing to acknowledge the things that she had said or to take them in on any level. I would like to claim that I was doing something other than wallowing in Self-Pity but I think we all know that that would be a lie.

"And we won't." She told me. "But I will also be honest. There are going to be times where you get sick. There are going to be times where you get overly sad and overly angry at people that don't deserve it. We know that you are going to lash out. We know that you are going to sink into a pit of despair that we are going to struggle to pull you out of. You are going to yell, scream, cry and rage at everyone and everything and everyone, including me. We are not going to know what is going to cause those times. We won't know when they will start or when they will stop.

"But as the man said, we... both of us, need to understand that they will stop. I will need to learn that you are not angry with me and you will need to learn to keep careful track of your own behaviour in order to be able to tell the difference between being genuinely angry or sad, and when you are angry or sad because you are sick. And we won't know until we spend the time to learn the differences.

"It's going to take work. It's going to be hard and it's going to take effort from both of us. We are going to need signals between us. Something to say, or a gesure or something that we can show each other. You to tell me that you are not quite right and that I need to rescue you from whatever situation you find yourself in and for me to tell you that I am worried that your illness is getting the best of your intelligent and emotional state.

"But the other thing, as well as work, is that will take time. We need the experience with your illness until we get used to it. That might happen quickly, I hope that Dr Shani will be able to give us some pointers. But it might take a long time, years even, before we get to the bottom of it."

I had nothing to say to that.

"But in the meantime." She said as she nuzzled the side of my head gently. "In the meantime, I can imagine far worse fates than wrapping you in a blanket, and my arms, and holding you in times of weakness. Just as I hope that you would comfort me when that non-human haters come after me because I have the temerity to be born with fangs rather than teeth."

"Of course I will." I was a little appalled at the suggestion that I wouldn't.

"Then do not expect any the less of me." She said gently. "I will protect you, no matter what happens and I will love you, no matter what happens. That is not to say that I might not get angry. That is not to say that I might not... get annoyed if I feel as though you are being unfair or have confused an emotional outburst with an illness and injury based one. But know, here and now, that I will always love you. Even while we are yelling at each other."

I was reassured. But also, I wasn't reassured at the same time.

I surfaced from my malaise later in the early evening. My body was still not entirely doing what it was supposed to do, or what I told it to do so I was ambling around, frowning at everything in sight. It took an immense amount of concentration to transport the food from my plate and into my mouth without dropping anything. I am enormously grateful for everyone that was there that they didn't laugh at my efforts. From the outside of the thing, it is very easy for me to imagine how utterly comedic and humourous that must have looked but in the right then and right there of the situation. It was excruciating.

But I did have my excuse ready. I didn't want to waste any of the food.

That night, I slept like a log. Emma and Laurelen spent the evening with Ariadne and I and the four of us just sat and chattered. Mark was off somewhere talking to some priests of this or that. Probably people that were complaining about some of his politics again which seems to be what happens whenever people decide that they need to talk to my brother. Kerrass was off enjoying his storybook forbidden romance.

That night, Ariadne handed me off to Anne with the gesture and care that women pass newborn babies around the room for everyone to have a fuss with. I would be offended by the gesture if I thought that it wasn't entirely deserved.

I remember the bath. I remember standing to change into my bed clothes on the grounds that if I sat on the bed, or laid down on the bed, then I very much doubted that I would be able to take the clothes off. But I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and I remember nothing after that until I was woken up by an urgent need to piss in the early hours of the morning.

After that adventure, I was woken again by Kerrass hammering on the door to demand that I hurry up and get some breakfast so that we could hit the training fields and get some proper training done.

"You're getting soft Freddie." He told my bewildered safe as he stood over me while I ate some porridge. "Too much time lying in the arms of beautiful women and feeling sorry for yourself." He grinned as he said it.

I gave him a long look as the porridge, a delicious mix with added pears and honey, slowly slopped off my spoon. "Your haste is nothing to do with the fact that you want to get back to a certain married woman is it Kerrass?"

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." He told me with glee.

"I don't want to know." I bent to the bowl.

"Yes you do. You want to know how she called out to me and pleaded with me to stay with her." He told me with relish. "You want to know how she clung on to my sleeve and how her dress nearly tore open and spilled her..."

"Ok, I'm done." I told him and pushed myself away from the table. "If you're going to torture me with this kind of thing then you might as well combine the tortures and do it over some training."

Despite my fears and Kerrass' rather clumsy joking. The training was actually really gentle. Which was good because I was stiff and slow. Kerrass said nothing but he also refused to allow me to wallow in self pity.

"Fear will make you fast Freddie." He told me. "Fear and the presence of actual danger. You're tired, sore, saddened and upset. You will find your energy again soon enough. Don't get me wrong, your skills are in quite a state and we need to work hard to get you back up to your former strength. But I remember what Sir Walther told you. Routine is good for you. So I'm going to insist that no matter how long we stay in Toussaint, or how long you stay in Toussaint, or how long we all stay in Toussaint. We are going to rise in the morning and train for several hours at least. Until I am satisfied or until we have other things to do."

"And how long will that take?"

He shrugged. "Not that long today. I'm going to seal the deal tonight and I need to work her up into a passionate frenzy."

"Who is chasing who in this scenario?" I wondered, mostly as a way to put off the return to work rather than because I was actually wondering about the answer to the question. "How much does she know about what you are doing?"

He laughed. "As I said, she knows what's happening and is getting as much fun out of the chase as I am. But enough is enough now and we need to cut to the chase. What with everything that's happened. We need to coordinate our rendezvous a bit more carefully to make sure that she isn't disgraced or worse."

Yes. The comment about "What with everything that's happened" went completely over my head.

He sighed and the more familiar look of romantic melancholy settled over his face. The same look that he wore when he was talking about the Princess or any of the other women that he has known and loved over his years spent on the path.

"She's a good woman Freddie." He said. "She deserves better than what she's getting from her husband. I would never take her with us, nor would she leave her comforts for me. But for the here and now, I have no objection to being her... whatever the male equivalent of a mistress is, for a few weeks and add some excitement into her life."

"The term is "Paramour" Kerrass." I told him and considered. "It doesn't hurt that she's also really really hot as well."

"It does not." He grinned happily, before feinting at my head and forcing me to block.

When we were done with all of that, Kerrass walked me back to the rooms. "How are you doing Freddie? Really I mean."

"Flame Kerrass I don't know." I told him. I was stiff. Days of inaction and improper exercise had left me feeling uncomfortable and the exercise that we had just done was far harder than I had thought it was going to be. "Is it bad of me that I'm just existing on a day to day basis at the moment."

"No," Kerrass told me. "it's not bad at all. But I do need you to know that I've been thinking."

"Uh oh."

"No, it's not that bad." He grinned at me. "I will stay by your side until Ariadne can take over properly. By which I mean, until she can marry you and then I don't really want to be around while the two of you are going to spend all day in bed with each other testing out each others "erogenous zones."

"That's lovely Kerrass. And now that's an image that's going to fester."

"Well, that's what friends are for. But I want it to be known that I will do that, if you want me to."

"What do you mean? Why would I not want you to?"

"Freddie, I heard what Sir Walther told you yesterday. You need routine and regularity to your schedule. I am a Witcher, that's not how we work. You have plenty of work to do, plenty of people that need your help in a way that I'm neither good at or want to be involved with. Also, my money is beginning to run out."

"Kerrass, you know that..."

"We talked about this kind of thing remember? But also," he looked at me and sighed. "I do feel a little responsible for the way things have turned out with you. I should have sent you home months ago. I keep going backwards in time and thinking about it. I wanted to tell you to stay in Oxenfurt when we got back from Skellige. But then I remembered the thing with the Unicorn and how despondant you were after that adventure finished and I thought to myself that you should go home after that. I came closest to telling you to go home after the cult of the First-Born and after we killed Sansum and the other knights of the Flaming sword.

"But the truth is... Ok... right... here it is."

He looked around and pulled me over to a bench. "The truth is this. I didn't think that you would go home, even if I ordered you to do it."

"Not an unfair comment."

"But that's not what I meant. I rather thought that you would go off around the place and commit to your own hunt for Francesca and I thought that you needed a guide."

He watched me carefully as I thought about that.

"Again," I decided after a moment. "Not an unfair comment."

"The second truth that I have had to confront is that you should not have been allowed to come with me after the Empress' coronation. I was setting out to find your sister and I should have gone alone. Especially with that thing with the tower and the ghost of the kid underneath it."

"The forsaken child."

"Yeah. I should have seen it then that you were not really in any shape to go tromping through the world but I refused to see it because I'm an ignorant and selfish fucker. But then there is the last truth."

"Which is what?"

"That I didn't want you to go. I've had good times on the path Freddie. Very good times. There have been bad times too, sometimes I think it's almost more than my fair share. Times that I didn't think that I would be able to make it past. I've known love and friendship and acceptance and all of those things. But I was not having fun until I met you. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating. Freddie, I want you to look me in the eye."

I did as I was told.

"These last few years since I met you have been the best few years of my life."

I stared at him open mouthed and he smiled at me. Not the false grin that he sometimes remembers that he has to use in order to tell everyone that he was happy. But a genuine smile.

"Kerrass, are you saying good bye to me?"

"No." He laughed. "No I'm not. I intend for the two of us to be friends for many years yet. But I wanted to say it. I wanted you to have that going through your mind when you hit the darkest slumps that you are going through. You have made a lonely Witcher's life worth living. You helped me rescue the love of my life. You have saved my life and soul more than I care to think about.

"So later today, when the exhaustion washes over you and you can barely keep your eyes open through the tears and the self-loathing I want you to remember that I told you that. I want you to remember that it is not just Ariadne that you saved. And it is not just your family that would mourn your passing. I would be genuinly heart-broken if anything happened to you."

I stared at him. "Thank you Kerrass. I will cherish that."

He nodded and rose to his feet.

"But hang on." I told him, catching his arm as he went to move off. "Did you just admit that Princess Dorne is the love of your life."

"I did. I've always known it Freddie. You are right in that she and I need to talk at some point. But I am not there yet. If she wept, I do not think I could stand before such a thing."

"Those big cornflower blue eyes staring at you like this Kerrass." I did my best puppy dog eyes. "But why won't you love me Kerrass?" I pleaded.

He hit me. He was probably justified in his displays of violence.

"But here's the thing." He said after I had fled from his onslaught. "If you want me to stay, I will stay. But if not... Then I need to get on the path for a bit. And I think you would do quite well if I went on my merry way for a while. Just for a few months or so and I will meet you in Redania so that we can get your Bacherlor's party done properly. I certainly want to be there when Helfdan's new flagship turns up to port in Oxenfurt so that Svein and Helfdan can get the party started. That is an image that I want to cherish in the future."

I laughed. It was all too easy to imagine the burghers and the waterfront merchants running for cover as the fearsome band of misfits that were the survivors of the Wave-Serpent arrive in Oxenfurt.

"When are you thinking of leaving?" I asked.

"I know that Ariadne wants us to meet someone, or go to some party or something. So I told her that I would stay for that. But after that, I want to go to the Black Forest and see if I can learn anything about the kind of magic that might be using. It's the oldest, most primal, untamed place on the continent, I don't care what the Elves of Dol Blathanna claim. You haven't felt truly insignificant until you've stood beneath the boughs of the Black Forest.

"But I do think that there is a threat here somewhere. I do think that it's real. That Phineas was trying to contact something. That the Cult of the First-Born had contacted something. The thing in the woods at Amber's Crossing. Jack's renewed interest and fame in the world. I think that these things are building to something and we need to know more. I was going to take you there anyway to see if we could find anything that might point us in the direction of your sister. But now, I intend to go there anyway and see what else I can find."

"You really think there's something to this, extra-planar creatures?"

"There is Freddie and you know it. The mages call it Goetia. But practitioners of that are trying to summon and bind. That's not what Phineas or the cult was trying to do. They were trying to draw the gaze and empower the forces that were beyond the gates. There is danger there, terrifying, horrific danger in that and I want to find out how much truth there is to it."

"A big task."

"It is." He shrugged. "Fortunately, there are others investigating as well so it's not just me. Now..." He clapped me on the shoulder. "I need to get you back to your quarters or Emma will glare at me."

"Truly a fate worse than death."

"You see, you joke. But you're just as terrified of your elder sister as I am."

"And with more reason than you Kerrass. More reason than you."

We came back to the family rooms again. There were still all of the old knightly check points in place as people still needed to be signed in and out of the various corridors so that things could happen. But other than that there was actually far fewer Knights of Saint Francesca around. I didn't really think about it really. I remembered someone telling me that there was a chance that people would take advantage of the changeover between the Knights and the Nilfgaardian peacekeepers in order to get up to various shenanigans. So I just assumed that that was what was going on.

It was for similar reasons that I absolutely paid no attention at all to the fact that Syanna was in her full armour and having a conversation with Emma and Ariadne in the rooms when I walked in. I looked straight past them, returned Syanna's nod of greeting and headed off to the room to take advantage of the bath that was already being run for me by Anne.

It is easy, looking back, to reinterpret the looks of concern that were flying around and being directed at me in particular. But at the time, I thought nothing of it. I had enough on my plate to worry about and I was far too used to people looking at me with a bit of worry in their eyes.

It is also true that in the right there and right then of the situation, I was feeling pretty good. I had had a good amount of exercise that morning, the unpleasant lethargy and stiffness that had been affecting my limbs for some time had been replaced with the, not entirely unpleasant burn of recently exercised musculature. I was looking forward to a bath and a massage where I would snooze before going off to get some lunch inside me.

Was this a mood swing from where I had been yesterday? Absolutely. But I had also been told that when I was feeling good, then I should enjoy that moment of feeling pretty good.

I came back into the main room, feeling refreshed and ready to take on some food and greet the Knight Commander to find that Syanna had gone.

"Where is Syanna?" I wondered as a servant put a bowl in front of me and ladled some soup. "I was going to ask how they're all getting on."

"She had to go." Ariadne said. Emma had turned away for a moment. There was an odd twist to Ariadne's face. She was frowning about something and Emma was staring at the wall in what I took to be a "Lost in Thought" Pose. "She is really busy at the moment and just wanted to keep us in the loop about a couple of things. She wanted to let us know that we have been invited to a ball the day after tomorrow."

"Oh?"

"Yes. It's called an Artiste's ball where people bring a personal piece of artwork that they have been working on. A skill that they can do and that no-one else can."

"It sounds awful." I commented.

"And it undoubtedly will be." Emma said finally turning around. "But one of the themes of art that has been put forward for this is Francesca so we have to go and be humiliated in turn."

"What possible artform could I offer?" I wanted to know.

"I dunno." Kerrass said from the corner where he was putting his Witcher costume on. "Boring people to death."

"I always thought you had a very pleasant singing voice." Emma told me.

"Fuck that." I said after mopping up the soup that I had sprayed across the room at her words.

"I didn't know you could sing." Ariadne exclaimed, her eyes shining.

"That's because I can't." I told her, glaring at Emma who smiled at me smugly.

And for anyone that's wondering. That is how you distract your sick brother from noticing the mood of the room.

Kerrass left, slinging his swords onto his back and a certain spring in his step. Emma and Ariadne were watching me eat.

"Where's Laurelen?" I wondered.

"She's working with Lady Vigo on something." Emma told me. "One of those projects that the Lodge of Sorceresses occasionally come up with and Laurelen wants to talk to her about something. Possibly to do with the project about how she and I might be able to have children one day."

"Or you and I for that matter." Ariadne put in. "Now finish your food."

I did as I was told. Nothing quite like the sight of your older sister and the woman you love frowning at you to make you finish your plate.

"What did you have planned for the rest of the day?" Ariadne asked Emma while neither of them took their eyes off me.

"Oh, this and that. There's a few people that I need to see about sending some herbalists up to Kalayn lands along with some farming experts that might be able to help him out with making his village farms more efficient. I need to vet them though. I didn't get enough time to talk to Sam about it but I get the feeling that if any of them go in there with the hard sell, then Sam is almost certainly going to tell them to fuck off and then he will write me and tell me to fuck off as well."

"For my tuppance worth." I said, between mouthfulls. "The hard sell might be appropriate, if you warn him about the hard sell. Write him in advance telling him about the various merchants that will be meeting with him, what they are like. If you can sell him on the merchant before the merchant has to sell his expertise to Sam. Then that might go a long way. Also merchants with a martial background that can talk to Sam on an equal level."

Both women glared at me.

"Ok, ok. I'll eat... Flame."

"It's not a bad idea." Ariadne agreed. "Your brother strikes me as the kind of man that will automatically take the opposite view if challenged because he thinks like a soldier. If he is attacked then he will automatically take the opposite viewpoint. Other knights and soldiers would recognise that."

"You're thinking of that fellow that says he fought at the line. Velles."

I nodded. Reaching for the cup of watered wine.

"Hmmm." Emma pulled at her lower lip as she thought. A habit that she had when she was a child and has never quite managed to get rid of. She only does it when she's actually quite stressed which, like many things in that time and place, completely passed over my head. I thought she was stressed about Sam and the merchantile problems that she faced.

"It's not a bad idea." She agreed. "Velles does not have the best of reputations though. There have been rumours of him smuggling for years."

I shrugged. "I don't think any of us can properly claim that we are not aware of the problems with rumours being thrown around. What do the rumours say about you after all?"

She glared at me. "Eat your soup." She said without too much force as she acknowledged my point. "I'll talk to him."

She summoned a page while she wrote a quick message to Lord Velles enquiring if he had a moment to spare her.

She and Ariadne shared a look. "I need to be here in case Velles responds."

Ariadne nodded and turned to me.

"Take your fiancee for a walk Freddie?"

Emma frowned. "Is that entirely a good idea?" She looked at me significantly.

"We will be escorted." Ariande replied quickly, also glancing in my direction. "And I am a Sorceress. If anything happens then I can teleport us both back here in an instant."

"I'm feeling much better as well by the way." I put in before both women turned on me. "Just, you know, reminding you both that I am here and in the room."

Ariadne turned back to Emma. "Also, I am an Elder Vampire and am easily able to render Freddie unconscious, sling him over my shoulder and be back here so fast that the air will scream with my passing."

"Now that's a pleasant thought." I said aloud.

"Get changed Freddie."

So Ariadne and I went for a walk. Arm in arm as we toured some of the significant places around Beauclair. Especially those places that were significant to the two of us. We went down into the town and visited the fish market which was also, now, the site of a large monument that listed all the men and women that died there. Both as part of the Knights Errant and the Imperial Guard.

It was missing the name of the Witcher that had died there though which made me angry and I made a note of mentioning that to someone.

We spent some time walking around until we found the place where Sir Thomas of the Guard had died and again, there was no plaque or rememberance state there that would tell people that a brave man had died there. Lots of people had died that night, lots of men and women and, so I'm told, more than one Elf as the Imperial Guard has less problems including non-humans into their military than some of the nations of the North.

Lots of people died and it would be impossible to put plaques down for everyone that had died that night. But I rather thought that if there had been a monument for what had happened at the fish market that night, to commemorate some of the people that had died that night, then everyone should be remembered. Not just the people of the Fish market.

"Did you not see who had paid for the monument in the Fish Market?" Ariadne asked me when I commented on this.

"What?"

"There was a small plaque at the base of the monument. One of those small things that tries to pretend that it is being unobtrusive and out of the way while also drawing the eye so everyone could see how generous the people were."

I grunted.

"The plaqure read. "Paid for by Lord Raoul Le Blanc. Count de Camnau, Lord and Lady Tonlaire and friends."

I nodded as things fell into place. "The heads of the old guard of Knights Errant. The hater and the traditionalist."

"And friends." Ariadne reminded me. "Don't forget that bit."

"You and I both know that they could have just made that bit up in an effort to appear magnanimous." My mind spun into action. Automatically looking for the meanings behind the words. "They wanted to commemorate the fallen Knights Errant and remind everyone about the men that died in service to the Duchy. But they can't just remember them so they wanted to appear magnanimous in remembering the other fallen soldiers."

"While ignoring the filthy non-human mutant that was part of it all as well."

"Yes. But if they include all the other people that died that night on the same plaque, then the relatively small numbers of Knights Errant that fell would be belittled and their sacrifice would not appear as magnificent to future generations."

I just want to say. Those knights Errant that fell at the fish market at the hands of the man called Laughing Jack. Those men were good and noble Knights and it was not their fault that they were pushed to the extremes that they were. The fact that they were good and noble men was precisely what led to their downfall in that time and place. But I also find that I think that they would be appalled if their names and memories would be given precedence over all of the other, good and brave soldiers that gave their lives that night. So if anyone thinks that a way to my heart and good graces is to insult the Knights Errant in my presence then you are going to have a nasty surprise.

The problem was not with the people, but what the office of Knights Errant had become. Just as there were people like Sir Crawthorne in their midst, there were also good, noble and honest people as well and they deserve to be remembered.

At the time of my conversation with Ariadne, I was angry with the people that had paid for the monument, not the people that had fought and died. Please don't ever think that.

The monument was there to elevate themselves and their agenda, rather than to remember the people that gave their lives. Few things make me quite as angry as that kind of hypocrisy.

I stood in that small alleyway in Beauclair for quite a long time, staring at the patch of ground where a young man, younger than Francesca even, had died in my arms. I stood there for along time before, I swear that this is true, much like I would be prepared to believe that I had heard Francesca laugh at some of my silliness, I swear I heard Sir Thomas snorting with amusement.

I shook myself and shuddered, as though hot water had just been poured down my spine and we headed back onto our little tour. I bought Ariadne a cake and a small skin of mulled wine in order to keep us warm now that the afternoon was beginning to get on and the sun was going down.

We walked off to the graveyard where Laughing Jack...

Notice that I do not simply call him Jack.

… Had finally been taken down by the Witchers. I didn't want to spend too much time here. This was not a good place for me. I had been really foolish and it had nearly cost me my life. In many ways, it could even be argued, that I deserved to lose my life here.

Then we moved out and round. We visited the waterfall with the Statue to the Saint. I spent a bit of time just stood there staring up into the blank, marble eyes of the piece, kind of hoping that it would come to life so that I could take my sister in my arms again.

Eventually some tears came. If there is a difference, I rather thought that these tears were healthy tears that had needed to be shed and Ariadne held me close before we turned away and moved on.

We visited the bench upon which I had proposed and spent a little bit of time there, reminiscing about the moment and about the knight who had been determined in making sure that I wasn't going to assault her. We even wondered who he was and what had happened to him. No-one had ever come up to me and remembered themselves to me or said that this was who they were. I rather wondered if he had been one of the people that had lost their lives in the disaster of the Fish Market.

A light rain began to fall as the sun went down. It was not unpleasant, after all, this is Toussaint, but it meant that there was a new freshness in the air. Ariadne sniffed the air and told me that it wouldn't last long and that the air would clear in the morning and into another cold period with bright sun during the day. We wrapped ourselves up in our cloaks and huddled together for warmth and shelter as we left the city grounds and walked up the path, through the undergrowth and to that place where I had realised that I had been neglecting her and where she had realised that she could have done more to support me in that difficult time.

We both claim that we did things wrong there so I will leave who has the greatest fault to the reader to judge.

It took us a while to find the spot as the weather, in the intervenining year, meant that the area was quite overgrown and even now, I am not quite as sure that we found the right place.

When we did, we both spent a lot of time holding each other. It was fitting that it was raining now, the same as it had been then. I looked down at the woman in my arms then and she smiled up at me. Not the first time that I have noticed that she is actually a little shorter than I am and I hope that it is not the last. The previous year had been a dark one, but looking down into her shining eyes I rather thought that it had all brought Ariadne and I closer. We were a long way from the couple that had stood here a little under a year ago and didn't know how to talk to each other. Or how to behave in each other's company. I was comfortable holding her now and we were not far away from the point where we no longer had to ask in order to kiss the other person.

My heart thudded at doing anything further than that though. The prospect of touching her bare skin still caused me to shiver and the thought of seeing her naked again left me a bit of a wreck to the point that I had to focus.

She smiled at me and pulled me down for a tender kiss before burrowing into a closer embrace.

"We've come a long way." I said after a moment.

"Yes we have." She replied, almost surprised by it. "A very long way. I hope it's been for the positive. It's all happened so fast that it's a little bewildering."

"Hey you fell in love with, and decided to marry a human."

"Yes I did." She said with no small amount of relish. "Yes I did."

I looked up at the sky and a huge splash of water took that opportunity to run out of the leaves and straight onto my nose. Ariade saw it and giggled.

"Time to head back?" I wondered.

She nodded. "I don't want your sister to yell at me for getting you a cold."

"You could take her." I teased.

"I'm not so sure. Your sister is cunning and ruthless."

We walked down the path, arms round each other for a way.

"What happens next?" I wondered. "I know that we are staying in Toussaint until some kind of appointment that you have made, but what happens after that?"

"What brought this on?"

"I was talking to Kerrass about it earlier and it just left me thinking. I like Toussaint. I sometimes have problems with the people but I like it here. I think that the world as a whole would be better if people believed and thought the way the people of Toussaint do. Where good is good and bad is bad. Where nobles are noble and knights are just."

She just grunted at that.

"It's rather let down by the people though." I went on. "Syanna, De la Tour, Sir Guillaume and his wife Lady Vivienne, even the Duchess are all doing their best. But the number of people that, I think, know about all of the prejudices and in built feelings about the world of the common person born in Toussaint. I think they know it and find more and more ways to take advantage of that."

"What do you mean?"

I had not noticed that she winced when I mentioned Lady Vivienne. I really was walking around with my head in the clouds. I hope it's for understandable reasons but rest assured that I am absolutely mortified that so much passed me by.

"It's like Pacifism." I said. "I like the idea of Pacifism. Not doing any harm to anyone. The idea that we could all live in peace and harmony. With understanding and wonder in each other's cultures as we work to defend ourselves from the hardships of the world. I would love to live in that world. But there will always be people that can take advantage of that. There will always be people that will turn up and slap us down. Who will look at a group of Pacifists and walk up and demand everything that the Pacifists have before killing them if they say no. I think Toussaint is like that. I think people, especially that waste of skin Sir Raoul, see the vulnerabilities and play up on it. Sir Alain is similar except he is less intelligent and he preys, specifically, on vulnerable women. Flame but I would slap the pair of them."

Ariadne chuckled. "But not Sir Morgan?"

"Don't get me wrong, he also needs a slap. But I kind of see where he's coming from. He's an older man who is seeing the world that he lived in and lives for, move away and into the past. All the time he is unwilling, or unable to do any different. I don't like him, I disagree with everything that he thinks and says. But him, I almost feel sorry for. I can't remember who said it but I agree that sooner or later, someone is going to come along that is better than Sir Raoul and Sir Alain. Alain will be killed on the duelling field. Raoul will see it coming and retire I think. Or he will go down in flames, or fake his own death in some way before running off somewhere with all his wealth and settle down to a life of luxury. His life is going to end dark when he runs out of money would be my guess."

"You are probably right. But we have got off topic. You were talking about future plans."

"Yeah. So what is this appointment that you've made for us and when is it going to happen?"

Ariadne harrumphed and grimaced unhappily. "I don't know, a month or so away I think, at most six weeks."

"You don't look happy."

"I'm not. I made the appointment so that you could talk to him about old and alien magic. I want you to see the Elder of my people, the oldest known, living Vampire. So old that he remembers coming through the rifts when the Conjunction occurred."

"Wow." I said as I took in the implications of all of that. "Wow..." I said again. "Flame but imagine the things he could tell us."

"He could," she admitted. "But he won't. He is... He despises visitors and hates having his time waisted even more. He could kill you, Kerrass and I all together in the space of a heart beat. Possibly the most physically and magically powerful being on the face of the continent as we speak."

"What, more than Maleficent?"

"There is a reason that Maleficent doesn't come to Toussaint."

"Wow, more powerful than Jack?"

"I don't know. You can ask him if you like. But I had hoped that he would be able to give you some information about Francesca."

I shuddered as the old hunger washed over me as I thought about all of the things that I could ask him. I closed my eyes and shuddered as the desperation to know. To find out, came over me again and I gasped with it.

"Freddie?" Ariadne asked quietly.

"I'm alright." I told her, breathing heavily.

I realised what was happening and did as I had been taught. I took a deep breath and held it for a few heartbeats before blowing that held breath out hard. I repeated the process before opening my eyes and looking at Ariadne who stood there calmly.

Except she wasn't calm. She was worried. I am getting much better at reading her emotions.

"I am not." I began before having to stop as another shudder rushed through me. "Going to ask about Francesca."

"I know Freddie and I'm proud of you."

"Is there any point in my going?"

"I did suggest that we could forgo the visit if he preferred. But he actually got quite angry. It seems that as well as people, interruptioins and questions, he also rather hates having plans changed. So I'm afraid we're going. There's going to be quite a few people there, or so I'm told anyway."

"It sounds like a conversation that I am going to struggle to enjoy, let alone survive."

"Do not worry. I have arranged hospitality. You are guarenteed to come to no harm, either by himself or others. He seems honestly keen to meet both you and Kerrass."

"I'm sure that Kerrass will be delighted. Hold on though, how did you secure that?"

"I made him a promise."

"What promise."

"I told him that I would obey him for the evening."

We walked along for a while. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"No it doesn't. That's why I'm worried."

"So I need to think of some things to ask him then. So it doesn't just look as though we're wasting his time."

"Pretty much."

We walked on for a while. The path and gate into the palace was coming into sight.

"What about after that though?" I wondered. "Lets assume, just for a moment that it all goes well. What are we going to do after that. Between now and the... wedding?"

"What did Kerrass say?"

"He told me that if I wanted him to, he would stay with me throughout until the wedding itself. But I get the feeling that he is beginning to get itchy feet."

She nodded.

"I feel much the same. I have work to be getting on with. Obviously, or at least I hope that it's obvious, but if you want to come back to Angral and spend the time with me then you would be more than welcome. I think that this would not be the best though. I want some time to look forward to the wedding. I will be going up to Coulthard castle around midsummer anyway in order to help organise things."

"Emma said something similar. There will be a three month, or so, window of just getting everything set up. Meeting those people that can't come or that we don't have room to receive. Things like that."

"And I am a little wary of the two of us spending too much time in each other's pockets. At least, not when I can't tear all your clothes off when I want to."

I shuddered for an entirely different reason and Ariadne laughed.

"I still don't feel too well Ariadne." I warned. "What if I get sick again?"

"Then you will be at your home castle, surrounded by friends and family and if you really need me, I can be at your side in a thought. And there is a long time between now and when the Elder wants to see us. In the terms of your recovery so far. It is only a little longer than the time, in total, since you came to my gate and tried to break off the engagement."

I considered this. "It seems longer." I said.

She smiled at me.

That night was another quiet one. We dined with the Duchess a few of her ladies in waiting and some other notable people. It was a "quiet" dinner or, I suppose, a quiet dinner by Toussaint standards. It was pleasant enough and I enquired of the Duchess as to how things were going with the Knights of Saint Francesca.

She told me that there had been a few efforts to subvert the will of the Knights but they had made their presences felt."

I also commented to Lord Palmerin that I had been in Toussaint for a relatively short time and this was the first time I could remember a night going past without there being a ball or a party of some kind.

He laughed at that. He told me that it was actually quite common for there to be a pause for a few days after the last big ball so that people would remember it more. Then he grinned at me and wondered what my presented art form was going to be for the party the day after tomorrow.

Apparently, he can play a tin whistle.

Natanis the Succubus laughed at him. Apparently her art form would be presented behind closed doors.

Palmerin blushed at that.

I was tired that night and I had a dreamless sleep. Only to be woken up again by a grinning Kerrass.

"Come on," he declared, "we're late."

I stared at the smiling Witcher for a long time that morning. "What's got into you?" I demanded, but then the answer became obvious and I gasped. "You got laid."

He sighed in dissappointment. "You stole my thunder there Freddie, I was going to make a joke about something getting into someone else instead."

I gazed at him flatly as I stirred the honey into my porridge. I might prefer my tea relatively sour but I prefer a lot of honey in my porridge. Go figure. "That's disgusting Kerrass."

"Yes it is. Now hurry up and eat your breakfast so that we can go and train, then we're going to come back here and I'm going to tell you all about it in excruciating detail."

"Can we not? I mean, I'm just having breakfast."

"Freddie, in the not too distant future, you are going to marry your Vampiric sweetheart and all the repressed sexual energy that the two of you have been buttoning up and swallowing for the last year is going to come boiling out of you in a torrent. Honestly Freddie, have you even been laid since Marion?"

"My understanding is that it's Lady Marion nowadays and I have not. Not that it's any of your business but certainly not since Ariadne agreed to marry me. That and..."

"I don't think that she counts. Not really although she would be really angry with me if she heard me say that."

"Perish the thought."

"So you're going to get all gooey, both literally and figuratively, with your Vampiric wife and lover as you both give in to the...what... nearly two years of sexual tension?"

I said nothing and used the pause to shovel more porridge into my mouth.

"So you will forgive me if I enjoy telling you all about my own sexual conquests a bit. Especially one that has been quite this amount of fun."

"Where is Ariadne anyway?" I wondered, looking around the room.

"Apparently, she and Laurelen had an errand to run. Mark is sleeping in as he's made himself quite tired over the last few days and Emma has meetings."

"She always has meetings." It was not a sour comment, more of a teasing one.

"Yeah, but that's the way of things. Are you done?"

I looked at his uncharacteristically cheerful face. "Are you babysitting me?" I wondered.

"Yes." Kerrass said with a smile. "I'm not even going to hide it. Yes, I am babysitting you. Just as I was yesterday and Ariadne took over in the afternoon. To be fair though, the last time you wandered off by yourself, you fainted and hit your head."

"True." I admitted while utterly failing to ask if there was any other reason that I was being looked after and escorted everywhere.

We went outside and trained for a few hours. Mostly things about building up stamina. Again, I was staggeringly lacking in this area but there was another problem that I was struggling with. Namely that I was getting emotional in the middle of the combat training. As Kerrass and I fought, ir as I worked the training dummies, I was astonished to find tears pricking at the back of my eyes and found the breath shuddering in my throat.

Kerrass would always spot it and lead me off to another activity. The drills were bad as well although that was for a different reason. In going through the same movements over and over again, I found my mind wanting to drift and with the aches and pains in my limbs, my mind seemed to want me to go to some quite unpleasant and painful places.

"What's happening Kerrass?" I asked, relatively calmly as the tears began to stream down my face.

"There's a technical term for it." He said calmly as he handed me a skin of water with the smallest hint of wine in order to purify. "Although I do not know what it is."

"It's called emotional resonance, or occasionally, emotional context." Said another, much more unwelcome voice. "No don't get up Lord Frederick. I can tell that you are too weak right now for proper pleasantries."

I looked into the sneering face of of Sir Raoul Le Blanc who had come onto the training field. Even his arming jacket was white and again, like his formal attire had been, it was absolutely spotless. How they all managed that is something that I will never know. I can well imagine him getting changed into things just out of sight. Just round the corner there would be a group of servants who's job it is to get him into all of these things so that he appears spotless and pristine. Then they will take it all off him when he was done training before putting a new jacket on and wandering off down the corridor, still looking pristine.

"I've seen it before." Sir Raoul went on. "It happens sometimes when a man is not strong enough for the trials that they have been through. Admittedly in my case, it is to do with men who have fallen from their horse or taken a severe injury in combat and are working to get back into their former standards. They will be training with an instructor or a training dummy and then suddenly, all the physical exertion will remind them of the time that they did this when they were hurt. So then their body and mind go back to the same place. The body will feel the pain that they felt at the time. The mind will feel the fear and the anguish and then there will be the physical results of that. Tears, shakes and so on."

He smiled at me. Even though, had I wanted, the smile could easily have been mistaken for a sneer.

If I wanted to think of it like that.

"It is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means that you were not strong enough for the things that you went through."

"I thank you for your concern, Sir." I told him as I felt the first tremors take my limbs. I reached for my jacket that had been discarded when I was warming up and pulled out the medicine bottle before taking a swig. There had been nothing in anything that he had said that I could really call insult at. But he had insulted me and I desperately wanted to smack him in the face.

"Do not mention it. As you are so obviously out of commission for a while. Witcher?"

"Mmm?" Kerrass looked up.

"I have long since wanted to test my blade against a Witcher. Lord Geralt never seems to be willing to take me up on my desire to train with him. As I flatter myself that I am among the more skilled swordsmen here, would you care for a bout?"

Kerrass really wanted to I think. There was a glint in his eye that I hadn't seen in a while. The desire to cut a pricked up idiot down to size.

"No," he said shaking his head. "I am afraid that I must care for my friend and help him work through his problems. Given that they are, at least partially, my fault."

"Ah, I see." Sir Raoul nodded and smiled. "A child must climb back aboard the horse after falling."

"As you say sir."

"Very well. I will see if I can find a couple of other people to train with. I need a couple of people to push me you see."

"Have you tried the Knights of Saint Francesca?" I wondered before I could stop myself.

He snorted in blatant derision. "Those poor excuses for knights are a blight on the name of your sister." He told me, just this side of a snarl. "With a couple of exceptions who were trained in the old ways, I would not even pause in my stride as I cut my way through their entire organisation. Only Guillaume would give me a real test and he was always better on a horse than he was on foot. How he managed to secure the hand of Lady Vivienne I will never know?"

"I rather thought that he loved her and showed her proper devotion."

"Or so the story said." Sir Raoul showed me his real sneer. "Personally I think it much more likely that the stupid bitch allowed herself to get pregnant. They certainly ran off after the wedding quick enough to disguise a mistimed pregnancy. Rumours of the time said that Guillaume was in and out of her tent regularly at night."

"Which might confirm the rumours of genuine and heartfelt love." I said. Not really wanting to listen to this much further.

"Love." Sir Raoul sneered. "Love is unimportant next to status, wealth and security. To be honest, I have never really believed that love exists. It is an excuse for irresponsible behaviour, that is all. Lust I can understand although I cannot claim to understand what some women see in... certain men."

I don't know who he was talking about when he said that last part. Whether it was a dig about Ariadne and I, whether it was about Lady Vivienne and her feelings for Sir Guillaume. Or whether it was a dig at Kerrass as if he knew about Kerrass and Lady Moineau. I have no idea. But it seemed to be all encompassing. As though it might also be that he is cross because of all the women that didn't find him attractive.

A woman's mind is a wonderous mystery but I don't think that there is any wondering at all about why there wasn't anyone that found Sir Raoul attractive enough to be receptive to a marriage proposal.

"After all," he went on. "At the time, Guillaume was an, at best, above averagely skilled knight. His wealth is not great and he would always be second to his uncle. Wheras I come from a rich, old family. My estates are beautiful and... well, no point in going over old ground."

"Were you interested in Lady de Tabris yourself?" Kerrass wondered.

"I was more than interested. I was already deep in negotiation with the Duchess and I am sure that Her Grace would have been receptive to my suit soon."

We stood in uncomfortable silence for a while. I had not been there, nor had I ever been involved in that kind of conversation. But I was more than a little convinced that the Duchess had been stringing Sir Raoul along and that he would never have been allowed to even begin to woo one of her ladies in waiting.

"Well." Kerrass said, deciding that he had enough of all the awkwardness. "Time to get you moving against Lord Frederick," he never calls me that, "you will forgive us Sir Raoul?"

"Of Course. Have at it gentlemen."

I levered myself up to my feet and Kerrass moved with me to a part of the training field that was far away, but not so far away that we would look as though we were avoiding Sir Raoul.

"I don't understand." I said. "I would have thought you would enjoy the chance to humiliate the fucker."

"That guy?" Kerrass wondered. "I would. But this is his arena. And when it comes, I don't want him to see what I can do."

"What do you mean?"

"You remember when we were watching the contests and it was mentioned that that knight, whatsisname, was having difficulty lifting his arm."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, I don't want that idiot to see whether or not I can lift my arm."

"Fair enough."

"And it's a practice field. He would easily turn it round and suggest that I had cheated and not worked within the realms of the practice yard."

I took that in and considered it for a bit as we worked for a while longer.

We worked for another half an hour or so before it became obvious that Sir Raoul was watching us closely which was making us both a little uncomfortable. We did some stretches and some basic exercises. It was uncomfortably like being spied on. As though we were being judged for doing something sacriligious.

We went back inside for lunch to find that Mark was in the rooms while lunch was served.

"Wait." I said as I saw him waiting there. "You were waiting for us weren't you?"

"Yes." Mark admitted without shame. "Need to make sure that you're healthy."

"So you're part of this whole conspiracy as well?" I accused. "I thought I could at least get some solidarity from the man who would understand what it's like to have people fussing over you all day and every day."

"And you have my everlasting sympathy." He retorted. "But if you think that this means that I'm not going to keep an eye on you for any length of time then you need to think again." He took on a brotherly attitude of superiority. "It is a big brother's duty to remind his younger siblings how much better than them he is in just about every way."

Kerrass chuckled as he made himself a ham and cheese sandwhich out of the stuff that had been left for us.

"Also," Mark went on. "I thought it would be made clear by now that, as a priest, a lot of what I talk about is a case of "Do as I say" rather than "Do what I do"."

"Ooof." Kerrass said.

"Bit harsh on your fellow priest there brother mine." I told him.

"Not particularly." He sniffed, a flash of anger darting across his face. "Not even that harsh on myself if we're being honest with each other." The anger was followed by a look of sadness. "When I started my work about returning the Eternal Flame back to it's more traditional values of service, charity and care, I was doing it because it would make me stand out from the crowd. It would help me to be noticed by the hierarchy. That and it seemed to fall in line with some of the things that we had been taught when we were younger."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"But the thing about being told that you are terminally ill is that it's actually quite freeing in many ways. I no longer have a future, or a career to protect. I don't need to jealously guard influence or wealth. I can just do what I want and say what I want and the repercussions are immaterial. I mean, what's the worst that they can do to me?"

There was pride in his voice. Also anger and bitterness.

"But still. I can see things for how they are now." He went on. "Illness has stolen all the illusions from my eyes. It is as though a cover has been torn away from me and I see the world for what it is. Which means that I have also been exposed to the hypocrisies that the church of the Eternal Flame subjects itself to. As well as the horros that we have done to our fellow man, let alone the non-humans that we share the continent with."

He thought about this for a while.

"One of those revelations is that, we came through the conjunction. The Elves came similarly. We also know that there have been conjunctions before and there will be conjunctions again. We drove the Elves to extinction. What happens if, next time the pathways between worlds open, someone comes through and is to us what we were to the Elves? Will they not judge us based on what we did to the Elves and what the Elves did to the Vran and the Werebubs?"

He stared at the two of us for a moment and a look of almost comical dawning horror came across his face.

"Sorry." He said after a while. "The two of you don't need to listen to the Existential fear of a dying priest."

"This is true," Kerrass agreed. "However, if you will forgive some crypt level humour, you won't be around to enjoy it. Therefore you can life without fear from the coming apocalypse."

We laughed a little wryly.

"Ah but Kerrass, my friend." Sam went on with a sly smile. "You are missing the point about being a priest. It is my task to prepare people properly for the coming horror and terror that will, inevitably sweep the land."

Kerrass laughed. "Fair point."

I basked for a moment. Thinking that the two men had come a long way in their relationship since they had first met. A wary Witcher and a condemning priest.

"But, you are correct." Sam said. "Now is not the time for such doom laden prophecising. I want to hear something funny. Tell me all about your romantic conquests of the good lady Moineau. If ever there was a woman who needed some joy in her life then it is that one."

"She needs something in her life certainly." I leered at Kerrass.

"Or something in her." Mark agreed. Astonishing both Kerrass and I.

"Your Grace." Kerrass bellowed in mock astonishment, obscuring some of the tittering that I heard from the Knights that were still lining the walls. Including from the female ones.

"I've said before, and I will say again. I have heard things in Confessional that would make your toes curl. I have heard things that were, honestly, kind of... extreme. Even when they weren't acted upon by the people under my care. A woman claiming that all she wanted was a good hard shag from someone with a greater length and wider girth than her husband was actually relatively tame, given some of the things that people would tell me from time to time."

Kerrass and I exchanged glances. "Tell me more." Kerrass said leaning forward with interest.

Mark laughed. "Oh no. Seal of Confessional and all that. Besides which, it's your turn. I never had any interest in that side of life except when I get to live vicariously through other other people."

"Yes. Since my self-impost celibacy..." I began.

"As well as your illness related." Mark added.

"Yes, that. I, also, would like to hear of your adventures. Even if that leads to your utter and abject embarrassment."

Kerrass grinned at me. "Challenge accepted." He said ominously.

It might sound more lascivious than it actually was. But the truth was that the story was actually kind of sweet. There was an extra dimension to it, to be sure, given that both players had kind of known what was going on. It was almost... It was as though both of them had had a romantic fantasy that they were playing out. On Kerrass' part, he was the Witcher. The uncouth vagabond who protected himself from the world and the generalised feelings by projecting an outer shell of hardness and aloof restraint while underneath he secretly just wanted to be loved.

For her part, she was the demure and proper woman, trapped in an unhappy marriage with a man that did not appreciate either her beauty or her charms. She longed for a caring and loving touch and, I suppose, an escape from societies constraints.

It was like a story out of some kind of cheap, hokey romance book. The kind that Emma used to read when we were younger so that she could laugh at all the silliness. (Father used to buy them for her in the hope that she would get interested in boys. Heh, seems funnier now than it probably was at the time.)

But here was the kicker, both Kerrass and Lady Moineau knew that this was what was going on. They knew that it was ridiculous. They knew that it was over the top and they knew that such a thing would never actually happen in the real world.

But they both fit their roles and just because it was a romantic cliché, in this case, it was also true. They were both lonely, romantically starved, both attractive and without discussing it, they were both playing their roles accordingly.

The story had started shortly after our arrival. While Sir Alain was off dissappointing another lover...

(Freddie: Kerrass would pass on the gossip from Lady Moineau. Apparently, he was nearly called Alain the Lightening. Because he was "Lightening fast". A joke that was passed around some of the women until Alain heard it and in order to have a quiet life, Lady Moineau had told him that it was a nickname that was born out of his speed with a blade. Sir Alain had taken this to heart and for a while, he had ordered lightening bolts to be added to his armour. Apparently, it had soon stopped being funny.)

… Lady Moineau had been at one of the early receptions that Kerrass had been at and had been unable to take her eyes off the Witcher. Like all women in the area, she had met Lord Geralt and had noticed that Lady Yennefer had not shown any of the... tension or frustration that is common to her gender in those parts and the gossip said that this was because Lady Yennefer had the attentions of... and she quoted... "a real man."

When we had last been in Toussaint, like all of the people there, Lady Moineau had been caught up by the story of what happened to Francesca. Her husband had tried to keep her out of it, but all that he had achieved was to stoke her fascination in the subject. As a result she had gone out and purchased, through a maid apparently, a full copy of my diaries and had read them voraciously. She had, again apparently, all I have for this is Kerrass' word on the subject, been particularly fascinated by the story of Kerrass and Sleeping Beauty. She had wept, cheered, laughed and wept again throughout the course of that entire story. Then she had felt her heart go out to him for his stymied and frustrated romance with the forlorn, neglected and abused Princess.

So what was a frustrated romantic to do when Kerrass came back to Toussaint, but to set about seducing him. She had been overjoyed when Kerrass had picked up on the signals that she had sent him and he had set about fulfilling her fantasies about what it would be like to love such a man as this.

Kerrass laughed as he told her all of this. But I think he was also genuinely moved. He would never agree with this and refuses to acknowledge it. But I think I'm on to something here.

Kerrass is lonely and he is frustrated about his lack of romantic life. Although he does have a very healthy sex life, he is lacking some honest connection and longer term romantic life. So the ability to spend some time in one place and enjoy the attentions of a beautiful woman who would love him, however briefly, for who and what he was, was attractive and intoxicating. He was moved that this unhappy and miserable woman would find him and consider him worthy.

Overall, my judgement was that they were both starved of some romance and affection. I would guess that either of them could find sex if they really wanted it. But that sense of longing?

So as Sam and I had observed. In the intervening time, the pair of them had played their little game. The aloof, frustrated and longing woman. The surly, unpleasant and uncouth Witcher with the heart of gold. They had flirted, avoided each other while being sure to always bump into each other. They found each other in isolated areas where they would kiss before one or other of them would realise that "they couldn't possibly" and fleeing leaving the other with tears of frustration upon their cheeks.

Kerrass described it as a game of chicken. How close could they get to actually having sex without losing their own senses of control. Which was iron clad in both of them.

Then, the other night, without communicating with each other, it had come to a head. Kerrass had been hunting "something" near the villa where Lady Moineau was staying, without her husband so that he could cut a swathe through the ladies in town, and she had gone out to meet Kerrass.

Again, I stress that this account is from Kerrass.

She had found him in a hidden dell where Kerrass was examining the ground. Being a Witcher he could hear and smell her coming. She was wearing a loose, if demure dress and her hair was a simple arrangement. She had a picnic hamper and a blanket and tried to tell him that she had brought him food and wondered if she could join him. They had eaten, Kerrass pretending to be shy in the presence of so beautiful and cultured a lady and then, as he had gotten up to "return to work in the early evening gloom," she had caught his wrist and pulled him into, what Kerrass described as, a searing kiss.

He had returned the kiss at first before pulling away to continue the game and say that she was too good for him and that he was unworthy of her.

But she had looked at him with her eyes wide and a flush in her cheeks before she whispered. "Am I so ugly?"

Kerrass had lost his control then. He told us that there had been a painfull honesty in that whisper that had caught at his heart and he knew that the game was over.

So in his words, he did his best to show her that she was far from ugly.

They had stayed outside for that, being kept warm by Kerrass' warm stones trick. He was confident that he would hear anyone sneaking up and watching them and the two had talked which is where they had come to terms with honesty.

She freely admitted that part of the problem was that she loved the idea of her husband. The noble, handsome and dashing knight. Pride of the jousting field. But that the reality was so utterly disappointing. She envied Lady Vivienne, who she had been friends with before their respective marriages, and Lady Vivienne's curse had caused them to drift apart. She envied Lady Vivienne her loving and devoted husband. She had thought that she could change Sir Alain before it had been proven impossible. So she was left, isolated on family estates. Too distant to maintain friendships except by letter. Too seperate from a husband to either provide children or company. She had looked around herslef and thought, "This is my life now." Before something in her rebelled at this.

She admitted that she was of Toussaint enough to know that she would never leave her husband. She was not trying to trap anyone into duelling her husband, but she was left kind of hoping that someone would and kill him for her. Not that she ever said that aloud. The problem was that while Sir Raoul was the best Jouster in Toussaint, with only Sir Gregor and, more recently, Sir Guillaume to give him pause. Sir Alain was the best sword.

By some margin apparently.

The problem was that the sword tournaments were not nearly as prestigious as the joust and so Sir Alain had insisted on taking part in the Joust as well.

So she would never actually try and manipulate anyone into duelling Sir Alain which, apparently, many other women of her caste and standing would. This was because she knew that they would probably lose and she might as well just slit the poor man's throat instead. So she had confined herself to small, fleeting affairs with travelling bards. Men who would not stay for long and would not even dream of trying to duel a man like Sir Alain.

Did Kerrass love her? We asked him a few times and he claimed not. After a bit more probing and questioning by the pair of us, we got it out of him that he might, eventually, love her given time, access and openness. But he was honest enough to admit that he loved the idea of her. He loved the fantasy of the beautiful noble woman falling for a man like him.

He also admitted that she loved the idea of him. But she was too much of her caste and her nation to be able to consider any kind of long term love with a Witcher. She could certainly never marry him if Sir Alain were to die. She would not follow him on the path and he could not stay in Toussaint.

So they had agreed to a torrid, if careful, but passionate affair while he was in the Duchy. Which, after all, was going to be for at least a month longer yet. Then they would kiss each other on the cheek and move on with some happy memories to keep themselves warm as Kerrass went on the path and she returned to an unhappy marriage.

Indeed, he was supposed to meet her that very evening. Sir Alain was in town and the woman that Lady Moineau was staying with was sympathetic to Lady Moineau's plight. She would claim ignorance if Lady Moineau and Kerrass were caught though so there was an arrangement of pretended secrecy. Kerrass would arrive, climb into Lady Moineau's bedroom and folk would ignore the cries of passion that came from the bedroom.

And in the morning, her host would ask Lady Moineau for all the salacious details.

Much like we were asking Kerrass for now.

Kerrass took it with agreeable good graces however and stayed with us until early evening when Ariadne arrived back from wherever it was that she had gone. Kerrass nodded as she arrived and left almost immediately.

I stared at them all as levelly as I could before laughing at them all. "You folks are taking this all a little seriously."

"Taking what seriously?" Mark snapped,

"Ummm." His sudden temper took me back. "This shift pattern that you're all arranging. I feel much better."

"Oh." Mark subsided, visibly relaxing.

"I mean, I still feel tired all the time and a regular headache but..."

"I'm sorry Freddie." He told me. "I umm..."

"Don't worry about it." I said, losing some of my own good humour. "I just have to get used to everyone looking out for me all the time. But," I forced some humour into my voice, "if you think that you're all going to wrap me in swaddling clothes during this entire thing, and I'm not going to have some fun with it all. Then I have to admit that you don't know me very well at all."

Mark forced a smile before rubbing at his eyes.

"I know." He said. "I'm just... you're not the only person that's having to..." He took a deep breath. "Get used to things." He finished before rising to his feet. "I think I'm going to go and have a lie down."

"Are you alright?" I asked. "Mark, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Although if I could quickly check a few things with Ariadne I think I would appreciate it."

Ariadne nodded. "You'll stay here Freddie?"

The conversation had gone serious when I wasn't looking. "Are you sure you're ok?" I demanded of Mark.

"I said I'm fine." He snapped and stomped off towards his room.

"Ok, so now I'm really worried." I told my fiancee.

"I will check." She said, moving to follow my brother. "Do not worry, I will tell you if there is anything going on that you need to worry about."

She was in the room with Mark for only a short while before she came back out. "He's worried Freddie." She told him. "He's worried about you and he's feeling his mortality a little bit today. Do not concern yourself over much. He just needs a bit of rest."

She pulled me into a hug. I had not enjoyed the sharp edges of Mark's temper being directed at me again. It reminded me a little too closely of times gone by for my ease and comfort.

"Are you alright Freddie?" Ariande wondered when I started trembling.

"No." I forced myself to be truthful. "I... Ummm... I have been so caught up in what's happening with my mind and body that I've forgotten what's going on with everyone else and I..."

"You are being foolish Freddie." She told me firmly. "Guilt for your own illness is unfounded. We have all told you that you need to take care of yourself and to take things easy so you are not to blame if you have followed our instructions."

She squeezed me gently as part of the hug.

"Speaking as someone who is not an outsider, I think you all sometimes forget how similar you all are to each other. You all want to fix everything all the time and Mark is no exception. He is struggling with the fact that he has done as much as he can and that is all out of his hands. He wants to head north again so that he can get on with his work but he wants to stay here because he's enjoying himself and feels the need to look after you and Emma."

"Emma doesn't need looking after."

"No she doesn't. But remember this. To you, Emma is your big sister, your female role model and your feminine influence when you were growing up. She was your mother as well in many ways and you look up to her and idolise her. Whereas to Mark, she is the little sister that he remembers having to protect from Edmund when Edmund wanted to pull her pigtails. He thinks of her, the same way you think of Francesca. He thinks of all of you that way and he is struggling with that."

We sat and talked for a while, exchanging gossip about this and that. We talked for a while without really saying very much. Just enjoying each other's company and I found, much to my astonishment, that I felt as though I had missed her. We hadn't spent nearly as much time as we would both have liked given everything that was happening and had happened and it was good to just take the time to sit and chat.

Emma arrived a few hours later just as it was coming to be time to begin to get ready to go to dinner that evening. She came in with a face like thunder.

"Mark?" She demanded.

"He's in his room." Ariadne replied.

Emma had stormed off before Ariadne had even finished the sentence.

Laurelen was a much calmer influence as she came in and poured herself a drink.

"What was all that about?" I wondered.

"Ariadne told me about Mark's little temper tantrum earlier." Laurelen told me reasonably.

I glanced over at Ariadne who shrugged.

"I'm not sure how I feel about my fiancee having a direct telepathic link to my sister in law." I commented.

Laurelen blushed a little. She always likes it when I refer to her as part of the family. Although Mark has managed to make a friendship with Laurelen now, he still sees marriage to be the barrier for Laurelen to properly join the family. A product of his priestly training we assume.

"In this case it was relevent." Ariadne replied "as part of what is going on with your brother involves Emma so..."

"Which part?" I wondered. Not unreasonably I felt.

"Sorry." Ariadne said. "Told in confidence."

There was no getting away from a touch of the awkwardness that came from that. We changed for dinner but there was a tension in the air as we joined the Duchess and some of the other dinitaries that are always coming and going in Beauclair for dinner. It was not the best dinner or evening that we spent in Toussaint. I think that the passage of time will tell us as to whether or not it would be considered the worst though.

I found the process incredibly jarring and unpleasant. There had been far too many awkward dinners and conversations at my family dinner table for precisely that kind of unpleasantness. Arguments between father and one or more of his children. Arguments between children and that kind of passive aggression is something that I have always despised. It was disheartening for me as I had rather come to hope that, as a family, we had moved past this kind of nonsense. That Edmund and father's deaths would have removed a lot of the causes of that tension.

But whatever else he had done. Father had brought up children with strong personalities and it seemed a little as though the honeymoon period was over and that we were reverting to type a little.

As I say, I found the entire proccess to be intensely depressing and by the time the third course, an undeniably delicious roast pheasant with a red berry jus, had been served, I just wanted the evening to be over. Ariadne arranged matters so that she could sit next to me and whenever possible, even through conversations with other people, she would hold my hand and talk me through things using our link so that I didn't just explode.

She steered me through that night. It was tough, there is no way of obscuring that matter and more than one person, including the Duchess, enquired as to whether or not I was alright, only for Ariadne to skillfully divert the attention and lead me off to another area so that I could catch my breath.

Ariadne and I left the gathering as early as we could without feeling as though we had been rude or unpleasant to anyone and it was a good job that we had. Even with a swig of the medicine that I had been given, I was still shaking like a leaf by the time that we got back to our quarters. Ariadne led me into my room where Anne had already got back from wherever she goes during the day.

Between the two women they got me out of my formal clothes and they held me on the bed as I shook, wept and waited for me to come out the other side of what was affecting me. This was one of those times where I don't remember to much coherent about what I said and what I do remember was rather embarassing.

At the time, I didn't know much about Anne's life before she came into mine, but I knew that it couldn't have been easy. I didn't want to talk about family history and about how the behaviour of my brothers and sister were affecting me at the moment but between the pair of them, they dragged stories about what life had been like round my father's dinner table.

Anne had been upset on my behalf and although I remain grateful to her for many things, the fact that she could remain outraged for a small nobleman feeling awful because of a family history while showing me sympathy, understanding and care is one of the big ones.

Ariadne's face went stony before she smoothed her features and focused on convincing me that any family, whether the highest in the land down to the lowest village begger, deserved to have open love and friendship around the family table, even if there was no other time that that could be managed.

I was somewhat pleased that Anne seemed to agree.

Emma, Mark and Laurelen arrived back at our suite later on. Ariadne looked up at their arrival and her head tilted to one side. She is much more practised at making sure that her movements and behaviour follow human patterning now. So it's much rarer to spot the fact that she isn't human except in moments of extreme emotional stress. Even then, she resorts to human behaviour and hiding her emotional response behind a mask of reserve and care.

But the way her head turned and tilted in that moment reminded me of a bird that was looking around itself because it had heard something in the bushes.

I know that certain species of Vampire have an affinity for birds and the like, for reasons that I do not understand and have never asked Ariadne for fear of being rude. And which Kerrass claims he doesn't know. He just knows that women who attract the company of birds need to be watched carefully.

But this was the first time that I had seen Ariadne displaying any bird like behaviours. When she allows other, more animalistic behaviour to shine through, she behaves more like a cat or a dog. Maybe a wild fox, especially when she is afraid.

"Time for me to go?" She said, gently helping me into bed. I reached for her in my half asleep, half drugged up state. "Shhh. My love." She said, taking my hand and kissing it. "I will not be far and Anne will take care of you. I have some things to say and some things to do."

"I will be here." Anne had taken the moment to quickly change into her night clothes and climbed in next to me, pulling me into her arms.

Ariadne had left by the time I thought to look for her. "I am still here." her voice echoed in my head. "Rest now my love."

Despite the love and care that Ariadne sent my way through the link. Despite the warm and beautiful woman that held me close and muttered gentle and soothing words into my ear. Despite the potions running through my system and my emotional fatigue. It took me a long time to sleep.

I thought I could hear Ariadne shouting.

Once again, it is easy to look back on these things and tell myself that I should have been paying more attention. And yes, if I hadn't been drugged, upset and emotionally exhausted, I might have followed through on that half dream, half memory in the morning.

But I didn't. Because I could only dimly remember it in the morning. And the morning was full of activity.

This was the monthly gathering of artist's party that was helf at the estate of a lady called Orianna. The lady herself was not in town, or even in Toussaint from what I heard. This due to there being some kind of scandal that I didn't get to hear everything about. Apparently, she had had a massive argument with Lord Geralt and Lady Yennefer about something, but no-one could quite tell me what that argument was about. The Duchess herself had gotten involved due to a long standing friendship with the Lady Orianna but, much to everyone's astonishment, the Duchess had sided with the Witcher and the Sorceress rather than the Lady of longstanding occupation in Toussaint.

No-one knows why although, apparently, it was something to do with the Orphanage on the outside of town.

But that isn't important to what was happening with the party and with us. The Lady Orianna was supposed to be a famed patron of the arts and many is the artist that owes their livelihood to that lady herself. She seemed to have delighted in all forms of artistic expression and she had been known to enjoy the company of famed painters, all the way down to the sculptor who had taken up a chisel for the first time.

To that end, she would host grand parties at her residence in Beauclair itself where everyone would come in order to demonstrate what they were capable of before the lady herself who, or so i'm told, would remain on her balcony, ignoring the fashion or theme of the party itself, where she would watch the party below with a goblet of wine in her hand and a small smile on her lips.

Lord Geralt and Lady Yennefer have obviously made themselves welcome in Toussaint, their decision to stay out of the way of the more experienced wine makers rather than interfering in their vinyard being one of the things that has garnered them some of that respect. Having said that, there is still some resentment among certain elements of the nobility of Toussaint, that they have been responsible for the disappearance of Lady Orianna.

The fact that the Duchess seemed to agree with the course of action does not seem to matter a great deal.

The parties themselves have taken on a slightly different hue since the lady herself is no longer in attendance. It is still a time for artistic expression and the money to host these parties has to come from somewhere, but where that is seems to be in some form of argument. But now, the parties are themed.

The winter party seems to have been declared to be about enjoyment. It was something designed to remind people that art is difficult and that artists should not be taken for granted.

I can see the argument and apply it to my own experience. One of the earliest arguments that I had with Father was about my chosen field of study. I wanted to study history and he told me that I could pursue that as a hobby while I took care of much more important work. I told him that this was ridiculous and that the proper study of history would take time, effort and investment. Naturally Father was incenced. He believed that you could read a book on the subject and know everything there was to know about it. Whereas the truth of the matter is that you could read several books, talk to people that were there to witness the events in question and you would still not have learned everything there was to learn on the topic. Indeed, many of the books and points of view would tell you something completely opposite to each other and it is therefore, the skill of a historian to find the truth of the matter. Even as we acknowledge that the actual truth of the matter will never be found.

So it is all to easy for me to imagine a sculptor being told that sculpting is easy and why should the purchaser of the statue pay so much for, essentially, a pretty lump of stone when anyone could pick up a hammer and a chisel and produce the same thing.

Without guessing the cost of the stone, the type of the stone, the weight of the hammer the sharpness of the chisel, how to cut, where to cut, how hard to swing the hammer, how many different hammers and chisels do you need, how much time it takes, how big the statue is, and so on and so on.

Artistry is a craft as much as a talent. Ariadne and Laurelen both agreed that it is much the same as magic in that regard. Part knowledge, part craft and part talent and it entirely depends on what needs to be produced as to how much of each thing is needed.

So this particular party was about proving that to all the people that would come.

The price of entry was that everyone that came, no matter their wealth or their status had to bring some kind of art to the party. Whether that was a piece of poetry, or a song. A sculpture or a painting. You had to have produced, or produce that art yourself. So you could carve your own statue, or you could paint your own painting. But you could sing a song that someone else had written or perform a piece of poetry that someone else had written.

But there was one other rule. You could not use a piece of art that you had already made money off. For example, I could not have brought any of the pieces of writing that had already been published in order to profit off it.

Or as another example, Professor Dandelion would not be able to perform any of his "Saga of the White Wolf." He would need to bring something new. However, I could perform a part of the piece should I so wish it.

It was a party where people went to laugh at each other as much as it was a party to elevate the artists that were in attendance. Other than those lucky few people that had time to commit to some kind of hobby away from their day job. And where that hobby was some kind of artistic expression. People were expected to be good sports abtout he entire thing and it was considered bad form to duel someone for making fun of their lousy attempts at stringing some words and sentences together in order to create poetry.

I was not looking forward to the party. No matter how much I tried, I could not twist any kind of history or recounting of history into an art form. As I write this, I am actually some distance from these events and it is with the benefit of a clearer head and better thought processes, that what I could actually have done was to stand and tell one of the epic tales of Skellige. One of the shorter ones that I had been told while we were travelling on the Wave-Serpent. Or something that some apprentice Skald had told in the hall. But at the time, when Emma and Mark were teasing me about what I was going to perform. While Kerrass was practising his own art form...

He was going to do some tricks with Alchemy. I had no idea what it was but he had told Ariadne and she had said that if it worked, then it was certainly going to be a sight to see.

… and Ariadne and Laurelen were conferring about what they were going to do, the idea escaped me. I still had a brain that was befuddled by left over drugs, fatigue and emotions from the previous day. The air seemed to have lightened more than somewhat in the family itself and the atmosphere in the room was much lighter and more pronounced.

I tried to go for a walk in order to clear my head but I was told, in no uncertain terms that I needed to take someone with me which was impossible. Ariadne and Emma were still preparing a few things, getting their cantrips in the right order and the like while Kerrass had gone off to find a nice quiet basement in order to brew some of the potions that he would need that night.

So I didn't even have the space to let my mind relax and come up with anything. Frustration is, in my experience, not the best thing in order to help a mind come up with anything creative. I paced, up and down quite a bit, much to everyone's continued amusement.

I did not react well to the laughter. I wanted to be looking forward to the coming festivities, but instead, I was going to end up being the butt of everyone's jokes. There are times and places for that kind of thing and if I had been feeling better then I think, I hope, that I would have taken this entire thing a lot better.

But that's not how the brain works is it. I wanted to go to the party, drink the drink, eat the food and cheer the displays of the various people. I wanted to go "ooh" at the fireworks and gasp in admiration at whatever it was that Kerrass had in mind. I wanted to show pride in what my bride to be produced and I wanted to smile along as Emma sang some kind of bawdy tavern song that she learned while she was hanging out with the merchant caravan.

In the end, I resolved to do something similar...

That's not quite true. I actually resolved to stay at the back somewhere and hope that I wouldn't get noticed so that I could escape out the back before my turn came. Cowardly? Yes. Absolutely and I only have a little bit of shame at the fact that this was so. I also, rather unfairly, thought that my status as an invalid meant that I would be able to avoid having to sing, dance or do whatever it was.

But this was not a good enough excuse apparently.

The other obvious solution that occurs now, at time of writing, is that I could, simply speaking, not go. I could have stayed at the palace and have an early night. But again, it had been decided that I needed to get out a bit and have some fun.

Here's another lesson for those people that might know someone that is struggling with the way that their brain works. If they are not well or struggling with their mood, then do not force them into doing something or going somewhere that they are obviously uncomfortable with. They will thank you for it.

So we all dressed up in yet another suit of fancy clothes that had been made for us by the Duchess' own tailor and we headed down to the house. It was a large place near the gate of the city that led past the gardens. The walls of the complex, because it was a complex of buildings rather than a simple house, were rather high and Kerrass made a joke about them being so high to prevent people from escaping having to take their turn at singing along.

I glared at him.

"Do not worry," Ariadne whispered in my ear as she linked her hand through mine. "Whatever happens, I will link my arm through yours, kiss you on the lips and tell you that you did really well."

"That's not reassuring." I told her. "Also, what happens later when I give you a book to read that I have written and you link your arm through mine, kiss me on the lips and tell me that I did really well."

She put her head on one side as she considered.

"I had not thought about that." She said. "Then I shall endeavour to be as honest as possible. It will not spare your feelings but I promise that despite everything else, I will still love you afterwards."

She was astonished to hear that this did not actually make me feel any better.

I won't lie, it was a hell of a party.

We had to queue to get in. as there were servants on the door that were taking notes as to who was in attendance and what each guest were going to perform. It gave me a chance to listen to some gossip from some of the other guests who were looking forward to some of the entertainment. There seemed to be some trepidation about the Knights of Saint Francesca taking over the security of the realm. Something about them being untested in regards to current circumstances and that maybe they would be better off if they would allow themselves to ask for help from more experienced parties.

I didn't hear what it was that they actually needed to ask for help with because just as I was about to learn that, Emma or Mark would speak over what was being said rather loudly. Much to my annoyance.

But we also learned that a lot of these kinds of parties were masquerades rather than the open faced nature of the party that we were attending that evening. Why this might be the case seemed to be something of a mystery although it seemed that a couple of the more wealthy patrons, who saw to keeping the parties running in the absence of the Hostess, had insisted that this be the case.

It came to be our turn. The servants took us aside into a covered tent like area where they took our names and asked us what particular artform that we were going to demonstrate and as to whether or not we required any kinds of specialised area to set up our displays or whether anything needed to be roped off or prepared.

I said that I needed none of these things and the servant in question must have recognised the nervousness in my voice as she gave me a knowing and sympathetic smile.

They moved the side of the tent aside and we descended down some steps. How I got to the bottom of the steps I will never know because my eyes were under assault. There was one word that was going through my head over and over again.

"Colour." My brain seemed to be screaming at me. "So much Colour."

At first, I could take in nothing other than this assault to the visual senses. Swirling patterns of primary and secondary patterns, sometimes clashing but sometimes blending together in horrible, horrible ways that drew the eye, hypnoitsed and repulsed with equal abandon.

Ariadne, hanging off my arm laughed with delight at what we saw. We had all dressed with much less reserve than we had used earlier.

Other than Mark of course. No matter how much he tries, he can never escape the fact that he is a churchman first.

But Ariadne looked radient. She had transferred her holy symbol of the Eternal Flame to a choker which showed off her neck and now she was wearing an off the shoulder dress that did interesting things to her upper body. But even despite the fact that we had made an effort to be in a more partylike series of outfits, we were still dressed sedately.

We got to the bottom of the stairs and servants were offering the entering guests a small cup of a strong red wine and when I asked what it was the servant laughed. "It is Joy," he said.

Another servant came to collect my cloak that I had absently removed. It would seem that the patrons of these parties could afford to persuade Lady Vigo, or some other mage, to cast some kind of warming spell over the courtyard. It was entirely necessary considering some of the displays that were going on as both men and women performed their considerable artistry wearing little or nothing.

I have nothing against the naked bodies of people. I certainly quite like the naked female form and although it holds no physical attraction for me, I can recognise an attractive male form when I see one. But even I thought that the naked fire juggling was a little bit much.

I don't know why and more than one person of Toussaint has laughed at me when I discuss this. As have Laurelen and Ariadne although both ladies pointed out that Emma and Mark both shared my views. But I tend to feel that nudity and the sight of bare skin should be earned in some way. I always feel that it is a gift when a lady removes their clothes in my presence.

But then something strange happened in my head. It was as though I looked out and I saw the swinging manhood of a man who's musculature could have been taken from some kind of picture as part of an anatomy lecture. I turned to Laurelen who was also bemused at the sight, much to Emma's amusement, and I said. "I've seen bigger."

"So have I." She said. "But then again, after a while they get to a point where they hurt."

"Really?" Emma asked. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely interested or if she was just asking to wind Mark and I up.

Kerrass had gone off to set up his potion area in case you are wondering.

"Oh yes." Ariadne commented. "An average penis, properly used, is far superior to a large one handled clumsily."

Laurelen agreed, snagging a pair of drinks from a passing tray.

"It also has to be said." Ariadne went on. "That a skilled tongue and talented fingers can also obscure many many sins in that regard."

"Now that I can agree with." Emma laughed.

And something in my head just shut down. It was as though my mind just threw it's hands up in the air in disgust and walked away.

"I suppose it must be a lot like breasts." I said to the three women. "I mean, I can see the attraction of a large pair of breasts but sooner or later you get to the point where you find yourself wondering if they're not so large that they might hurt the ladies back."

But Emma wasn't going to let me off that easily. "So what is the ideal breast size then Freddie?" She asked gesturing to the fire dancers who were smearing burning oil across their bodies before seeming to brush the flames off their skins with their hands in a display of timing and grace that truly deserved better than to be oggled at for the physical features. Sure enough though there were a couple of ladies with smaller breasts and one lady with larger.

"Ariadne's breast size." I said smugly.

"Good answer love." Ariadne told me with a smile and a pat on the arm.

Mark had listened to this entire conversation with spluttering outrage. He has come to terms with his younger siblings enjoyments of their own sexual partners, but I get the impression that he doesn't like it being thrown in his face quite as much.

"I think," he declared, "that I am going to find where the food table is before trying to find some artwork that is not going to make me fear for my soul and the souls of everyone around me."

We laughed at him.

And just like that, the nakedness was no longer tittilating. The fire dancers were not the only people that wore next to nothing. A man, much braver than me and much more brawny than me was juggling with swords. Several painters were painting nudes of various people, including Natanis the Succubus as Lord Palmerin looked on with a grin. One painter was even painting what looked, to me, like some kind of giant orgy scene based on the small pile of naked men and women that were on an island on the small, courtyard pool.

Yes, there was a pool in the courtyard. It is only amazing to me now as I look back on the thing.

I wouldn't mind, but I saw that artist shouting at some of his subjects to at least pretend to act as though they're making love and enjoying it. I have never seen a woman look quite as bored as I did a blue haired girl as she bent her head to simulate felatio on a clearly uninterested dark skinned man. I know that he was uninterested in what the girl was doing because he was clearly more interested in the naked sword juggler that I mentioned earlier.

It was the most chaste, but also debauched party that I have ever seen. The clash between the two souls of Toussaint. The soul of the drunken party goer along with the chaste, demure noble person in one place.

In the middle of one pedestal there was a small man in his mid forties that was carving a likeness of the Duchess from memory. It was a game for some of the people there to try and distract him but he was there in a dirty smock, a dirtier pair of trousers and dust covered face.

There were no less than three musical bands that were playing and trying to get people's attention. A group of acrobats were using the house and the grounds as their apparatus for their swings, jumps and contortions. I wouldn't have minded but the edge of the house fell down to a cliff so those acrobats didn't just risk injury, they also risked death.

And then it turned out, that these were the least talented exhibitions. These were the small artists looking for patrons. The truly talented would come later.

And arrive they did. One man had set out a group of cages inside which there were a series of songbirds that he had trained to sing together to his own conducting. How he managed to achieve that feat I will never know and didn't get the chance to ask him.

The entire place hushed as a huge, corpulantly fat, grotesquely ugly man stood forward and sang with the voice of an angel. I have no idea what he was singing about as I could not make out the words but he needed no amplification. There were no acoustics for him to take advantage of. No walls for his voice to bounce off but the power of his voice reduced me to tears as he wiped his brow with a red cloth.

After he stepped down another man rose to the stage and placed a table down. A group of servants appeared and started to place glasses of crystal on the table which he filled with various liquids. It seemed to take a long time and I was not the only person that was beginning to feel restive. Then he licked the tip of his finger and started to run the pad of that finger around the rim of one of the glasses until the vibrations that this caused made the glass sing. Then the next glass and the next and the next.

A man constructed a flute out of a series of wine bottles.

Another man stood up and started telling jokes until everyone there were crying real tears of laughter.

Then another man stepped forward and started to sing a song of dubious quality. Horribly off key and with his voice cracking. The crowd laughed and booed good naturedly as he bowed with the most elaborate flourish that you have ever seen in your life.

I saw so many things that night. I saw a puppet show that would not have been out of place at a children's festival. But the richest and most noble families of Toussaint laughed with all their might. Lord Palmerin got up and danced a clumsy jig while Natanis rose from her couch, much to the complaining of the man painting her, and clapped along before joining his as the final part of the dance.

They looked beautiful together and it warmed my heart to see a man who had once wept the tears of a broken heart looking so happy.

A servant approached me and reminded me that I had yet to perform anything. I told him that I was waiting my turn.

Kerrass stood up and helped some servants manhandle a table into place before he set out some alchemical formula. He told the audience that he had come to talk to them about Explosions. He told them that he had brought examples of every destructive force known on the continent with him shy of a dragon's blast and then, only because he hadn't been able to convince a dragon to arrive.

I was astonished. I had seen him give a similar lecture that first winter before we set out on the road together. But that was delivered cold and clinical. This was full of jokes and fun. He passed out examples to the prettier ladies in the crowd and instructed them to throw the vials and the mixtures at the ground so that people could see them explode and flash.

As a finale, he told the crowd that explosions and healing was not the only use of Alchemy. And that with the correct herbs and the correct formula. He could produce a thing of great beauty. He returned to a glass container that he stirred for a few seconds before he ran forward and hurled the liquid into the air. The liquid seemed to evaporate into a gas almost instantly before turning green and spreading out over the crowd. Then there appeared to be sparkels in the cloud which glinted and glittered before tiny silver stars fell from the sky onto our upturned faces.

The crowd went wild.

We watched as the displays went on and on. Periodically I would wander among the different displays to see what was happening elsewhere. I was encouraged to take tiny little bladders that had been filled with paint in order to throw them against a canvas that was spread across a wall. The idea was to create a painting of the evening that all of the guests would have contributed to.

I was yelled at when I entered a room where a man was painting a nude picture of an undeniably beautiful woman wearing a masquerade mask and a set of jewels only. Not because he had been disturbed, but because the blast of cold air had caused goose-bumps to rise across the skin of his subject which had caused her to shift her weight.

There was a poetry reading taking place in another quieter area. Almost a room constructed in the courtyard where people were taking advantage of the subdued noise from elsewhere as they recited poetry with the solemn faces that only poets can achieve when they are reciting their own works. It took me a minute or two of stopping to listen before I realised that the poetry was not only really good. But it was also intensely erotic in nature.

And that was what seemed to be happening and I wondered if there was something here that could tell me more about Toussaint in general. I found a quieter area in order to try and get my thoughts in order on the subject. About there being two Toussaints. There was the demure, straight laced and formal Toussaint. The formal dances, reserved manners and genteel, courtly romances.

On the other direction there was the passionate Toussaint. The Toussaint of the clandestine romantic assignations. The part of Toussaint that admired the naked bodies of their fellows. That lived, loved and laughed with equal abandon. I thought about this for a while and decided that it was all Toussaint. That the two different philosophies about life were entirely valid and that both of them were the same. That it was two sides of the same coin.

"You have it wrong Lord Frederick." Lord Palmerin de Launfal told me. I had taken my newly formed theory to him and we stood talking as we watched the artist work on his portrait of Natanis. "It is not opposite at all, there is no coin for there to be two sides to. It is all Toussaint. It is the same thing."

"I do not follow." I was feeling a little dismayed. I will admit to often being wrong but I had rather flattered myself into thinking that I had achieved some kind of insight there. Lord Palmerin noticed my face falling and clapped me on the shoulder.

"You were not to know my friend. For all that your family and yourself are welcome here and, for the most part, beloved, you are still an outsider." He smiled at me. An oddly fatherly smile given that we were watching his naked, otherworldy lover laughing at something that the artists had said.

"What you are seeing now is the natural progression of the story." Lord Palmerin told me. "I have been outside the Duchy many times and do you know what people always say of Toussaint?"

I felt more confident in this moment. "They call it "The Fairy-tale Kingdom"." I said.

"That they do. We are obsessed with stories. We are actually remarkably similar to Skellige in that regard. Something that only occurred to me after reading your extraordinary account of your time on the archipelego. We are obsessed with stories and yes, we love the stories of the fairytale and chaste romance. Of the courtly love and the remote adoration. But people forget that the stories don't end there do they. I mean yes, when we tell the stories to the children, we stop the story before we get to the rescued Princess' wedding night. We talk about how the damsel in distress is rescued by the dashing hero but we don't talk about what happened when the dashing hero and the damsel are forced to share a blanket for warmth later.

"But the rest of us know that it happens. Why does the young man go and try to rescue the girl of his dreams from the giants?"

"It's because he loves her." We both said at the same time.

"So, it follows, that in the world of fairy stories... No matter how ludicrous it really is for that kind of thing to happen in the real world. The damsel is rescued by the hero and they fall in love. That is the romantic ideal after all. But after that takes place do we honestly think that that love is manifested in sitting on a tree trunk and staring into each other's eyes for hours at a time? Or do they go home and get down to things."

"I suppose."

"This is the extension of that." He told me, waving at the rest of the party. "It is the extension of the courtly love. It is the moment at which the object of the courtly love gives a reward to the person worshipping them. It is the moment where the person is rescued and in the height of the emotional fallout for that, reaches out to their rescuer in love."

He grinned at me.

"After all." He went on. "We have both been rescued, have we not Lord Frederick. Natanis rescued me from my heartache. You rescued your Princess and she loved you. Not just for the rescue but for other matters as well. Then she has gone on to rescue you. And you love her. Your love is chaste and courtly for now but sooner or later you will get to your wedding night and you will give into your..."

He leered at me. "I even understand that you have been rewarded for your chaste devotion."

"What?"

"Sir Walther is a friend of mine."

I winced as I realised he was talking about Anne "For a Doctor, he has a big mouth."

Lord Palmerin laughed.

"And..." I went on. "Anne is no reward."

"Maybe not." He smiled. "We are a nation of romantics." He told me, waving expansively. "We believe in romance and Love. And sooner or later, romance must be consummated in one form or another. That is what you are seeing here. This is a celebration of the consummation of the romance."

A servant arrived at my elbow again. "Lord Frederick. I am under duty to remind you that you have yet to perform."

I nodded my acknowledgement and Lord Palmerin smiled at my discomfort. "Speaking as someone who knows Lord Frederick. Better to get the task done the quicker."

I went back to the stage. Still frantically trying to come up with something that I could perform. I even wandered near the exits to see if there was a way that I could escape but I could also see other servants who were standing next to the doors with lists that were letting some people out but preventing others from leaving.

But I found myself back and standing before that main area of the stage in time to see Mark climb up. He was wearing one of his cassocks. A brighter red than would normally be worn by someone of his own status and it was cut in order to, at least, pay some service towards the fashionable party that we were attending. He stood forward and held his hands up in order to get everyone towards silence.

"This is a song of my homeland." He explained into the relative silence that followed. "It describes the longing of an orphaned shepherd boy for his father to come and collect him from the hillside before night falls. He knows that his father is dead and that his mother will not be at home, cooking his meal. He knows these things but as he stares up into the deepening gloom of the night sky, he finds his heart longing for the warm strength of his father's embrace and for the smell of his mother's baked bread."

He bowed his head for a moment before he straightened and his mouth opened.

A noise happened. I had not heard the noise in a long time and I had forgotten it. What that noise is, is the gasp of all the people listening who have not heard Mark sing before.

It's a kind of sharply indrawn breath followed by a kind of subdued "oooh" sound.

It's easy to forget sometimes, that one of the things that churchment do in order to praise the flame is to sing. Mark would have sung as part of his duties to the church as a lay priest, as a priest and as a Bishop. He probably still leads songs as he worships now but it's one of those things that you always forget when you think about the priests of the Eternal Flame.

You think of fire and hate and the purging of non-humans. You forget that once upon a time, they were guides who would call the lost home by lifting their voices in song and raising the light of the fire so that the lost could find their way.

I have heard the song itself before. I will not be insulting when I say that I have heard it sung better as well. Mark does not mind. He doesn't think he's that good and I have heard this song sung by professionals. It is a very sad song and is the first part of a duet between a man and a woman as part of a larger song that is performed on the stages of Novigrad and Oxenfurt. I have no idea who wrote it although I was once sharing a drink with Professor Dandelion in Novigrad while Kerrass was out and about somewhere. One of the minstrels started this song with his female partner and Dandelion got this stricken expression on his face before fleeing into the night.

I asked him about it later and he said that he had known the girl that had written it and it broke his heart every time that he heard it. Apparently she had died at some point when the plague had struck Vizima and had broken Dandelion's heart. But not in the way that you think.

He called her "Little Eye."

But the song starts with the lost and lonely shepherd before realising that there is a woman that loves him nearby. The woman talks about going round the village and finding out what the shepherd missed and going out of her way to provide it for him. She fails utterly, but her efforts in trying to console the Shepherd bring him out of his grief and he is able to move on and find love with the woman. It is a good Song. Sad, funny, touching and deeply romantic.

Mark chose well. If only he could have found someone to sing the other part with.

The final notes of his song fell into the silence and after taking a moment to realise that he had finished, the crowd roared their approval.

"Fuck." I muttered. How was I going to top that.

"You'll think of something." Ariadne had come to my side again.

"What are the two of you doing?" I demanded as she smiled up at me sweetly.

"Never you mind." She said with a wicked smile. "You'll just have to wait and see."

I grumbled something in audible.

"The truth is," Ariadne said. "That you should have gone up after Mark. People would be more sympathetic if you were feeling less than confident after a performance like that."

"True. But, it looks like someone else has beaten me to it."

Emma was doing a card trick involving some slight of hand and a Gwent deck. You see this kind of thing on any street corner but here was Emma doing it on one of the highest stages in the land.

"I'm surprised that the Duchess isn't here." I commented to Ariadne. "I mean, I know that Syanna and folk have duties but, with a crowd this prestigious, I would have thought that the Duchess would be here."

Ariadne laughed at me. "Oh Freddie." She said kissing my cheek. "Don't ever change."

"What" Why?"

"The Duchess is here." She said before leaving me with that cryptic comment.

Emma had moved onto some coin magic. I have no idea as to the truth of this statement but I have since been informed that coin magic is actually amongst the hardest forms of sleight of hand "magic" to perform. I had to take the man's word for it because Emma stood there, her arms bare, and made coin after coin disappear before having those same coins reappear in the strangest of places to an appreciative audience.

When she was done she bowed and descended, pulling a cloak around her shoulders. Laurelen and Ariadne had gone off somewhere to prepare... whatever it was that they had in mind and I approached my sister.

"I didn't know that you could do that." I told her. "I knew that Mark could sing but I had no idea that you could..."

"Do you not remember me producing coins out of your ear and things when we were little?" She led me over to the punch table where she used a ladle to pour us both a cup of the strong, fruity alcohol.

I thought back. "I seem to remember it annoying father."

"It did. But there are only so many things that you can do with your hands while you sit in interminable meetings where no-one wants to listen to you." She sniffed the punch. "In order to keep from fidgeting and being in a place where I was supposed to sit, listen and learn, I would play with cards and coins. I got good enough that Father had me tested for magical ability."

"Was he annoyed?"

"Not in the end. This was still back when Magic users could command a certain amoung of political power and a daughter who was ignoring marriage invitations while only having eyes for the female servants who might be magical was a positice in his eyes. But as we know. Our family has the average magical talent of a brick."

"Yes, I've used that saying several times although I usually say that I'm about as magical as a plank." I replied. "But I think we might be being unfair on the poor old brick. After all, without bricks and planks we could not build houses and boats."

"True." She smiled at me. She had opened her mouth to say something when a servant tugged at my elbow.

"Lord Frederick? I am to remind you that you have yet to perform this evening and..."

"Oh for fucks sake. Get fucked would you." I snarled... a little unfairly I will admit.

"Well pardon me for living." The servant muttered as he wandered off.

Emma giggled.

"What are you going to perform Freddie?" She asked, topping my punch up.

"I thought I wasn't supposed to be drinking." I retorted.

"Think of it as some liquid courage." She told me. "But I notice that you haven't answered the question yet."

"I don't know." I admitted. "I keep trying to think of something but for some reason my mind keeps shying away from any of the possibilities that keep suggesting themselves. I'm not feeling good about it all if I'm honest. I can think of several drinking songs that might suit. Or a story or two from Skellige. But I'm no singer, nor am I a story teller."

"My reading of some of your adventures in Skellige would suggest that you are a better Storyteller than some would give you credit for." Emma suggested. "And I have always maintained that, just because Mark can sing better than you does not make you a bad singer. And look around." She laughed as the punch must have hit her system. "A bawdy, drinking song might be just what this crowd needs."

"You're right." I admitted.

"As I so often am. But seriously Freddie. It will start weighing on you soon so here's my advice. Wait until the there is some kind of performance that astonishes everyone. Wait until the oohs and the aahs are dying down and then climb up on stage and do your thing. People understand nerves and they will be so buoyed up about the previous perfomance that they won't notice you if you're not quite up to where you want to be. And you will hardly as badly off as that man that tried to demonstrate just how many sausages he could get into his mouth at the same time while trying to claim that it was art."

"I didn't see that."

"You are fortunate. My understanding was that he was trying to make a joke, or a political point, or something. But he was thrown out."

"Now there's a thought..." I began.

"Don't even think it Freddie. Embarrass us tonight and I will have Kerrass hold you while I pull your scrotum from your body with my own two hands."

"So graphically violent sister."

"I'm just warning you."

"I'm also flattered that you think it would take both hands."

"Fuck off Freddie."

I laughed as she walked off in disgust but even with that. The laughter did not entirely banish my nerves. What was I going to do. I could probably get away with just singing a bit of a song. That would mean that I would be up there for as short a period of time as possible.

Then I started in with the self flagellation. I should have seen this coming really. I told myself that I had stood in the way of an angry dragon. I had stood up to Vampires, Empresses, Witchers and Queens. I have fought Griffins, Wights, wraiths, Cockatrices and all kinds of other things that you can think of. I have delivered lectures before audiences and I have given speeches in open court. I have also performed in the past as I delivered the story of Father Gardan and his axe (which was wrapped up in my quarters at the time) before a not entirely friendly Royal Court of Skellige.

I have faced Death, Love, Anger and Hate and in all those cases I have overcome. So why was I so crippled by this.

There are many reasonable answers to all of this of course and many of you are probably even thinking of those answers even now. But in tat time and in that place, nothing was immediately occuring.

I watched a few more acts without really taking them in, including more than a few acts that were less polished than some of the other things that people had seen. I saw a sword swallower who had, if you'll pardon the pun, bitten off a little bit more than he could chew. I saw a fire eater spill some of his fuel on the clothing that he was wearing. I saw a man who thought he had trained a dog to perform in a certain way. Although the dog was clearly far more fascinated in the outfit that it's master was wearing and wanted to play with all of the shiny buckles and things.

But there was many many more than that.

If the object of the exercise was to remind everyone that art is a craft and does not come for free, then that goal was achieved. More than one person left the stage with a rueful expression on their faces. Although I wondered how many people would remember the lesson.

In short. Art is work. Pay the artist the amount that they ask. They know how much they are worth and that is how they put food on their tables and keep a roof over the heads of their families.

I will descend from my pulpit now and stop preaching.

I screwed up my courage and made my mind up to sing a song that I remembered from times on the road. A funny song about a man and a woman who refused to acknowledge how much they loved each other.

But as I waited to take my turn, Ariadne and Laurelen took the stage and soundly embarrassed me.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Ariadne addressed the crowd. As she spoke, Laurelen was muttering and moving her hands in a way that was easily associated with the term "spell-casting" and a darkness fell behind Ariadne.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Ariande said again. "I crave your attention." And just like that she got it. Almost the entire crowd stopped what they were doing and turned to watch. Only those artists that were in the middle of their paintings or carvings carried on. Those men and women that you would not be able to shift even if a dragon flew overhead. You probably know the kind I mean.

"Tonight, I am working with my friend and colleague, the Lady Laurelen, to tell you a story. Last year in Toussaint, many of you will have been aware about the culmination of a story. That story is the tale of a Vampire and a Scholar. A tale of ups and downs, although not as many ups and downs as either of us might like." She leered and the audience laughed.

"It is a story that contains romance, humour and bravery. It is the story of a rescued Princess and a darkness stymied. It is the tale of two people who should not have even met, let alone fallen in love and it is the tale of ambition that did not know that it was pointless.

"But most of all it is a tale of foolishness. This is the story of how the Scholar met the Vampire and how the two of them fell in Love. So that those of you who only knew the ending of the story, might also learn the beginning of it. This is not the absolute truth. We have taken some liberties with the tale in order to make it more digestible and more... entertaining. The truth is, if anything, far more remarkable. But for your entertainment tonight. We would like to tell you this story."

And they went on to do precisely that.

I was mortified. Embarrassed isn't the word for it. But also touched and moved beyond my capacity to easily say.

I saw Kerrass and I stopped on the side of the road. But it was not the dirty and sweaty Kerrass and I that I remembered. We were figures of legend, armed and armoured as knights Errant should be. And Lord Dorme was a sinister figure of cackling, hand wringing villainy. We saw the approach to the tower of the Spider-Queen and the fight between Kerrass and I agains the overwhelming odds that Dorme commanded.

We saw my poisoning and the bargain struck. We saw our fight against the formless horrors of the tower before we saw our rescue of the dark lady at the top of the tower.

The story went on and on. I saw myself standing before the dark and formless rage of the wrath of the dark lady. That anger like a storm and myself as a small, shining figure standing in the way. As I did so I saw the dark horror form itself into a lost and lonely woman who rushed into my arms. Before the three of us, the Dark lady, the Witcher and the Scholar turned on the cackling approximation of the sinister figure of Dorme.

After his defeat I saw the figure of the Witcher shoo the Scholar into going for a meeting with the shy dark lady who, as the conversation went on, changed from being a lady of darkness into a lady of light and the two embraced and kissed before the tone turned comical as the two figures started to argue and fight over who would propose to whom before a, fairly accurate, representation of the actual proposal was shown.

I saw the figure of Ariadne flee from the ring while the representation of myself stayed where I was as the terrified Ariadne shuffled forward and the ring was placed on her finger. Then the two stood up and embraced, kissed and then embraced again as fireworks went off in the background.

To say that the crowd went wild is an understatement. Cheering, hats thrown in the air, applause, all of that. Ariadne had been right. It was a story that the people of Toussaint would love. Damsels rescued, villains defeated, chaste betrothals and the promise of some good old fashioned debauchery to follow afterwards.

Unfortunately, my first thought, as Ariadne stepped to the front of the stage with Laurelen to take their well deserved bow was "Fuck. Now I really need to step up my game."

"I wanted to tell that story." Ariande told everyone. "A number of people keep asking me why I love Lord Frederick and it occurred to me that some of you might not actually know the reason. Yes, I will admit that the thing that you have just seen was an artistic, a stylised representation of what actually happened. But it is true that Lord Frederick and Master Witcher Kerrass rescued me. I don't think that Lord Frederick would be too offended if I told the crowd that Witcher Kerrass rescued me from the tower. But it was Lord Frederick that rescued me from a monster far worse than what was found in the tower. Lord Frederick rescued me from myself. He stood before the darkness and he conquered.

"I am more grateful to Witcher Kerrass than I can easily articulate for being a good man and a good Witcher as he kicked the door of my prison in and he will always have my respect, friendship and admiration."

The crowd cheered and many turned to Kerrass who was standing a little way off talking to Lord Palmerin and a newly clothed Natanis. He bowed towards Ariadne formally.

"But I would say, here and now, that the courage that Lord Frederick showed that day showed me the quality of a man's heart. People have criticised him for his illness and his perceived weakness. But I say to you now that I have never known a stronger man. Beloved," She turned to me. "I would have you know that I love you now and I will love you for the rest of time. Until this life is ended or the world is destroyed and even then I will still love you. But even if that should be the case, I will find you in the next world and the next life and I will love you then also."

I realised I was as much part of the show as the magic had been and I bowed low to the thunder of the applause. Only to be lifted up and pulled into my love's arms.

"I love you Freddie." She whispered.

"And I love you too." I felt a smile on my face. "My lady of darkness."

She pulled back with a calculating expression. "I may have made an error there."

"Nah." I said. "I like the symbology. But thank you."

"What for?" She wondered. "For taking this moment to tell you how I feel."

"No." I answered. "For giving me all the extra pressure."

She laughed.

"Lord Frederick." A servant said. "For fear of putting my head in the Dragon's mouth, but..."

"I know." I admitted and took a deep breath before climbing on the stage.

The crowd stilled as I looked out at them. This had been a mistake. Going on immediately after Ariadne and Laurelen's display had meant that everyone was looking at me now and expectant of something that I wasn't entirely sure that I could provide. What I should have done was to go onto the stage as early as possible. Maybe the second or the third act where I could then be forgotten about in the resulting noise.

But I was here now and there was nothing else that I could do on the subject. People stood there, their faces turned up towards me with wide and expectant eyes and smiling mouths.

I was fucked.

I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. In the harsh light of everything that was going on and all those curious and anticipatory expressions had clear driven my inspiration out of my head. I stood there facing them with mouth agape as I tried to fight me way through to something.

Anything.

"Ummm." I began unhelpfully. "I would like to begin by tempering your expectations."

A few people laughed good naturedly.

"Since I came here people have been giving me ideas as to what I should do as a demonstration and I will admit that one idea has chased another idea which was been followed by another idea until I am now quite without inspiration... However I do..."

"If I may." A voice called from the crowd and I felt my blood run cold.

"If I may speak for just a moment." Sir Raoul Leblanc walked through the crowd which parted for him. "I have been waiting for you for this entire time," he went on. "Indeed I have been looking for you all evening."

"Have you now." I said. "I have not been hiding. Indeed, I rather thought that I was relatively easy to find."

"Maybe it was just a coincidence then." Sir Raoul climbed onto the stage with a massive, condescending smile. "But I was hoping that I could crave a favour from you."

I sighed. I wondered if this was how a fish feels at that moment when it feels itself being caught by the hook, or being trapped by the nets.

"What is the favour?" I almost groaned it. More than one member of the audience laughed, no doubt assuming that this was all part of some kind of show that Sir Raoul and I had concocted between us.

"Well, if I can address our audience for a moment." He bowed to me with an extensive and rather overly elaborate gesture.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." He went on. "Lord Frederick is actually an artist of some renown although you might not think it to hear him. And it is an art form that I admire greatly."

"Oh?" I wondered. I was frantically thinking about what it could possibly be that might have interested the White knight of Toussaint. I could see Kerrass frantically moving through the crowd towards the stage. But I was trapped.

I have occasionally been giving tentative lessons in these articles on how to be a courtier. Kerrass occasionally jokes that the articles should instead be titled "How to be a suspicious bastard and get away with it." rather than it's current title of "A scholar's travels with a Witcher." He is possibly not being unfair. I would hope that it is obvious that if a person wants to learn the art of being a courtier then they should engage the services of a proper tutor rather than to depend on what small hints and tips that I might be able to provide. I would rather think that these lessons are something of an insight as to what life is like for those people that choose to serve with words rather than swords. A different insight and interpretation to the idea of heroism perhaps.

But here is another lesson in that artform...

Heh... just realised what I wrote there.

… That lesson is this. At some point during your career as a courtier, you will be trapped. More often than not, this happens when someone changes the rules on you. You will be at a party of friends and someone will try and ambush you with some kind of statement about this or that after you have been drinking and utterly failing to talk to a pretty member of your gender of choice. And then you find that your host has intentionally gotten you drunk and deliberately peopled the party with people that they know you find attractive before they ambush you with something and set out to make you look foolish.

When you become trapped. There is often only one thing that you can do and that is this. Try and enjoy the journey. You are going to be ridiculed. You are going to be made fun of. You are going to be taken down a peg or two. You are going to look foolish in the eyes of your crush. My advice?

Get over it and move on. If anything you should lean into it. Play up to the jokes. Allow yourself to be the butt of the humour and puncture your own image. It is going to happen anyway so you might as well make use of it. If you are really really lucky. It might even lead to your enemies underestimating you in the future as well.

"The other day I saw a marvel." Sir Raoul went on. "It has long been known by everyone on the continent that follow such things that Lord Frederick follows the Master Witcher Kerrass. It is also known that Master Kerrass, like all Witchers is a fine swordsman. Among the best in the land. But that is not of what I speak. It is not a marvel to see a skilled man perform his skill.

"What we also know is that, as a result of the dangerous life of a Witcher, Lord Frederick has been forced to learn to defend himself. But he didn't learn to use a lance or a sword aor an axe. He learned to use a spear. This has been fascinating to me for a long time. I was not in Toussaint when Lord Frederick and Master Kerrass were here last. But I will admit that I thought that the use of a spear was odd. In my experience, which is not inconsiderable, a Spear is a weapon designed to be use in a group of people. Because once a swordsman is past the point of a spear then that spear is useless.

"Now Lord Frederick has a counter to that in that he also carries a dagger. But even so. I still think it is remarkable that he would choose such a weapon when there are other, far more practical weapons that would be useful in defending yourself against monsters and bandits on the road.

"I saw Lord Frederick practice with his spear recently and I have been longing to see another demonstration of this skill form."

"I too would like to see such a demonstration." Sir Morgan The Black Hand, called from the crowd and something tickled from the back of my mind. "But this is hardly the time or the place for such a display. This is a party and we should use this time for lighter matters."

"I agree." I said. "And I am hardly a master of the skill. I know enough to be able to defend myself and others but against anyone else but the demonstration of the use of a spear is hardly a proper subject for a party such as this."

"Why not?" Sir Raoul asked with a laugh. "After all, are they not called "Martial arts"?"

The crowd laughed.

"And how would I demonstrate such things?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Well, as it happens." Sir Raoul took his, dazzlingly white cloak from about his shoulders and handed it to a waiting servant. "I have also not demonstrated any kind of artform. Perhaps you might help me in such a matter as I could help you. An impromptu, good natured demonstration duel between us friends, just for people's entertainment?"

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Emma and Kerrass arguing with someone. I did not have time to see who. After all, the duel had alread started. But then I saw a way out.

"Nothing would make me happier." I declared. "But my spear is up at the palace."

"That's odd." Sir Raoul looked confused for a moment. "I spoke with the servants at the door and they told me that you had handed in your spear as part of the measure for the containing of personal arms." He said. "I checked as I was hopeful that I would be able to persuade you to talk to me about this subject. If I am not mistaken then..."

He gestured again and sure enough, a servant appeared and handed a very familiar looking long leather bag to him.

"This is your spear is it not Lord Frederick?"

My blood had run cold. I made a show of the thing of course. Taking the two halves of the spear out of the bag, examining them and checking them.

Of course it was my spear. There was no way that it could not be. But I wanted to think.

"I know that you carry your usual dagger on your hip in place of a sword."

I know that I had left my spear behind. Sir Raoul was quite correct when he said that I carried the dagger that Letho had made for me in place of a sword at the moment. It is the proper way to arm yourself in courtly situations and I was obeying fashion while also carrying a weapon that was familiar to me.

But I had left my spear back at our quarters. I know I had. I was trying to wean myself off the desire to carry it with me everywhere I went. I still took it out for training exercises with Kerrass. But in day to day existence, I was trying to leave it behind. I wouldn't need it after all, I was surrounded by knights of Francesca so much that I had completely forgotten about their presence.

But I was not so far divorced from the habit of always keeping it with me that I had allowed myself to forget exactly where it was at any given moment.

So someone had gone into my quarters and had taken my spear from it's place next to my bed and brought it out here. What else had they stolen?

"Well?" Sir Raoul was playing to the crowd while I thought furiously. "Shall we give them a duel Lord Frederick. Just you and I?"

I looked over, Mark was shaking his head at me. Ariadne was worried. Kerrass was still arguing with someone while Emma looked desperately unhappy. It was Emma's expression that got to me the most. She knew exactly what was going on as she had been trained in this kind of thing as much as anyone.

If I accused Sir Raoul of stealing the spear, or having the spear stolen then at best, he could blame the servant or at worst, he could claim insult and then a friendly duel would turn into a very real one. And I was not at all convinced that I could win a duel against this man, certainly not in my current condition.

So I was trapped there.

It was also possible that Sir Raoul was as much a victim of all of this as much as I was. Someone playing his hatred of everything off for their own purposes. I doubted this but it was a possibility. The risk was that some accident could happen during the duel and that he could kill me with impunity and then claim it was a dueling accident.

I doubted this. It would not do his reputation any good at all. He needed to prove that he was better than me and if he "slipped" and killed me by accident then his reputation as a duellist and a swordsman would be ruined.

From a courtier standpoint? I was trapped.

"Fuck." I muttered.

(A/N: This chapter was both difficult to write, and got out of hand, being much longer than originally planned. The cliffhanger was unintentional, but it's there as it was a good, artificial place in order to split up what was going to turn out to be a much bigger chapter. Thank you for your patience.

As another note. For those people that are looking forward to a more forceful and dynamic Freddie, you are not alone. I too am looking forward to that. But I rather thought that it was vital to emphasise a longer period of recovery from his ongoing and compounded trauma. As it is, from my own experience with these things as well as the experience of others that I have known, he is actually doing quite well. Such recovery can often take years if it ever happens at all.

But I am looking forward to getting back to a moradventurous Freddie. He is returning soon, I promise. Somewhat delayed by this chapter getting out of hand.

In other news: The world just does not seem to be getting any better does it. No matter who you are or where you live. Stand up for what you need to stand up for but please, stay safe out there and take care of yourselves.

With all my love. Thanks for reading.)