Summary:
It's hard for Shikamaru and Temari to stay away from each other. So, why not just steal that little moment when no one is around?
Kankuro is still looking for the right approach for Tenten's healing, and he might have just found something good in Ino's words.
Ruka is hesitant about sharing her odd attraction, but eventually she reasons with herself that one or two more opinions are actually something she needs.
Chapter 17: How To Define A Feeling
Temari needed some space away from Shikamaru in order to regain her composure. His behaviour was moving between shy and confident, and that was confusing.
She rushed ahead to catch up with their teammates, leaving him walking slowly with his hands in his pockets.
Ameno smiled at her. "There you are."
Temari returned the smile.
The group passed in front of a bookshop, and Ameno's eyes fixed on something behind the glass. "Oh!" She exclaimed, stopping in her tracks.
"What?" Amai also stopped and looked at her.
"I wanted to have a look in a bookstore... I heard there're some poetry books I'd love to put my hands on."
Amai looked up at his watch, clicking with his tongue. "I'm sorry, Ameno. I don't think we have the time for that."
Her face fell a bit, but she pressed a smile on her lips. "Ah, well… I'll have to do it another time, I guess."
"Sorry," he reiterated.
"Ah, not your fault." She shrugged. "I should've said it in advance. Then you'd be able to plan it."
The man nodded in agreement, but his lips were drawn in a fine line.
Back in the inn, they parted ways on the stairs; the rooms they occupied were on different floors. Amai went to his home in order to prepare himself for the formal dinner before coming back to the inn yet again. The whole group was supposed to stick together at the event.
Ameno waved goodbye and entered the first room to the right on the second floor, while Ittan kept climbing to the third.
Temari and Shikamaru were left alone in the hallway. Silently, they walked further until she stopped and unlocked her door. She peeked in and called her roommate by name. No answer came whatsoever.
"She's not back yet?" Shikamaru asked.
"Nope." Temari set foot into the room but stopped. Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and she looked at him over her shoulder. Her eyes lingered on his lips.
He smiled, ever so briefly.
"Wanna come in?" she suggested, her voice low. A hard swallow right after that indicated her mouth and throat had gone dry.
Shikamaru shook his head, not daring to speak at all.
"Well," she whispered, fully entering inside, "I sensed your look earlier. I thought you might want to... come in and share some of your ideas if we were one-on-one."
Temari leaned on the door frame, fully facing him, and gave him a subtle smile.
A dangerous flame flashed into Shikamaru's darkened eyes. He took a raspy breath and looked around. There was no one in sight, so he pushed her in before quickly slipping inside the room and closing the door behind him.
She didn't have time to question anything. The man grabbed her shoulders and turned them around. He pressed her against the door, pinning her with his own body weight. Temari shot her hands up and placed them on the cool, smooth surface of the wood to protect her face.
Insistently, Shikamaru's hands slid feverishly, almost roughly, over her sides until reaching her backside. His fingers dug into her flesh, extracting a surprised yelp from her.
A hot breath caressed the skin on the side of her neck, forcing an unrestrained shiver to run down her spine.
"Please, Temari..." His voice was hoarse, and it caused goosebumps over her back and arms. "Don't put my self-control to such tests."
"Oh, you're not fun at all," she purred in response, letting her head roll back and bumping on the side of his.
He growled and slipped his hands around her hip and towards her stomach. His teeth grazed her shoulder.
She breathed out, whispering, "I like that."
Shikamaru's fingers crawled up the bare skin under her top, leaving burning trails along the way. He was trying to restrain himself, barely keeping the desire to have her here and now on a loose leash. With no sign of mercy, Temari grinned back at him. Driven by a reflex, he sank his teeth deeper into her skin. A surprised sigh left her parted lips.
Temari's body tensed up, and a breath hitched into her throat. "Don't… leave me a bruise, Shikamaru," she warned.
He instantly stilled, then pulled back to have a look. "You're good," he informed, gently pecking the spot.
Then he leaned forward again, pressing their bodies together. Deft fingers skittered up and brushed her breast wrappings. She couldn't stop the escape of a quiet moan. The sensation had brought her most primal reactions to the surface, making her grind back again. She teased him, moving her hips in circular motions and rubbing their bodies together.
His forehead fell on her shoulder; an almost silent curse had been let out with his next sharp exhale.
She chuckled. "It feels like you enjoy what I'm doing just fine."
Shikamaru didn't answer; instead, he grunted and pressed on her even more tightly.
Temari contemplated throwing him on the bed and ripping his vest and pants off him. The problem was that Kurotsuchi could come back any second. What they were already doing was dangerous enough. But what she could do was take her teasing further for the next few seconds. So, she moved one hand to the place their bodies were in full contact — even through the clothes — and brushed her finger over his probably painful-by-now erection. A raspy breath intake just beside her ear made her bite her lip, stifling a giggle. When she attempted to put some pressure on, he snatched her wrist away.
"No," he said firmly, his voice still hoarse.
"Why not?" She looked at him over her shoulder, playful flames flashing in her eyes. A new opportunity for serious and really personal tease had presented itself on a silver plate. Her lips curled up in a mischievous smirk. "What are you hiding down there?"
Shikamaru released her immediately.
"Temari…" He sighed heavily and took a step back, shaking his head in discontent.
She spun slowly until she was fully facing him, then she leaned back on the door. "You got issues with... the size of your dignity?"
He huffed, taken aback. "Temari, really?" There was a hint of disbelief in his voice. "I didn't think something like that would make any difference to you."
She chuckled. "You're pretty smart, so you may as well be right." A wink followed, then another chuckle.
"Tch." He crossed his arms.
"Plus, it isn't something you have actual power over. It's… just a body part, after all."
He stared at her. An assessing look — heavy as lead — was really hard to cope with. The man stood silent for a few moments before letting out a sigh. When he spoke, there was amusement in his tone rather than irritation; he had regained full control of his vocal cords, the roughness and huskiness completely gone.
"So, you say you won't mind if… a certain physical trait of mine doesn't respond to your expectations?"
"Do you hear yourself?" She let out a laugh, followed by an incredulous look. "What expectations? I didn't even give it a thought until a moment ago." Leaning forward, she let him look deep into her eyes. "We, shinobi, battle all the time... Accidents happen, and sometimes those parts of the male body suffer—even lethally. I've seen it... I've caused such myself during a fight, though... It has been intentional just once."
He hissed in sympathy and male solidarity for the unknown person.
She took a small step towards him, her face much more serious than it had been a second ago. "Do I strike you as a woman who cares for something like that?"
"Not in the slightest." He chuckled and brushed her cheeks with the knuckles of his hand before crossing his arms back over his chest. "Although," he pronounced in a half-mocking way, "there are women that find sexual satisfaction immensely important. I know a few who reconsidered marriage because of that."
Temari raised an eyebrow. Considering they had never talked about personal matters in that way before, in her mind appeared a question that just irked her. It forced itself through her lips before she had the chance to stop herself, even if she wanted to. Although she succeeded in keeping her light tone...
"Were they about to marry you?"
He laughed. "Nope."
"Then it's just irrelevant." She licked her lips, wetting them, and took one more small step. "I can't say I'm worried about the prospect of being left sexually disappointed or dissatisfied."
"Are you not?" He smirked. "Why's that?"
"You see," — she dragged a finger over his forearm, following her own movement with eyes — "I already made it clear that a relationship on a physical level is important to me. If you had any doubts about providing something so fundamental, we wouldn't be here."
Goosebumps covered his arm under her fingertip. He let out a breathy chuckle, struggling to suppress the rising blush.
"True."
She nodded, mouthing a "right." After a brief glance at his face, she swallowed.
"Also, a man can sexually satisfy a woman in various ways. One doesn't have to rely on his penis to play the main part." She peeked into his eyes again, content with the colour his cheeks had.
"So I've heard," he whispered. "Though you can't deny it, a lot of men see their penises as a main tool for bringing pleasure."
"Far too many," she said matter-of-factly.
He knew Temari included her friends and teammates in the statistics of her knowledge, but he still felt a little spark of jealousy stinging in his chest.
"And some relay only on it," she added. "They forget about their body having other parts."
He huffed, fighting inwardly to regain his normal face colour; he won, unfortunately for the woman standing in front of him.
"I wouldn't know. I don't have practical knowledge of what other men do or don't do when with a woman in private." His voice had gained lower tones yet again.
"Well, that can be taken as comforting," she said, rolling her eyes. She poked a finger in his ribcage and added mockingly, "If you look at it in a good light."
He breathed out, contemplating his next words. Had she been anyone else but Temari, he'd most probably keep quiet. But that was the woman he intended to spend the rest of his days with. And he owned her honestly.
"And the fact that you know... that..." He looked into her wide-open teal eyes — so deep and enticing — that he almost forgot what he was saying. "It isn't very... comforting."
Her eyes became impossibly wide for a fraction of a second before comprehension dawned on her. It wasn't something that she expected in any way. But… Discovering new sides of him was quite exciting nonetheless.
"Oh, come on! You can't really wish I were a virgin!"
She laid both hands on his shoulders and leaned in so close that her lips brushed his.
He chose to stay silent.
"A virgin wouldn't do that," she breathed out, her eyes half-closed.
Before Shikamaru could ask what exactly she meant, she poked her tongue out and slowly licked his bottom lip, finishing her ministrations with a light tug at it between her teeth. He couldn't suppress the shiver, even if his life depended on it. His hands were on her in an instant, grasping her shoulders.
"I really have to go," he mumbled against her mouth, winning a frustrated groan. "We can't have your roommate run in on us like that. You know that."
Temari exhaled in annoyance and stepped back. "I hate to admit it, but you're right. Better go."
Shikamaru hurried to slip out the door before either of them lost the grip of their impulses.
Temari closed the door behind him and shook her head. She did affect him, alright; that was as clear as day. But she got affected too. She smiled and touched her lips on the way to her bed and the bag on it. A shower was exactly what she needed.
Shikamaru breathed slowly and walked even slower to his room. Quiet steps climbing the stairs made him stall and wait for the person to make an appearance. In a few seconds, a shinobi in full-standard Kumo uniform showed up. The man's face brightened when he saw the young Nara.
"Shikamaru-sama?" he asked, his whole body strenuous and his shoulders squared.
"Yes?" He fully turned to the newcomer. "How may I help you?" Shikamaru appeared calm - his face blank, his shoulders relaxed - but his eyes were following the other man's every move; his brain was charting various possibilities, and his body was ready to act if needed.
"I've got a message for you," stated the man with a strained voice.
Shikamaru tensed.
The cloud shinobi stuck a hand into his waist bag and pulled out a scroll.
Nara's gaze fell on the Raikage's stamp that held it sealed, recognising it right away. Shikamaru took the scroll and unrolled the document immediately. His dark eyes took in the content within seconds.
"I see," he uttered. "Troublesome," he added, and headed back to the room he'd left mere minutes ago.
The leaf shinobi knocked on the door and stepped aside. When Temari's blond head popped out, he silently offered her the scroll, which she took with no hesitation.
"Why?" She asked the cloud shinobi a few moments later, when she lifted her eyes from the text. Unceremoniously, she returned the scroll to Shikamaru, who put it in his own waist bag.
"I really don't know what's inside, Temari-sama," the man said tightly, his body never losing the tension.
"Alright." Shikamaru sighed. "I'll make sure all of the shinobi are informed about your leader's decision," he promised. "You're free to go."
The man bowed and didn't wait to be repeated for him. He strode down the hallway and soon disappeared.
Temari snorted. "I can't help feeling like a useless doll at those formal dinners," she confided quietly.
"I see it as just a part of the ritual. It's, after all, nothing more and nothing less."
"Well, yeah," she agreed. "I'll take the third floor before I take a shower."
He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Agreed. I'll make sure all of us on this floor know about A's ideas."
Temari pressed her lips in a line and entered the room. She had work to do.
Shikamaru looked at the closed door for a few seconds before turning and going to his own room.
Tenten gave herself a stern look in the bathroom's mirror. Raikage A had decided to supply the whole group with two types of the same outfits — one for the males and one for the females. So, all the kunoichi had been dressed in light and dark blue. The gowns were, if she had to be honest, fine, comfortable, and functional. It was just... the blue wasn't really her colour. If she had the chance to pick, yellow, orange, pale green, and white were her default choices. It wasn't so important in the end, so she shrugged and entered the dressing room.
Ino approached her and observed her hair, gathered in a single, ordinary knot on her nape.
"You won't give up the comfort, will ya?" She asked with a chuckle.
"Never." Tenten smiled, showing her charming little dimple on the right cheek.
"I know you won't believe me, but you look good in blue," Ino whispered, laying a hand on Tenten's bare shoulder.
She spared a comment, but the quiet derision snort was enough of an answer.
Lee waited at the bottom of the stairs, and his whole face lit up when he saw his female leaf teammates. He grinned at Tenten and rushed to offer her his hand with a gallant bow. She forced a grin in return and took the hand with a bow as well. Lee had expressed a desire to accompany her for the evening, and she didn't have a reason to decline. And, truth be told, he started to play his gentleman part quite nicely.
Kankuro's gaze was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. His eyes found her face and met hers.
"Hey," he mouthed with a small smile.
Tenten's face fell a bit, and she shrugged. Even though they had established a friendly relationship, she pulled back, setting a physical distance between them. And right there, she was back to her gloomy state, wallowing in self-pity and sadness.
Kankuro pressed his lips together and looked around in search of his target. He spotted the long blond hair just near the stairs and headed there with no hesitation.
He bowed with a polite smile and offered a hand. "Would you honour me by being my official company for the evening?"
Ino was taken aback at first until she noticed the specific flame, sparkling deep into his eyes. A rigid smile made its way over her painted lips, and her gaze drifted to Tenten, as if she were seeking permission. The latter never turned to Ino; instead, her hand was clutched firmly around Lee's arm, her look downcast.
"Sure," she agreed, and laid her hand on his arm.
"Wonderful!" he exclaimed with exaggerated joy. His smile didn't waver at all from his clean face. He leaned in and whispered, "You and I... need to talk."
"Oh?" She looked at him, a deep scowl carved into her forehead.
"More like, I'll do the talking." He glanced at her. "But I'll ask you to listen carefully and consider my words."
Ino raised an eyebrow, then narrowed her eyes. "Fine," she agreed. "What you've got?"
"Off we go!" Shikamaru informed the group.
Temari emerged seemingly from thin air and stuck her hand between his arm and body, so natural and nonchalant. It was as if it were the most normal thing for them to walk beside each other. He didn't even flinch but led her towards the hall where the dinner was going to take place. He knew they wouldn't raise any suspicion, as they both were advisors of their respective kages and knew each other for years. So he planned to make the most of it.
"Karui," Chouji said, stopping beside her.
She turned to him.
"Hm?" Her eyebrows rose.
"Would you do me the honour of—" he started, but she waved a hand, interrupting.
"Let me stop you right there," she said. "My former teacher made me promise he would be the one to accompany me tonight."
"Oh…" His face fell, and his lips curled, the edges tugging down.
She laid a hand in a dark blue glove on his arm. "I'm sorry."
Hearing Karui decline Chouji's offer, Tenten squeezed Lee's arm and made him stop. They exchanged gazes, and no words were needed for her to express what she wanted to do. He nodded, so they turned, and she grabbed Chouji's elbow.
"We were looking for you," she said with a smile.
"Why?" He scowled.
"We thought that there was no better time for us to spend some team-bonding time together."
"So, you're coming with us tonight," Lee added.
Chouji's strained face softened, and a smile tugged at his lips. If there was anyone he could count on to cheer him up, it was his teammates. He nodded and let himself be dragged down the hall.
Atsui offered his arm to Kurotsuchi. She only shrugged and accepted without making any comments. It didn't matter who was her official companion for the evening. She knew full well that once all the guests put their hands on glasses full of alcohol, there was no such thing as "official". In any aspect of the word.
"Ruka-san, would you mind being my companion for the evening?" Chojuro asked with a smile, laying a hand on the woman's shoulder.
At first, she stilled, perfectly unmoving. It looked as if she needed some time to comprehend and assimilate his invitation. Then her face flushed a pleasant pink colour before she smiled.
"Of course, Chojuro-san!" she exclaimed.
He chuckled and let her hook her hand on his arm. She had been a bit down since he last saw her, and that wasn't very Ruka-like.
Shee walked last. His hands were tucked in his pants' pockets. His face was serious; a light scowl had settled between his eyebrows, while his look was rather stern.
Shikamaru had gathered the team leaders of each village and shared his concerns about an eventual attack. He had asked them to stay put and give an even more careful assessment of the environment and the people they met. And Shee couldn't help but see the cool logic behind all of this. He didn't like the conclusions he reached.
What he came up with was a decision to use his tracking ability often and with the largest range possible on every few middle-range uses. It was important to warn the group as early as possible of any pending danger.
Another thing Shikamaru had asked them for was not to worry the group tonight. He was certain they were safe in the village. The problem was to stay safe outside its walls.
So, Shee was not drinking tonight. Even here, they needed at least one unclouded judgement. And since he was a host, kind of, and the one currently with the highest rank amongst the cloud shinobi group, he was going to stay sober and react if needed.
His eyes observed the backs of his teammates. A brief tangle of fingers drew his attention to Ameno and Amai's hands. His eyebrows rose, as he hadn't realised the situation between them had been shifting this way. It was a bit rushed regarding his personal opinion, but frankly, no one was asking him. They were both adults, and neither of them lacked brain capacity. So, if they saw a suitable partner in the other one so quickly... well, good for them.
The group reached the dinner hall. An agile servant met them at the door and showed them to their table beside one of the walls.
The hall's middle was left empty, so it could be used as a dance floor. This time, there weren't any notes indicating particular seats. On the other hand, their mixing had been going well, and notes were no longer needed.
Soon enough, other guests started to arrive. And all of them were wearing the very same clothes as the shinobi did.
Kankuro waited patiently for Tenten and Lee to take seats, then he led Ino to the other end of the table, to the farthest places possible. He pulled a chair for her. Then he sat on her right side.
"Right... I'm getting worried. You're acting a bit too weird," Ino noted, giving him a look of doubt. "Also, you still haven't told me anything."
"I want you to stop speculating," he said straightforwardly, quiet enough so no one else could hear.
Ino frowned. "You need to elaborate on that."
"You told Tenten that you think I've fallen for her?"
"Ah, that," she smiled, her tone dismissive. "That's just my intuition. I didn't think a mature, adult, single man would have any problems with that."
"The problem is... She isn't at all ready to look at another man. She's still grieving."
"I know," she hissed. "And she'll be grieving for the rest of her life if nothing changes."
He leaned on the table. "And do you really think rubbing my hypothetical attraction to her in her face will somehow help her?"
"My idea was to make her see that she's attractive to other men. Other than Neji," she explained.
"Theoretically speaking, if I show a particular intimate interest in her, what do you think will happen?" His tone suggested that he was already well aware of the answer.
"Ok, you made your point," she admitted.
"Thank you." He sighed.
"Although, I don't know how to help her move on," Ino said. "Once I try to bring up the matter, she shuts herself in, and that's it."
"I intend to start the healing process that she's been refusing," he said, pressing his palm on the top of the table.
Ino gave him a wide-eyed look and leaned towards him. "How are you going to do that, if I may ask?"
Kankuro sighed. "She needs pain."
The woman pricked up, hissing, "You want to hurt her?"
He shook his head. "She needs to cause pain, to watch what pain does to a person who refuses to heal. She needs to hurt, to kill, to scream, and to cry. The emotions that are stuck within her have to erupt." He let out a bitter chuckle. "Like a volcano."
She was silent for a bit, her eyes frantically observing his face. When it dawned on her, she gasped.
"You're going to challenge her, aren't you?" The words hitched into her throat. "You're going to be the one she'll hurt?"
"Yes."
Ino sighed. "Why you?"
"Because I'm both close and far enough." He chuckled and elaborated, "I've turned into a friend to her, so she cares for me, even if it's a little bit. But I haven't been around long enough to become too dear to her. She won't suffer too much when I'm no longer around."
She laid a hand on his shoulder. Her face was very concerned. "Kankuro, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"Isn't this too much... for someone you've just met?" Her voice was calm, and the words were carefully picked.
"She won't kill me," he said with a shrug. "I'll be fine."
Ino stroked his shoulder.
The moment she attempted to ask her next question, a big, noisy group entered the hall. They were laughing and speaking loudly, drawing all the attention to them and making the whispers disappear into the background.
Ino leaned in closer to his ear. "How do you plan to do it?"
"I need to pull the right strings at the right moment. It's as simple as that, really." He stacked his hands on the table, leaning on his elbows. "I haven't prepared a speech or anything, if that's what you ask."
Ino nodded. She bit her bottom lip, shooting a glance at Tenten.
"Tomorrow might be your best option," she whispered.
The man looked at her, intrigued. "Why so?"
"Tomorrow is the third of August." Her lips pressed in a fine line, and her whole face fell. Tomorrow is... Well, it should have been Neji's twenty-first birthday."
Kankuro looked into her crystal blue eyes and nodded very slowly. His face blanked — he understood very well what kind of very sensitive information that was.
Tomorrow was going to be an exceptionally emotional day for both Tenten and Lee. And maybe it was exactly what he needed to push her over the edge of self-control and demolish her walls in the safe surroundings of the whole team. She needed to be nearly destroyed in order to rise up on her own two feet again. Like a phoenix from the ashes.
The dinner was going smoothly until a few bottles of champagne and glasses for everyone appeared on the table. Karui opened one of the bottles and poured a hefty amount into her glass. With a smile, she turned to Atsui and raised her hand.
"To you," she said, drawing all the attention. "May you bring less trouble than you do now. And live a long and boring life that not many shinobi had the chance to brag about." Karui brought the edge of the glass to her lips, and just before she sipped, she added, "Happy birthday, Atsui."
Voices filled up the vast hall, cheering and wishing the man all the best while he grinned and poured champagne into the glasses. He was having a great time and wanted to share it with his teammates, as well as with his sister, Killer B, and even Raikage A, who also came along.
When all the fuss had subsided about fifteen minutes later, Ruka found herself staring at the bubbly liquid for a long time before she dared to taste it. She had already drunk half a glass of wine and was feeling the warmth creeping up her body. She sensed her cheeks burning and was sure that they had a pink tint. If she put more alcohol into her system, there was a high chance she would end up in a condition similar to what she was in after the women's night. She had to be careful. And not having drinking experience made it all that harder…
Ruka had picked her place to face the dance floor so she could enjoy the view of blue shades floating over the middle of the hall. She observed Chojuro's precise movement with a pleased expression while he danced with Kurotsuchi. That woman… She really danced wonderfully and graciously.
"Hi," Amai said, forcing her to look to her left. "I'm just going to take Chojuro's seat for a moment. You don't mind, I hope?" He asked with a hand on the chair's backrest.
"It's his chair," she replied with a half-playful, half-serious tone. "If you have any questions about it, talk with him."
Ameno had watched Ruka's hesitant face for a while before she turned to her and laughed at her half-joke, instantly scattering the tension in Amai's shoulders. He smiled and sat down between Ruka and Shee. The two men had some matters to talk about, and an almost empty table was a good chance to do that.
"Is there something troubling you?" Ameno asked quietly.
Ruka shot her a glance. "I… don't want to get myself drunk." She shrugged and gave her a small smile. "I didn't like the headache."
"You don't have to drink this. But if you still want to adopt the custom, just sip a little for a longer period of time and eat something. And drink water in between. Give your body a chance to metabolise it, and you'll be fine."
Ruka nodded. "But it's an interesting feeling," she whispered.
"What is?" She leaned in with a curious flame twinkling in her eyes.
"I can feel my boundaries crumbling down. It's… strange… odd.."
"Freeing?" Ameno giggled.
Ruka pursed her lips, then sighed. "Yeah, kinda..."
"Well… Many people use alcohol to get rid of their boundaries. It's kind of a purpose sometimes. Right, Amai?"
Her eyes drifted to the right. When Ruka turned her head, she saw that Amai had finished talking, and instead, his attention fell on them. Whatever the men needed to share, it had been short.
"And to forget," he added. "Shinobi use it to have a moment of peace with themselves. Some would do things they usually wouldn't and blame it on the liquid."
Ameno huffed. "I know people who drink to forget a really difficult day. Or gather courage to confess their feelings to the one they feel affection for."
Ruka shook her head and leaned back into the chair. "If I ever attempt to confess my feelings to someone, I want to be in full possession of my faculties. That would be too important to just leave it to my drunk version." Her tone was serious, and her face was a bit strained.
Amai leaned forward over the table. His lips formed a small smile. "I fully agree with you."
She gave him an almost imperceivable nod and a look filled with gratitude.
"Every shiver you get... Every time you feel ashamed of your betraying blush... Every hard hit that your rib cage suffers, caused by your own heart…" He chuckled. "It's worth it, really."
Ruka grabbed her glass as if it were a life-saving rope. "What's the feeling?" Her whole face expressed unfeigned innocence.
Amai's forehead scowled. "Which feeling?"
Shee was watching the dancers and seemingly didn't care about the conversation going on to his left. Although, had anyone been watching his face closely, they could have noticed a really slight frown at Ruka's last question. His expression expertly blanked right away. He leaned ahead, setting up his elbow on the table and propping his chin on his hand. His eyes were fixed on the middle of the hall. His free hand softly laid on his lap.
"To be so in love that you feel the need to share your feelings aloud." Ruka's wide-open eyes were bored into Amai's, as if she were sure she would find her answers in whatever he told her.
Ameno leaned further to see his face as well. That was something she didn't want to miss for anything in the world.
Taking notice of her sly smile, Amai's cheeks tinted a pleasant shade of pink. "Well… Hmm… To put a definition on... will be hard."
Ruka's face fell, and he hurried to add, "But I'll try."
He sipped from his glass, using the time to think. Then he sighed and said quietly, "Imagine if you were a magnet." He started. "When you find someone who attracts you and is attracted to you, it's like you're both magnets, placed very close to each other. The feeling resembles a… strong pull; your whole being strives for that moment when you are close enough and when you can touch the other person."
Ruka blushed; her eyes left him in favour of the table instead.
Amai huffed. "You just long to be with the other person; share your time and space with them. And I'm not talking about sex. Although" — Amai chuckled and refused to meet Ameno's merry gaze — "desire for that also appears at some point."
Ameno laughed but right away apologised for the interruption. One of her hands covered her lips.
"It's the desire to get as close to the other person as possible, to understand them, to connect with them not only on a physical level but on an emotional level, too," he paused, seeking a simpler way to express. "If we go back to the magnet metaphor... Imagine that you hold a piece of magnet and turn it in your hand as if you want to know everything about it: is it cold or warm, is its surface rough or smooth, what is the shape... does it have any sharp edges? Does all of that make any sense to you?"
Ruka pursed her lips and mulled over her answer. "It does sound a bit messy," she admitted. "You have felt this way many times?"
"More than I'd like to admit," Amai said, sighing.
Ameno smirked, amused. "And, roughly, how many is that 'more'?"
"I can think of four cases, with the most recent one," he replied with a restrained smile. "What about you?"
"Double it." She laughed.
The man looked at Ruka's thoughtful expression and asked very softly, "How about you, Ruka? Have you felt something similar?"
She left her glass on the table and circled the edge with a finger. "I might have felt something resembling what you described," she whispered.
The other women perked up, intrigued. "You have?" She waited for a nod before continuing. "May I ask when?"
"During the last two rituals," was Ruka's curt answer while her delicate pointer finger kept drawing random patterns over the cold glass surface.
Amai and Ameno exchanged puzzled gazes.
A faint scowl passed through Shee's forehead. But yet again, the mimic was so brief that it disappeared immediately without a trace. He liked to keep himself informed about the events around him. The conversation was indeed personal, but he was already there when it started. If they had minded his presence, they wouldn't have opened up on the matter. Right?
Since Ruka didn't elaborate further, the other woman leaned forward and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Do you want to share?"
She hesitated. "I'm not sure there is much to share."
"If you want to tell us, you can. Our lips are sealed," Ameno promised, looking at Amai expectantly.
He nodded. "In case you need one more opinion..." The man left the sentence unfinished.
Ruka pressed her lips together, drawing them in a line. Her eyes were fixed on the bubbly liquid as she contemplated telling them. Maybe if she said it out loud, she would realise how odd and insignificant it sounded and put it right where it belonged — on the long list of things to be taken simply as an experience. Maybe the common sense of people with different points of view and much more knowledge on the matter would help her understand her attraction? And just continue with her life, making peace with herself. She nodded.
"I felt a desire to get close to the man who walked beside me during all the rituals we've taken part in," she whispered. Her voice was so quiet that only Ameno succeeded in hearing her. Amai was reading the words on her lips.
"Honey," Ameno said, her tone collected. Had there been anyone else but Ruka, she would have allowed herself a hint of condescension. "It's unlikely that your ritual partner has been the same person three times."
She shook her head stubbornly. "It was the same person; I'm sure of it."
Amai frowned and asked, "How?"
"When we were in Suna, I was really nervous. To get a hold of my anxiety, I lean on the routine; it calms me down. So, I let my hand roam over his in a way I would in the hospital examination room, and I found a scar." Her face had reddened. "And I kinda studied it... with my fingers. But I didn't dare to look at the person."
Amai placed his hands on the table, palms down. "We are shinobi," he said softly. "We all have scars."
"It was a very distinctive scar," Ruka disagreed. "I'd recognise the hand if I had a chance to see or touch it again. I can recognise the texture of the skin, the shape and size of the scar, and the specifics of the whole hand. The 'edges', if I can use your metaphor."
"Well, it wasn't me; I can tell you that," Amai chuckled. "And I haven't heard anyone mention anything about walking by the same woman three times. Not that we talk much about it."
Ruka clicked with her tongue. "I don't think he'd share."
"Why not?" Ameno asked.
"Because I'm the one who gives it more importance than it actually has." She shrugged. "It's just... a random draw, after all."
"How did he react to your... ministrations?" Amai inquired, shifting the topic.
"Oh, he made it perfectly clear he wanted me to stop." Ruka smiled briefly. "He squeezed my hand. I'd do the same in his place. I pushed his personal boundaries physically. It wasn't fair to do that to him."
"It sounds like a normal reaction," Ameno said. "We didn't know each other at all at that point."
Ruka nodded and sipped on her champagne.
"You said 'three times'? What happened in Iwagakure?"
"Well… He reached for my hand first, and I found the same scar. I think he recognised me somehow, or... maybe he was just curious," she said hesitantly. "He…" Her left fingers slid over the top of her right hand.
"He caressed your hand?" Ameno helped.
Ruka let out a strained breath, closing her eyes for just a moment. "Yeah."
"So the initiative was his?" Amai specified.
"It was."
Her two teammates exchanged gazes again.
"Ok, what happened here, in Kumo?" Ameno asked, whispering.
"I… might have been… a bit too… daring," she replied in hushed tones. "I… initiated contact between us. I wanted to try and do something I wouldn't in a different setting."
"What did you do?" Amai's voice reflected his amusement.
"Once I found out it was the same person, I… explored his hand and..." She swallowed and gave a helpless look to Ameno. "I submitted to the strong longing to touch him," she finally admitted.
"Wow!" The man quietly whistled. "That sounds intense," he mumbled.
Ameno shot him a warning glance, and her attention fully switched to Ruka. "Do you have an idea who he might be?" the woman asked softly. "You don't have to tell... Just... do you know for yourself?"
"No, I don't. And I'm not sure I want to know." She huffed. "It's just… That desire to be close — the one that Amai so vividly described... I recognised it in myself, and that felt… odd and scary."
Ameno leaned in, a mild shock evident on her face. "You recognised it…?" She whispered with concern. "Are you in love with this person?"
Ruka looked startled by the question; she went quiet, giving it a serious thought before she said anything. The truthful answer was that she didn't really know. She wasn't sure she could fall in love with just a part of someone — whatever that part was a hand or something else. But he had piqued her curiosity for sure, because, whoever that person was, he didn't reject her; on the contrary, he imperceptibly coaxed her close. And that felt good. He had sought her touch himself, making her feel desired in a way… different than it had happened before, mostly on missions. While gliding his fingers over her skin and caressing, the sensation was... Her perception was as if he were trying to peer into her heart and reach her soul. All of that was enveloped in the adorable wrapping called mystery… She couldn't help but think that could be the main factor and reason for her to feel attraction... That could be a reason for any feelings on his side, too.
"I'm fascinated and enticed by the enigma." She paused. "I wouldn't call that being in love."
Ameno was stunned by her words. Suddenly, Ruka sounded too mature and serious, unlike her usual self.
"So you won't try to find out who he is?" Amai questioned.
Ruka shook her head. "I don't think it's a good idea." She bit her lip. "I'm too uncomfortable to try and figure it out. Especially after the way I acted in our last interaction. It's not typical for me." The last sentence was rather mumbled than said.
"What about the man?" Ameno breathed out. "Don't you think he might be interested in you?"
The woman didn't rush her answer; instead, she pursed her lips. "No, I don't think so," she said in the end.
"Why not?"
"He didn't try to reveal my identity," Ruka answered simply. "He might be curious, but interested he's not."
Amai's eyes met Ameno's; there was a frown over his face.
"Maybe he too, like yourself, is shy?" Ameno suggested carefully.
The mist kunoichi's finger stalled on the edge of the glass. She lifted her chin and observed the hall with a small smile.
"Look at them. There is no one 'shy' among the males in our group," she paused, unsure. "Except Ittetsu."
Her eyes roamed around until she found the young man she had just referred to. When she spotted him, she nodded more to herself than to her teammates.
"But I… He isn't…" She stammered and bit her lip. Taking a breath, Ruka's eyes returned to Ameno, and she sighed with resignation. "Let's just say I'm not his cup of tea," she finished.
Amai opened his mouth to protest but stopped, hesitant. "What do you mean by that?"
"She means he's more likely to be attracted to you or me than to her," Shee interjected, pronouncing his first words since the three started to talk.
Ruka jolted, her head snapped at him with wide eyes, as if she noticed him just now. Her cheeks instantly burned in deep red, and her hands grasped desperately at the edge of the table. The realisation that he had probably heard everything dawned on her.
Shee's brows knitted together for a moment before his gaze drifted to the side, fixating on something on the other end of the hall. He abruptly got up.
"Excuse me," he said hastily and headed right towards A, leaving Ruka in a deep shock.
"I'm afraid to even guess what he thought of me," Ruka whispered, breathless.
Ameno raised an eyebrow. "Why does it matter? You two aren't really close, are you?"
"I just found a common language with him... I'll hate it if now he sees me as unworthy to talk to," she explained, trying to push down a shiver of discomfort.
Amai huffed. "Shee isn't the type to just endure a social commitment quietly if it isn't really necessary. If he thought your talking was something of no value, he would've left. He wasn't obliged to stay." He shrugged. "Or he would've interjected to say something, at least. His tongue can be sharp at times."
"Yeah, I'm well aware of that," Ruka whispered, turning her face aside.
Thank you, jtoo! ^^