Coai Week 2023 - Little by Little

By Crystal Snowflakes

II. through wind, snow, or haze || disaster

The sky was dark as the rain fell around him, pouring in sheets, silencing out his thoughts and muffling the world around him. Water beat down against the pebbles almost deafeningly loud, drowning out his own heartbeats. As he sat by the water's edge, watching the waves lap against the rocks even as cold droplets of rain trickled down his skin, he realized that in a way, it was the most peaceful he'd felt in days.

Still, the pain lurked within him, gnawing away at him, making it so difficult to breathe. The memories of the organization's takedown continued to haunt him, and the revelation that there was nothing that could be done about his predicament—about him—replayed itself on a loop in his mind every time he closed his eyes.

Worst was, it seemed like almost everyone else in his life had just… accepted the fact. It seemed like those in the know were just glad that he was safe and alive, but not at all concerned about his mental state. His family and friends didn't even care about his well being enough to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid.

Like sitting at the edge of the river while the wind whipped at his face and the rain soaked into his clothes and hair. He had no idea how long he'd been there, but he knew that it hadn't been raining when he first sat down.

It felt like he had been drifting through life in a haze of grief, and while a part of him wished for the fog to lift enough for him to focus again, another part of him wanted nothing more than to sink deeper until he disappeared all together.

The shrill ringing of his phone brought him back to reality with a jolt, and he pulled it out from his pocket with clumsy fingers to glance at the screen.

Haibara.

Guilt clawed at him and twisted painfully inside at the sight of her name. She had been the one person who had been constantly checking up on him without being overbearing or demanding, and he had to admit that he found himself enjoying sitting with her in silence, sometimes talking about things that never led to anything important.

Having her presence nearby had been one of the only things keeping him sane the last few days. In return, he had been an awful companion, and he knew that she deserved better.

One day, he would make it up to her.

But right now, he needed more time. He needed some space for his thoughts before they continued to spiral off the rails and made him do something or say something he regretted. Taking a deep breath, he swiped the call away and put his phone back in his pocket before straightening his back.

The rain continued to pour down relentlessly, and the water crashed angrily against the rocky shore. Sighing deeply, he rubbed his face with both hands before dragging them back down over his tired eyes, and he hated the way the rain stung his eyes.

He had made plenty of bad decisions in his life, but he'd never felt so lost before.

But now? There was nothing left to do but accept his fate.

After another deep breath, he forced himself to stand up. He knew if he stayed any longer, she'd soon come looking for him, and it was the last thing he wanted. His wet shoes squelched uncomfortably in the puddles as he trudged through the mud towards the road, but he soon forgot his discomfort when the familiar sounds of traffic and busy city life reached his ears.

As he stepped onto the street to cross the road, a bright flash of white suddenly caught his eyes. Tires screamed loudly from somewhere in the distance, and he felt adrenaline surging through his veins as he flung his arms up to protect himself.

And then his world went dark.

Completed: August 27, 2023